Tales of the eKids:   E-man Loves Emmy  © 2004 by Andrew
Wiggin

Author’s Note:  Any resemblance to any Administration living
or dead is strictly coincidental.

Part 16

     The Vice President of the United States looked across
the conference table at the Attorney General.  He let the
A.G. stew in his own juices for awhile.  Somewhere there was
a leak.  He hated leaks.  Someone was going to get his balls
cut off.
     
     Finally he spoke.  “Bill, we can’t have this.  It’s an
election year.  How did that little Adkins bitch get hold of
my private email?  Someone gave it to her.  I don’t know if
the leak was in my office or at Fox News.  But I want to
know.
     “When we hired you, Bill, we told you that we didn’t
want any fucking leaks.  Get the FBI on it.  Get the Secret
Service on it.  I don’t care if you get NSA on it.  But I
want to know who the leaker is.”
     
     The Attorney General looked uncomfortable.  It wasn’t
his problem.  It wasn’t his damned office that leaked.  But
he was the one being blamed.  He bit his tongue.  Better to
be still in the face of the VP’s wrath.
     
     The Vice President continued.  “Just do it Bill.  Now
can we get on to other things?  We’ve had it with this whole
New Man shit.  Those people are going to be dangerous when
they grow up.  We have to do something about them now while
they are weak.   The President needs a finding. “
     
     The A.G. knew perfectly well that the President didn’t
need anything.  The country was run by the Vice President.
The President was an electable happy face without a brain.
     
     “What kind of a finding, Sir?”
     
     “These people have the balls to call themselves ‘New
Man’.  They claim they are a different species than normal
people.  Well okay, if that’s the way they want it, that’s
what they’ll get.  The freedoms listed in the Constitution
are for men: defined as Homo sapiens.  Have your lawyers
give me a paper telling me why we can put all of these New
Men into protective custody.
     “They are fucking around building televisions and
predicting the weather when they could be designing
something useful like the next generation of smart weapons
or clandestine surveillance gear.  We could use their
brains, but we’ve got to control them.
     “Since they aren’t true men, they have no legal
standing in the eyes of the government.  They don’t get
Constitutional protections.  We’ll take them in, then start
to spin it to the general public.  The Religious Right
already hates them.  We have to build on that.  We can
sterilize most of them and then just allow a few of them to
procreate in captivity.”
     
     The A.G. felt his stomach turn.  The V.P. was one mean
mother-fucker.  He certainly didn’t intend to get on his bad
side.
     
     “What about the Progenitor?  He doesn’t claim to be
‘New Man’.  Do we just leave him alone?”
     
     “What do you think the Patriot Act is for?”
     
     “You want me to arrest the Progenitor?  How is that
going to go over?  He’s one of the most popular men in
America.  And on what grounds do we arrest him?”
     
     “Christ, Bill, why are you always so negative.
Alright, we’ll leave Adkins alone.  But I want the kids.
Make it happen.
     
     The Attorney General returned to his offices.  He
seriously doubted whether the courts would uphold this
particular view of New Man.  He didn’t remember anything in
the Constitution specifying Homo sapiens.  On the other
hand, the V.P. rarely allowed Constitutional considerations
to stand in his way.  The V.P. thought the Constitution was
a pain in his ass.
     The A.G. turned to his virtual monitor (a New Man
invention, he thought wryly) and began to type the emails
that would set in motion the incarceration of an entire
species of human.  Or so he thought.
     
Part 17
     Emma Adkins perused the latest batch of emails emitted
from the Attorney General’s office.  She shook her head in
wonder at the audacity of it all.   ‘They have no shame’,
she thought.  ‘Ignore the message and kill the messenger.’
     She picked up her phone and hit #1 on her speed dial.
Andrew Adkins’ image appeared on her screen.
     
     “Hi, Emmy.  What’s up?”
     
     “Daddy, we have a problem.  It looks like the
administration has gone off the deep end over this Ice Age
thing.  The Justice Department is developing a legal
argument to show that because New Men aren’t Homo sapiens,
we aren’t covered by Constitutional protections.  Then they
are going to arrest us all and put us in ‘protective
custody’.”
     
     “Well that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.  It’s
like you are Jews in Nazi Germany; or Japanese-Americans in
World War II.  Nobody is going to stand for this.  Well, how
are the defenses at New Man U. going?”
     
     “They are pretty much ready to go.  We can’t fight back
much, but we certainly should be pretty hard to tackle, even
with an army.”
     
     “Okay.  I’m going to have a talk with the Chief of
Police.  Keep track of anyone who is outside the University
so they can be called back in at a moment’s notice.  And
Emmy; you haven’t been very annoying recently.  Why don’t
you be a little annoying?”
     
     Emma laughed.  She loved it when her father gave her
free reign.  “You got it, Daddy.  I’ll just tickle them a
little bit.”
     
     Andrew Adkins put in a call to the local police chief.
They had been friends for many years.  Money from New Man
Incorporated had put his children through college, as it had
for many policemen in Georgia.
     
     The call went through and the chief answered the phone.
“Hello, this is Chief McArthur.  What can I do for you?”
     
     “Chief, this is Drew Adkins.”

     “Hey, Drew!  What’s up?”
     
     “Chief, I think we have a problem brewing and I wanted
to give you a heads-up.”
     
     “Does this have anything to do with that ice age shit?
Man that like to scare that crap out of me.”
     
     “Well, kind of.  Apparently the Attorney General isn’t
real happy with us.  I suspect the real unhappiness comes
from the Vice President.  But there is a rumor that the A.G.
is going to arrest all the eKids at New Man University.”
     
     “Arrest them?  What the hell for?”
     
     “The story goes that the eKids aren’t Homo sapiens and
therefore aren’t subject to Constitutional protections.  He
is going to claim that they are not legal citizens of the
United States.”
     
     The chief laughed.  ‘Drew, that’s the biggest load of
bullshit I’ve ever heard in my life.  That won’t stand up in
court, that’s for damn sure.”
     
     Andrew breathed a sigh of relief.  “Well I just wanted
to alert you to what might be happening.  You might be the
one doing the arresting.”
     
     Andrew heard the chief snort.  “It’ll be a cold day in
hell before I arrest those little kids, Drew.  They are
every bit as human as anyone else, just smarter.  If the
A.G. orders us to arrest the kids, I’ll demand a valid
charge.  Not being a human being is not a valid charge.”
     
     “Well, thanks, Chief.  Who knows, maybe sanity will
break out at the Justice Department.  But I wanted to get
you into the loop if it doesn’t.  I’ll talk to you soon.
Bye”
     
     Andrew clicked off and stared at his virtual monitor.
Well this is just dandy, he thought.  Better get things in
motion.  They hadn’t gotten as far as they had by not
planning for contingencies.  Living in the Bible belt was a
constant wake-up call to the eKids, knowing that they were
often vilified by the more extreme members of the clergy.
     
     Andrew placed a call to his wife, the one who was
President of New Man University.  His monitor lit up and the
beautiful face of Donna Adkins greeted him, her eyes alight
at the unexpected pleasure.
     
     “Andrew, it’s so good to see you!  Do we need to take
an extra-long lunch break today?  I’ve got nothing on my
calendar that’s too pressing.  What me to meet you at the
house around 12?”
     
     Andrew smiled warmly.  His Donnie was always eager to
have a lunch-time quickie.  On the other hand, she might not
be so eager after she hears the news.
     
     “Donnie, baby, there is something of an emergency going
on.  It looks like the Justice Department plans to attempt
to arrest the eKids.  They think they have a loophole they
can use.  Since the eKids aren’t Homo sapiens, they aren’t
covered by the Constitution.”
     
     Donny actually laughed.  “Has our Attorney General lost
all contact with reality?  Wait; even he is smarter than
this.  It takes a truly arrogant fool to come up with a
scheme as dumb as this one.  It had to be the Vice
President.”
     
     Andrew countered, “If we’re talking dumb, then why
don’t you think it was the President that ordered this?”
     
     “Andrew, please!  The President hasn’t ordered anything
but lunch since he came into office.  No this has the mark
of our devious bastard V.P. all over it.  I suppose you have
Emmy at work on our counter measures.”
     
     “Donnie, Emmy has me at work.  She’s running this show.
I’m just a spear carrier.”
     
     Donnie looked at her husband lovingly.  “Andrew, you
are so naïve.  Emma does anything you ask of her.  She
worships you.”
     
     Andrew looked skeptical.  “It looks to me like she’s
transferred her affections to someone else.”
     
     Donnie smiled fondly.  “That boy Eamon, you mean.  I
don’t want to burst your bubble, dear, but your favorite
daughter is no longer a virgin.”
     
     Andrew looked pained.  “And which daughter might that
be?”
     
     Donnie said, “Perhaps I should have said daughters.”
     
     Andrew winced.  “By the time that young pup finishes
with my girls are there going to be any virgins left?”
     
     Donnie shook her head.  “Of course not.  You know how
it works in our family.  But at least we can be sure that he
will never finish with them.”
     
     “Well geez, you sure know how to bring me down.”
     
     “I’m sorry, darling.  What can I do to make you feel
better?  I’m coming right over.  We’ll take a long lunch and
try to bring up your spirits.”
     
     “Thanks, Donnie.  I can always count on you to cheer me
up”, ‘and think up an excuse to get laid’ he thought to
himself. “See you in a few.  And hurry.”
     
Part 18
     Melissa Turner called a family council on the morning
following Emma Adkins’ press conference.  Her son, J.J. her
daughter Mikalya, her security people, most of them friends
since childhood, and of course the family patriarch Jake
Turner, all were there to receive an update from Eamon
Turner.  Elle Adkins was notable by her absence.
     Melissa addressed her Grandson.  “Well, Eamon.  You
haven’t had much time, but your trip to New Man University
appears to have been singularly fruitful.  What can you tell
us?”
     
     Eamon wasn’t especially comfortable being the center of
attention, always having been the youngster of the family.
He took a breath to calm himself then launched into what he
had learned in the past two days.
     
     “The Adkins’ are an amazing family.  Like us, they have
family councils.  In fact, I attended one just yesterday
morning.  I was invited because I’ve kind of grown attached
to…”
     
     “Yes, yes, we’ve met Elle; a lovely little thing.
Please go on with your story.”
     
     “Grandmother, are you going to let me tell the story my
way or what?”
     
     “Please forgive me, Eamon.  I won’t interrupt again.
But come to the point.”
     
     “The point is you have the wrong girl.  Or you do have
the right girl, but she wasn’t the first girl.  Christ this
isn’t coming out right.  I was going to say before I was so
rudely interrupted,” he glared at his Grandmother, “that
I’ve grown attached to Emmy.”
     
     Melissa Turner sat up at that.  “Emmy?  You mean the
Emma on the television last night?  What about Elle.  You
slept with her!  And I assure you, from what I understand,
everyone knows that you did more than sleep!”
     
     Eamon was annoyed.  Can’t anyone keep a secret in this
house?  “Grandmother, do I go snooping into your affairs?
If you must know, I’m with Elle, too.  Dad, you certainly
know what that is like, don’t you?  These IAM twins have
attachments that can’t be broken.  My Mother was one as
everyone knows.  So Dad brought both her and her sister into
the family.  Somehow I don’t think Dad considered it much of
a hardship.
     “Actually though, there is more.  There are another set
of twins named Edie and Eddie.  They come with the
territory, too.”
     
     Melissa sat with her mouth open.  When she had
recovered her wits she said, “Eamon, am I to understand that
you’ve been out of the house for two days and now you have
four girlfriends?”
     
     “Yes, Grandmother.  Actually they are more than
girlfriends.  They are my soulmates.”
     
     Melissa turned to her husband.  “Well there’s one
grandchild that certainly got a full allotment of your
genes.  But I don’t remember even you working this fast.”
     
     Jake Turner put his hand on his chest in denial and
said, “Me?  Hey, how did I get into this?  Eamon is
perfectly capable of going overboard on his own.”
     
     Melissa brought things back to order.  “Eamon, dear,
with all of this, shall we say, courting going on, did you
have time to find out anything useful?”
     
     “Grandmother, they are the real deal.  New Man is real.
New Man U. is the most amazing place I’ve ever seen.  It’s
populated with child-geniuses.  My girlfriends are in charge
of much of it.  Their mother is the University President.
Emmy is Dean of Students and Director of Admissions.  Elle
is, well I forget exactly what Elle does.  Mostly she is the
financer of the University. Edie and Eddie are scientists.”
     “These children have incredible intellects.  Andrew
nurtures them, helps them grow, while giving them as free a
reign as possible.  Within itself, New Man U. is a totally
open society.  Everyone’s opinion is respected.  That’s
because everyone’s opinion is brilliant.  Andrew defers to
his daughters’ decisions on almost everything, so far as I
could tell.
     “You saw how Emmy handled herself during that press
conference.  She’s a piece of work, I’ll tell you.  You’ve
met Elle.  Grandmother, would you believe that by the time
she was six years old, she had earned as much money as you
inherited?  She is a financial super-genius.  New Man U. was
entirely built and endowed with money that she earned on the
markets as a little girl.”
     “But there is more to my girlfriends than intelligence.
They all are sweet and funny.  They are athletes.  And they
have other talents too, but I’m not going to go there right
now.  But let me assure you, these eKids would be tremendous
allies of the Turner family.  We should help them.  We
should give them all the assistance we can.  I’m telling
you, Grandmother, they are on the side of the angels.
     “And Grandmother, if they say there is going to be an
Ice Age, I recommend you buy a warm coat.”

     Eamon’s father, J.J. was looking bemused.  He said,
“Four!  You got four girls and they all look like Elle?  I
didn’t know you had it in you, pal.”

     “Gee, thanks, Dad”, Eamon said sarcastically.

     “And so, Eamon, besides the obvious improvement in your
sex life, what exactly did you accomplish the last two
days?”
     
     “Grandmother, I told you.  I’ve met the Progenitor.
I’ve met his wives.  I’m familiar with how they work.  There
is nothing going on up there that I don’t know about or
can’t find out about.  My girls don’t hold things back, from
me at least.  They have nothing to hide, pretty much.  You
sent me up to find out and I found out.  Believe me or don’t
believe me.
     “Perhaps you think I’ve been mislead.  If so, you would
be mistaken.  I’m here to tell you that the eKids are the
most important things on earth right now.  They are the
salvation of mankind, it seems to me.  And oh, by the way,
I’m an eKid, as if you didn’t know.”
      Melissa Turner was mildly amused by her grandson’s
feisty nature.  “Don’t get testy; we’re just trying to get
information here.  We sent you up there, you had your little
fling, and now you are back home.  What do you plan to do
with your little girlfriend?  Is she going to stay here,
too?  How about the other three?  Do you have room enough in
your bedroom for four women?”
     
     “Grandmother, you have things backwards.  They aren’t
staying here.  I’m staying there.  Right now that is where
the action is.  And as I said, I’m an eKid.  I need to
expand my horizons, and New Man University is the place to
do it.  My girls have jobs to do there, and so do I.  I’ll
continue to report back to the family with my progress.
I’ll tell you what’s happening there that they won’t reveal
to the general population.  I’ll be your little spy for you.
     But understand this.  They had me pegged when I walked
in the door.  They knew why I was there from the start.  And
still they invited me into their inner-most circle.  They
told me to offer you their hand in friendship.  Grandmother;
Granddad, I think you should take it.”
     
     Eamon sat down and took a deep breath.  In his head he
said, “Well?  Was I okay?”
     
     He heard a small sweet voice in his head say, “You were
wonderful!  No wonder I love you so.”
     Eamon had a contented look on his face, knowing that he
had pleased Elle, faced his family successfully, made his
case forcefully.  His contentment turned to surprise when he
heard another voice in his head.
     
     “Way to go, E-Man.  You are the best.”
     
     “Emmy?  What the hell are you doing here?”
     
     “Oh, I’m still at New Man U.  But I missed you.  Are
you mad at me for listening in?  I’m sorry.”
     
     Eamon chuckled quietly.  “No, sweetheart, I just had no
idea this telempathy thing worked long range.  It feels so
good to hear you in my head.”
     
     Eamon could actually feel Emmy shudder comfortably as
if she were a kitten expressing her pleasure.  “You are so
sweet.  Elle, you take care of our young man tonight, you
hear?  Give him an extra-special blowjob.  E-Man, I promise
that both of us will be there.  I bet you even feel me, even
though I’m five hundred miles away.”
     
     Eamon’s cock stirred with that bit of knowledge.  He
looked around the room at the various members of his family
engaged in animated conversations, trying to make sense of
what they had learned today.  Eamon leaned back and basked
in the glow of his contacts with Elle and Emma.
     
     “Oh!  Elle, I think we’ve got the E-Man a little hot
and bothered. Do you think it’s fair to make him wait?  He’s
been so good to us.”
     
     “You’re right, Emma.  Maybe we should just give him…
what should we call it, a virtual blowjob?”
     
     Eamon almost jumped out of his seat as out of nowhere
he felt two sets of lips touching his semi-erect dick.  The
woman sitting next to him, Erika Johansson looked at him
strangely.  He gave her a sheepish grin and settled back
down.  Erika turned away and Eamon did the only thing he
could do; he tried to look like nothing was happening.
     
     Eamon felt a tongue start at the base of his dick and
work its way up.  Meanwhile the crown was engulfed by a wet,
warm, inviting mouth.  His balls seemed to be massaged by
soft, loving hands.  His eyes shot open.  No one seemed to
be paying attention to him yet.  That wouldn’t last if he
let this go on much longer.
     He withheld a groan as he felt his entire length
sliding down a warm grasping throat.  He was hard as a rock.
His dick was moving up and down, seemingly on its own.  His
fingers dug into his chair as he tried to maintain a
semblance of self-control.  Looking at the front of his
pants, he wasn’t surprised to see a rhythmic rise and fall
in perfect time with whoever was sliding up and down on his
dick, face-first.  Eamon was frantically wondering if a
virtual mouth could swallow real cum.
     Then he saw that his mother was looking at him
curiously.  She walked over to him amidst the hubbub of
activity and conversation.
     
     “Eamon, dear, tell me.  What are these other talents
that your girlfriends have that you didn’t want to tell us
about?”  She was pointedly looking at his crotch.
     
     Almost instantly Eamon felt the wet and warm caresses
cease.  But his face had turned a bright red, embarrassed
that his own mother had seen him in such intimate
circumstances.  A part of him was frustrated, but mostly he
was relieved.  He was back in control of himself.
     
     “Mom, if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”
     
     His mother gave him a secret smile.  She leaned over
and gave him a peck on the cheek, then put her mouth next to
his ear.
     
     “After what I just saw, I’m ready to believe anything.”
     

Part 19
     Three teenaged girls were laughing and kidding as they
edged forward in the boarding line.  Rich girls such as them
rode first class, so they were among the first group to
board the plane bound for Cancun.
     They stepped to the last stage of security before
boarding.  The security guard seemed to be double checking a
pre-printed list against the boarding list.  Two of the
girls were subjected to a perfunctory check.  Then the guard
eyed the third girl.
     
     “Would you step over here, Miss?”
     
     Joan Ashley was surprised, but she had been raised to
obey authority.  Without objection she stepped behind the
line.  She looked back at her friends, shrugging her
shoulders.
     
     The guard said, “Will you please follow me, Miss?”
     
     She said, “Will this take long, officer?  We’re taking
off in twenty minutes.”
     
     She followed the officer into a small room where she
was asked to take a seat.  Before she realized it, she was
in handcuffs.
     
     “What are you doing to me?  Why are you doing this?”
     
     “I’m sorry, Miss.  You are identified as a possible
terrorist by the Department of Homeland Security.  I’m not
allowed to speak to you any further.  I’ll be outside
guarding the entrance until the federal officers get here.”
     
     “But, but…”  The girl was sputtering in her disbelief.
What was to happen to her Spring Break in Cancun?  She came
to party!  What is her father going to do to her?
     
     A few minutes later the door opened again.  In stepped
a tall young man with a badge sticking out of the pocket of
his sports coat.
     
     “Hello, Miss. I’m Officer Dan Johnson.  Do you know why
you have been detained?”
     
     “I don’t know!  The other officer said I was a
suspected terrorist.  How he got that idea I just don’t
know.  I’m on Spring Break.  I’m going to Cancun with my
girlfriends.”  Joanie saw that the new officer was quite
tall and quite handsome.  Her heart rate accelerated, not
because of the detention but because of her captor.
Joanie’s primary goal in going to Cancun was to lose her
virginity.  Unfortunately, she bore a remarkable resemblance
to her father, so she was afraid that her chances were
negligible.
     
     Then Joanie heard the words that she hoped to hear when
she got to Mexico.  “Miss, Please take off your clothes.”
     Joanie looked up to see the Officer Johnson slipping on
a pair of latex gloves.  Her heart skipped a beat.  Where
did he plan to put his hands?
     
     “Uh, Officer, isn’t a woman supposed to be strip
searched by another woman?”
     
     “Yes, ordinarily you are correct.  But since you are a
suspected terrorist, time is of the essence.  We can’t get a
female officer here for at least an hour.  Please begin to
strip.”
     
     Secretly, Joanie thought, “all right!”  She wondered if
she could evoke a response from this hunky officer.  She was
wearing clothing fit for Mexico, so she was dressed lightly.
She demurely slipped off her sandals, then began to unbutton
her blouse.  She locked eyes with Officer Dan as her fingers
went lower and lower.  She pulled her arms out of the blouse
and dropped it to the floor.  She was now wearing only a bra
plus her shorts and panties.
     Although her face was less than beautiful (she had to
admit), her body was at least respectable, even sexy.  Her
fingers went to the clasp on her shorts, and she dropped
them to her ankles, then stepped out of them.
     Now standing in only bra and panties, Joanie felt a
certain dampness in her crotch.  Her gaze traveled down
Officer Dan’s body to his midsection.  Did she detect a
response?  Joanie reached around and unclasped her bra,
holding the front by the cups, then slowly, very slowly,
dropping them.  Her round breasts stood proudly on her
chest; her pink nipples pointed in the officer’s direction.
     Finally she turned around, and bent over to remove her
panties.  Officer Dan would be the first man to see her ass
since her father changed her diaper, if he ever did.  She
personally thought her ass was pretty nice.  She hoped he
thought so too.
     She looked over her shoulder at the Officer.  Now she
was sure that he was reacting to her nakedness.  He seemed
to be breathing rather rapidly.  And his trousers were much
fuller than they had been a few minutes before.  Joanie felt
more aroused than she ever had in her life – probably
because she had never before been aroused in the presence of
another human being.
     Joanie turned to face the officer.  Her arms were held
at her side.  She refused to cover up any of her nudity.
“Now what should I do, Officer Dan?”
     
     “Uh, what’s your name again, Miss?”
     
     “Joanie.  Joanie Ashley.”
     
     “Well, uh, Joanie, I’m afraid I need you to bend over.
Place your hands on the table. If you wish you can rest your
head on your hands.”
     
     “Yes, Officer Dan.”  Joanie felt so sexy.  Her voice
dripped sensuality.  Officer Dan couldn’t help but notice.
     
     Joanie bent over the table, and looked back at her
captor.  She saw him apply some lubricant to the fingers of
his gloves.  It occurred to her that no lubricant was
necessary.
     Officer Dan gripped Joanie’s ass with one hand while
his other cupped her mound.  She gasped as she felt the tip
of one finger run along her vaginal lips.  It worked its way
to her erect little nub and inadvertently massaged it in its
passing.  Joanie’s eyes closed and her mouth opened.  She
threw her head back and a moan escaped her lips.
Inadvertently she felt herself grind against Officer Dan’s
hand.
     Again she looked back at Officer Dan.  He had a patina
of sweat on his face.  She looked deeply into his eyes.  “Do
it.  Do it, Officer Dan.”
     
     His finger slid between her lips.  He slowly began
exploring her channel, looking for contraband, no doubt.
Too damn slowly for Joanie’s liking.  She slammed herself
onto Officer Dan’s finger and buried him deeply in her
pussy.  The action was so quick that she barely felt the
tearing of her hymen.  Her pussy began to violently contract
around Officer Dan’s finger as Joanie rotated her hips,
relishing the feeling of first intrusion.  Her hips were
humping his hand.  She felt a thumb intrude on her anal
opening and she screamed in her lust.  Like a firecracker,
her first orgasm exploded within her.  Her demanding hips
continued to rotate on Officer Dan’s hand as the long
awaited moment prolonged itself beyond all reason.
     
     Joanie finally came to her senses and looked back at
Officer Dan.  His mouth was open as he saw a small amount of
blood appear on his glove, dripping from Joanie’s vagina.
     
     Officer Dan was barely able to mumble, “You’re a
virgin?”
     
     Joanie looked him squarely in the eye.  “Only if you
insist.”
     
     A few hours later the Attorney General of the United
States was still at his desk, still trying to plan for the
execution of another nutty directive from the Vice
President.  ‘I could be a partner in the second biggest law
firm in Baltimore’, he thought.  ‘Instead I’m working my ass
off for nothing.  Fifty years from now historians are going
to look back at this and think I’m a fucking fascist or just
a fucking idiot.  I’m not sure which is worse.’
     
     His phone rang.  He looked at it with distaste.  Only
the really important calls made it through to him.  He
didn’t need another important call.  Reluctantly he picked
it up.
     
     “Hello?”
     
     “Daddy?”
     
     “Joanie?  Is that you?  How is Mexico?”
     
     “Daddy, I’m not in Mexico.  I’m still in D.C.  Daddy, I
was arrested.”
     
     “Arrested!  Young lady, what the hell did you do now?
I told you last night not to get into trouble.  But no.  You
couldn’t wait twenty-four hours until you screwed up.  Well
let me tell you, young lady, this is the last time you’re
going to Cancun.”
     
     “But Daddy, I didn’t do anything.  They arrested me as
a suspected terrorist.”
     
     “A terrorist?  You’re the daughter of the God Damn
Attorney General of the God Damn United States of Fucking
America!  What idiot thought you were a terrorist?”
     
     “I guess the Secretary of Homeland Security.  I was
listed as a suspected terrorist and airport security
arrested me.  But don’t worry.  I’ve got it all sorted out.”
     
     “Well where are you now?  Are you going to catch a
flight to Cancun?”
     
     “Uh, actually no, Daddy.  I’ve decided to stay in
Washington.”
     
     “Well that’s probably a good idea.  I’ll see you when I
get home then.”
     
     “Uh, actually no, Daddy.  I won’t be home.”
     
     “You won’t be home!  Where the hell will you be?”
     
     “Daddy, I’ve found a nice guy who helped me out of this
mess.  The least I can do is to thank him properly.  See you
in a few days, Daddy.  Bye.”
     
     The phone clicked off.  The Attorney General looked at
it like it was an alien creature.  He slammed the phone back
on its hook.  He thought, ‘My daughter, my Joanie is out
there somewhere.  She’s out there getting laid.  My Joanie
is getting laid!’  He considered the matter for a moment.
‘Christ, I never thought I’d see the day.  The poor sucker
must be blind.’
     
Part 19
     Elle and Eamon were sitting in the den with Eamon’s
mother watching the news.  Elle wanted to learn what
actions, if any, were being taken by various world
governments.  Not much, if the media were to be believed.
In Elle’s family everything the media said or claimed was
taken with a serious grain of salt.  Still, they sometimes
got the story right.
     The BBC anchor had finished another boring interlude
about the strength of the Euro versus the dollar.  Then she
looked at the camera with a slight smile on her face.
     
     “A bizarre event occurred at the Ronald Reagan National
Airport in Washington today, as the daughter of the Attorney
General of the United States was held on suspicion of being
a terrorist.  Eighteen year old Miss Joan Ashley, apparently
on her way to Cancun, Mexico to celebrate Spring Break, was
arrested and detained for most of the day until her true
identity was established.
     “No comment was forthcoming from the Attorney General,
but curiously his daughter was heard to say that this has
been her best vacation ever.
     “It has yet to be explained how the name of the
daughter of one of America’s highest government officials
could be added to Homeland Security’s most wanted terrorists
list.”
     
     Elle collapsed on the couch in laughter.  She couldn’t
help herself.  Tears had begun streaming down her face
before she could gain a semblance of control.  Just as she
thought she was done, another round of laughter would erupt
and again Elle would be helpless.
     
     Eamon’s mother looked at her with one eyebrow raised.
Eamon himself was more than a little confused by Elle’s
reaction.  Yes, the story was amusing, but this amusing?
     
     Finally taking huge gasps of air, Elle regained her
composure.  “Sorry.  I guess that’s about the funniest thing
she’s ever done.  Well, maybe not the funniest.  But it’s
pretty darn funny.”
     
     Eamon said, “You know this Ashley chick?  What did she
do that was so funny?”
     
     Elle shook her head.  “Not Joan Ashley.  Emmy!  This
has Emmy’s fingerprints all over it.”  She broke out in
laughter again as the shear audacity of it hit her again.
     
     Recognition appeared in Eamon’s eyes.  Eamon’s mother
looked slightly shocked.  But then she said, “Is this one of
those special talents you were talking about?”
     
     Eamon said, “I don’t know.  I don’t know what she did,
let alone how she did it, or even if she did it.”
     
     Elle finally had returned to earth.  “Oh, she did it
all right, but no ‘special talents’ were involved.  Mrs.
Turner, please.  You have to swear you’ll never tell anyone
about this.  We are hanging on by our fingernails already.
This can’t come out.”
     
     Mrs. Turner said, “What can’t come out?  What exactly
did your sister do?”
     
     “She hacked into the Department of Homeland Security’s
computers and added a name to the most wanted terrorist
list.  I suspect she probably added quite a few names, all
of them children of high government officials.”
     
     Mrs. Turner looked confused.  “But, computers are
foolproof.  Hacking was completely eliminated years and
years ago.  Ever since they replaced what was it called,
Windows?  Yes, Windows.  Ever since it was replaced,
computers have been impervious to hackers.”
     
     Elle turned a bland eye on Mrs. Turner.  “Of course,
you are right.  Now who was it that developed that hack-
proof operating system?  Oh, yes.  My sisters.”
     
     Mrs. Davan Turner put her hand to her mouth.  “Oh my
God!  Oh my God!”
     
     Elle smugly smiled.  “Ain’t we stinkers?”