Feeling like she was on the verge of being a millionaire, Maggie walked into the house with a check for over ten thousand dollars in her purse. The first payment from the website company had arrived and she was feeling ten feet tall. She had even gone out to show it to one of her boyfriends.
She happened to glance over at Guy reclining on the couch. She hadn't expected to find him at home. He was supposed to be at work. Puzzled, she looked at him again. He didn't normally use the couch. It took a moment and then she spotted it.
"What's that?" Maggie asked.
"That is Patches," Guy answered. "He's my cat. Maybe I should say that I'm his person."
"I don't like cats," Maggie said while glaring at the beast.
Disinterested in her opinion, the cat looked at her and yawned. Guy scratched it behind the ear and it turned its head into his hand.
"I do," Guy said.
"You're getting rid of it," Maggie said.
Flippantly, Guy said, "I'd rather get rid of you."
"You can't mean that," Maggie said.
She'd never seen Guy act like this. He seemed completely unmoved by her demand that he get rid of the cat. He knew how much she disliked cats.
The kids entered the house having returned from school. Hardly a second passed before Bill said, "Hey. Dad has a cat."
"A cat?" Sean said while doing a double take at the cat.
"Mom doesn't like cats," Ellie said. Everyone in the family knew that Maggie didn't like cats.
"Get that cat out of here," Maggie said.
"No," Guy replied.
"You know I don't like cats," Maggie said. "I demand that you get rid of it now."
Guy said, "Kids. I have a question for you."
"What?" Sean asked afraid that he and his siblings were going to get dragged into a war over the cat. All three of them edged away from their parents.
Ellie said, "We don't want to be involved in an argument between you two over a cat."
"There's no argument. Besides, you really want to answer my question," Guy said.
"All right, ask it," Ellie said resigned that she was going to have to tell her father to get rid of the cat if he wanted any peace in the house.
"Who would you rather live with? You cat loving father or your disease ridden skanky mother?" Guy asked in a conversational tone of voice.
What followed his question was the kind of silence that can only exist in a vacuum. To say that everyone was stunned would be an understatement. No one had ever heard him say a negative word about his wife. The kids backed even further out of the room to put as much distance between them and their parents while still being able to watch what was going to happen next.
The silence was broken by a loud screech, "How dare you say that!"
Guy picked up the remote control and pushed a button. Everyone turned to stare at the television with the exception of Guy and the cat. Guy was busy petting the cat and the cat was enjoying the attention.
A video recording of a conversation between Fred and Maggie started playing on the television. The setting was the middle of the living room. Fred was telling Maggie about his visit to the doctor and that she had given him gonorrhea.
Maggie fainted. Her drop to the floor was unnoticed by anyone except Guy. The three kids were staring open mouthed at the television.
Ellie said, "Fred?"
Guy let it play until it reached the part where Maggie was speculating about whether he had been infected and if she could blame him for her infection. The absence of sex over the past month was brought up. Fred was explaining that it wouldn't explain why his wife had it too.
Guy turned off the DVD. He said, "Kids, I've been faithful to your mother since the day I met her. I can't say the same about her."
"Fred? She was fucking Fred. I can't believe it," Ellie said in disgust. "He's like a hundred years old."
"He wasn't the only one. She was doing a couple of other men. I found out when I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. You can imagine my shock. I went to a bar to drown my sorrow in drink. I'm sure you know what happened there," Guy said.
"I can't believe she was screwing around on you," Sean said.
"I had just as hard of a time coming to grips with it as you," Guy said.
"That bitch," Sean said.
"Right now, you're mad at her. Tomorrow, you'll be mad at me. I'll understand your anger," Guy said.
"That's thoughtful of you," Bill said.
"Fred?" Ellie said. "What was she thinking?"
Guy said, "I'll repeat my question. Who would you like to live with?"
The cat turned its head to look at the kids.
"I like cats," Sean said deciding that choosing the cat was a little easier than coming out and choosing one of his parents.
"Me too," Bill said.
"Cats are fine," Ellie said. "We've never had a pet before."
"You don't have cats as pets. You cohabitate with a cat. Our job is to feed and water them. They occasionally let us pet them," Guy said.
The cat chose that moment to climb onto the back of the couch. It curled up and settled down to sleep. Guy smiled at the cat. "See what I mean?"
"Yes," Sean said.
"Spooky," Bill said. "It's like it understands you."
Now that the cat was off his chest, Guy sat up and faced the kids. He said, "I apologize for the language I used to describe your mother. I have listened to hours and hours of video in which she badmouthed me to you and to her lovers. I fear that I let my anger overrule my manners."
"That's okay," Sean said.
Bill said, "We understand."
"Fred?"
"Thank you," Guy said.
He looked at his wife who was still on the floor. He said, "I think when she regains consciousness, I will send her over to Fred's house. I think they deserve each other."
Ellie still couldn't get over her mother's choice in lover. She said, "I can't believe it. Her and Fred?"
Maggie groaned. Sean looked down at her with anger. Ellie stared at her with disbelief. Bill wouldn't look at her.
"Fred? You had sex with Fred?" Ellie asked when it was clear her mother had revived.
"Get off the floor, Maggie," Guy said.
"How? I don't understand. How did you know?" Maggie asked.
Guy said, "Pack a bag and head across the street. I think Fred is expecting you."
"His wife will kill me," Maggie said.
"When she and I talked earlier, she decided that a sudden visit to her sister was in order. He's over there alone. By the way, he has no clue his wife knows that she's got gonorrhea," Guy said.
"How will I get by? What will I live on?" Maggie asked looking at the kids like he was kicking her out of the dead broke. She was fishing for some sympathy.
Guy gave forth a sharp bitter laugh. He said, "Don't pull that shit. I happen to know for a fact that you got a check for over ten thousand dollars today. That should cover your living expenses until the next check arrives. The next one should be even bigger."
"You're a real sucker giving me twenty percent of that company," Maggie said with a sneer.
Guy said, "True. I gave you twenty percent of www.maggiethecheatingwife.com. Of course, you were the main attraction so it was only fair. It's bringing in a whole lot of money."
"What?" Maggie asked. The world started to spin on her and she staggered a step or two. "What about the knitting thing?"
"No. I got twenty percent of that and twenty percent of your website. They were two separate companies," Guy said.
"I'm on the website?" Maggie asked.
"Yes. Everything from the day I found out about your extra-marital activities is on the web. People have been paying good money to watch this drama unfold," Guy said.
"You son of a bitch," Maggie said. She didn't know what was on the website, but she was pretty sure that it wasn't good.
Guy said, "You can do better than that. I've listened to how you describe me to your lovers. I sound like real mean asshole bastard."
"You mother fucker..."
"That's more like it," Guy said.
Guy went over to the television. He removed the DVD from the player and put in another one. He pushed the button. Turning to her, he said, "You've never seen this. I thought you might like to see it at least once. Let me remind you that it occured thirty minutes after I discovered that you were cheating on me."
Maggie watched the video of the attempted robbery wide-eyed. She had read the newspaper account, but that didn't prepare her for this. She couldn't believe what she was watching. Guy was a beast.
Sean whistled and said, "You kicked the shit out of that guy."
"He's still in the hospital," Guy said watching the video. One of his co-workers had taped it and brought it in for him. He had been rather surprised by the sheer brutality of it when he saw it the first time.
"I can imagine," Bill said.
Looking at Maggie, Guy said, "If I were you, I'd get packed and out of the house before I lose my temper. You wouldn't like me when I lose my temper."
Maggie recognized a threat when she heard one. She disappeared into the bedroom to pack a suitcase. She dumped clothes into the suitcase without even looking to see what she was throwing in it. As far as she was concerned, the quicker she was out of the house the better. If she had to buy new clothes, then so be it.
Guy said, "Once your mother is gone, we should probably decide what to do about dinner."
Sean said, "Ah ... sure."
"I know you're probably in a state of shock. I just figure we could order in. We could go out in case you want to get out of the house for a bit," Guy said. "Either choice is fine with me."
"I don't know which I prefer," Ellie said.
Bill said, "I want out of here."
Ellie said, "Her and Fred. It's got to be a brain tumor."
"We'll go out if that's what you want to do," Guy said.
Sean asked, "What about the cat?"
The cat looked at him like he was crazy.
"Never mind."
"That is one freaky cat," Bill said.
Guy said, "I like him."
"It's a him?" Bill asked.
"He's an it," Guy said.
"I get it," Bill said.
Ellie asked, "Aren't you supposed to have mother served with divorce papers before throwing her out of the house?"
"That'll happen tomorrow. I was in a bit of a rush," Guy answered.
"Why were you in a rush?" Sean asked.
"It was because of Patches," Guy answered.
"The cat?" Sean asked.
Guy nodded his head. He sat down on the couch and rubbed the cat behind its ear. He said, "I learned today that Patches had been taken down to the SPCA the other day. It was either the cat or your mother. I really like this cat."
"I think the cat likes you," Bill said.
"Maybe," Guy said. "You can never tell with cats."
Maggie came out of the bedroom carrying two suitcases. She stood there looking forlorn. She said, "I'm leaving."
"You and Fred? What were you thinking?" Ellie asked.
"You wouldn't understand," Maggie said.
"You can say that again," Ellie said harshly.
"Bye Mom," Bill said.
"You'll be across the street, right?" Sean asked.
"For now," Maggie said.
"We'll see you around then," Sean said.
"I guess," Maggie said. She was finding all this hard to believe. Never in her wildest dreams did this end up with her leaving the house with the kids staying with Guy. She was supposed to be kicking him out of the house.
Guy and the three kids were watching her. She slowly turned and, walking woodenly, left the house. It was a long way to the house across the street.
"I'm sorry, kids."
"What are you sorry about?" Bill asked.
"For all of this," Guy said.
Ellie said, "You didn't do anything wrong."
They stood around without saying anything for a moment. Finally, Sean said, "How about Italian?"
"Italian sounds good to me," Bill said.
"I would like some Spaghetti," Ellie said.
"Italian it is," Guy said. "Let me feed the cat and we'll go."
The cat was off the back of the couch like a shot. It headed straight for the kitchen.
"Weird cat," Bill said.