"What are you doing?" Sean asked. He knelt down to study the contraption the Dwarves had built.
"We're busy, don't disturb us," Chom answered.
"You're the only one here."
Chom replied, "Okay, I'm busy."
Since Chom was lying on his back with his fingers laced together on his stomach and watching the clouds go by, Sean didn't think that Chom was so that busy that he couldn't talk. He asked, "Busy doing what?"
"I'm busy working on the police car," Chom answered. He yawned and shut his eyes.
"This doesn't look much like a police car to me," Sean said rising up to walk around the contraption.
"Of course it does," Chom said opening his eyes to look at Sean.
"Well, police cars tend to be car shaped. This is shaped like a missile," Sean said. He noticed that it even had little fins on the back.
"They want a fast police car. We built a fast police car," Chom said explaining away any differences between what Sean expected and what they built.
Sean walked around the police car and asked, "Does it have a siren?"
"No. Stomp doesn't like the sound of a siren," Chom answered. There wasn't much sense in building a new police car just to have it stomped flat again. He said, "It does have pretty red and blue lights that flash."
"It really does look like a missile," Sean said not finding any sign of red or blue lights. There were only three wheels with two in the back and one in the front. He wondered how difficult it would be to turn.
"It isn't a missile; it is a police car," Chom said getting irritated at Sean's persistent criticism of their car.
"I'll take your word for it," Sean said shaking his head. He said, "I bet the first time you drive it that it takes flight for the moon."
"It will hug the ground like a scared child clinging to its mother," Chom said confidently. He yawned and then added, "Speaking of mothers, you might want to go get your mother if you want to eat dinner tonight."
"What about my mother?" Sean asked concerned by the sudden change in topic.
Chom answered, "She headed out to the dump about nine this morning with your girlfriend's mom."
"She's at the dump?"
"Yes."
"Why would they be out at the dump?" Sean asked pretty sure that he knew the answer.
"The Leprechauns were out here talking to each other about there being gold hidden in the dump," Chom said with a chuckle.
Knowing what the dump smelled like on a warm day, Sean asked, "They didn't happen to hold that conversation where my mom could overhear them did they?"
"I do believe that your mother was busy sneaking up behind them at the time," Chom said stroking his beard and looking thoughtful. He nodded his head and said, "Yes, I do believe so."
"Oh, brother," Sean said. He sighed and asked, "When will she ever learn that you can't catch a Leprechaun?"
"Leprechaun's do have a reputation of being rather tricky," Chom said.
Sean went into the house. Lily was seated at the kitchen table with a bag of cookies. She grabbed the bag and held it close to her chest. Looking at him through narrowed eyes, she said, "Mom has run away without leaving any dinner for us to eat. You're going to have to find your own food."
"Mom is at the dump looking for the Leprechaun's pot of gold," Sean said. He wondered if there was a twelve-step program for weaning mothers off of chasing Leprechauns. After a moment of thought, he decided it was a little too narrow of a problem to deserve its own support group.
"Oh," Lily said putting the bag of cookies back on the table. She thought about it for a second and grabbed the bag of cookies. She said, "You never know when she'll return."
"Let's go down there and get her," Sean said. There was a loud bang from the backyard.
"What was that?" Lily asked just when another loud bang sounded.
"I think the Dwarves are giving the police car a test drive," Sean answered. He wasn't quite sure why the cars the Dwarves built always made a bang when they started them. Of course, the sound of explosions was rather typical whenever the Dwarves did something. Sean looked out the back door and said, "The car is gone."
Sean and Lily decided that it would probably be a good idea to wait for the dwarves to return from their test drive before heading out to the dump. The Dwarves were out there somewhere driving the police car at what were undoubtedly high speeds and with reckless abandon. Sean didn't like the idea of being on the road at the same time as them.
"When do you think the dwarves will return?" Lily asked.
Glancing over at the clock, Sean said, "I'm not sure. They should have been back by now."
"It is starting to get late," Lily said. She reached into the bag of cookies and grabbed one.
"Can I have a cookie?" Sean asked.
"Get your own food," Lily said clutching the bag tightly to her chest.
When the Dwarves still hadn't returned after half an hour, Sean decided that it was becoming necessary to go to the dump anyway. If they waited too much longer it was going to be dark before they returned home.
Driving to the dump, Sean said, "Keep an eye out for the Dwarves."
"Why?" Lily asked. She was still holding onto the bag of cookies.
"They are driving around somewhere," Sean said terrified at the prospect of running into them on the road. It wasn't the chance of encountering them somewhere on the highway that concerned him, but the chance of literally running into them.
Lily pointed to the sign advertising the lingerie shop at the mall and said, "I don't think they will be driving anywhere for a while."
Sean looked in the direction that Lily was pointing. The police car was half buried in the Shirley's Secrets/Shirley's Treasure sign. The missile-like car was embedded right between the legs of the rather scantily clad model adorning the sign. The back two tires were spinning lazily. Pip was underneath the car tugging on his beard. Chom was sitting astride the vehicle checking out the situation while scratching his head. He said, "I told him that it would take off for the moon."
Giggling, Lily said, "Wow! That looks just like a scene from one of those movies on the dirty movie channel."
"What?" Sean asked turning to stare in shock at his little sister.
"Chom's rocket landed in her pocket," Lily said with another little giggle.
"No more television for you," Sean said sternly.
Lily rolled her eyes and said, "You need to learn how to clear the history file on your browser. I bet Suzie would just love to know what kind of websites you visit."
"You wouldn't dare," Sean said looking in horror at the smug expression on her face. He knew that she would tell Suzie about the websites he occasionally visited if he argued too much. Sighing, he said, "Let me find out what happened here."
Stepping out of the truck, Sean headed over to the sign. On reaching it, he asked, "What happened?"
"Nothing," Chom answered trying to look nonchalant.
"The car is embedded in a sign," Sean said pointing out the obvious.
"Really?" Pip said trying to look surprised. He stepped out from under the car and looked up at the sign. Going for the full innocent effect, he said, "You're right. The car is embedded in a sign."
"How did that happen?" Sean asked.
"I parked it here," Chom answered while Pip snickered.
"Great parking job," Sean said rubbing the back of his neck.
Looking a little worse for wear, Clea appeared on top of the sign and looked down at Chom. She said, "I told you I should drive. I warned you to watch out for that bump in the road."
"It was just a wee little bump," Chom said.
"It was a good flight. I flew about two hundred yards through the air," Pip said grinning.
"You didn't hit the sign," Clea said rubbing her forehead. She had enjoyed the flight for the fraction of a second that it had lasted.
Sean leaned forward and examined the sign a little more carefully. There was a slight indention that was oddly dwarf shaped above the point where the car was embedded in the sign. A normal person would have been killed hitting the sign that hard. Shaking his head, he asked, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Dwarves are tough," Clea said.
Looking back at the missile shaped car, Sean asked, "How are you going to get the car down?"
"Don't worry about that. We've got the situation under control," Chom said while pacing along the length of the car. He jumped up and down at the end furthest from the sign. The car didn't even rock a little bit.
"We do?" Pip asked surprised by that revelation.
Deciding that a change in topic would be a good idea, Chom asked, "Have you found your mother yet?"
"We were just on our way to the dump," Sean answered. He looked over at Lily and noticed that she was furtively eating another cookie.
"You didn't answer his question." Pip said. He ducked under the sign and looked at the front of the car. There was a lot of car stuck through the sign. He asked, "How are we going to get the car out of there?"
"Later," Chom answered.
"We're going to get it down later?" Pip asked. He jumped up trying to touch the bottom of the car. It was just out of reach.
"We'll talk about it later," Chom answered.
"When?" Pip asked.
Chom glanced over at Sean and answered, "When he's gone."
"When who's gone?" Pip asked.
"Him," Chom answered trying to gesture inconspicuously at Sean.
"Him who?"
"Him him," Chom said nodding his head in Sean's direction.
"I don't know anyone named Him Him," Pip said. From under the car he couldn't see Chom yanking on his beard in frustration.
"I'll explain it later," Chom said clenching his fists and looking up at the sky.
"When?" Pip asked walking to where he could see Chom. He noticed that Chom wasn't looking too happy. Turning to Sean, he asked, "Do you know Him Him?"
"I think he's talking about me," Sean answered wondering what kind of plan Chom had in mind that he wasn't going to talk about it with him around.
Lily rolled down the window and asked, "Are we going to go find Mom anytime soon?"
"Yes," Sean answered. He looked at the car and muttered, "It looks just like a missile."
"It's a police car," Chom shouted.
"It does look a bit like a missile," Pip said cringing when Chom glared at him. Standing up straight, he said, "What can I say? It looks like a missile."
Sean walked off while the two dwarves were arguing about whether or not the police car looked like a missile. He got into the car in time to hear Chom ask, "What is a missile?"
While Sean was putting on his seatbelt, Lily asked, "Why does Shirley's have two names?"
"Uh, I don't know," Sean answered despite the fact that he did know. He pulled away from the side of the street and continued the trip to the dump.
Lily said, "I bet it is because they sell naughty clothes and dirty toys."
"You might be right," Sean answered staring fixedly down the street ahead. He really didn't want to have a conversation about that with his little sister. She was too young to be talking about subjects like that.
"Maybe I ought to get some dirty toys," Lily said.
Sean was about to tell her to talk to their father, but held back. Their father would sputter for a minute and then send her to their mother. Knowing his mother, she would probably take Lily to Shirley's Treasures just to irritate him. He grimaced at the idea and said, "Stick to dolls."
"I heard they had inflatable dolls there," Lily said. She wasn't quite sure why anyone would want an inflatable doll, but she enjoyed watching Sean turn bright red. Wondering how red he could get, she said, "I heard that they were life size and anatomically correct unlike my Burbie doll."
"Stick to your Burbie dolls," Sean said.
"I want an inflatable doll," Lily said watching her brother for his reaction. She could almost see steam coming from the top of his head. Sweetly, she asked, "Do you think they have a Kent doll?"
"No!"
Lily said, "You are turning a particularly nice shade of purple."
"Can we change the subject?" Sean asked. His fingers were making indents in his steering wheel.
Lily grinned at him. She asked, "What would you like for your birthday?"
"My birthday isn't for months," Sean answered wondering why she had chosen that particular topic.
"I bet you would like an inflatable doll," Lily said with a giggle.
"No," Sean said thinking he wasn't going to survive the drive to find his mother. He wished that the dump was closer to the house.
Lily said, "I think I'll tell Suzie that you want one."
"Don't you dare," Sean said nearly driving off the road. He looked over at the bag of cookies she was hugging tightly to her chest and asked, "Can I have a cookie?"
"No," Lily said nearly crushing the bag of cookies when she clutched them tighter.
"Come on," Sean said begged.
"Okay," Lily said. She reached in the bag and pulled out a cookie. Handing it to him, she said, "Just one."
"Thanks," Sean said glad to have changed the subject.
"You're welcome," Lily said.
Sean nibbled on his cookie until they reached the dump. He parked his truck next to where his mother had parked her car. He turned to Lily and said, "There's mom's car. You might want to stay in here until I find your mother."
"Good idea," Lily said wrinkling her nose. Young ladies who wanted to become cheerleaders did not spend their free time at the dump. She was pretty sure that was in the cheerleaders' rule book. She said, "Cheerleaders do not play in the dump."
"You aren't going to be a cheerleader," Sean said firmly.
"That's what you think," Lily said. One day she was going to have lots of boyfriends who would fetch and carry things for her.
Sean got out of the car and wandered around the dump looking for his mother. The odor coming off the trash was mind-numbing. It seemed to him that it was worse than the day that he had spent out there searching for gold. It didn't take him long to find the two women. The foul language (perfectly fitting for environment) that came from their mouths seemed to carry for a mile. He stopped and looked down at the pair wondering how they had managed to get buried up to their chests in the trash. The two women exchanged looks that spoke volumes.
Amused, Sean said, "Tsk, tsk, tsk. It looks like someone threw away two perfectly good mothers."
"Shut up and get us out of here," his mother said not sharing his amusement for some strange reason. She was hot, tired, and thirsty. She had been stuck in the garbage since the early morning and was not in the best of moods. All she wanted to do was to get home and take a shower.
Suzie's mother said, "I hate Leprechauns."
"Whoever threw these mothers away must have wanted a younger model," Sean commented wondering why they didn't see the humor in the situation.
"Younger?" his mother screeched.
"I've heard that mothers get pretty cranky when they hit a hundred years old. I guess it is true," Sean said scratching his cheek.
His mother glared up at him and said, "If you keep talking like that, you won't live to see your next birthday."
Suzie's mother said, "I really hate Leprechauns."
"I'm beginning to understand why they threw you away. They wanted a nicer model," Sean said knowing that he was probably enjoying the situation a little too much.
"Get us out of here," Suzie's mother said.
Trying to look miserable, Sean said, "Look at what I've become. It is sad to think that I'm reduced to digging through the dump in the hopes of finding a mother. Imagine what it will be like going through life telling people that the only reason I have a mother is because I found one at the dump. I'll never live down the shame."
"I'll mother you," his mother threatened.
"I bet if I look around here a little longer that I'll find a nicer mother. I'm sure that other families have thrown away a mother or two," Sean said with a grin.
Resigned to the fact that she was going to be stuck there until Sean had finished having a little fun at her expense, Suzie's mother asked, "Why is he always the one who finds us?"
"I'm just lucky," Sean answered.
"The universe hates us," his mother answered. This was worse than having him find them glued to the bench in the middle of the woods.
Sean said, "I wish I had a camera."