Dexter and Eric were having their weekly Wednesday meeting, via video conferencing. Dexter was at his office while Eric was at his. The most recent article had been about employee benefits. Basically, it discussed how to find out exactly what benefits one had, as an employee.
Companies, upon hiring people, gave them a detailed description of the job benefits. However, over time, those benefits changed. Announcements concerning the incremental changes in benefits were delivered to employees, but the writing was typically small, and couched in language that didn't really communicate the full extent of the change. Established employees never a received a detailed package of the total benefits that were available to them.
This issue had come to light when Dexter had had a conversation with someone at the steakhouse he frequented. A man who had been with a company for twenty years, had been shocked to discover that he didn't have nearly the benefits that he had believed. Several of the plans had changed over the years, while some things had been dropped. Others had been added, without him being signed up for them. He hadn't been aware that he had to enroll in some of the benefits.
The company the man worked for had transitioned to a website for employee benefits. This sounded good, except that it allowed the company to make changes without explicitly advertising what was changing. People only visited the website when they had a problem with a benefit. When a benefit was discontinued, a small announcement was put on the page, for a very short period of time. They also removed all links to the discontinued benefit. Once the original announcement had been on the page long enough, legally, the announcement was moved to an archive arranged by date. To discover that it had ever existed, would require going through the archives month by month. It would be buried among all kinds of 'important' announcements, such as a news blurb that some particular date was national wart day.
The only real advice that Dexter could suggest, was to schedule monthly visits to the benefits website. The person should be prepared to spend four hours on the website, since there was a lot of information that could be stashed away on hidden webpages. If necessary, the browser could be set to increase the font size for easier reading.
So far, the reaction to the article had been lukewarm, at best. Dexter knew that people either felt very strongly about this subject or not. He had never really been the kind who had tracked his job benefits with the diligence required, mostly because he was too busy to spend the time on it. That lack had burned him, several times, in the past.
Having dealt with the latest article, Dexter said, "How about we tackle the problem of companies trying to raise capital from employees, by selling discounted deferred stock options?"
"I remember that debacle," Eric said.
Shortly after Eric and Dexter had left, the company had tried to raise capital by selling stock options that could be exercised after six months. The options had been sold at ten dollars a share below the current market prices. By the time six months had passed, the stock cost less by purchasing them on the stock exchange, than by using the options. Some people were still holding onto the options, hoping that one day they would be worth something.
Dexter said, "People should be aware that when a company turns to raising money from its employees, it is because real investors wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole."
"Okay, I'll get started on that article," Eric said.
Dexter asked, "Have you heard anything from our guys at Daimler Plastics?"
Eric said, "I talked with John, yesterday. The guys have finished the Daimler job. Yesterday was their last day, there."
"That's good," Dexter said. "Is Daimler pleased?"
"Yes, I would say so. John ended up saving them over twenty million in license fees," Eric said. "Daimler gave him a ten percent commission. John is beside himself."
"I think John may be able to start his own company. Software license auditing," Dexter said.
"That's not a bad idea. I'll mention it to him," Eric said.
"I guess everyone is happy."
"Daimler is cleaning house, today, based on the report that we sent him last week," Eric said. "He's having a few difficulties."
"What kind of difficulties?" Dexter asked.
Eric said, "Some of them are demanding their 'golden parachutes.' Apparently, they can't be fired for incompetence, without getting millions of dollars in compensation."
"Some of them broke the law," Dexter said.
Eric said, "They are all lawyered up, so who knows."
"I bet Daimler is happy about that," Dexter said sarcastically.
Eric said, "He wants to talk to you this afternoon."
Dexter had never wanted to get involved in the Daimler mess. He had mentioned putting a couple of guys into management positions thinking that Ed Daimler would take care of it. Instead, Daimler had turned it around and given Dexter the problem. The old man was pretty convincing.
Dexter made the call to Ed Daimler. He expected to get a secretary, but Ed answered right away.
"Hello, Dexter."
"Hello, Ed," Dexter said.
Ed said, "Dexter, I've got a problem."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dexter said.
"Those bastards won't leave unless I pay them to leave," Ed said. "I'll be damned if I'm going to pay them for screwing up my company."
"Then don't get rid of them," Dexter said.
"I'm not going to keep them," Ed said. "I can't have a vice-president of finance who's playing games with the books."
"So don't let him near the books," Dexter said.
"He's the Vice President of Finance," Ed said.
Dexter answered, "That's a job title. Send out a statement from the board that there is a new position, the Vice Dictator of Finance, who has the responsibilities that were formerly associated with the Vice President of Finance. Put a new person in that position."
"What about the bastard?"
"Announce that the new responsibilities of the Vice President of Finance will now be as the greeter at the front door, or cleaning toilets with a tooth brush," Dexter answered.
"Dexter, I love the way you think."
Dexter said, "Make the official uniform of the job, a tutu."
Ed burst out laughing. After half a minute, Dexter could imagine tears coming down his face from the laughter.
"I owe you big time," Ed said, just before hanging up.
Dexter was in his apartment several days later, watching the business news on TV. There was a segment on humiliating incompetent executives. They were showing clips of executives at the doors to various Daimler Plastics locations, shaking the hands of people arriving at work. The initial humiliation of being reduced to the position of greeter had not been sufficient to make them resign. Nor was it sufficient to get news coverage.
Getting business programs to pick up the story had required an appearance by Ed Daimler, on a business show. It had been his announcement that after discussions with the corporate lawyers, it had been determined that the company could make tutus the official uniforms for all individuals whose duties were as door greeters.
Ed had even brought a visual aid: an actor he had hired to demonstrate the costume. The actor was a rather burly looking individual, and he looked totally ridiculous wearing the pink tutu. It appeared that the actor was having fun. He kept dancing across the set in his tutu.
The producer of the business show had realized that he had a major story. Instead of giving Ed Daimler the five minute segment that had been planned, the producer canceled everything else to stay on the story. He brought in every business pundit that had been hanging around the studio. The pundits were having a field day.
He called up the station's lawyers and had them come into the studio. The lawyers argued back and forth about the legality of using humiliating costumes as a form of punishment. One of the lawyers asked how having a corporate greeter wearing a costume was any different than a greeter wearing a lobster suit at a seafood restaurant.
Dexter watched the arguments with a grin. Dexter's amusement disappeared when Ed Daimler informed the world that Dexter James – yes, that Dexter James – had given him the idea. All of a sudden, Dexter was the subject of discussion.
Ed Daimler kept insisting that Dexter was not only concerned about employees, but cared about the company bottom line, as well. He pointed out that Dexter's complaints weren't about companies making profits, but about incompetent management taking short-cuts to make the profits. Employees were supposed to make money for companies by working, but companies were not supposed to make money by abusing their employees.
There was a substantial noise coming at the door. It wasn't a tapping, rapping, knocking, or banging. It was a booming noise that almost sounded like someone was using a sledge hammer on it, rather than a hand. From Dexter's perspective, only someone in a strong emotional state would hit the door that hard.
Concerned, Dexter quietly went to the door and peered through the spy hole. He saw an eye looking back at him. The visitor pulled back such that Dexter could see the whole person, though the spy hole distorted the image.
'This guy is a monster, ' Dexter thought.
He figured one blow from the guy would kill him. He hoped that he wasn't some disgruntled business owner out to kill him. In a rather twisted thought, he wondered if Mary upstairs would rescue him, by using her pepper spray on the big man.
The guy hammered on the door again. Dexter looked through the spy hole again. The man didn't look angry, just big.
Dexter shouted, "What do you want?"
"I've got a delivery for Dexter James," the man shouted through the door.
"What kind of delivery?" Dexter shouted.
"A camper," the man shouted back.
Dexter frowned thinking there had to be some sort of mistake.
"I didn't order a camper," he yelled.
"You're Dexter James, right?" the man yelled back.
"Yes," Dexter said.
The man shouted, "I have paperwork here saying to deliver this camper to you."
Dexter opened the door and asked, "What camper?"
"That camper," the man said as he pointed to the parking lot of the apartment complex.
There was a huge camper parked out in the middle of it. Dexter stared at it, incredulously.
"Here's the paperwork. You need to sign for it," the man said holding out a clipboard.
Dexter grabbed the clipboard. Sure enough, his name was on it ... as was his current address. He looked over it and then spotted the name of the purchaser – Daimler Plastics.
He said, "I can't accept this."
"I'm just the delivery guy. I have to deliver it to the person named on that paper. If you're that person, then you need to inspect it, and then sign for it," the man said.
"I guess you'd better show me the camper," Dexter said.
Dexter followed the man out to the parking lot, where the camper was parked. The man walked around the camper pointing out external features. It had everything. Then they went inside where the interior features were explained. The camper was fully loaded with every option available under the sun. They spent a good hour just going through the interior with the man pointing out how to use the various features.
After signing the paper, Dexter watched the man drive off in his truck. Dexter went into the trailer and sat down on a sofa. The side had been extended to form a living room. It wasn't quite as large as his two bedroom apartment, but he knew that many folks lived in smaller spaces.
"What in the hell am I going to do with this monstrosity?" Dexter asked.
He knew that he wouldn't be able to leave it parked at the apartment. It took up two parking spaces. He was afraid someone would break into it and steal things out of it. He was going to have to find some place to park it.
"I don't even have a way to move it," Dexter said realizing that his car didn't have the kind of power necessary to pull a trailer of that size. He guessed that the first thing he would need to do was buy a new car or something.
Dexter's cell phone rang. He checked the caller id.
"Hello, Ed."
"Hi, Dexter. Did you get my present?" Ed asked.
"Yes, I did. Thank you very much," Dexter answered. "It's got everything on it."
"I know that you had some reservations about getting a camper, but you'll really learn to enjoy camping," Ed said.
"It's more like a mobile home," Dexter said looking around at his surroundings.
"It is a little more mobile than a mobile home. By the way, your truck will be delivered in the morning."
"What truck?" Dexter asked.
"The truck to pull the camper, of course," Ed answered. "You'd think it would take less time to prepare a truck for delivery than a trailer, but that wasn't case. It seems they had some problems with the wiring. Apparently the truck used a four wire connector and the camper required a seven wire connector. I'll admit that sounds kind of stupid, after all the truck comes ready for a trailer."
"You didn't need to do this," Dexter said.
Ed said, "You saved my company from folding up in the next couple of years. This year alone you saved me close to a hundred million dollars. I figured one little camper and truck was better than a thank you card."
"I'm overwhelmed," Dexter said.
Ed said, "I think you'll enjoy the camper for years. There's a lot of this country to see."
"Thank you," Dexter said.
"I'll let you check out the camper some more. I'll be talking to you later," Ed said.
"Bye," Dexter said.
Dexter hung up the cell phone and then stared at it. He punched in the number that he knew by heart. After a two rings it was answered.
"Hello, Janet. This is Dexter."
"What do you want?" Janet asked.
It wasn't the most friendly greeting she had ever given him. In fact, she sounded distracted.
"I need to park something somewhere for a couple of days. Could I put it in your driveway?" Dexter asked.
"Sure," Janet said.
"I'll bring it over, tomorrow," Dexter said.
"Okay. I've got to go," Janet said and hung up.
Dexter stared at the cell phone, and then shrugged his shoulders. He had no idea what had distracted her. It wasn't his business, anyway. He was no longer married to her. The divorce had become official ninety days after Janet had signed the papers. He hoped that if her distraction was a guy, that he had broken the mood a little.
"At least I have a place to park this beast," Dexter said.
It was big.
Edited By TeNderLoin