Somehow I made it home that night. It actually wasn't that late. Mom met me at the door. One look at my swollen eyes and tear streaked face, and she knew. She wrapped me in a tender motherly hug and held me. I broke down again.
"Oh, David, I'm so sorry. Do you want to, can you talk about it?"
"N-no, n-not yet, Mom. It hurts too much."
I got myself back under control, wiping my nose on the sleeve of my tunic. I'd forgotten I was still in uniform.
"I better get changed."
I went to our, no, my room to change. It was almost unbearable. There were reminders of them everywhere: the half-burnt scented candles from our last night together; some of their clothes still hung in the closet; toiletries; the gifts; and above all their scent! It permeated the entire room, a mixture of perfume, and personal scents. The bed reeked of them, even after two months and fresh laundry. I didn't think I could stay in there, smelling them, but as I sat on the bed to take off my boots, I reached for one of the pillows and held it to my face. I inhaled deeply, and for a brief moment, they were back. I finished taking off my uniform and out of habit hung it neatly in the closet next to Carol's shirt she wore when she worked with Mom. It hadn't been washed, and smelled strongly of her. I took it off the hanger and held it to my face. Her aroma filled my senses as I stumbled to the bed and fell across it. Tired beyond all reckoning and surrounded by the scent of the women I'd loved and lost, I fell into a deep sleep populated by dreams of blonde and brown heads laughing in the summer sun dissolving into ghoulish skulls.
I have no idea how long I slept, the dreams keeping the needed rest from me. My body rested, but my mind churned and frothed. When I awoke on Thursday, it was daylight. The pillow and Carol's shirt were soaked. I'd been crying most of the night I guess, but I didn't remember. Feeling like shit, I stumbled out of bed and hit the shower, the warm water relaxing stiff muscles a little. I got dressed and wandered downstairs looking for coffee. Mom was in the kitchen, and set a fresh cup in front of me as I sagged into a chair.
"Hungry?'
"Naw, I don't feel much like eating."
"I don't care how bad you're hurting, I know you haven't eaten since you left Ipperwash. You can't function without food in you."
Never argue with your mother about food. She may force it down you.
"Alright, I'll try something."
Mom quickly whipped up a sturdy breakfast and placed it before me. I didn't realize how hungry I really was until I smelled the bacon. I almost inhaled the food, it disappeared so fast.
"Thought you said you weren't hungry?"
"That's what I thought, but I guess my body had other ideas."
"David, how bad is it really?"
I showed Mom Riekie's letter. It explained in her few words far better than I ever could.
When she finished, she just sat there, stunned then started the questions. Dad came in as she began.
"What does Bob know?"
"Nothing. He says he was here when Riekie made her sudden departure."
"What does Dolly know?"
"Same. She was out the night that set Riekie off. She said Riekie did tell her she had to be gone before I got home. Bob thinks, but doesn't know for sure, there's more to it than fighting with Carol Anne over my alleged cheating."
Dad interjected.
"What do you mean?"
"Bob thinks his dad is involved somehow. For myself, I'm sure he had something to do with poisoning Carol Anne's mind against me. Riekie told me in her last letter to camp she didn't like Carol Anne's attitude any time she'd been talking with Bob Sr., and he made some nasty remarks to her about me once when he was drunk. Bob thinks there's something more going on with him though, he just can't figure what or how. I think he's right, but like him, I can't imagine what else he could have said or done to piss Riekie off like that. Look at what Riekie says in her letter, 'Carol knows, but she won't believe me.'."
Mom spoke again.
"So what are you going to do, David?"
"Play it by ear. Carol Anne has holed up in her room being miserable. Now that Bob Sr. is away again, maybe I'll be able to talk to her some and win her back. She wouldn't look me in the eye, either.
"Mom, what, if anything, did Riekie say to you when she phoned? Probably nothing, I know. I think that was before the trouble started."
"She was angry with her father for ending their holiday and not allowing them to visit us. She asked after Val and Heather and said she missed us. She wanted to talk to all of us, but I think her dad made her hang up, because she ended the call quickly. That was the last time we heard from anyone until Bob came out and asked if he could stay over a couple nights because of the girls' screaming matches. That was the first we suspected something might be wrong, but we had no idea what it was all about."
Now Dad spoke.
"David, there's not much we can do except maybe try to contact Riekie. I think you're right, though that it's probably a waste of time. Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Where's she staying?"
"With Tante Pie and Tante Jo. She was going to stay there this year for college anyway. I imagine they're as upset as anyone over this, seeing as they helped Carol Anne and me get married in the first place."
Mom perked up her ears. Her next question was a dandy.
"Speaking of which: are you still married?"
"As far as I know. From the tone of her letter, Riekie still thinks we are. I still think we are, and for some strange reason, I think Carol Anne still thinks so too. It's more like we're separated, perhaps permanently, than divorced. There's that chance, however faint, of getting back together. Riekie actually makes that clear in her letter."
"Well, that's something, anyway. Even a small hope is better than none. I love those girls like my own, and I'm sure the Goddess still has something planned for the three of you. It's just not clear to me, my Sight isn't strong enough."
"Mom, the Goddess, or what I call the Power, or whatever, has abandoned me. I felt it leave last night. For the first time in over a year, I'm completely adrift."
"Oh, you poor boy! I knew there was an evil about! I MUST find a pure coven and restart my training! That is my job in this affair, I think. David, never give up hope. It may take a long time, but you and your wives WILL be back together someday, I'm positive. Now, what are your plans for today, your first full day home?"
'Haven't any."
'I suggest you spend some time with Bob at his place."
"OK."
I called Bob to make sure he was home and drove in to visit. We spent a few hours together on the living room floor playing with souped-up slot car racers, his newest fascination. He even got me to laugh a few times. Carol came down once to get something from the kitchen. She didn't speak to me, but she did stand in the doorway watching us with the little cars for a while, then she went back to her room. She looked a mess, her eyes swollen and bloodshot from crying, her hair unkempt and her clothing wrinkled. Before I left, I went up to her room and knocked on the door.
"Y-yes?"
"It's me again."
"I told you, go away!"
"I will. I'm leaving in a few minutes. You're not being fair to me, Carol Anne. I don't even know for sure what it is I'm supposed to have done."
"Tell that to your new girl friend!"
'What new girl friend?"
"Her! The one at camp who thinks you're her Knight!"
"Patty? Is that what this is all about? Patty? Because I helped her get back with Roy? That's a hoot! The last I heard from them, they're planning to get married."
"But you kissed her! And you had your arm around her!"
"I didn't kiss her she kissed me, on the cheek, no less, thanking me for being a Friend. And so what if I hugged her? I hug Bob as a friend. I hug Sandra as a friend. What's wrong with that?"
"There were others, too."
"That is pure and utter bull shit! Carol Anne Scott! I have NEVER lied to you! But someone else has been lying to you. So believe me when I tell you this: I love you more than I can describe, and you're KILLING ME!"
"I don't want to talk about it any more, and I REALLY don't want to talk to YOU! NOW GO AWAY!"
"OK. Have a nice night, My Love. I do love you. Someday you'll figure it out."
I didn't run away this time. Instead, I went back downstairs and said my goodbyes properly before leaving.
The next day, Friday, was the same routine. I went there ostensibly to see Bob. We messed around for a few hours playing with the fast little cars and getting some of our projects sorted out. Dolly even had me stay for supper. Carol came down to eat, but took her plate to the living room and ate while watching TV. After supper, she stayed with the TV, and didn't run off to her room.
Bob Sr. arrived shortly after we ate and seemed surprised to see me. Seeing him made my blood run cold; I was sure he was somehow at the centre of my problems. He was civil and even seemed friendly when he asked about camp, although I thought he spoke a little too loudly. Carol could hear him in the living room.
"Well, Dave, how was camp?"
"Very busy."
"Not too busy to have some fun though, eh? I hear there are lots of young ladies in Grand Bend ripe for the picking! Lots of free time and leave for doing what all soldiers do, eh?"
"Sir, I don't know where you get your information; sounds like somebody has been shooting you a line of hooey. The only time I was ever in Grand Bend was the third week of camp for a company outing to the Ausable Amusement Park. The only other times we left the Base were for Field Training Exercises."
"Hmmph! You make it sound boring and dull!"
"Camp wasn't 'dull' at all. I went there to learn. I met some really interesting guys and made a lot of new friends. The canoe expedition and the dune bivouac were a ball. We were too busy to get bored. After all, they crammed three months of training into just less than two."
He was really beginning to piss me off with his misinformed attitude when he abruptly ended the conversation.
"Well, glad you survived! Now I must meet and greet the family."
The only one he hadn't met and greeted so far was Carol, sitting by herself in front of the TV. He asked Dolly to make him a drink and strutted into the living room. I heard him say "Hi, Baby, how's my little girl?" and heard her reply softly "Hi, Daddy."
Dolly asked me to take Bob Sr.'s drink to him. When I delivered it, he wasn't in his usual chair, but was on the couch with Carol. She was cuddled to him like a little girl and he had his arm around her, his hand suspiciously close to her breast. I didn't like the look of it, and I liked even less his comment.
"My little girl has very nice legs, don't you think, Old Boy? Makes you want to see what's at the top, what?"
"Carol Anne knows very well what I think of her legs, Sir. Yes, they are very nice, but I don't think it's appropriate for two men, especially when one is her father, to be discussing a lady's charms as if she isn't even here."
"Hmmph!"
I got out of there, and left soon after. It was the long Labour Day Weekend, and because Bob Sr. was home, I didn't hang around much. I didn't see much of Carol at all.
I was at the Scotts' Monday, and was there when Bob Sr. left to return to work. He seemed to monopolize Carol. The few times I did see her over that weekend, she never said a word to me, but the look she gave me was one of hurt, anger, and something else I found encouraging — just a hint of longing... After he left, she went to her room. When it was time for me to leave, I went up and knocked on her door.
"Yes?"
"It's me, again."
"Go away; I have nothing to say to you."
I heard her starting to sob again. All weekend, whenever I saw her, she looked dry-eyed, but tonight she was starting to weep once more.
"Carol Anne, I love you. Nothing will ever change that. I thought it before, but now I'm convinced your father has said something to you about me. Whatever it was, I'm telling you it's a lie. He told me last year he was going to break us up. Looks like he's succeeding."
"You're the liar! Don't you dare talk about my Daddy like that!"
"You think what you want, then. Just remember, I really do love you."
"Go away!"
"OK. Good night My Darling. May the Goddess protect you."
School started the next day. Carol and I were in Grade 12 but different classes. Carol managed to pull herself together enough to go to class. I kept up my regular school activities, cadets and football. Jim Brown, the guy from the Prom stopped me in the hall and asked what was wrong with Carol. I told him we were going through a rough stretch and left it at that.
Every day after football practice, I went to the Scotts'. Practice ran later than the bus, so I would go to Bob and Carol's where Dad picked me up on his way home from work. Every day I would knock on her door, and tell her I loved her and that the stories she'd heard from her father were false. This went on for two weeks.
The first week, I got the same response as I'd been getting before, but she didn't yell, and seemed to listen. That weekend, Bob Sr. was away on one of his trips, so I hung out at their place more. On Sunday, Bob and I were out on the back porch lighting the barbecue for Dolly when Sandy, the youngest of the boys, came to me and said.
"Dave, Carol wants to know why you're hanging around all the time. She told me to tell you to go away. She doesn't want you here."
I saw Bob's face get red. He'd about had enough of what he thought was her stupidity, and was ready to blow. Sending young Sandy to carry her messages was close to the last straw for him. I put my hand on Bob's arm and shook my head. I was tempted to charge up to her room and yell through her door, but instead sent my message through her courier.
Even though indirect, I realized Carol had opened communication of a sort. My reply was direct.
"Sandy, tell your sister if she has something to say to me, she must be brave and do it herself. I don't talk through third parties. Can you remember all that?"
Sandy repeated it all back to me. He was a bright kid. When he left to give Carol my message, Bob said he was of half a mind to tell her off himself, but I told him to wait on that a bit. Before long, Carol appeared on the back porch. She looked nervous, and vulnerable. I saw her pain, but I didn't see the anger I'd been seeing since I got home. I took the initiative and I didn't pussy foot. Despite my own hurt and pain, my patience had limits.
"Sandy tells me you have something to say to me. Well?"
She fidgeted, I saw tears forming. I wanted to take her in my arms and make all her pain go away, but I knew she'd pull away and whatever progress I'd made, however infinitesimal would be lost.
"David, I..."
She burst into tears and ran back to her room, sobbing. David! She called me David! That was the first time since this whole sordid affair began she'd actually called me David! I wanted to rush after her. This was a major breakthrough! Since I got back, she had addressed me by name only once, and that was the 'you're in shit' 'Dave'. Bob had heard it too. He held me back when I went to go after her.
"Let her go this time. It's a start, but only a start; give her a little more time."
He was right, of course. Pushing too hard now could backfire on me big time. That night before leaving, I knocked on her door as usual. I could hear her weeping softly.
"Y-yes."
"It's me."
"Hello me." <An actual greeting!>
" Carol Anne, I love you. I didn't do anything wrong. I'd never hurt you. I told you once that if I ever did anything to hurt you or drive you away, I'd shrivel up and die. Well, I didn't do anything, but I'm still shriveling. Whoever it is you've been talking to, and I still think it's your father, has been telling you a pack of lies. That girl Patty is marrying Roy, and it's because of what I did for her as a friend, not because of anything I did with her. There were no other girls while I was at camp. I never left camp except the exercises and one day-trip to Grand Bend with the whole company. I love you too much to do anything as stupid as you seem to think, I have too much to lose. You MUST believe me."
"I-I'll try, David."
"That'll hafta do for now, I guess. I'm leaving now. Good night My Sweet Love. I love you. May the Goddess protect you."
"Good night."
I wasn't happy, but I felt a whole lot better. There was definite progress here. I told Bob on the way out. I slept better that night than I had in a long time.
The next week followed the same pattern. She spent most of her time at home in her room. When she was with the family, she even spoke to me. The anger was almost gone from her eyes, but the sadness was still there. She still wouldn't look me directly in the eye, though. My evening good night to her through her door followed a similar pattern to Sunday, with ever more softness.
Friday night, Bob Sr. came home. Carol was again on the couch eating her supper when he came in. He almost made a beeline for her when he arrived, spending the absolute minimum of time greeting the rest of the family. He sat on the couch with her, she cuddled under his arm, and they talked very softly so no one else could hear. I didn't like the way he seemed to be pawing at her, which she didn't seem to notice. Bob saw it too, and he was NOT happy.
Bob's own anger at my situation was almost at a boiling point. I'd seen it growing. The incident last Sunday with Sandy had almost caused him to blow, but he let me handle it my way, and it seemed to work. After seeing his dad with Carol like that, it would take relatively little to set his rage off. Bob rarely got angry but when he did, it was spectacular.
Bob Sr. and Dolly had to go out for the evening and we were left to mind the boys. Carol seemed even more reserved after talking to her father. As usual when he wasn't around, she soon disappeared into her room.
I left a little earlier than usual that night because I didn't want to be there when Bob Sr. and Dolly got home. I knew he'd be drinking, and I really disliked him when he was drunk. Before I left, I knocked on her door as had been my wont for the last two weeks.
"Yes."
"It's me again."
"Oh."
Her response was much cooler than I'd been getting lately. We'd advanced from 'Hello Me' to Hello David.' Now it was just 'Oh.' I felt a chill. And the change came after she talked with Bob Sr.
"Carol Anne, I love you more than I can ever describe."
"You keep saying that."
"Because it's true, and I want you to believe me. I'll tell you again: Your father, or whoever it is you've been talking to, has lied to you about me. I'd never hurt you. You know that.'
"He said you'd say that about him."
The son of a bitch! It was him!
"Carol Anne, you know me. You know I could never do the things he said about me. You used to trust me. Please, you MUST trust me on this."
"I'm thinking about it."
"You do that. I have to go now. I'll see you tomorrow, maybe. Good night, My Love. Sleep tight, My Love. May the Goddess protect you. I love you with all my heart. Good night Carol Anne."
"G'night... David."
She'd hesitated, but she had said my name.
Before I left, I told Bob about our conversation through her door, and that she seemed cooler than lately, making me believe even more it was her father who was deliberately poisoning her mind against me. Then she confirmed it when she let it slip he said I'd tell her he was lying to her.
Bob's anger was finally set off. He turned beet red, then white with rage, then he was on his feet heading for the stairs. I moved to follow. His voice held an edge and he spoke in quiet command. I knew he would not be stopped this time.
"Dave, go home. Go home now. This is a family matter now. Don't interfere. I have a job to do, and it might not be pretty. Go. Home. Now."
Knowing he wouldn't be moved from his present course, I headed for the door. He'd already raced halfway up the stairs before I got halfway out the front porch, roaring at the top of his voice.
"Carol! Carol Anne Scott! Open this fucking door now!! Or I'll break it down! And you fucking well know I will!"
Bob's sudden roaring rush up the stairs must have scared her half to death. As I closed the front door behind me, I heard her door open and she screamed something at him. As I walked down the walk, I heard Bob's angry roar again through an open upstairs window. The whole neighbourhood heard him.
"Shut! Up! YOU STUPID BITCH!! Just what the fuck kind of game are you playing?"
I heard her try to shout something back, but Bob was on a roll and would not be stopped. He kept on.
"Listen you stupid bitch! I have a few things to say, and you're gonna fucking well listen!"
There was more, lots more, but I didn't hang around to listen. I followed instructions and went home. Whether Bob's raging explosion would do more harm than good remained to be seen. I'd know the result tomorrow, regardless.
The next afternoon, Bob and I were supposed to meet a couple other friends for a late summer swim. I was running a little behind because of a cow versus fence problem at the farm, and didn't get to Bob's much before we were supposed to meet the guys. I had hoped to get there early enough to see if Bob's fit of rage the night before had had the desired affect.
When I got there, Carol was downstairs, and came out to the kitchen when Dolly let me in the back door. She looked tired, and had obviously been crying. She still wouldn't meet my eyes, but she smiled when she saw me and even said shyly, "Hi, David." I thought Bob's rage may have had a positive affect after all. I was sure of it, and even began to seriously hope when she said. "I know you're running late now, so when you guys get home tonight, could I please talk to you, David? It's important."
"Carol Anne, you can talk to me anytime you want. You know that. If it's that important, I'll skip going with the guys and you can talk to me now."
"No, that's OK. It'll keep a few more hours. You go have fun with your friends. I'll be here when you get back. Mom's going out this evening and I have to watch the boys, Daddy can't, he's half in the bag already." She giggled, music to my long suffering ears. She hadn't laughed or giggled that anybody knew of since the first few days of August, six weeks ago.
"Alright, Dear, I'll see you when I get back, then."
"Ok, 'bye David."
Her voice was soft and sweet, more like the Carol I used to know. This was more conversation than we'd had in all the last two and a half weeks combined. I just knew it was good news. I should have stayed.
Bob and I left to meet our friends, running a little late, but I didn't care. I was sure MY Girl was coming home. Bob and I had a chance to talk privately later on. I was full of curiosity and asked.
"So, you gonna tell me what happened last night? Last I heard, and most of the neighbourhood heard, was you calling Carol Anne a stupid bitch at the top of your voice."
"Well, it got her attention. She actually listened to what I had to say, and I said it loud and long. I laid it on thick. I told her she'd spent the last month moping around feeling sorry for herself and driving you away when there was no reason. I told her she drove Riekie away.
"I really laid it on when I gave her your patented friendship speech and how you couldn't do anything else but help that girl up at camp, no matter how funny it looked.
"I told her Dad was playing her for a fool. I said she'd been an emotional wreck all summer because you went to camp when she thought you shouldn't, and that made her vulnerable to his lies. I told her I knew he wanted to break you guys up. I told her you told me that last year, and that he told me so himself. She might not have believed you, but she believed me. I asked her, 'How can it be after years of ignoring us, all of a sudden Dad started paying attention to one of us and does it by carrying tales?'
"What really got her attention was when I told her I was sure he was hitting on her, that I saw him with his hand on her tit. She said she was so miserable and glad to be cuddled by our father she never really noticed, but then remembered feeling him squeezing her. I told her I recognized the look on his face last night as the same one I saw on me in the bathroom mirror when I got hot for Riekie. I told her I thought he was breaking you guys up so he could take a run at her himself. That scared her big time.
"I told her she was miserable because of what that son of a bitch told her. I asked her, 'How did he know so much about Dave at camp?' Carol said he told her he had a friend there in the office keeping an eye on you.
"That prick knew about you and that girl before your letter about it got here. Carol was waiting for it. Dad had already told her, and he had a picture of you with that girl. How did that happen?"
Now I knew who was feeding Carol the bull shit, and who his source was.
"The camp clerk took it. He was also the camp photographer and was all over the camp taking pictures of us in all our activities for the yearbook. I forgot all about that stupid picture when I wrote the girls and told them about helping Patty and Roy.
"Now I think of it, I should have known! The signs were all there to read! Jesus H. Christ, I'm stupid! He was an old sergeant in the Signal Corps, your father's old unit. He was all over me like a bad smell all summer, giving me shit for the least little thing.
"He reported me to my company commander for Patty kissing me on the cheek and I got hauled up on defaulter's parade for fraternizing with female civilian staff. My CO was a nice guy, though. He heard me out, talked to Roy and Patty and found out the whole story. The worst thing that came of it was that Patty got transferred to another mess so she and Roy wouldn't be able to see each other too easily. It didn't stop them, though. Last I heard, they're gonna get married. Instead of a mark against me, I got a small note of commendation on my course evaluation for 'taking a leadership role' to help some friends."
Bob continued with his story.
"Wish I'd known about the commendation when I talked to her last night. It would have been even more help. Anyway, when I ran down, Carol told me she was starting to believe you anyway because your story never changed. People get caught up in lies, trying to remember what they said. She said Dad's story had a bunch of contradictions she hadn't really noticed until you fingered him and got her thinking. She said she wanted to get back with you and Riekie, but was scared how you'd be with her. She knows she hurt you both pretty bad. She said she didn't mean to be cool to you last night but she was scared and didn't know what to do.
"By the time we got talking calmly without me screaming at her, I was holding her as she cried and cried, asking, begging me to tell her what to do to get you guys back. I told her what you always tell us. 'Tell them the truth. Dave wants you back so bad, he'll listen and help you through the hard parts.' That's what she wants to talk to you about tonight. I told her she should blurt it out as soon as she saw you, but she's nervous and wanted to ask you if it was OK to talk. Maybe you should have stayed and talked to her. Anyway, did I do a good thing?"
"You did more than a good thing!"
I was overjoyed. My hunch was right! My Girl was coming home!
My joy was short lived. I should have stayed with her to talk.