This was not a conversation Don had ever expected to have.
Lessa had brought a large breakfast tray up into his quarters, and both she and Shelly were now seated at a small table quietly breaking said fast with him. Don wondered what looks Lessa had gotten, acting the part of a waitress as she walked through the bridge to get up here. That was another problem to add to the pile he'd have to deal with that morning.
He looked over at Shelly, and saw that she, too, was in a thoughtful mood. He caught her occasionally giving him long glances as she chewed on a bite of sausage. When caught she didn't look away, but instead challenged him to back off himself. He did the same, and, finally, the whole situation caused Don to laugh and put down his fork. He looked over at Lessa, who had spent the meal gazing at both of them, thinking unknown thoughts.
"I feel like I'm having breakfast with your mother."
Lessa let out a laugh, smiling in a way that made his heart jump, but Shelly just made a snort of disgust.
"Don't blame me for how she turned out."
"Oh, don't worry, she's nothing like you."
Shelly's eyes narrowed, and Don held up his hand and shook his head.
"No, no, let's not start down that road. We have some serious things to talk about. We can fight over Lessa later." Shelly blushed a bit at that, but she nodded and took a long swig of juice. Don looked over at Lessa, who's own cheeks were slightly red. He wondered if his were doing the same, and with a smile sat back in his chair.
"What the hell are we going to do."
"You're supposed to be smart and stuff," Shelly said, eyes twinkling, "can't you think of anything?"
"Oh, I've thought of lots of stuff. Much of it involves putting my fingers in my ears and going 'lalalalala' so I don't have to deal with anything." He looked between them, face going serious. "I am NOT good at emotional, relationship stuff."
"Who is."
"True, but we're going to have to be unless we want things to get seriously fucked up." He resisted the obvious joke about instead wanting to be nicely fucked. This wasn't the time nor the place. Besides, someone like him who'd only been with a girl once, and that was only hours ago, shouldn't talk like that too much. It was… unseemly.
"Look, Don…" Shelly put her elbows on the table and leaned forward. "I love Lessa. I NEED her. She's found you, OK, I… I can deal with that. Maybe. It's not like I haven't been fucking around ever since we met. But… it's just for that reason that I don't want her to be on the other side of the ship when I need a friend in the middle of the night." Now Lessa really was blushing, but Shelly's eyes held Don's. "You need to share."
Don looked down at the table, composing his thoughts. It was amazing how well rehearsed words vanished when the moment finally came. He picked up his glass, just to have something for his hands to do.
"It's not like I haven't been alone for years. I doubt one evening with Lessa, even as wonderful as I now know she is, means I can't survive unless she's always near me. Besides," he said, looking over at Lessa, "loving you scares me."
Lessa reached over and took his hand. He looked down as her fingers entwined with his, long, calloused fingers, warm... comforting... frightening. He turned his gaze to Shelly.
"See? I… I honestly don't know how to react to that. It's going to take… awhile before I can act all sane about these things. As much as the horny boy in me wants her naked in my cabin every night, the realistic somewhat sane boy in me wants to keep her as far away as possible." He looked back over at Lessa. "And… I know I'm going to have to keep sending you into danger, but the part of me that keeps mourning over Cynthia will want to keep you safe even if it kills us all."
Lessa squeezed his hand.
"I won't let you be weak because of me. Or let you keep me out of danger."
"Easy to say, but…" Don sighed. He freed his hand, and sat up in his chair. "Well, let's deal with what we can to start with."
"And what would that be?" Shelly asked. The jealousy was still there, but she was doing a reasonable job of suppressing it.
"Well first, Lessa, while we won't bother trying to hide that we're a couple, there's no need for you to have to go through the bridge and let everyone know when we're getting together."
"Um, yeah… I was going to say something…"
"So, you gonna move out of this cushy office?" Shelly asked, looking around. She had never been in here before, and was impressed. Captains knew how to live.
"Nope. But, so long as you're looking around, tell me what the one design flaw in this cabin is. Lessa, you too."
The two girls turned in their chairs and looked around. Nothing seemed amiss. Lessa suddenly seemed to stiffen, Don smiling as her combat experience coming to the fore. She swung around and looked back at Don with an excited expression.
"There's only one exit!"
"Exactly!" Don said, impressed. It had taken him a week to notice that. "If the bridge decompresses or some such, the Captain would be stuck in here with no way to get to the rest of the ship. Not a good design at all, and one no Captain would stand for." He stood up, and walked over to a large book case over two meters tall built into the cabin wall. He turned back to the table. "Come over here you two."
Looking at each other, Lessa and Shelly stood and walked to where he was. Don pointed to a middle shelf.
"Lessa, I want you to pull out on that shelf. Hard."
Gripping with both hands, Lessa yanked… and the entire bookcase came forward. Surprised, she kept pulling. As the back of the book case came out beyond the front of the wall, there was suddenly resistance on the right hand side. Lessa found herself swinging the case open like a door. She stopped when the end of the bookcase came flush with the wall, stepping around to look at the revealed opening.
There was now a large indentation in the wall, a bit over a third of a meter deep. The back and right sides were solid, but the left side revealed a hidden shaft with a ladder leading downward. It had lit up as the bookcase had swung away. Shelly looked at Don.
"Now THAT is cool. Where does it go?"
"To a cabin nobody has bothered to use yet, probably because nobody wants to sleep right next to the bridge. It's nice, though, more than big enough for you two, and it wouldn't surprise me if Captains usually stashed their snuggle bunnies in it." He looked at Lessa, smiling. "There's no reason I can't do the same."
"Call me that, and I slit your throat."
"Snuggle Bunny!" came a deep voice from the direction of Shelly.
****
A couple hours later, the entire crew gathered in the main mess hall. Or dining room. They really hadn't come up with a standard name for the place yet. The big room where eating is done. Tables once again were pushed against one wall to make a stage, Don standing in front of the silent assembled kids. He had a smaller table next to him with a mug of fruity beer on it. No way was he doing stuff like this totally sober anymore.
"Well," he said, somberly, "yesterday didn't go quite as planned." There was a disgusted bark of laughter from Sean, seated against the right-hand wall, and Don nodded in agreement as a general rumble went through the crowd. "We got our butts kicked. Now… it's nobody's fault. Or it's all our faults. Take your pick. We all wanted to do it, we all agreed with the plan, and we all did our best. Sometimes," he said, self mockingly, "you just can't do what's right. Nobody," he looked first at Shelly, sitting next to Lessa near the front, then over at Sean who had in fact had issues with the plan, "is to be singled out or punished for this fiasco. We will mourn our losses… and go on living. Like we've all been doing since we've been born, it seems like."
He saw most of the crowd nodding, a few in tears. Mel was sitting next to Kine, his arm around her as she tried to keep her composure. Kine had his other arm around Amanda, drawing comfort himself from her. Don took a drink.
"Now, for all we did wrong, for all the gods shit on us, we did not lose Ken, Cally, Irene, Marc and Luc for nothing. We managed to rescue nine from slavery and certain death. No exchange is ever fair, no life saved is worth more than the life taken, but I'm glad we tried and they're here with us."
Don saw one of the newcomers, a skinny guy sitting with three others in the back, stand.
"We… the four of us, want to thank you for our lives." The teen licked his lips as he felt everyone's gaze turn towards him. "We were dead, in hell, and now we are alive and free. We have talked it over, last night, and… we would like to join you. We can't replace your friends and loved ones, and we know that some of you will hate us, just because. We've been in your place before. But… if you would have us, we would be your brothers." The other three joined him in standing.
Lessa suddenly stood, facing them.
"We welcome you."
In two's and three's the rest of the teens rose, and someone started clapping. Soon the sound filled the room, serious, respectful. Embarrassed, the four newest members of the crew nodded acknowledgment, then sat back down. The rest of the crowd followed, and Don's gaze went to the other teen rescued.
****
Hanna was sitting with the four children, not exactly sure what to make of all of this. She had asked around during breakfast, gotten a couple versions of this group's story. It clarified everything except what she was going to do. This place was not for her. She didn't know what place would be, but she was no soldier, that's for sure. Neither were these four kids, now rested and restless, but they weren't her problem. She stood.
"Um, my name's Hanna. You saved me, well us, me and these kids, and I'm grateful. But…" she looked around. "I honestly don't think I want to be here. I'm… I'm not one of you, and I can't be. I mean…" She sighed. Hanna had to just let it out. That Sean guy from last night already probably knew, so no reason to keep it secret. "I'm an adult. I'm 23. You guys probably think all adults are evil, right?" She looked around.
"Only the evil ones," Don said from the stage, and there was general laughter at that. "You're welcome to go at the first place we stop, naturally. We won't stop you, and we'll even give you what we can spare to help you start over." Hanna's eyes widened at that. "However, don't judge us and flee that quickly. If you have a skill, you'd be more than welcome to stay with us. What do you do?"
Hanna gave Don a speculative look.
"I've worked in a tailor's shop for a few years, so…"
"You can SEW!?!" A teen girl jumped up in the middle of the room, eyes alight. "Please stay! We'll pay you!!!"
"Stay! Stay!" There was a general chorus, mostly female, with a few guys sprinkled in. The blond boy sitting next to Sean whispered something in his ear, Sean just rolling his eyes. Don held up his hands and waited for them to quiet down. Hanna was still standing, partially in shock.
"Like I said… Hanna? We don't think you're evil. Hell, if you can give some of these fashion fiends three outfits for the cost of one from a planet side store they'll think you're a goddess." Hanna considered, then smiled.
"I do like being worshiped…"
There was general laughter at that, and she sat down. Don looked at the small kids sitting around her.
"We do have to decide, though, what we…"
"Bridge to Don!"
****
Everyone looked to the ceiling, where the message came from. An instinctual reaction that Don couldn't help find amusing. Naturally, the bridge itself wasn't in that direction. Jumping off the table, he quickly moved to an intercom on the wall.
"What's up?" He spoke loudly, so the rest of the room could hear. There was a pause.
"Captain… the channels are being flooded with news. So many rumors, unconfirmed reports, stories…"
"About WHAT, Villa?"
"They've used nukes on Faranth."
Silence.
Then almost as one, the room was on its feet shouting.
Their home world.
It was one thing to leave the place you were born, to hate it with a passion, to never want to see or hear of it again. It is another to find it has been harmed, that it may not be there anymore. To discover that, truly, you can not go home again.
Kine walked to stand next to Don, Lessa following suit, and yelled for quiet. When the din lessoned somewhat, Don spoke into the intercom again.
"What happened?"
"It's… it's all rumor and such now, you have to understand, and nobody is waiting for anything to be confirmed before adding to it. But… what I THINK happened is there was a large Rebel breakthrough around Ruatha, and… the Feds used nukes on the gap in their lines."
"Ruatha!" It was a small quiet cry, the girl's crying amplified by the sudden silence in the room.
"Then," Villa went on, "it looks like the Rebels responded. No idea beyond that."
Don closed his eyes.
"Thank you. Keep on it, and keep us on course for Kamui Station but keep us away from any other ships." He flipped it off.
This was bad.
Nukes had been used before, in the past, but not for… decades. In anyone's lifetime, even. For this to happen now…
****
"Ruatha!"
Wendi's cry of despair broke Sirenia's heart more than the loss of their home. Sirenia had cast aside her birthplace long ago. It had not saved her family. All she held allegiance to was those around her. Her friends. They were her family. This was her home. She put an arm around Wendi, hugging her tight, whispering in her ear.
"This is our home, Wendi. Here. Your friends are here. We're your family. You're safe here." Safe... Sirenia's eyes widened. Yes. Safe. That's what they needed. To be safe. Safe from... "Wendi, stand up!" She got the crying girl to her feet, pulling her along towards their leaders.
****
"Don."
He turned, and saw Sirenia had walked up before him. Wendi was with her, clinging to the girl's side. Amanda came up to join them, uncertain, eyes on her friends questioningly. The eleven year old bit her lip, then spoke in a loud voice.
"Don… I say we never leave this ship."
He looked at Sirenia in surprise.
"Um, what?"
"No planet is safe. I say we all just stay and live here."
Don gave an understanding smile.
"We can't just stay in space. We need supplies, to make our way…"
"Yes," Amanda spoke up. She was looking hard at her friends, at Sirenia's calm face, Wendi's pleading eye. She took a deep breath. "But… maybe we can give up the idea that any planet or moon can be our home." Kine looked at her in shock. She smiled sadly at him, hand reaching out to touch her friends. "I just want to be safe, Kine. It doesn't matter where. I just want us to be safe… and to have flowers. Give me a garden, a pretty garden…"
Kine took his sister in his arms, as she buried her face in his chest. Don looked around the room.
"Sound like a good idea to everyone, for now at least?"
It did.