Subject: Responses to "My Revelations"
Story Codes: nosex
Posted: March 5, 2010
Updated: March 19, 2010
Author: Kelly <pghpa_girl@yahoo.com>
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
!!!WARNING!!!!
This file contains sexually explicit material which may include graphic
depictions of underage, nonconsensual and unprotected sex as well as
incest, adultery, sodomy and bestiality. It is distributed on a website
clearly identified as "For Adults Only". Possession by a minor is
strictly forbidden. If you are not legally empowered to be in possession
of such material, do not read it and delete it immediately.
This work is copyrighted 2016 to the author. It may be posted to non-
commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites so
long as no changes are made to the content and the Author information is
retained. Any other use of this work is by written permission of the
Author only.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summary
=======
I recently posted a diary entry titled “Revelations" where I not only
told up to a few secrets I’d been keeping, but also confessed to a couple
of other things where I’d not been entirely truthful in the past. In
doing so I told about things I learned about myself and my family life
and parents. It was an extremely emotional article and difficult to
write. My biggest concern was the reaction I would get from those who
had been faithful readers over the years.
The initial reaction, as I expected, was mixed. Here is a sampling of
some of the responses I received and my comments about them.
*********************
From: Moi aussi <listecfa@hotmail.com>
Date: Wed, Mar 24, 2010 at 7:13 AM
Hi,
To your keyboard, I know you will make that text look better, once again
English is not my best language. Revelation: sex addict, nymphomaniac ?
There is no such thing as a pathology called nymphomania. It was made up
by society to label women with a big sex drive. Society is scared by
women sexuality, it wants to control it. There is a word for your male
equivalent: macho. Are they called sex addict? No, parents are proud to
have a son that is macho. You know how men’s are when they talk about
sexual experiences they have, they are proud, when women talk about
theirs, they are always ashamed or people try to make them feel guilt.
Sex addict, can’t we just call it a hobby? You know by now their two
kind of sex, on type that include love the other type just plain fun so
why do you wonder about being an addict or nymphomaniac?
I like to masturbate or have sex at least once a day, like I eat 3 times
a day, drink water, go to the gym 3 times a week and so on. I’m 40 and
it stills goes on People are jealous. Some people don’t like others to
have fun in life. For example the gays, they don’t like bisexuals
persons. Why ? Because they enjoy sex with both men and women.
Some gays never accept their orientation and are tortures, seeing people
have fun either way just make them jealous. People that call you names
are jealous, there is a saying that the cat that can’t catch the piece of
meat that hangs too high in the tree, will say that is rotten. So people
that can’t have you, control you or have the chance to live experience
that you live will spit on you. A other thing about man, one guy says to
the other: did you fuck her? If the other answers yes, the first guy
will say: what a whore, if the guy says no the first guy will say : what
a whore...see you can’t win.
About your father, seems like you have a need for submission and you love
to break rules. You intellectualized sex it is not just a physical need
but also emotional. You say your father loves you, hmm, does he bring
you flowers, goes out to dinner with you and do those entire thing that
lovers do? I know you’re going to say he loves you the way a father
loves his daughter, but still when I love or appreciate a women I like to
do these little thing. When I like her body and her sex drive I just
fuck her and go away. On my behalf I would say there are a few women I
needed, just a few. The smell of their body, the shape of their pussy,
the way they sucked, how they screamed I just needed them so bad. Just a
phone call to ask them to come and fuck them and after that send them
away. Why ? Because I didn’t
love them I had no need to get close to them beside sex.
*********************
From: dexgreen@mindless.com
Date: Wed, 24 Mar 2010 09:39:03 -0400
Subject: revelations
Dear Kelly,
I read your post titled "revelations." I feel really bad for you. Losing
your mother is a terrible thing. This may be worse than losing her in a
car wreck.
The internet is a funny thing. You have many people who read your site
and email you, but to your readers you are the only one. I just read
your diary and since it is your diary I feel like I'm close to you.
But, of course you don't know me!
I suppose this does not really make sense but what I want to say is that
if I say the wrong thing-it is not that I am attacking you personally, I
may think I am a good enough friend to disagree with you. But, since you
don't know me at all, you may think I'm a heckler or something.
Anyway...
I would like to make a few observations.
1. I have observed some local folks who were in the "swinging" lifestyle
in the 1970's. Somehow it didn't work out so well for their families.
They are very nice people, kind of like grandparents now, but their focus
on sex, opened them up to the same sorts of problems you have had.
2. Which leads to this observation. Sex seems to be a lot about control
and submission. When you denied your father, he later called you and
said he "needed" you. You went to him and he made you submit and you
accepted something which was offensive to you.
3. As I said, I have not been reading your site because of some of the
issues people get into here. Do you think that when you get people to
talk about certain things you are also doing an dominate/submissive role
scene? (That was not to be mean or put you down it was just something to
think about.)
4. You may want to remove some of your comments about your father.
Saying that he is currently involved in something illegal is a lot
different than saying this is a story you made up about a fantasy which
involved yourself.
5. Are you really sure that you need to submit yourself to your father?
You are now an adult? What does this submission mean? Is it to be
respectful or is it to do whatever he asks of you? At what point do you
want to build your own life?
I am writing to you because I feel like I know you from reading your
diaries. I like you. I think you are a really good writer. I think you
should be happy. I think we all need God's love and forgiveness daily.
As I said earlier have stopped closely following your site because many
things discussed here disturb me. This does not mean I am condemning you
or dislike you. I just believe differently. Again, I love your diary
because it is about you and I've followed you for a number of years. I
want your life story to have a happy ending. This is a strange letter
because I'm trying to encourage you but yet I feel I'm being negative. I
don't want to be negative, I actually care about you. (I know it is the
internet and none of us may be real) I want to say that life is one foot
in front of the other. New things develop, some good and some bad. You
strive to make the best choices.
You are given a hand of cards-good or bad, and your faith in God helps
you play your hand. Do the best you can in everything. Search for God
with an honest and open heart and you will be led.
That sounds cheesy but I've found it helpful.
Good luck and I hope life improves for you.
De
P.S. Please don't put me in your hate mail! If this annoys you please
just throw it away and I won't bother you again...
*********************
From: sean alif <seani69@hotmail.com>
Sent: Mon, March 22, 2010 4:05:03 AM
Subject: RE: your last diary entry
Hi Kelly,
I read the last diary post, "the reconciliation", a few days ago and have
been meaning to write to you ever since but couldn't. The main reason
for this delay is that I wanted to say so much about so many different
things and there was never enough time to do it. Finally, I decided to
"just do it" but write in "installments" if necessary. LOL. Basically,
there are 3 things. First: Your style of writing/storytelling. It is
just SO unique & SO enjoyable. As you know, most porn writers, like porn
movies, follow one of the two styles. Either it is wall to wall
fucking...furious, hard, animalistic, raw fucking! There is little, if
any, story build up & dialogue is limited to something like, " OH YESSS!!
FUCK ME!!!!! FUCK MY PUSSY!! SHOVE YOUR BIG HARD COCK IN MY FUCKING
CUNT!! OH GAWDDDDDD!! I AM CUMMMMMMMINNNNGGGGGGG!!!!"
HaHaHa. I confess, there are times I can enjoy that kind of porn :)
Then there is the "couples" type porn. There is plenty of romance,
feelings, long foreplay and a nice build up. I like that very much, esp
if it is sprinkled with or ends with some good hard fucking. :) But you
don't follow either. You have a rather unique style, very much your own.
It is as if we are two close friends & you are sitting down & chatting
about the last date. You take your time explaining the background, your
thoughts, hopes, fears, expectations, trepidations etc etc. I like it
when you digress because that’s what do we do in real life chats.
Everything is "as seen thru your eyes". We begin to (almost) experience
what you are experiencing. Case in point, the last entry. When you were
getting fucked by your dad and he was squeezing & massaging your gorgeous
ass cheeks, pulling them apart, stretching your pussy lips apart &
exposing & opening your very vulnerable asshole, I was ROCK hard! :)
When he asked you to hand him the lotion, I almost lost it. Such a huge
turn on!
But then, as he started to ignore your protests, pleas & pains and pushed
his cock inside rather mercilessly, I went limp!!! Completely! I lost
all interest! I felt SO sorry about your discomfort, pain & humiliation.
Just shows you how you make your readers identify with you! :)
So, THANK YOU! Hope you keep "chatting" with us for ever! You are very
special! :) Second: I know you had asked me not to judge your dad too
harshly, but it is so hard not to. He is looking worse & worse, I am
sorry! We already know how he manipulated you & your mom to satisfy his
sex addiction & pedophilia. He was almost ready to discard you (
sexually) because you don’t have that pubescent girl's body or the virgin
pussy anymore.
Seems he wants you only when he wants his "needs" satisfied. I have this
horrible feeling that he summoned you this time, not because he loves you
& had missed seeing his daughter or missed the beautiful sex you had
together I think he just remembered that he has never fucked your ass
and he decided that he just has to do it, whether you like it or not!
Even then, there are much, much better & loving ways to perform anal, esp
when you love someone. He did not have to practically rape your ass!
That is awful! You are such an obedient & loving daughter who can never
refuse her dad's wishes no matter what. You deserve better. Third: Some
thoughts about anal sex, as if you have not heard enough lol. But, it
will be a bit different perspective I hope. I will leave it till my next
email.
Love,
Sean
*********************
from: Keith Dyar <keithdyar@hotmail.com>
date: Fri, Mar 19, 2010 at 6:10 AM
Subject: long time reader
Hi Kelly,
I'm a long time reader but have never written before. I have always
found your stories to be fun and exceptionally hot but after reading
revelations and reconciliation I've got to say it moved me to write for
an entirely different reason. I know you love your father but his use of
you borders on abuse and while I can't judge anyone I hate that he has
hurt you so. I'm 44 yo myself and this one really brought out the
paternal side in me. made just want to hold you and tell you it'll be
alright. I pray that God will give you peace and compassion in the days
ahead.
Keith
=================
Kelly’s Response:
It’s touching to know total strangers have grown to know me through my
web site to where they can feel this deeply about me. At times I want to
quit because it seems nobody cares but then I get a letter like this one
and I know there are people out there reading about me and being
concerned for me. It’s a nice feeling!
*********************
On Sat, Mar 13, 2010 at 7:24 AM, Moi aussi <listecfa@hotmail.com wrote:
Hi
First what is it with you American to bring good into every situation,
here in Canada it isn’t so, better reach for a friend to share your
pain,…just like that… :))))
Second, bad english tried my best
Yes, for me too the revelation it was a shock, now I have to go thru your
whole diary again with a different perspective.
What I think is that you don’t have to look for answers or try to
understand. I was told once in any kind of relationship, we always seek
a personal interest, a need. It is always like that. Your father, i
presume here, it was to satisfy his need for young girls, and how
convenient it was his daughter. You,. I don’t know, sexual needs, to
explore sexuality, pleasing your father being up to what your father
wanted from you ?. Anyway it is for you to find out.
The revelation of your father: maybe it is a way not to impose a burden
on you to come every week or to get you involved with the other young
girls, since you generally don’t caution underage sex, he doesn’t know
how to ask you to join in. But I think the most important fact is that
he loves you, if he didn’t he wouldn’t care to just turn his back on you
and never say why. We don’t need to share or explain or behavior to a
person we don’t have any consideration for. At least for me it is that
way. Some time I wonder if it is better to have a submissive sexual toy
that just “shuts the fuck up” or a sex partner with who I can
rationalize, any of these situation have their pro’s and con’s.
As being a sex addict, it is not pathology if your father functions well
in society, if it doesn’t get in the way of his responsibility. Let says
a drug addict or any addict will destroy himself to the point of dying of
it or harm itself, is it the case of your father? Pedophile, isn’t a man
that ONLY enjoy sex with young people and can’t get it up with adult? If
your father likes any age, he is just a pervert like us all or enjoying
different kind of sexual situation. Make a parallel with food, if you
don’t eat meat you’re a vegetarian, some day you eat out, some day you
eat home, always comforting to eat home, no? Some day you go to the
fast-food for a quick one, some day you have the full service...anyway..
On your side, being clueless.. not really your fault you focused on
pleasure, love not the twist and turn of relationships. It is true
you’re a very intelligent person , very nice to read your text, love the
way you handle chats and you seem to be a good prson. There isn’t much
girl like you around. I met some focus on sex but damn they were dumb,
an intellectual desert, my gf is like you intellectually but too much
closed on sexuality with more than 2. She fills my every day needs as a
companion, intellectually, I which she was as pervert like me but her
insecurity it very high. I was told only 5%(to put a number) enjoy sex
for sex as a hobby or activity, the others have issues.
There is no such thing as adultery it is a conception of the society as
long as the rules are establish between individual those rules prevails.
Your mother accepted them in the beginning it is her right to get out of
the relationship when she feels like it, well, to cut off any contact
with you i think is wrong but...
I hope you won’t go around wondering too much, that you will go on with
your life and focus on your needs and ours as readers. If you like to
please your father and you love him he seems ok with that, why wonder,
have fun. Everybody wants a piece of you, as i can understand, you can
be picky, enjoy but don’t let anybody influence your freewill, your
freedom. And please stop it with that god thing, if there was any as it
is describe you, all your readers and fans would of been struck by
lightning by now. :))))
On a other subject, I read your text on the Indian casino, I didn’t like
the way it ended, what bunch of low life guys you came across, they were
not thankful of l to have the chance to meet you and have shared the
experience with you. I would have and always am when i come across a
women like yourself that let me please her and enjoys it
If you come to Montreal one day let me know, I know you don’t meet people
from the net , but if you go to a swinger club in Montreal tell me when
and where it is anonymous there.
Thank you for keeping you site up and your hard work very exciting,
interesting and brings introspection
Pat
=================
Kelly’s Response:
Wow, quite a letter! I totally disagree with the part about adultery as
I believe in God and the Bible but the rest of it was quite touching and
interesting to read.
*********************
On Sat, Mar 13, 2010 at 11:56 AM, <BobofM@aol.com wrote:
Kelly, your candor is what makes your site so compelling along with your,
to say the least, very entertaining narratives. As a longtime reader I
understand your concealing your mom’s divorce with the false story of her
death. The divorce was also shocking too as is your mom’s decision to
cut herself off from you.
I’m very sorry for your present distress that your father has seen fit to
inflict on you, shattering your illusions about your relationship with
him, if I have it right, by telling you that his sexual involvement with
you over the years since you were sixteen has been more about his desire
for sex with yourself as a young girl than a loving act of incestual sex
between father and daughter.
You recognize that your dad is a pedophile. Any psychologist would not
be surprised that your mom, a victim of coerced sex, basically child
rape, by her own father along with her sister, Aunt Linda, would be drawn
to someone like your father. She knew that your dad wanted you as a
prepubescent girl but fended him off saying it would only be ok if down
the road you initiated sex with him but hoped it wouldn't come to that.
Of course it did come to that as your dad did everything to provoke you
sexually and finally got you at sixteen when you initiated sex with him.
Your dad is no more a “sex addict” than you are. Labeling someone an
addict absolves them of a lot of responsibility for their actions. We
all are born with a sex drive but how we handle it separates pedophiles,
adulterers, molesters, from the rest. In your story Tent Sex (a very
funny story) you restrained yourself from sex with an underage boy
because you recognize that no adult should be involved sexually with a
minor, that its illegal because its very wrong.
A previous responder pointed out that you and your dad’s continuing
intense incestual relationship evidently became increasingly intolerable
for your mom when she found herself replaced by her own daughter as your
dad prefers young girls and you became 'the other woman.' You dad’s
affairs with other underage girls, along with her sister could only have
exacerbated things. Of course your mom was complicit in all this.
You are a person of character and integrity. You’ve always sought to be
a loyal and loving daughter but here your dad has treated you callously.
He has always loved and supported you but he is driven by his sexual
compulsions.
I think that you need to turn your attention to your teaching career in
order to become personally and financially independent. You know that
you need to get a job teaching in the public school system as you will
never make any decent money teaching in private schools. You have to do
whatever it takes to secure a decent job even if it means going back to
school to get an advanced degree, an MA.
You have the rest of your life ahead of you so throw yourself into your
career and things will open up for you and brighter days will follow.
Best,
Bob
=================
Kelly’s Response:
He raises a good point when he says my dad is no more a sex addict than I
am. Well, am I? I have certainly been accused of it in the past, not to
mention being labeled a nymphomaniac amongst other things which I
wouldn't mention in civilized company. What do you think?
*********************
From: Samuel Jones <sonyboy1256@yahoo.com
Sent: Thu, February 25, 2010 10:40:21 PM
Hey Kelly,
Read your last entry, that was a powerful one. I am sorry that your dad
let you done, sort of. You've always written that you loved to have sex
with him because you were his daughter and it was your responsibility,
because you loved him... I’ve always thought that these people who write
their "stories" on your site don't get what you perceive to be a "good"
incestual relationship. But now it seems like you dad was more like
these guys who steal their daughter’s panties and cum on them... not
because they love them, but because they are just horny old men... not
much love there.
I hope that you are doing better, I’d imagine that was hard for you to
put down into words.
Sam
=================
Kelly’s Response:
I don't know if my dad “let me down” so much as “led me on.” Even then,
it wasn't that he didn't love me or respect me, the scales were just
tilted far more to the “lust” side than I’d ever imagined. So far as I
know, my dad never stole my panties or anything like guys on my web site
do with their daughters; but then he didn't have to since he always had
the “real” thing available to him – me whereas the guys on my site can
only fantasize about having sex with their daughters. Sure, my dad was
horny but then, aren’t all men?
*********************
From: Drew Tenner <drewtenner@gmail.com
Sent: Thu, February 25, 2010 9:24:21 PM
Kelly,
That is a lot to take in. I hope no one hassles you about the
'scenario'. You were always up front that some things were embellished.
I can't imagine how many different things are going on right now. Best
wishes.
=================
Kelly’s Response:
Yes, I have always tried to be honest what is true and what is not on my
site, even when the “true” stuff is not 10% accurate I’ve tried to make
that clear. You would think people would understand why I protect my
privacy but there are still those out there that seem to expect me to
publish my name and address and phone number before they believe me.
*********************
From: Jonathan Holland <jonholland71@yahoo.com
Sent: Fri, February 26, 2010 9:40:23 AM
Dear Kelly
How are you. I read your latest post where you talk about your mom and
dad and growing up. I don't really know what to say about it all. I
can't imagine the turmoil you must be going through. I am definitely
praying for you. I you want to talk you can. I maybe don't have any
special insight but I care and I can listen. Also I am a Christian.
Regardless you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope things go well
for you. Take care.
Fondly,
Jonathan
=================
Kelly’s Response:
It never hurts to have someone pray for you! Thank God for my faith as
it’s what helps me get through times like this.
*********************
From: sean alif <seani69@hotmail.com
Sent: Fri, February 26, 2010 3:00:14 PM
Dear Kelly,
We had exchanged a few emails about a year ago. I haven't emailed for a
while due to some personal issues which has kept me occupied. I have,
however, visited your site from time to time. I just read your last
entry, "Revelations". To say that I felt devastated would not be much of
an exaggeration. It is funny how we develop emotional attachment to
people who we have only read about, have never met, & never will, and may
not even exist in the real world! I apologize for the last statement. I
DO believe that you are "real" but I am talking about cyber-world in
general.
As I was saying, I felt very sad for you and strangely enough on a
personal level too. Reading all that about your mom, I had developed a
great deal of admiration, respect & affection for who she was & how she
was. I was quite offended by Maria's ( I think ) most degrading &
humiliating story about your mom and cheered when you kicked her out.
You always wrote about your mom with such love & devotion and about your
dad too. Their marital relationship seemed ideal. I guess it was too
good to be true.
Still, based upon what I read, I had formed an idealistic vision of your
parents. Now, it is like a fairy tale exposed, like a temple destroyed!
Please forgive me for looking at it from my personal perspective. By no
means am I trying to ignore or belittle your loss. That is a given! and
you have expressed it quite eloquently in your diary. You must feel SO
devastated, perhaps cheated, for all those facts which were kept hidden
from you for so long. I feel for you and pray that you can cope with it
the best way possible. I know you will! Funny thing, reading this last
post, I kept hoping that maybe someone has hacked into your site and has
written this fake diary. I am still hoping for that but, sadly, the
writing style of this post is very similar to the others. So, I am
afraid it is genuine. :( Btw, do you know why your mom has severed her
contacts with you? To me, it is a puzzle. She has some genuine issues
with your dad but why any anger towards you? I was going to say some
things about your dad but I don't think you need to hear that. Plus,
this email is already too long and you are probably ready to doze off.
:)
Sean
=================
Kelly’s Response:
I do feel touched at times at how people who have followed me over the
years react to me. After all, I’ve been telling people about some of the
most intimate and special times of my life for almost seven years now! I
just wish more people who have been reading about me over the years would
get in touch with me too.
*********************
From: sean alif <seani69@hotmail.com
Sent: Mon, March 1, 2010 2:47:04 AM
Hello again, :) I respect your wishes about not judging your dad
harshly. Plus, who am I to judge anyway? I have more than my share of
faults & sins, I couldn't possibly cast any stones. You are,
undoubtedly, a very smart women ( not to mention gorgeous & incredibly
sexy ) so you know exactly what has taken place in your life. You took
an exceptionally bold step by revealing everything with such candor. I
bet that there are plenty of your readers who are waging their fingers,
assigning blames and spitting out all kinds of advice. I just want to
support you in however you feel & whatever you do. I only hope that it
does not embitter you much and you continue to love your parents &
continue to thrill us horny bastards & bitches here. Haha.
Do you think your mom may have had some strong resentments towards you
because of your close sexual relationship with your dad? I get the sense
that your mom was never in favor your dad fucking you. She was afraid
that it may be inevitable but she delayed it as long as she could. I
think her precondition that " only when she wants it & initiates it" was
based on a hope that you will never initiate it. When that did take
place, she was disappointed & resentful. These feelings only intensified
with the continued strong love/sex bond between the two of you even into
your adult life ( novelty did NOT wear off ). Although your dad fucked
quite a few other women, he did not love them, not even Linda, they he
loved you. So, YOU became the "other woman" & the object of her jealousy
& resentment. It was your "fault" because you "initiated" it.
Btw, may I ask you why you decided not to post any more of your chats? I
love to read them, especially the ones with Kay ( Kay_slut) You know
something? I have not seen a picture of either you or your mom ( or
anyone else ) but you paint such a vivid picture in words that it is easy
to imagine how beautiful you and your mom must be, both inside & out...
not to mention unbelievably sexy! It is hard not to love you guys.
Really?? not many comment about chats? Wonder why? Well, I am glad to
be in the minority who love, LOVE your chats. I dare say that I get even
more "turn on " from them than most stories ( not talking about your
diary entries). I guess probably because the chats seem more real. I
know, I know, they are not any more real than the stories but it is easy
to get into the "live chat". I guess, I am not making much sense here,
am I? lol
Now, I know you are going to ask me what I liked most & what I liked the
least. Well, the most I think would be your chats with Kay. The one
where you two had almost cybersex, OH MY GOD! ;) That made me cum! :p
The least liked has to be some chats where you appear to be coaxing a dad
to do things to his VERY young kids. Just not my thing. I find it a
total turn off. Of course, it is just fantasy. I strongly doubt any of
them would actually DO anything but still...
Do you still chat with Kay? If not, why not? Do you think I could try
to contact her? Kelly, I love your site but more than that, I LOVE to
communicate with you. I thank you for answering my emails even though
they are pretty "vanilla" & not very interesting. You are amazing &
truly one of a kind!
:)
Love,
Sean
=================
Kelly’s Response:
I don't post many chats anymore because frankly, there are not that many
that I think people would care to read and it’s a lot of work to download
and format them to make the readable.
*********************
From: Jules Peterson <pjules69@yahoo.com
Sent: Sat, February 27, 2010 2:07:52 AM
Hi Kelly,
I am the 30-something male who calls himself a straight pedo and sent his
survey a few weeks ago. This email took a good deal of time plus you may
find some harsh words at the end. I hope I didn't go to far with them.
I felt hurt of some things you wrote and had problems with a bad habit of
yours.
I just finished reading your latest diary entry. To be honest, my
feelings are somewhere between disappointment and anger. But I know that
will cool down, it’s like your reaction to your dad when you stormed out
but got a different mood later.
I just hope that you work your open mind in the direction of the evil "p"
word. Prejudices are common but that doesn't make them more reasonable.
It’s not Nazi Germany and it’s not the 18th and 19th century where
slavery was "normal". It's not school and you are the fat one everybody
picks on. Its 2010 and one would think that prejudices got old
fashioned. For example: Why make such a HUGE difference between a slut
(what accidentally you call yourself) and a whore (what accidentally you
don't call yourself). People tent to draw a line at their own limits.
Everything beyond is just not tolerable or even worse - disgusting. Is
there really such a huge difference between being a slut and being a
whore (a happy at that when it comes to Kristi’s past) that it makes
flames, name-calling and picking (?) justifiable?
Why to bring up this old story? Because I want to tell you 'through the
flower' that I think your daddy is still going to heaven when his time
comes. Everything I read about him and everything I know from my
experiences with the self-help group and the people I met there (people I
met in person, not online!) tells me this. Forget the news. Forget the
online world. Instead think of his tongue and what it does to your
pussy.
You should really work on your opinion here. It will not be a good idea
if you tolerate him just because he is your daddy. It’s not good for the
karma. Ask your grandma, she had to deal with real abuse (so when you
think it is abuse then you will end up just like her). Just remember
what good times you had with him and try to be open, tolerant. Don't
throw away a happy childhood for common prejudices. Maybe ask Kristi
more about her upbringing. More details and what she thinks of certain
things now. "You should really work on your opinion here. It will not
be a good idea if you tolerate him just because he is your daddy"
After I finished your latest diary entry I just wanted to be removed from
you site as soon as possible. A very important argument to write you in
the first place was that I thought you would be less brainwashed in my
particular direction then the norm. Well it is true, but its not nearly
as open minded as I first hoped you were. When I read through the diary
entries and chats and what else you have there, there were always ups and
downs but in the end I thought you would tolerate me. Your answers were
always polite or even encouraging to write more.
Over time I learned that you would be disgusted by the age alone if it
fell under your "limit". I now belief that you even think that young
children cannot have orgasms not to speak of positive experiences with
adults. Well I am not sure for the later because of different reasons,
but I can assure you of the first one. I did for as long as I remember
and I sure didn't stop until I reached an orgasm. Ask Kristi about this.
Anyway, I came to the conclusion that asking you to remove my stuff would
send the wrong message. I don't comment this further, but I am happy
that another opinion (my stuff) is out there in the big wide world for
anyone to read. It’s not the ultimate world changing conclusion and I
may be wrong in some/more cases and I sure am not the best writer and
writing in a foreign language doesn't help either but at least I am happy
that there is something different.
And, and that’s the important part, I still love you! Even if your open-
mindness doesn't reach my territory, it’s a WORLD more than most people
would tolerate.
The following excerptions hurt my feelings so I had to comment them
directly. The comments may sound harsh but I don't care. I think you
deserved it here.
"Sexual addiction is a disease, not something a man can control. Even
though I realize now that my dad is a true sex addict, I respect him for
having tamed most of his “needs” while I grew up out of love for my
mother and me."
What makes him different then you? You masturbate at least 2 times a day
and don't mind a 2 hour pussy-licking from Kristi. Where is the line? I
masturbate 1-2 times a day too, am I still healthy or do I have this
sexual addiction disease myself? This is not meant to offend you. I
really don't understand why you put yourself in a position where you can
point to someone else who is slightly different (well, is he at all?
don't you need it just the same?). It sounds like you are mother Theresa
and he is a bad demon directly from hell.
Pointing isn't nice, especially when you are not so much away lust-wise.
What is the point in pointing anyway? Does it make it easier for you and
your own demons?
If you think that his porn differs the two of you than I can only say:
Look in the mirror girl. Look at your page, look at the tributes, look
at the chats. Look at all the TIME you spent there and god knows where
else.
To conclude: if you think your father should be healed than you say the
same about yourself. (a disease is curable, right?). If that’s what you
think than its ok. What I don't like is the pointing.
"..and pedophile so she had to realize that sooner or later he was going
to have me - one way or another."
This is just evil. How can you sleep with such thoughts in your head?
If I were your father I would have a really HARD time to forgive you
this. Maybe you should leave his life so you really don't end up like
your grandmother, having to live with guilt for tolerating things that
are not tolerable in your opinion. Maybe ask HIM about an advise. And
your mom too.
Well anyway, keep your head up high Kelly. Everybody has their issues.
Like you said, life will never be the same again but never forget that
its you who live your future. You ARE a wonderful person and I don't see
any reason why you shouldn't learn from this to improve your life. Your
daddy still loves you and ALLWAYS will no matter what.
Luv,
Jules
=================
Kelly’s Response:
Wow, what can I say to something like this? What CAN say is that in a
way I feel vindicated in that I have always tried to be open minded when
it comes to other people’s lifestyles and beliefs and fantasies.
Hopefully this just goes to show that just because someone disagrees with
me I don't censor them or otherwise berate them personally. I’m not shy
to say when I disagree, but at the same time that’s MY opinion and not a
judgment of the person.
Note he wrote me back after this was posted...
*********************
From: Jules Peterson <pjules69@yahoo.com
Sent: Sun, March 7, 2010 6:04:00 PM
Subject: Re: Diary
Hi Kelly,
when I read the other responses to your revelation entry I felt like a
troll. Most people focus on you and how you must feel now, even offering
that you can talk to them anytime and such things. This is how I like to
be myself but I am no machine and I try to learn. I know you like guys
who know what they want, be strong and confident. I am not. I read
accusations and judgment where you tried to realize and analyze things.
I felt accused myself in my sexuality and wrote a letter out of that
perspective. Now I am sitting here like a boy who knows he didn't handle
things right and feels kind of embarrassed. I tried to give support too
("I know your daddy is going to heaven" etc.) but my misinterpreting you
and my harsh tone turned this mail in a direction I wish I could make
undone.
Sorry Kelly!
Jules
*********************
From: Tom Wells <t.w.wells@hotmail.com
Sent: Sun, February 28, 2010 4:10:32 AM
Hi Kelly,
I read your story on "Revelation" and learned a few things. Let's just
say, "I'm naive, too." You refer to yourself as "clueless." Well, what
I have found out in life that naive people are usually the honest,
trusting people. The kind of people that are good. I will say, I liked
you enough to research your "Mom's" death, but I learned a lot about that
spectrum. Only because, I liked you. Anyway, it was a death in a way to
the family, so that kind of a lie, on this website is acceptable.
Really, I wonder how many people reading your website think everything is
true, false, or guess, really what it is all about. For awhile, I
thought your website was to find pedophiles for the police. (It still
might be.) I'm not sure! Let's just say, I think about all your writing.
I'm an old writer too. I don't write about sex, that's way yours is so
interesting. All I want to say is that you should go talk to your Mom.
It sounds like she has been through a lot. At first, I would say, " Mom,
I just wanted to see you." Take everything easy until she tells you.
For her to make such a drastic move; she had reasons; I give her credit;
there is only so much time on this planet and she hit this level. She
has a lot of wisdom to tell you. Maybe in time. All I can say, don't
hold grudges, talk to her, if she doesn't want to talk, give it a rest,
and try another day. We are like trees! We grow up! But the older
trees have a lot of wisdom. Mother's have a role of teaching their
children. Her walking out was for you and her.
Love yah,
==============
Kelly’s Response:
Some interesting comments. Take for instance the point about his
researching my mother’s “death”. Is it any wonder I take my privacy so
seriously. I am sure many people have tried to find clues in my diary as
to my real identity which is why I am so careful about it.
*********************
From: "fishman_6101@hush.ai" <fishman_6101@hush.ai
Sent: Mon, March 1, 2010 10:34:22 PM
Kelly,
We have chatted a few times over the years and I did a few tributes. I
always love reading your site, stories, chats etc.
Your update on revelations is hard to read, knowing how much you have
done and loved over the years with your dad. It just takes my breath
away why in the world did he need to tell you that. What is the benefit
except to hurt you?
Just know this Kelly while I'm not family just a fan like many others I
care and appreciate what you have shared with me and made me so happy for
over 4-5 years at least.
Always remember that many people do care about you.
=================
Kelly’s Response:
I don’t think my dad had any intention to hurt me or he could have told
me everything long before then. Eventually it had to come out and I
guess I’m glad it did so at least I can deal with it. Wow, 4-5 years? I
wish people would write me sooner!
*********************
From: Random Tourist <randomtourist@gmail.com
Sent: Tue, March 2, 2010 2:36:51 AM
I just read your latest diary entry. Due to your admittance of previous
"lies" maybe I should take this with a grain of salt. But I understand
your position. I am going to just assume the gist of this is true and go
from there.
My thoughts are with you. You find yourself in an uncomfortable position
of having to re-evaluate your life and what you thought you knew. You
still have questions. It is not clear what type of relationship exists
with your mother. I would suggest you talk with her. Preferably with a
visit. It is never a bad time to try and rebuild your relationship with
family. You are an adult and should be able to have a calm conversation
which helps you to further understand things. I would suggest from what
I have read that she made decisions to protect you. I will not speculate
on why the final decision was made and neither should you when it is
possible to get the real answer.
The simple answer is that you were used. You realize it now and it
doesn't feel good no matter how you rationalize it. I think your
question about the age of the "others" casts light on something in the
back of your mind also. You are a teacher now. You understand how
easily young minds can be swayed and directed. What if they don't have a
parent who has the long term well-being of the child at the forefront
when making decisions? Someone like your mother.
I hope that through introspection and further answers you reach the peace
we all deserve.
I have a little saying, “When you close you eyes what do you see? What
might have been, or what's going to be?”
Be good and do the right thing.
ps
I realize we don't know each other. I am sure you have good friends to
confide in. But if you need anyone to talk to who isn't so close to
things I am here. I know you might think it inappropriate, but I am
would be willing to listen and talk on the phone also. Just putting it
out there.
=================
Kelly’s Response:
My first reaction as I read this was a little indignation at the
accusatory tone, but then it mellowed out somewhat and my blood pressure
subsided. Was I used? Of course I was but we all use other people
whether we like to admit it or not.
*********************
From: Chris Taylor <ctaylor1946@yahoo.com
Sent: Tue, March 2, 2010 12:46:29 PM
Kelly:
I was really surprised by the recent (February 14th) entry to your diary.
I had been touched by the news you put out about the death of your mother
and how you and your father coped with the situation. I know how it
feels to lose a parent. Then the news that your mother was not only
alive, but that your parents had divorced was a big shock. The further
revelation of your father's misleading need for your young body really
caught me off guard. It must have taken a great deal of courage and
trust in your readers to write that entry. You must know that there are
thousands out here who really have connected with you and are wishing you
strength to deal with your life. We are praying for you and hoping that
you will be able to deal with this new period of your life. May God
bless you and keep you, Chris
=================
Kelly’s Response:
One of the benefits of being relatively “anonymous” on my web site is
that I feel free to express my views and talk about myself in ways I
never would if the people reading it actually knew me and I had to face
them personally. It was more concern over what people would say than any
courage on my part. It is hard to comprehend sometimes that so many
people out there actually follow my web site and life!
*********************
From: wylodmayer <wylodmayer@gmail.com
Sent: Wed, March 3, 2010 6:08:17 PM
Kelly,
I've been a fan for a long time, but never before "Revelations" have I
been moved to write. I know that authors enjoy feedback, and so I do
feel somewhat bad about not expressing to you the enjoyment I've gotten
from your site over the years, but the honest truth of it is that I'm
just not usually expressive in that way. Nonetheless, I feel that the
time is right to write to you.
I'm quite certain that "Revelations," though well written, can only
communicate only a fraction of the distress you felt upon learning what
you did. That your father was not completely honest with you over the
years seems undeniable. Of course, if your other diary entries show any
of the truth of him at all, it seems likewise undeniable that he does
care about you. Still, I can only imagine how you feel having learned
that your parents' relationship with each other and, indeed, your
father's relationship with you were not what you thought.
That said, I have only the following to offer.
Don't beat yourself up too much for not seeing your father as he really
was; it's so often hard to see our parents as real people, with all the
human foibles and faults, rather than as sort of omnipresent entities of
some sort. As someone who's lost his father, I urge that as angry and
upset with him as you are right now, try to remember, too, that he does
love you.
I also hope that this experience doesn't lead you to give up on familial
incest as a way of life. I've never had that experience, but I believe
in it firmly; someday, perhaps, I will meet someone else who does, too.
Finally, I hope you don't see yourself as anything other than a supremely
desirable young woman, a woman who is not only sexy but smart and poised
and talented, as well (if your diary entries are any indication,
anyway!). Finding out that your father would rather have sex with
younger girls must be a blow, I understand, but there are as many
different preferences as there are people on this earth, and you
shouldn't ever think that you are undesirable because just one man
prefers something else. Besides, if his lines in your diary entry are
representative of his actual feelings, then I'd say that he still thinks
you're pretty hot, too, whatever else he might like.
I've read your diary and your fantasies, followed your links and just
generally acquainted myself with your life - or at least the parts of it
you show on the web - over the years. I know I don't know you, but I
feel as if I know something about your life, and what little I do know
has engendered in me no small amount of, well, fondness for you. We must
all deal with disappointment and hardship in this life, but if it is
possible that my letter can assuage your distress in even some small way,
I will feel as if I've done something worthwhile here.
Best wishes always,
LWS
==============
Kelly’s Response:
I often wonder how many people out there would like to write me but never
do for one reason or another. He is right about how it is nice to get
feedback and to hear from people as to how they react to what they read.
Sometimes I feel like nobody is reading anything or cares about me so why
am I bothering? So it was nice to hear from a “first-timer”.
Final note: So do you have anything to add to the “conversation”. Was I
wrong to lie about my mother’s “death” in lieu of admitting to my
parent’s divorce? I still think I did the right thing but maybe you
disagree with me. As I mentioned, it’s nice to get feedback so please
feel to offer your
comments and suggestions.
*********************
From: Ben <57267x@googlemail.com
Sent: Sat, March 6, 2010 10:00:23 PM
Subject: Revelations.
Dear Kelly,
I read your diary entry, Revelations, and it has haunted me for days now.
My heart goes out to you. I was about 22 when the truth came out and I
discovered that my father was a pedophile and had sexually abused my
sister for 9 years, from the time she was 5 until she was 14. I had the
"good fortune" of only being subjected to beatings and constant
psychological abuse. Back then my job was to be the model child to
support the family’s front of normalcy and provide my parents with a sop
for their conscience. I can truly understand your anger and that
terrible feeling of having a veil lifted from your eyes. All of a sudden
your entire life and childhood are cast in an entirely different and
thoroughly unwelcome light. Sometimes I felt like everything made so
much more sense, at other times my childhood seemed like something
bizarrely reflected in distorted fun-house mirrors. On a side note,
telling the truth about your father, revealing your parents’ divorce and
the lie about your mother’s death does the same thing with your entire
diary. All of a sudden everything changes. Although I value honesty,
I think that you did the right thing for you when you wrote that your
mother had died rather than telling the tale of their divorce. However,
I sincerely hope that you contact your mother again. Having been
estranged from both my parents I know how important it is to rebuild at
least some form of bridge. Yet, having said that, it also takes two to
tango. I discovered that you can only achieve so much, especially when
people (our parents and family, for example) would rather bury the truth
or bend it to suit themselves. Your mileage may vary. One thing I truly
respect is the fact that you have the integrity to say that you still
love your father. In the face of things like this, both love and
forgiveness are definitely the roads less traveled. That is something
else that I understand only too well. Too many people are too quick to
condemn and too few are willing to look deeper, understand and forgive.
It took me a long time to accept the fact that, despite everything, I
still loved my father and even went on to forgive him. It is very hard
to hate someone or something that you understand so well. My own
experiences with incest have been a lot less fun than your own. That,
combined with the way I was raised and discovering that the man I
identified so strongly with was a pedophile left me with a lot of unhappy
baggage when it came to my own sexuality, but that's a happy (not to
mention hot) tale for another time. I mention the baggage because
reading your diary and your thoughts once helped me to reflect on and
change my own approach to my sexuality. Thanks. I hope you come through
this ok. Love,
Ben.
PS: Hug also from my grateful wife: Ain't family grand?
=================
Kelly’s Response:
Well, if there is one thing I learned, even when you THINK you have a
good incestual relationship there can still be problems so it’s not
surprising when others have issues at well.
*********************
From: J P <memphisman2000@gmail.com
Sent: Sat, March 6, 2010 11:24:53 PM
Subject: Gone but back again...
Kelly...
I first off would like to apologize for my previous actions... When we
last spoke, you sent me some photos for tributes but I was unable to...
Complications of a professional nature arose, ensued, and have now been
overcome... If you still wish for these tributes, well I feel it would be
only right to send them... But only if you wish...
Anyway, first off... I'm happy that you didn't lose your mom to death as
you had previously written... I was at first puzzled at why you chose
that option vice speaking the truth... However, after reading your
"Revelations", I can understand why you did... You wanted your privacy
and while I had known when I first began this website that some of the
stuff you wrote were not accurate for several reasons (i.e. your
privacy, to speed along the story, etc.) and I digress... Bottom line is
that you can count one more fan in the "support" column...
I do have two question... I understand in advance if you choose not to
answer but I would like to understand a couple of things... Have you had
any contact with your mom following "Revelations"? I think you're mom's
feelings and thoughts may be more revealing to you and I'm curious to
hear them, vice what your dad has said about her actions on the matter...
If nothing else, remember that when all else is lost, family is all we
have left (but I think you already know that)... The second question is
if you have talked to your Aunt since? She obviously was the one that
forced this to a head...
I understand a lot of what you said in your journal entry and while I've
never tried to pass judgment on writings (since it's always been my
experience that I cannot comment on stuff I have not experienced myself),
I would like to offer a couple of thoughts:
- I don't think you were "naive"... In my humble opinion, you were
"blinded" by love... In other words, you trusted your dad and thought
what he was doing was the right way, despite not seeing his true
intentions until he laid them out... Personally, I think you are too hard
on yourself and too easy on your dad...
- I once thought your dad a lucky bastard... I think he's more of a
deceptive one now to have led you along as he did... And now that his
"control" (i.e. your mom and their marriage) is out of the picture, I'm
concerned not only for what he may do, but what may happen because of
it... I hope for your sake, you take some steps to protect yourself...
- You have questions and I personally think you have every right to find
them out for, if nothing else, your own knowledge and I hope you do...
You may not get any answers and the ones you do get may not be to your
liking, but I hope you do...
I hope I have crossed no lines and hope you do find brighter days
ahead... Keep your head up... Life may suck but that's why we grab
helmets... Take care and look forward to hearing from you...
Joe
=================
Kelly’s Response:
I answered his questions but I hope others are not thinking my dad is a
bad person. He has issues like any man does and I love him very much.
*********************
From: Sam <samrwb@yahoo.com
Sent: Sun, March 7, 2010 7:43:47 AM
Subject: Recent Story
Dear Kelly,
We've chatted a few times, its been a while since we chatted though. I'm
sorry to hear about your recent experience with your dad. Not only was
he your dad, but he was also a loving figure in your life, and it almost
has the feel of a guy/girl that you care deeply about, telling you that
you're not enough. I'm truly sorry that you experienced that. I do
forgive you by the way with telling us that your mother died, I'm glad it
didn’t actually happen, and it’s your choice what to tell us and let us
in on your life, after all it’s your journal so you don't even have to
tell us anything. I hope things are going better for you, and I hope to
chat again with you sometime soon.
Ciao bella, Sam
==============
Kelly’s Response:
Well, at least he forgave me!
*********************
From: Rebecca Shafer <poltera1978@yahoo.com
Sent: Tue, March 9, 2010 2:05:06 AM
Subject: I'm a Fan!
Dear Kelly,
My name is Rebecca, and normally I try to avoid the whole, sending emails
to people because I'm sure they get a lot of emails and don't need to
read another one. But you mentioned that you like feed back, so I
thought I'd put in my two cents. For what its worth, I hope my insight
helps you, assuming that the details I have gathered thus far are
accurate.
The wonderful part about your upbringing was that it taught you to not be
ashamed of one of the most natural things in the world. Sex, love,
affection. The whole fundamental concept (in theory) is that you love
your family, its pleasurable, its not hurting anyone as long as its
consensual, which is what I think your mother was really trying to
enforce. And if you think about it, you'll understand why and you will
thank her for it. Granted I think she should have made it clear to
EVERYONE involved that it was your decision, but that’s me.
I live with a small family of two men. I love and support the two men.
If that means that they require "pillowing," I am more than happy to
oblige. I see it as my duty. Women are the heart of the home. What
better way to say, I love you, than to give pleasure and surrender
completely to them. To say, I love you, and accept you, no matter what.
I think that’s pretty moral. I don't say this to compare my situation to
yours, only so that you can see that we are kindred spirits of sorts.
I know I'm getting long winded here so I'll try to wrap this up. I'm not
known to be succinct. Although I am known to be a HORRIBLE speller. My
point is this. You have some difficult questions to ask yourself. And I
want to really encourage you to sit down and write out some rules and
morals. Things YOU believe in. Was it right for your mother to make
sure you had a voice, a RIGHT to choose whether or not you wanted the
relationship with no pressure of Parental pleasure/displeasure ? Was it
right of her to not inform you that it was your choice and what your
father wanted?
Ultimately, only you can decide what is right and wrong. Stay strong in
your beliefs, and this too shall pass. I'd give you a hug if I could
hun.
Sincerely,
Rebecca
=================
Kelly’s Response:
One of the few female responses. I wasn’t sure how to respond to this
one. How would YOU have responded?
THE END