…From the Ashes the Phoenix Rises

By Danyealle

(FanFiction/Angst)

Chapter 4

After coming out of the well house he noticed she was sitting in the same place she had been when he first saw her.  Rather than go into the house he made his way to her.

Even though he was as quiet as a cat stalking a field mouse she knew he was there.  “That didn’t take long.”  She said quietly.

He was always amazed she could sense him when no one else could, even when he masked his aura and moved silently.  It had to be her miko powers, that was the only thing he could come up with.  Sitting down next to her he replied, “No I didn’t expect it would.”

“Hmm…” was all she said in way of a reply as she looked down at the shrine.

Honestly, the blank look on her face and the vacant look in her eyes disturbed him greatly.  He was used to a fire in her eyes and how animated she was.  Lost in his musings, he was a bit startled when she spoke again.

“It’s not all his fault you know.”  She said softly.

Looking at her, brow furrowed, he asked, “What do you mean?”

“This isn’t all Inuyashas’ fault.  Yes, what he did was wrong and I’m not sure that I can ever forgive him for it.  But you can’t lay all of it on him.  I was having problems quite a while before that happened.  So, part of the blame, well all of it really, belongs on my shoulders.  I knew I was having problems and I’m smart enough that I knew I needed to get help but didn’t.”

“Hn… Still making excuses for the half-breed I see.”  He said quietly but without the usual disdain in his voice.

Looking at him, puzzled, she asked, “How can any of what’s wrong with me be laid at his feet?”

“The half-breed, as pack leader, is responsible for his pack and not just defending them either.  If a member of the pack is sick the leader is expected to ensure they get proper care.  They are also expected to know when there is a problem with one of the members.  Because the lack you travel with is so small there is no reason that the half-breed couldn’t have known that you were having problems.  Both the slayer and the monk noticed there was something wrong.  Even I did and I’m not around all the time.  Just because your problem wasn’t physical doesn’t mean it could be ignored and, from my understanding, that’s what he did.  It was brought to his attention repeatedly that you were having issues of some kind and needed a break but he ignored it.  If my information is correct you yourself told him you needed a break and wanted to go home for a while but he refused and fought with you about it.  Though the problems existed already you can’t tell me his refusal to give you breaks when you needed them and willful blindness to it didn’t exacerbate the situation.”

Sighing, she nodded.  “It did.  Coming home was my way of relaxing and getting a handle on things.  I still had the problems but they were manageable.”  She admitted.

“Could they have remained that way if you had been allowed to do that?”

“For a while, probably.  But there’s no way of knowing for sure.”  She sighed.

“If that assumption is correct, even if it was, for say, six months, what he did made it worse more quickly rather than help improve the situation as his position dictates, correct?”

Reluctantly, she nodded.  Honestly, she hadn’t thought about it that way before.  Sighing, she looked down at the ground.  Gripping the edge of the bench in each hand, she began to idly swing her feet back and forth as she mulled things over.

Watching her out of the corner of his eye, he was pleased to see she was thinking about what he had said rather than just arguing fault with it.  He left her alone for a couple minutes before he spoke again.  “Kagome, you need to stop defending the baka half-breed and make him face what he’s done.  Though your group isn’t what is a traditional pack the dynamics are the same as any other.  No matter what the half-breed may spout he is the alpha/leader he has assumed that position willingly and it’s apparent he wouldn’t be willing to follow anyone.  In taking on that role he had to assume all the responsibilities of it as well.  You can’t have one without the other.  When you make excuses for him or shoulder all the ‘blame’ for things he holds a share of all you are doing is allowing him to think he can do what he wants with no consequences for it.  That’s a very dangerous thing for someone who has others under him that they are responsible for.  This time its’ you that suffered but what about next time?  If you keep making excuses for him and he never has to learn from his mistakes it could cost someone their life.”  He told her quietly.

He was right, she thought with a mental sigh.  Inuyasha has always had someone there to pick up the slack for him when he made an error in judgment or when he had done something he shouldn’t.  He had always been considered their leader because of his strength and fighting yet they let him get away with things because they didn’t want to deal with his temper and moods.

Before she could sink too deep into her thoughts he pressed on.  “You also need to stop blaming yourself for so much.”  He said quietly.  That pulled her out of her musings but before she could say anything he continued.  “One of the things I’ve heard repeatedly is you feel very guilty about being responsible for breaking the jewel.”

Sighing, she nodded, “Yes.  I’m the one that fired the arrow that shattered it.”  To this day she felt horrible for that mistake.  All those shards had been the cause of so much destruction and pain for innocent beings that she felt horrid for making that mistake.”

“Before it was shattered did you and Inuyasha have to deal with any youkai who were after it?”

“Yes, two of them.  Mistress Centipede, she’s the one who dragged me through the well the first time, and the carrion crow that swallowed it.”

“At the time were you strong enough to deal with them yourself?”

“No, Inuyasha dealt with them.”  Puzzled, she wondered where this was going.

“Today could you deal with them on your own if you had to?”

“Sure, they weren’t that powerful.  My arrows would do the trick.”

“If I remember correctly, from what the old miko once told me, the next one that came along was a hair demon.  Who defeated her?”

“Yeah, it was Yura of the Hair. I was the one who broke the comb that controlled her.”

“Was it was it easy to defeat her?”

“No, Inuyasha ended up badly hurt and it took me a bit to do it.”  She said honestly.

“Today that would be different as well, would it not?”

“Yes.  Either of us could probably have done it fairly easily.”

“So you both were having problems with what could easily be termed as low-level youkai.  What do you think would have happened if a being like Naraku would have come along at that point?  Even without all his shards he would have been more powerful than what you had faced.  Would the two of you combined have been able to defeat him?”

That thought sent shivers down her spine.  “No, there would have been no way we could have taken him on and had any chance of living.”

“Exactly.  Though it was your arrow that was the catalyst for the jewel shattering could it be other powers that had a hand in it as well to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands before you were strong enough to be able to properly defend it?”

Eyes widening, she looked at him.  That wasn’t something she had thought of.  If Naraku or any other being that was fairly strong had come along before the jewel shattered they would have probably been able to defeat both her and Inuyasha combined, without much trouble either.  Then who knows what would have happened?

“Your guilt makes you a moral being but you can’t control what someone else does.  Naraku, not you, is guilty of his crimes.  He made the choice to do what he had.  If he didn’t have the jewel shards to do it he would have tried something else.  Those who are that power hungry and lack honor or morals will stop at nothing to get what they want.”  He finished, gazing at her.

“Wow!”  She said, breathlessly, stunned.  “I never thought of it that way before.  You would have been a great philosopher!”

Knowing a compliment when he heard one, he smirked.  “Indeed.” Was all he said on the topic.  “Now, I believe you have things to do to get ready to leave in the morning, do you not?”  He asked, eyebrow arched.

With a deep sigh, she nodded

~~~~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~~~~

For the most part it was a normal, uneventful night.  Kagome and her mother spent most of the time making sure she was ready to leave the following day.  That ugly, yellow pack of hers was emptied out and repacked with all she would need.  Her mother had gone to the store to pick up things that were needed.  Kagome had quietly refused to take any ramen along so there was room for other kinds of food including fruits and vegetables he had never seen before along with some powered drinks.

While Kagome was taking a bath her mother sat down with him and went over information on her medicine then she gave him a small pocket calendar where were marked appointments and when her tests were.  He found that most helpful and easy to keep track of.  It also had all the information he needed on her medicine.  The older Higurashi woman had also written out things to watch out for and how to deal with one of her anxiety attacks.  Although, from the information she had given him, he understood what they were and the basics of how to deal with them, he found out he would have to figure out what worked for him in dealing with them, there was no basic scenarios that worked for everyone.  He didn’t understand that part until later that night.  While watching a movie, out of the blue, he was awash with her almost overwhelming feelings of fear, panic and anxiety.  He watched as her mother gave her a paper bag and had her breathe into it then hugged and talked to her quietly, reassuring her.  Though he understood these attacks weren’t dangerous, the worst that would happen would be she would pass out while she was hyperventilating; the comforting was more to help her.  Since he wasn’t good with emotional stuff or comforting he was wondering how he would deal with them when it happened.

However, just before bedtime, another thing that was going to be addressed happened.  There was one pill she had to take before bedtime and he found out why it was at that time.  From the way she looked you could tell when it began to take effect.  A vacant, dazed, euphoric look he associated with opium smokers was evident and she was slurring her words like she had been drinking.  Within an hour she was out cold.  Nor was this a normal sleep.  It was a deep, drugged sleep that would be difficult to wake her from.  If left unattended when they were traveling she wouldn’t wake if there were danger.  Of course he immediately decided she would sleep next to him.  Beyond that he would work out a watch schedule with Kouga and his ‘men’ so they didn’t just rely on their instincts to wake them.

In the morning he realized it was that medicine that had given her the look that had so worried him.  Even in the morning she was still groggy and slow to respond so he made a mental note that they would have to keep a closer eye on her and go a bit slower until the effects waned.  In fact, they didn’t leave until noon because of that; it wasn’t until then that the effects started to wane.

After saying goodbye to her family and he reiterated that he would take good care of her, she hoisted her familiar ugly pack and a new, smaller one for what she called her ‘laptop’ onto her back then they hopped into the well.  That familiar blue light engulfed them and they were transported back to the feudal era.