It Is What It Is

By Danyealle

(MF/angst/fanfiction)

Chapter 2

Consequences

Opening his eyes, Sesshomaru scanned the campsite and area around it like he usually did. When his eyes landed on Jaken he could see the kappa’s’ wide-eyed look and a twinge of fear on his face. Giving a mental sigh, he once again tried to reign in his aura and project some calm but was fairly certain that he wasn’t going to be able to. He’d been trying to do that for the last few hours with no success. Glancing over at Rin he was pleased to see it wasn’t affecting her. She was curled up in that ‘sleeping bag’ thing Kagome had given her by Ah-Un, sound asleep.

Shutting his eyes, he gave a mental sigh then went back to listening to the rant his beast was on. It seemed that the words of the day were moron and jackass because they were being lobbed at him once every five minutes.

About 15 minutes later he was once again pulled away from his beast’s tantrum, well it was more like a tirade that was disparaging his honor, character, and intelligence, by a squeak of free from Jaken. He didn’t have to look around to know the cause of it, he was the reason. As hard as Sesshomaru had tried there really wasn’t much he could do about it either.

This had been going on for the last three months but for the last month or so it had steadily grown worse with each passing day.

Standing up, he scanned around the area to the limit of his senses to make sure there was no danger before looking at his retainer. “In the morning take Rin to the fortress. I’ll join you in a few days.”

Bowing, Jaken looked relieved. “Yes Milord! As you wish.”

Nodding, the taiyoukai then left the campsite to find somewhere quiet. This whole nightmare had to end because it was driving him nuts!

By this point the ‘affair’ with Kagome had been going on for well over a year. Being honest with himself, Sesshomaru would admit that he only expected it to happen a couple times before the lure and attraction fettered out. It hadn’t. At first, they only met up a couple times a month then every couple weeks. Now…well…he had been all but shadowing his half-brothers pack so they could meet up every few days.

Finding a secluded clearing, he seated himself on the ground and leaned back against a large boulder. After scanning for danger, he relaxed a bit and settled back. He had to put an end to this mess before he did something that he would probably regret for the rest of his long life.

At about the six month mark of the affair he would admit that some things had changed.  It was really the first time he had considered taking her away from the whelp and setting her up at the fortress as his mistress. That idea brought on his beast’s first temper tantrum. At the time he had thought that it was the concept of having a human mistress was the problem.  Quickly, Sesshomaru learned otherwise. 

A couple months later as he was seriously considering and starting to make plans for her to become his mistress, his beast when on what could only be termed a tirade, calling him every foul name it could come up with, including a few he hadn’t heard before. Honestly, he had been bewildered by it, not knowing what the hell was going on. The taiyoukai had been stunned to learn the problem was the concept of her being his mistress. It didn’t want her as that; it wanted her as a mate. That’s when he started snarling back. For a full month they had snarled at each other about that. There was no way on Kami’s green earth that he would to fall into the same path his father had. Yes, Sesshomaru had been well aware of just how vicious his beast could be but that had been the first time it had turned against him. Although it was a verbal trouncing and not a physical viciousness by the time it was finished with him he had felt as though he had been dissected and chopped up. It was also clear that if he did set her up in that capacity his beast would mark Kagome the first chance it got. If he let things go on as they were his beast could actually handle it, for a while anyway.

A couple months later, however, things had deteriorated even more when it came to his beast.  It was howling loudly for him to at least consider taking her as a mate and had triggered a week long argument between them. It had also been the first time he had to send Rin and Jaken to the fortress because of himself. It most certainly  had been an unpleasant time for him. However, in the end Sesshomaru caved in and admitted what he felt deep down inside, what he had hidden even from himself because it had almost frightened him; he did want the little priestess as a mate. That admission should have improved his internal relations. It didn’t.

Yes, he would admit that his confession made him feel better and more at ease but the problem didn’t come from that but something else, something all but unknown when it came to him; insecurity. From the first time both of them had made it clear that the relationship was about nothing more than sex. Yes, he would admit that on some level there was a kind of friendship between them though it was a bit odd and warped. But even before the sex that had been there. Once sex had become involved in the equation it might have strengthened that friendship a bit but overall it really hadn’t changed much between them. Beyond that there wasn’t anything. Now he was admitting that he wanted her as a mate and not because of the sex, even though he would admit that it was better than he had ever had with anyone else, or because of her powers but because there were feelings there for her. It was those feelings and her that had given birth to insecurities and an increase in tirades and tantrums from his beast.

Honestly, Sesshomaru had expected a bit of a reprieve from his beast because of the unfamiliar feelings but it didn’t happen. It blamed him for them and was very vocal about that particular accusation. Snarling, he had tried to argue about that, point out that it was her that had been the one that wanted to be sure it was just about sex. That’s what triggered all his doubts. His beast’s response to that logic? It had snorted and told him he was an idiot. Before he could do any more than snarl it had pressed on. It pointed out what he was like, how cold and unemotional he was. That at first it was just about sex but as it had progressed she hadn’t said that again but even if Kagome had wanted more she probably wouldn’t reveal it because of the way he acted. Why would she reveal that? From what she knew of him he would either walk away or use the knowledge to manipulate her to whatever means he wanted. Though Sesshomaru had argued that he would never do that to her, she was exempt from that kind of behavior like Rin was, his beast pointed out that she had no way of knowing it because he hadn’t let her know nor had is actions reflected that in any way.

That particular jab, however, did have an affect on him. Sesshomaru could see the logic in it and that it was true so he changed his behavior around her a bit, trying to show her a bit of his ‘soft side’ and to let her know through his actions that he felt differently about her than he did about most beings but it hadn’t worked out that way. 

In fact, from what he could tell, the effect had been one that he hadn’t thought possible.  Yes, Kagome had changed but not for the better. Rather than draw her closer to him she had seemed to become more distant. No, she made no kind of indication that she wanted to end their relationship but other than when they were engaged in the act itself she was very quiet and withdrawn. He had also noticed that she wouldn’t look him in the eyes any more. Hell, she didn’t look at him much at all anymore. Even more disturbing was that there were a few times he could have sworn that he had smelled her tears when she had headed back to where her pack was. Both him and his beast had been upset and disturbed by that, neither being about to figure out what may have triggered the waterworks. After each of those times she had stayed away longer than she normally did even though he had been close and made sure she had known he was around. When she did return to him he had tried to treat her more gently and let her know through his actions that he had missed her. But when he did that she seemed to withdraw from him even further. It was that withdrawing that had prompted this latest problem with his beast.

As it had with the other problems that had shown themselves it blamed him for this latest one as well. Although Sesshomaru had tried to show her he had feelings for her he hadn’t actually told her. So what was she suppose to think? The poor girl was probably confused as well and probably a bit frightened. Then some serious temper tantrums had begun along with the very nasty insults and accusations. It was his beast’s assessment that he was probably driving her into that hated half-breed’s arms to find what she wanted and needed. It was then that it had first produced a vision that would lead to this current situation; a vision of Kagome and Inuyasha having sex complete with audio of not only the sounds of sex but the two telling each other “I love you.” That had almost sent him off the deep end into a red rage. It was followed by a barrage of names that had questioned everything from his intellect to his sexual abilities.

As time went on until they reached this point the insults had become worse and the vision his beast seemed to take a sadistic pleasure in showing him had become much more vivid and explicit. It was a half an hour vividly pornographic vision of her and the half-breed that had caused the inflamed aura and frightened Jaken.

Sighing, Sesshomaru dropped his head into his hands. That vision was making him insane! The thought of Inuyasha having what he considered to be his was something that almost pushed him over the edge. Knowing it had the upper hand, his beast went on another tirade, telling him to do something to prevent it. That sitting around and doing nothing would allow that mangy hanyou to end up with the woman they both wanted. If Inuyasha did get her it would be his fault! It added that it was time he acted like he had some balls and actually tell her what he wanted so she knew rather than be ambiguous about it.

Snarling, Sesshomaru made sure his beast was well aware of his dislike for that particular suggestion. Sneering, his beast shot right back at him that he was being a weakling and a cowardly jackass.  It pointed out that he had no fear of battle no matter how many or big the opponent was.  Also despite having no fear of a physical injury, he appeared to be a wimpy moron when it came to the emotional side of things or opening himself up to being hurt in that way. 

Growling long and low to voice his displeasure at that statement, Sesshomaru didn’t get a chance to reply.  His beast continued on as though it hadn’t been interrupted.  Once again it proffered up the images of Inuyasha on top of Kagome, taking her, calling her his bitch.  This time the vision ended with Inuyasha looking at him, smirking.  After flipping him off the hanyou said, “She’s mine, asshole!  You lost!”

Letting out a howl of anger, Sesshomaru was on his feet immediately.  That vision was all he could take.  There was no way the boy was worthy of Kagome’s affections!  He wasn’t about to stand by and let the boy take the only woman he had ever had feelings for.  No way in hell!  She was his whether she knew or not but he would damn well guarantee that the half-breed was about to find that out.  If the whelp chose to argue that point it could very well end up with him being on the receiving end of one of the most painful lessons he had ever experienced. 

With one last loud snarl, he took off the direction he knew the pack was camped for the night.  No, he had no real plan as to how he was going to go about dealing with the situation but he didn’t let that stop him.  He just figured he would come up with something as the events played themselves out.  Letting the situation dictate his actions was probably the best way to go about things Sesshomaru assured himself.

Moving with stealth, grace, and silence, the taiyoukai picked up speed, convinced that if he didn’t hurry Kagome could end up lost to him forever.