It Is What It Is

By Danyealle

(MF/angst/fanfiction)

Chapter 4

Worry

Since the miko had crawled into her sleeping bag, professing exhaustion, Inuyasha had kept an eye on her, worried.  Oh it was fairly obvious to everyone that looked at her that she was indeed exhausted, the dark circles under her eyes and drawn features readily spoke of lack of sleep but he was sure there was more to it than just a need for sleep.  While sitting by the fire talking with Miroku and Sango he had kept an eye on her and his senses told him despite her obvious need for rest she was awake for quite a while, her aura twisted with anxiety and sadness.  Then he began to smell her tears.  Ears flattening against his head, he felt his guts tighten a bit. 

It had been obvious to all that were close to her that something was very wrong with Kagome.  No one knew what it was though.  He was pretty sure that everyone who considered her a friend had asked her multiple times but as far as he knew they all got the same answer, she was fine.  It was blatantly obvious to all she was far from ‘fine’.  The smell of her tears, those seemed to be an every other night thing anymore, agitated him to no end.  Since they had met her tears always threw him into a panicked stated because he didn’t know what to do or how to deal with them.  These were even worse.  Unlike most other time he didn’t have a clue what was causing them.  It was also obvious that she wanted left alone because she made sure she was alone when they started.  His first instinct was to try to fix the problem or feel with it, usually in a violent means.  This time he couldn’t because she denied there was a problem to begin with.  Whenever he would ask what was wrong she would tell him she was fine, not to worry.  That was enough to make him worry all the more.  Well, by this point, he had moved beyond worried and skipped into the outer orbit of scared.  In the whole time he had known her she had never acted like this.  Sure she would get mad or upset but she usually didn’t hide it.  If she didn’t want anyone to see or was really upset she would go home.  This was different than anything in the past.  No one seemed to know what the problem might be.  Usually those that traveled with her could figure out what the problem was but this time they were all clueless.  Never before had he felt so helpless when it came to her.  He couldn’t fix things if he didn’t know what he had to fix!

Finally her aura calmed down and he could tell she had fallen asleep.  Sighing, he relaxed a bit.

Getting the hanyous attention when he saw him relax, Miroku mouthed, “Is she asleep?”

Sighing, Inuyasha nodded, “Yeah, finally.”

Glancing over her shoulder at the miko’s sleeping form; Sango then looked at both males.  “This is getting worse!  Do either of you know what the problem is?”  She asked, obviously worried.

Sighing, Miroku shook his head.  “I have no idea.  In fact I was about to ask you that.  She’s closer to you.” 

Sighing, Sango shook her head.  I’ve tried talking to her but all I get is a false, cheery ‘I’m fine’ and not to worry.”

Nodding, Miroku’s shoulders slumped.  “That’s all I get as well.”  Looking at Inuyasha, he continued on, “Honestly, I think that she needs a break and to go home for a few days.  Usually after she’s had a break she’s fine.  If nothing else maybe talking to her mother will help.  She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want to talk to us about whatever is bothering her so maybe she’ll talk to her mother.”

As much as he hated it when Kagome left them this time he wouldn’t argue because Miroku was right.  He was sure that whatever the problem was she would be able to talk about it with her mother or the friends she went to school with.  “Good idea monk.  We’ll head for Edo in the morning.”  But there was one problem with that plan that poked its head up.  Somewhere inside of him his insecurities began to squirm around and the thought that maybe she wouldn’t come back this time made its self known.  Yes, he had that thought every time she went home but this time that voice of insecurity was a lot louder than normal and seemed to have a touch of panic in it.  It pointed out that over the last few months she had drifted way from him quite a bit.  Yes, he had tried to ‘win her back’ but it really hadn’t worked well.  In fact, despite all the effort he had put into it, it really hadn’t worked at all.  She kept drifting away further.  No, she didn’t out and out say anything to indicate that whatever it was that they had was ending but it seemed that way to him from her actions, such as she didn’t want to spend time alone with him like she used to nor did she touch him the way she had in the past.  When that insecure voice said anything about her going home it had more than a touch of hysteria to it.  That hysteria seemed to be contagious because he could feel his guts twist and a bit of a chill snake down his spine.

Tuning out whatever it was Miroku and Sango were saying, he delved a bit deeper inwards, not liking the things he was thinking about.  Glancing over at the sleeping miko he felt his guts tighten more.  Kami!  He didn’t want to lose her!  Yet that seemed to be what was happening and he seemed powerless to stop it.  How could you stop something when you didn’t know why it was happening?  Nor could he get anything from her that would explain it.  At this point he had used everything that had worked in the past but it hadn’t had the desired effect.  Actually, she just kept drifting away, making him panic.  Then he had tried anything he could think of no matter how elaborate.  Again, she had put on a false happy face and thanked him but it didn’t work and she continued to drift further away.  At this point he really didn’t know what to do or what his next step should be. 

Yes, at certain times in the past that he thought he was loosing her.  Those times he had at least known the reasons why and could worth with things.  This time he was clueless as to the cause.  As far as he knew he hadn’t done anything nor had anyone else to try and drive a wedge between them.  This time it seemed to come from out of the blue.  It also seemed to coincide with the start of the depression, that is the only name he could think of that described what was going on with her., she was in.  Honestly, he knew he could be a dumb fuck and was quite capable of screwing up a wet dream but this time he couldn’t think of anything he had done to cause her to pull away from him.  The only thing he could come up with was something that hentai monk had said long ago; that he was going to have to decide what place Kagome held in his life and let her know because she wasn’t going to wait for him forever.  It had been five years since she had freed him from the tree.  Since then she had been by his side waiting for him.  Although she had gone on a few dates with that Hojo guy in her time she was always by his side, waiting for him.  Had she finally decided she had waited long enough and was moving on?  Could that be the reason for the depression, she had decided she wasn’t going to wait for him anymore?  That was something that upset him because it really wasn’t something he could blame on her.  She had been by his side since the beginning and had waited for him patiently.  Also, she had put up with all kinds of shit from him, like the crap with Kikyo, but was still there for him.  Had he waited too long?  Were his attempts to bring her back too little, too late?  He really didn’t have the answers for those questions and even asking them made him nervous and a heavy knot from in the pit of his stomach.

There was another question that was raised as well, one he didn’t want to think about.  Every time it had popped into his head over the last few months he had shoved it aside and buried it deep because he didn’t want to know the answer.  Was there someone else?  Even the thought of that made him feel sick to his stomach.  Yes, a small part would be angry but could he really be angry with her?   The worst part was, from his point of view, he really couldn’t blame her if that was the case.  Though everyone considered them to be a couple the most they had done is held hands and kissed once.  That kiss had been to pull him back from his demonic side.  It hadn’t been repeated since then.  As he well knew she was affectionate but he had never returned it.  Despite how much it would hurt he really couldn’t blame her if she had gone elsewhere for it.  But, on the other hand, if it was all just his own angst and it was something else he vowed he would change, that it was time that he ponied up and showed her what she meant to him.  He was just hoping against hope that he wasn’t a day late and a yen short.

Pulling himself back from his musings when Sango asked about a couple things they had run across earlier in the day, he focused on the conversation again.  They talked for a bit longer then both humans prepared to call it a night.  As they were bedding down he did a quick check around to make sure everyone was fine.  Kagome was out cold, snoring softly.  Shippo was curled up to the fully transformed Kirara.  Sango was laying out her bedroll by those two and Miroku was going to kip down several feet away.

Satisfied that everything was fine, Inuyasha leaped into a tree that would give him the best view of the camp.  Settling down on a big branch, he got himself into a comfortable position then shut his eyes. 

Just as he was starting to doze off something jerked him awake.  On full alert, he tried to place what had tickled his senses.  Concentrating, he couldn’t find anything.  Just as he was about to dismiss it and settle back down it happened again.  Hopping down from the tree, wide awake, he tried to determine what it was.  He could dismiss getting that feeling once as his imagination but not twice.  It was just a light tickle that felt vaguely familiar but he wasn’t able to place it.  It sure as hell was setting off warning bells in his head though!  Pulling tetsusaiga, he shouted for everyone to wake up then went back to trying to figure out what in the seven hells was coming their way because from the feeling that ‘tickle’ had given him he knew it wasn’t a being that would be considered one of their ‘friends’.  In fact he was getting a very foreboding feeling about this.  He wasn’t sure why but his instinct told him something was very wrong.

Glancing around, he saw that the rest of his pack was on their feet, preparing for what may be coming.  Kagome was a bit groggy still, she had been the only one who had been sound asleep, was on her feet trying to locate her bow and arrows.  Pleased to see everyone ready he went back to scanning around to try to figure out what was coming.  Once again that tickle danced against the back of his neck, but stronger this time.  A cold chill trickled down his spine and his eyes widened.  Spinning around to face where Kagome was standing, he snarled, “Sesshomaru!”  But that was all he was able to spit out.

Instantly, he knew why he hadn’t been able to quickly be able to place the familiar aura.  It was the norm for the demon lord to be controlled and fully in charge of himself.  This time the taiyoukais’ aura wasn’t reflecting its cool, calm demeanor, it was mixed with that of his beast.  He had never witnessed Sesshomaru loose control like this so it had been hard to place it.

Before he could say anything else, the taiyoukai appeared out of the trees behind Kagome like some ghostly apparition.  Snarling, eyes red and fangs bared, he glared at Inuyasha and the others in the pack.  Before they could move or Kagome could spin around he snatched the miko up.  Holding her to his chest, his ball of light formed around them and it lifted them off the ground then streaked away.