Kryptonite

By Danyealle

(fanfiction/MF/HC/Abuse)

Chapter 21

Glancing at the kitchen clock Kagome sighed deeply then began to hurry up her packing.  She had given Sesshomaru a fairly specific time that she would be back and she didn’t want to make him wait. 

Putting stuff in her pack, she ran through her mind a mental checklist of what she had to take with her to ensure that she didn’t forget anything. 

Sitting at the table with a cup of tea in her hands, looking at her with a worried expression on her face was her mother.  Sighing, Kagome concentrated on her packing and couldn’t look at the older woman.

…ks…ks…ks…ks…

From her perspective the last month had been a living nightmare.  No, not all of it was bad, in fact some of it ha been really good, but the whole bit with Inuyasha had been horrid.

Realistically, she had known, and had told Sesshomaru, that he wouldn’t give her up easily.  Though she had known that’s what was going to happen she had hoped that she was wrong on the subject.  But the way he had gone about it had suspired and scared the living hell out of her.

Not knowing or being able to sense where he was had been out and out unnerving for her.  That had deteriorated into terror after his abrupt appearances.  It had gotten worse when everything they tried to stop it had failed.  She was sure that, yes, it was done to try to convince her to go back to him and that he did love her.  But, secretly, she was sure he was also doing this to inspire as much fear in her as he could to punish her for leaving him.  It had worked too, she was completely petrified.  After a while she had been so scared that she was afraid to go to sleep at night for fear of waking up and seeing him in front of her again.  She was absolutely positive that was part of his psychological warm on her.  It was designed to tell her that she was going to come back to him one way or another. 

Quite frankly, she had been tempted to go back to him just to end the terror but she didn’t.  Nor did she mention that to anyone, afraid of what they would say if she had.  Yes, she was well aware of what may happen to her if she did that but the way she was feeling it may well be the lesser of the two evils.  Eventually she was able to contain and bury that particular idea but what had replaced it really scared her even more: the idea of suicide.

That thought had scared her on many levels but mostly because it seemed like a real, viable, logical option to end the nightmare.  Even more frightening was she could justify the reasons for doing it when it came to both her and her friends.  The way she had seen it was that when it came to her she would be sparing herself a great deal of pain and torture that she was absolutely positive was coming in the near future.  When it came to her friends she knew her death would hurt them but she assured herself that the grief they felt would fade then they would be better off without her around because there would be less problems and less danger.  It wasn’t until late one night when she was running all the ‘reasons’ that it was a good idea through her mind that she stopped, completely horrified by what she was thinking about.  It was then she knew just how bad the situation she was in was.  Those thoughts horrified and scared her.  She knew that seriously considering what she was told of problems she was having beyond the fear of what Inuyasha would do.  Yes, the whole thing probably triggered those problems but this spoke of just how serious they were beyond what was on the surface.  That chilled her.  But she also vowed to herself that she would never tell anyone about the suicidal thoughts, ever.  And that she would actively work to rid herself of them. 

But along with the bad there were areas of good as well.  Once away from the fortress she had to admit that she had liked staying there and the luxury it provided.  She would also admit that dealing with court and some of the matters to do with it was fairly easy.  Though she hadn’t known them that long, the friends she had made there she liked as well.  In fact, she had kept up a correspondence with them, using Daoe of course, while they traveled.  Their scrolls kept her amused to no end when they talked about things that went on among those that were at court.  Often time she shared the amusing ones with Sesshomaru, who seemed to enjoy them as well.

Daoe was another of this bright spots.  She absolutely adored the bird!  He was friendly, playful and seemed to care about her in the way some animals cared about their owners.  Not to mention that it had taken next to nothing to train him and he was great at obeying and following orders.  Alone with that he seemed to know when she was upset or stressed out and would stick with her and comfort her in his own way.  She would admit that when he perched on her and she just petted him it was soothing.  At times she would forget that he was a demon and thought of him as just a regular bird but would remember each time she saw the sharp teeth in his beak. 

Then there was Kouga… Alright, she would freely admit she had always liked the ookami, just not in a romantic way how he had wanted.  Secretly, his personality and his over the top actions had cracked her up.  For a long time she had thought that his bold, audacious declarations of love for her had been nothing more than another way to tweak and drive Inuyasha nuts.  After they had started traveling together he had sheepishly admitted that, indeed, was the case an why he had continued to do it even after she was mated to him.  Though what he had done had caused her problems personally with the hanyou there was no way she could be mad at Kouga over it.  Even now, when she was a bit depressed or in a bad mood when he started goofing around or joking with her she always felt a bit better.  No, she didn’t or never had seen him as a potential mate but she did view him as a goofy, weird older brother that she adored.  When she had told him that, he hadn’t seemed to be bothered by it.  In fact it seemed to be a role in her life he was more than willing to assume.  She was very comfortable with that.

Of course Sango and Miroku were always a bright spot. Big brother and sister, as she had seen them for so long, were rocks in her life that she could always lean and count on just like they always had been.  But, maybe, more so this time than they had been in the past.  Yes, because of what had happened, she had been treated with kid gloves for a while and they had been a bit more vigilant than they usually were but for the most part they were the same family they had always been since the joined up with the pack.

Then there was Sesshomaru…  Who would have thought that Lord Super Scary Supreme would be a bright spot in her life?  But he was.  Yes, he was her white knight, though he had fur not armor, which had come to her rescue and had become her own personal guard dog.  Not to mention someone she trusted more than she did almost everyone else in the world.  Yes, that had been there before, to an extent because of their friendship, but now when she was doubting that trust in so many others it was there for him.

She would willingly admit that she was apprehensive about the mating but now it was less than it used to be.  Though there was a lot of reasons for that but there was one event, well a duel, related even, that had done more than the others to help that and she knew he probably didn’t realize it when it had happened:  when she was fertile and then when she had started her period.  It had been real obvious to her that he had been very affected by both events.  It had seemed that she couldn’t get within a couple meters of him without him popping a woody.  There were even times he was affected enough that there had been a bit of red among the gold in his eyes that told how much it was appealing to his bestial nature yet he had kept himself under control even when he held her.  During those times with Inuyasha he was like a slobbering beast and all over her.  Yet here was a full youkai with a more bestial nature than the hanyou yet he wouldn’t let it affect her in any way.  She had been impressed!  And it had gone a long way to helping her trust in him more.

That was just one of the things, there were others as well.  The way he treated her and how he had done everything in his power to protect her had helped as well.  But there was a whole other issues involved at this point as well.

For as long as she could remember she really had only ever been attracted to one ‘man’, Inuyasha.  No other had ever tickled her fancy in any real way.  Yes, like most females, there were ones here and there she would appreciate in a base, purely physical way because of their looks, but it never went beyond that.  However, now she would admit there was an attraction to the fearsome taiyoukai.  Of course, there always had been an appreciation of his almost angelic good looks but now it had nothing to do with that at all.  This time it was because of other things.  She knew when he started holding and being affectionate with her that it had been against his nature and probably had been more than a tad uncomfortable for him but when he did it there was something in the way he did it that made her feel wanted.  Maybe now it was because he had become so easy about it and how he now imitated it quite a bit. Yes, curled up to his big chest with those strong arms wrapped around her made her feel safe and protected but now it was apparent that he liked the act and that made her feel special and wanted.

Then there was what happened when he kissed her… Much to the chagrin of her friends in her time the only being of the opposite sex she had ever kissed had been Inuyasha.  Yes, she had liked them and the flash-fire passion they had inspired but she found out that she liked Sesshomaru’s more.  The one he had given her before she had jumped through the well had inspired a reaction she hadn’t thought possible.  She had always heard about kisses causing fireworks but had thought that was an imagery made up for romance novels but that’s exactly what that kiss had set off along with making her forget how to breath then her knees feeling like they had turned to water. No, it hadn’t been one that was full of all-consuming passion but like the others they had shared yet the reaction had been so intense!  That was so telling to her.

But there was also a downside to that growing trust and attraction.  Because of the way she had been raised she had always had a well defined set of morals and ethics that she had held herself to.  Because the mating bond with Inuyasha was still there and his mark visible she felt like she was cheating on the hanyou with his brother causing her to deal with more than a little bit of guilt.  Yes, she understood that this was probably the equivalent of a legal separation but she couldn’t shake that feeling.  It was very confusing for her.  Sesshomaru treated her so well and admitted he had feelings for her yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was betraying the being that had hurt and treated her so badly.  To her, it wasn’t at all fair but she couldn’t help it.  She just hoped that as time went on that it would fade and wouldn’t affect what was growing between her and the taiyoukai.  That wouldn’t be fair to either of them. 

…ks…ks…ks…ks…

Though she had wanted to go home to take a break from what was going on in the feudal era but there had been a bit of dread about it as well.  She really hadn’t wanted to explain to her family, who absolutely adored Inuyasha, what had happened or even the simple fact that they were no longer together and she was in the care of his hated, violent half-brother.  Then the fact that she needed protection from the hanyou and why that was.  She wasn’t sure what kind of reaction they would have to any of it.  Plus she was out and out embarrassed that she had been so fooled for so long by him.  Then there was the fact that she had been so weak that she couldn’t stop it and needed help to get away.  She had made such a mess of her life because of her bad judgment!  Kami, that was humiliating to admit!  Then there was the fact that she really didn’t want to worry them any more than they already did about her because of what she was doing. 

Initially, yes, she had been able to avoid the whole topic in the usual flurry of activity that was normal when she came home then, because of the barrage of questions, had been able to skip or gloss over any question dealing with the hanyou.  But, eventually, someone did find out what was really going on: her grandfather.

After Souta had left for school and her mom for work she had slipped back out to the well house and put the sutra’s Miroku and Kaede had given her to prevent Inuyasha from being able to use it.  While she had been doing that her grandfather had come in.  Being a priest he knew what they were and what they were used for.

Having her sit on the stairs with him, he slipped his arm around her.  “Kagome… Tell me what’s going on.  It’s obvious, even to me, there’s a problem.  You know your secrets are safe with me just like they always have been.”  He had told her.

Since the time she was a small child, Grandpa had always been her secret confidant about everything and her secrets had been safe with him.  Though, for as long as she could remember, he had been several fries short of a WacDonald’s combo meal, it was him she had been close to.  Nor could she hide or keep things from him.  He was so easy to talk to and non-judgmental that she always ended up spilling everything to him.  Which is exactly what had happened this time as well.  Though she didn’t give details she told him everything that was going on.  In the end she ended up with her head in his alp, sobbing, with him gently stroking her hair like he always had done when she was upset.

Yes, he had been upset by what had been done to her, more than about anything that she had ever seen in her life, but he was also feeling betrayed by the hanyou too.  Like everyone else in the family he had really liked and trusted him.

But, despite what so many thought of the old priest-including herself at times, he had once more risen to the occasion and had given her a great deal of help.  First, he had managed to get her up with an emergency counseling session with the local domestic violence center then had taken her their personally and sat with her through the whole thing.  They had set her up with a doctor’s appointment and given her all kinds of literature on stalking and the after effects of domestic violence.  The psychiatrist they had sent her to had given her a prescription for drugs for anxiety and depression as well as sleeping pills after a long talk with her.  Then had referred her to a councilor that specialized in that area. 

Once they got home the two of them sat in the old storehouse and went through piles of old scrolls to look for something that could help them with Inuyasha.  They found several that were promising as well as two jade bracelets that would allow the wearers to, by stroking the beads in a certain way, let the other person known they needed help.

By the time her mom and Souta had come home that afternoon she did feel better and was in a much better mood.  After dinner she and he rest of the family went shopping for the supplies she needed to pick up. That night she had the best night’s sleep she had since she had left the fortress.  Because she knew there was no way for Inuyasha to get to her she was able to completely relax and sleep well.  In fact, she slept so long and deeply that when she woke up the next morning her mom and Souta had already left. 

Because she and her friends had graduated she no longer had to focus on what she used to.  But she also no longer was able to spend time with her friends either, the downside to it.  They had all gone on to various colleges and universities so they weren’t around.  Though she missed them that freed her up to take care of other things.  When she had graduated from high school she was able to get access to the small inheritance her dad had left her.  Because she spent most of her time in the feudal era she really didn’t need much money.  Mostly, she used it to buy gifts for her friends and other kinds of supplies.  She ended up spending the day looking for gifts for everyone as well as going to the doctor to see about getting the birth control pills she had mentioned.

Actually, she really enjoyed her time alone wandering from store to store.  For the first time in quite a while she could do whatever she felt like without having to look over her shoulder or worry if she was being watched or followed.  By the time she got home late in the afternoon, laden down with packages of all kinds, she felt like her old self once more.

That night, while she was organizing everything for the next day, her mother sat with her in the kitchen.  As she worked they talked a bit about nothing much really but as it grew later the older woman brought up the topic that had apparently been bothering her. 

“Kagome dear?  You know you can talk to me about anything right?”

“Yes mom.”  She had replied with a smile.

“Then please tell me what’s going on!  It’s obvious there’s something wrong and that something’s troubling you.”

She had expected this from the way the older woman had been acting.  Stopping what she was doing, she looked at her, not really sure what to say.  Finally, she just shook her head.  “It’s nothing you need to worry about mom.  It’s just a lot of stuff happening on the other side of the well is all.”

Sighing, the older woman dropped her eyes and shook her head.  “I worry about you Kagome, you know that.  I’m here if you ever need to talk, you know that.  You can tell me anything at all.  Remember that!”

At the time she knew that her mom knew there was a serious problem of some kind but she didn’t want to talk to her about it at the time is all.  There would come a time when she would it just wasn’t at that point. 

…ks…ks…ks…ks…

Once she was sure that everything was packed she took the bags out to the well house.  Because she was alone she quickly removed the sutras then stuffed them in her pocket.  Back in the house she gave everyone her usual hug and kiss goodbye but couldn’t help feeling a bit guilty over the look of worry on her mother’s face. 

Professing he needed to get down to the shrine, her grandpa walked her out to the well house.  “You take extra care Kagome and be on your toes.”  He warned gently.

“I will grandpa, don’t worry.” She assured him, giving him a tight hug.  Then, with a wave, she disappeared into the old well house.

Gathering up all the bags and her bulging at the seam pack she gazed down into the dark depths of the well that was the passage to the other half of her duel life.  Okay, she would admit that already fear and trepidation over going back to the nightmare was starting to grip her.  Yes, she knew they weren’t going to go straight back to traveling but that and just what Inuyasha may well pull this time crowded to the forefront of her mind.  Sighing, she shook her head and forced herself to think about something else.

Steeling herself, she sat down on the lip of the well then jumped off.  Once again the blue light of the time rift engulfed her and she felt the freefall that transported her to the other side.

Once her feel hit terra firma in the feudal era she looked up and smiled a bit.  There, sitting cross-legged on the lip of the well was the stoic taiyoukai.  Though his usual blank expression was firmly in place there was a bit of a twinkle in his eyes that told her he was happy to see her.  Daoe was on his shoulder dancing around and chirping non-stop. When the bird saw her he immediately swooped down and lit on her shoulder, squawking happily. After giving him a pat on the head and handing him a cookie that she had put in her pocket for just this reason she waved up at the taiyoukai.  “Could you give me a hand with these bags please?”  She asked him.

“Of course,” he replied then hopped down into the well.  Ignoring the bags, he slipped an arm around her waist and carefully pulled her to his chest.  Inclining his head, he gave her a soft kiss.  Holding her close, he asked, “I assume everything went well and that you enjoyed your trip home?”

“Yes on both counts,” She replied, slipping an arm around him and giving him a small squeeze.

“Good.  Did anything occur that I should know about?”  He asked, one eyebrow arched.  Though it sounded like a fairly specific question what he really meant was he wanted to hear about everything that went on and all she had done. 

“Yeah, there are a few things we need to talk about.”  She told him with a nod.

Holding her close, he gathered up the bags then jumped out of the well.  Whistling, he summoned Ah-Un.  When the creature got to them he loaded him down with the bags then picked her up and sat her on his back.  “I assume that you have some things for the elderly miko?”  He asked, looking at her.  When he saw her nod, he continued on.  “Then you can tell me about them while we make our way there.”  Then he and the dragon began to move towards the small hamlet with Daoe perched on her shoulder chirping happily.

When he was sure he was out of hearing range of his ‘men’ he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes.  “I missed you Kagome.”  He told her quietly.

Smiling, she said, “Know what?  I missed you too.”

Stepping closer to the dragon, he slipped an arm around her back and rested his hand on the small of her back.  “Now, tell me about these things I need to know about.”

Nodding, she started talking about what her and her grandfather had found.

Listening intently, he nodded as she talked, liking what he was hearing.  When she was done he asked several questions about what she had told him.  When he ran out of queries about the scrolls he asked one in a slightly different area.  From what you yourself have told me your grandfather has very little to no spiritual power.  If that’s the case how can we be certain ay of his will work?”

“Because he didn’t write any of them.  They were just stored at the shrine is all.  I plan on giving them to Miroku to look at.  This is his area, not mine.  After a quick read through he should know if they work or not.”  She explained. 

Understanding, he nodded.  “Yes, I understand now.  That should work.”

By that time they had finally arrived in Edo.  Greeting those she knew well as they made their way to Kaede’s hut, she pulled out the bag of stuff she had for the elderly miko.

Standing outside her small home, Kaede smiled as she saw the young miko and fearsome demon lord approaching.  “Kagome!  Ye have returned!”

Hopping off the dragon’s back, Kagome gave the woman she saw as a mentor and grandmother figure rolled into one a hug.  “I sure have.”  Handing her the bag she was carrying she said, “I brought you your usual bag of goodies.”

“Thank ye.”  The old miko told her with a nod, sitting it down.  Reaching into the hut she retrieved a bundle of scrolls.  “And these are for ye and the houshi.  He and Sango were telling me of the problems ye are having with Inuyasha so I found a few things that may be of some help to ye.”

Nodding, Kagome took them.  “Thanks Kaede.”

“If the whelp troubles you or you need to contact us let the head of my guards know and he will get a hold of me.”  Sesshomaru told the old woman.

“Thank ye Lord Sesshomaru.”  Kaede told him, giving a small bow.  “I will do that.  I will also continue to look and see if I can find anything that may aid ye.  If I do I will send it along.”
Kagome and Kaede talked for about a half an hour or so while Sesshomaru went relay the instructions to his guards about the old miko and some new things he wanted done.  When he returned from that duty the two onnas were wrapping up their talk.

After telling Kaede goodbye, Kagome once more was lifted onto the dragon’s back by Sesshomaru.  Retrieving her cloak from one of the packs he had her put it on.  Gracefully, he hopped onto the dragon behind her.  After wrapping one arm around her so he could hold onto her, she spurred the beast to take off.  Once airborne they headed towards his fortress with a happily chirping Daoe gliding along beside them.