When Good Housewives Go Bad

“STRAIGHT D’S???”

Lois paces around the kitchen table, holding Chris’ most recent Report Card. By the tone of her voice, she doesn’t seem happy about it. Chris sits at the table with a solemn look on his face, knowing he hasn’t done any good.

“Chris, I am very disappointed in you.” She says. “What happened to your father? He was supposed to be tutoring you.”

“Well, every time we started, Dad said he had to go get some Tutoring Aids.” Chris tells her. At that moment, Peter bursts through the wall of the kitchen, covered in Red paint, shirtless, and drunk off his rocker.

“OH YEAH!!!” He yells, before falling down and shattering the kitchen table. Brian walks into the room and sees Peter lying face down on the ground, unconscious.

“Peter’s the stunt man for Kool-Aid’s TV Movie again?” He asks.

Later that night…

Peter, feeling sober, lies in his bed with Lois right beside her. Her mood has not improved since earlier today. “Peter, our son is failing High School. Don’t you care?”

“Well, of course I care, Lois.” Peter says.

“Then why haven’t you been tutoring him?” She asks.

“Aw Lois, you know how bad I get at History.” He says. “Ever since I had that bad breakup with Mr. Peabody.”

(Peter remembers back to when he was young. He’s sitting in an Interrogation Room dressed as Sherman, with Mr. Peabody sitting right beside him. Two police officers start to talk to him.

“Go on, son. Tell us what happened.” The police officer says.

“W-W-Well…he calls me Sherman, and then tells me to get into his closet. He calls it the ‘Way Back Machine’.” She says, starting to tear up.

“Quiet you!” Peabody says as he smacks Peter in the face.)

“Well, I can’t do it alone.” Lois says.

“Hey, why not get him one of those ‘Hooked on Phonics’ tapes?” Peter recommends.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea, Peter.” She says. “I’ll get right on it tomorrow. For now, let’s get some sleep.” She kisses Peter on the lips before reaching over to flip off the light switch. The room goes dark & silent. After a few moments, Lois breaks the silence. “Peter, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to flip the friggin’ light switch back on.” He says.

“Peter…that’s my nipple.” She tells him.

“Oh.” There’s a long pause as Peter realizes what he’s been doing, followed by his trademark giggle, as it sounds like he’s gone back to doing it.

The Next Day…

Lois is in the kitchen finishing up on the dishes in the sink. She dries the last of them and turns around, only for her leg to be snared by a rope on the ground. The rope lifts her up and turns her upside down, hanging in the air. Lois, thinking quickly, reaches up and grabs the rope. She uses her fingernails to cut herself loose, then flips back to the ground as gently as an acrobat. She turns and sees Meg standing in the doorway, witnessing the whole thing.

“Wow, Mom!” Meg says. “Where did you learn to do that?”

“Well, before you were born, your mother use to be a Back-up Dancer for Madonna.” Lois says.

(Lois remembers back to when she was young. She’s sitting around in a circle with the rest of Madonna’s Back-up Dancers, and Madonna herself.

“OK, Lois…Truth or Dare?” Madonna asks.

“Dare!” Lois says.

“I dare you…to have sex with Vanilla Ice!” Madonna says giggling.

Lois begins to sigh. “Again? Alright, come on Vanilla.” She exits the circle and grabs Vanilla Ice, who was sitting in a chair, by the hand and drags him into the bedroom.)

“Oh yeah, Mom. This came for you today.” Meg says as she hands her a small package.

“Oh, it’s arrived.” Lois says. “Finally, your brother can have some good tutoring to help him with his grades.”

Just then, Stewie walks into the room carrying a baseball bat and wearing a blindfold. “OK, who’s ready for some Dead Lois Piñata?” He stops and lifts up his blindfold to see that Lois has gotten out of the trap he’s set for her. He smiles innocently and slowly begins to back away. “Well, time for me to be hitting the old dusty trail…” He turns and runs out of the kitchen, just as Chris walks in through the back door.

“Good, you’re home Chris.” Lois says turning to him. “I’ve got your Hooked on Phonics tape to help you with your studies. Come on, we can watch it up in your room.”

“That’s good.” Chris says. “Because the Evil Monkey that lives in my closet just went on vacation. And I been kinda lonely.” Lois leads Chris out of the kitchen and up the stairs. They walk into his room and sit down on his bed, as Lois puts the tape into his machine. She presses play, and a moment later a rather nerdy looking woman appears on the screen.

“Hello, I’m here to teach your children how to become better students in school.” She says. “Parents, this is the part of the tape where I want to establish a personal connection with the student. So if you would, please leave the room.”

Lois gets up and kisses Chris on the forehead. “I gotta go get dinner ready anyway.” She says. “Happy learning, my little man.” She leaves out of his room and shuts the door behind her. After a moment, the woman on the tape begins to speak.

“Are they gone?” She asks. A moment later, she begins to unbutton her blouse and let her hair down. “Good. You’ve been a naughty student, haven’t you?”

Chris’ jaw drops as he realizes what’s going on. “Yes, a very naughty student. But you want to be good, don’t you?” Chris nods his head in a rapid motion that would rival the Flash. “Yes you do. And you want to see what’s under my tight, black lace bra, don’t you?”

A huge grin comes across Chris’ face as he watches the woman fondle her own massive breasts. She unhooks the bra from the front and opens it up, letting her humongous melons out into the open. Chris follows their every move, as they bounce up & down, like a yo-yo being played with. His eyes lock onto her pink nipples, never turning away, not even for a second.

Meanwhile downstairs, Lois is just putting a Pot Roast into the oven. Brian is sitting at the dinner table having his traditional before dinner drink. “So, the tape arrived today?” Brian asks.

“Yeah, Chris is upstairs watching it now.” Lois answers. “Maybe this will help bring his grades up.”

“Yeah, well it’ll definitely bring something up.” Brian says.

Lois closes the oven door and walks over to Brian. “What are you talking about?” she asks.

Brian picks up the package that the tape came in and shows Lois the name of the company. “See here?” he says. “This tape was produced by the same company that made the sex tape you got for Peter.”

Lois just laughs it off. “Oh, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.” She says. “As a matter of fact, I’m gonna go check on Chris just to prove you wrong.” She walks out of the kitchen and back up the stairs towards Chris’ room. She stops right in front and slowly opens the door.

“Chris, how’s everything going with the…” She sees her son sitting on his bed completely naked, staring blankly at the screen. When he notices his mom in the doorway, Chris covers himself up with a nearby pillow.

“GO AWAY, THIS PART’S FOR THE STUDENTS!!!” He yells. Lois quickly slams the door shut, and stands there in shock. But quickly, the shock turns into frustration and anger.

“Oh god, it’s happening AGAIN!!!” She yells.

A little while later…

Lois sits downstairs at the Dinner table, looking distraught. “I…I can’t believe it.” She says. “I mean…my baby…looking at naked women on tape. There’s no way to get through to him now. He’ll never graduate.” She puts her head in her hands. “I just don’t know what to do. What do you recommend, Desperate Housewife Nicollette Sheridan?”

Lois raises her head and looks over across from the table and sees the star of ‘Desperate Housewives’ sitting there. “Well, you’ve got quite the problem, Lois.” She says. “I think there’s only one solution to this problem. You have to have sex with Chris.”

Lois’ jaw drops as she looks at her. “Are…are you insane? That’s my son. I can’t have sex with my son!” Lois says.

“It’s the only way that you’ll get through to him and make him do better in school.” Nicollette says. “Besides, it’s only sex. I mean, I had sex with Terrell Owens.”

“Ah, maybe your right.” Lois says. “I mean I’d do anything to help my…wait…” She turns and looks at Nicollette with a confused look. “I thought that was only a Monday Night Football commercial.”

“Oh no, dear.” Nicollette says. “We went at it like minks. With all of the camera crew watching. We even had a 3-way with John Madden.”

Lois smiles and slowly begins to stand up from the table. She moves slowly towards the kitchen door, inching closer & closer, until she finally scrambles out of the kitchen to safety.

The Next Day…

Chris steps off of his school bus and walks down his walkway to the front door of the house. He opens the door and announces he’s home. “Mom? I’m home.”

“Upstairs, sweetie.” Lois can be heard yelling. Chris journeys up the steps. When he reaches the top, he notices his room door is open. He walks over and into his room and sees his mother wearing a skimpy teacher’s outfit, with a skirt so short; you can see the thong she’s wearing. She has on fishnet stockings, high-heeled boots and a white blouse so tight her breasts are popping the buttons off. Her red hair is also in pigtails. “Hello, Chris.”

“Um, Mom? Why are you dressed like the women in Dad’s special magazine?” Chris asks.

“Because I’m here to teach you a special lesson, young man.” She says as she seductively walks over to him. “Meg’s off on a study date, and Brian took Stewie to the park. So we have the whole afternoon to study the curriculum.”

(Meanwhile, at the park, Stewie is playing on the swings. He’s trying to get higher with each leg pump, as Brian walks up to him. “What are you doing?” Brian asks.

“I’m trying to swing over the top.” Stewie says. “There’s supposed to be a portal up there that leads to a magical place.”

“That’s just an urban legend, Stewie.” Brian tells him.

“Uh-uh! It’s real!” Stewie says. “And when I get there, you’re gonna be so-o-o-o-o jealous.” Stewie continues to try and reach over the top. After a minute of watching, Brian shakes his head and kicks Stewie’s swing, finally sending him over the top. Shockingly, Stewie enters through a portal up there and lands in another dimension.

“What the deuce?” he says. “It worked. It really worked. I’m in another dimension.” Stewie begins to look around, seeing nothing but darkness, until he stumbles on another little boy like him.

“Hey, I’m Tommy.” The boy says. “Went over the top of the swing?” Stewie nods his head. “Well, this is it. Not much here though.”

“What? But…but this can’t be.” Stewie says. “I went over the top, for nothing?”

“Hey! I found Air Hockey!” Someone can be heard yelling from out of the darkness.

“Well, some kid found Air Hockey. Wanna play?” Tommy asks.

Stewie nods his head and decides to follow the voice. “Well, it’s more entertainment than they have at Chuck E. Cheese’s.”)

Chris sits down on the bed with Lois right beside him. He glances down at his mother’s breasts, which are almost busting out of her bra & blouse. Lois notices this and decides to begin her tutoring. “Alright Chris, if you get my questions right, you’ll get to see more than you ever hoped for.” She says seductively. “Now, who was the president that freed the slaves?”

“Um…Jesse Jackson?” Chris answers. Lois just folds her arms over her chest, covering her breasts, as Chris begins to panic and yell out names. “THOMAS JEFFERSON! GEORGE WASHINGTON! ABRAHAM LINCOLN!!!” He gives the right answer, and Lois begins to unbutton her blouse, revealing her luscious breasts being held back by a black lace bra. Chris starts to laugh and smile. “Learning is fun!”

“Yeah, Chris. And if you keep learning, it can get ever more fun.” Lois tells him, as she places her hand on his thigh. “Now, do you know who was the first man to sigh the Declaration of Independence?”

Chris’ eyes light up as he gives the answer. “OOH! I know! It was John Hancock. I remembered cause his name has ‘Cock’ in it.”

“Very good, Chris.” Lois says as she reaches in front of her bra and snaps the hook. The bra begins to separate, and her breasts are unleashed into the world. Chris can’t help but to stare and drool mindlessly.

“B-B…Boobies!” He stammers.

“Yeah, they do look beautiful, don’t they?” She says. “And if you get the next question right, you get to touch them. Now, how did the ‘Gettysburg Address’ start?”

Chris begins to think hard about this question, not wanting to lose this heavenly moment. “Uh…4 score, and…7 years ago?”

“That’s right, Chris. You can…” She doesn’t get the chance to finish, as Chris has already grabbed her love melons and is starting to fondle them.

“Holy crap!” Lois thinks. “I…I think I’m starting to get aroused by this. And Chris is blessed with such a big monster down there. Maybe I should give him a little more…encouragement.”

Lois begins to move her hand up Chris’ thigh, until she reaches the zipper of his jeans. “Chris, do you know what a Blowjob is?”

Chris’ heart almost jumps out of his chest when he hears his mom say that. “Y-Yeah. Those cost $50 at the corner by Mr. Quagmire’s house.”

“Yeah, well to get one now, all you gotta do is answer the question right.” Lois says as she slowly unzips Chris’ pants. “Who discovered America?”

Chris begins to sweat. He’s heard the answer to this before, but was too busy thinking about a way to rid himself of the Evil Monkey to pay attention. He pushes his brain to come up with the answer, until finally, he gives up and guesses. “Um…Chris?”

“I knew my baby was smart.” Lois says, reaching into his black jeans and pulling out his massive manhood. “He just needed a little…inspiration.” She leans in closer to his Cock, and proceeds to lick the shaft gently. She teases him by kissing the head over & over, but not putting it in her mouth. She then licks it, making sure it’s nice & slick for her to insert. After a minute of teasing, Lois finally wraps her lips around his Cock. She takes in the head, then some of the shaft.

Chris, still clutching his Mom’s tits, begins to smile and drool, as his eye roll into the back of his head. Lois starts to work up a bobbing motion, going up & down on his Cock. She takes her hand and begins to rub herself, getting even more aroused that she was. “Oh God, this is turning me on so much.” She thinks to herself. “I know I’m supposed to be doing this for Chris’ education…but his Cock feels so good in my mouth!” She can feel his hands cupping her large breasts, rubbing her nipples. And it gives her an idea.

She takes Chris’ rod out of her mouth, making a loud popping noise as she does it. “You know what, Chris?” She says. “Since you’ve been such a good student, I’m going to give you the Lois Special.”

“The Lois Special, Cool!” Chris cheers. “Does that come with Fries?”

Lois sighs, remembering how dense her son can be at times. “No, it’s this.” She gets up off the bed and down on her knees in front of Chris. She takes her breasts and wraps them around the shaft of Chris’ pipe, slowly moving them up & down, much to Chris’ delight.

“Hey mom, this is really special.” He says.

“I knew you’d like it.” She says with a smirk. She begins to gently lick the head, while still rubbing her breasts against his shaft. On her face, she looks as if she loves the experience. But in her mind, Lois is having second thoughts.

“This is so good.” She thinks. “But I shouldn’t be this horny. I just had sex with Peter 2 days ago. Oh God…could I be a nympho?” As she thinks this, she becomes wetter than she’s ever been before. She wants to finger herself again, but she remembers this is for Chris’ pleasure, not hers. She then comes to a conclusion, one to motivate Chris, and to completely satisfy her.

Lois backs away from Chris, and looks him in the eyes. “OK, Chris. Mommy’s about to do something real special to you.” She says. “I’m about to ride you like a wild bull.” She pushes him onto the bed, then bends over and pulls her thong off. She hikes up her skirt, showing Chris her promise land before climbing on top of him.

Chris starts to feel reluctant about doing this. “But Mom, I heard incest is unlawful and morally wrong. Plus frowned upon in this…”

Lois cuts him off. “Chris, do you wanna fuck your mother or not?”

“OK!!!” He says excitedly. Lois straddles him, with his mammoth rod rubbing against her clit. Chris begins to giggle, as the hair from her pussy tickles his Cock. Lois raises herself up and parts her love lips, before taking in all of her son’s manhood. She grits her teeth as she takes it more, and more, until finally it’s all inside of her.

“OH…FUCK!!! Chris, you’re so BIG!!!” She yells, falling forward. She puts her hands on her son’s chest to hold her balance, and begins to bounce on his Cock. She bites her bottom lip and smiles.

“Oh, I am a Nympho!” She thinks to herself. “I’m a Fucking Nympho, and I Fucking Love it!”

“Mom, your kitty feels so good.” Chris says, meaning her pussy.

“And so does your Cock.” Lois says. “That’s it. Keep Fucking Momma like that.” Her ass jiggles everytime she slams her son’s Cock deep inside of her. Her breasts bounce majestically with each stroke. It’s almost hypnotic to Chris, who can’t help but stare. The bed is squeaking loudly, and both Mother & Son are drenched in sweat. Lois leans in close to her son, as she nears her climax. Chris is getting close to his limit, too.

“Mom…my willy’s starting to feel strange.” Chris says.

Lois begins to panic. “Oh, no. I can’t let Chris come inside of me!” She thinks. “I still haven’t explained to Peter who Stewie’s real father is. But I’m so close…”

She continues to ride her son hard, trying to work herself to an orgasm quicker. Suddenly, her body begins to tremble & tingle. A moment later, she screams at the top of her lungs, cumming harder than she has in a long time. She pulls herself off of Chris’ rod, just as he shoots his load. He sprays it everywhere, on her back, her ass & her legs. A look of pure pleasure is on Lois’ face, as she falls forward onto her son.

“Alright…Chris.” She says, out of breath. “I’ll make you a deal. You get mommy’s pussy whenever you want, as long as you start getting straight A’s.”

“OK, Mom.” He says. “It’s a deal.” Lois leans in a little closer and kisses him passionately, cementing the deal. They continue to lie there, Lois’ tits pressed against his less-than-manly chest, basking in the afterglow of a hard ‘study session.’

Later that night…

Lois lies in bed wearing a pink Nightie and reading a Love Novel. Peter is in the closet, searching for an outfit to wear to work tomorrow. “LOIS?” He calls out from the closet. “Care to explain THIS?”

He pulls out the outfit that Lois was wearing earlier with Chris, with semen stains still on it. Lois gets a lump in her throat and panics. “Um…I can explain, Peter. I…”

“I know what’s going on here.” He says. “You let Monica Lewinski borrow your outfit so she could Role-play with former U.S. President Bill Clinton!”

Lois smiles and decides not to tell him. “Yeah, let’s go with that.”

“Lois, I am very disappointed with you.” Peter says. “But since he’s a former president, I’ll forgive you.”

Peter climbs in bed with his wife. “Yeah. And at least he’s better than George Bush.” Lois says.

“Yeah, George Bush sucks.” Peter adds. “Well, Goodnight Lois.” He turns off the light, and the room goes dark. After a moment, Peter breaks the silence. “Hey Lois, do you have the feeling we’re forgetting something?”

“Yeah.” Lois says. “Eh, probably just our imagination.”

At that moment…

Meg is sitting on a corner on the other side of town, still waiting for her parents to pick her up. “I…hate…this…FAMILY!!!” She yells. Just then, a white Limo pulls up beside her with the license plate ‘Muff Daddy’. The passenger side window rolls down to show that it’s Madonna. She holds out a lollipop for Meg.

“Hey, need a lift? And something to eat?” she asks.

“Yeah, thanks.” Meg answers. “At least someone came to pick me up.” She opens the door and hops in the Limo with her.

“So, have you ever met Vanilla Ice?” Madonna asks as the Limo pulls off, burning rubber through the night.