From: Betty
Date: Wed Jun 27, 2001 3:07 pm
Subject: I got a job!

Hi 
I have a new job! I start on Monday.  Hopefully that will get life back to,
well, it certainly won't be back to "normal", but at least it will be less
crazy than it has been.  My darling as been making dates for me and has
arranged another party for this weekend.  God, its crazy.  I feel like I have
cocks coming at me from every direction.  Dates, parties, job interviews.  I'm
not sure where to even start.  I guess with what happened after that last party.

Remember that last time I was writing I was still all slimey from the party and
wanting more?  Well my darling - calling him that seems more natural now - my
darling gave me more.  He tied me to a chair!  I was really nervous at first. 
I've never been tied up before and I was afraid of what he could do to me when
I was defenseless.  But I kind of liked that feeling too, you know; it was
exciting.  Anyways, he tied me to one of the dining room chairs in front of the
TV using a bunch of my pantyhose, still in my stained peach suit.  Then he
started fooling around with some equipment beside the VCR and suddenly I was
watching myself sitting in my armchair surrounded by men, while I sucked
somebody's cock.  He had taped it!  That really scared me because I was afraid
of who he could show it to.  Maybe he could blackmail me.  But then I realized
that everybody already knows.  

Anyways, it started getting me excited but I could not touch myself.  He asked
me if I would like to masturbate, and I know its crazy, but I could not tell
him "yes".  I mean, we were both watching me furiously rubbing myself on the TV
with men cumming all over me, but I felt shy about asking.  I don't understand
myself sometimes.  

He got the kitchen scissors and cut the skirt of my suit up the front.  At
first I got upset until I realized that it was totally ruined anyway.  Then he
pulled my panties down around my calves.  They could not come off because my
ankles were tied to the chair legs.  Then he a tied a pair of pantyhose around
each knee and tied them back so my knees were spread wide and then he tied
another pair around my neck and used it to hang a zucchini right at the level
of my pussy.  Just hanging there.  If I moved my hips around it would bounce
around a little which only made me more frustrated.  But I couldn't stop myself
either.  The more I bounced around in the chair, the more frustrated I got that
it wasn't enough.  He was laughing at me.  Which really made me realize how
stupid and pathetic I looked, humping that stupid, cold zucchini like a horny
slut.  

I looked up at him, hoping he would give me relief, but he just smirked back
and asked "something wrong?".  

"I'm horny!"  I told him.

"And?"

"And I want to cum!"

"Beg me.  And be specific."

So I tried.  I told him I wanted to cum.  I asked him to just touch my pussy. 
Or let me touch myself.  Or push the zucchini a little harder.  Please.

He said that that was a pathetic attempt, that I should not think about myself
all the time but more about what I could do for other people and maybe I should
just watch the video and take some time to think about what I should ask for
and how I should ask.  Then he left the room.

On the TV I was grunting and begging for more cock.  I was a little shocked to
hear all the things I had said.  God, I still can't believe how disgusting I
was and it was disturbing to watch myself.  But it kept me turned on, too.  I
would keep humping the zucchini until I was so frustrated that I was almost in
tears.  Then I would give up.  But soon the video would have me doing it again
anyways.  It was awful.  And wonderful, too, you know?

'What did he want?' I asked myself.  I should "think more of others"...  So
maybe if I offered to do something for him...

"Please, darling, let me suck your cock", I called out.  God, it wasn't even
hard to say that!  

But he said "No thanks" he called from the bedroom or the bathroom, as if I had
offered him a cup of coffee.   

So I said "Please, I'll do anything".

Nothing.  

A short while later he came back and said "Anything...?  Okay, amuse me.  Tell
me who you are and what you are and what you want and how you feel and what
you'll do for me. But make it nasty.  The nastier the better.  I want to hear
you insult yourself."

I couldn't.  I kept trying to figure out how to start, but I couldn't.  So we
sat in silence with me on the TV becoming more and more covered with sperm. 
The men who had already cum were standing around me jerking off as they
watched, stepping up to cum on me whenever they were ready again.  My face was
covered. Dripping. I was crying but I kept asking for more.  

And then that got me so turned on that I was bouncing that stupid zucchini
again, in tears there too, but of frustration.  

"Please!" I begged

"Are you horny?"

"YES!"

"Then tell me"

"I'm horny!"

"Are you a slut?"

"Yes!"

"Are you a dirty cunt who desparately needs to jack off"

"Yes!"

"Do you feel disgusting?  Perverted?"

"Yes!"

"Do you like having strange men cum all over you?  Do you like being tied up
and made to beg?"

"Yes!"  It was true.  I loved this.  

"Then TELL me!"

And I did.  I said all those things and more.  I just kept saying them and
everything I could think of.  I told him I felt pathetic and stupid.  I told
him that I liked it when the men had laughed at me and that I had wanted them
to laugh more. I told him I would do anything for just a little more cum.  God,
I don't remember what all I said, which is probably for the best.  

After he had had a good laugh at my begging he said I had been such a good
little cunt that if I would promise to tell all that to some friends of his I
would earn one last taste of sperm if I wanted it.  

So I promised. And I thanked him!  God, I felt so GRATEFUL to him for letting
me have just a little bit more!  I am so sick.

He brought out one of the saucers from my tea set and it had a little puddle of
yellowy sperm on it.  "Mmm, doesn't that look tasty?" he asked.  

It did.  I mean, it looked disgusting, all runny and thoroughly gross when I
think of it, but at the time I wanted it.  I wanted it BECAUSE it was
disgusting.  And I wanted it because it was his and he had not even let me suck
his cock for it.  I don't understand why he doesn't let me do it for him, but
it is starting to bug me.  Am I not good enough to suck his cock?, I wondered,
and that just made me want what it even more.

He looked like he was expecting an answer so I nodded, but that wasn't enough. 
So I forced myself to say "Yes, it looks very tasty.  Please, darling, may I
have it?"

He scooped a bit up with one of my good teaspoons and held it in above and in
front me.  I moved toward it but he pulled back until it was just out of reach.

"Stick out your tongue and beg me" he said.  

I must have looked like SUCH a retard with my tongue stuck out, whining
"Pleathe" over and over until he finally let me have it.  It was horrible.  It
was cold and runny and my stomach churned as I swallowed, but I still wanted
more and ate every bit he fed me and then licked the plate when he held it up. 
It was sick!  I am sick.  I hate that I did all that stuff but I love it, too,
and I know I would do it again and more.  God, if this is my new life I, oh, I
don't know what.

Anyway, he left after that and I spent the rest of the night cleaning up myself
and the apartment.  

Its funny, I don't know what I feel about him.  He has been so nice to me and
he seems to understand me better than I do.  But the things he makes me do are
so disgusting.  I mean, I loved everything about Sunday, but it was just all so
sick.  I guess "Sickman" really does suit him after all.  But what does that
make me?  "Cunt", I guess.  Thats what he always calls me.  And the thing is, I
like it.  It feels like he is calling me "Honey" or something.  Except that I
like that its an insult, too.  

Calling him "Darling" and "My beloved" and stuff sounded so fake at first but
it seems more natural now.  Actually, I sort of mean it now.  Okay, I guess I
am starting to like him.  I mean, I always liked him, but its starting to be
more than just because he is nice and he is helping me.  I have no idea if he
likes me.  I mean more than just as friends.  He doesn't talk about that sort
of thing.  I don't think he does or he would not want to let other men use me. 
I don't know why he is being so nice to me.  I just can't figure him out.  I
know he will be reading this, so its kind of weird, but I guess it is good that
he knows how I feel.

Anyways, my darling called yesterday and told me that someone would be coming
over to see me last night. Then, at about 4:30, the intercom buzzed and it was
"Richie".  He just came in and said that Sickman had said he could come over
and that I would go and rent him some porno movies to watch.  God, I paniced! 
Not only did that mean going into that store alone, but it meant WALKING to the
mall during business hours where people could see.  When I told "Richie" that I
didn't want to, he said he had really been looking forward to it and that
Sickman had told him to tell me that HE would be very disappointed if I didn't.
 I do not understand why I care so much about not dissapointing him, but when
"Richie" said that, I knew I had to go.  

It was aweful.  I know I was bright red just walking along the sidewalk and
through that parking lot.  That was the first time I had been out since all
this happened and I felt like everybody was staring at me.  I don't even know
if they were or not cause I kept my eyes on the pavement the whole time.  I
suppose that walking into that store should have made it even worse, but by
that time I just figured anybody that recognized me would be thinking, "well of
course she's going into an adult video store, isn't that what perverted women
like her do?"  I was just giving everyone just one more thing to talk about.

Anyway, I got into the store alright, and every guy in the place turned to look
at me.  And then I realized that I had no idea what to get.  There were so many
movies, all with naked women doing gross things and I didn't even know where to
start.  The guy behind the counter asked if he could help and I just said I
wanted some movies.  "Adult movies?" he asked, "cause that's all we've got",
and I told him yes.  But then he wanted to know if there was anything in
particular I was looking for I just said that they were not for me and that I
didn't know and could he just pick a some that he thought were exciting.  Then
he wanted to know how many and I said two, but then I realized that maybe they
would not think that was enough so I changed it to four and I could see all the
guys smiling at me.  I know I am supposed to enjoy humiliation and all, but I
wasn't enjoying that.  He picked four and I just said they would be fine
without even looking at them and almost ran out of the store.

So then I spent the rest of the night sucking Richie's cock over and over while
he watched the movies.  All of them, but he was fast-forwarding through a lot
by the end.  He came four times!  

He wants to spend the night on Friday, but I told him he would have to talk to
Sickman.  I really feel like a whore, letting my pimp make "dates" which aren't
dates at all but appointments for free blowjobs.  The thing is, I really did
not find the evening with "Richie" that enjoyable.  He got all the pleasure, I
just felt like he was using me, like a masturbation machine.  Its funny how
sometimes it really turns me on and other times it just leaves me cold, used
feeling.  And I can't figure out what Sickman is trying to do.  Why is he doing
all this?  Does he care whether I enjoy being Richie's sperm recepticle. 
Remember when I used to fantasize about that?  And now I have it and I don't
really like it.  

And its only going to get worse.  I had my job interview today and I got the
job, but only because I said I would give the owner blowjobs every day.  I
don't even LIKE him!   There is something about him that I didn't like as soon
as I met him.  His eyes are really cold, you know.  I was pretty sure that I
was going to have to suck cock to get the job; that seems to be the main reason
anybody is helping me, but as soon as I saw the way he was looking at me, cold,
sort of mean, I knew that it was the ONLY reason.  I wanted to dissappear the
way he looked at me, like he hated me.  Then the very first thing the guy said
to me was that he did not really need anybody and that he only agreed to see me
because he had been told I had some VERY special talents and that since I was
so desparate for a job he might consider hiring me if he thought it was worth
his while...

Everybody is always so careful to never say what they mean.  So I am always the
one who has to offer.  So I did.  I told him I needed the job so badly that I
would suck his cock for him.

He said "okay"

So I went around to his side of the desk and did it.  It is getting easier,
now.  

I wasn't really enjoying it much, I think because I did not like him, so I
thought I would masturbate a little, just to help me get into it.  But the
moment I bunched up my skirt and put my hand there he told me that he didn't
care what I did when I was at home, but when I was at work, I am supposed to be
working, not jerking myself off at his expense, so get back to work.  I was
embarassed that he had scolded me, but also it just told me I was right, I
don't like him very much.  But I finished it and swallowed his cum and then,
since he didn't tell me what to do, went back and sat down again.

Then he asked me if I am willing to make that part of my job description. I
expecting that, but it still hurt hearing the reality that I am being hired as
a whore. But I said I would if the job paid well.  He didn't like that, but my
beloved had made me promise to say it; he said that blowjobs are worth $50 to
$100 each and that if I had to do it once a day that I should be getting a
least $7 if not $10 or $12 more per hour than I was getting at the store.  That
is really hard for me to do, though.  It is easy for him to say to ask for
more, but it made my stomach hurt to have to make myself do it.  But I did it. 
When he asked me how much I was expecting to make, just like my beloved said he
would, I just said "$20 an hour" just like I had been told to, knowing that he
would never pay me that much.  He laughed at me and said that I was only going
to be an assistant Accounts Receivable clerk so there was NO WAY he was going
to pay me that.  I was so nervous that I think my voice was shaking, but I told
him just what Sickman told me, that a whore would charge him $100 for that and
she would not be paid out of the company's money.  But he didn't laugh at me,
he said he would pay me $16, which is way better than I was making at the
store.  I told him I had to check with my partner before I accepted any job and
said I would call him.

Actually, I was hoping my beloved would tell me that I could try somewhere
else, because I really do not want to work for that man, but when he called to
see how the interview went he said I should not be an ungrateful little
cocksucker and that if the guy would agree to $17 I should take it.  So then I
was hoping the guy would tell me I was being greedy and forget it, but instead
he said I had a deal and that I can start Monday.  Its kind of far away on
transit, but in a way that's good because I won't meet anyone I know.  The
thing is, I don't know anything about accounts receivable, so I hope I can do
it.

Anyway, my Love is coming over tonight so that "I can thank him", so I am not
sure what that means, and then I am supposed to call the owner of the store to
see if I can go in and thank him, too, and I KNOW what that means.  But my love
says that if this job does not work out I will be glad if I need to ask him for
another favour.

I'll write later to tell you about the party on the weekend.

Betty