{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Verdana;}{\f1\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f2\fswiss\fcharset0 Arial;}} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\sb100\sa100\f0\fs20 To my faithful, to my happiness. If I knew you were there to read it I could write forever. It amazes me what we forget. When I was a teenager I wrote a lot as well. I found some things I had written when I was 16 or so. Here is the last thing I found. I had an old foot locker in my bedroom when I was a teenager. I kept all my writing, playboy books, etc. in it. I found the locker in the garage \endash mostly rotted to pieces and about 90% of its contents ruined by water and mice \endash but this oddly enough was entirely intact. I hope you enjoy reading what I have to write. Sometimes it feels like my only way to ever touch you and hold you to me. \line\line\line\line\line Get me out of here\line I want to go where no one knows\line The hell and pain I carry through every day\line This split demon I wrestle with every day\line Sometimes my souls feels so tired and broken\line It\rquote s as if I am already dead\line I see the faces that are gone now\line I feel the cold ache of being alone\line I always knew I\rquote d be alone\line Singled out by no less than fate\line I truly believe god exists\line I also believe there are some of us he simply refuses to recognize\line When I die I don\rquote t want to go to heaven\line I want to sleep\line Deeply and sweetly\line I want the world to slow down and then finally\line Stop\line I don\rquote t want to spend some hellish eternity\line Begging on my knees, scratching at the eyes and crying\line I touched heaven briefly \endash in the front seat of my old grey Pontiac\line It was wet and warm, slightly sticky and fragrant\line I touched hell the very same night not too long ago\line When I told her goodbye\line I\rquote ve made company with solitude too many times\line The hell I suffer is defined by being alone\line I feel that god makes it impossible for some of us to ever find a soulmate\line Because he creates some of us without souls\line In the end there is truly no love for this devil\line Damnation is soft hair, blue eyes, pink cotton panties\line Tasting it all once\line Wanting it again forever\line Even a man without a soul has a heart\line Once that is broken nothing really remains\line I wish I were a snake\line Lying low in the cool grass\line Unseen in the dark\line Watching\line A predator whose every love is consumed and not to be lost\line For there is always another soon to come.\line Until the end\line And at the end\line Peace\line I regret that I didn\rquote t take the opportunity I had\line I regret that I didn\rquote t fuck her like an animal\line I regret wanting to love her and covet her\line Instead of just having her and being able to walk away\line I doubt I will ever develop that ability\line Maybe I am wrong\line Time seems to be the only thing in this world that is truly mine\line So in time I\rquote ll see\line\line\line\line le - 1988\f1\fs24 \par \pard\f2\fs20\par }