The Hourglass Syndrome by Karen Blayne

Oh by the way red tape first.

Be warned these short stories contain mature content or naughty bits and as such may corrupt you if you’re under 12, 16, 18, 21 or 25 depending where you live thus they are not suitable for you so put them back on the shelf and let them age for a year or two.

They were sort of scribbled for fun. They were first posted on asstr.org. If you’ve paid money for this book just be aware the author has not received any payment. In fact no one has permission to charge money for this book and copyright is retained by the author. Asstr.org accepts donations if you’re feeling rich or even if you’re not.

Luv Karen

Melanie looked at the notice on the library door again. Shit they couldn’t cut the library could they, how else was she going to get her free Internet access and borrow books come to that? She couldn’t afford the bus fare into the central library. Life was just so unfair these days. Where else was she going to get ideas on something different to eat, $25 a week each for food was tight even if the five of them pooled it together.

Oh well beans on toast again tonight, that’s what being on a budget meant, meat twice a week, eggs were just about affordable, thank god for domestic science lessons and how to balance your diet, much more practical than history lessons or social sciences. Her budget was another matter, how much work would she get next month? Should she move going on the pill further up her priority list? At the moment it was cheaper to just say no.

The mobile rang, “Veronica’s Office agency.” She answered “A General office temp to cover a maternity leave starting 7:30 in the morning. We'll have someone there.” Veronica’s Office agency was a cell phone, an email address and web site. Well all the girls worked temp except for Maria who had a permanent job at a coffee bar, the only non grad working there. Still as she said the others were above mopping the floor and such and she did grab the sandwiches in the case when she shut up shop for the night, that helped stretch the food budget at least. Veronica had set it up as a cooperative among the five of them. Saved paying 30% to a temp agency, they were roughly ten percent cheaper than the other agencies, and paid 10% more to their staff, but you had to wait until the invoices were paid. The rest got paid out as dividend after expenses.

Maternity leave replacements were always good, you were there for a few months and got to know the routine sometimes a permanent job might even come up whilst you were there. She crossed her fingers.

Next morning she arrived at the office and spoke to the girl who was about to go on maternity leave to learn her duties, unfortunately she went into labour after the first hour. Still that didn’t faze Mel she’d been in so many offices and she had her basic routine. Be helpful and do things you can do to help out the rest will come in time.

She’d been there a month when she was asked “Could you put an advert in the paper for an office junior?” “Would I do?” “Well yes but wouldn’t we have to pay your agency?” “Oh they’ll be happy if they fill in behind me.” “It’s a bit irregular I’ll speak to Mr. Matthews about it this afternoon.” Mel held her breath for the rest of the day but before the end of the day she had a permanent job at the same rate of pay as they were paying Veronica’s agency plus she had permission to back fill her maternity leave temp as well. A dental and drug plan were included.

Life was improving now. She could go on the pill instead of just saying no. Not that she was intending to jump into bed with just anyone but it would be nice to have the option. She was covering reception reading a book when Alan walked by. “Have you tried an eBook reader?” “I haven’t saved up enough for one yet.”

The next day he arrived in her cubicle and passed her an eBook reader in a black case. “I brought a new one that handles epub but this one still works. It’s one of the early ones so it reads Mobi rather than epub but Calibre will convert epub to Mobi and if you Google free eBooks that should keep you in free books for a while.” “Thank you.” He turned and left and she plugged it into her desktop to recharge the battery and filled it with free books over the next few lunch times.

Passing his cubicle a few days later she put her head round the entrance. “Thank you again for the eBook reader. It's really great.” “Glad you liked it. Now decision time can I face another Chinese take out tonight?” “Would you like me to cook you something? Pork chops would be simple to do.” Besides which she hadn’t had a pork chop in years far too expensive on $25 a week for food. “Home cooking I’d be delighted if you don’t mind that is. Shall I drop by your cubical at four thirty and we can stop off at the supermarket on the way home.” “I’ll meet you downstairs at the door to the underground car park, save the office gossiping if you come by my cubicle last thing.” “Done my car is on level 2 zone C.”

At the supermarket she offered to pay half the price of the pork chops but she was more than pleased to be overridden. “Nonsense your contribution is the cooking.” When they arrived at his apartment, she looked round the kitchen, small but complete even if the back of the counter top was a bit dusty. “Do you share with anyone else?” “No it’s just me, I thought about getting a cat but somehow hadn’t got round to it.” For quick she threw two potatoes in the microwave, broiled the chops and threw some frozen peas in a pan on the stove. He gratifyingly ate every last morsel. “It would be nice to eat like this every night.” “Well I noticed a slow pot in the cupboard I could make stew in it then leave it on all day and it would be ready when you came home. Freeze some and it would keep you going for a day or two. From the look on your face you’d better take me to the supermarket whilst I’m in the mood.” She slipped a pair of no name black cotton knickers and a cheap cotton top in the cart as they pushed it round, just in case. Fortunately Alan just paid for everything at the checkout.

By the time she’d trimmed the meat and chopped up the vegetables ready even with Alan’s unskilled help it was getting late. “Want a lift home or would you prefer to stay the night so you can put the slow pot on in the morning? There's a spare bedroom and bed available if you like.” Sleepily she nodded “But I guess you’d like fresh bread tomorrow morning as well?” looking at the bread maker. “Oh that I think there’s something wrong with it, the bread came out as a lump in the bottom when I tried.” She looked at him then dived in the cupboard to bring out the flour and other ingredients and put them together in the bread pan. “7 a.m. OK?” “7:30?” “Hydro is cheap until 7 but you’re paying the bill.” “7 suddenly sounds good. You mean we don’t have to get up 4 hours before we want the bread to put it on?” “You didn’t read the manual did you? I know it’s a male thing some sort of allergy to instruction books and manuals.” Alan’s nose twitched if she could make the bread maker make fresh bread he could swallow a few pointed comments.

Next morning she’d turned out the bread and set the slow pot off before he crept into the kitchen. “Well smells good anyway.” “Yes but it hasn’t risen as much as it should do. It usually takes a week or two of variations before you get the recipe just right.” “The spare room is empty.” She looked at him. A room to herself, no queuing for the bathroom in the morning, she could get used to this. “Well if you’re not charging rent we’d better pick my notes up about bread makers on the way back this evening then.” She stepped backwards into Alan not noticing he was stood behind her and felt her back positively glow from the contact, especially her butt. “Oops sorry.” As she stepped forward and he backwards, she’d have to be careful around him if he could invoke that kind of reaction in her body.

A month later she finally got the bread maker recipe as she wanted it. Alan seemed happy to pay for the raw food as he said it was cheaper than the Chinese takeaway and tasted nicer as well. Mel thought about trying to get a bit closer to Alan but thought the risk of something going wrong was too high. Likewise Alan was too afraid of losing his cook and his ironed shirts to make a move towards her. Not that she ironed them every time they were washed but occasionally she’d run an iron down them if they started to look a little crumpled, though hanging them up when they’d just finished in the tumble dryer helped as well.

“I’m Cynthia, Alan’s sister, and you must be his mystery person.” “He’s away at the moment.” “So tell me all.” “How much do you know?” “Only that he’s worn an ironed shirt twice when visiting me, mother mentioned he hasn’t asked for a single button to be sewn onto his shirts in the last three months, Oh and Jessica was livid.” “Slipped up didn’t I, Jessica?” “As in predator Jessica who had taken aim at my poor brother, boasted like a cat who’d found the cream when he invited her for a meal in his apartment rather than a restaurant and he didn’t have that idea by himself now, did he?” “You’d better come in.”

“Now what did you say to Jessica?” “I never even met her but Alan had mentioned she was getting a bit pushy and he couldn’t think how to put her off. Besides I didn’t want her moving in here where would I live? I like it here.” “So why here rather than a restaurant?” “Oh that easy I had more control here, even if I wasn’t present.” “And?” “Well all I had to do was prepare a meal with lots of fussy bits and a perfectly set table in a way that Alan would never think to do by himself, and I may have dusted and vacuumed the place from top to bottom which again Alan would never do. Then I may have drawn a couple of curls on the shopping list stuck to the fridge, and just have left the outer wrapping from my pads in the waste bag in the bathroom.” “OhMyGod I love it and you saved my poor brother from a fate worse than death. Have you any designs on him yourself? I mean he’s not that bad usually.” “I wouldn’t dare, me a mere office lowest of the low and him well I’m not sure what he is but if he can afford this place he isn’t doing so bad. No I’m happy to cook for him and have his spare room in return.”

“Oh the Hourglass Syndrome.” “Hourglass Syndrome?” “Yes you know these days you either have a professional level job or a minimum wage one and not much in between.” “You mean like my dad used to be a skilled craftsman making good money but they shifted production offshore so now all he can get is work in a DIY store. He found it very hard trying to make ends meet on his lower wage.” “It’s all a bit unfair really I bet that even though the pupils at your high school were as bright as ours fewer went on to get a degree.” “We called them the two percenters.” “I think 70% of ours went on to a degree course but they aren’t really any brighter. They’re still idiots but idiots with a bit of paper. I like you, you seem practical, go for him.” “I daren’t make the first move but if he was to ask me that might be different.”

As soon as Cynthia heard the news she called Alan. “Hi big brother, I’ve news.” “Hi, why do I get the feeling I don’t want to know?” “Now now, our dear cousin Sophia is getting married at the end of the month and we are summoned to attend by royal command.” “So?” “Well I happen to hear that Sophia’s friends will be bridesmaids that means Maria, Emily, Amber, Taylor, Leah, Alison and Kelsey will be there as well.” “OhGod not the predators.” “So I thought it might be an idea if you took Melanie with you as a body guard.” “Melanie?” His voice was guarded over the phone, “Yes I’ve got her address right here so you could write to her and invite her. That’s a coincidence she has the same apartment number as you do, good heavens she has the...” “All right I admit it she lives with me.” “Invite her to act as your girl friend and if she says she has nothing to wear send her over and I’ll see what I can do.”

“At the end of the month my cousin Sophia is getting married at a big society wedding so I wondered if I could invite you along for protection from Sophia’s friends by acting the part of my girlfriend?” he asked hesitantly. “For a start I don’t have a thing to wear, besides as soon as I opened my mouth they’d tear me to shreds.” “My sister mentioned I was to send you over to see her if you mentioned you might not have anything suitable to wear and if you just stayed glued to my side you might not have to say much.” “Best call Cyn then.” “You’ve met her?” “I’ve met her once.”

Cynthia held her breath as she looked at Melanie in the mirror. Perfect fit, perfect colour she’d guessed right. “So the four on the left?” “Do I need four?” “You’ll need a minimum of four to get through the weekend. You could take the other four as well?” “No I can’t resist these four but I can hardly believe you’d spend so much money on dresses that aren’t quite your colour.” “You can never tell in shop lighting.” “Let’s get them packed away before I summon up the courage to resist temptation.” Cynthia carefully folded up the other five dresses she’d supposedly set aside to throw out, they’d be returned in the morning. “Have you the matching heels to go with them?” “I have a pair of all purpose black ones.” Cynthia lifted the matching shoes out and Melanie tried them on. “We must take the same shoe size.” “They fit. That's the main thing.” They ought to after Cynthia had taken the time to sneak into Alan’s flat and see what size shoes Melanie wore. “I don’t think I’ve walked in heels quite so tall before.” “Not a follower of fashion then are you?” Melanie put her tongue out.

“You’ll be fine, all you have to do is act like my girl friend.” Yeah act like his girl friend who’s meeting all the family for the first time Melanie thought to herself. She leant across and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “For luck.” She whispered and glancing at the horde of people descending on them they were going to need it, at least she’d ironed his shirt and she was certain that would be the first thing they looked for.

Cynthia and her mother reached them first “Hi Melanie meet mother, she’s dying to give you the first degree.” Cynthia’s mother gave her daughter a darkening look but the words had the effect of making her feel more sympathetic towards Melanie. “Have you had a rough trip? Why don’t you have a little rest before being introduced to the rest of the family? Cynthia can you show them the way their room?” Melanie gave a little start, ‘their room’ was a complication she hadn’t been expecting. As they climbed the stairs Cynthia filled her in. “Sophia thinks Alan’s bluffing and has brought down someone he works with.” “Who of course won’t want to share a room with him.” Continued Melanie “Exactly so she arranged a little surprise.” “God she sounds manipulative.” “Your room is the third door on the right.” Cynthia turned back towards the family gathering. Melanie stepped into the indicated bedroom and paused at the sight of the king-sized bed before turning back to Alan. “I know I’m supposed to be acting the part of your girlfriend but have you ever heard of method acting?” she whispered quietly to him. His eyes opened wide “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” She nodded “It’s the only way we’re going to be able pass inspection. They’ll be looking at our body language for even the slightest indication that we aren’t a couple so undo my zip at the back and take your shirt off carefully after I ironed it.” They undressed then looked at each other. “Well it can’t be that hard, Hanna managed to get herself pregnant and she’s hardly the brightest pebble on the beach.” “We could start with a kiss?” Alan slipped his arms round her and kissed her gently. Mel eased her hands up round his neck and gently rubbed the back of his neck. “I like that.” “Good we’re getting somewhere then.” “Perhaps if we lie down on the bed?” They stretched out on the bed in each other’s arms. “Where is a copy of the Karma Sutra when you need one?” Giggled Mel. “I knew I shouldn’t have skipped those biology lessons.” Mel picked up her mobile. “I could call your sister for direction.” “Don’t I’d never hear the end of it, besides sisters don’t do that sort of thing.” Really thought Mel who do you think does?

She moved her hand over Alan’s body exploring then found her fingers wrapped round his hard rod. “This looks interesting, is it always this stiff, must be uncomfortable during the day.” “It gets stiffer when you stroke it.” “Growing warm then are we?” She bent down to nibble the end and felt herself grow warmer in the groin. She had an overwhelming urge to guide Alan’s rod inside her. “I think we might just be doing it.” Alan gasped “I think you could be right.” She squirmed on top of him, lent forward and kissed him on the lips. “Try thrusting into me.” “Like this you mean?” “I think you’re an excellent actor.” Alan wasn’t sure he was acting, he felt much too good. Finally he felt himself release his sperm. Mel felt she was missing something but for a first time it wasn’t too bad. She enjoyed the feeling cuddled in his arms and that was the most important thing, the sex thing they could refine later.

Afterwards they descended totally wrapped up in each other. The predators just shrugged and moved on. “So can I be bridesmaids?” asked Cynthia pertly. “Yes you can be bridesmaids, but a much quieter wedding I think don’t you?” he murmured the last bit to Mel who nodded her agreement. “I hadn’t even realised that my son was dating, how long have you been going out then?” “I don’t think he has ever asked me out on a date, perhaps once we’re married.” Alan’s mother just stood there in a state of shock.