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\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 +MY BEAUTIFUL RAPE AND MURDER+
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by kimmie holland & meeah mackenzie}{\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\f36\fs30\insrsid8012208\charrsid8012208 
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\par 
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 I walk into my apartment like I'm coming home from work. I must have done this a thousand times before. I think nothing of it. I'm dressed in a printed silk s\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 kirt, a light summer blouse, slingback sandals\hich\f36 \emdash 
\loch\f36 just like the working girl I am. 
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look through the mail, turn on the air-conditioner, click-clack over to the phone to check my messages, etc.\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 oh, yes, and I'm humming. It's been a long \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 day; I'm glad to be home. 
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I stand at the bathroom sink and run the cold water. While I'm looking into the mirror, the intruder (you) suddenly slips up behind me and puts his hand over my mouth. He doesn't want me to call out but I'm too shocked to utter 
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 a peep; for long seconds my heart doesn't even beat. He uses words like bitch, cunt, slut. His breath is hot, urgent, harsh where the light hair curls, just below my left ear, on the back of my exposed neck.
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\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 It almost tickles.
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\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 When I nod that I understan\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
d, you take your hand from my mouth and lead me into the kitchen. Where the knives are, I can't help but thinking. You sit me in a chair and bind me tightly with duct tape. The phone rings. We both share a moment of uneasiness, but pretend to ignore it, b
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 o\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
th the moment and the phone. Eventually it stops. Probably a telemarketer, I think. With the palm of your hand you spread a final square of tape over my mouth as if you were wiping it away altogether.
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\loch\f36 I note, unnecessarily. Your adam's apple, with its bristling unshaved hairs, really looks like a fruit, but not an apple. A wild prickly pear, maybe, brown and sweating, certainly inedible. 
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\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 The things one thinks, even at times like \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 these.
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\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You watch me closely, bound and gagged, as if I were some sort of exotic butterfly, trapped in a jar.
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\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You've torn open a box of cookies, too impatient to follow the instructions\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 press here, insert tab, lift slot, etc.
\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 too impatient to realize that\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 the box has already been opened, that your holding it upside down. Cookies have fallen to the floor; not that you notice. Shortbread cookies, a sinful pleasure I indulge; I ration them out one-and-a-half-cookies per night with a cup of tea. You step forw
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 a\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 rd and crush several under your work-boot. That's the way the cookie crumbles, I guess. Ha ha. Now I'm making jokes?
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\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 The things one thinks at times like these.
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\par 
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\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\ai\af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \{\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You cross the floor when you've finished your snack\}}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 , smack me sharply across the face, and \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 tell me to shut up. \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 Shut the fuck up you stupid bitch\'94\loch\f36 
 are your words exactly. I stare up at you, speechless, uncomprehending, when you rip the tape off my mouth. Until that moment, I hadn't realized I'd been making a sound, that in fact I'd been whimper\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 i
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 ng helplessly almost the entire time. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 I manage a whisper. \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 Please don't hurt me.\'94\loch\f36  .
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 I figure you must have removed the tape from my mouth for some reason, but even I know it isn't to hear me say that.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 I'm not going to hurt you, you dumbass cunt. Just \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 do what I say.\'94
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
You're looking me over from face to toes. The disgust marches across your face plain as those headlines in lights along the top of a building. You shake your head as you chew. I'm hoping you notice that I'm averting my eyes. I don't want t
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 o know what you look like. Later, I want to be able to honestly say that I can't describe you. I want you to know that. Can you tell? If you don't believe me, why don't you blindfold me?
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You ask me if I have any money in the apartment. How eager I am to h\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
elp! I tell you exactly where to find everything I have. Is that all you want? Take it, please, take it all. Off you go into the other room to collect every cent. Almost in spite of myself, I'm thinking: short dark hair, dark eyes, early to mid 20s, dark-
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 c\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 omplexioned, all but certainly Mexican. You return with forty, maybe fifty dollars, and shove it in my snotty face. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 Where's the rest of it cunt?\'94
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 I tell you there isn't any more and you smack me. This happens several times. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 Where's the rest of it cu\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 nt?\'94
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 There isn't any more honest.\'94
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Smack.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 Where's the rest of it cunt?\'94
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 Isn't...more I swear.\'94
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Smack. Etc.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 I start dropping words, slurring the rest, the sentence getting shorter. I'm forgetting the English language. Cash, I want to explain, debit
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 card, I use mostly, so cash, don't much carry. It's impossible to get it out between the blows. I think I'm punch-drunk. Now you are taking me by the chin, almost gently, taking me by the chin between thumb and forefinger, and lifting my face to yours an
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 d\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36  asking me very quietly, very seriously. \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 Where's the money bitch?\'94\loch\f36 
 I've given up trying to convince you. I don't seem capable of answering anymore. What makes you so certain that I'm lying? I wish you would tell me. Then, maybe, I' d be able to tell you \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 w\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
hat you want. Just tell me what to say. Is that blood I'm swallowing? 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\ai\af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \{\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 After a while\}}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 you believe me, but it doesn't bring the relief I'd hoped for. No; now you are angry because you've gone through all this trouble for forty-eight lousy dollars. You sh\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
ove the bills in my face to show me how poorly you've been rewarded for your efforts, how little I'm worth. Somehow I'm to blame, this is something I really do feel, that I accept, I'm to blame, and I try to apologize, but my mouth and brain don't seem to
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 be working in coordination anymore; my thoughts are mixed together in suspension, like a fluid in a jar that has been shaken.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You tell me you are going to get your money's worth one way or another. You say this to explain why it is your hands are inside m
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
y blouse, between my thighs above my stocking tops, feeling me up. You are kissing me, but you are angry; it is some kind of insoluble paradox. You are forcing your tongue, which tastes like a variety of salted pickled deli meat, into my mouth, and biting
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 my lips between your unfeeling teeth. 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
Why are you doing this, I wonder. You so clearly aren't gay. As if to emphasize this, you crush the little lace triangle of my  panties like a wad of used tissue around a loathsome insect. Did I pass out? Did I miss a\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
nything important that I need to know? The long groan of wordless animal agony that pours unrestricted from the core of my being fills your mouth...what does it taste like?
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You don't let a drop of sound out. You drink it down like aqua vitae in the desert\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 .
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 I use it to slice the bananas that I add to my fruit smoothie\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 
that knife in your left hand. You're a lefty? I'm sorry; I don't want to notice. You saw through the duct tape binding my ankles and yank me to my feet, my wrists still taped behind me. What \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
now? Is this a good sign or a bad? My ankle turns\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 I think my foot might have fallen asleep. How could it have fallen asleep at a time like this? Haha\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 
still making jokes; I haven't lost my sense of humor. Is that the last thing to go? I hope so. Should I s\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 h\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
are with you my little joke? No, you wouldn't think it's funny and that would be embarrassing.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
It's already embarrassing; I might have stumbled if you hadn't had me gripped so tight around the upper arm that your fingernails will leave initials carved int\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 o my flesh. Don't I know how to walk in heels by now? 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Awkward girl. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 That's not even what you're thinking, is it?
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\ai\af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \{\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 At least this much is clear:\}}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  we're heading for the bedroom. This simultaneously solves another mystery. You wouldn't think it would hav\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
e been so hard to figure out but under the circumstances nothing seems safe to assume. If I were a good girl, if I didn't give you a hard time, if I made you feel good...
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 I could hardly have misunderstood your intonation of the word \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 girl.\'94\loch\f36  You don't want
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 me to. You made sure I didn't. I couldn't have felt more naked, more exposed, if you'd had my legs thrown over your shoulders and spread my cheeks to bare my dusky rosebud. By saying nothing, by avoiding the obvious, I might still have been clothed by so
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 m\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 ething. Even if it were something you could see right through, a shimmering, if diaphanous nightie. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Illusion, maybe?  
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 You wouldn't have to hurt me. That was the deal. Implied, as I understood it, anyway. If I were a good \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 girl,\'94
\loch\f36  if I didn't give you a \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 hard time, if I made you feel good.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
Okay, that's fair, I thought. You're giving me more of a chance than most people ever did. A chance to prove myself a girl, a good girl, a good girl good at giving pleasure. Let's see how well I can do; I, who wanted to\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 make myself a girl.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
You ask me if I understand. My spaciness probably has you wondering if I'm here at all; if I'm maybe not in shock (maybe I am), or out on my feet from the smack-around. I'm so deep inside myself, simultaneously talking and listening to
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  both sides of this dialectic, I can hardly blame you for thinking I'm not paying attention, for thinking there's something wrong with me.
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 Yes,\'94\loch\f36 
 I say, with a great effort of concentration so exhausting it can only be temporary, and nod my head just in c\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 ase the words aren't audible, \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 I understand.\'94
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 These words I have to search for, as if I were trying to speak them in a foreign language I don't actually speak even though I think I do.
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Understand? Understand what? I don't think I've ever understood a thi\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 ng.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\ai\af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \{\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 At some point before you cum\}}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  you put your hands around my throat. You tell me what a stupid fucking bitch I am. That of course you can't let me go. You're on my back at this point, straddling me, riding me, your cock buried so deep in my ass that y
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 our balls swinging between my thighs feel like they could be mine. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
You slowly start to strangle me; it's not altogether straightforward, this strangling, but seems determined, if it's not consciously coordinated, by the rhythm of your fucking. Your finge\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
rs loosen with the pleasure of your thrust, tighten as you withdraw in anticipation of the next plunge. But even with this give-and-take, there's no mistake about your ultimate intention: you're going to crush the life out of me once and for all.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Before y\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
ou make this announcement, before you introduced your cock into my ass, you had me suck you off, gagging me with the considerable length and girth of your organ. With my wrists still taped, I had no control at all. You pressed my face into your sweaty cro
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 t\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
ch, fucking my mouth like a pussy. When you came, forcing me to gulp to keep from  simultaneously drowning and suffocating, I thought I'd done as you'd asked, that I made you feel good, like a good girl, and now it was over. You'd leave; life would go on.

\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 I lay on my side on the bed, curled up, sniffling\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 
tears or your cum or both I couldn't tell, leaking seemingly from everywhere\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 and that's where I stayed, not moving, obedient, while you used the bathroom, washed up, and came back into the bedroom combing 
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 your hair beautiful black hair back off your bronzed forehead. 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 It's the first time I think: you look like an Aztec priest. All you need is the mantle of brilliantly-colored feathers.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You pulled out some dresser drawers, looked through the closet, snorti\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
ng derisively at the dresses and blouses you found hanging there, my collection of heels, flats, sandals; you lit a cigarette. You called me some names.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You weren't leaving; you should have by then, but you didn't. You smoked your cigarette to the end and\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 dropped it into the water at the base of a vase of baby carnations on the nightstand. Then you told me to get on my knees with my ass in the air.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You were massaging your already half-hard cock into a full erection and staring at me. You spit on your hand\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
s and rubbed your cock faster. It wasn't going to be enough for you to just look at me and jerk yourself off, was it? No, of course not. You jammed two hooked fingers in my asshole and twisted them, like you were trying to uncork a wine bottle.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 I'm tight\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36  I know I'm sorry...\'94\loch\f36  
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
I whimpered this apology while trying to suggest, to work up the nerve to suggest, that he use the tube of lubricant conveniently located on the floor right there beside the bed. I buried my face in the pillow to smother my moans as
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 he only dug deeper, forcing in another finger, twisting, twisting, until now it felt more like he was trying to core an apple. Was he trying to fist me? What kind of damage would that cause? Was it only my imagination or was I bleeding from there, too?

\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 O\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
nly dimly did I concern myself with whether or not he was using protection. It was such a relief when he stopped loosening me up that I could think of little else but thank god he'd replaced his fingers with his cock. It hurt, but hurt less, and that, I r
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 e\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 flected indifferently, was a pretty good description of my life, my entire life, up to now.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
You can measure your life in heartbeats, so the expression goes. I could  have measured mine in cock-thrusts. Literally. Did I know that? At the time, I mean. On s\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
ome level, maybe, probably; but for the most part I was living in the moment. My senses were so enlivened, everything was so intense...I could have counted the threads in the pillowcase under my wet and sniveling face if I'd wanted. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Wow, I thought. I'm b\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
eing fucked. I'm being raped. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit nothing more profound was being thought, but maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 By the time the increasing pressure of his fingers around my windpipe registered it struck me as a fait acco\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 
mpli, my impending death, I mean, like the ending of a story I'd already read and up to now only half-remembered. \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 Oh yes, right, that's how I die, I remember now.\'94\loch\f36 
 Something along those lines, as if I were Esmerelda in }{\rtlch\fcs1 \ai\af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 The Hunchback of Notre Dame}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 
\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  reading \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
about myself outside myself in a book, if that makes any sense. Maybe it was all the reading I did in my life that permitted me this anesthesic model of depersonalization, even at this most personal of moments. Add that to the benefits of reading, I guess
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 .\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  It helps you live vicariously\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 and die, distantly, as a spectator.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
I know. I stopped addressing you, my Reader, my Rapist, for a couple of interior paragraphs there; I'm sorry. I needed a few private moments to collect myself, my thoughts, my whatever.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 I\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
'm back now, struggling, but weakly, almost out of a sense of obligation, a sense of theater. No one likes indifference in a lover\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 
or a victim. Don't you sort of expect a little struggle, a little life-ending wiggle? If nothing else, it feels good around \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 y\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 our cock, no?; the last vibrations of life leaving my body, that is. 

\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
It's too late, too late for struggle now, that's clear, but you can hardly blame me for not thinking clearly at this point, when all the synapses in my brain  are winking out, like a sw\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
itchboard going dead. Signals going nowhere, receptors disappearing, everything incommunicado. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
For an instant, maybe at the penultimate instant, when you see my eyes roll back and my lashes flutter, when you sense that for both of us, like two travelers \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
on the same train disembarking at different destinations, the end, though different, is near, you are almost kind. Your lips brush my cheek, your breath, rasping and hot, urges me to just let it go, to surrender, to let it happen, it's over. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Like a lover\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
, I can't help but thinking. That's how intimate this moment is, how personal your message. Death comes to me like a lover who'll take what it wants in any event. What more can I ask for? What more--
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 My body relaxes and as you cum I die.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\ai\af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \{\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Life is full o\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 f surprises\}}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 --but surprise!--so is death. Who'd of thunk it? 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
For certain, I thought the story would end with my letting go, with my last breath trapped in my chest as my face turned eggplant-purple, with my bladder emptying for the last time its contents\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 into the mattress beneath me. I registered the spasming in my rectum, the fireworks behind my blindly bulging eyes, the muscular contractions of your spurting cock\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 so shockingly alive in my already dead and cooling body
\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 and the obscenities you were growl\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 i\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 ng in my blood-deafened ear as my final sensations. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
Dead, I thought I could not possibly be of any more use to you, of any more interest to you or to anyone, really, and it surprised me to realize that even with the certainty of death upon me, I was wron\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
g about the last thing I could possibly be wrong about. There was an epilogue to the story, one last kink in the narrative to work itself out.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 The first thing you do is take whatever jewelry I'm wearing off my body. That's somewhat mystifying, since all t\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
he jewelry I own is junk. Rings, bracelets, necklace, even my toe ring\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 
you take it all and taken together it couldn't be worth more than $100, if that. Still, the way you handle my body, stripping it even of these worthless baubles, is weirdly touching, o\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 d\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
dly erotic. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
What the heck are you going to do with all that cheap stuff? You can't possibly sell it. Who'd buy it and, besides, what could you possibly get that would make the effort worthwhile? Give a bunch of used bangle bracelets to some other girl? I
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  doubt it. Maybe you'll keep it all in a little plastic zip-loc bag\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 souvenirs of your kill?
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
Probably I shouldn't, but I admit I sort of like that idea. You and I, we shared something special, no matter how anyone else defines it, homicide for one. Only we\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 know what really happened here, how you became an Aztec priest and I became your sacrificial victim, and only you're left to remember it among the living.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Next you start arranging my limbs just so, situating them this way and that, posing me according to\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 some secret design all your own. Things get curiouser and curiouser, as the saying goes. But not for long. With your cell phone, you photograph my corpse in various lewd positions. Legs spread, propped like a trussed turkey, splayed, laid, and displayed,
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 you click away, talking to me as if this were a Playboy photo-shoot. Or maybe Hustler. 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You leave the room for a moment. When you return from the kitchen with the broom and begin shoving it into my fucked ass, it's clear you have something much darker in \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
mind than Playboy or Hustler. It's rather alarming to watch how roughly you work, grunting and thrusting to force the broom handle into me; it makes me squeamish and I have to keep reminding myself that I can't feel anything, I'm already dead.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You circle \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
around my corpse, talking to me, telling me to smile, laughing at your own jokes. You say that you're going to sell the pictures you take of me online to perverts who like this sort of thing. Everyone will think they're faked. They'll have no idea they're
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 jerking off to a real dead girl. You clearly get a kick out of the idea. The money you make from the sale of my photos will make it worth the trouble it took to break in here.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 Your worth more dead than alive baby,\'94\loch\f36  you tell me. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 There's no one to object\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 . Besides, he's probably right.  
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 Aren't you the lucky girl,\'94\loch\f36 \hich\f36  you mock, \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 
getting to be a model. Just think of all the guys who'll be spurting on their keyboards looking at your pictures. A dream cum true, isn't it, you stupid bitch?\'94
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 By the nasty tone i\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 n your voice I know you're being sarcastic when you say \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 girl.
\'94\loch\f36 \hich\f36  I can tell you mean the word \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 come\'94\loch\f36 \hich\f36  to be spelled \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 cum.\'94\loch\f36 
 Well, what can I say? Can I honestly deny it? The idea of men looking at my body and seeing a girl and cumming...it is a dream cum tru\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 e\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 . 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 I wonder...will this picture-taking, picture-posting business get him caught? Oddly, I find myself hoping not. My own survival\hich\f36 \emdash 
\loch\f36 you might even say my immortality\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 \hich\f36 seems to depend on him getting away with murder. I'd have said \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 my\'94\loch\f36  murder, but it isn't j\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
ust mine anymore. It's ours, and it's becoming yours, too, Reader,
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 When you've exhausted your imagination, or the available memory on your cell phone, you grab me by the ankles and pull me off the mattress. 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {\rtlch\fcs1 
\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \ai\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Thunk}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
, goes my head as it hits the floor. Ther\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 e's no one home downstairs to hear it, I don't think, and even if there were, they'd hardly think anything of it\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 
figuring I'd dropped a book or a pair of shoes or something.
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Where are we going? The bathroom, it turns out. I guess this is where my body will\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 be discovered, not before too long I can only hope. I don't want to be all decomposed and stinky and stuff. Who's likely to find me? I take a mental inventory of the possibilities. There aren't many.
\par 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Meanwhile, you've lit up another cigarette, check your\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 cell for messages, and casually drop ashes on my body. Calm as can be, you're one cool customer. You pull down your fly and take out your flaccid brown cock. The jet of hot urine hits me square in the face. You direct the hard stream into my staring eyes
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 ,\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  my open mouth is rinsed with your foamy piss. And there's still enough to soak my torn blouse, my hair, what's left of my shredded panties, my silk stockings.
\par 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 What difference does it make? I have to keep asking myself this question: }{\rtlch\fcs1 \ai\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 what difference does 
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 it make?}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 Because, at least at first, it's hard to dissociate whatever is speaking here from that poor abused body on the floor. 
\par 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 You crush out your cigarette on the tiled wall and drop the butt where I lay sodden in a puddle of your piss.
\par 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \loch\af36\dbch\af37\hich\f36 \'93\loch\f36 You take care \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 now sweetheart.\'94
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
You say it with a sneer, of course, not letting your priestly mask down for even an instant, not even now that I'm dead, and can't see the real man behind the mask of the rapist-murderer. But I can't help but wonder if you don't, deep-dow
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 n, feel even a little remorse for what you've done to me, half a thimble-full of pity, or is there nothing behind your mask. Is that my fatal mistake\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 
that what I took for a mask of cold, hard, cruelty is not a mask  at all?
\par 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 That behind it all is emptiness\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 \hich\f36 , like the cosmos behind the mask of \'93\loch\f36 \hich\f36 god.\'94
\par 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\ai\af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \{\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Who is it that is talking?\}}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  Am I a ghost revisiting the past or am I dreaming of a future yet to be fulfilled?
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 In other words, is this a scene I'm haunting or is it one I'm hoping for? Is there any difference?\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 Perhaps the two possibilities in this case meet somewhere in the middle, where dreams become reality, where by fantasizing such a crime I make myself that much more likely to become its victim.
\par 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Sex is a powerful fuel; it can take us further than perhaps \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
we ought to go, further than we intend. Desire knows no boundaries, not even the one between life and death. I've traveled straight over the border, slipped past the checkpoints, eluded the guards, but I don't know yet whether my mind is following my body
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 or my body trying to catch up to my mind.
\par 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 If it were indeed my wish to die a thousand times, to live again, only once more to die, then perhaps you could say this really is my dream come/cum true. To die in a way whose retelling might give a man a hard-on
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
 is the equivalent of writing a porn story that can weave such a spell of enchantment it can raise his organ of regeneration and draw forth its seed even though we've never met, though we're separated by time, by space, and yes, by life and death itself
\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 w\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 h\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 at is that but magick?
\par 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Perhaps I'm a kind of succubus, haunting men with my story, speaking to them from the darkest corner of their minds, recreating this apartment, this murder, living again\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 and forever\hich\f36 
\emdash \loch\f36 with each fresh offering of semen...
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\ai\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \{\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Don't weep\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  for me.\}}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  I am not sad, or glad; I'm nothing\hich\f36 \emdash \loch\f36 
a ghost, a fantasy. I'm nothing. I got what I was asking for. It shouldn't bother anyone to say it. Maybe not all the time, but this time, on some level, the victim is complicit, a co-conspirator in the crime. 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 I don't mind being dead, nor the way I died. It was a dream, a fantasy, when it was over or before it began; either way, it only hurt the once.
\par 
\par \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 Being dead itself is just a dream and a ghost is nothing more than a phantasm, a translucent figure in that dre\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
am. You can't hurt what has no substance, what exists no more, what are only words whispered across the stillness of your imagination by a breath not yours, nor any longer mine.
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid15810912 {\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\ai\af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\i\f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \{\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 
Don't weep for me but cum\}}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 ...cum that I may live again}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912 
\hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36  to die so beautiful}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912\charrsid8012208 \hich\af36\dbch\af37\loch\f36 .}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\s17\ql \li0\ri0\sa120\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs30 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs30\insrsid15810912 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af37\afs36 \ltrch\fcs0 \f36\fs36\insrsid15810912\charrsid15810912 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\hyphpar0\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid15810912 \rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs24\alang1025 \ltrch\fcs0 \fs24\lang1033\langfe255\loch\af37\hich\af37\dbch\af37\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp255 {
\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs36 \ltrch\fcs0 \f245\fs36\insrsid15810912\charrsid15810912 \hich\af245\dbch\af37\loch\f245 For more stories, pictures, artworks, vidclips, and such please visit:
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\cs21\f245\fs32\ul\cf2\insrsid15810912\charrsid15808818 \hich\af245\dbch\af37\loch\f245 http://thefreakbox.blogspot.com/}}}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0\afs32 \ltrch\fcs0 \f245\fs32\insrsid15810912 
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