What the hell am I doing?
My new Honda CB110 and my dog Lucky...Pretend he's not so dirty
Hi. I decided I needed a page to explain what's going on in more abstract silly detail than my "What's New" page does. Probably it comes from some strange inner need to justify myself. I'm not sure. Anyway, things can be a little confusing around here and I average around 3800 hits a week on my website according to the ASSTR usage reports. That's a lot of people for one little 'ol me and most of them don't know me, just breeze in and out, and never look back.I don't blame them :)
Okay, first of all...I was going to get the black motorcycle and they special ordered one for me and then I saw the red one! You know, I always thought that stuff about girls changing their minds was just talk, but maybe it isn't. Anyway, it worked out because this policeman was there and he really wanted the black one. He was even sitting on it when I showed up and then I saw the red one and I said, "I think I changed my mind." and the Honda people said, "Good! Because this guy hates the red one!" ...Well, they didn't say that exactly, but the cop was really digging on my ride, so...Red is cool, right?
So I got the motorcycle problem taken care of. Now I just have to learn how to ride it. I drove around for 15 minutes, taking the back streets and I didn't crash, but...Jeeze! I'm a hazard!.
To the point
Okay, um...I'm kinda sick. I don't want to elaborate on it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want sympathy, flowers, or the Make-A-Wish people to bring me Brad Pitt in a leather diaper...Well, maybe that last one would be okay. I'm only saying it here because it will explain why I'm not always available or how come things don't get updated and when they do it's sort of at random. I've got a lot on my mind and it may actually surprise some people to know that my ASSTR website is as high a priority for me as it really is. It surprises me and confuses my husband, but it's part of me. This rache persona is who I am when I do this, or when I write, or when I get online and make a fool out of myself. You know, I'm "rache" for 2 or 3 or 5 hours a day and I can't ignore that.
Nothing else really makes that much difference. Being at SOL as an author is nice, but not important. Participating in forums, likewise. Doing email, I'll admit, isn't as high-pri as it should be for me right now. Some days I don't even want to see them and other days, I can't live without them.
Anyway, the biggest reason I mention this at all is because trying to talk around it is a bitch. I'm in the hospital with my laptop for company and I started writing some entries for NaPoNoMo and got halfway through and thought, "I can't say that because nobody knows what's going on with me..." So I started editing and it sucks. I don't like hiding things. I'm like the most open, honest, up-front and in your face person I know - and I know a LOT of people. I absolutely hate the dishonesty that writing porn mandates in my life. You have no idea how much I want to scream, "This is who I am and screw the world!" But we can't do that, can we? Being really sick kinda makes screwing the world more and more attractive all the time though. hehehehe...thud!
So there's that. More drama queen mind games from the rache socket puppet to put you back on Thorazine...Just in time for the holidays too!
This Site:What the hell am I doing?
I'm getting pretty good at photoshop, for one thing!
I'm working on the VBE material. It's a story at this point, a novel being told in a different format. I have some of my main characters now. I have Evie and Tori, a couple others, and I even have a plot of sorts. It's happening in a weird, upside-down universe and how it ends, I have no idea. My earliest material on the subject is now dated and obsolete, but that's the price I've always paid for writing/posting in progress stories. There's always the risk of contradicting myself, writing my characters into corners, etc...I live with it.
Mechanically, what's happening is that I need to move some of the previously posted material. For example, "Selling the Drama" is a short story that I put in "Anarchist's Cookbook" the first story in that short collection, but I need it for my VBE web pages. Right now then, there are two copies of that story on the site in two different places. As soon as I find a suitable replacement for it in the Cookbook, I'll fix that. So some of VBE is going to be old material. I'm doing that firstly because the stories like "Selling the Drama" work in the VBE context; and secondly because it reduces some of the new material I have to necessarily produce. Hey, blame Newton for that. I'm a body at rest, just like everyone else. It's my natural state.
Some of the VBE material may seem very strange. Like the "Sexual Jihad" which came from way back when I wrote "My Strange Life" and mentioned the idea that Amy was a "sexual terrorist" ...That idea stayed with me all these years and I coined "Sexual Jihad" some while ago with the idea of moving sexual terrorism out of my mind and onto paper...er, the screen, I mean. So VBE is about sexual terrorism and I'm looking at it as a porn version of "The Hanso Foundation" that organization created by the producers of "Lost" and I cross that with The Umbrella Corporation and give it to some whacked out insane prostitute with a very serious Messiah Complex and...You get the idea. It makes no sense at all, but I'm writing it anyway.
That's what the hell I'm doing. VBE pages will go up as I make them and I reserve the right to change any of them at any time. I'm looking at a final, finished novel - a graphic novel - and posting in-progress simply means that the audience gets to watch it happen. My vision must always be on a finality of consequence. At some point in some future it will be finished. When that happens, I'll archive the site and take it all down and do another, different one, God Willing. ...Or if I get really frustrated with it.
Thanks for reading this and I'll entertain ideas and suggestions and criticism. Feedback would be kinda nice and I've gotten some, which I really appreciate. Just knowing the interest is there makes for good motivation.
rache
