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)}}{\*\pnseclvl5\pndec\pnstart1\pnindent720\pnhang {\pntxtb (}{\pntxta )}}{\*\pnseclvl6\pnlcltr\pnstart1\pnindent720\pnhang {\pntxtb (}{\pntxta )}}{\*\pnseclvl7\pnlcrm\pnstart1\pnindent720\pnhang {\pntxtb (}{\pntxta )}}{\*\pnseclvl8\pnlcltr\pnstart1\pnindent720\pnhang {\pntxtb (}{\pntxta )}}{\*\pnseclvl9\pnlcrm\pnstart1\pnindent720\pnhang {\pntxtb (}{\pntxta )}}\pard\plain \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\nooverflow\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid8813728 \rtlch\fcs1 \af4\afs24\alang1033 \ltrch\fcs0 \f4\fs24\lang1033\langfe1033\kerning28\cgrid\langnp1033\langfenp1033 {\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \b\f399\fs36\insrsid12716748\charrsid12716748 A Geisha\rquote s Tale from the City of Death\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 sissywife x\par \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12480315 \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 So just imagine this,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \ab\af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \u8221\'d3}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  says the catwalk-thin cutie, trembling all over from head-to-toe, her blue lips blood-flecked, blood-glittered, blood-dusted, and her large painted eyes coquettishly a-flutter: }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 My lover informs me that she's planned a surprise dinner party--a surprise to me, anyway, a sort of debutante's death-ball, is }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 how she puts it, my coming-out\rquote  party. She says this}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  with an ominous, secret little smirk that only strikes me as ominous and secret }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 in retrospect, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 when}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  the secret is}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  no longer any secret, plenty ominous, and way too late to escape. \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 In the meantime, I mindlessly }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 fret and flit}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  about }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 debating }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 what to wear; in the end, of course, it's not important, because the plan doesn't require me to wear much, but I don't know that}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  yet}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 --it's }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 all }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 part of the fun}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 , their fun,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  to keep me blissfully ignorant, in a state of perpetual pre-orgasmic suspense. I've managed only to don a sexy little half-bra and ruffled panties when the injection kicks in, the curtain goes up, the show begins; half-blinded, I struggle to slip into a pair of thigh-high stockings, clumsily getting the seams straight, costing myself valuable seconds. It's when I bend forward to buckle the strappy stiletto sandal }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 to my ankle }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 that the inky black fingers of whatever illegal cocktail of drugs that's been }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 surreptitiously }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 introduced into my bloodstream slides over my brain like a }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 mutant }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 octopus, smudging up and squishing out the last of my consciousness}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 . T}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 hereupon I tumble forward in slow-motion to the polished hardwood floor like a soft little pillow at my mistress's booted feet. \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 For half the party--}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 my own party, mind you!--I'm just not with it;}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  drugged dopey, I stare through glazed eyes at a lot of people I don't know, or half-know, or, worst of all, know all too well, these emissaries from the past and present intermixed, like in a dream set in a place I don't recognize and have never been before, but familiar all the same, an archetypal banquet hall, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 maybe, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 the kind they use for weddings or mitzvahs, bar or bat, and I'm still in my underwear and I'm seemingl}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 y hovering just above the crowd}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  (}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 Why just }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 look at them down there}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 , having such a good time at my expense!}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 )}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 . \par \par \u8220\'d2G}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 od, I'm so loopy, and it's a good thing, too, since I'm starting to understand that, as unreal as it all seems, as surreal as it looks to my own eyes which are only inches away from my open palm, my head having flopped lazily to the side at the prompting of a dull, faraway pain, like the flicker of distant lightning or the faint drums of a still far-off marching band, I see the impossible: the fact that I'm nailed to a wooden cross erected in the middle of this milling gathering}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 , crucified here}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  like nothing so much as an incidental conversation piece! }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 Well, maybe not so incidental... }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 But, then, certainly not so important either; this isn't my party, after all,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  as it turns out,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  but hers, my pre-op transsexual mistress in her ultra-glam gold lame evening gown, an ex-male bodybuilder turned glamour-puss film star, or something of the sort, well, you know what I mean, not exactly a film star, per se, but...}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 wait\u8230\'c9 \par \par \u8220\'d2Ssshhh\u8230\'c9l}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 isten...they are mingling, chatting, sipping cocktails and noshing on catered hors d oeuvres and hozzie-whatzies, every so often throwing a glance my way, curious, bored, chuc}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 kling at my precarious plight\emdash \lquote }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 w}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 hose is that freakthing anyway?\rquote }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  To which}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  comes the ubiquitous response \lquote Cyn's little girlfriend.\rquote }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  The retort to which i}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 nvariably is some variation of \lquote }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 Oh...(laughing)...Jesus...I didn't recognize...well, I'll be damned they've finally gone and done it then...well, good for Cyn; she deserves it...by the way, have}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  you seen the first rushes yet? Dynamite stuff for low-budget porn\u8230\'c9\rquote  \par \par \u8220\'d2A}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 nd so it goes, the small-talk people make, even at funerals, the chitchat they generate clustered around sickbeds, and deathbeds, the pointless albeit essential buzz they doubtless made on the walk }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 to and }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 from the cremato}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 riums}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 , the firin}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 g-squads, the death marches, et al.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 ... \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 Tears have meanwhile dried in my thickly-applied make-up, so thickly-applied, in fact, that it's like a mask of sludge, so thick, to be precise, it's like my face is unde}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 r an inch of mud; why, I wonder?}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  Why--this heavy-handed, intentionally inexpert job? It's theatrical make-up, that's why, corpse make-up, that's what I suddenly realize, puddinged on the way they prepare the dead, or the slow dancing actress portraying an archetype of death on stage, her face emotionless, unblemished, vacant--serene, by which I mean to say, soulless, un-transcendent in every sense...does that make sense? Yes, there is no other conclusion to draw. I've made up my mind. I have been made-up like this because in everyone's mind I am, in fact, already dead. \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 I whimper. My bowels, as the Bible has}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  so}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  often }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 and so eloquently }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 put it, have turned to water. \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 An older man, sipping a Cosmopolitan, perhaps (I'm no Mr. Boston!) puffing a cigar, appraises me meditatively, almost appreciatively, but nonetheless with blank unseeing eyes, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 preoccupied, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 as if he were thinking of something else entirely (which, quite naturally, he is), which would mean he wasn't appraising me at all}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 , now wouldn't it? F}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 or crissakes you're not the goddamned center of the univer}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 se, you fucking egomaniac, you!}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 H}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 e was merely looking, absently, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 in my general direction because I am absent.  O}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 ccasionally someone (is it Cyn?) quiets my groans by thrusting a sponge between my teeth; it's soaked, I think, with a lemon-flavored tranquilizer}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  laced with diuretics and laxatives}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 ; the older man gets bored, resurfaces from his private meditation, gets tapped on the shoulder, knocks the ash off his cigar and extinguishes it, off-handedly, against the inside of my left thigh, and so it goes. \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 My ribcage, exposed below my pink polka-dot halter (yes, I'm now wearing a polka-dot }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 pink }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 halter and pink short-shorts, don't ask me how this is possible) is slashed (for effec}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 t, non-lethally, Cyn assures me;}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  she looks so radiant!) and my taut tummy is stretched (and similarly slashed w}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ith what look}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  to be some sort of Mayan hieroglyphic}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 s}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 ) between my prominent hipbones, navel pierced, of course, with a dangling rhinestone trinket}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  of vaguely religious significance, ironically postmodern, of course}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 . \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 A party game has started up, seemingly spontaneously}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  as these things }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 so }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 often do, with the abrupt and incongruous appearance of an aluminum baseba}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ll bat\emdash \lquote Break the Pansy's Legs\rquote  this unfortunate game seems to be called. I}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 s that}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 , ultimately,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  what this is really all about? Someone has tacked a sheet of paper above my head with the words "Impotent Fag" scrawled across in pink block letters, and so, now that all's prepared, let the game begin! }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 I guess you could say that the general idea of the contest resembles (more than anything else I can think of at the moment) a sort of cross between pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and beating a pi\u241\'96ata. Someone takes up the bat, they blindfold him or her, turn them }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 rapidly }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 around two or three times, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 and face}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  them in the general}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  direction of my crucified body. Then they give them a shove forward}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 and the hilarity ensues!}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 Staggering towards me, bat-on-shoulder to the accompaniment of encouraging ch}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 eers, hoots and laughter, to}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  spirited and shouted instructions (left, right, no left, left, left, now right, that's it, a little bit forward, not so much, almost, almost, right, yes...}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 stop right there... S}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 top}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 !}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 ...}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 now\u8230\'c9}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 SWING! SWING!). Each participant eventually arrives in the approximate vicinity of my cross, at the foot of it, I mean, and, with all their might, takes an awkward, off-balance hack, the idea being to break the bones in my legs so that, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 no longer able to support my weight}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 , unable to relieve the pressure on my nailed wrists and feet, my diaphragm will collapse, my lungs fill with fluid, eventually cease to function}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  altogether}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  and}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  in exhaustion and agony, lapsing into shock, I'll suffocate and expire, which is generally the way the crucified of all centuries}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  eventually me}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 t their deaths. }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 And nothing more than this is the goal of the game, this }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 is how the winner is determined. }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 Who'll be the one to succeed in break}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ing my legbones so that I croak. T}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 hat person is the lucky champion! Can you imagine? What kind of people are these, anyway? What kind of world is this that they inhabit? How did I end up among them? }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \par \u8220\'d2And that\rquote s not even the worst part, the most humiliating part. Shall I tell you the worst part?\u8221\'d3\par \par \u8220\'d2No, please don\rquote t. I\rquote ve heard enough\u8230\'c9\u8221\'d3\par \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid11216045 \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 The worst part is that this isn't even the worst part}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 , that the worst part is still to come. }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 The blows, you see, are excruciating in themselves, but invariably, (barring a lucky strike--lucky, that is, for me--which, unluckily--for me--is never struck), they are for the greater part wildly inaccurate, more painful, perhaps, for their wildness and their inaccuracy, thunking as they do across my shins, glancing off my kneecaps, clipping my ankles. They cause pain, in other words, but they do not lead to the quick and efficient end of my life (=suffering). }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs52\insrsid8813728\charrsid11216045 \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2The game doesn't engage}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  everyone's interest, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 nor hold it, at least }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 not}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  initially\emdash two }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 or three take it up, abandon it, then two or three more, another and another, joined by four or five, losing a few here and there who drift off }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 to the bar or bathroom or whatnot. Sometimes, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 for a time, at least, the g}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ame is neglected altogether; inevitably, though,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  someone weaves drunkenly up }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 to where I\rquote m crucified, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 takes up the bat}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  and without even bothering with the blindfold that supposedly provides the challenge}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 , rears back and takes a wild hack.\par \par \u8220\'d2Ouch!}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2The party goes on, advances, contracts, takes on a life of its, as parties do, amoeba-like, dividing and reuniting again. }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 There's my ex, oh Christ, it's true, there she is, I can't believe Cyn invited her, here she comes, blindfolded, grinning, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 the aluminum baseball bat in an awkward two-fisted grip. H}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 er chopping blow catches me in the groin, the backswing lands square on the nail driven through my right instep--I go icy cold with pain, blinded by a brick wall of white light. Her lover comes up behind her, wraps his arms around her}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  waist}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 , guiding her through a swing or two. }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 The blows }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 that follow }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 land without a great deal more accuracy, but they pro}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 voke a good deal more amusement}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 . At last, oh thank god at last, the coup de grace is delivered; it's her new lover who takes the bat, removes his sports coat, and takes what is recognizable to anyone}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 , even those unfamiliar with the sport,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  as an }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \lquote }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 expert stance.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \rquote }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  A crowd materializes out of thin air, like ants around a fallen chunk of cherry popsicle (}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 it\rquote s easy to forget that }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 even Aristotle believed in spontaneous generation). \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 Tall and athletic, broad-shouldered and muscular, an ex-ballplayer }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 who years ago played }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 in the minor leagues of one professional team or other (the St. Louis Cardinals? the Cleveland Indians?), he won't be cheated, so he cheats. I catch his eye from beneath the blindfold he's managed to partially slip to the side as he strides purposely and unerringly forward, takes up that expert stance}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  I\rquote ve already mentioned, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 first from the rig}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ht side and then from the left \endash he\rquote s a switch-hitter! The years haven\rquote t eroded the beauty of his }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 fluid and level swing}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ; age and a few extra inches around the middle hasn\rquote t thrown off his timing. He}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 measures me up just right and}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  catches me on the sweet-spot (an inch above each knee), a pair of homeruns for }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 sure, going, going\u8230\'c9}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \i\f401\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid14621237 see ya!}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  He wins the }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 big }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 game, my ex throws herself ecstatically into his arms ("my hero!"), and the crowd goes wild. }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \par \u8220\'d2Meanwhile, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 I sag down, fatally, on broken legs, never to rise again for breath (or anything else); my head drops dumbly to my chest and through fluttering }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 false eye}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 lashes I see my pink bik}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ini-style panties rapidly darken as my bladder empties }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 and I wonder, am I actually pissing blood? \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 Standing on hand, monitoring my progress (Progress? Can you really call it that? Sure! Why not? Fine...progress then) is the surgeon with his }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 stethoscope and scalpel, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 his cooler of dry ice. Nothing here will go to waste; after all, a human body is }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 a treasure chest of invaluables}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 --an iconic senator dying of nephritis, the aging rock star with the pickl}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ed liver, the clogged and rotted}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  heart of the }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 cutthroat }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 venture capitalist-turned-philanthropist }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 at the eleventh hour, but, }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 alas}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ,}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  too late}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 . W}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 ho said money can't buy everything}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ? I}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 t can b}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 u}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 y whatever you can afford! }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 It can buy you a second life; it can buy you a cure for death.\par \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 Already, unable to wait, and because it makes for better theater than carving up a corpse, the surgeon has worked the urine-soaked panties over my hips and down my smooth thighs}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 . He performs}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  a makeshift orchiectomy, tha}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 t's castration to}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  you laymen}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  out there}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 , slitting my scrotum open down the middle (}{\rtlch\fcs1 \ai\af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 my what?!}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 My scrotum!? }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 How did }{\rtlch\fcs1 \ai\af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 that}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ever }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 get there?!), reaching inside and prying out my testicles (}{\rtlch\fcs1 \ai\af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 my what?}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  My }{\rtlch\fcs1 \ai\af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 testicles?!}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  Hey, what gives? Surely you jest!), cutting the cords and nerves and whatnot, his latex fingers slick with blood and unexpressed semen. There's some impotent Russian bazillionaire somewhere in the Urals who's convinced that a ground and dried concoction including such illicit ingredients harvested fresh from the source makes Viagra seem like }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 taking }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 baby aspirin}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  for a brain tumor}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 . }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 Corneas, hair, teeth, not to mention lungs, the pancreas, and adrenal glands, the skull cracked open, that jellied meat a delicacy, the pituitary rare as a four-leaf clover, bones have uses too, damn it's all good, and when the body is empty so long as there are recognizable orifices and a certain quantity of meat }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 remains }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 a necrophiliac can be found somewhere who'll pay to fuck it, a cannibal to eat it, and when that's gone there are master tattooists around the world who\rquote d kill for }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 a }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 skin }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 as pale and smooth as mine }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 to s}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 tretch and ink with secret grim}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 o}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 i}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 res; rich collectors are paying fortunes even as we speak (so to speak) to secure such precious canvases for the unimaginable collect}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ions of the darkest galleries in the most secret of private}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  museums. \par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \u8220\'d2}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 Cyn will make a bundle on my carcass}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  alone}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 , not to mention }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 from }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 the}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  proceeds of the}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  film she's paid a photographer to ma}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 ke of my torture and butchering. She\rquote ll net}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  enough to never have to work again, even if her film career doesn't }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 pan }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 out the way she plans, and knowing her, with that short attention span, addictive personality, and alarming tendency to self-destructive dissolution, it surely won't. Well, she'll be able to have that child she always wanted and that's not cheap without a womb and}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  all, but what can science not do if it has a mind to do}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 --and a full enough pocketbook...in a word, nothing! }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 \par \par \u8220\'d2They'll implant the brat}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  in her tummy, or thereabouts, like a virgin birth, a child of no man (and, in this case) no woman born, a propitious and unprecedented pseudo-event. It's always been a dream of hers, motherhood, that is, the ultimate fantasy, to be a big-bellied, big-titted, transsexual earth mother with a Munchausen's fetish--it's nice to be able to help a dream come true, although I have to admit I wish }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 it hadn't cost me quite so much. S}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 peaking of which, why haven't I lost consciousness by now, haven't I suffered enough, why does this horrible moment seem fro}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 zen, like it's going on forever? I}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 f only I could wake up, if I could }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 just }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 wake up}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728  for five seconds}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 , maybe, just maybe, I could die once and for all at last}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728 , is that too much to ask?}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451  }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid6965808 \par \par *     *     *\par \par For more of my writing, as well as photos & artworks please visit my blog Bad Pussy at: sissyforlife(dot)blogspot(dot)com.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af169 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\fs36\insrsid8813728\charrsid12658451 \par }\pard \ltrpar\ql 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