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* "NEW TO LOVE" *
* (part 12) *
* by Vince Water 10/03 *
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| Copyright 2002-2006 by Vince Water Corrected 3/06 |
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A flood of Christopher's memories drown who I am as Mike until there is
only us. No separation of selves. I'm Living things that youth saw, did and
experienced. He was me a long time ago. I am becoming him. My head bangs
against the padded wall in my attempt to stop the torrential flow from his
being. I'm losing myself!
My fear is slowly replaced by awe. My former self has such interesting
memories to give me. I want to know who I was. He needs me to.
In a flurry of images, I'm Shown a boyhood of chores, sitting in school,
playing with friends and all the happy times I had with my parents. We'd
lived in a small town outside Indianapolis called Shelbyville until Pa felt
the wanderlust to go West. We'd heard about the rich virgin farmland for the
taking west of the Mississip' so when I turned fifteen, my parents packed up
and left what had been our home for all them years.
Our wagon is pulled by two horses. It'd been exciting those first few
weeks but we'all grew weary of traveling. The forests gave way to rolling
prairie that ever seems to end. After crossing the Mississip', there were
fewer towns and then none. Sometimes we met up with other wagons. Talk was
good to help pass the days. Pa wouldn't linger on their trail for long. Even
when we were headed in the same direction. He wanted to go his own way. Ma
missed the company of other folk the worse and as much as I sympathized with
her, I dared not speak against Father about it. He's a man not to be
reckoned with. Always right!
Pa is hitting me with a stick. I feel his sharp strikes to my butt and
endure it like a man without crying out. He's punishing me for allowing our
horse to wander away. It took us all afternoon to track that gelding down
while mother sat with the wagon waiting for our return. Afterwards, Ma
spread some grease over my sore backside to help ease its pain. That was a
mite embarrassing but letting her tend me was her way to show forgiveness.
We come across a swath of trodden land as far as the eye can see. Pa said
that buffalo had been this way. He worries about coming across savages. I'm
not. I'd love to catch sight of half-naked Indians my teacher Miss Perkins
told us about during History. She even had a few photographs of them to show
around class. Her father's profession was of taking sittings of rich folk
who wanted their portraits taken. Miss Perkins claimed that photography
would replace paintings one day.
My eyes open. The harsh glare of florescent light reflects off the white
padded walls to my cell. I'm feeling thirsty. Oh. There's no sink in here.
Only the toilet and I am not going to drink from that. I consider asking
whoever is keeping watch of the cameras in this room for water but I'm
remembering being mocked earlier. I'd only get laughter from him. Wearily,
I plunk my head against the wall. More memories come.
I'm gulping down water, sputtering for breath and calling out. "Help, Pa.
Help me!" I shout. I'm struggling against the current that has capsized our
raft. Ma had been tossed off like a sack of flour. I didn't see her coming
back up. I've grabbed hold of a plank that'd broken off from our raft. I'm
carried far downriver. Some of our belongings are swept along with me. I
haven't caught sight of Pa. I don't want to think about what's happened to
Ma, that she's drowned. That's going to be my fate if I don't get to the
bank! My legs kick hard. All my strength departs me from the cold water.
I'm rescued from a sandbar by a fur trapper. He sets a fire to dry all
of my clothes. I sit before it half dead. The man tries comforting me but I
don't like his eyes on me. He goes off to search for my parents and to my
woe, Ma is found. We bury her there on the bank where she washed up. No
sign of Pa. Mr. Telson thinks he drowned too so I'm taken to Fort Union.
I'm given that man's room to sleep in. He helped awakened my manhood. It
was only sex whereas I thought he was offering me more.
My heart is taken by a handsome Indian brave who carries me away from the
fort as his boy. Ah, Owopspec! When I thought my life was over with, you
offered me a second chance. My back has turned on who I was and the ways of
white folk. I strive to become a Blackfoot.
There's a lull in the flow of memories. I've been drowning in them and
gasp for breath. My head feels like a rock. I fall onto my side, welcoming
the cold floor against my face where sleep takes me.
Dreams. Such vivid dreams are rushing through my head that I know are yet
more memories to be Lived. They cannot be denied. Images flash past me like
a movie set at high speed. It's too much! I cry out in anguish but the
scenes keep coming and coming and coming... Never stopping.
I'm twelve. My friend Peter shows me his so I shuck down my pants with a
shy grin. He's in awe of my groin hair and the size of my dick standing
along it. I look at his pole. His'll need a few more years of growth before
he can shoot from it. Peter doesn't lack from trying. We stand close
together with me watching his bobbing hand. I'm too embarrassed to play
along. It's a naughty act that's considered a sin. Peter cries out all of a
sudden with his eyes fluttering. A sigh comes from his lips. I'm left
feeling all excited and flustered. His humping butt had caught my eyes
throughout. I'd been tempted to touch it. Shame comes to me.
Sweat runs into my eyes. I'm helping Pa pull out a tree stump in a field
we're opening up for Spring planting. This one is particularly stubborn. Not
all its roots could be severed. Three sets of ropes are tied around the huge
stump. Pa strikes his horse's rump to get the gelding pull harder. We're
all pulling. I hear the sound of moaning wood and with an explosion of dirt,
the tree stump is freed. Five more trees await a similar fate this day.
It's Sadie Hawkins Day. My folks have taken me to the get-together in
town that has a nice spread of food over the tables. I'm eating a piece of
Mrs. Languet's strawberry pie. It's really good! Nice crust. I avert my eyes
when any girl casts theirs in my direction. I'm too young to be interested
in them. To my woe, Betsy Goodman chases me to the outhouse where I try
finding sanctuary from her desires. She pulls really hard on the door. I'm
straining to keep it shut but to no avail. The girl assaults me with kisses.
Yuk!
We're taking rest on our Lord's Day so that we'll be ready to continue
our journey West. We've been at it for over three months! I wonder when
we're gonna reach the 'Promised Land' that Pa's always talking about. The
land spread out before our limping wagon is good. Acres of prairie without
trees to cut or rocks to remove. Why not settle down here?
Snip. Ma is cutting off my lengths with her scissors. A lock of my hair
drops to my knee which I brush away. Another snip. Up yonder, I spy Pa
checking on the rear wheels to our wagon. The left n' hasn't been doing well
so I reckon he'll be at fixing it. We've since borne the spare wheel. God!
I'm so tired of the traveling. The prairies keep going on and on without
catching sight of another human being. Not even Indians.
Another dream scene fills my head. Part of me knows these are moments
from Christopher's life. I'm reliving them.
"Them are good markings, son."
I'm beaming with pride to hear that from Pa. He's not often praising me.
I show my school report to Ma who turns to her husband, sending a chill down
my spine. Is she gonna ask him what we've been talking about in secret?
"They are very good markings, Joshua. I've heard there are fine schools
in Indianapolis who'd take our son for a student."
"We ain't got the money. I'm sorry, Chris."
My head hangs. Pa's really saying that he needs me around here. I look
down at Miss Perkins's report with my hope of going on to further schooling
dying in my heart. Anger fills me. Why did I try so hard? Good markings
aren't needed for farming. I'm gonna be stuck here for the rest of my life!
Another moment from Christopher's life comes.
Mr. Catlin turns to the next page in his sketch book. I'm told this is a
fine specimen of a man called "Ish-a-ro-yeh" that translates into English as
"Carries a Wolf". I note the single eagle's feather worn in his hair. This
Blackfoot has to be a warrior. He wears a shirt. A shield hangs down the
right side of him held by a thong running across his chest. The bottom of
his body is well covered.
"See the coup stick that he's holding?"
I nod at Mr. Catlin.
"It's the highest form of bravery to simply touch your enemy with a coup
stick or even your hand. The tales you've heard about Indians always killin'
and scalpin' their enemies are exaggerated."
The artist turns the page. It's another sketch of a fully covered Indian.
I'd seen them coming to the fort to be painted by Mr. Catlin. The chiefs and
warriors of well renown. A party of young braves would always accompany them
as body guards. I enjoyed looking over their half nakedness with a keen eye.
Only flaps worn! "Do you have any sketches of Indian boys?" I ask almost to
myself.
"No, Chris. Few have ventured close for me to spy on. That youth seen by
Mr. Sinare outside the fort wall had put on a disgusting display an' given
a bucket bath by that guard for his trouble."
Everyone at the fort has heard about that. I sure wish I'd seen that boy
pulling over his dick! Mr. Catlin gives me a sour look. I'm hiding my grin.
The artist goes off into one of his lengthy dirges.
"You see, Chris. I'm trying to document their mystery of costume,
posture, display of weapons and what the Indian has retained inside them.
Their connection to the Great Spirit. I'm saddened to think that in mere
decades ahead, thousands of years of Native tradition will be destroyed
when these people are swept from the earth. Our Nation will have lost
something unique about these Original Americans that only my records will
preserve." He turns to the next page in his sketch book. "Here is a man..."
My little feet kick over the bed. I'm crying for Mama to make them
wrinkles in the sheet go away. She comes. Holds me in her arms so I forgit
what I'd been fussin' about.
I awaken late in the night. My hand reaches over to where Mr. Telson
should be asleep but I find only an empty place in my bed. Oh, yeah. He'd
left the fort without even telling me. I'd caused him to run away.
"Where do babies come from?" Mama gives me a shy look that makes me feel
like I've asked something I oughn't have.
"Christopher. When you get older, you'll find a nice girl and marry her.
A baby comes from your love."
"Like how I came to you and Pa?" Mama nods. I'm looking down at both my
hands and counting up from my age to how old my father was when he married.
Two fingers are left uncounted. That's a long time from now!
Sweat pours into my eyes. I fork over another load of hay to the barn
floor way down below. It falls like rain. Pa has sure been worrin' about the
dry spell. Our corn'll fail if a summer storm don't come soon. I climb down
the wobbly ladder. Relief fills me when I'm safely back down. I take a load
of hay to Gertrude, our milkin' cow. The goats get fed next. Lastly, I drop
two armfuls in ol' Nick's stall. He doesn't seem interested. Could mean
something's wrong if he's off his feed.
I get into the stall to check on my horse. He's bucking some so I'm
keeping my distance. Eyes look calm. Flat ears. Hmm. That's when I notice
the peculiar way he's standing so close to an edge of the stall. His tail is
raised, rump flexing. My eyes go between his legs. Wow. I'm spying on his
long black dong rubbing along a railing I'd replaced the other day. A sly
smile comes to my lips. He'd been gelded but still feels the itch.
Nick's exciting display reminds me of what my friend showed me so I pull
off my shoulder straps. The overalls fall to my ankles and are kicked away.
I'm looking down at myself that's no match to this horse's proud male
display. After taking a quick look around (silly that because my parents
have gone into town), I close onto my horse with my arms going around him.
I'm breathing in his smell of sweat exertion mixed with dung. There's a
longing in me to mount him. Naked. With a foot up on the railing, I swing
around until I'm over his back. The horse's warmth is felt against my butt.
He's still bucking his that gets me real excited. I lower myself on my
belly, hands reaching around to encircle his long neck. His huge body feels
nice under mine. Warm.
"Yeah, Nick. You go ahead and give it all you've got!" The gelding makes
for an exciting ride even though we ain't going anywhere. My eyes close. I
recall a lusty memory of seeing Mr. Cooper's stallion performing at stud.
Peter's Pa wanted their mare impregnated so he'd paid to get them two
together. Nothing happened for a few days in the pasture much to everyone's
disappointment. My friend and I happened to catch them at it. An exciting
mating to witness, though brief. The stallion was hunched over the mare and
sticking her good. His powerful rump bucked like Peter's butt had when he
pulled on his erection on that day we'd stood naked together.
The stallion released a lusty whinny at his ending. He'd bit his mare
before dropping to all fours. His long dong still squirted. She pushed out
sperm from her cunt as if spurning him. Then they took off down the pasture.
Peter ran to where they'd been and showed me a wet place over the grass.
He scooped some up into his hand. To my surprise, he'd shoved that hand down
into the front of his pants. I stood rooted to the ground to watch the kid
handle himself. The tight bulge in my pants was eyed by him but I wasn't
going to shame myself like before. Peter cried out. His hand came out empty
so I knew that stallion's sperm was left over his dick and balls. What he
told me was that his loins needed to be empowered. My face burned when he
added how he'd been disappointed when I wouldn't give it to him.
I'm startled by Nick's piercing whistle. I'm hanging onto his neck while
he bucks against the corral like it were a mare he's mounting. My dick feels
intense. Breaths are rushing through my mouth with a strange feeling in my
gut. Ahh! There's an explosion in my head. I'm crying out when squirts come
from my dick to the horse's back. A brief intense pleasure. Our heated
bodies slow against each other. The gelding walks to where I've dropped hay
for him and I hear munching. My body remains limp over his back.
A breath of cool air is felt over my butt. In alarm, I sit up and look
towards the barn door. No one's there. I'm looking down between my legs in
dread and see an oozing from my dick. There's a wet spot over Nick's back.
My left hand rubs it into his hide. Pa would give me a bad lickin' if he
knew what I'd done with the horse. Wearily, I drop down from the gelding.
I'm getting my overalls and rush to put them on. My body reeks of horse
sweat and, to my shame, sperm. I shouldn't have made it come out. God will
surely punish me! Peter's 'empowering rite' with the stallion's sperm and
telling me how he'd wanted me to give mine to him put much temptation in
me. I want to be with my friend like I've been with Nick. That makes me so
ashamed! I shouldn't have such feelings for other boys but I don't like
girls...
Betsy is sweet on me. She's always finding moments to get me alone and
it's her eyes that scare me. How they shine. I've been trying to let the
girl know I ain't interested but she don't get it. I'm not gonna admit that
I like boys instead.
A silvery flash is glimpsed between my feet that I've got stuck in the
pond. "Hey! Did you see that?" Peter looks between my legs with a sly grin.
"You're small there now."
My face begins to burn. I suspected that Peter had felt my hard on
against him when we were wrestling in the water. His slippery body had felt
nice to embrace. I point down into the pond. "A big fish was going after my
toes! I should have made a grab for him."
"Hey. There's a fish!" Peter shouts.
I yelp with surprise when my dick is grabbed. To escape my friend's
clutches, I dive into the water. He gives chase. His hand manages to touch
my butt a few times before I reach the other side of the pond. There's a
fallen tree along the bank. I set myself over it and Peter joins me to dry
off under the sun.
"Darn. It got away."
I'm laughing in reply that's mostly from nervousness. Peter stares at my
dick. It's somewhat hard to my dismay. His pole stands tall though its rosy
knob hasn't popped out of his foreskin. Catholic boys don't get theirs cut.
My friend is often looking at my nakedness when we go skinny dipping. I like
him doing that and I've been looking at his body though he's kind of a
shrimp. Such a small butt on him.
"Can you get yours to shoot yet?"
I suspect what Peter is asking me but answer, "I've pissed at a gofer
that was nearly ten paces away. Tried flooding him out of his hole, I did."
My friend giggles. He takes hold of his erection. I'm thinking he's gonna
piss to the pond but nothing comes out. I see him pulling over his foreskin,
a back and forth motion that gets his knob popping in and out. He grins from
my staring. I'm rushing to my feet and try to take a piss.
I gasp when Peter gently grasps my waist when coming to stand at my side.
His palm presses over my upper butt. He starts pissing. After lots of
concentration, I manage to join him. Our yellow streams cross. I'm tempted
to hold his butt likewise but fear what that might lead to. It's a sin.
Afterwards, we walk around the pond to find our clothes. Peter never
talks about what he does with himself and I don't ask. We're good friends.
That's just something he likes to do after our swim.
I'm nibbling on a piece of corn bread. Ma has set supper on the table and
we're waiting for Pa to come in from the field. She let me ring the bell to
call him. I've gotten tall enough to reach it without needing a step stool.
With my spurts of growth this summer, Ma has been hard pressed with keeping
me in clothes. I'm running around shirtless while in my long johns. Pa
often wiggles his fingers into their rear opening to tickle my butt,
calling me his 'little blue jay'.
Owopspec's father is a chief of the Blackfoot. His face looks stern when
before the People but alone in my presence, he's often smiling. I've gotten
used to him giving my butt a fond pat. I remember my first morning in camp.
After playing some naked games with the Indian boys, a mounted warrior came
whom we greeted. I was a bit embarrassed by my lack of clothes. He noticed.
At that time, I didn't know who this man was but he knew what I meant to his
youngest son. He'd given me the thong belt and flap like any boy wears in
his tribe. Only my backside was lacking for cover. We both knew why then.
Only later when I learned Siksika did Chief Ear-to-ground-to-hear-buffalo
recount our first meeting. He'd thought that six buffalo hides were a big
price to buy my freedom from the 'blue-coat's cage of ringed dead trees' as
he'd put it. I remember Owopspec giving those hides to Mr. Sinare at the
fort. That soldier realized it was a trade for me and warned that I wouldn't
want to go off with the Indian, but I did. I'm Owopspec's boy lover so my
butt is kept uncovered for him.
I'm rushing out of the tipi to a scene of chaos! Everyone's running
around. Warriors and braves clutching weapons are getting to their horses
and mounting up. Women cry out in fear. They carry small children in both
arms and run away from whoever is attacking our camp. I hear a rifle shot.
And another that sounds closer. A little girl named Cow-sniffs-clover is
running past me with hands covering her ears. Guns do make a frightful loud
sound. My blood runs cold when I hear a trumpet blaring. In the distance, I
spy on an expanding column of blue uniformed men galloping towards us on
horseback. They're U.S. soldiers. Have they come to 'rescue' me from the
Indians? I stand rooted to the ground. Their rifles fire again and again,
dropping men and women and even children.
"NO!" I shout. I'm running towards them with my arms flailing to give
myself up so they'll stop the killing. I don't want to be the cause of a
war! The soldiers ride past me with guns blazing. I'm turning to call them
back for having missed seeing me. Oh. They couldn't know that I'm white
because of my sun tanned skin and breechclout worn around my waist. I could
have been shot as an Indian!
I hear a moan at my side. It's an old man who's been wounded. His left
arm lifts from the ground in a plea for my help. I rush to Owopspec's
grandfather, Strong-as-the-mountain. Blood pours out of a gaping hole in his
right breast. I press my hands down to try stopping its flow. The man grunts
in pain. I'm crying out when he grabs my hair, pulling me to the ground next
to him.
"Krist-o-fer. Don't give away your life... Flee!"
The thundering of horses approaches. Strong-as-the-mountain keeps his
painful grip of my hair until they pass. I flinch with each rifle shot. They
fade into the distance. The old man has released me. I look into his eyes
that are no longer full of fear. They don't blink. Grief strikes me when I
realize that he is dead. My fist pounds the dirt in anger. I'm howling out!
Eddie has punched me in the nose. I'm running from the school bully with
blood running down my face to tattle on him. He's gonna get into trouble
this time.
I'm swept into other moments from Christopher's life. They are quick to
come and go in my head, from his earliest childhood to the young man he
became amongst the Blackfoot but in no particular order. I Live them all.
The faces of people whom I've known. Places. Voices fill my head in snatches
of conversation coming mostly from my parents but too, in Siksika with my
Indian lover. Too much to comprehend! I fear that my head is going to burst.
All night long, my former self Shows me the contents of his life and how
it ended when he nearly reached his eighteenth year. He hates Eli Kie for
prematurely ending his cycle. Yet Chris lives on in me. We are One.
My arms are pulled on. A bright light shines in my eyes while voices fill
my ears. Another memory? No. I think this is happening right now.
"Water..." I mutter. A cup is pressed against my lips and I greedily
drink from it.
"He's dehydrated," the doctor scolds.
"Is he well enough to attend court?"
"Maybe. His vital signs are strong but I'm concerned about his lack of
response. Mr. Yager? Can you hear me?"
"Yeah. Can I have some more water?"
My blurry eyesight clears enough for me to see where I am. That small
padded room. There's a doctor kneeling before me. He raises his right finger
and asks me to follow it with my eyes. I do so.
"How are you feeling?"
"Kinda foggy. Tired."
"I'm Doctor Milestone. Do you know where you are?"
"In a hell hole!"
"Can you stand up?"
With the man's help, I'm getting to my feet. They're wobbly under me.
A police officer hands me a Styrofoam cup. I glare at him, drinking the
water down that doesn't quench my anger. "They stuck me in this lunatic's
cell without anything to drink. Some guy taunted me from the speaker!
Please. Get me out of here!"
There's an uneasy silence for a moment. Dr. Milestone glares at the two
policemen who gently take hold of my arms.
"Where are they taking me?" I plead to the doctor.
"They're taking you to court, Mr. Yager."
I'm helped out of the room. My shoes are provided me so I sit over the
floor to put them on. Then I'm taken down the long hall to a door that's
buzzed open. Strength has returned to my legs. I shrug the officers' hands
off me and walk the rest of the way on my own.
I'm handcuffed. There's a blast of cold air that feels good against my
face. The two policemen help me into a van filled with three other prisoners.
I look out my window.
We're driven from the police station but not before I catch sight of a
crowd of people. Indians mostly, but a few white folk are shouting and
jerking signs in their raised hands. My eyesight is too blurry to make the
words out. I'm feeling sick to my stomach. It's from the van's motion,
especially when we take off from a stop light. I see cars. Part of me thinks
they look strange by not having horses pulling them in front. Oh, yeah. Gas
engines power them.
The van takes a sharp left turn. My motion sickness becomes overwhelming.
I wretch to the floor. That draws disgust from the other prisoners who shout
at the driver to open the windows. He doesn't, of course. I'm feeling faint.
My leaden head hangs over my chest and I black out...
I'm looking up at the moon. A slice of it has been eaten by the Sky Mouse.
That's what Pa told me when I was nine and askin' him why it didn't stay
round. I'm knowing better after Miss Perkins explained about phases. And it
sure ain't made of cheese! There are lots of things I'd been told wrong from
my Pa. It don't make me feel mad, just a mite sad that he's had to make up
stories to the things I asked him to explain. He hadn't much schooling. I'm
hoping to go to a university, God willing. My head hangs. That's really
gonna be up to Pa but I suspect what his objections would be. I've no
brothers to help him with the farming. My sister died when she was a babe.
No more kids have come to my parents even though I know they keep trying.
Part of me knows that I'm not dreaming. Yet more of Christopher's
memories are needing to be Lived. My head feels like an overly filled water
skin that'll burst. When is he gonna be done filling me up?
It's thundering and lightening really hard! I'm clutching Mama's skirt in
fear. Pa tells me that the stone giants are out tonight and making all that
racket in the clouds.
Most of the other kids are raising their hands. My head hangs in the hope
that Miss Perkins won't call on me. I don't know the answer.
"Tom?"
Relief fills me. He answers that difficult question correctly as I knew
he would. Tom is three years older than me and good with remembering names
and places in History. If it was a math problem, my hand would have shot
up. I'm really good with numbers.
Owopspec's smiling face is so filled with love for me. That's the last
thing I See when death comes for me. The connection between us fades. I
didn't know we were but always felt it from the way my lover knew my
thoughts.
:Owopspec!: I Cry out in my desperation for him to Hear my thoughts.
:Krist-o-fer? What has happened!:
The silvery cord that bound my spirit to flesh snaps. All worldly
concerns are cast aside when I take Flight. My first cycle is completed.
Another begins...
Someone shakes me awake. I return to my senses. There's something soft
against my back; a bed? I'm feeling the need to sleep but my head hurts too
much. A familiar voice calls out my name. The one I go by now.
"Mike?"
It's Mr. Talbert. I sit up and struggle against a fainting spell.
"I really need you to stay with me, Mike. Mike? Keep your eyes open!"
They're open but my sight is too blurry to make out where I am. Man! My
head really hurts. My hands stretch over the bed to support myself when I
swing my feet around to the floor.
"That's good. All I need you to do is get into court. You'll just sit
there while I do all the talking. It won't take long. The judge will set
bail and I'll take you home where you can sleep."
"Okay." My head is pounding.
"I've heard about what happened to you in jail. There was no cause for
them to place you in solitary confinement."
Anger fills me. I glare at the lawyer. "Some guy taunted me through the
speaker in that room!"
"Really. What did he say?"
"Oh. That I wasn't so tough. I'd been crying and he saw it from those
three cameras they have in the walls. I asked why they didn't put me back in
a regular cell 'cause I'd seen they had some empty ones. My first cell had a
guy in it. He was okay. That voice from the speaker said that they like to
keep their eyes on monsters. No place for me to run and hide."
"Okay, Mike. I'll see to it that that guardsman gets punished. Do you
know his name?"
"No. He could spy on me with them cameras but I couldn't see him. Only
hear his voice. This morning, a Doctor Milestone examined me. He said that I
suffered from dehydration. I was given water to drink. They don't have a
sink in that padded cell. Only a toilet. I know he was angry at the police.
You should ask him for a report."
"Dr. Milestone. Okay, I will. Mike. I'm going to need to have your
parent's names, addresses and phone numbers for the bail request."
I see a clipboard in Mr. Talbert's hands but my eyesight is too blurry to
make out the form.
"Just tell me and I'll write it down. Okay?"
"Yeah. My father's name is Joshua Walker..." I'm startled for a moment.
That was Christopher's Pa! "No. I mean, ah. Michael Yager, senior. My
mother's name is Linda Yager. They both live at..." I struggle to remember
my parent's address and phone number. Mr. Talbert writes it down. He asks
me how often I call them, if I'm in good relations with them and if I have
siblings. I give him my sister's name, address and phone number.
"I'll read this back to you, Mike..."
I'm nodding when he confirms the information. It's strange. I have two
sets of parents whom I'm able to recall vividly. Sadness fills me. Joshua
and Lythia are long dead. So too is my former self yet all that Chris was is
me now. All of his memories! It's like I'm seeing through two sets of eyes.
Seeing those cars had amazed part of myself. I knew they didn't need horses
to pull them down the road.
There's a knock on the door.
"Okay, Mike. Sign here."
I'm handed the clipboard and a pen. It's a struggle, but I manage to sign
my name (the one I go by now) where Mr. Talbert indicates. A concern comes
to me. "Are they going to be calling my parents? If they have to be told
about the trouble I'm in, it's better that it comes from me than the police."
"No, Mike. They'll only use this information should you run on bail."
More knocking is heard outside the door. Louder this time.
"They're ready for us in court."
I push off the bed and try balancing on my feet. Mr. Talbert helps me.
The door is opened. We're escorted by two uniformed men (not policemen) down
a hall that opens into a huge space. I'm led past several doors. A crowd of
Indians come into view. They silently raise their right hands. I look for
Jesse's face amongst them but my eyes are giving me trouble.
Four policemen stand guard before a large wooden door. It's opened for us
and we enter the court room. It's very crowded inside. Mr. Talbert rushes me
forward through a low swinging door and I'm set down in a chair before a
table. He sits down beside me.
"Are we ready now?" the judge asks.
"Yes, your Honor. My client is still recovering from his ordeal."
"Hmm. Very well. This is case number O-6649231. The People versus Mike
Yager," the judge drones. "The defendant is charged with three counts of
resisting arrest, flight from arrest, one count of theft and assault on a
police officer. How do you plead?"
"My client pleads not guilty, your Honor."
"Very well. Said plea is noted and defendant's request for bail will now
be considered."
"Your Honor?"
"Yes, Mr. Benton."
"We request that the defendant be remanded without bail."
I'm startled. Does that mean he's asking the judge to keep me in jail? I
thought I was going to be freed! A chorus of angry voices are heard from the
audience behind me.
"Quiet in the court!" the judge shouts. He bangs his gavel a few times
until things settle down. "On what basis do you make this request for denial
for bail, Mr. Benton?"
"The defendant is a flight risk." A pause. "Mr. Yager purchased an
airplane ticket the day after he was arrested by Lieutenant Scott Danielson
on April 16th."
Mr. Benton tosses a zerox onto our table that my lawyer picks up and
reads. Another copy is handed to the bailiff who in turn hands it to the
judge. There's a growing rumble coming from the audience.
"Quiet!" the judge warns.
Mr. Talbert gets to his feet. I lose sight of him when a sharp pain fills
my head right behind my eyes. It's like I'm sick or something with the flu.
I hear my lawyer talking.
"Your Honor? This print-out can only claim that someone purchased a
ticket by credit card on April 17th for air flight on the 18th..."
"Your Honor. It was purchased by the defendant," says Mr. Benton. "We've
confirmed his VISA card number and the ticket is reserved in the name of
Mike Yager. The destination is where he lives in Indianapolis, Indiana.
"He obviously didn't take the flight, your Honor." adds Mr. Talbert.
"Mr. Yager surrendered himself after Officer Eli Kie confronted him outside
the defendant's trailer. Lieutenant Danielson's claim of arrest on April
16th was bogus. That officer only visited with Mr. Yager to ask him some
questions and take evidence from him. There was no arrest."
"Your Honor. That's not true," says Mr. Benton. "After Lieutenant Scott
Danielson was assaulted by the defendant that put him in the hospital, he
made a bedside statement that the April 16th arrest had indeed occurred."
The prosecution is painting an ugly picture of me that makes me cringe.
My eyesight has cleared some. I see my lawyer taking a step closer to the
judge. There's anger heard in his voice.
"Your honor! I've checked the daily logs for Lieutenant Danielson. There
is no mention of the defendant evading arrest on April 16th. There was no
subsequent action taken by Lieutenant Danielson to issue a warrant against
the defendant for his so called flight from arrest. It did not happen!
Lieutenant Danielson only visited with the defendant on that date to take
Ron Earlman's diary from him. I find it disturbing that Lieutenant Danielson
didn't mention taking evidence to Mr. Earlman's murder investigation from
the defendant in his daily log."
"Your Honor. Hah. Be that what it may, I have a sworn statement from
Officer Eli Kie that the defendant took flight from his arrest on April 19th
with the assistance of Officer Hawk-swooping-down, a Chinook Policeman..."
Angry shouts are heard from the audience. The judge bangs his gavel down
a few times.
"...who by allowing the defendant to flee, Lieutenant Danielson was
brutally assaulted by the defendant when he resisted that officer's arrest!"
I get to my feet and shout, "Danielson rushed out of Jesse's house with
his gun pointed at him! I had to prevent my friend from getting shot!"
The court room explodes. Just like my head. The pain is really bad so I
drop back down to my chair. Pound... pound... pound. Oh. That's the judge
banging away with his gavel. I hear him threatening to clear everyone out if
order isn't restored in his court room. Almost as quickly as the outbursts
began, they subside. The following quiet is eerie. I'm feeling faint.
"I won't tolerate disorder in my court room," the judge warns in a low
angry voice.
There's the sound of boots against the carpet and gasps coming from the
audience. I turn my aching head to see what's going on. A line of six
policemen have taken positions in the center isle.
"Out!" the judge orders.
The police officers are about to clear the room. Fear stabs me. I hear
the angry rumblings from Indians who aren't going to be removed without a
fight. My head turns back to the judge. He alone has the power to prevent
war from breaking out. "I'm sorry for my outburst, your Honor." He glances
at me then points his finger at the men standing in the center isle.
"I mean you, the Havre Police Officers! How dare you enter my court room
with firearms!? I didn't ask for your assistance. Now, get out!"
Relief fills me. I hear similar sighs coming from the audience. We watch
the cowed policemen file out of the room. I'm looking for Jesse's face
amongst the Indians sitting in the pews. I can't find him. Is he even here?
'Jes-ee-ah?' I think. There's a sense of something wrong with my head, that
my plea to him was kept from flying like a wingless bird.
"Your Honor," says Mr. Benton. "If I may continue..."
"Shh!" the judge scolds. "Don't you think you've enflamed the situation
enough already? I've reviewed ALL the reports to this case thanks to your
distinguished colleague, Mr. Talbert who provided them when you failed to do
so. There is no good cause for me to deny bail to the defendant."
"Your Honor. Bail should be set at $500,000 in light of his brutal attack
on a police officer and flight from arrest..."
"This is my court, Mr. Benton! I'm setting the defendant's bail at
$50,000." He strikes the gavel once.
Cheering is heard from the audience. I'm half expecting the judge to
shout for quiet and some more banging of his gavel but he doesn't. My lawyer
grabs hold of my arm. I turn to the Indians and raise my right hand to them
in a victory gesture. They return my gesture with a solemn silence that
takes me by surprise. A surge of power goes through me. It is thrilling.
Mr. Talbert leads me to the bailiff's desk. He pulls out a check and
fills out an amount. I notice that it had already been signed. My eyes
aren't clear enough for me to make out the signature. Probably Elder
Quiet-before-the-dawn's. I don't know... I don't care! I'm going to be set
free. I'm really needing sleep after all of this.
I'm given something from the bailiff to sign. My lawyer nods his head so
I do so, not knowing what the paper says. The bailiff sets it aside. He
refers to a clipboard and announces the next case number and someone's name.
I turn to the emptying court room. A black man comes down the isle with a
well-dressed man (his lawyer?) taking their positions at the table.
"Come on Mike," whispers Mr. Talbert.
I'm getting wobbly over my feet. The excitement has passed, leaving me
feeling week and I fight against a fainting spell. My lawyer takes hold of
my arm. We leave the court room through a side door. I'm still blurry eyed.
That comes from a lack of sleep when Living through all of Christopher's
memories. I feel that change in me. Anguish fills my heart. Jesse will too.
We've come outside though I can't recall walking through the court
building. Mr. Talbert's hand is tight around my arm. I'm turning to him when
a high-pitched voice calls out to me. It's Jesse. I fall into his
outstretching arms.
"Mike! Are you okay? Mom's here to take us home."
Jesse holds me really tight. My hands remain at my sides instead of
completing our embrace. That's when I realize how deep that change is in me.
It pains my heart.
"Mike. I'll see you tomorrow to sign statements. You rest up."
I'm turning my face from Jesse's shoulder to catch sight of my lawyer.
"Okay. And thanks for everything." The man nods. A group of Indians is seen
behind him on the court steps. I pull from Jesse so they won't think bad
about us. Winna whispers something to her son. I couldn't make out some of
her Siksika words. She leaves us to go get her pickup truck, I suspect.
My legs fold up under me, forcing me to sit down all of a sudden. Jesse
sits on the step beside me. I peer at his face full of worry that reveals
more than his concern for my weak condition. Does he know?
People are walking past us. Indians and some white folk. They offer me
condolences, wishes for luck while some only smile. I nod at their kindness.
Jesse catches my eyes that forces me to look at him. He's silent. I've seen
that Look in him before when we're Sending thoughts. I'm not Hearing his.
I start trembling. Not just from the cold. Jesse pulls his jacket off
and puts it around me. I'm sensing his need to touch me and almost, our
hands come together before I slip it through the jacket's sleeve. He looks
around. There's still people about who could see us.
"Mike? What is ... ?"
I couldn't catch Jesse's last word. It was so softly spoken and, well,
not sounding right. "I'm so tired. Eh. Has your mom's heart settled on
taking me to your house after all these bad troubles I am in?"
Jesse reverts into old Siksika. "Grandfather has told her."
His eyes flare and I realize what he meant. Before I can ask if she's
feeling okay about us, a tall Indian drops to his knees at my side. He's in
uniform. I recognize him with a grin. It's Corn-stalk-at-harvest.
"The battle is ..."
I'm nodding though I didn't catch his last word. "I offer you thanks for
escorting Mr. Talbert and me to the police station. Sadly, the fight is only
delayed to the melee of words that the white People use as their weapons."
"Mike. I didn't catch all that. You sounded like my grandfather."
He'd asked me that in English. I notice the look Corn-stalk-at-harvest is
giving Jesse. "Thanks for standing with me in the police station. Both you
and Dry-to-foot-in-grass."
"We wish you luck in the upcoming battle."
"Thank you." Corn-stalk-at-harvest gets to his feet. I watch him walk to
the street and get into his patrol car.
"Mike?"
I turn to Jesse. He shows puzzlement on his face.
"Why did you speak in old Siksika to him?"
That's when I realize what happened. Why I couldn't understand all of
Winna's words and that police officer's. I've spoken as Christopher would
but his words aren't modern Blackfoot. My Connection to Jesse has been
confounded. I can still Feel him but not draw on his memories to speak right.
A brown pickup pulls up to the curb. I'm helped to my feet.
Jesse opens the passenger side door. He goes in first with me following.
Winna looks ahead before stepping on the gas. My stomach feels queasy. I'm
pressing my lips tight together in case I retch. Stars flash at the edge of
my sight. My face burns. I'm feeling faint so I drop my head to Jesse's
right shoulder. His arm comes around me.
I'm struggling to keep conscious. When my eyes open, the sharp pain
behind them forces me to shut them. I hear honking. "What's going on?"
"It's a victory procession. My People are following us home."
I grimace. I'm in no condition to face them at Winna's house if they
expect me to make a speech or join them in celebrating. The pain!
"Mike. Jail was really bad, huh?"
I'm nodding against his shoulder. "Something happened to me..." I can't
tell Jesse what that was. The change in me. I'm still suffering from it and
need some time to sort everything out.
"I am sorry, Mike!"
"Not your fault," I mutter. "Need to sleep."
"Let him ..., Jes-ee-ah."
I hear Winna scolding her son. A sharp left turn is taken that hurts my
stomach. I've buried my face in Jesse's shoulder to hide my pain from him.
The sickness I'm feeling in my stomach, head and in my heart.
The truck comes to a stop. It's a long moment before my door is opened
and Winna helps me out. Jesse holds me up during our walk to the house. My
head is pounding. I'm made aware of another pain and ask Jesse to take me
to the bathroom.
I sit on the pot. Jesse is kneeled between my feet, his soft head
pressed against my knee. I'm pissing. My shaken body is settling down after
our ride. Even my head is clearing. I sniff myself. A bath would help relax
me enough so I can get to sleep.
"I can wash you, Mike."
"I'd like that." Jesse Heard my thoughts, or maybe he realized that I
needed a bath after sniffing myself. We peer at each other. I'm trying to
Hear what he's thinking but nothing comes through. Only a sense of how he's
feeling - concern. It aches me that we've lost part of our special bond.
"You're really tired, Mike. That's all it is. Let me give you a warm bath
and put you to bed. I know you'll feel better in the morning."
So. Jesse can still Hear what I'm thinking. Maybe he's right about me
just being too tired and all. He helps undress me. I see him removing his
shirt and wonder if he's going to join me in the tub.
Jesse runs the water. Not too hot. He's kneeling on the other side of
the tub with the rest of his clothes on. Soap is brought against my arms,
chest, my stomach and lower over me so I spread my legs. He loses his grip.
I find the bar of soap in the tub and hand it back to him.
I'm hunching forward so Jesse can wash my back. His hands feel good.
Water is splashed over my hair. It's washed with shampoo. Rinsed. He hasn't
spoken a word during my bathing. That's kind of a relief. I'm not ready to
tell him what's happened to me in jail. Living Christopher's memories.
The dirty water is emptying from the tub. Jesse hands me a razor. I soap
up my lower face and make short downwards strokes. It stings. I've quite a
growth of hair that has me realizing that I've not shaved for days. Jesse's
fingers rub over a place I've missed.
After rinsing my face, Jesse runs another bath for me. I lay back to
enjoy a long soak. I'm feeling better. My head doesn't pound anymore but I
can sense something wrong. It's like I'm stunned. When I try thinking about
things my thoughts can't stay focused. My eyes close. I'm so tired but
sleep won't come to me and I shouldn't whilst in the tub even though Ma
would keep me from slipping under the water. No. I mean Owopspec. I'm
shaking my head when seeing that it's Jesse and scold myself. Man! I am
really out of it.
There's a knock at the bathroom door. Jesse tells his mom it's okay to
come in. My hands cover myself down there. I hear the door closing.
"She didn't peek. I gave her your clothes so she can wash them."
"Thanks." Jesse opens the drain but I lie in the tub until the water has
completely emptied. Then he's helping me out. Our eyes meet. I see his
guarded face and that aches my heart by what that could mean. Does he
suspect that I'm no longer that person he loved? Tears sting my eyes.
After drying me with a towel, Jesse wraps my midsection with it and
helps me through the house. I could have walked on my own but I didn't want
to push him away. We enter his room. The covers are drawn before I get into
bed. He joins me. I'm laying on my back, staring up at the ceiling like I'd
been doing in my jail cell. My right hand is grasped.
I'm sensing Jesse's need to talk about it. His hand squeezes mine but
nothing comes from his mouth or from his head. I know he can still Read my
thoughts. I'm not thinking about anything. Just so tired but I can't sleep!
A feeling of warmth flows into my being. My eyes close. A few easy
breaths are taken. Sleep comes.
I come awake. The dull glow of morning fills this room. A square walled
room like I had in the house of my birth. Seems like such a long time ago. A
stretch of black hair runs across my chest. His brown arm is beside it. I
breathe in deeply, content that my lover has slept with me. The ground is
too soft though. Where are the rounded walls to our tipi? The smell of this
place is wrong. I realize with a start that this isn't Owopspec in my arms.
No. That warrior is trapped inside the body of this Indian youth like
Chris had been inside me. He, ah... us are as one. I can recall everything
that he's done as if I'd actually done them. I'm amazed by how much he
lived in that short period of his life. His last three years with the
Blackfoot were his most exciting times and the most fulfilling. How he
loved! Oh, it aches me that Owopspec is dead! I've learned about his
suffering after I was gone and his sacrifice to the People but now, we'll
be together again.
I stroke Jesse's soft head. His face rests over my breast, turned away
from me. Part of me loves him so much! My another self pines for his lost
lover, the man he was that could be made to come out. No! We don't want
that. Chris knows what he's done to me. That change. He was eight years
younger than me so I wasn't overwhelmed from our Merging. Jes-ee-ah would be
if they were to.
My eyes shut tight in anguish. I don't want what's happened to me to
happen to Jesse! He deserves his life. I've changed. Will he still love who
I have become?
:Yes. I'll always love you!:
Jesse turns to face me. I peer deep in his eyes for signs that shaman
Good-eyes is staring back at me.
:I'm keeping him away.:
A pained look comes from Jesse. He shuts his eyes while I sense the
inner struggle that he endures. Anger fills me. My mouth opens with words
coming from Christopher. "Owopspec. Do not take over this youth's life! It
is his. If I see you peering out, I will despise you! Hate you! Hear my vow.
I swear unto our Father that I'll turn away and never see you again!"
:Mike!:
Tears fill my eyes. :I wasn't yelling at you, Jes-ee-ah. That came from
Chris in warning to his lover.:
Jesse peers at me. I see no more pain in them. His worry has flown. The
Indian youth that I've fallen in love with remains. For now.
:I love you, Short Hair.:
He doesn't realize what's happened to me? I have to break eye contact and
my thoughts are kept from his. Jesse rushes on top of me. He grasps both
sides of my head and peers down at me. I close my eyes to hide my fear.
"You are still the man I love!" says Jesse.
I'm shaking my head. "No. I'm not! I couldn't hold him back..." Jesse
kisses me. A flood of emotion pours through our bond that soothes my doubts
about us. Another kiss. His hands keep my face pressed against his in a
hungry display of passion. I'm giving into it. :Jesse? I still love you.:
:I've never doubted that, Short Hair. Not ever. Make love to me?:
My arms slip around Jesse's back. He's so slim in my hands. Not like
Owopspec's strong body Chris had enjoyed every night in their tipi. Anger
fills me. I am Mike! This is my lover who needs me to be with him. I need
him too. There's no denying my former self as he has become me in all
things. We come to an understanding though. This is my life now.
I'm drowning in Jesse's frantic kisses. He sticks his tongue in my mouth
and I suck on it. His wild body tries being one with mine. I feel his male
excitement. My left hand tugs on his underwear. He lifts himself slightly to
let me pull them down then our bodies meet in bared warmth. I breathe in
sharply. His dick stabs against mine with nice thrills. I'm thrusting back.
He wants me to hold his butt so I eagerly do so, pulling over him there to
set love's urgent rhythm between us. Wonderful kisses! At this moment, our
thoughts utterly join in the bliss of spiritual bonding. We are One.
I'm struggling for breath. Jesse pants against my neck. I share in his
male relief. We've come out already?
:Yes, love. I Pulled you to me so close like when we did it on the floor
in your trailer. Remember? I'm sorry you didn't feel the joy from it.:
:No. Don't be! I'm glad that our connection hasn't changed even though...
I have.: Jesse slips down to my side. I turn to face him, our eyes meeting
with an understanding that needs no words or thoughts. My lips reach over
to his. We kiss. Gently. I peer into the depth of my lover's soul while he
Looks into mine. Jesse accepts what's happened to me. To him, it makes no
difference. Tears of relief fill my eyes. He holds me really close and won't
ever let go.
I come out of my light sleep. Jesse smiles, his shy eyes proving that
he's been looking at me the whole time. My fingers straighten out a tangle
over his left cheek. I notice the bundle tied to his neck.
:Let me return it to you, love.:
Jesse lifts the thong over his head and I help him get it through his
long hair. There's no feather secured to the thong.
:Grandfather made me one to hold the eagle feather.:
I Sense Jesse's doubt that he should keep it. :I gave it to you. Wear it
as the proud warrior you are!: I'm given the small bundle holding our two
rings. The thong is slipped over my head. My lover gently grasps the bundle
in his hand when pulling it down to my chest. I'm nodding in understanding.
This represents our future to be opened at the proper moment as the outward
sign of our partnership. I realize the importance of symbolism. The People
want and need to see such things. They cannot See inside us to really know.
Owopspec should have done something like that with Christopher. The
People knew they were lovers but without a formal ceremony by their shaman
or seeing them wear bonding symbols such as rings, that put doubt in the
tribe that it was a good thing. The couple themselves seemed shamed by it.
I'm not ashamed to have this man as my lover! It doesn't matter if others
accept how we feel for each other or not. We are together. But I realize
that we must live in their world. That bundle's spirit has Passed into us.
We're Geased to bring a truth to the People that those like us are good,
able to love and live our lives in harmony with everyone else.
:Yes, love. Grandfather said you would know when.:
:I hope to perform the ring ceremony with you soon! We have given of
ourselves to each other. My heart is yours and I have your heart. We're one
spirit... even though I'm not the same person.:
:Silly! Don't think that, love. Nothing that you are was taken away.
Don't you see? You have joined with your former self and that's given you
the wisdom of two lives.:
Fear comes to me. :Don't you be thinking of Merging with your former
self! That old man would overwhelm who you are. The Jesse whom I love...
Gone.:
:I know. I'm able to resist him.:
:But for how long?: I'm really afraid for Jesse.
:I'll ask grandfather for his help.:
:Do it soon! It just happened to me all of a sudden and I couldn't...:
"Shh!"
I'm taken back by that. Jesse holds his right hand over his forehead.
A gesture to stop Thinking to each other.
"Short Hair. Will you let me teach you something?"
"Sure." I'm sensing a blocking to our thoughts. Jesse has done this.
I've learned this trick too so he can't Read what I'm thinking at times. Oh.
He wants to teach me something?
"We have been Seeing into each other but not enjoying the beauty of our
outer selves. You listen a lot to your head, Mike. I want to remind you to
listen to your heart as well."
"I love you with my heart!"
"Yes. What I mean is that we should use our plain eyes to see. No Seeing
into each other all the time. When we've made love earlier, I strengthened
our bond for a spiritual joining but our bodies were denied. There's no
shame in enjoying ourselves that way too."
"Okay. What do you want me to do?" Jesse smiles slyly. He pulls down the
covers to reveal his complete nudity. My eyes roam down his slim brown chest
and get stuck on his dick. It's sleeping. His knob's outline is seen within
his foreskin and I get the urge to free it. Maybe with my mouth.
I peer at Jesse's face with a little embarrassment. He shows no sign of
knowing my thoughts. Oh. We've been blocking them. His eyes are low on me.
I look down at myself. My dick is sleeping over my balls. I don't have a
foreskin to protect my knob.
Jesse's head leans over to me. He presses his face into the fine hair
covering my chest and playfully mouths them. It's a very sensual feeling.
He kisses down to my wet belly, sucking over it. Kinda ticklish! His lips go
lower until I feel him swallowing my dick. I'm gasping from the sensation.
It's getting hard.
I'm surprised when Jesse stops sucking on me. He lays over his back,
waiting for me to do something with his body? I eagerly go to him. My lips
close on his right tit. I'm sucking on it until there's a stiffening. His
other tit is mouthed. He moans. I kiss down his smooth chest and smell the
sweetness to his belly. Our cum anoints him there. My mouth goes lower. His
dick is getting hard but still, his knob is tucked within his foreskin. I
eagerly swallow it. My head makes a bobbing motion. That frees his knob in
my mouth that I feel over with my tongue. More moaning from my lover.
Jesse begins squirming under me. I know that sucking is too intense for
him to enjoy. Ron only managed to release his dick once from doing that.
Owopspec liked drinking my sperm. Ah, I mean Christopher's. They could suck
each other towards climax but would rather do that in each other's butt.
I'd like to in Jesse's cute little ass!
As if knowing my thoughts, my lover turns around. I squat over his legs
with his little butt sticking up towards me. My mouth goes down to it. Ahh!
What a nice brown ass. I'm kissing over his curves, breathing in his bodily
smell that gets my dick really stiff and aching. My tongue darts between his
cheeks. Jesse moans when I stick into his hole. I'm breathing it all in.
His manly musk scent enflames me to stick in him but I hold myself back.
I want to enjoy rimming him some more, get spit inside so my cock won't hurt
him so much. His butt is small like Wind-go-through-his-hair's but unlike
that youth, I can conquer this one.
My hands pull Jesse's cheeks apart. I'm looking at a small brown hole.
It amazes me that he can take my big cock in there. My breaths tremble with
lust. I stick my face in his butt and tongue him really deep. He moans.
From Chris, I know how good that feels and helped relax his butt before
Owopspec's mighty thrusts inside him. Spit is put into Jesse. I pull back a
moment for a breath. My bites cover both his brown cheeks. Man! I want to
fuck his ass.
Once more, I plunge into the depths of my lover's tight hole with my
tongue slipping as far as it can go. Spit is put in him. His anal passage is
slippery enough now. I rush to get my cock inside. My pink knob presses
against his asshole. Goes in! With a lusty sigh, I'm pushing through
Jesse's slimy tightness until my groin hair runs up against his cheeks. My
hands take hold of his slim shoulders. I'm about to fuck him yet I wait a
moment so that he can get used to my penetration. Does it hurt him at all?
"No, Mike. I love feeling our bodies sticking together. Do me good!"
I'm smiling to myself. Owopspec liked having his butt brutally used. The
needing men of his tribe often did but Chris made love to his brave gently.
That's how I want to express my love for this Indian youth.
I drop my full weight over Jesse's back. My butt flexes when driving my
cock all the way through his asshole. He cries out. In pain? No. He loves
feeling me all the way inside him. My hands surge over his shoulders. I
drive myself in and out of my lover's butt in my effort to spill my love
into him. He wants me to. My face presses into his long hair that denies
me access to his neck. Not to bite him. Owopspec was always doing that to
Chris. No. I want to tenderly kiss my lover while my cock enjoys his ass.
It's feeling so good. Jesse lifts his butt from the bed when I'm stabbing
back inside him. I can get in really deep that way. He's also doing wonderful
things with his asshole. A tight clenching when I'm pulling out and that
makes me growl like a hungry bear!
I hear the bed squeaking under us. I'm looking towards the door and fear
that his mom might hear us fucking. Guilt fills me. I don't want Winna to
think badly of me for what I'm doing to her son.
"What's wrong, Mike?"
I return to fucking Jesse but at a slower pace. "Ah. Your mom might, you
know, hear what we're doing so..."
"Silly! She's still sleeping. My mom knows that we're going to be doing
it. How do you think I was brought into the world?"
"That's different. Your father and her..."
"... fucked so you stick into a guy's butt instead of a girl's opening.
No big deal. Come on, Mike. Finish it so then I'll get my turn."
Jesse wants to fuck my butt? I'm opening my thoughts to his but I can
only read utter lust from my lover. His strong desire to pleasure me and win
my sperm in him. I really want to give it to him! My harsh stabs continue.
I'm feeling close to release so I keep my dick very deep in him. My balls
tingle in warning. A cry escapes my lips! I'm gushing up his asshole. Ahhh.
"I feel it, Mike!"
Jesse said that pretty loud. If his mom is awake... An overwhelming
feeling of exhaustion comes over me. I drop to my lover's back. Panting.
His hair is pulled into my mouth. I turn my face sideways to breathe in air.
"You feel really good. Huh, Short Hair?"
"Yes, Jes-ee-ahhhh..." I rest over my lover for a while. My male relief
is very sweet. I'm realizing something. By not Sharing our thoughts, I can
fully enjoy his body. He couldn't block his feelings from me though.
When my breaths return to normal, I slowly pull myself out of his butt.
My cock bears no stain over it. I'm curious to see what a fucked asshole
looks like so my hands spread Jesse's cheeks. His brown hole opens. I
breathe in sharply to see my thick white cum filling it. It's hard to
describe what I'm feeling at this moment. A total sense of manly completion?
Awe? My satisfaction for leaving a part of my life in my lover's body? I
close his butt like a treasure chest and lock it with a kiss to each cheek.
"Jesse?"
"I know. It's wonderful how we can mate even though we're both guys."
"Yeah." With a trembling breath, I slip from Jesse's sweated back to lay
on my right side. He turns to me. What a fierce expression on his face! I
drop to my stomach with some trepidation waiting for him to lay over me.
There's movement over the bed. A heavy warmth presses down on my butt
that I realize is Jesse sitting on me. His hands go to my upper back in a
massage. It feels good. I'm tickled when his fingers pull over my body
hair. My cheeks tighten. He resumes palming my back, a gentle pressing over
my shoulder blades, spine and lower back. There's a pause. I'm smiling when
my lover reaches down to mouth over my skin. He goes back to massaging me
but plants kisses on different parts of me every so often.
I'm feeling very relaxed. Jesse is taking his time with massaging me so
I try not to think about what this is leading to. I've never been fucked
before. Chris has. So many times has his butt been given to Owopspec that
he lost count. My head is quick to calculate that it could be close to a
thousand. They did it every night (and also on some mornings) during the
nearly three years that they were together. I'm scolding myself. Their love
wasn't just to have sex all the time. His Indian brave taught him the many
skills any Blackfoot youth needed to learn when becoming a man. Chris
learned quickly, even how to speak Siksika. Their days together were quite
joyous. If only the tribe could have accepted that they were a couple. I
won't be making that same mistake with Jesse by proving to the People that
what we have together is a good thing.
I'm startled when my cheeks are spread. Jesse is looking at my asshole.
He doesn't lean down to stick his tongue in or kiss over my butt. Does he
still want to fuck me? I know he's never performed as a man so I'm really
wanting him to do that with me. It's something Ron never did with him. That
makes me glad. We're lovers so by putting seed into each other, it affirms
this. I prepare myself to be taken.
Jesse tenses up above me. I open my eyes and try turning my head around
to see what's wrong. The door to our bedroom is closed. No spying mother.
I hear the telephone ringing. That's what concerns my lover.
"Let's get dressed, Mike. Hurry."
Jesse rolls over the bed until he's at the far end. He reaches down for
some clothes. I'm handed my pants, shirt, socks and underwear. They've been
cleaned and folded. He lifts his long legs from the floor and struggles with
slipping on his pants. I spot his underwear lying in the middle of our bed.
"Don't worry about that. Get dressed, Mike."
I shrug my shoulders in dismay. He has a wet butt that could seep through
the rear of his pants. I'm pulling up my underwear when there's a loud knock
heard at the front door. It's an angry sound. A cold chill runs down my
spine. I rush with getting my pants and shirt on. Jesse is heading for the
bedroom door when I'm pulling up my socks. "Wait for me!"
I hear Winna speaking to him in the hall. I'm running to join them.
There's such fear on the woman's face that is reflected on her son's face.
I'm about to ask what's wrong when Jesse Thinks to me.
:There's two Havre police officers banging on our door. One-white-horse
just telephoned to warn my mom about them.:
:They're coming for you!: Jesse cringes at his mother's side. Winna
wraps her arms around her son and I can see the determination in this
woman's eyes not to let them take him. There's more knocking. I hear a
muffled voice coming through the front door.
"... police officers. Open the door!"
I run down the hall past the kitchen. I'm looking back over my shoulder
and see that I'm alone. Relief fills me. Jesse has stayed with his mom. I
tip toe towards the front door. Another voice is heard.
"Why have you come here? Go. Leave them in peace!"
That was One-white-horse's angry voice directed at the policemen. I'm
really needing to open the door to prevent a confrontation from breaking out
between them. I spot my shoes next to my laptop bag. They're quickly put on.
With much trepidation, I unlock the front door and open it.
Two officers are standing on the doorstep. A tall black man accompanied
by a white man in distinctive Havre Police Department uniforms.
"Mr. Yager? Come with us, please."
"Why are you taking him?" demands One-white-horse.
I spot the Indian standing two paces behind the officers. He's waving
something in his right hand. Relief fills me. It's only a cell phone. The
white officer turns to address him.
"Don't interfere with police business," he warns.
I note this officer's name plate pinned to his uniform: 'Officer Miles'.
The black man's name is 'Officer Planter'. One-white-horse takes a step
closer. I see the determination in his eyes to get an answer. I'm quickly
lifting my right hand to stop him. In Siksika, "Be at peace, brother. I'll
go with them so stay with Jes-ee-ah to protect him per your vow."
The Indian acknowledges me with a sad nod. I don't want to go with these
policemen but rather they take me instead of Jesse.
"Okay. I'll go with you." I'm closing the door behind me. Officer Miles
turns and starts walking to the driveway. I follow him while the other
policeman remains behind me. One-white-horse comes to my side. He grasps my
wrist and I see such a look in his eyes. I'm startled. I've Heard something
from him in my head! Not in words, but I know that he'll stay at the house
while another Indian will follow me.
:What's going on, Mike?:
:Two policemen are taking me to their patrol car. They didn't want you.
One-white-horse asked them what they wanted with me and it looked like a
fight was going to break out. I agreed to go with them to prevent that. The
officers' names are Miles and Planter. Call my lawyer.:
:I don't have his number. Be careful, Mike!:
:I will. Ask Running Water. He has to know how to reach Mr. Talbert. Oh.
Your uncle Thought to me - that another Indian is going to follow to make
sure that they're taking me to the police station while he stays behind to
watch over you.:
:Really? I hope they're not taking you back to jail.:
:Me too. They didn't handcuff me so I don't think so. Stay in the house!:
I've Felt that Jesse wanted to see that I'm alright. His mother is keeping
a tight hold of him.
Officer Miles opens the rear right door to his patrol car. I get in. I'm
looking out the window at One-white-horse. He's talking on his cell phone.
The policemen close their doors with bang. Officer Planter says some codes
into a microphone that's acknowledged through the radio. The car backs down
the driveway and turns in the street towards my trailer park. I spot a white
pickup truck parked out front. No one is inside it.
The patrol car takes off. No sirens are blaring. Maybe I'm only being
taken for questioning. I don't know. I'm feeling really scared. Please! I
don't want to be taken back to the fort. So many Blackfoot were killed by
the soldiers but by taking me back, maybe they'll stop their attacks.
I'm violently shaking my head to rid myself of Christopher's thoughts.
I am Mike! Mike Yager. These blue uniformed men aren't soldiers but
policemen who are driving me to the station (I hope).
Officer Planter turns to look at me. No. He's looking past me and his
eyes widen with concern. Something is whispered to his companion. I caught
the word 'followed'. I'm tempted to turn and look out the rear window to
see if One-white-horse's companion is giving chase but I keep my eyes
forward. Officer Miles steps on the gas. I hear the car's siren and see its
lights flashing in the windows. I'm turning to look behind us. There's a
black pickup truck keeping up with us even when our car speeds through
red lights.
"Why did you come for me?" My voice wasn't more than a squeak but at
least I managed enough courage to ask that.
"You'll find out. Sit tight, Mr. Yager."
A few sharp turns are taken that forces me to grip the edge of my seat.
The car slows down. I look out my window and see a familiar brick building.
Dread fills me. This is where Mr. Talbert had surrendered me a few days ago.
God! I hope that I'm not being taken back to jail.
Officer Planter opens my door. I slowly get out and look towards the
street. A black pickup is pulling up to the curb. It's being driven by an
Indian. Officer Miles slams his door and starts walking to that vehicle.
Does he intend to arrest him for chasing after us? I don't want that Indian
to get in trouble so a quick plan comes to me.
"Let's go!" I ask Officer Planter. I'm running past him and leap up two
stairs at a time to the station's front door. He calls out to the other
officer in alarm. They both give chase. I reach the entrance. The black man
takes hold of my right shoulder. Really tight. I'm turning to glare at him.
Officer Miles opens the door, giving me an angry gesture to go inside. My
plan has worked! but I'm left to face what is to come.
I'm led to the counter. That same policeman I'd seen two days ago picks
up a phone while glaring at me. It's like he knows everything that's going
on in the station and I can tell that he knows who I am. Officer Miles waves
to another officer passing by. A long blond-haired woman holding a cup of
coffee. She ignores him but gives me a once over that makes my skin crawl.
A young man wearing a dress shirt and a tie approaches us. He's not
wearing a police jacket but from his blue pants, I realize that he is an
officer. He address me.
"I'm Detective Peterson. Ah, will you come with me, Mr. Yager?"
"One of his Indian friends followed us," says Officer Miles.
"Yeah?" His face becomes serious. "Don't worry about it."
The two policemen are left behind when the detective leads me through a
large room filled with desks manned by officers. I'm relieved that he
didn't take me to that buzzing door. That's where Officer Weston had taken
me to jail. I don't know what's going on. By now, Jesse should have
reached my lawyer so I hope that he'll be coming to get me out of this.
"Hey, Mike."
We're both turning to a secretary who holds out a folder in her hand. The
detective takes it from her. Peterson's first name is the same as mine. Hmm.
I wait while he skims through the pages. Is there anything in them about me?
"Okay. This is what I needed. Thanks. Oh. Can you pull the squibs on this
case for me as well?"
"Sure, Mike."
"You're great!" The detective returns the folder to his secretary. I'm
feeling a bit more at ease. Maybe Peterson is going to tell me that the
judge has dropped the charges against me or something. At least I'm not
going to jail.
"This way, Mr. Yager."
The detective points to a conference room. I head there and see another
officer standing in front of the door. He's an older guy in full uniform
with gold stripes across both his shoulders. I think he's a detective too
but of higher rank. Before I can look at his name plate, I catch the angry
expression on his face. That really worries me.
"Let's go inside, Mr. Yager."
I see this man's name pinned to his uniform. Another Danielson? Oh. Could
he be the older brother to that officer I attacked outside Jesse's house? A
cold chill runs down my spine. His face looks similar. I'm gently nudged by
Detective Peterson to go into the conference room. A chair at the end of
the table is pointed out to me. I sit down. Peterson takes a chair on my
left side while Danielson (senior?) remains standing at the far end.
For a long moment, Lieutenant Danielson just glares at me. I turn to
Detective Peterson who pushes the end down to a pen he's holding. A yellow
pad is on the table before him. He won't meet my eyes.
"Mr. Yager. Where were you last night?"
I'm about to blurt out that I'd been asleep at Jesse's house. Instead, I
ask, "You've brought me here for questioning?" The grim man nods. I'm
clearing my throat. "Ah. I have to have my attorney present for that."
The lieutenant glares at me some more. I'm squirming in my seat.
"Lieutenant Scott Danielson was murdered last night."
I'm gasping with surprise. "You think I had something to do with that?"
"You tell me or was it one of your Indian friends?"
I keep my mouth shut. There's a pained look in the lieutenant's eyes.
Anger quickly returns to his face.
"He was found in his hospital bed with a flint blade stuck in his throat.
My brother had no chance to defend himself. The medication they gave him for
the pain you put him in, Mister Yager." The man growls in his throat.
"I am sorry for your loss, Sir. But. I'm unable to answer any questions
without my lawyer present."
"Then I'll have to bring your friend in for questioning, a Jesse
Looks-from-mountain."
I'm really scared. "He was with me all last night! You'll anger the
Blackfoot Nation if you do that. He's the shaman's chosen grandson." The
lieutenant doesn't react to what I've said but I get a sense that he doesn't
want to risk enflaming the situation by carrying out his threat.
"War is going to break out in the community over this, Mr. Yager. Like it
was a hundred fifty years ago between us and the Indians. Do you want that?
Tell me if you know anything about his murder."
"I don't know anything." The lieutenant studies my face for a long moment
to glean if I'm lying. I understand how this man is feeling for his loss but
I'm getting mad by the way I was dragged here and accused of killing his
brother. In a small voice, "Are you placing me under arrest?"
"Not at this time."
"Then I demand that you release me." Detective Peterson glances at me
then he looks to Danielson who has his arms crossed over his chest.
"Alright, Mr. Yager. You are free to go but remember this. I know where
to find you."
I'm out of my chair and reach the door before answering, "Yeah. But do
you know where to find Officer Eli Kie?"
Detective Peterson follows me out of the room. He helps me find my way
through the mazes of desks until we come to the front counter. After looking
around for a moment, the man whispers to me.
"Mike. You have to understand what's going on here. He lost a brother.
The bad feelings in the force towards you and the Blackfoot is going to
escalate. War is a real possibility. If you know who did this, bringing that
man to justice will prevent that."
I turn to the detective. "I'm sorry. I can't tell you anything."
"What did you mean back there about Eli Kie?"
I'm staring at this man for a long moment. His face reveals concern and
I think he's been honest about what he's told me. "Find out what you can
about that man. Dig deep into his past. All this trouble began with him."
"Alright."
The detective hands me his business card. I'm quickly pocketing it.
"Call my cell phone number, Mike. If you want to talk."
I'm about to answer that my lawyer would advise me against that but
there's something in this man's eyes that plead with me. I nod my head.
I head for the front door to make good my escape. I'll be glad to get out
of here. I'm nearly running down the steps when I spot Mr. Talbert on the
curb. He's talking to an Indian standing in front of a black pickup truck.
I rush to them. I'm raising my right hand in greeting to the Indian. He's
young like One-white-horse and likely is his cousin or related kin.
In Siksika, "I thank you for following my trail to this place."
"Grandfather asked my brother and I to guard over the house. My name is
Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand. You managed to escape those bad men."
"Yes. But they didn't act with a bad heart but from grief." Mr. Talbert
can't restrain himself any longer. He grasps my right shoulder.
"Tell me what happened in the station, Mike. What did they want with you?"
"Did you know that Lieutenant Danielson was murdered last night?"
"Yes. Bill told me. They questioned you about that?"
I'm nodding my head. "I told his brother, he's also a lieutenant on the
police force, that I had nothing to do with that. He thinks one of my Indian
friends may have done it and fears there's going to be a war."
"Mike. You didn't have to answer any of his questions."
"I know that. I told him that I needed my attorney to be present and when
I asked if I was being placed under arrest, Lieutenant Danielson said 'not
at this time' so I demanded to be released."
"Good. I've warned Captain Ruston that if you were being taken in for
questioning without me being there, that we'd make a formal complaint.
Mike. That lieutenant knows the proper procedures. What he did to you can
be construed as harassment and it's a violation of your civil rights."
"Yeah. Okay. But I can understand how he feels. That's his brother who
was murdered. I've nudged them in the right direction by asking if they know
where to find Officer Eli Kie."
Mr. Talbert is saying something but I'm going deep into thought about
another pressing concern. Danielson might not be his only target!
"... so I'll prepare the complaint and come over later to Mrs. Winnapah's
house to have you sign it along with the affidavits."
"We have to go see Mr. Augusten and warn him to clear out!"
"What are you talking about, Mike?"
"My neighbor in the trailer park. He made that deposition where he
contradicts everything Eli Kie claimed to have happened. His life is in
danger! We have to warn him."
Mr. Talbert is thinking about it. I turn to Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand.
"Brother. I ask if you will follow my path once more. There could be danger
up ahead but I must go to warn a friend of it." I've both hand gestured
those words and spoke in Siksika.
"Yes. I hear what you said to the white man who's slow to see danger..."
The Indian is startled for a moment. His eyes Look at me, realizing that
I too am white as if for the first time. My right hand makes the gesture for
owl eyes opening in the afternoon (when he should be asleep). That means I
understand his surprise and I further gesture that I'm not offended.
"I will follow you, Short Hair."
I'm nodding, my growing smile that I can't hide from him. Mr. Talbert
looks towards his car. He's decided to do as I've asked. Good. I wave to my
Indian brother before following my lawyer.
Mr. Talbert is tense while he drives me through Havre. I don't have to
look back to know that Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand is following us. I'm
remembering something that Lieutenant Danielson said. "Back at the station,
when I wouldn't tell them anything about the murder because I don't know
anything... that lieutenant threatened to bring Jesse in for questioning!"
"Don't worry, Mike. They won't do that and further anger the Blackfoot.
Jesse spoke to reporters during their protest. Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn
informed the police that his client has no further statements to make until
your trial. Captain Ruston assured me that they're not going to bring him to
the station or arrest him. They know your friend is involved in all this but
won't risk enflaming the situation. The press is really following this,
Mike. With that black eye of his and being so young, Jesse made quite an
impression on them as a victim of police brutality. They aren't going to
touch him."
I'm greatly relieved. Mr. Talbert makes a right turn into my trailer
park. I'm looking out for Mr. Cavallero. We know that he's been an informant
for Danielson (that man is really dead?!) and maybe for Eli Kie as well.
"I want to return this to you," says Mr. Talbert.
The man reaches into his coat pocket and hands me my driver's license.
"Mike. If any police officer confronts you, inform him that Captain
Bill Ruston has assured you that you're not to be harassed and inform me
immediately! I don't want them tricking you into answering more questions."
I'm nodding my head. I don't tell him that Detective Peterson has given
me his card in the hope that I'll call him. For some reason, I like that
man. And not because we share the same first name. It's my hope that he'll
check out Eli Kie from his end.
"Where do I go?" asks Mr. Talbert.
I direct him to Mr. Augusten's trailer. When we near, I look to mine
and see a long line of yellow tape around it. I've seen that done at crime
scenes to keep people out. Now there's no way I can fetch my clothes.
Luckily, I've already taken my most valuable things with me. The park
manager has stolen the rest of my stuff.
I'm rushing out of the car, climb up the few steps and knock on my
neighbor's door. I hope that nothing bad has happened to Mr. Augusten and
his wife. To my relief, the door is answered.
"Well, hello Mike."
"Hi, Mr. Augusten." I'm joined by my lawyer. "This is Mr. Talbert. He's
my attorney." The old man looks him over. I'm surprised that we're being
kept on the doorstep.
"Ah. The Misses. She's nearly done with her shower so, well. I don't want
to startle her with guests coming inside just yet."
"I understand." It becomes an awkward moment. I'm bursting to tell him to
get the hell out of there but this must be done right if he's to listen to
me. "Thanks for saying what you did to the police."
"It was God's own truth! That spooky looking man, Eli Kie. I'd seen him
snooping around your trailer and when he punched your friend in the face!
Too bad my rifle wasn't loaded. I would have shot him."
I'm glancing at Mr. Talbert for his reaction. Nothing I can read. "Ah.
We've come to warn you that Eli Kie might come after you because of your
statement to the police. It proves that he's a liar."
"Let him come. My rifle will be loaded this time."
"Mr. Augusten. Eli Kie is a very dangerous man. I've just found out that
Lieutenant Danielson was murdered in his hospital bed last night."
"Danielson? Is he the cop you flattened to prevent him from shooting your
friend?"
"Yeah." I'm glancing at Mr. Talbert again. He hasn't asked me to shut up
yet so I'll try to say something to convince my neighbor of the danger he's
in before he does. "That man who was renting my trailer before me was
murdered by someone who wanted that Blackfoot Power Bundle you saw in
Jesse's hands that Eli Kie was trying to take from him." My eyes flare.
"You think Eli Kie killed him?"
I'm nodding my head. "You've seen him hurt Jesse. He wouldn't drop his
gun even though you had your rifle pointed at his head. That's why I didn't
want to leave you alone with him even though we had to get away before the
Havre Police arrived. I feared that Danielson might be with them. Had you
let my friend and me leave right then, Eli Kie would have tried to shoot
you and then come after us. He really wants to get that Power Bundle."
"I noticed your hesitation to turn tail and run. Sure glad you stayed
until that In'ian policeman came because I'd gotten that same feeling from
that spooky man. Maybe he knew my rifle wasn't loaded."
"Please, Mr. Augusten. Will you convince your wife to light out of here
before Eli Kie comes to get you? It'll only be for a while." I see the man's
hesitation. "You really got to leave!"
"Our truck won't start."
"You don't need to move your trailer out of here. I'll pay for your room
and board. You really helped Jesse and me out that day so let me return the
favor. Mr. Talbert will take you and your wife to a motel."
"Hmm. If you really think we're in danger, Mike. Let me get back inside
and check on the Misses."
I nod my head at Mr. Augusten. The trailer door closes behind him. I'm
turning to Mr. Talbert and speak in a low voice, "If they agree to go, can
you take the money they'll need from that deposit I've given you?"
"Sure, Mike. Due to unfortunate circumstances, there's one less person
to investigate. I've already hired someone in Helena to check on Eli Kie.
A local P.I. is staking out Miss Thomas' house to see who comes to call on
her. I had hoped we'd catch Danielson meeting that woman but now..."
"Right."
"Mike. I'm still going to need you to sign affidavits about those two
incidents between you and him. The lieutenant's statements are still a
danger to your case that his death won't change."
"I understand." A thought strikes me. "I'm not wanting you to make a
formal complaint about his brother questioning me this morning. Okay? Not
unless they try pulling more tricks on me."
"Captain Ruston will be relieved to hear that. What about that guard who
taunted you in the cell?"
Anger fills me. "I want to make a complaint against him. He'd acted out
of malice so I'd want to see him punished."
"Sure, Mike. I'll ask that they pull the surveillance tapes which should
also have recorded an audio track. I'm going to make it very clear to
Captain Ruston that he keeps his officers off your back from now on."
"Both me and Jesse. Alright?" Mr. Talbert nods.
I'm wrapping my arms around myself to keep warm. I'd left the house
without a jacket. Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand is walking to us. He's holding
a cell phone out to me.
"Jes-ee-ah wants to talk with you."
I'm running to the Indian and take the phone.
"Mike! Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you." Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand has
turned away to offer me some privacy but I concentrate on Reaching out to
Jesse with my thoughts. :They only wanted to question me. I think Eli Kie
murdered Lieutenant Danielson in his hospital bed last night! I'm here at
Mr. Augusten's trailer to convince him and his wife to...: There's a strong
pulling sensation coming from my head.
:I Know everything you're going to tell me, Mike. You're good to think
about others who could be in danger.:
I'm not surprised that Jesse can do that - suck out all my thoughts like
he did when I was at Hawk Flying Over's house and trying to explain how he
discovered that Ron had sex with him. This is something I can't do from his
head. I'm able to draw on my lover's ability to speak Siksika and we can
Send thoughts to each other. Maybe that's why Jesse will be shaman. I hope
he's also skilled enough to prevent Owopspec from overwhelming him.
:That's my hope to. I've called grandfather. He's coming over for dinner
so I'll tell him what's happened to you and ask him to help prevent that
from happening to me. Don't worry, Mike. I am on guard from my former self.
What you vowed this morning in warning to him, from Christopher helped a lot.
He's not struggling so much to come out in me.:
I'm blinking my eyes to prevent tears from falling. If Jesse were to
Merge with his former self, he will be changed. The man I love... gone!
Grandfather has to prevent that from happening. He has to!
Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand startles me by taking his cell phone back.
I had lowered it from my ear when Thinking to Jes-ee-ah.
"Short Hair. Let me take you back home to him."
My eyes widen in surprise. Does he know about Jesse and me? I hear my
lawyer talking to Mr. Augusten outside the trailer door. I'm running to
them, mostly so the Indian won't see my tears.
"Mike. Come on in and join us for tea, won't you?"
My stomach aches me. I'm really feeling the need to return to my lover.
"I can't. Sorry. Ah. Mr. Talbert will be taking you in his car and I'll be
getting back home with Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand."
"That's alright, Mike. I understand. And thanks for your concern about
us. The Misses still needs some convincing so I hope Mr. Talbert proves to
have a silver tongue."
I'm feigning a grin. I wave farewell and run back to the Indian. He gets
into the pickup truck, unlocks the passenger side door and I slip inside.
:Jesse? Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand is taking me home now.:
:I know. I'd Felt your need to get back to me. I'm aching for you too!:
I'm wiping my arm across my wet face and won't look at my companion to
see if he's noticed. The engine is started. I stare out my window while
deep feelings are Passed between my lover and I. Our bond is very strong.
We're driving through the trailer park. I'm noticing how the snow has
since melted when Jesse and me ran through here a few days ago. Winter's
grip over the land has broken with the coming of Spring. Yet my heart
remains chilled. I fear what could happen between the police and the
Indians. A breakout of war like it had been between the U.S. soldiers and
the Blackfoot. Chris witnessed that in his time. I could see it happening
all over again with my own eyes.
Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand takes a right turn. Winna's house is just up
ahead. I'm startled by a cell phone ringing. The Indian lifts it to his ear,
listens a moment then answers that he understands. The pickup truck slows
down. Fear fills me.
"What is it?"
"There are reporters at the house. One-white-horse said they are knocking
on the door but Winna won't answer it. He asks that you not go back there."
A sharp aching fills my heart. I'll be kept from rejoining my lover by
avoided them. How long will they wait before leaving without getting their
news story? It could be all day. A difficult decision comes to me. I turn to
Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand. "Please take me to the house. I'm not going to
let anyone force me to run and hide when I've done nothing wrong."
"Short Hair. Those reporters will mob over you with their cameras and
microphones so that they can put something interesting on TV only to serve
their interests."
"And ours," I quickly add. "Maybe I can help stop a war." That draws a
Look from my companion. He turns to look ahead while stepping on the gas.
I spot the white news van parked in front of the house. We turn into the
driveway. Park. My stomach fills with butterflies.
When I'm slamming my door shut, a well-dress woman and her cameraman
rush towards me. I wet my lips in anticipation of being interviewed.
"Mike Yager?"
I nod my head. A bright light shines on my face from the video camera.
The woman starts talking into her microphone.
"This is Mike Yager who's returning from being questioned by the Havre
Police in connection to the murder of Lieutenant Danielson last evening. Ah.
Mr. Yager. Please tell us what happened."
I'm momentary startled. What is she asking me to say? I stare at the
microphone that's thrust forward while very conscious of the camera lens on
me. What should I say?
"Are you a suspect in that murder?" she asks.
"No. They didn't arrest me or anything. I was in the house all last night
recovering from my ordeal in jail."
"Are you saying that the police mistreated you, Mr. Yager?"
Oh-oh. I can't tell them anything because that will only enflame the
situation. My eyes turn from the camera and focus on the woman reporter.
"I feel for Lieutenant Danielson's family, what they must be going through."
"Do you think this act was done out of revenge?"
I'm gasping. She's really asking me if a Blackfoot Indian had done it.
"I don't believe that. It was a heinous cowardly act that only serves to
cause war in the community. I hope that man's murderer is found by the
police and brought to justice!"
"Mr. Yager. The Blackfoot protested your arrest for assaulting Lieutenant
Danielson and for surrendering a sacred belonging of their people. At your
arraignment hearing, you claimed that officer was going to shoot Jesse and
that's why you attacked him."
What does this woman want me to say? She's not a very good reporter. I
look straight at the camera lens and speak. "Like I've said. That officer's
murder was done to pit the police against the Blackfoot People. I ask that
they restrain themselves and not act like the U.S. soldiers who fell on them
in blind anger and ignorance." In Siksika, "I ask that we too don't allow
our hearts to burn against those who are not our enemy. A servant of evil
has done this bad thing." I make a warding off gesture with my hand.
"Brothers. Do not be tricked into misdeeds. Hold peace in your hearts!"
"What. What did you say?" the woman reporter asks.
"I urged for calm. Everyone, the police and the Blackfoot." Before I'm
asked more questions, I cut across the lawn and head for the front door.
It's quickly opened for me. Closed. Jesse takes me in a big hug.
:You spoke well out there. I fear that Eli Kie is trying to start a war!
Mike. The flint blade he used to murder that policeman was taken from shaman
Good-eye's Power Bundle.:
I'm startled by that. :That would have to mean the bundle is in his hands.
The police returned it to him! Why did Eli Kie murder Danielson that way?:
:To send us a message. He knows the spirit has already Passed out of the
bundle now and he's very angry about that. Using an Indian knife to kill
will get the police thinking that the Blackfoot did it.:
I'm starting to shiver like a leaf in Jesse's arms. My legs weaken under
me. He helps me into the front room where I'm plopped down on the couch.
Winna sits over the coffee table, facing us. Is that anger on her face? I
wet my lips. "I'm really sorry for all the trouble I've caused." I glance at
Jesse. "If not for your son at my side, I'd..." My voice breaks up. I'm
burying my face in the crook of my left arm.
"Shh, Mike. I understand what the two of you have been going through."
"I'm sorry!" It's difficult, but I manage to put an end to my weak
display. I'm turning to the woman with shy eyes. She glances at her son.
"Na'a?" asks Jes-ee-ah in his timid high-pitched voice.
Winna releases a sigh. "I announced at Sunday's meeting that I consider
you to be my son, Mike. You are. I'm... glad that you are there for my son."
I'm trying to read Winna's face. That last thing she said had been very
difficult for her. "I want you for my mother." The woman slowly nods.
"Either of you should have told me what's been going on!"
"We couldn't. Grandfather wanted you to accept us first so you wouldn't
feel forced to by all that other stuff."
"There really is a special bond between the two of you?"
I revert into Siksika. "Yes, mother. From your son, I can speak to you
and we share all our thoughts and memories. That's why Jes-ee-ah has come
out of his shell. He's drawing on my strength. From him, I'm a better human
being who feels and I want to help our tribe."
Winna nods. She turns to her son. "What did grandfather do to you
concerning that Power Bundle?"
Jesse swallows nervously in his throat. I sense that his hesitation
comes from keeping a vow. :We need to ask grandfather what we may say about
that even to your mother. Okay?: My lover agrees.
We both lift our right hands to cover our mouths. That draws a startled
look from Winna. Then anger.
"Jes-ee-ah. I'm your mother and I need to know what's happened to you!"
"I'm a man now. I have taken on the responsibilities of our tribe that
are a heavy burden to my shoulders and Mike's. We'll ask grandfather. Please
try to understand, mom. We're bursting to tell you!"
"It has caused a lot of trouble," says Winna with anger in her voice.
"A Trickster did that. That evil servant's name is Eli Kie." I hear the
woman gasp.
"That man who struck my son?"
"Yes, mother. He murdered Ron Earlman. We believe he killed that police
officer in the hospital, too. That's why our house is being guarded by our
tribesmen. All of this is about that Power Bundle."
"It was given back to the police!" says Winna.
"Yes... but its spirit has already been Passed." I fear that I've bent
my vow by telling her that much. Winna looks long and hard at the both of
us. She suspects what that means.
I lean back over the couch and close my eyes. I'm feeling tired all of a
sudden. Jesse brings his arm around me.
"Grandfather is coming over tonight. He can tell you what we can't by
being under vow."
"Mike?"
I open my eyes to look at Winna. I'm dreading what she's going to ask.
"Have you called your parents?"
I'm startled by her question. It wasn't what I was expecting from her.
"No. Not yet." Fear squeezes my heart. "How can I explain what's been
happening to me if you don't understand and being an Indian and all?"
"They must be worried about you. Call them, Mike. You need to tell them
of the trouble you're in and that you're alright."
"Yes, mother." I take a deep breath. I muster the strength to get up from
the couch and after glancing at Jesse, I head for the kitchen. Alone. I'm
sure that the two of them are going to have a long talk.
I'm sitting over a stool with the phone in my hand. I dial my parent's
number. After three rings, my mother answers. The next half hour is difficult
but I try explaining what's been happening to me. Only the legal trouble
that I'm in. Nothing about me being gay and with Jesse or the mystical
Indian stuff I've gone through. I try bringing an end to my call.
"Tell dad not to be worried. Okay?"
"You're staying with Mrs. Winnapah?"
"Yes, that's right. She's a really good woman."
"What's the telephone number there?"
I'm alarmed that I can't remember! :Jesse? What's your number here so I
can give it to my mom.: I'm repeating it over the phone.
"Alright, Mike. You take care of yourself and we'll speak soon. I love
you, son."
"I love you too, mom." With that said, I hang the phone up. A sigh of
relief comes out of me. I'm looking around the kitchen realizing that this
is going to be my home. It's really happened. I'm going to be living with
my lover and his mom. Our mom. Tears of joy fill my eyes and I lift my face
in prayer. 'Please, Lord! Let these troubles blow away and grant Jesse and
me the chance for a happy life. It's been so hard!'
I'm feeling such a resolve to make that happen. God can be a source of
strength and guidance but my fate is really in my hands. I must try to act
more wisely from now on. My actions have consequences that I've not been
taking into consideration before. I'm always reacting to things. I need to
take charge of my life from now on for both Jesse and me. We could really
use a pickup truck to get around.
That last thought makes me grin. I'm going to be living here in Havre so
I need to get a lot of things done. Transfer money from my bank in Indiana,
get a Montana driver's license and then buy a pickup. I wonder what color my
lover would like it to be?
I'm startled by the strong emotions coming from Jesse. He's angry and
feeling really bad at the same time. What did his mother say to him? I run
back into the front room. They're sitting on the couch together. There's
tears in my lover's eyes. I rush to sit over the coffee table and Send him
my plea. In a quick burst, he reveals the woes his mother has been going
through that I had no idea about. She's been suffering with troubles of her
own. I turn to Winna.
"Mother? Will you let me help you out with the house payments?" The
woman's eyes grow wide and she glares at her son. I'm nodding to her
unspoken question, that Jesse Sent me what's she told him.
It seems that Jesse's dad has second mortgaged their home a few months
ago that caused a sharp increase in the payments. Winna had kept that to
herself because she knew how that would upset her son by telling him the bad
thing his father did. On top of all that, she's lost her job. I should have
wondered why she was home today instead of being at work.
"Mike. I can't let you do that."
"You consider me to be your son, right? I want to help! I've earned a lot
of money these past three years that's just sitting in the bank. Please. Let
me help out. I'm part of your family now."
"I'll think about it."
That means no. "Ah, Winna? Was the title to the house in both your names?"
"Yes. I don't know how my husband could get money out of our house
without me knowing about it."
I'm glancing at Jesse. My next words will be hard for him to hear. "He
would have had to forge your signature to do that. You should go to your
title company tomorrow and inform them. They can take legal action against
your husband and return your payments to what they were."
"No. I will not get Jes-ee-ah's dad in trouble."
I'm nodding in understanding. It aches my heart to see the tears running
down my lover's face. I grasp his knee. Jesse leans forward and buries his
face in my lap. The woe in him! I'm holding him in my arms with my face
pressed into his back.
:Mike. My dad did this to us!:
:He must have needed the money. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you.:
:Then why hasn't he called? I've not even gotten a card from him for a
long time now. I was hoping that he'll give me one for my birthday in July
but I don't think he will.:
I'm at a loss for words, eh thoughts. I squeeze Jesse hard in my arms
while sharing in his pain. So many problems. When are things going to go
right so that we can enjoy a happy life?
:I'm sorry, Mike.:
I gasp out loud, scolding myself for not keeping that thought to myself.
:It isn't your fault! If I knew back before I met you what I know now, I'd
do it all over again. I love you so much, Jes-ee-ah! And you still love me
even after I've changed.:
:You are still the same wonderful person you were when we met. Better,
even. Christopher will help you understand my People because he'd lived with
them and was taught our ways.:
I'm still not accepting what happened to me. Am I still Mike? How can I
be sure since Jesse is such a forgiving, understanding spirit. He'd still
love me even if I'd turned a different color or changed into a woman.
Jesse slowly pulls from my arms. He sits up straight while wiping his
face with the sleeve of his shirt. We peer at each other for a long moment.
Then I remember that we're not alone.
"You can really feel what my son is feeling?" asks Winna.
I'm nodding. "Since the day we met. That comes from Jesse's gift to See
inside people and we share everything." I turn my thoughts to Winna's other
trouble, her job. I'm well trained in problem solving from being a computer
programmer. That skill can be applied to every day concerns though they can
prove not to be as clear cut or solved through mere logic.
"Winna? What excuse did your boss give for letting you go?"
"Mr. Spenser said that business was slacking off due to the economy."
"Do you believe that is the real reason?" The woman shakes her head.
"I've missed some days of work recently because of what's been going on
with my son. I'm also not learning the computer as quickly as he hoped."
"Have you considered asking your boss to be put on part-time? By now,
he's seen the news with Jesse speaking to reporters during the protest
outside the police station. That would explain why you missed those days.
I can help you learn MS-Word..." Winna is not agreeing with what I've said.
"It can't hurt to try. In this economy, it's difficult to find a new job and
you'll need the money for the mortgage since you don't want me to help."
"Mom. Please let Mike help out since he's going to be living with us."
I peer at Winna while keeping my mouth shut. She seems to be thinking
about it. Too bad Jesse and I can't read her thoughts.
"Are you sure you can afford to help out, Mike? You said that you're not
going to return to your job in Indiana. Teaching doesn't earn much."
I'm nodding my head, hopeful that she'll let me help her out.
"Mike. My monthly house payment is a nine hundred and eighty dollars."
I'm smiling with relief. She is going to let me act as a good son should.
"No problem. I've got plenty of money in the bank." My eyes flare. Winna
struggles with not crying. She looks around the room with hope coming into
her eyes.
"I don't want to lose my home! Thank you, Mike."
Winna offers me a hug that I eagerly accept. My face presses into her
long hair. I'm feeling Jesse against my back. His long arms come around my
chest in a tight squeeze.
:You are such a good man, love.:
When Winna's arms loosen, I return to sitting over the coffee table.
"I can title you half of my part of the house," Winna offers.
I'm shaking my head. "You don't have to do that. All I ask is that you
speak with your title company. Your husband must be prevented from trying to
take more money out of your house."
"Alright. I will."
The clock chimes twelve noon. A loud rumbling comes from my stomach that
draws a knowing look from Winna.
"Are you hungry, Mike?"
"Yeah. I haven't eaten since last night. Jail food." The woman gives me a
pained look, probably from reminding her about the troubles her son and I
still face. She gets up from the couch and heads for the kitchen. I set down
beside Jesse. His arms rush around me and I'm drawn into a kiss. A very
sweet one.
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