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* "NEW TO TEACHING LOVE" *
* (part 13) *
* by Vince Water June 10, 2005 *
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| Copyright 2005-2006 by Vince Water Corrected 5/06 |
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I'm Showing Jesse the letter in my mind's eye for him to 'read'. We're
both really sad that Winna's sister is dead but she is survived by a son.
That Indian school has been taking care of Jake since the age of five. Why
did Judy send him there instead of with family? He's all of sixteen now!
South Dakota isn't that far away from Montana as I believe.
Winna clutches her son really hard. She's still crying. :What I can do,
Jes?: I'm feeling stupid and helpless by standing here watching them.
:Maybe just leave me alone with my mom for a while.:
Quiet-before-the-dawn gets up from the couch. He asks, "Can you fix me a
cup of coffee in the kitchen?"
I'm nodding in reply to the Elder. We leave Winna alone with Jesse who
tries comforting her on the couch. My lover's thoughts fade from my mind.
In the kitchen, I start the coffee maker. Enough for three cups in case Winna
would like to drink some later. Quiet-before-the-dawn keeps his eyes averted
from me so I get the idea that he doesn't want to talk about it. My head is
bursting with questions like, does he know why Judy ran away from home? I'd
Gleaned from Winna that she thinks her sister had run off with a Mexican
migrant worker when she was a teen. Didn't anyone know about her son Jake?
Winna will likely want to go to that Rosebud school to see the boy. How did
his mother die? Why did it take five years for him to learn of her death?
I fill two mugs with coffee and set them on the kitchen table. Neither of
us bother with cream or sugar. We take our seats and clutch our mugs in
silence, not looking at each other. Winna is being given time to recover from
the news.
Quiet-before-the-dawn briefly makes eye contact with me from time to time.
I know to remain silent. We sip coffee, stare at our mugs, the table and at
other things in the kitchen. I've looked up at the clock at least six times
already. It's 5:38pm. Jesse doesn't Think to me so I'm leaving him alone
with his mom. She's taken her sister's death hard but there's a silver lining
in them dark clouds. A boy named Jake. Does he remember his mother at all?
Does he know that he has family in Montana and yearn to return to his proud
Blackfoot roots?
Oh! I'm struck by something that this man needs to know. "Elder?" I ask.
"There is something that you should be aware of." He looks at me for a
moment then nods for me to continue. I'm taking a deep breath. "Last Friday,
Running Water and I had to call the People to rally them to Jesse's protest
when no one seemed to be coming out to support him. Rides-a-fiery-horse had
promised the tribal council that he'll do this but he dropped the ball."
"You two did well on that Elder's behalf."
"We acted on our own, Elder! Running Water scolded him for not making
those calls. Rides-a-fiery-horse claimed he had to stay with a 'sick friend'.
That was really his sports car he'd taken to the garage that morning after
running into a post." Quiet-before-the-dawn's expression proves that this is
news to him. I'm trying to control my own anger.
"We needed a password to access the Blackfoot Registry to get those phone
numbers. Rides-a-fiery-horse's assistant, Binds-his-post wouldn't give it to
us without the Elder's permission so I ah... Gleaned it from him when we'd
spoken on the phone."
Quiet-before-the-dawn frowns. "I'm uncomfortable by how you use that gift
from our Father, Short Hair."
My eyes are burning 'cause he doesn't know what else I've Gleaned from
that man. He thinks I'm doing it to everyone all the time. "Elder! I won't
use my power on family such as Winna."
"You tried Gleaning what that letter I had brought her was all about."
I'm lowering my eyes in shame. "I'm sorry about that, Elder, but you have
to understand!" My eyes are burning again. "Only yesterday, I intercepted a
FedEx package Eli Kie had sent to Winna. It contained a zerox of Ron's diary
with an English translation. He intended to hurt Winna bad because Ron..."
I'm shutting my mouth. Does he know what that man has done to Jesse?
"You know that package had come from Eli Kie?" asks Quiet-before-the-dawn.
"What did Ron write in his diary that could hurt Winna?"
I'm swallowing nervously in my throat. "It Felt evil. Jesse had Foreseen
that the Trickster would strike out from afar but I thwarted him. Barely.
When you arrived with that letter, I needed to know if it was yet another
trick coming from Eli Kie. I'm sorry that I tried Gleaning from you."
Quiet-before-the-dawn thinks for a long moment before he speaks. "Hmm.
Our Inspired One has told me that he'll be instructing you and Jes-ee-ah in
the use of our Father's gifts. That will include the morality in using them
on the People."
"Yes, Elder." My eyes widen because I'm forgetting the point of this
discussion. "Is it wrong when I Glean something evil a person has done and
act upon it?"
"We all sin in our Father's eyes, Short Hair."
"Binds-his-post and Elder Rides-a-fiery-horse are accepting bribes from
the oil companies!" I blurt out.
After a moment, Quiet-before-the-dawn answers. "That is so."
"You knew?" The Elder nods in reply.
"All the Native Tribes have such arrangements with the oil companies. The
U.S. Government oversees the mineral earnings on our land though badly I may
add so this extra money comes directly to our tribe from undocumented pumping
of oil. Elder Rides-a-fiery-horse serves as financial officer for our People.
The tribal council can fund projects with this money that otherwise would get
bogged down in financial committees or worse, entangled in U.S. Governmental
red tape."
"He lives rather well for an accountant wouldn't you say? Take that
sports car of his for instance." I want to get the Elder thinking about it.
Quiet-before-the-dawn sighs. "You still have things to learn, Short Hair.
It is true that we overlook some of Rides-a-fiery-horse's excesses. He is
popular with the younger generation. We need him."
I now reveal all that I know. "Rides-a-fiery-horse and his assistant have
been embezzling money from Blackfoot accounts for years now."
"What say you!" the Elder shouts. He's shaking his head back and forth in
denial of what he's heard.
I revert into old Siksika to match Quiet-before-the-dawn's outburst. "I
have spoken truly, Elder, and ask our Father to strike me down if my words
are lies in your ears. Hear me! Through the use of my gift, I learned from
Binds-his-post that this is so. He and the Elder are stealing from the People
in their position of trust."
In a low strained voice, "Do you know from which pockets they have stolen
from?" asks Quiet-before-the-dawn. "How much has Rides-a-fiery-horse taken?"
He means the accounts they've embezzled money from. "I don't know, Elder.
If it is so that our Inspired One has Protected his tribal council from being
Looked into, I won't know from him yet his assistant, Binds-his-post can
reveal this to me through our Father's gift." Quiet-before-the-dawn thinks
for a moment.
"I ask that you keep this thing to yourself, Short Hair. I will speak with
our Inspired One and the Chief about what we should do. Your accusations are
strong for an Elder who has served the People in inviolate trust for many
years. Take no further actions on your own."
"I will hold my peace, Elder." My right hand is placed over my heart.
"You are not to Look into Binds-his-post until you are asked to do so."
"Very well." I sip from my mug of coffee and feel wretched for bringing
this bad news to the Elder. Worse, he may not even believe me. I'm casting my
eyes down to my knees.
"Forgive me, Short Hair."
I'm look up Quiet-before-the-dawn with surprise.
"You have acted to help the People and suffer now because of it. My eyes
see the young man you are and the color of our skin but I am learning that
inside, you have a good heart and act thusly."
My hands form the old gesture for humbly accepting praise. We finish our
coffee in silence. Pride swells in my heart to be held in such regard by an
Elder that it makes me want to prove myself even more in his eyes. He's asked
me to do nothing about it for now. That's a bit frustrating.
"I hear from our Inspired One that you and Jes-ee-ah are to love pledge
each other under his hand at the end of this moon."
I'm smiling. "That is so, Elder. We will also..." reverting into English,
"apply for domestic partnership with the State though I'm unsure how that
will benefit us other than from it being a symbolic gesture."
"Hmm. Such a procedure makes your union legal in white man's law. You and
Jes-ee-ah will be held responsible for providing each other a place to live,
food and other basic needs in life. You'll have the legal authority to make
medical decisions if the other is incapacitated. Your employment health
benefits granted to a spouse could cover your partner."
"I honor what grandfather... ah, our Inspired One will perform for us. It
is a thing not granted to our former selves when they wanted to pledge their
love to each other in the eyes of the People."
"That is sad to hear, Short Hair. It's important to have acknowledgement
from your family and friends though in is in your hearts where this truth
holds the greatest reign."
"Will you come to witness our vowing?" I'm realizing that this Elder
wasn't included in our invitation's list!
"I would be honored, Short Hair."
"It is to take place this month on the 24th. Jes and I have printed cards
to invite our family and friends so I'll give you one before you leave."
"Very well." Quiet-before-the-dawn's eyes shine when he considers a thing
he could do from his position as legal Elder for the tribe.
I lift my mug but discover it's already been drained. His, too. We smile
at each other until remembering what had brought us to the kitchen in the
first place. I Send my thoughts out to Jesse. :How is your mom doing?:
:A little better, love. She wants to go see Jake at his school so she'll
call the Headmaster tomorrow to ask for his permission.:
:Permission? It's not like Jake is in prison.:
:I dunno. My mom has heard bad things about Catholic schools where Native
children are separated from their parents. That's what happened to Judy when
they took her son from her.:
:Jesse! That letter was sent to the Blackfoot Nation so they could find
Jake's relatives who'd come to see him in his time of grief. It was true that
Christian missions had separated children from their Indian parents, cut off
their long hair, put them into white man's clothes and forbade them to speak
their Native tongue but that was all in the distant past. They'll allow Winna
to see her nephew!: Jes is telling his mom that her thinking about Jake's
school had been all wrong. They're discussing something else. I find out what
when my lover Thinks to me again.
:Can you find out how much plane tickets will cost for us?:
:I sure will! When does Winna plan to leave for Rosebud and how long will
she visit with Jake?: Jesse asks his mom.
:If the Headmaster allows it, mom wants to leave tomorrow evening after
work. She'll visit with her nephew to console him and return on Sunday. She
knows you have court this Monday.:
:Okay. I'll go check that out for her on the Internet.:
:Can you ask the Elder to come into the front room? She's bursting with
questions to ask him legal stuff about Jake.:
I'm focusing my eyes on Quiet-before-the-dawn. "Winna is ready to hear
your council, Elder." The man nods and leaves the kitchen while I race to
our bedroom. I want to provide Winna with travel options that Expedia.com can
provide me. This is all rather exciting! The three of us can fly out Tuesday
night and see Jake the following day.
Hmm. Though I've assured Winna (through Jesse) that she'll be able to see
Jake, it is a Catholic school which means the boy has had a strict upbringing
since he was five. What will he think of Jesse and me being a gay couple?
Homosexuality isn't accepted by his religion. I'm Lutheran Christian and know
about the prejudices we'll face if our relationship becomes known. I don't
want to shame Winna in front of him. That last thought is cast from my head
because I'm not ashamed of my love for Jesse! Yet maybe for Winna's sake,
I shouldn't go with them. The boy is grieving over the death of his mother so
I don't want to upset him any more than he already is.
I boot up my laptop while pondering over what to do. How can I get out of
traveling with Winna and Jes? My court is this Monday so if they want to
stay longer with Jake, that could be a problem or I should say a good excuse
not to go with them. I'm bursting with curiosity to see Jake! but not if that
will cause a strain.
The next fifteen minutes are spent online looking for air flights. I've
discovered that leaving from Havre's tiny airport means a twenty-two hour
flight to reach Pierre, South Dakota which is the closest airport to Rosebud
and that's still some fifty miles away from Jake's school! When I check for
flights originating from Great Falls instead, the air flight time drops to
under five hours and the price is about four hundred dollars less. A round
trip ticket still costs about $1,000 per adult. That seems like a lot. I
suppose that comes from trying to book a flight on such short notice. When I
read through a disclaimer about added taxes and surcharges, a security notice
draws my attention. I already know that weapons cannot be brought on board
(box cutters are mentioned). It further states that passengers must provide
an acceptable photo I.D. at the security check point before they can be
allowed on to the gate. I haven't gotten my Montana driver's license in the
mail yet. Jesse comes into the room.
"Mom asked me to see how you're doing with checking on air flights."
I Sense from my lover that Winna wants to speak with Quiet-before-the-dawn
alone and that was only an excuse to get her son out of the front room.
"Here. Take a look at my screen."
"Wow. That's pretty pricey," comments Jesse.
"Airplane tickets cost less when you book them at least two weeks ahead,"
I explain. "Jesse?"
"What is it?"
"I can't fly with you." In a mind burst, I Tell Jes that I'm without the
necessary I.D. to get past airport security but too, I reveal that maybe it's
not such a good idea that I come along. Jake might pick up on us being gay.
Winna needs to console the boy over his mother's death. My presence will only
add to those difficulties of an aunt and nephew getting to know each other.
:It aches my heart, love, but I think you're right. I've heard how strict
them Catholic schools are. They may not allow us to come inside to see Jake
if they figure us out.:
:Well. They won't know that you're gay if you go without me. It's okay.:
Jesse gives me a hug.
:I'm not ashamed for what we are to each other, Mike! You are being very
considerate of my mother's feelings and that of her nephew.:
I hold Jes close to me. :I have court this Monday so if the two of you
want to stay longer with Jake...:
:No way! Mom promised me that we'll attend all your court sessions. We'll
have four days to see Jake before returning on Sunday. She also has to return
to work. Her boss will likely allow her to miss work this week but any longer
than that... She doesn't want to lose her job by angering him.:
I recall Winna being laid off by her construction company. That had come
about because of her missing work days on the account of Jes and me. On my
advice, I had her ask to return to work part time and her boss agreed so long
as she gets training in MS-Word. I'm gonna teach her every other night now
that there's a computer in the house. Hmm. My laptop is reporting that the
Internet connection has been broken. "Jes? Does your mom have call waiting?"
"What's that?"
"When she's talking with someone on the phone, does she hear a warning
tone when someone else is trying to get through?"
"Oh, yeah. I've heard it myself. Why?"
"Someone is trying to call now and it's broken my Internet connection."
I'm closing the browser. A setting is adjusted to my ISP connection to
prevent call waiting from interrupting me again when I'm online.
The phone is ringing in the kitchen. We both run to answer it. Jes leaves
that honor to me since who'd be calling him? Could be for Winna though.
"Mike?"
"Yeah. It's me."
"This is Mr. Talbert. I wanted to inform you that I'll be meeting with
Mr. Benton tomorrow morning. It's for Discovery. Again."
"Yeah, okay."
"Mr. Benton could of sent me that preliminary report from Internal Affairs
mentioned in court today but there's some new evidence he wants to declare."
I'm groaning inside. That doesn't sound good.
"He specifically asked me if you would be attending the meeting almost as
if he's hoping you will."
"I want to come!"
"That's not necessary, Mike. I suspect that Mr. Benton hopes to make you
fear the 'mounting evidence' of your guilt so you'll take his outrageous plea
bargain. I've already advised you not to accept it."
My lawyer is right. I'm not afraid of Mr. Benton but he'd better fear my
ability to Glean things from him! I'll drain him dry of things he's planning
against me as well as what he's done to past victims. I come to a decision.
"Mr. Talbert. I coming to that meeting tomorrow. Please give me the time and
place. Alright?"
"If you insist..."
I write down 11am on a notepad. I'm told that it's gonna take place at my
lawyer's office in Havre. I'm given the address since I've never been there;
only gone to that man's house in Chinook.
"Can you get there on your own, Mike?"
"Yeah. Winna has given me her husband's old pickup truck to drive."
"Very well then. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Goodbye, Mike."
"Bye." I hang up the phone with a sense of dread. Jesse is looking
through his mother's phone book and his finger points out a name to me. I'm
nodding in agreement and dial the number listed for Hawk Flying Over. After
three rings, the man answers.
"Hi! This is Mike."
"I'm glad that you've called," says Hawk Flying Over.
"How are you and Simon doing? I'm sorry if I seemed terse with you
yesterday but I was kinda worried."
"I'm alright. The boy is really sick though. I've had a doctor come over
this afternoon and he's given Simon a shot. Our shaman has performed a ritual
to protect and strengthen the youth."
It's as I've feared. "Someone had cast an evil spell at Jesse during his
protest on Thursday. Since Simon was close beside him, he must have also been
affected."
"I know. Our shaman has told me."
"How are you feeling?" I ask with concern.
"I'm fine, Mike. What Jes-ee-ah and Simon suffered isn't anything that
others can catch from them. It's only flu like symptoms coming from Evil that
drains their life force."
"Oh. Then Simon's grandparents wouldn't have caught the flu from him."
"No." Hawk Flying Over pauses for a moment to think. "Mike? I'd still like
to keep the boy over at my house for a few days until he's recovered. That
road leading to Goes-late-in-the-night's trailer is still too muddy to drive
on besides."
"Sure. It wouldn't be good to take Simon from bed until he's better." Hmm.
I've heard pleading in the man's voice. Only concern for that youth or is my
imagination getting the better of me? Naw. Hawk Flying Over isn't gay let
alone interested in boys.
"Maybe you should call Goes-late-in-the-night."
"You've already spoken to him, right?"
"Yesterday. But giving that man your assurances will help."
Help with what? "Okay. I'll give Goes-late-in-the-night a call right now.
Ah, Hawk Flying Over?"
"Yes, Mike?"
"Thank you for taking care of Simon." That's not what I was gonna say but
Hawk Flying Over has already been warned about this boy. He's likely too sick
to able to do anything with his dick but piss from it.
"No problem. We'll call each other tomorrow."
"Okay. Goodbye." I'm hanging up the phone while Jes gives me a sly grin.
:What are you smirking at?:
:The same concern that you have, love. Hawk Flying Over is a good man so
he'll take care of the boy in our absence.:
:That's not what concerns me. It's Simon chasing after that man!:
:My uncle can take care of himself. He's been married to a woman you know.
Simon won't try to get it on with a straight guy.:
"Get it on?" Jesse gives me a shy expression. He's always coming up with
slang that I'm not expecting to hear from him. I cast my suspicions about
Hawk Flying Over wanting to 'get it on' with Simon away like the false sign a
tracker determines to be misleading.
"Do you have Goes-late-in-the-night's phone number?" asks Jesse.
"It's in my laptop bag." We're walking back to our bedroom and I find that
slip of paper Simon had given me inside it. "Can you shut down my computer
for me and put it in the bag for safe keeping?" Jesse nods. I run back to
the kitchen and dial the number. "Grandfather? This is Short Hair."
"It is good to hear your voice," says Goes-late-in-the-night in Siksika.
"How are you and Jes-ee-ah?"
"We're both well. My companion has recovered from his... illness."
"Hawk Flying Over has told me that both a doctor and our shaman has tended
to my grandson this afternoon."
"That is so. Would it be alright if Simon stays over there until he's
fully recovered? That should only be for a few more days."
"That is acceptable, monedo."
I'm struck by him calling me by that title. He's put the boy in my hands
to teach him what it means to be gay even in sexual instruction. This isn't
the time to inform him that Jes and I won't be doing that anymore and mine
are only suspicions about Hawk Flying Over's interest in the youth. Probably
just my sick imagination. My thoughts turn back to his grandparents who are
stuck out in the bad lands. "How is your wife doing?"
"Sadly, there is no change in her condition."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Has our Inspired One come to see her?" Maybe that
woman suffers from something that modern medicine is unable to cure.
"On several occasions. Even He-who-runs-up-mountains cannot counter the
affects of old age from which my wife suffers from."
By the way Goes-late-in-the-night had phrased that, he means that our
Inspired One is succumbing to old age too. Does he know that grandfather
won't likely see that many more moons? "How are you doing for food?"
"We have plenty to eat from your provisioning last week, Short Hair. My
grandson's school friend's father checks up on us during the rainstorms. That
gives him excuse to tear up the road beneath the wheels of his monster truck.
I assure you that my wife and I are well looked after."
Relief fills me. "My heart is put at ease by your words."
"It would ease my heart and that of my grandson's if he were to spend more
weekends with you and Jes-ee-ah. He needs to... be with companions who share
his spirit."
My eyes widen. I think I know what Goes-late-in-the-night is asking of me!
"You place too much trust in me, grandfather."
"Trust? Yes. I trust your judgment as monedo for Sings-as-a-raven so do
not doubt yourself in this thing, Short Hair. He is a needing boy. Both you
and Jes-ee-ah will fill his head with good things while offering the youth...
You know of what I speak."
Man! Goes-late-in-the-night wants us have sex with the boy yet I've put
my foot down concerning being with Simon anymore. His heart was getting too
confused by our love acts. "Winna won't permit it." Why did I tell him that?!
"Ah. I understand, Short Hair."
An uneasy silence passes. I'm noticing Jesse standing behind me so I give
him a quick glance. My thoughts had been guarded from him these past few
minutes but he can guess from hearing me speak with Goes-late-in-the-night.
"I just wanted to call you, grandfather, to assure you that Simon is in good
hands and to see how you and your wife are doing."
"My heart is glad that you have. Until you visit my lodge again, I will
think of you."
That's a traditional way of saying goodbye so I respond in like kind.
"Until we are met again, grandfather. Be well." I'm dropping the phone to its
cradle. Jesse has left the kitchen so I go look for him in the front room.
My lover has joined his mom on the couch. Winna is no longer crying but
her face is stoic even more than it usually is. I Sense excitement in her
through my connection to Jesse. There's grief too but she accepts the news
of her sister's death. She wants to meet Jake and through consoling him, find
out where Judy has been these past seventeen years. Was she in Mexico? Did
she marry that migrant worker Winna suspected had taken her away from home?
I stop myself from Gleaning any further. It's wrong of me to do so as I've
promised Quiet-before-the-dawn.
Winna waves me to approach. I'd been standing before her like a dummy so I
sit over the coffee table to face her and Jes. "I'm sorry about your loss.
How are you doing?"
"I'm alright now. That news... it just took me by surprise."
I nod in understanding. "I've looked online for air flights to Rosebud."
That draws the woman's attention. She sits up straight and waits for me to
tell her. "A round trip ticket costs about $1,000 per adult if you leave from
Great Falls and arrive at Pierre, South Dakota. That's the closest airport
to Rosebud some fifty miles away. You'll need to rent a car to get around."
Winna nods. "You do know that Havre has an airport."
"Yes. But by starting your journey there, it'll take twenty-two hours with
four connecting flights. If you drive down to the airport in Great Falls, air
flight only takes about five hours and the ticket costs less."
Winna considers what I've told her. She turns to Jesse for approval but
he drops his eyes from his mom. It's up to me to tell her then. "I can't go
with you, Winna."
"Why? Is it because you have court Monday morning? We'll fly back home the
night before."
I'm shaking my head back and forth. "Airport security requires that
passengers present an acceptable photo I.D. before they're allowed on to the
gate. My Montana driver's license hasn't come in the mail yet. You've seen
the difficulties I had at Wal-Mart and even my own bank wouldn't give me the
time of day without I.D."
Winna breathes a sigh of relief. "Very well, then."
Her easy acceptance surprises me and in a way, it bothers me. It's like
she's been struggling with the hand life has dealt her by having a gay son
and now she's been given a new card. The hope to raise another boy with whom
she can be proud of in every way. I'd thought that Winna had come to accept
my relationship with her son and it aches my heart. No. That was wrong of me
to consider. She's thinking ahead to meeting Jake. He'll wonder what a white
guy is doing with her son. Our explanation of just being 'friends' won't
wash if Jes and I let on that our feelings for each other is much more. Oh!
I've been Gleaning her again that's revealed how she hopes to take Jake home.
That's what she was consulting Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn about.
"Mike. I appreciate you checking on those flights for me."
"No problem. When you know for sure when you and Jesse will be flying
out to South Dakota, I make your reservations. You can even purchase those
tickets online and they'll be waiting for you at the airport."
"Thank you." Winna releases a weary sigh. "I'm going to retire to my room.
This has all been rather overwhelming for me."
"Sure, mom." Jesse helps his mother up from the couch.
We watch the woman leave the room. :Will she be alright?:
:I think so, love. My mom has always been strong. Even when my father ran
away, she only needed a few days to get over it.:
:Really? I'm sure she was grieving inside for a lot longer than that.
:Not really. I Felt that mom was okay with him leaving and she even felt
rather relieved that he did. At the time, I didn't understand her feelings
about my father that had confused me and left me feeling angry and betrayed.
Then when I grew up, things became clear to me. My father had already 'left'
us before his legs actually did.:
:What do you mean?: I Ask. Jesse steps sideways into my arms so I hold
him close.
:He was sleeping on the couch those last few months. They'd been fighting
a lot. Over money, my father's concern that he was going to be fired from his
job though I didn't know why since mom was working at the same construction
company that left her busy with secretarial work. I'd thought it was all
because of me for being a disappointing son.:
:Jes! It wasn't your fault.: I'm squeezing my lover in my arms.
:I know that now. When I think about it, there was something happening at
work that frightened my father. Some trouble he was in. Maybe he ran away
from whatever it was to... protect us.:
I'm Sensing the flurry of thoughts in Jesse's head. Too fast for me to
hold one long enough but a revelations comes to my lover. That guilt he's
been enduring all these years for why his father ran away drops from his
heart like a gnawed bone. His thinking is that it wasn't his fault after all.
Something scared that man away.
:I have to find him!: Jesse mind shouts. :Maybe he's in trouble.:
:I'll help you, my love. We have the name of his attorney who helped him
arrange taking half the money out of your mother's house. That's a good place
to begin our search.: Jesse turns to me with his arms rushing around my back
in a tight hug. His sadness about his father leaving them has turned to one
of fear. For him. I can also use my Gleaning power on Winna's boss to find
out if he knows what's happened in those last days before he ran away. The
construction business is filled with corruption. Maybe he was gonna blow the
whistle on them to the police or something. Winna can help. She can access
the computer at work or look in the files to learn which construction project
her husband was last working on for clues.
Jesse continues to cling to me. He doesn't comment on anything I've been
thinking about as is his usual wont. Hmm. My thoughts have been guarded from
him. I'm learning to do that more often so he won't be Peeking in my head.
When my lover has recovered from his fright (for his dad), we part from
each other. I keep my plans to myself for now. Jes is looking past me at the
computer with concern.
"Why is the screen doing that?"
I turn around and look. "Oh. That's a screen saver. It comes on when the
computer is left alone for a while." We walk over to the desk and I hit the
shift key. That game we've been running comes back on. "You wanna play it?"
"Not really."
Jesse exits that game and he shuts down the computer. He kneels down to
also turn the printer off. I notice a scattered pile of printed invitations
beside it. That reminds me. "I didn't notice Quiet-before-the-dawn leaving."
My lover shrugs his shoulders in reply. "I wanted to give him a card before
he left."
"He must have took one." Jesse gathers the invitations and straightens
them into a neat pile before bringing them to me. "Two are missing."
"How do you know?" Oh. I'm forgetting my lover's meticulous habits like
when he eats his food in sections for instance. He wouldn't have left that
pile of invitations in disarray on the floor.
"Maybe he's going to give one to grandfather. That's why two are missing."
I'm nodding. I'd printed extra cards to give out to people we'd forgotten
to include on our list.
"I'll mail them tomorrow." Jesse points at the neat stack of stamped
envelopes on the desk. A smile returns to his face.
I'm smiling too. Then gloom returns to me when I think about my legal
woes. I'll be back in court on Monday to find out how the judge will rule on
those three motions. They've all asked for a delay to my actual criminal
trial. Maybe we will have time to marry each other on that Saturday and enjoy
a honeymoon as we've planned but after that...
"Why the sad face, love?"
I'm pasting that smile back on my face. "Nothing." Jesse doesn't believe
me but he doesn't say a word.
"Do you want to lay down for a while?"
My smile turns genuine when I catch my lover's meaning. "Sure." We return
to our bedroom hand in hand. To our right, Winna is resting in her room. We
go to our own 'rest' but I'm suspecting that won't happen until afterwards.
We can't seem to get enough of each other when given the opportunity to be
alone together. That comes from being newly in love.
Jesse is lying naked beside me in bed. We didn't go at it as expected
since both of us are upset from the events this day has brought. I've
attended court, fought with my bank, and Winna received that letter from
Jake's school. Tomorrow will prove to be just as 'eventful' I fear. There's
that Discovery meeting between my lawyer and Mr. Benton. I'm gonna Glean that
man to death. He'd better have nothing to hide 'cause I'll find out all his
bad secrets! Jes and his mom will be taking that flight to South Dakota. It
aches me that my lover and I will be separated for five days. We're always
together in thought and how we're feeling but physical separation will prove
hard to endure. I gasp in pain at that thought.
"Don't be sad, love."
"Huh?"
"They say that parting makes the heart grow fonder. We'll be together
again Sunday night."
I'm turning to Jesse. "I can't love you any more than I already do!"
He rushes into my arms. I'm given a long kiss that gets our dicks tingling.
:You never know, love.:
Tears sting my eyes. :I'm gonna miss you something terrible!:
:Me too.:
We kiss each other like there's no tomorrow but there will be more days
ahead for us. After he's gone with his mom to see Jake, I'll have my lover
back in my arms on Sunday like he's said but what about after that? I don't
know what the following weeks will bring. Will the judge move my trial down
to Great Falls? That city is a ninety mile drive away. Far away from the
People who support my cause, the friends I've made here and my loved ones.
:I'll be with you!: Jesse vows. :Even if that means staying in a motel
room while you attend trial down there. Mom will understand.:
I'm smiling with relief and squeeze my lover in my arms. A thought strikes
me. :Did Owopspec miss Chris terribly after his death?: My former self's
memories ended when he was murdered but his Indian lover lives on in Jesse
who'd endured those lonely years without him.
:He was really sad as you expect. Wind-go-through-his-hair tried consoling
him for a while but even that boy couldn't get past the anger Good-eyes had
towards his tribe. No one came forward to reveal who had murdered his lover.
He withheld his medicine rite from the braves he led into battle against the
blue-coats and many fell to their bullets. But not Good-eyes. He charged
fearlessly into them and earned many eagle feathers for himself.:
I Sense from Jesse that his former self no longer feared death. His anger
carried him through battle where he had hoped to fall in honor but he didn't.
Instead, he lived to endure the grief for that white boy. :Why didn't he find
comfort in his first lover?:
:You don't know, do you?: Asks Jesse.
I'm shaking my head back and forth.
:Wind-go-through-his-hair went away. He married a woman from another band
of the People and remained with them.:
:He married?: I Ask incredibly.
:Yes. Good-eyes was a changed man after Krist-o-fer's murder. Wind-go-
through-his-hair couldn't reach his embittered lover and saw how his great
anger and hatred even towards his own People couldn't be tempered by their
love. The boy had been named a brave right before Kris died. He assumed a
man's responsibilities. All of them. After trying to console Good-eyes, he
went away and word came back to the tribe that he'd married. He had a son.:
I'm glad that Wind-go-through-his-hair had a child to cherish and carry
his blood through him. I wonder if any of his descendants are alive today?
:What happened to Good-eyes after he was left... alone?:
:He too assumed his full responsibilities as a man. Battles had earned him
six eagle feathers and the respect of his People. They'd moved north to the
Grandmother Country to avoid the increasing attacks by blue-coats. Without a
way to vent his anger that was driving Good-eyes towards self destruction,
his heart cooled. A woman by the name of Bright-are-her-moccasins was able to
heal his aching spirit. They married.:
:Did he love her?: I Ask.
:Yes. Good-eyes loved her gentle ways, their many talks together and she
gave him the respectability a chief of the People needed to lead them. He no
longer gave himself to other men. The years of peace he enjoyed by moving to
Canada denied Good-eyes the opportunity to resume his medicine rite put into
his braves that would protect them in battle. He thought that power had died
in him anyway after Kris was gone.:
:Was... Good-eyes satisfied to be with a woman?:
:She bore him a son to cherish.:
:That's not what I Asked, my love.: I'm rubbing my hard cock against Jes
to make my point clear. He gives me a lusty stab back.:
:There is more to love than sexual pleasure.:
:But that bodily act can express the love in one's heart for another.:
:It was enough that Good-eyes found comfort and companionship with his
wife. She understood his spirit. Just as your... ah, Krist-o-fer's wife did.:
I'd forgotten about Shirt-for-man. :Jes? What happened to my wife?: It's
strange to think of her that way but Chris is a part of who I've become. He
wants to know.
:Shirt-for-man disappeared.:
:How? Does your former self know anything about what happened to her?:
Jesse releases a tense breath. :Good-eyes really lost it for a while. He
turned his grief over Krist-o-fer's death to rage both at the blue-coats and
his own People. He thought only of battle and hoped to die honorably during
one but he was denied. All my former self can recall about Shirt-for-man is
that she and her daughter hadn't returned to the tribe after hiding out in
the caves with the other women and children. He didn't inquire about her
disappearance. I'm shamed to say that Good-eyes actually felt relieved not
to see that woman's face again. She reminded him too much about his own loss.:
I'm frustrated not to know my wife's fate. Without a husband to support
her, she's had to raise a daughter on her own. With-a-big-voice was that
girl's name. She was my grandmother and by taking on a white 'first' name of
Betsy, I suspect that she'd lived amongst white folks. My mother knew to
speak Siksika so her mom had retained her proud Blackfoot heritage and taught
her their ways. I really want to know what happened to Shirt-for-man. Maybe
my mom will tell me when she's ready.
"Where are you, love?"
"Sorry." I'm learning to hide my thoughts from Jes. I revert to Mind Talk.
:You were saying that Good-eyes loved his wife. Did he... enjoy having sex
with her?: My former self loathed being with Shirt-for-man. He'd done it to
try gaining acceptance for him by the tribe. A daughter was its only result.
:Good-eyes expressed his manhood with Bright-are-her-moccasins. It
satisfied him yet he was denied the fulfillment from the rear part of his
body during those first years to his marriage.:
:He did eventually give himself to men.:
:No. To boys,: Answers Jesse. He Opens himself to Reveal memories from
his former self.
After Owopspec was a few years into his marriage that resulted in a son
who survived his first winter, he was given the chance to return to his
wanderlust. He traveled far to explore the Grandmother Country that had
become his band's new home. U.S. soldiers didn't cross into Canada to make
war upon them. Owopspec left behind wife and child for moons at a time. He
visited with other Blackfoot Clans and tribes friendly to them. They offered
Good-eyes the hospitality and respect they'd give any chief. They didn't know
about the indiscretions in his youth. They surfaced when Owopspec gave in to
his lust.
Boys who shared Owopspec's spirit were sought out. It was the look in
their eyes, revealing expressions on their cute faces and especially their
poles that turned hard when the man went swimming in the river with them that
proved this was so. Owopspec pleasured those youths in hand, sucked stiff
poles and he even gave them his butt. Few could squirt in him but he enjoyed
feeling their manly attempts in sticking up his hole, little hands clutching
his waist, thrill-filled gasps and at climax to hear their joyous high
pitched cries. Being with such boys gave vent to the man's submerged desire.
Owopspec also instructed those boys that love could be realized with their
own sex. The youths honored him by keeping what they'd shared a secret. That
didn't always prove so.
A boy of twelve named Seeks-dark-holes (because he was often away from
camp to explore caverns in the foothills) showed Owopspec one of his better
discoveries. That in turn led to them discovering their attraction for each
other. It was only sex. The youth had 'messed around' with his friends as
boys do but he'd never used a man. A six feathered chief at that! Owopspec
tried teaching this boy about heart felt love but he only wanted the man's
ass. He was entering puberty but already, his dick was of size to put braves
a handful of years his senior to shame. Owopspec enjoyed getting mounted by
so endowed a youth. His dick had reach into his asshole to give him that
woman's pleasure he craved for.
They spent six days exploring the caverns. It was a vast complex of rooms,
pools and phallic stone formations that hung down from high roofs or sprouted
up from the stone floors at their feet. Torch light revealed these wonders.
Seeks-dark-holes' front flap revealed his own impressive 'stalagmite'.
Owopspec enjoyed riding it and though the boy's release at that age was weak
(not true seed but watery sweet), he was often feeling the urge to fuck so
the man wrapped his lengthy breechclout around his waist to bare his butt
like when he was a brave wearing only a meager strip hanging down between his
cheeks. Seeks-dark-holes proved true to his name. He entered Owopspec's
'cavern hole' when the need struck him. At least a hand in finger count per
day! The boy eagerly rode that six feathered chief more out of sense of
conquest and sexual relief than for love. Owopspec didn't feel shamed though.
Seeks-dark-holes didn't permit the man's seed to touch him even when
Owopspec offered him a 'growing up' rite. The boy claimed that his balls
already held the promise of manhood that his big dick had already achieved.
No getting the man off in hand, belly rubs or through sucking on his cock.
Owopspec relieved himself while the boy fucked him. The thrill from taking
stabs in his ass combined with pulling over his cock expressed his two spirit
self. He'd grown to enjoy mounting his wife but the rear part of his body had
went unsatisfied.
During their respite in penetrating into new caverns (or into an asshole),
Chief Good-eyes gave the boy instruction on what it meant to love a man.
Seeks-dark-holes only paid lip service to such words. He'd rather hear battle
accounts where the warrior had earned his six eagle feathers. The boy was
only twelve so he'd have to wait three more summers before being named a
brave who could go on such exploits and gain honor for himself. He wondered
how a man who submitted himself like a squaw could have been made a chief.
Owopspec should have listened less to the urges of his butt and harkened
to the warnings in his heart about that lustful boy. Upon returning to camp,
he was the last to learn that Seeks-dark-holes was spreading boasts around
the Blood's Tribe. That as a mere boy, he'd conquered a six feathered chief
with his dick up that willing man's ass. Boyhood friends were first given
that lusty account. It quickly spread to their parents, warriors and then to
the tribal council of Elders. They didn't confront Chief Good-eyes since it
wasn't the boy who got 'raped'. Good-eyes' loss of respect by the other men
proved difficult to endure. He parted the Blood's band that night but not
before giving Seeks-dark-holes a feather in public ceremony. Good-eyes said
that this boy have a fiery spirit which would make him renowned in battle if
wisdom tempered his judgment. They were words of double meaning that wasn't
lost on the other men.
Chief Good-eyes didn't return to the Blood's Clan for a handful of years.
He found youths who shared his spirit amongst other bands who were willing to
heed his teachings. His bad experience with Seeks-dark-holes taught him to
be careful. News of that boy reached his ears and it saddened him. As a brave
named Fire Heart, he never won acclaim in battle but suffered banishment.
That was because a ten year old boy named Shy Eyes had been repeatedly raped
by him. A man is accountable for such actions and it was lucky that he wasn't
put to death. Fire Heart hadn't listened to his teachings of love which had
there been between brave and boy, it wouldn't have been rape but the joyful
expression of love between them. What brave Fire Heart did to Shy Eyes came
from lust and his need for conquest. It was said that the little boy didn't
break his silence to his parents until after a year of being with that man.
He was two spirited but denied Fire Heart's love, had tattled on him in
anger. Good-eyes knew that the youth's heart had probably been broken while
he suffered guilt for getting his 'lover' banished.
Good-eyes traveled to the Blood's Clan with his intent to console that
troubled youth. It was too late. Shy Eyes had run off after Fire Heart and
he was found dead in the plains at the hands of enemy warriors. The Cree, it
was believed though the rain soaked ground had muddied the moccasin prints.
The boy had been badly used. Bite marks covered his butt so there was no
doubt as to what those men had done to the boy. Good-eyes had a dream later
where he Saw Shy Eyes surrendering himself willingly to that party of five
enemy warriors. They enjoyed the youth for a few days then tossed him away
like a gnawed bone by slaying him, fearing to allow his growth to manhood
where Shy Eyes could have had a change of heart and sought revenge upon those
five Cree warriors.
Jesse returns to himself. We're still holding each other with hard cocks
pressed together. No wet bellies in spite of the exciting parts to his former
self's sad tale. :Jes?: I'm wetting my lips then Voice my concern to him.
:You're gonna be named a shaman of the People when you follow in your
grandfather's footsteps.:
:Like Good-eyes was before him. So?:
:You know how your former self had lost the respect of the Blood's Clan. I
don't want our tribe to look down on you for being gay. Not because you're
with one guy - me. What I mean is that if you give your butt to lots of men,
word will spread of it like Seeks-dark-holes had done to shame Owopspec.:
:I won't deny being two spirited!:
I'm surprised by such resolve in Jesse. It's almost like he's Seen...
:Jes? Do you know what the years ahead will bring for us?:
:Happiness, love.:
:And for other guys who cross your path?:
:Yes.:
:What will the People think about you?:
:I don't really care.:
:Jesse!: I'm reaching down to slap over his little butt. :You don't mean
that. As Inspired One, it's your responsibility to lead the People into the
Light. You need their respect to do so.:
:Respect is earned and not given even by so revered a man as grandfather
for naming me his successor. He has set my feet along the path but I'm the
one who has to walk it. That spirit from the bundle has Geased us to bring a
truth to the People. You and I will fulfill it for those in the tribe who
need us. My grandfather was a good shaman for his time. Things have changed,
love. The youths today no longer believe in evil spirits.:
:But they exist. I've seen it with my own eyes and believe they are so!:
:That is true. Eli Kie's evil spell had been cast on Simon and myself. It
is because we believe such things can happen that they hold sway over us.
Mike? I have Foreseen the decline to Tricksters and the Power of the Dark
Master. If Charms A Bird is successful in countering Eli Kie, Evil will have
lost a powerful servant on our Mother.:
:What about that man who remained behind who was in training by Eli Kie?:
:He is not yet a Trickster and may never be. What I'm trying to tell you
is that my service as Inspired One will be to help those who share our spirit
to find happiness and fulfillment. I won't be shaking my rattle at patients
to rid them of evil spirits. Instead, you and I will be changing the way
people think from old prejudices and such.:
:You mean how they think about us being gay. We'll make them accept us?:
:Make them, love? No. Yet through our good example, many of the People
especially the young will understand that we're no different from other
loving couples. The 'lost ones' will be brought back into the Light and thus
deny Evil from turning them to Darkness by their hatred of self for who they
are inside. New Tricksters will be denied the Dark Master.:
:You've Foreseen all that?:
:Not exactly how it will happen but I'm Sensing the shape of things to
come, love. It's already started with the Gay Pride movement. If not for the
AIDS epidemic, our cause for acceptance would be much farther along now.:
Maybe Evil had inflicted AIDS on us.:
:I don't know but not only those who are gay suffer from that disease. It
was labeled as such by Christian leaders and politicians to put gay people
down. Minorities throughout the ages have been labeled as being bad for one
reason or another. All lies! That's what happened to the Jews during World
War II and before them, the black slaves even after they were freed. My own
People suffer from prejudice. When persons of courage stand up to make these
injustices known, it opens the eyes of the People. Things change for the
better. You and I will.:
I'm amazed to hear such wisdom from my lover. He's sounding so grown up.
:Your thoughts love. So loud sometimes!: Jesse giggles. :I have old
wisdom to draw upon now that I'm not having to fear being possessed by my
former self. Good-eyes may have lived long ago but what he's learned can be
brought through to the Now. He's amazed by the changes to our society.:
:Yeah. We have more efficient ways to kill lots of people.:
:Don't be such a skeptic, love! It's true that our world could end in an
hour but many things have changed for the better. Each day we survive such a
holocaust, we mature as human beings and value life more to where using such
terrible weapons will be unthinkable. There's more freedom for everyone today.
Kings used to ruled over lands where most of his subjects were ignorant
laborers who struggled each day to simply stay alive. Now, people have more
control over their lives to pursue happiness.:
I'm not feeling in control of mine. "Jesse?" I wet my lips to say more
but the words remain stuck in my mouth. He peers up at me. There's a worried
look in his eyes that makes me even more reluctant to speak.
"Tell me what worries you, love."
It's hard to deny Jesse. He's looking at me with those gorgeous eyes of
his and I know that he wants to comfort me. Not only by being in my arms but
to give me peace of mind through our talks. I wet my lips. "Why do we have to
serve others? Why can't we simply be together in happiness without all these
troubles? I didn't know it was gonna be so hard!"
"You chose this path to walk. Did you not run away from an unhappy life of
being a computer programmer that was denying your humanity?"
I'm slowly nodding.
"Of all the places you could have gone on vacation, you came here to find
me. Again. It must seem like you didn't have any say in this. That things
happened beyond your control as if it were fate that we met, found the Power
Bundle and that it's ensnared us."
That's exactly how I'm feeling at this moment. Jes knows this because he's
Connected to me so what I need to hear is why. "It shouldn't be so difficult
to have a happy life with you." I was gonna say 'a normal life' instead.
"We are together that otherwise would not have happened, Short Hair. Your
feet started down the path of your choosing. It has led to me. Remember how I
was before that spirit from the Power Bundle filled us and made us One?"
I'm nodding in remembrance. Jes was suffering from autism that shut him
out from most of the world. Wasn't it through my love that brought him out?
If that's the Power Bundle instead, then it puts everything I thought had
been from my doing in question. Even to falling in love with him. No! That is
unworthy of me. It wasn't Indian magic. I'm shutting my eyes to deny that.
"I know how difficult it's been for you! Anything that is worthwhile such
as love and freedom must be fought for. Being gay as it is thought of now by
people requires that we struggle to open their eyes to the truth. That we are
no different from a straight couple who love each other. We have a chance to
not only help ourselves but others who share our spirit."
"Yeah, okay." I'm still not convinced that we had to take this path.
Jesse kisses me and turns around in my arms. He presses his butt against my
limp dick. That reminds me. :You're gonna be giving your ass to other guys.:
:My former self was a butt slut in his youth. Kris didn't mind him being
with other needing men.:
:No... He didn't mind when he understood Owopspec's spirit.:
:And how did Kris come to accept that?:
:Well. He knew it was only for sex or him performing that 'medicine rite'
to protect his braves in battle when he stuck into their butts. Owopspec's
strongest love was for the two boys living in his tipi. It's what was in his
heart that's important.:
:I love the man I'm in bed with now,: Answers Jesse. :My body will be
given to needing men out of pleasure or to help them come to terms that it's
alright to be gay. Seed passed between men won't bring forth a new life.
That's why marriage was set forth as a covenant of commitment between a man
and a woman to ensure that children will only come about from their union.:
I'm swallowing past the hard lump in my throat. :Then why are we getting
'married' Jes?:
:We didn't call it that in our invitations, did we? Yet what grandfather
will perform for us is our pledge of commitment to love each other in the
People's eyes. We'll take care of each other in sickness and in health, in
good times and in bad and all that. We love each other already in our hearts!
Do not feel bad or doubt our commitment to each other if I'm getting fucked
by other guys. Sexual energy needs a healthy release than keeping it bottled
up. That's how the Dark Master ensnares his servants by redirecting this pent
up power of his tricksters towards hatred of those who live free and happily.:
I'm getting it. :Jes? You will ask me first before sticking your butt at
some guy.:
:Yes, love. There will come a time where you won't be so concerned about
it. Shaman Charms A Bird has Protected us from getting a sexual disease. My
heart won't be stolen away by another man though I have much love to share.
Even for a boy.:
I'm not gonna get into a fight over Simon right now so I let that slide.
Jesse wiggles his ass against me. I can't help but get hard and know that
we'll be fucking each other in a moment. My mouth goes to Jesse's sweaty
neck to kiss him. He moans in response.
:I had a really vivid dream Friday night.: Says Jesse.
:Yeah?: That was when he was sleeping in the front room with Simon when
sickness had overcome him.
:Don't get mad if I tell you. Okay?:
I'm releasing a sharp breath. :Okay. I promise not to get mad.:
:It's a rather exciting dream, love. You may end up 'living' it with me
and I'll get a wet butt before you know it.:
That makes me laugh. :Tell me!: All the tension Jes is feeling falls away
when he giggles. I like hearing that from him. My hands are tightly held
against his chest.
:It's not one of my former self's memories. In my dream, Good-eyes had
come forward to this time where he saw guys wearing blue jeans, driving
campers and talking on cell phones. He was standing in my body and seeing
those things through my eyes. You were with him as Krist-o-fer. We took off
our clothes and joined a whole bunch of naked guys on some field. It was
dark. Everyone stood around a bonfire and talked, not minding that we went
without any clothes though hungry eyes sized up partners for the night. You
had a bunch of brown skinned men in your sight.:
:Jesse!:
:It was only a dream, love.:
Hmm. I know that Jesse has the gift of Sight so maybe what he's about to
tell me is gonna happen.
:I think it was a gay nudist meet or something,: continues Jesse. :They
knew I was shaman of the Blackfoot but it didn't freak them out. No one would
say anything about what would happen that night to bring me shame in the eyes
of my People unlike what Seeks-dark-holes had done to shame Chief Good-eyes.
Oh! I kept burning my marshmallows.:
"Huh?" I blurt out. Jesse Sends me an image of his flaming stick. The
marshmallows he stuck on it kept burning up in the bonfire. :That was dumb of
you. Everyone knows that it's easier to brown them over the coals.:
:I didn't. You showed me that I could pull off the burnt outer part. It
was gooey though. Later that night, we did return to the bonfire after it'd
burned down to coals but by then, all the marshmallows had been eaten up.:
I'm almost afraid to Ask. :What happened before we met up again?:
:You had never left my side, love. There was this big tent. After the
singing around the bonfire and getting lots of hugs, a lot of guys went to
sleep there or rather that came later after lots of love making.: Jesse
hesitates for a moment. :Don't get mad.:
:It was only a dream. I hope it's as vivid as you were saying!:
:It was, love. I'm surprised that I didn't wet to Simon's blanket that
night because my dream was so exciting. I must have been too sick.:
My kisses have returned to Jesse's left shoulder. He smells really good.
A lime skin scent and the odor of his sweat. It's getting me real horny.
:I remember the smell of men's bodies laying all around us in that tent,:
Says Jesse. :As the night wore on, there were other smells. Musky and sweet.
We could only see the outlines of naked guys in the candles that were hung
above us by wires. Very romantic! You and I made love together first. Lots of
kisses but we didn't get wet bellies because we were saving ourselves for
later. My butt was fondled by someone. You pushed me off your chest and
prepared me to get fucked by that needing man with your tongue. He then got
on top of me. You held his flexing butt as mine was taken. I don't know if it
was a white guy, black, Asian or Native. It was quite a mixed bunch around
the bonfire though more than half of them were white.:
:I didn't mind that you were getting fucked by someone we didn't even
know?: Jesse's dream reminds me too much about Running Water's account of
getting fucked at Bearpaw.
:No. He may have been someone who hugged me at the bonfire. There were so
many names given us in introduction. Mike? I remember them all.:
I'm not surprised. Anything Jesse has heard gets stuck in his mind like a
tape recorder. He's autistic. Too much was going into his head where he was
drowning. That's how I'm helping my lover to cope through our Connection by
filtering out a lot of that noise for him.
:You had rimmed my ass to make it ready for him to fuck me, love. He
wasn't the only one.:
I'm Sensing Jesse's concern that I'll be mad. :Tell me! How many guys
gave you a wet butt that night?:
:It was more than you got,: Says Jesse. He giggles nervously.
:What? I let my ass get fucked too!:
:Yes, love. We laid close together on our bellies and kissed while guy
after guy covered our backs. Our arms crossed when reaching to their humping
butts as we both got fucked. Other men were making love all around us.:
:I can't believe that I'd allow it!:
:In my dream, you had put Krist-o-fer's self forward in you while
Good-eyes assumed my body. Otherwise, we would have been too shy. It was our
first orgy with other guys and we permitted our former selves to enjoy
themselves. Later, we left the tent and I sat in your lap at the bonfire as
ourselves again. We remembered what happened but didn't regret any of it.:
:Did we satisfy ourselves with them?:
:No. With each other, love! A mat had been brought out of the tent with us
and we took turns fucking each other. You noticed how slippery my asshole was
from six guys doing me earlier and that really excited you. Your butt was
taken by three men doing yours. Only Natives as I recall. You insisted on
asking for their names before allowing them to lay over your back. So
particular, love!:
:If I were to get fucked, I'd only want Indians to do me.:
:That's what I mean, love. What does it matter if a cock is brown, pink,
yellow or black so long as you're giving that man sexual relief? It was dark
in that tent.:
:Are we really gonna turn into butt sluts, Jes?:
:It was only a dream.:
Jesse Said that but we both suspect it may portend to something that'll
happen to us in the future. Indiscriminate sex. Where's the love in that?
:We'd spent hours in that tent getting to know everyone,: defends Jesse.
:Beyond getting fucked, guys hugged us and we enjoyed their kisses. Even you!
We crawled around to touch huddling forms making love, kisses to mouths and
every body part imaginable. You'd sat on Bend-in-the-wind's butt while he was
fucking that white guy below him.:
:How did you know his name?: I Ask.
:Bend-in-the-wind moaned a lot so I recognized his voice. In his hair, a
round silver broach was felt by my hand that I'd admired when he stood at the
bonfire. You had been admiring his nice brown ass. That nearly tempted you to
make it a threesome with him in the middle of two white guys yet you saved
yourself for me. I suppose that's where we drew the line. To only express the
front part of our bodies in love for each other. My former self who had come
forward in my body at the time didn't recognize that distinction. Kris did.
Good-eyes honored his white lover and kept his sperm from spilling to another
in that tent.:
:Well. Like you've said, it was only a dream.:
:I hope that it wasn't just that, love.:
:A vision of something that's gonna happen? You can't mean that Jes!:
:I do. Mike! I'd rather you give your butt freely to them guys than to
have it raped in prison.:
That's a sobering thought. Part of me clings to the hope that Jesse has
Foreseen us going to that gay nudist meet. Does he know if we'll be laying in
that tent months from now, a year or after I'm thirty five years old when my
term is served in prison? Jesse doesn't Answer me. I've been guarding my
thoughts from him just now.
"Where are you, love?"
It aches me that Jesse had to ask that out loud. "Turn around, my love."
He does so and I'm held in his long arms. My right arm reaches around him. I
clutch the bundle containing our wedding rings in my left hand. "Hear my
pledge, Jes-ee-ah. I swear to only give my love to you with the manly release
from my cock. From behind me, I may satisfy other men as you've Foreseen."
I'm rubbing against my lover in the joy of my spoken commitment to him.
"I hear your oath, Mike Short Hair. Now hear mine."
Jesse's right hand comes around mine that's clutching our wedding rings.
"I swear to only express my love to you in the manly release from my...
cock. My butt is freely given to others so they will be given a needed
release for pleasure's sake or to help them accept their gay spirit."
"I hear your sworn oath and know not any others that you have broken." We
kiss to seal our solemn vows.
:Love! What about when you are with Running Water?:
:He has another man to turn to now,: I Answer. :I'm not jealous of my
brother but happy that he's with Murl.:
:It may only be for sex like you suspect, love.:
:Then so be it.:
:Mike. Your oath doesn't prevent you from being with my uncle.:
:No. It doesn't. He can fuck my ass but I won't fill his with my sperm. It
only goes to you from now on.:
:You can pull out at the end,: suggests Jesse, :or not cum at all.:
:Jes. The manly function of my cock will only be used to express my utter
commitment of my love for you. I won't be with Running Water that way.:
:Love!:
It aches my heart to deny my brother that part of my love for him yet I'm
strengthening my commitment to Jesse. He'll have Murl's cock to satisfy his
hot ass. If that man doesn't like to get fucked, I'm not prevented by my vow
to give Running Water his release in my butt.
:You will still kiss my uncle, love!: Jesse demands. :Don't deny that
part of yourself to express how you both feel for each other.:
:Very well. I know it probably seems silly to have bound our cocks to each
other per our vow but it's of meaning for me to do so right now. I need to
have this distinction, Jes. Knowing where to draw the line.:
:I understand, love. Our oaths are like the rock we can cling to when men
enter our lives. I believe that in the years ahead when you and I have no
doubts about what love is or our utter commitment to each other, we'll come
to realize that our seed given to others won't harm our love.:
I'm nodding in agreement. :My head knows this truth already, Jes. It's my
heart that still struggles with what love is.: Tears fill my eyes. I'm both
relieved and feeling a bit silly that we've made those vows because a cock's
release whether it's to piss urine or cum is but a simple bodily function.
:You are not being silly. We are both new to love, yet we're already using
what we've learned to teach a boy what love is from the heart! You are right.
Simon was being confused by the pleasure of that act which he mistook for
being love. I won't be with him that way anymore. Not until he's older and
wiser. Can you forgive what I've done with him in our bed yesterday?:
I give Jesse a kiss. He doesn't need to Hear my assurance that this is
so. We kiss some more until our bodies express the deep love in our hearts
that we have for each other. A belly rub may not feel as pleasurable as
fucking but in this way, we can kiss and both act as men together.
Our hands pull over each other in beat to our tom-tom strikes in front.
Love sings in our hearts. Jes gets very passionate with his kisses and we
take turns sucking on each other's tongues. I love it! Wet and long, they're
kinda like dicks that our lips squeeze around to offer the other pleasure.
Heavy breaths blow from our noses. My lover is grunting deep in his throat.
I'm Feeling his intense thrills and from Sharing our thoughts know that he's
about to complete himself as a man. My cock savages his. We frantically pull
over each other's butts. An outcry!
I feel Jesse's squirts to my belly. In my head, his explosion of utter
pleasure sets my cock off and I'm cumming to his. We're both moaning. It's
really great being male 'cause feeling that liquid warmth between us is a
kind of proof that we've just made loved. An ending to our sweet act. We pant
for breaths through our mouths. Sexual relief envelops us that helps ease our
weary bodies into sleep.
A dream comes to me in the night. Jesse and I hold each other naked in
our arms. The People look on with wonder. The bad times in our lives leave
welts over our backs as if from a cruel whip yet the strength of our love
for each other endures. The good times offer our butts pleasure from the many
men who pass through our lives yet the strength of our love endures and
neither of us turn to them. We are two halves to a whole. That Power Bundle's
spirit dwelling in us is of Power we wield for the good. Evil cannot touch
us. Hatred and fear turns to love and acceptance. We walk in the Light and
others who share our spirit are led along our Father's Path.
An old Indian saying goes: 'It is a good day to die'. That was said when
overwhelming forces such as an army of soldiers were coming to rub the People
out. Jes and I would have said instead, 'It was a good life we've lived' for
we have remained true to our spirit in spite of what others say or think.
Each turn of the Wheel gives us a chance to learn this truth. Who I was as
Chris is reborn in this next turning of life. My advantage is that I've not
forgotten the lessons he's Passed on to me. Jes-ee-ah has his former self's
experiences to draw upon. Together, our two halves have Joined into a greater
whole which the People shall look upon with wonder and so open their hearts
to a truth that'll enhance their experience on our Mother. Until that next
turn of the Wheel, may you too find happiness and fulfillment in your life by
remaining true to your spirit. May our Father smile upon thee.
I'm driving over to Mr. Talbert's office in Havre. I've left Jesse at
home. Winna is working today. She's gonna call that Jesuit school to ask if
she and her son can come down to see Jake on Wednesday after they fly down to
South Dakota tonight. I won't be going with them.
Something Jes said before I left the house sticks in my mind. It's been
replaying in my head over and over again. 'Why must you go to that meeting?'
he asked me. I answered, 'I'm gonna Glean what evil Mr. Benton has done. Not
only to me but to his other victims.' Jesse seemed troubled though. He gave
me a long hug in the doorway as if afraid to let me go. We parted. As I went
out the front door, he Sent me a strange plea: 'Come back to me, Short Hair.'
I park in front of the building where I'm to meet Mr. Talbert. The keys to
my pickup truck are pocketed. As I'm about to open my door, my thoughts fly
back to what Jesse asked me. Why is he afraid I won't come back to him? Of
course I will! We'll have some time together before his mom comes off work.
Then they'll be off on that flight to see Jake. I won't see my lover again
until Sunday evening so maybe that's what Jes is worried about. He wants to
enjoy this afternoon with me before we're separated for five days. I'll rush
back home after this meeting to be in his arms.
My lawyer is glad that I've arrived early to his office. He's expecting
Mr. Benton to arrive in the next fifteen minutes so I'm given an earful about
keeping quiet while he handles all the legal matters. A Discovery meeting is
simply an exchange of evidence both sides will be presenting at my trial. Mr.
Talbert doesn't have anything new to declare but the prosecutor claims that
he does beyond that preliminary report from Internal Affairs that supposedly
'clears' Lt. John Danielson and my cell guard from misconduct. Yeah, right.
I wonder what Mr. Benton is gonna show us. What's this new evidence of his?
There's a knock on our conference room door. A shudder runs through me
when I see two men standing behind the secretary outside. Mr. Talbert waves
for them to enter. Mr. Benton comes in first. He's wearing a suit and tie
that lends him a confident appearance yet on his face, I see doubt. That's
what I'm Gleaning from him. Following behind is his assistant, Mr. Laxer.
He's also wearing a suit. Several folders are held in his hands that likely
contain the Discovery they've brought us. My attorney greets Mr. Benton. Both
smile, shaking hands like they're old friends. If it were me, I'd be breaking
his fingers instead. Mr. Laxer shakes hands with him. Then they sit down at
the table where I've remained seated.
Mr. Benton looks at me. The smile on his face has been replaced by a cool
demeanor. I meet his gaze, offering the man a wicked grin to warn that I'm
here to do battle with him though he doesn't have an inkling as to the weapon
I bear against him. Indian magic is great!
"Ah... Mr. Yager. Please understand that I won't be addressing you during
this meeting. All communication should go through your attorney."
I'm nodding in understanding. Mr. Talbert has already explained that it's
improper for the prosecutor to speak to me and especially not to ask me any
questions. That's how Lt. John Danielson erred when he brought me down to the
police station to question me about his brother's murder. I wonder if that's
mentioned in Internal Affair's preliminary report? Being interrogated without
my lawyer present was a violation of my civil rights. Mr. Benton realizes
this but it doesn't concern him from what I Glean. I was free to go after
refusing to answer the lieutenant's questions. No harm done supposedly.
"Okay. What do you have to declare?" Mr. Talbert sternly asks.
I'm glad that my attorney has dropped his friendly attitude from earlier.
Mr. Benton turns to his assistant. Mr. Laxer hands him several folders which
he peers into for a moment before pushing them across the table towards us.
Mr. Talbert is looking through the stapled sets of papers.
"You've already given me these statements at our last Discovery meeting.
I've obtained the reports from the Havre Police station." Mr. Talbert looks
through the second folder in front of him.
"I just want to make sure that you have everything," Mr. Benton explains.
"That's the preliminary report."
My lawyer is looking through it. I turn to Mr. Benton and stare at him. An
uneasy feeling comes to me that he's changed something to the contents of the
first folder. Some factual reporting. I'm trying to Glean what that is when
I See the way Mr. Benton has manipulated people. He 'owns' that man in the
Havre Internal Affairs who turned from investigating Lt. John Danielson's
acts of misconduct to Captain Ruston. Now, Mr. Benton owns John for saving
his butt. There are other people in power that he can influence. A court
clerk. She's 'corrected' something for him that involves... My concentration
is broken when Mr. Benton slaps the table with the palm of his hand. He's
noticed my staring. We glare at each other for a uneasy moment.
Mr. Laxer has one remaining folder in his hand. It's the real reason why
they've come to meet with us. Me, in particular. Mr. Benton smiles like the
wolf who's about to fall on his prey when he gestures for his assistant to
hand it over.
"This is the new evidence I spoke of."
My eyes are glued to the folder that Mr. Talbert opens to examine its
contents. It's a thick stack of papers. He peers over the cover page then
leafs through the following pages at random. "What is it?" I ask.
"I'll tell you later," mutters Mr. Talbert.
I'm scolding myself for having asked. My lawyer had warned me not to say
anything during the meeting or give any reaction in front of the prosecutors.
I glare at Mr. Benton. He meets my eyes briefly and what I see in them scares
me. A look of victory. I'm Gleaning why that is and it feels like I've been
punched in the stomach. Hard.
"How did this come into your hands?" asks Mr. Talbert. He glances through
the English rendering to this document he's heard much about but never seen
for himself.
Mr. Benton speaks right up. "I've established a chain of custody for this
new evidence by sworn affidavits. The park manager, Mr. Cavallero had found
Ron Earlman's diary in his trailer's bedroom dresser after his death where
it was put into a locked storage shed inside a drum your client demanded to
have and was given. Mr. Yager has confirmed this through his statements that
are part of the public record. Lt. Scott Danielson made a true copy of the
original diary book for translation by Professor Klein. He came by yesterday
afternoon to surrender it to me. You'll note his sworn statement that it had
come to him by the lieutenant for the purpose of finding any leads in his
investigation into Mr. Earlman's murder."
"Does it?" asks Mr. Talbert.
Mr. Benton shrugs his shoulders.
"How does this diary bear upon your case against Mr. Yager?"
Again, Mr. Benton shrugs his shoulders in a gesture of refusing to answer
that question.
"Hmm. As I recall, Lt. Scott Danielson's statement claims that he did not
receive any evidence from my client during his visit on April 16th."
"Actually... the lieutenant said that Mr. Yager had refused to hand over
items to him that had been taken from Mr. Cavallero so your client was placed
under arrest for obstructing his investigation. That's when Mr. Earlman's
diary was found on him. Mr. Yager confirms that he'd surrendered it to that
officer. I believe that you are in possession of a copy of this diary. You'll
find that my copy compares to yours. Professor Klein is highly regarded in
the field of German literature. He's attested to the accuracy of translating
this diary into English."
I've been sitting frozen in my chair during their exchange. Mr. Benton has
Ron's diary! That man had written about having sex with Jes and it's gonna
come out at my trial. That's what prosecution is counting on. He'll establish
that I'd savagely attacked Lt. Scott Danielson to protect my 'gay' lover. The
jury's attention will become focused on our homosexuality instead of the
facts at hand. It's Mr. Benton's hope that I'll take his plea bargain than
face humiliation for myself and especially for Jesse to prevent his tribe
from learning that Ron was fucking around with him. The support we've been
given by the Blackfoot would evaporate.
"I don't see how Mr. Earlman's diary has anything to do with my client,"
says Mr. Talbert. "The last entry he'd written was in November 22nd of 2002
before Mr. Yager even came to Montana."
Mr. Benton smiles. "It concerns your client's Indian friend named Jesse
and establishes a motive for his savage attack upon Lt. Scott Danielson." He
pulls out a folded piece of paper from his vest pocket and hands it over.
"The district attorney is concerned about the tension building in this town.
It was unfortunate that the Havre police department misplaced the Blackfoot
Tribe's bundle. The former police chief has much to answer for. My boss...
ah, Mr. Ralston wants to prevent an outbreak of violence from the Native
community by bringing this matter to a quick closer. Therefore, I've been
directed to present your client with this plea bargain."
What's this? I'd already been offered a plea bargain that Mr. Talbert
advised me was pretty bad. It was. Ten years in prison! If I were to fight
the charge against me in court and lose, my sentencing would still be from
8-12 years. Mr. Benton's offer was no 'bargain' at all.
"If Mr. Yager pleads guilty to that indictment of attempted murder of a
police officer, he'll only serve three and half years in a minimum security
prison and five years probation. With good behavior, he could get out in two.
In addition, all evidence in this case will be sealed."
There's a sly grin on Mr. Benton's lips when he looks at me. Mr. Talbert
studies the D.A.'s new offer. Only three and a half years in prison? Mr.
Benton is also offering to keep Ron's diary out of the public eye as well.
No one will know that Jes and him had sex together. I'm considering this plea
bargain when I Glean that Mr. Benton has used this ploy before to beat down
his victims into submission. Anger builds in me. Not only for him but at Ron!
Why do I have to sacrifice myself for him? It's his fault for documenting his
sexual conquests of Jesse in his diary. Stupid of him! I'm not gonna go to
prison to prevent Ron's name from being blackened amongst the Indian tribes
he's helped.
My shoulders slump in defeat. I would... for Jesse's sake. To protect him
as I've done when intercepting Eli Kie's mailing to Winna. It all seems so
unfair! I wish that I'd never seen Ron's diary. I should have let it lie
forgotten in Running Water's drum my park manager had kept in his shed. I
also wish that I've never gotten myself involved with the tribe's bundle.
Jes and I could have done without it. We don't needs its power. Now, I'm
having to take the fall for Ron's actions. Damn! Damn! Damn!!
I glare at Mr. Benton and something worse is Gleaned from him. My eyes
widen in horror when I learn that Winna's phone has been tapped. A judge
granted that order after Scott Danielson was murdered in his hospital bed and
Mr. Benton had named me the primary suspect he wanted to investigate. He's
heard everything that's been said on our phone! A translation from Siksika
was given him this morning of Goes-late-in-the-night's conversation with me
concerning his grandson. Mr. Benton suspects that Jes and I are having sex
with the boy! He'll haul Simon's ass into court and make him say so. More
trouble for us. God damn it!!
I'm feeling stunned for blaspheming my Lord yet I can't take it back for
the situation He's put me in! The low growl coming from my throat attracts
everyone's attention. I see Mr. Benton trying to hide his satisfaction but
not very well. Victory shines in his eyes. Utter rage bursts out of me.
"Get out!"
"What?" blurts Mr. Benton.
"I said get out!" I'm rising to my feet and point at the door.
"Mike. Calm down," pleads Mr. Talbert.
"You've done what you've came here to do. Now... leave!" Mr. Benton and
his assistant get up from their chairs. Their eyes are on me. Fear is in them
that I may lash out as I've struck Scott Danielson down. I'm barely keeping
control of my rage.
"Our plea bargain will expire this Monday morning," whispers Mr. Benton.
"If your client decides to go ahead with a trial, I'll prove that his brutal
attack on that police officer went beyond simply defending his friend. He
faces many years in prison and won't likely see the light of day until 2015."
I slowly return to my chair. Mr. Benton is trying to bait me into acting
on my rage so I'm forcing myself to calm down. Mr. Talbert's hand comes to my
shoulder. We end up alone in the conference room.
"Mike... Are you alright?"
"No. I'm not." Damn! Mr. Benton has caught me in his trap from which
there's no escape. If I fight him in court, everyone will learn that Ron has
had sex with Jes and my own gay relationship with him will come out. It won't
be viewed as the loving act it is but something terrible and ugly. The jury
will be convinced that I'd beaten Scott Danielson up to protect our secret;
not because he was pointing his gun at my lover. Then there's that matter of
having sex with a minor. If Simon is forced to admit to it in court, we're
dead! To protect Jesse's good name and that of Ron's as well as preventing
an additional charge against me for child molestation, I have to accept that
plea bargain. But three and a half years in prison?! I'm scared. I don't
deserve to be locked up with real criminals!
"What is in Mr. Earlman's diary?" asks Mr. Talbert. "How does it concern
your friend, Jesse?"
I'm grabbing that diary zerox and hold it against my chest to prevent him
from finding out. Too many people already know!
"Mike. I need to review it if I'm to prepare for your defense. Mr. Benton
already knows and he's obviously going to use it against you."
I'm forced to look Mr. Talbert in the eye. He startles at my deadly gaze.
"It's gonna end on Monday. I don't want anyone to know what Ron has written
in his diary even if that means I'll go to prison for it." Hearing those
words from my mouth brings such anguish to my heart! Oh, Jesse... I have to
do this for you! For both of us.
"Are you considering that plea bargain?" asks Mr. Talbert. "Tell me why!"
I'm pushing against the table to get away from him. My chair tumbles over.
I run out of the room, past a startled woman sitting at the reception desk
and flee out the door. Ron's diary zerox is clutched at my side. As much as
I want to cast it away, I'm unable to. The trouble it has caused! There must
be some way to escape the trap. Somewhere I can run to. I catch sight of my
pickup truck and that's the last thing I remember before darkness takes me...
I come to. I'm sitting over a grassy field that's covered in snow. No. Not
snow but bits of white paper that are blowing around in the wind. I look down
at my hands. They're hurting. Fine cuts cover them that makes me realize I've
torn up Ron's diary zerox and had cast it about. There's an aching in my head.
I'm rubbing my temples and try to remember how I got here. Where's my truck?
It's spotted in the distance. I get to my feet and stagger towards it
while feeling something broken inside my head. My eyes widen in alarm. I'm
unable to Sense Jesse! I try Sending my thoughts out to him. Nothing.
The driver's side door is wide open. I get into my truck and rest my head
against my crossed arms over the steering wheel. 'Jesse?' I Send. My heart
skips a beat when I Sense him Calling out to me too. He's very worried. No
words are Passed between us; only how we're both feeling. A sharp pain in my
head causes me to groan out. That leaves me gasping for breath while I fight
against my fainting spell. A grayness fills my eyes...
I'm awakened by the sun on my face. My whole body is sweated while I've
been sitting in my truck in the heat. I look to my left, out my window at the
low sun and am startled to see how late it has become. A glance at my watch
proves that I've lost myself for hours! It's nearly six o'clock. What? I'm
trying to swallow in my dry throat while looking around to find out where I
am. My truck is parked beside a road. There's a sign ahead though I can't
quite make it out. I turn my key in the ignition and return to the road,
driving towards that sign. It reads: 'Wild Horse - 2 KM.' I think that's a
town which must be in Canada 'cause the distance is in kilometers. In alarm,
I turn my truck around and head south. The border here is unguarded. Highway
41 turns to route 232 when I cross back into the U.S. and the sign indicates
that Havre is forty miles away. I've gotta get back to Jesse! He must be
worried sick over me.
I'm passing the town of Simpson. My head has cleared but I can't Send my
thoughts to Jes nor Hear his. All I'm getting from him is that he's really
worried about me. I step on the gas to bring my truck up to seventy. Rolling
prairie rush past me on both sides with the occasional farm house and barn.
Fences along the road keep the cows at bay. I don't remember anything about
driving into Canada but that's where I ended up. What made me run off like
that? My hands tighten around my steering wheel in anger. I know why. I'm
trying not to think about it least I lose myself to woe and despair again.
Oh, Jes! You're gonna be off to see Jake with your mom while I face that long
week without you. Five days alone. We'll have Sunday night to be together.
Our last night 'cause come Monday, I'm gonna surrender myself to my doom...
I cry out in frustration! Then my hands struggle with the steering wheel
to right my truck after it skids along the shoulder. The road had taken a
sharp bend to the left. I'm forcing myself to calm down though my foot
presses down on the gas to get me up to eighty miles an hour. I hear the wind
whistling past my window. It reminds me of a police siren.
I ease off on the gas and look back, relief filling me. No. It was only my
imagination since there's no one following behind. My speed is down to sixty.
Another glance is taken of my watch. It's 6:20. Jes is waiting for me to
return home. I know that he won't fly out without seeing me first and
besides, Winna doesn't know how to buy tickets online. They'll have to be
driven down to Great Falls to begin their flight.
A sign announces that Havre is only five miles away. There's some traffic
joining me on the road so I ease down to fifty. My thoughts are in a flurry
about how I'm gonna explain things to Jes. The afternoon we were to spend
with each other has been lost to us. He'll want to know why. I can't tell him
that I've gone a bit crazy over my decision to accept that plea bargain on
Monday. He'll try to convince me otherwise. Maybe even refuse to fly out with
his mom to see Jake. I'm gonna have to hide it from him. Winna needs her son
with her so I won't be telling him anything so he'll go. Oh, how that aches
my heart! We'll be separated for days and only have that one night to be
together. I'll be taken into custody on Monday when pleading guilty and then
sent off to prison for three and a half years! Mr. Benton said that I could
get out in two for good behavior. I can... do that.
Tears fill my eyes so I wipe them clear to watch the road. I'm down to
forty miles an hour. There's a line of cars and trucks stopped in front of
me. I slow down at the red light. When it turns green, traffic moves ahead
into Havre. I'm feeling both anticipation and dread to get back home. I want
to see Jesse and I really need his hug! What I've decided must be kept from
him though.
I try Sending my thoughts to Jes. Nothing. Something happened to me when I
blacked out in front of Mr. Talbert's office. It's broken our Connection...
No. We're still able to Pass our feelings to each other.
I'm making that turn onto Winding Creek Road while my heart thumps hard in
my chest. Jesse won't be able to Peek in my head. I know this. It's like a
barrier from my anger and despair has been put up. Not even love will melt
it. Part of me thinks I'm acting horribly for denying my lover but I only
have to endure being so for a few hours until they're off on their trip. I'll
tell Jesse my decision Sunday night. Hopefully, we won't waste it by crying
but enjoy one last sweet hug. That'll have to carry me through those lonely
years ahead until we can be together again.
"Are you hungry, Mike?"
I'm startled from my thoughts. Winna's pickup had been parked in the
driveway so I pulled up to the curb behind a black truck. I didn't greet
Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand but rushed into the house. I was running through
the kitchen with my intent to find Jesse when his mom stopped me in my
tracks by asking that. "Not really..." I answer. Winna must have just come
home herself. Set beside her purse on the table is a bag of roast chicken
from my favorite restaurant.
"I'd like to ask you a favor," asks Winna.
I'm looking towards the bedrooms with my need to see Jesse. I turn to
the woman with much reluctance.
"Could you please go with us tonight after we've eaten?"
"Sure. Great Falls is only ninety miles away but I haven't booked your
flights yet."
"No, Mike. I mean... drive us all the way to Jake's school in Rosebud?"
Winna pulls out the maps from her purse that she's purchased.
"You're not gonna fly out there?"
Winna shakes her head. "I've talked with my boss and he's told me that
it's only a thirteen hour drive. An air flight costs too much. We'll need a
truck to get around when we're visiting with Jake so I'd thought to ask...
if you would do this for us."
I'm startled by her request. Drive out there? Then joy lifts my heart that
I'll be with Jesse this week before we're parted. "I'll be glad to do it!"
Winna sighs with relief.
"You and I can take turns driving. If we leave in an hour, we'll reach
Rosebud by 8 AM or so. The Headmaster has agreed to meet with me tomorrow at
three o'clock. That'll give us some time to rest after our trip."
I'm nodding in agreement when a thought strikes me. "What if Jake figures
us out? Jes and me... being together. I don't want to shame you."
"Mike. I'm not ashamed of either of you!" assures Winna.
The woman gives me a big hug that nearly brings me to tears. At that
moment, I Sense Jesse and tear from her arms to be with him. A terrible
aching had come over me. My lover needs me! I'm rushing into our bedroom and
find him sitting on the bed. He's rocking back and forth. Clutched tightly in
his arms is Brown Bear. 'Jes?' I Send. No reaction. My shoes are pulled off
before I scoot into bed behind him. He turns to look at me. I notice the
dried tear streaks down his cheeks. "Oh, Jes!"
"You came back," Jesse whispers.
"Of course!" I wrap my arms around him while he clutches Brown Bear. Winna
comes into our room.
"Can you two pack some clothes then join me in the kitchen to eat?"
"Yes, Winna." The woman lingers for a moment before she leaves our room.
I give Jes a kiss to his cheek. He sighs in my arms, slowly releasing his
teddy bear to hold me. Really tight. "I am so sorry, Jesse!" I'm about to
Reveal what's happened to me this afternoon but am prevented by my lack of
ability to do so. We can't Share thoughts; only emotions. Something is really
wrong with our Connection.
"You're coming with us?" asks Jesse.
"Yes. Your mom has asked me to drive you down to Jake's school." I Sense
joy in my lover that turns to great relief. He didn't want to be parted from
me this week any more than I did. "Let's do as your mother has asked." Jes
won't let me go. He clings to me with those long arms of his so I hold him
for a while longer.
After gathering up three sets of clothes each (it was lucky that Winna did
laundry last Sunday), we make our way to the kitchen. Jesse hasn't spoken a
word to me. Maybe he knows of my decision to surrender myself this Monday.
Winna has set the table. We sit down and join her in eating chicken.
"Are you alright, honey?"
Jesse nods at his mom. He finishes the drumstick he's been nibbling on.
I've noticed something wrong with my lover as well. He hasn't made eye
contact with Winna or me this past half hour and he's barely eaten anything.
My hunger has driven me to eat two breasts, a wing, corn on the cob and two
muffins drenched in butter. I've since emptied my glass of milk.
Winna gives her son a worried look. When we exchange glances, I'm
shrugging my shoulders to her in reply. I won't tell this woman what I've
decided to do. That'll lead to her asking me why and she can't ever know that
Ron has been with her son! No one must find out. I'm sacrificing myself to
protect Jesse's secret so we'll have a chance to be together in a few years
without there being a scandal in the tribe.
"Can you map out our route while I clear off the table?" asks Winna.
"Sure." I'm given the maps, a pen and sheets of paper. They're taken to
the front room. Jesse follows close behind me. We sit on the couch where I
use the coffee table to perform this task. I'm often glancing at my lover.
He's been unusually quiet that strikes me odd. I don't Sense fear in him (as
I'd expect if he knew that I'm going to prison), anger or any strong emotion.
He is interested in the maps spread out before us. With his help, I've marked
the route to Rosebud, South Dakota that seems best to us.
On a sheet of paper, I list the following roads we'll take:
From Havre, take Rt. 2 east past Chinook to Harlem.
Rt. 66 south to Landusky.
Rt. 191 south nearly reaching Roy.
Rt. 19 south to Grassrange.
Rt. 87 south to Billings (major city)
Rt. 87/90 east to Hardin that turns south.
Enter the State of Wyoming.
Rt. 90 continues south to Buffalo then turns east.
Enter South Dakota.
Rt. 90 continues east past Rapid City (major city) to Murdo.
Rt. 83 south to Rosebud.
I use the edge of my paper to measure the distance. It's about 800 miles
from Havre to Rosebud. If Winna and I can average sixty miles an hour, our
trip will take a little over thirteen hours as she's said. I'm looking at my
watch. It's close to seven right now. That means it'll be 8 AM when we reach
our destination. The Headmaster is expecting us at three o'clock tomorrow
afternoon. We'll find a motel and rest there for six hours before meeting
with him. An excitement fills me. I bring my right arm around Jesse asking,
"Won't it be great to see a cousin you've never known you had?"
"I guess."
I'm peering at my lover with concern. His eyes are slow to meet mine and I
find something lacking in them. Anguish fills me. I rush to give Jes a kiss.
He responds, his arms coming around to hold me as if never letting go. I've
tried Sending my thoughts to him but I feel that lack of ability to do so
like there's a barrier between us. I've must of caused that. When I lost it
at my lawyer's office, the madness that took hold of me damaged our special
bond. I'm better now yet I don't know how to regain our Connection as it was
and part of me is relieved that it's so. My thoughts are my own. Jesse won't
know what I've decided to do on Monday. I want this remaining week with him
to be free of care while we meet with Jake. It'll be a kind of escape for me.
I really need this!
Tears fill my eyes so I wipe my face against Jesse's hair. I'm Sensing
worry in my lover.
"Why sad?"
I'm snuffling through my nose. "It's nothing." My arms tighten around
Jesse and he gives me another kiss. A sixth sense warns me that we're being
watched. I loosen my arms and turn to Winna standing in the room.
"Mike?"
I'm putting a grin on my face for her benefit. "We've mapped out our route.
Want to take a look?" Winna approaches the coffee table but her eyes are on
her son. She senses that something is wrong with him, too.
"Jes-ee-ah?"
My lover peers at his mom.
"Tell me what's wrong, honey."
Jesse shakes his head back and forth. "I'm alright."
Winna releases a sharp breath. "Have you and Mike packed some clothes for
the trip?"
"Yes, mom."
"Can you please get them? We'll be leaving soon."
I'm about to get up from the couch to join Jesse but Winna flares her
eyes at me in warning. I keep my place. We watch her son leave the room.
"Mike. What's wrong with Jes-ee-ah?"
"I don't know." The woman frowns, her eyes boring into mine that has me
squirming over the couch. "Something has broken our Connection to each other.
I can Sense his emotions but we've lost that ability to Think to each other."
"Do you think he's... sick?" asks Winna.
I'm shaking my head. "No. Jesse has recovered from the flu." That's not
what she meant but I had nothing better to say.
Winna thinks for a long moment. "Do you think Jes-ee-ah can endure the
trip? If there's any doubt in you, we won't go."
I see the determination in this woman's face. "He'll be alright. Really.
One of us will be able to look after him while the other drives. It's only a
thirteen hour trip down to Rosebud. Maybe we'll... recover by then."
"I hope so, Mike!" Winna looks towards the dining room for her son. He
hasn't returned yet.
"Let me go check on him. Why don't you get what you need from your room."
The woman nods and together, we walk to our bedrooms. I find Jesse packing
our clothes in a cloth bag. He's on his knees over the floor with his butt
sticking out. I kneel close behind him. My arms wrap around his tummy and
that has him backing onto my groin. I'm turning my head to rest it over his
back. He's feeling very excited.
"You want to do me?"
I'm surprised to hear that. Jesse fumbles with the front of his pants
until he manages to pull them down to his ankles. His underwear too. I rise
on my knees to look at his butt. It's sticking towards me in want of getting
fucked. "Not now, Jes." My hands fondle his brown cheeks for a moment before
I reach down to lift his underwear to cover him. He pulls up his pants.
"Don't you want to be with me anymore?" Jesse whispers.
I'm turning my lover until we face each other. His eyes meet mine briefly
then look off to the side. I rush to kiss him. He holds me close, our kissing
getting passionate that tempts me to carry him to our bed where we can make
sweet love. "We can be together when we reach Rosebud tomorrow morning," I
promise. "At the motel. Let's wait until then. Okay?"
"Okay."
We separate. Jesse gets to his feet before me with a cloth bag clutched
in his arms. I notice how his eyes look off to the side. It reminds me of
when I'd first seen him in my class sitting beside his mom. At that time, I
didn't know he was autistic. He wouldn't shake my hand afterwards or make
good eye contact with me. That has me realizing something. With the loss of
our special bond, I think Jes has reverted back to who he was. Guilt fills me
for being the cause of that. I'm rushing to hug my lover. "Forgive me!"
"I'm not mad at you, Mike."
We cling to each other while I try Sending my thoughts to him. He trembles
in my arms. I'm Sensing much worry in him that comes from not understanding
what is troubling me. "It's not your fault," I assure him.
"Am I sick? Mom thinks so."
"Yes. That's what's wrong but we'll get better soon."
"I hope so. I'm not Hearing you in my head. Not even from the Other."
Jes means his former self. My arms tighten around him while I fight back
tears. I make my plea unto Him to bring us back to where we were. Connected.
'Please Lord! My lover is gonna need to be whole when we are separated. I'll
have to leave him for a few years. He'll be trained to lead the People in
Your Light. Please! Bring us back together as it was. Amen.'
Winna meets us in the front room. She's hefting a bag over her shoulder
that probably contains her clothes. A large yellow envelope is tucked under
her left arm. Jes is holding our set of clothes. Mother and son peer at each
other for a long moment.
"Let's go, mom."
Relief fills Winna. We follow her towards the front door when to my
surprise, she grabs the keys to my truck instead of hers. "I'll need to get
gas." My unexpected trip to Canada has only left me with a quarter tank.
"I hope you don't mind, Mike. My truck is making a funny sound and its
left front tire is running flat."
"Sure." Tom Grips His Tomahawk has put my truck in good working order. I
don't know how it does on gas mileage but we're gonna find out. Winna is out
the door. When Jes and I join her on the porch, she's locking up behind her.
I'm looking towards the street. "Let me tell Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand that
we're going on a trip. There's no reason why he or the other guardians should
be watching over the house while we're gone."
"Very well," answers Winna.
I sprint off towards the street. Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand is already
out of his truck to meet me. There's concern on his face.
"What... ksis... wrong?"
I didn't catch all his words. "We go on a trip to Rosebud, South Dakota."
The man shakes his head from not understanding my words. I've spoken them in
old Siksika and realize that I can't speak the modern form. Reverting to
English, I tell him that we're off to see Winna's nephew at his school. We'll
be visiting with Jake until returning this Sunday evening.
"Winna has a nephew named Jake?" asks Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand.
He's obviously not heard the news. I fill the man in and his eyes grow
wide, looking past me at Winna and Jes getting into my truck behind his.
"There's no need for anyone to be guarding the house during the week. Will
you tell the other guardians?"
"I will." Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand thinks for a moment before asking,
"Which way will you take out of town?"
"Rt. 2 east past Chinook until we hit 66."
"I'll give you an escort up to Harlem, then."
"Neet ahkse." At least I can recall that Siksika word Running Water has
taught me. I'm realizing that my ability to speak comes from Jesse. From
Chris, I know old Siksika that shares many words with the modern form but I
speak it with a white accent as Brings Wood had noticed.
"May your journey be safe," says Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand. He gets back
into his truck.
I run back to mine and get into the driver's seat. Jesse is sitting
between Winna and me. They already have their seatbelts on. I put mine on.
"Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand has been told." My eyes flare at Winna so she
knows what I mean. "He's gonna escort us to Harlem." The woman nods.
I turn my key in the ignition and put my truck in gear. The black pickup
in front of me makes a wide left turn in the street and I follow. Stick
shifting has nearly become second nature to me. Jes keeps his left knee out
of my way. Winna's truck isn't as wide as mine, I'm realizing. When she drove
us, the stick shift had between her son's legs because there was less room
along her front seat for three.
We pass my trailer park. That reminds me. My lawyer said that I can pick
up my belongings from Mr. Cavallero anytime I want. No need to sign that
stupid agreement of his. I'll do that after we return. I want Running Water
to get his drum back while I have a new television set, vacuum cleaner,
kitchen stuff and my clothes... My shoulders slump in defeat. This Monday
morning, I'll be surrendering myself to the court by taking Mr. Benton's plea
bargain. No need to get my stuff back. I'm gonna lose the next few years to
my life while in prison with only hope to cling to. The hope that love will
be waiting for me.
I feel Jesse's eyes on me. Though he can't Send me his plea, I know that
he's Felt my strong emotion and wants to know why. I'm putting on a smile
for him. A promise is made to myself. No thinking about what lies ahead. This
is the last week for my lover and I to be together so I'm gonna make the most
of it!
I'm beeping my horn to warn Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand that I'll be
pulling into the gas station up ahead. Will he see my right turn blinkers?
He does. I follow his truck to the pump which he passes and parks along the
Quick Mart. We're both getting out of our pickups.
Jesse is at my side. From his eyes, I know that he wants to help so I'm
pulling out my wallet and hand him $40. "Give this money to the attendant."
I look at the pump's number. "Tell him it's for number three and Jes. Can you
buy us some water to drink on the road?"
"Okay, Mike..."
Jesse's eyes fall to his feet. I'm realizing that he's shy about going
into the Quick Mart when he was hoping to pump gas for me instead. Why not?
"I'll pay the man, Jes. Can you fill the truck up for me?"
"I know how! My father let me lots of times."
Jes eagerly lifts the nozzle from the pump and pulls its long black hose
behind him when he walks to the back of my truck. He hands the two bills over
to me. I'm heading for the Quick Mart to pay when I catch sight of Winna
talking with Dirt-brought-up-in-his-hand.
I've given the attendant $40 for pump #3 and look around the small store
for water. I'm grabbing a case of six Dannon 1.5 litter bottles. There's a
refrigerator in back but I decide to forgo buying sandwiches or any other
food for the trip. We can stop to eat and that'll give us a break to stretch
our legs and go to the restroom. An excitement fills me. We're gonna be
seeing Jake tomorrow! I wonder what he looks like? At age sixteen and being
of mixed blood (Blackfoot and Mexican, likely) I wonder if he's cute? By
tomorrow, we're gonna find out.
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