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 SHAMAN-WILLOW-BIRD-8                           "Shaman Willow Bird" series
 Shaman Willow Bird (part 8)                    Copyright 2001 by Vince Water
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*                            "Shaman Willow Bird"                      10/01 *
*                                  (part 8)                                  *

     There's a loud ringing in my ears. I slowly open my eyes but I can't see
anything. Pain shoots through my limbs. A firm hand grips my shoulder, the
familiar thoughts of my brother coming into my head that are filled with his
concern for me.

     'Willow Bird!' thinks Second Bird. 'You have awakened at last.'

     When I turn my head to him, something soft rubs against my chin. My toes
push against a heavy animal hide that covers my naked body. It's keeping me
warm. Wood pops and hisses from the fire pit at my side. I hear low murmurs
around me.

     My head feels strange, slow with thoughts as if I'm awakening from a deep
sleep. 'Where am I?'

     'In the shaman's lodge.'

     I See an image of this Split Tribe's dwelling that I'm lying in coming
from my brother. What am I doing on this side of the river? The pain in my
legs has settled down to dull aching. My left shoulder bothers me a little.
'What am I doing here?' I ask. 'Have I been hurt?'

     'Don't you remember?!' answers Second Bird.

     My head feels sluggish when I cast my thoughts back. Oh. Those wolves
that had attacked me in the plains. That's the cause of my pain. I sense fear
rising in my brother, not for my condition but something else that he's hiding
from me. What is it?

     I'm feeling a sense of loss. My foggy head concentrates on trying to
remember things. Something bad has happened but I don't think it's about my
injuries or anything that I have done. My heart aches me. What has happened
that my head has forgotten?

     There's another Presence in my head. My brother's thoughts are pushed
aside by the flood of intense emotions assaulting me. Someone's fear! His
feelings of being trapped and not knowing how to escape.

     A violent surge goes through my body. Pain! My limbs thrash against the
thick blanket to free myself of its restraint. Strange words fill my ears,
rising from a hoarse whisper to an angry tone. Shouting. They are coming from
my mouth!

     I hear Second Bird gasp with surprise. Both of his hands are holding me
to the ground while my body fights him. Arms that are no longer mine? More
harsh words are uttered from me that sounds strange and without meaning. I'm
not in control of myself.

     "He is being possessed!" warns the shaman.

     Another set of strong hands rush over me, holding me down when my wild
body convulses. The frightened spirit within me fights against the two men.
He is controlling my arms and legs against my will. I am powerless to stop it!

     "It must be that enemy scout," explains the shaman. "Hold him down!"

     I try Sending my plea for Second Bird to help me but he doesn't Hear. My
mouth won't respond. I'm trapped inside my head. Unable to talk, to see or
command my thrashing body to become still.

     "Fight it, Willow Bird!" shouts the shaman.

     I can't find the enemy he speaks of. All is Darkness. I'm trapped inside
my head and cannot act to free my spirit. My flesh is no longer my own. The
shaman had spoken about possession. Someone is stealing my body?

     I try focusing my thoughts. A difficult thing with all the shouting, my
straining limbs and pain racing up my spine. My right foot kicks the animal
hide away. An evil smell fills my nose that I realize is coming from the
blanket being burned in the fire pit. The right side of my body is no longer
being restrained. I hear the shaman's frantic shout. A thumping sound follows.
His hands return to my right shoulder and chest when he holds me to the ground
with my brother's help.

     'Who is inside me?' I Send. 'Please let me be!' There's an answer to my
desperate plea. A confused spirit in fear from his terrible loss. Wingless to
the Above where he wants to go. My body has trapped him. Someone familiar to
me... Smiles A Lot!

     In a terrible rush of memories, I recall what has happened to my lover.
The Split Tribesmen had tortured and killed him while I was unable to stop it.
At his ending moment, I held the essence of his being inside me so that we
could be together forever. It must have worked. But instead of embracing joy
by joining our lives, Smiles A Lot fights to be loosened. His spirit doesn't
want to remain here as much as I need him to stay with me.

     My body strains against the pair of hands holding me down to the ground
mat. Second Bird is very afraid for me. The shaman, too. They both fear that
the angry spirit possessing me will cause me harm or seek vengeance against
the men of the Split Tribe. No! Smiles A Lot was ever a person of peace. He
knew this terrible day would come and he even made me promise not to use my
powers to prevent it. I don't understand why he's abusing my body.

     A frightening thought strikes me. Is this Smiles A Lot's spirit in me
that has taken control of my flesh? Perhaps an evil spirit has entered. I try
concentrating on the thoughts of my possessor. Only raw emotion comes through:
fear, confusion and a desperate struggle to be freed! That must be my lover.
It pains my heart that he won't Speak with me or allow his spirit to dwell in
my body in peace.

     I feel slaps to my face. Second Bird begs the shaman to stop but his
strikes continue to land. The pain is tremendous! My straining body falls back
to the ground mat and becomes still. I can no longer hear my brother's
shouting. No more bodily sensations. A stillness comes to me that is like
sleep. I welcome its healing.

     Lightning flashes in my being. A desperate voice is thundering in my
head, begging to be released. Smiles A Lot wants to go! To do so would break
my heart so I answer his pleas with my own. 'No! I couldn't endure without you
being with me! Don't go.'

     'I have died, love. You must allow me.'

     'I need you, Smiles A Lot! That's why I caught your escaping spirit
within me. You can live on. To be with me forever!'

     'It was my time to go. I seek the Above. My mother and father are waiting
for me there, Willow Bird. Please! You must release me...'

     My lover's plea upon me weighs terribly on my soul. He wants to go. I've
Seen the utter beauty of the Sky People's dwelling where our loved ones go
after death. My own father is there. Big Horn, too. Our Mother below is for
the living to walk upon. I've seen Smiles A Lot's body die. His spirit must
be given Wing to fly Up.

     'Yes, love. Free me so that I can go Above, into the Light of our Father!
His radiant Face. Almost, I can See Him! Let me go. Please...'

     What sadness I am feeling is forgotten when Smiles A Lot prepares to Fly.
I share in his joy. There's a strong tug on my spirit. He tries pulling from
me but the spell that I'd crafted at his death prevents his Flight. I
concentrate on weakening it. Our spirits are separating that will return my
body to me and allow my lover to go.

     I sense an ill wind upsetting the delicate unweaving of my spell. It's
like a storm coming that threatens to cast Smiles A Lot out. Not from my doing!
My lover wails with fear. I also realize the danger from it. The shaman is
exorcising his spirit. That man's ignorant attempt to free me of Smiles A Lot
by force.

     'I am being cast Down as a felled spirit!'

     'You cannot Fly Above?'

     'Oh, no! Darkness is taking me, Willow Bird. I am Falling!'

     I See my lover's Radiance fading unto final death. He does not deserve
this terrible fate! By loosening Smiles A Lot from my earthly existence, he
has become vulnerable to mortal spell crafting. Anger consumes me. I gather
up the strength of my being to prevent his Fall. Reaching deep into my
lover's very being. As it was at Smiles A Lot's death, our spirits join again
by the utter Will of my being to be his and for him to be with me. We will
either Fall together or remain on our Mother!

     Darkness comes. Our frail spirits tremble from the Cold Hand grasping us.
We are fading. I feel what utter death will be like. Our sad acceptance of it.

     Another spirit joins into the fray. It's Ring Spirit, young yet strong and
possessing wisdom to help us thwart the shaman's exorcism. This boyish spirit
knows what must be done. Smiles A Lot is wrenched from me! They are gone...

The shaman lowers his rattle to the dirt. He releases a weary breath, turning
to Second Bird with a grin. The young brave nods his head with gratitude. He
covers his brother with the singed buffalo hide and allows him to sleep.


     I feel the flow of water into my mouth. My eyes open. Second Bird has his
face in my face, our lips pressed together that reminds me of that old woman's
trick of passing water from her mouth to her grandson's. My brother had seen
me doing this with Running Wolf in the plains. Now he satisfies my thirst.

     "You should use a mug," clucks the old man with distain.

     I'm about to Send my thanks to my brother when I sense that something is
wrong. Second Bird lifts his head. He gives me a weary grin. There are dark
wrinkles under his eyes that proves he's had little sleep while tending to me.

     "The shaman has prepared soup for you."

     I watch my brother accept a steaming bowl from the old man. They help
lift me to a sitting position so that I can eat. The buffalo hide drops to
my lap. I notice that a part of it has been scorched, reminding me of last
night's events. "Where is Smiles A Lot?" I ask.

     Second Bird lowers his eyes. "He is dead, Willow Bird."

     My hands rush to my chest, knocking the filled bowl to the ground. "No!
He was inside me, his spirit joined with mine but I can no longer Hear him!"

     "I had to exorcise his avenging spirit from you, boy."

     "It's true, Willow Bird. I saw your body being possessed by him and it
was a terrible sight! He shouted curses from your mouth. He fought against us
until the shaman knocked you unconscious so that he could perform a ritual
that freed your body of his spirit. It had to be done."

     Second Bird grasps my hand. He peers deep into my eyes with his gesture
for us to Mind Speak. I'm so angry that he allowed the exorcism that I won't
do it. No... I can't make the connection between us. My brother's thoughts
aren't Heard when I try. When I Send mine, he shows no sign of Hearing me.

     "I know what he meant to you, Willow Bird. He was your lover but we are
brothers and I had hoped that you would trust me. The shaman saved you."

     Tears fill my brother's eyes. He tightens his hand around mine in a
gesture for us to connect. I try again. Only the warmth of his hand is felt.
"I can't seem to do it..."

     "To share our thoughts?" asks Second Bird with concern.

     I nod my head. My hand lifts to my chest and grasps the small pouch
hanging down from my neck. I can feel the acorn within. My coaxing can't get
the seed to awaken as if it is dead, like Smiles A Lot is to me.

     My eyes shut tight from grief. Oh, my lover is gone!! Arms are felt
around me coming from my brother. He hugs me. My chest heaves with painful
sobs, kept in me and not allowed a release through my mouth. I am feeling so
wretched. A bony hand grasps my shoulder.

     "Accept his death, Willow Bird. Our tribe punished that enemy scout but
you bore the brunt of his anger in his passing. He tried possessing you!"

     I violently shrug off the old man's hand from my shoulder. Second Bird
is tossed to the ground as a result of my anger towards the shaman. He rolls
away from the fire pit to avoid being burned. I see his dark eyes blazing at
me. Filled with surprise that turns to an ugly emotion that I've never seen
from him before. It pains my heart.

     My eyes close. I hang my head with despair, hoping to feel the return of
my brother's arms around me in forgiveness. His footsteps are heard going past
me instead. Out of the lodge.

     "Eh, wait Second Bird!" calls the shaman, chasing after him.

     My eyes open but they are filled with tears. Sight of this sacred lodge
swims before me. A sob escapes from my mouth. I have lost my lover and now,
I've lost my dear brother. The memory of his hate-filled eyes bring me much
woe. I angrily rise to my feet. My nakedness is revealed when the buffalo hide
falls around my legs. I have need to leave this place.

     Bright sunlight smarts my eyes when I exit the lodge. My heart pounds
with fear. I'm like a trapped animal that has found a means of escape. I start
to run. Split Tribesmen get out of my way when I hasten myself towards the
river. Women turn away in fear, clutching children as I run past them. A
two-feathered warrior thinks of standing in my way but he relents when my
hands form tight fists and I snarl at him.

     I fly past the many tipis. My legs are in a desperate run through this
ungrateful tribe. I hate all of them! They murdered my lover!! Barely, I'm
able to keep my curses from being uttered. A group of men watch me pass. I
hear their loud grumbling at my back but ignore them. The line of warriors
guarding the bank shout at me when I dive into the river. I've escaped them!

     My fierce anger isn't drowned by the cold water. I swim towards the far
bank. Breaths rush through my mouth between sobs. I'm crying. Oh, he is gone!
My lover is truly dead! His beautiful spirit has been cast Below by that shaman
in his ill-guided attempt to save me.

     If only I didn't prevent his spirit from Flying to the Above, he'd be
there now with his parents and all the Others. I only wanted my lover to live
on within me. To teach me how to become shaman and be with me to the end of my
days but now even that part of him is gone! He wouldn't have been taken away
by my tribesmen if I hadn't been satisfying my lust with that girl. It's all
my fault!

     I'm forced to concentrate on my efforts at swimming. The current is
slowly pulling me down river. Already, my limbs ache with fatigue and my teeth
are chattering. Drowning is a real concern. Strangely, I don't seem to care.

     I swim into a sandbar and rest there a moment. In the distance, I spy on
our line of warriors guarding the bank. They are waving at me. My hands crawl
along the sandbar to its end where I launch myself into the deeper water. I'm
unable to speed my way to them by Changing into an otter. Even that power is
denied me.

     Some water is swallowed in my haste to reach my tribe. My lungs burn. I
welcome its pain but it is no match to the greater pain I'm feeling in my
heart. No longer will I see his gentle smile for me, his loving hands coming
around me or learn how to be a shaman. He is dead. Both in body and spirit.
I am to blame!

     My numb hands strike bottom. I'm cold from the river and too exhausted
to get to my feet. A man runs into the shallows to help lift me up. I push
him away. I'm falling onto the bank like a soggy elk sack. Breaths race
through my mouth but I don't allow myself to recover from my frantic swim.

     A feathered warrior stands before me. When I lift my eyes, I see that
it's Iron Bow. He had helped Catch-fish-with-arrows take Smiles A Lot to the
Split Tribe even though it was against our chief's command. Great anger rises
inside me that gets my legs to spring like a drawn bow. I topple the man over.
My fists land over his chest that gets him crying out. It is very sweet to
hear his defeat! Before I can finish him, there are many hands pulling me back
before I can strike Iron Bow again.

     "He helped Catch-fish-with-arrows take my lover to the Split Tribe!" I
shout. I'm struggling against the guards. Iron Bow gets to his feet and faces
me with a stone club in hand. I'm eager to meet this warrior's challenge.

     "Stop it, Willow Bird!"

     Iron Bow prepares to defend himself; I'm weaponless, weak from my swim
across the river so I'm no match for this warrior. The guards are keeping us
apart. My anger cools. It's difficult for me to be denied revenge.

     "Let our chief decide this matter," asks As-a-crow.

     I slowly nod my head in agreement. My arms are freed but I'm unable to
stand unaided. I'm falling to the ground. Iron Bow grins at me menacingly,
hoping that I'll try to attack him. The guards stand at his side ready to
defend him. No one is going to support me! I spring away and run. There are
men chasing after me until a loud voice calls out to them from behind.

     "Ah, let him go!" shouts Iron Bow.

     I streak past the tipis of my tribe. Utterly alone. Naked. Only my great
anger and woe keeps my exhausted limbs in motion. I need to escape from these
People too.

     The corral comes into sight. I glance behind me for pursuit but find
none. My open mouth races with breaths. I wipe tears from my eyes and look for
Pai-alucia amongst the horse. He is found.

     I jump over the wooden fence and run to him. He spooks when grabbing his
head. I shoo him with calming words, slowly wrapping my arms around his neck.
Tears fill my eyes anew. "Oh, Pai-alucia! Please take me away from here!"

     I hear the stallion's answering snort. He is my last and only friend
remaining me. I pull him towards the gate. The tied branches are torn asunder
in my hands. I hear shouting in the distance. I'm over my horse's back and my
savage kicks into his side gets us into a gallop.

     My arms rush around Pai-alucia's neck when he surges forward. My hands
are locked there. I continue kicking him to greater speed. The silent trees
fly by. I close my eyes. There's a great swelling inside me that is like an
overly-filled water bladder. All of my pain, fright and terrible loss is
squeezing my heart. Oh, why did he go?! Something breaks in me. I no longer
hear the wind in my ears or feel my horse's powerful surges below me. I'm
falling into darkness and welcome it.


     I regain my senses. Pai-alucia is following the river trail at a walk.
We're heading in the left-handed direction of where Father Sun rises in His
sky. I urge my horse to a gallop. My head turns to look for pursuit that I
know will come. Iron Bow will want to catch me for having attacked him. He
deserved it! Others of my tribe will want me back for other reasons. Their
concern for me or to see me punished? I don't even care.

     I lean forward and bury my face in Pai-alucia's surging neck. My feet kick
him from time to time. We gallop towards that I don't know. Where will I go?
Strangely, I'm not concerned about a destination. Only to get away.

     Throughout the long day, I'm falling into darkness with brief periods of
consciousness. I urge my horse onwards. I'm in his care for wherever he is
taking me. He is my only remaining friend.

     Whenever I think about Smiles A Lot, tears fill my eyes. The pain of my
lost lover is too much for me to bear! I cling to Pai-alucia's neck and endure
the dull aching of my head. I can't ignore the anguish squeezing my heart! I
find relief in sleeping. Perhaps I will dream of his smiling face and our love
as it was.


     Soothing crickets' song fills my ears. My eyes open but I can't see
anything. From the coolness of the air against my skin, I realize that it's
night time. Warmth is felt in my arms and against my butt. Pai-alucia nickers.

     My thoughts are slow to form in my head. I don't know where I am. There's
great sadness in me that I know comes from a loss. Like lightning, my painful
memories return that sear my soul like a burning stick. Oh, he is gone! I want
to join my lover in death but how? The inkling of a dreadful plan comes to me.
My release is far away but I will manage it. My back straightens. I kick my
horse into a fast walk, trusting in his sense of direction to keep to the path.

     Grandfather Moon rises in His sky and falls from the stars before I allow
Pai-alucia to rest. My weary body slips from the stallion's back to the hard
ground. I close my eyes in sleep.


     When I awaken, Father Sun's warm Hand is felt against my back. I crawl to
the river and drink some water. My legs shake when I stand. The hunger in my
belly is ignored. I reach Pai-alucia and disturb his munching of a clump of
grass. I'm slow to get over his back. My arms embrace his warmth for a moment
of gratitude before I kick him into a run.

     My eyes are open but I don't see very much. The forest is a blur to me.
Tears fill my eyes, mostly coming from the wind whipping past me. I kick my
horse often to keep him galloping. The mountain brothers are still several
days ahead and that's where I'll end my wretched existence. I want to join my
fallen lover Below.

     The river path slowly turns to the left. I'm surprised to see that Father
Sun is low in His sky ahead of me. I think that I've been falling in and out
of sleep. Pai-alucia is a good horse. He has given me no complaint about our
journey. His strong legs surge forward. Ever onwards to my destination. I want
an end to my pain!

     I bury my face in Pai-alucia's neck. His long mane tickles my nose. I
can't seem to stop crying. Oh, the pain that I'm feeling for losing him! I'm
feeling so much guilt. I shut my eyes and concentrate on keeping my balance
over my horse's back. His rapid rhythmic clomps over the path. A fast gallop
that is taking me away from the horror of what they had done to my lover. I'm
heading towards my release. Will I be able to hang onto my sanity before then?

     My body has become one with my horse. I'm no longer clutching his neck as
tightly or need to kick him. Pai-alucia flies down the river trail like a bird.
I can feel the wind rushing past. It's a kind of freedom to be leaving my
troubles behind. All those responsibilities. I only have to think about myself
now that I'm alone. Oh, so terribly alone! My People have forsaken me.

     I'm tired of thinking so much. My body is weary from this frantic journey
so I surrender myself to sleep.


     I awaken in the early evening while it's still twilight. The stallion
has his head down, nibbling on something to eat. That reminds me of my belly
pain but I'll soon have no need for food. I'm about to kick him into galloping
again when the tiny hairs at the back of my neck rise in warning. I cast my
eyes behind me. Nothing. Only long shadows are falling behind us over the path
but I sense that something is amiss.

     'My son. Come to me in the woods. Hurry!'

     I glance about for who had spoken to me. It had sounded like... my father!

     'Your angry tribesmen are getting close. Get off the trail or they will
catch you.'

     My heart leaps into my throat. His voice was inside my head! I pull on
Pai-alucia's neck to direct him into the trees. I gently kick him. We enter
the forest as the sound of thundering hooves fill my ears.

     Running horses are nearing my position then pass by. I wait until they
have gone before daring to breathe again. "Father. Where are you?" I whisper.

     'Very near. Drop down from your horse and drink from the stream since I
know that you are thirsted.'

     I do as my father has bid me. My feet cannot support me so I fall to the
ground beside my horse. Pai-alucia whinnies nervously. I slowly lift myself
along the stallion while offering him soft, calming words. My body trembles.

     The gentle bubbling of a stream attracts my thirst. I carefully step
along my horse with my arms grasping his shaggy body to keep my legs steady.
My hands run down his long neck. Pai-alucia is drinking from the stream so I
release him and fall to my knees. With a splash, I bury my face in the water.
Eagerly satisfying my thirst. My hands push against the soft ground so that I
can take a breath. Mud runs down my face.

     "Father. Where are you?" I plead. I'm looking around for him.

     'I am here.'

     "Oh, my lover is dead. He is dead!"

     'I know. You must turn away from your plan to end your life on the
mountain.'

     "But I want to join Smiles A Lot Below!" I'm shouting in anger.

     'You will be with him but there are things yet to be done.'

     Anger rises within me. Always, I am tasked to do things for an ungrateful
People who don't know my pain or realize how I've suffered to help them. The
loved ones that I've lost! They don't care about me.

     'You can make them care, Willow Bird. Show them your greatness!'

     I'm surprised by my father's thoughts in my head. They echo mine but...
No. I have lost my powers. I'm no better than a helpless boy who is naked and
crying like a little girl. I'd want to see those responsible for my lover's
death to be punished! To make them hurt as I am hurting but how can I?

     'Your powers can be restored. I can help you. Return to your tribe and
kill Iron Bow and Catch-fish-with-arrows. No one would try to stop you because
they had acted against the command of your chief. Yours would be a just act.'

     My hands form tight fists in the mud. Anger surges through my limbs from
the thought of taking their lives! But they are strong men. How could I?

     'You are to be shaman of your tribe. Powers have been given you to lead
your People so what better way to prove yourself than to punish those who
deserve death. That is what you must do, Willow Bird.'

     I'm feeling mixed emotions about the path my father has laid out before
me. Those men must be punished but I fear the consequences of it. My People
would fear me. Someone had told me that that is not how a shaman should lead.

     Images flash in my head: Catch-fish-with-arrows is laughing at me for
loving an enemy brave, his eyes of loathing on Smiles A Lot. I hear his
mocking words warning me not to lose my hair. Another image: the brave lying
in wait outside the shaman's lodge at night. He strikes my lover from behind.
Bound hand and foot, Smiles A Lot is dragged to the river and dropped into a
canoe. Iron Bow quiets the worried murmurs of his guards. He helps the brave
push off from the bank with his captive.

     I gasp when Seeing my lover dragged through the Split Tribe camp. Men are
kicking him. They shout curses at Smiles A Lot and gesture to him the fate
he's being taken to. Stones are thrown at him. His hands are tied behind his
back so he can't deflect the sharpened sticks being stuck into his body. My
eyes close to deny what I'm being Shown but the horrible images continue to
play in my head. Oh, the pain my lover was made to endure! His humiliation.

     To my relief, the images in my head end. Memories of what happened next
come to me unbidden. Smiles A Lot was slain. Yet I held his spirit within me
until the Split Tribe's shaman exorcised him. The smiling boy I loved who was
good, ever caring for others and helping me to be a shaman was cast Down. My
own brother helped bring this about!

     We both knew that this day would come. I had thought my tribe valued
Smiles A Lot's service unto our ailing shaman and would prevent his return to
the Split Tribe but they couldn't accept our love for each other. Iron Bow and
Catch-fish-with-arrows appeased our old enemies with their offering. What I've
done in peace to rejoin some of tribesmen is no match to their act of hatred.

     'The Split Tribe will never rejoin your People. Remember when those three
men took you into the woods and beat you? What happened to the friendship you
shared with Brings Word, Makes Bows and Elk Tail? They see you as Kalinlepi,
an enemy of their tribe. Stands Tall tries to help you but he acts only so
that you will care for his son.'

     My father reveals the truth to me. The Split Tribe have always been
against me and they have killed my lover. A terrible, senseless act to hurt
me! Their shaman had cast his spirit Down. Oh, Smiles A Lot is utterly dead!
He must be avenged.

     I imagine the kinds of deaths to give Iron Bow and Catch-fish-with-arrows.
Those of the Split Tribe are beyond my reach but not my deserving tribesmen!
My father agrees with me that those men should be punished.

     'When you are done setting your own tribe to right, act against the Split
Tribe before they turn against yours. You know that there will never be peace
between your two Peoples.'

     "But we must stand together against the Spear-bearing warriors."

     'The forest will protect the Kalinlepi from attack.'

     I'd nearly forgotten about those tree guardians. My hand wanders up my
chest to grasp the small bundle. I pinch the sleeping acorn kept within. When
our enemies come, my People will be safe but what of the Split Tribe?

     'They don't deserve your concern. The Spear-bearing warriors will rub
them out so they won't ever be a threat to your tribe.'

     "But they were once Kalinlepi!" I defend. "Why should good People like
Glinting Riverstone, Stands Tall and his son suffer because of the acts of
some stupid men? There are those of my own tribe who have also hurt me but I
don't want everyone to suffer because of them. I won't act against my tribe!"

     'You are thinking like a boy. Always, you try to right every wrong and
see the good in everyone. What Iron Bow and Catch-fish-with-arrows had done
was evil! Your lover died because of them. Do you deny this? You reveal your
immaturity by running away to kill yourself on the mountain when you should be
acting like a man to avenge Smiles A Lot.'

     My arms begin trembling. "It would be wrong to kill," I whisper.

     'You have killed before. That Shew-owa warrior who raped you deserved his
fate. You had acted as a man should. Even if you won't wear an eagle's feather
in your hair for taking his life, inside you are a warrior. Be shaman of your
tribe. I will grant you the power to bring justice to all those who have acted
against you.'

     My hands are pressed against my ears but that doesn't prevent his words
from being Heard inside my head. A part of me agrees with my father. I should
avenge my lover's death and prove my greatness! but another part feels that it
would be wrong. That is not how a shaman acts. Smiles A Lot had told me so.

     I sense great disappointment from my father. He no longer Speaks to me
and before I can beg his forgiveness, I feel his angry erupt in my head!
Darkness takes me.


     I'm startled awake by a cold nose against my chest. Pai-alucia bobs his
head impatiently over me. I try laughing but my throat is too dry. My stomach
rumbles with hunger. In a rush of painful awareness, I remember where I am.
All the terrible things that have happened!

     My thoughts turn to the journey but I no longer have the stomach to seek
my death on the mountain. There are those who deserve to die before me! I sit
up in a rush. My eyes are blinded by Father Sun's light beam shooting down
through the trees. I angrily turn away.

     My Talk with father from last night returns to me but it's mostly a blur.
I remember his disappointment with me. He wants me to go home and act as
shaman for my People but I don't want to! They are ungrateful for what I've
already done: how I brought some of our tribesmen together in a happy reunion,
enlisted the aid of trees to guard them from attack and I saved Running Wolf
from death. The beginnings of an alliance with the Tagalou was forged when I
rescued their war leader's son from those evil trees.

     I've been repaid for my good deeds by losing Smiles A Lot. My tribe never
accepted him as my lover. Even though he tended to our shaman that kept him
from dying from his wounds, Catch-fish-with-arrows and Iron Bow thought he
deserved being returned to the Split Tribe to be tortured and killed. Even his
spirit was cast Down when he could have lived on within me!

     I strike the ground with my fist. Mud sprays in my face, carrying me to
greater anger with my fists pounding again and again. I hate so much!

     I've become exhausted. Tears run down my face and I allow myself to sob
like a weak girl. My humiliation is complete. I don't care. I want to remain a
boy so that the heavy burdens of manhood won't return to my shoulders. I
didn't ask for those powers. The one who could have taught me how to use them
is gone. Let my People find another to tend to our shaman and follow in his
footsteps. I'm not worthy.

     My face lifts unto Him for guidance. I raise my arms and beg for His
understanding for turning away from the path forced upon me. I can't walk it!
My eyes are pained by His bright Light. He doesn't accept my refusal to what's
expected of me. I cover my face with my arms to hide myself from Him. The
darkness comforts me.

     'Spend your grief. I know how much you cared for Smiles A Lot so when you
are ready, take to the warpath. Avenge his death! I will help you.'

     I'm a long time crying. Mourning over my lover keeps me in the Now,
preventing me from making plans for tomorrow. Oh, I don't know what I'll do!
My chest pains me from so much sobbing that it has to end. I'm left feeling
wretched. I fall back to the mud and seek desperate sleep.


     I'm awakened by great thirst. After dragging myself along the ground, my
mouth finds the stream and I drink of its cool water. Strength slowly returns
to me. My folded arms straighten when I push myself up from the dirt. I'm on
my knees. With my grip over a small pine tree, I manage to lift myself to my
feet. I Send my thanks but as expected, this tree's voice goes unheard.

     Pai-alucia is found nearby. He lifts his head at me and nickers a soft
greeting. I'm relieved that my horse hasn't wandered away. He looks naked to
me without having a blanket over his back, no traveling pouches, water skins
or even a bridle. I had left my tribe in a rush.

     My own body is naked. I've lost my mother's gifted breechclout in the
river and along with it, my chief's flint blade. The Wah-ha cloth that my
lover had tied around my arm is gone! Only the small bundle hanging down from
my neck remains.

     Mud covers me everywhere. I feel its dried caking in my hair, over my
face and neck. The right side of my body is thickly coated. I feel down my
dirty butt and see mud covering both of my legs. I look like a Trickster! A
cold shiver goes through my body at this thought.

     I approach Pai-alucia. With gentle urging from my hand under his jaw, I
lead him out of the forest. My eyes backtrack my steps through these woods
until I find the river path. The torn dirt reveals the passage of my
tribesmen. I count three horses. Was Iron Bow or Catch-fish-with-arrows
amongst them?

     Anger fills me. I'm no longer afraid of those men and would want to face
them in battle! Even if it were to lead to my death. I would die trying to
avenge Smiles A Lot for they had delivered him to the Split Tribe.

     Oh, but I'm unarmed! I don't stand much of a chance when facing three
mounted warriors. I have a horse but no reins to guide him during battle. With
this thought, I quickly mount Pai-alucia. He can no longer run away from me if
I'd only been walking along side holding his head like before.

     We're facing the river. I glance to my left that leads to the mountains
and then turn right to look down the trail that would lead me back home. Which
way should I go?

     I'm torn by this decision. I no longer seek my death on the mountain but
I can't return to my tribe. Ah. Those three riders. The path reveals that
they've rushed past me yesterday but there's no set of return tracks. I urge
Pai-alucia to turn with the shifting of my weight and tighten my thighs. A
swift kick gets him running. We're going to chase after them.

     After a long dusty ride, the forest thins out. We break out into the
plains. I can see the mountain brothers in the distance. A fond memory drops
into my head. Big Horn had taken me this way to visit with the Moss-bowl Tribe.

     My head lowers in sadness. He is gone, too. I angrily kick my horse to
get him running again. The wind rushing past makes my eyes swim with tears.
I lower my face from the bright sun. His brilliance burns me.

     My eyes close when the pain becomes too much for me to endure. I can't
keep my hold of Pai-alucia's neck. I'm falling from his back. The ground
rushes towards me and I strike it hard, knocking the wind out of me. Darkness.


     I slowly regain my senses. My body feels chilled and I can't see. Oh.
It's night time. I taste blood in my mouth and remember my fall. A quick check
of my body reveals that I haven't broken anything. Where is my horse?

     I'm about to call out for Pai-alucia but stop myself. The plains can be a
dangerous place when alone; I'm weaponless. I try getting to my feet but I'm
feeling weak. My belly aches with hunger. I'm thirsted. I crawl along the
ground into a thorn bush. My face is cut. Oh, why am I being made to suffer?!

     'You are being tested, my son.'

     Anger rises in me. "For what!" I cry out. Silence. My father doesn't
answer me. I slowly turn over the ground onto my back. The stars are shining
above me. No moon. I calm my breathing and close my eyes to seek sleep.

     I'm running through the dark wood with a pack of wolves. Hairless; our
bodies are covered with fire ash. Crying Loon's eyes glow at my side in lust
for a small boy held in my arms. It's Day Rabbit quivering against my chest.

     Another boy grasps my shoulder, begging me to stop. I turn to Running
Wolf. An appropriate name for my young companion. My boys grab our prize that
we've stolen out of his father's tipi to eat him. Crying Loon holds Day Rabbit
down over the ground on his belly. Running Wolf is quick to lay over him with
his dick sticking in. I watch Day Rabbit's rape. My own cock rises in sweet
expectation. The youngest member of my pack is quick to feel his male thrills.

     My boys change places. Running Wolf grips the boy's arms so that Crying
Loon can take his turn fucking him. I kneel at their side. Watch Day Rabbit
being initiated as one of us. We are acting for our Dark Master that also
satisfies our male needs: dominance over the weak and to spend our lust.

    It's a fierce struggle between the three youths. Day Rabbit tries fighting
them but the pain in his butt subdues him. I know that he wants to be filled.
Crying Loon stabs into the youth beneath him again and again. Our eyes glow
with the greed of our hunt. Soon, another will join our pack.

     My hands press over Crying Loon's flexing ass. Power from our Master
flows from me to bind these boys in Darkness. I enjoy feeling his lusty
humping. When Crying Loon cries out, I pull him off Day Rabbit so that I can
finish the rite. My cock pushes into the boy's little butt with its eagerness
to join my lust with theirs.

     Day Rabbit squirms below me. He pants against the ground like a fallen
buffalo to our spears. I drive mine deeper through his hole. My hands tighten
around this youth's neck, slowly strangling him. 'You must make a choice,' I
Send, 'to die at my hands or accept becoming one of us.' My cock stiffens and
shoots strong. I wait for Day Rabbit's answer. He relents.

     I give my pack a toothy grin. Our bodies are rolled over the ground until
my new boy is facing the others, still impaled on my oozing cock. Running Wolf
is first to welcome him. He sucks on Day Rabbit's erection until the youth
cries out. Crying Wolf kneels on the other side, taking his turn sucking him.
I make more stabs through his slimy butt. Dark Power is flowing through me and
into this little boy, making him one of us. Our pack has grown to four.

     No! This is an unloving act. My basest desires are being given shape in
my dreams... This isn't really happening, is it? I would never allow myself
to become an agent of evil for Darkness.

     'Think of the sweet possibilities!'

     In my darkest heart I know that this is what I want. To be given the
power as a Trickster. I'll roam the lands for young boys and steal them out
from their tribes like a shadow. I can remain as Willow Bird-the-boy without
shouldering the responsibilities of being shaman for an ungrateful People who
would never accept my spirit for wanting boys. Each new victim strengthens my
pack while venting my lust.

     My heart pains me. No! I must fight against myself to do what is right.
Light must uncover the Darkness so that good will prevail to protect the
People from evil. That is what a shaman strives for. A difficult path; maybe
too much for me to bear but I must try.


     I awaken with a start. My breaths race through my mouth and I hear my
heart beating in my ears. I'm feeling the afterglow of male relief but it
sickens me. Its wet result covers my belly.

     'You will be mine.'

     "No!" I shout into the night. "Your voice in my head sounds like my father
but I know that you are not him."

     'Accept this path, Willow Bird. I know it's what you want and I'll grant
you the Power that He has forsaken you.'

     In spite of closing my eyes, his voice fills my head to tempt me. My
desire for having boys, power over others and receiving respect (through fear)
is offered me if I but accept becoming his servant.

     "Get out of my head!" I shout. "You are the Darkness-that-comes and I
will never serve you! I'd rather die than be a Trickster. I will fight evil so
that the People will not fear the night. Leave me! Return to the Underworld."

     A shudder of fear goes through me because of my boldness. I'm awaiting
his striking blow that will end my life but it doesn't come. I peek through my
eyelids. Stars twinkle down on me. Smiling. I release a trembling breath,
relief filling me from having passed this test.

     The gentle sounds of the night are heard. I sit up in the dark without
fear. It's as if I have been reborn. I'm stronger now. Able to face whatever
may come so long as I remain true to myself and serve the Light.

     'My love. I am here!'

     Smiles A Lot embraces me and tears of joy fills my eyes. I embrace my
lover with tight arms not ever letting him go!

     'Yes. I can be with you forever, Willow Bird if only you'd give yourself
to him.'

     "What?" A painful shock goes through me to hear him say that.

     'I have come from the Underworld,' explains Smiles A Lot. 'He has allowed
me this moment to be with you. Serve him and we can be together.'

     My moment of joy turns to despair. I want to be with my lover but I can't
do as he's asked. His loving spirit slips from my arms. I desperately reach
out for him but he is gone.

     'Listen to him, Willow Bird. You can be with him if you serve me.'

     I drop to the ground in defeat. Eyes closing to deny his Presence so that
I won't be tempted in this weak moment. "No. I can't! Smiles A Lot wouldn't
want me to do this. You are trying to trick me!"

     'I haven't lied to you, Willow Bird. Why do you think your three
tribesmen are hunting for you? They will bring you back to the tribe where
you'll be punished. They won't kill you in spite of despising what you are.
Your shaman needs you. There is no one else he can pass this responsibility
to except you but you've been forsaken. Your powers have been lost. When they
realize this, what do you think will happen?'

     I'm trembling at his words. They are true and my worst fears are being
realized. I have lost my shaman abilities. When my tribe discovers this, they
will cast me out.

     'Or be killed, Willow Bird. You could try fooling them for a while. Your
shaman needs a few moons of healing while you tend to him. They'll not trust
you alone with any boy though. Crying Loon is lost to you. Your every step
will be watched by hateful men like Catch-fish-with-arrows. How can you expect
to escape their wrath?'

     I'm being caught up by his words like a leaf in a storm. How can I escape
my fate?! My thoughts turn to my dreadful plan. I could kill myself by jumping
from the mountain to that my spirit would join with Smiles A Lot Below.

     'That is my domain! I would keep you from your lover as punishment for
not serving me in life. Oh, foolish boy. You must accept what will be. I can
offer you much while you still walk the earth. Power to avenge Smiles A Lot's
death, to have boys and the respect of your People.'

     "My chief will punish Iron Bow and Catch-fish-with-arrows for what
they've done! I already have the love of Crying Loon and Running Wolf. And by
serving my People as shaman, they will grant me respect without fear. I don't
need you to give me anything!"

     'You are mistaken, Willow Bird. Your chief will say that Smiles A Lot's
death was necessary to ensure the peace between your tribes. Those men will
not be punished. What good is love for those two boys when their fathers will
keep them from you? And your tribe will never accept what you are, as shaman,
as warrior or even a boy. You were meant to be mine like all the others who've
walked your path.'

     I gasp from a revelation. One of his terrible plots is revealed to me.
Tash-o-gwa was training to be shaman under Snarling Bear of the Spear-bearing
Tribe until he was subverted by evil. He became a Trickster. The Split Tribe's
shaman is without a successor because his student was banished after being
caught loving a boy. I think he was that Trickster Big Horn and I had faced
during our hunt. The Moss-bowl's aged shaman isn't training anyone to replace
him. Was his student also lost? It's what I've been warned about the Mahyee-na.
Boys who share my spirit are at risk to being turned to evil purposes. That's
what is happening to me!

     "I will not be yours, too!" I shout into the night.

     'It is inevitable, Willow Bird. If you kill yourself, your spirit will
Fall into my hands. You cannot long resist me while you live. The other boys
couldn't. They too were forsaken because of what they were inside as you are.
Accept your fate! I'll grant you the power to have boys.'

     I get to my feet and run. Bushes tear at my legs and I'm often stumbling
to the ground in my rush to escape evil. Yet his tempting words continue to
fill my head. I feel my spirit weakening.

     Something trips me up and I fall hard to the ground. Tears of woe fill my
eyes. I lift my arms to the stars and make my desperate plea unto him: "Oh,
Wah-Conda! Save me from this evil plaguing my soul and help me to deny him!"

     'He will not, Willow Bird. You are an unfit vessel for His Light. Your
powers have been taken away and a part of you has already accepted me. That's
why you can Hear me. Accept my plan for you! I can give you whatever you want.'

     Images of cute boys fill my head. I'm Shown the different ways that I can
satisfy my lust with their small soft bodies: a nice belly rub, getting sucked
or stabbing deep into their tight assholes. Exciting high-pitched cries
joining my low moans at climax. I teach my young companions the different ways
they can pleasure me. Adult acts of need and want. It overpowers each youth,
trapping his spirit to mine after coaxing their sharp male thrills.

     'Your own People will never accept your desire for boys but I do. Let me
give you the Power! I'll teach you how to be a Trickster.'

     I see myself Changing into a black bird to hunt for boys when I fly over
the tipis of unsuspecting tribes. At night, I'll return as a mere shadow.
Stealing out a youth to make him mine with a sweet sex rite. At its climax,
his death adds to my power and that pleases my master. That's the path to
greatness.

     'No one can stop you. Serve me since that's how your spirit directs you
to have boys. You'll never be accepted as shaman of your tribe. Why even try
to serve an ungrateful People?'

     I'm banging my head against the ground in my attempt to ignore his words.
I don't want to become his Trickster! Big Horn and I had fought against one.
We defeated him, at least in flesh. Another terrorizes my tribe. He attacked
our shaman, murdered a boy of my tribe and would have had Running Wolf too if
I hadn't acted to save that youth. I've tried to act in the Light. I must deny
the power being offered me from Darkness.

     'Why try to be good?' the voice mocks. 'You have been forsaken by the
Light. I offer you a way to be true to your spirit that your People have
rejected. Look at what I can give you.'

     More images fill my head: I'm surrounded by naked boys reaching out to
embrace me. Longing is on their cute faces, their hope to be like me. I watch
each youth turn around to accept my hard cock in their small butts. My lust
fills them. Most are unworthy to follow in my footsteps so they are killed. I
seek a special boy who will want to be a Trickster. Any man who tries standing
in my way is easily cast aside with his butt taken before death to shame him.
Everyone will come to fear Willow Bird!

     I crawl along the ground with the last of my ebbing strength. His words
continue to beat down on me. My resistance is crumbling. I'm rolling down a
small hill and with a splash, I enter the river. The cold startles me. I
welcome its distraction, carrying water up to my head to clean my hair and
face. Mud is rinsed from my body. I also satisfy my thirst. His Darkness fades
from my spirit and that lends me hope. There may yet be a way to resist evil.

     I struggle up the bank and find level ground. My feet are dragged along
the dirt in a desperate circle. Four times I walk this boundary as strange
words are sung with my breaths. I drop to my knees in its center. My arms are
raised to the night's sky, pleading unto Him for protection.

     A long time I'm staring up at the stars. All is quiet around me. With
relief, I realize that my thoughts are my own. No evil influences. I may be
an unfit vessel for His Light but I'm still one of His children. I beg our
Father for forgiveness!

     The moon slowly rises above my head and falls before my pleading ends.
No clear answer was given me. I crumple to the ground from weariness. My eyes
close to find sleep.


     I awaken with a start. A quick look around is taken to see where I am.
The woods are far behind. I'm in the rolling plains. Alone. Without a horse
and I'm naked. I slowly get to my feet to get my bearings. There's a large herd
of buffalo sighted in the distance. They cover the land like a slow moving
shadow. My People once hunted them in the time of my father's grandfather but
my tribe had settled in the woods when our enemies grew too strong.

     There's no sign of Pai-alucia. I could backtrack my steps but doubt he
would have waited for my return. These are open plains. He could have run off
in any direction on four swift legs while I only have my two wobble ones.

     I slowly stretch my arms and legs, enjoying the nice sensation. My head
has cleared. Only my stomach bothers me with sharp hunger. I search a stand of
tall grass, catching a few grasshoppers to gobble down.

     Woe settles on me like morning's fog. I remember everything that's
happened but I'm glad that my trial is over with. Evil didn't claim me. So
long as I keep hatred from my heart and control desire, I'll be true to myself
and remain as Willow Bird.

     A long bath is taken in the river. I find a crayfish and crunch down on
its juicy tail meat. The rest is tossed away. My thirst is satisfied. Mud is
rubbed into the many wounds of my body, face and chest that were scratched up
from last night's desperate flight. I think I have a loose tooth. There are
bruises over my legs that have turned an ugly green. The cold water helps
soothe their aching.

     I leave the river and go in search of Pai-alucia. I'm not expecting to
find him but I must try. He's been a good horse, ever at my side during this
terrible ordeal but that was back in the woods which limited his wanderings.
Out here, he can fly like the wind through these vast grasslands. At least he
won't go without food or water but I doubt that I'll find him. How could I
catch him if he is sighted? Oh, my last connection with Big Horn is lost to
me! His teachings are ever in my head though. Guiding me. I'm often looking
around. It's dangerous to be alone out in the open like this.

     That herd of buffalo are making their way over the rolling hills. They
would attract a hunting party. They're able to run from danger but I can't.
My eyes look to the mountain brothers. I'm thinking of heading to the Moss-bowl
Tribe for sanctuary but I dread the long hike up.

     Father Sun beats down over me. It brings a sweat to my body that burns my
wounds. I've become thirsted again. Without water, I'll grow weak and unable
to make it across these plains. I can't go back home. My tribe is even further
away than the mountains.

     I find a small stand of trees to rest under. They provide me welcoming
shade from Father Sun's heat so I should sleep here until it grows dark. The
night would be better for me to travel. Safe from my enemies and cooler for
my long walk ahead.

     I settle against a huge tree. Its smooth bark presses nicely against my
back but as expected, I'm unable to hear its sleepy whisperings. I have truly
lost my ability to Mind Speak. My eyes close to find sleep but that's kept
from me when I puzzle over exactly when my powers had been lost. I remember
last Speaking with Second Bird. Our minds had Connected on that night after
Smiles A Lot's death. Then my lover's spirit had raged within me. When he was
exorcised from me by the Split Tribe's shaman, my powers fled. That old man's
rite did more than cast him Below.

    No. I've been forsaken by our Father! I'm being punished for having denied
my lover's spirit Flight into the Above. He Fell to the Underworld instead.
Tears fill my eyes at his loss. I've killed him! By laying with Rain Dancer, I
didn't notice his long absence from the lodge when he was struck by Catch-fish-
with-arrows and taken to the Split Tribe. My lust for that girl kept me from
saving him! And by capturing Smiles A Lot's spirit at his ending, he was
denied entry into the Above so he suffered an even greater death. My fault!
The Split Tribe's shaman was only trying to rid me of being possessed by him.

     That reminds me of another loss. I recall my brother's hate-filled eyes
for me. In my wrath at his shaman, I had tossed him away like a worthless bone.
He thinks I blamed him for losing Smiles A Lot. Oh, I am so sorry my brother.
Forgive me!

     I open my eyes since sleep won't come. I'm feeling very bad. If I were to
return to my brother, explain what was happening to me, he would understand. I
know he would!

     I'm startled by a pair of legs standing before me. After quickly wiping
my eyes of tears, I can see the warrior clearly. In his hands is a stone club
at the ready. My arms tense up. I'm prepared to spring out of his way but he
speaks to me with words that I can understand. I know him!

     "Is that you, Willow Bird?"

     Shakes-like-the-ground lowers his club but he looks around for danger.
Even if I didn't recognize this man, I'd know that he's from the Moss-bowl
tribe because of his pale skin, moccasins on his feet and from the style of
shirt covering his chest and arms. He wears a painted breechclout. Three
eagle's feathers are tied in his hair. We had met on a stone trail earlier
this summer where he picked me up after I'd lost my breath. He's a lusty
warrior. Big Horn and I had stood before a tree with our bared butts offered
to him. He managed to fuck us both.

     "Were you attacked?" asks the warrior with concern.

     I slowly nod my head but I'm reluctant to explain further. Our eyes meet.
It's difficult to see his pity for me. Two more warriors join him. They're
leading three horses that are heavily packed. Shakes-like-the-ground kneels
down to examine my injuries. I'm trying to act brave.

     "Where is Big Horn?"

     I suck in a sharp breath. "He is dead." Shakes-like-the-ground gives his
companions several quick hand gestures that sends them off to scout out the
area. Tears fill my eyes. My resolve is weakening.

     "Are there enemy warriors nearby?" asks Shakes-like-the-ground.

     I shake my head, wiping an arm across my wet face. His fingers brush over
the scratches to my face. Awe fills his eyes when looking at my hair. I lower
my head in shame. I'm no longer worthy to bear our Father's mark.

     "Such pain in your eyes, Willow Bird. You're safe now!"

     The warrior's strong hand comes to my right shoulder. Our eyes meet. His
concern for me releases a flood of emotion that I've been trying to hold back.
"Smiles A Lot is dead! Snarling Bear is dead and Wolf Pawing is dead. Our
shaman may die because there's no one left to tend to his injuries." Angry
courses through my limbs that strengthens my resolve to be brave. I put an
end to my tears.

     "Tell me, Willow Bird. Has your tribe been attacked?"

     I see that he's misunderstood me. "No. But my People are expecting the
Spear-bearing warriors to come soon. Most likely, the Shew-owa will join them
as well to rub us out." I see confusion in this warrior. He's becoming more
tense. "Oh, it's difficult to explain what's been happening to me! Please.
Take me back to your tribe. I have need to speak with your shaman."

     "You should also speak with my chief! If your People need help, our
warriors would be willing to come to their defense."

     I nod my head with understanding. The reason why the Moss-bowl Tribe
would send us warriors is because their chief's daughter has married a warrior
of my tribe. They haven't yet made their annual trip to winter on the mountain.

     "Can you tell me how you were injured?" asks Shakes-like-the-ground.

     The warrior's eyes have noticed the wounds to my legs (from wolf bites)
and that blade scar to my left shoulder, nearly healed. Those are old. My
body is bruised and scratched from my wild flight from the Darkness-that-comes
last night. I still fear his return to tempt me into serving him. To tell this
man about it would frighten him. He's a warrior that expects an enemy of flesh
that he can see and fight. Something needs to be said to appease his concerns.

     "I'm undergoing a test to become shaman." My eyes lower from his. I've
spoken truly but the whole story of my plight should only be given to Deep-
roots-that-whisper, their tribe's shaman. He would understand.

     The two men return. Their war leader is given a quick hand-gestured
report that there's no danger. Shakes-like-the-ground informs his warriors
that I'm alone and undergoing a sacred rite that's not to be discussed.

     "I thank you for that. Ah. Are you returning to your tribe?"

     "Yes. We've just visited with the Wah-ha People to the south who've given
us blankets, good metal blades, tobacco and colored beads in trade. Their ways
are strange but my People like the things they have."

     The White People! My chief's second son, Yellow Hair is the only person
I've ever seen from their tribe. I remember Song Bird's promise of helping
him get a message back to his aunt and uncle who live in Stadt Santa Louis, a
huge city that's many moon's travel in the direction of the rising sun. I'm
taken from my thoughts when a warrior laughs.

     "Colored Rain almost didn't want to return with us."

     The two feathered warrior releases another deep belly laugh. I don't
understand what's so humorous about his remark. Shakes-like-the-ground smiles.
I see Colored Rain's discomfort and he gives his companions an angry hand
gesture to stop embarrassing him. My eyes look up at this very handsome man.
He's a single feathered warrior who appears only a year older than myself.
Slim in build. The sharp emotion fades from his face to be replaced with a
grin. He notices my staring.

     "This is Dry Moss Stone," says Shakes-like-the-ground to introduce the
two feathered warrior.

     I look this man over. He's about the same age as Shakes-like-the-ground
but not as strong looking. His body is thin and he's rather tall. He shares
his People's features: a small nose and there's a sharpness to his chin. It's
difficult to return his gaze. Strange sunken eyes. He almost looks like a wolf!

     Behind Colored Rain's back, his laughing companion gestures an obscene
remark that describes why he wanted to linger at the White Man's camp. A woman
must have captured his heart there.

     I get to my feet with a sigh. A grayness obscures my eyesight that makes
me realize that I'm about to faint, probably from not having eaten these past
days. I find myself in Shakes-like-the-ground's arms. This leads to a close
embrace between us, his hand is felt over my butt. Colored Rain giggles at our
side. He's ignored while I enjoy holding this strong warrior.

     My eyesight returns. I'm nodding my head to let Shakes-like-the-ground
know that I can stand without his help. The warrior turns to check on his
horse. Dry Moss Stone gives me a knowing grin. Colored Rain glances over my
nakedness that fills me with embarrassment.

     "Would you like something to cover yourself?"

     I peer down at my semi-erect cock and feel my face burning. My head nod
sends Colored Rain to his horse where he fetches a white piece of hide for me.
He unfolds it to reveal that it's a Wah-ha head cloth, similar to what Song
Bird had worn to keep his long hair from spilling into his face.

     I bring the long cloth around my waist and tie a knot over my belly. The
end of it drops down over my loins. No covering for my butt. I gesture my
thanks to Colored Rain. He smiles when hearing my loud belly rumble. A gesture
is given me that asks if I'm fasting. My hand slices through the air in a 'no'
gesture. The warrior reaches into a long pouch hanging down from his shoulder
and he hands me a stick of jerky. I'm greedily chewing it down.

     When my loose tooth pains me, I chomp down on the strange-tasting meat
with the other side of my mouth. I'm remembering the tame herds of Hooved Baa-
haas their People raise on the grassy mountain slopes. These sheep provide
them with soft white cloth and the meat I'm likely eating.

     Dry Moss Stone brings up his appaloosa with much pride shining in his
eyes. I inspect this fine horse and nod with approval. The smile on my face
fades when remembering my lost horse. I face the warriors with my urgent plea.
"Have you seen an appaloosa wandering the plains?" I ask. "He ran off last
night when I..." I'm unable to finish my sentence.

     "Is that Big Horn's horse?" asks Dry Moss Stone.

     Shakes-like-the-ground hisses in warning at his companion for having
spoken the name of the dead out loud. My head lowers with sadness. "Yes. That
was my lover's... Ah, my monedo's horse that I lost. He's a stallion named
Pai-alucia that had come to me after..." The men lower their heads to show
their understanding.

     "That sounds like a Plains Tribe's naming," asks Colored Rain.

     I nod my head. "It means 'Night Moon' in our language. He came to my
monedo after his Spear-bearing warrior died." There's a tightness to my throat.
Not because of their deaths but that I'm revealing my spirit before strangers.

     Dry Moss Stone grips my shoulder. He nods with understanding to why I'm
feeling uneasy.

     "You shouldn't feel shame, Willow Bird. We, ah... know about your
preference that was shared by your monedo and his Spear-bearing companion.
They were welcomed by our tribe last summer, especially by some of our men."
Dry Moss Stone glances in his war leader's direction with a sly grin.

     "I thank you for your kind words," is my whispered reply. "It's not often
that I find acceptance of my spirit by other men." Shakes-like-the-ground nods
his head in gratitude to his companion. Respect shines in the men's eyes for
their war leader.

     I turn to the huge tree for a moment. My hand reaches out for its bark,
Sending my thanks to him. There's no answer as expected. I look down at my
covered loins. The cloth is a stark contrast to my dark body. So many ugly
wounds covering me. I look ugly.

     "It will be a long walk, Willow Bird. Are you up to it?"

     I turn to Shakes-like-the-ground and nod my head. This warrior studies me
for several heart beats. I return his stare unflinching. I'm hoping that he'll
not judge me as a mere boy so I must prove myself strong and able to the task.
Colored Rain and Dry Moss Stone glance at their war leader. Something unspoken
passes between them.

     The men tug on their horses' reins and head towards the distant mountains.
I walk at Shakes-like-the-ground's side. I'm bursting to tell him things but
he keeps his eyes forward. There's obvious weariness seen from all these men.
Their journey from the White Man's trading post must have been a long one. All
this day will be taken to cross the burning plains. Then there's the climb up.

     We stop often to rest and drink water. I notice Father Sun's red Hand
over these warriors' faces. Their bodies are well covered. I welcome His warmth
over my tanned body. Shakes-like-the-ground often glances down the rear of me
and that brings a smile to my lips. I'm often keeping my butt uncovered. My
cheeks have turned a deep brown that matches the color of my chest, arms and
legs. My stolen glimpses through the sides of the men's breechclouts reveal
very pale butts.

     Father Sun begins His fall from the top of His sky and it grows even
hotter. I eye the water skins over their horses. It would be better to travel
during the cool night but these men are anxious to return home. We should
reach the mountains by early tomorrow.

     We walk down a large hill and enter a part of the plains that's been
trodden by buffalo I'd seen earlier. All the grass has been torn down to the
roots from their passage. The black dirt reminds me of my walk through the
burned plains with Second Bird, a similar scene of devastation. My feet become
hurt by the sharp broken stalks. It slows my walk noticeably.

     "Your tribesmen don't wear moccasins," comments Shakes-like-the-ground.
"By this day's end, you'll be regretting that."

     I increase my strides while keeping the pain from showing on my face. Mud
coats my feet and that helps a little. Especially after it hardens from the
hot sun. Colored Rain mentions that they've not brought along extra moccasins
to lend me but he suggests that I could be given sacks to wear. I reject his
kind offer. The pain can be endured.

     We come upon a buffalo. A young bull by the looks of him but his body has
been trampled. The men stop for a rest break nearby.

     I circle around the animal and notice that parts of him could be salvaged
for meat. Dry Moss Stone notices my interest. He unties a metal blade from his
thong belt and hands it to me. The task will be very bloody. I bare myself so
that Colored Rain's Wah-ha cloth won't get soiled.

     As I stand before this buffalo, sadness fills me. I'm remembering being
with that scarred Split Tribe's warrior to help him salvage meat from another
buffalo that had burned to death in the plains fire. Wolves had come upon us.
Swift Scout had been killed while I managed to survive. My legs still bear
their bite wounds, mostly healed. I glance around nervously.

     A placation rite is performed for this fallen bull though we hadn't taken
its life. I'm honoring his spirit for providing us with his flesh. With a sigh,
I begin to work the carcass. Its shaggy hide can't be salvaged but beneath,
the dark meat is good with no signs of decay so this young bull must have been
recently killed. Shakes-like-the-ground places sacks at my feet to be filled.
He points out the buffalo's curved horns that he would like to have. Dry Moss
Stone mentions that I should also take the hooves (for use as glue when heated)
and the bull's loins.

     A sly grin comes to my lips. I recall visiting with Many Animals and
being in awe of his large collection of hides. He was most proud of his male
fetish stick that was formed from the dried twisting of a stallion's cock with
a buffalo bull's. Tied to it were the male parts from a dog, rabbit, deer buck,
mouse, sheep, raccoon, badger, squirrel and an elk buck. He said that it was
used to offer young boys a growing up rite for their loins.

     Father Sun beats down on me. Blood runs along my arms when I slice away
meat from the bones. Even this buffalo's organs are good for the taking. If I
had killed this animal by my hand, his heart would have been ritually eaten to
pass his strength to me. I'm not feeling very worthy. Under the gaze of these
proven warriors, I appear as a half-naked boy.

     Colored Rain fetches dry grass to line the sacks. That will absorb the
blood. Hide scraps are used to wrap up the meat. It should remain fresh until
we reach the Moss-bowl tribe for smoking.

     The ground around me turns red. Where once there was a buffalo bull, only
a mound of bloodied hide, bone, his head and bared legs remain. I've filled up
five sacks with his meat.

     Shakes-like-the-ground has put the buffalo's horns and hooves in a sack.
When my back is turned, I feel something tickling against my butt. Dry Moss
Stone laughs. My head turns to see that it's the bull's long cock. Limp in the
war leader's hand but very suggesting to his desire. I wiggle my ass playfully.
This gets all the men laughing.

     Water is poured over my dirty body by Shakes-like-the-ground. I notice
the tightness in the front of his breechclout. His last joining to my body had
been exciting but I'm not feeling receptive to his male needs. Too many bad
things have happened to me recently and I'm missing my lover badly.

     Two bundles are removed from Colored Rain's horse to make room for my
sacks of buffalo meat. This warrior proudly shows me that they are blankets,
beautifully woven by the Wah-ha People and he had also traded for colored
cloth. He doesn't want to risk soiling these valuable things. There's no room
on the other horses so these bundles are tied together with thong and hung
down from my shoulders.

     I decide to keep my body bared until it has dried from my bath. The soft
bundles of cloth hanging down against my sides feels nice though my shoulders
are already aching from burdening them. The horses smell blood from my sacks
of buffalo meat. Their eyes roll and they release nervous whinnies. The men
are often tugging on their reins to keep them moving forward.

     We reach the end of the trodden ground. I welcome the soft grass beneath
my feet. I'll tend to my injured soles later this evening. Our pace quickens.
We're heading towards Mount Moy though we never seem to reach the base of it.
I know that it's a very large mountain. His brother, Mount Cloy isn't as wide
but taller in stature. Snow covers both their heads.

     I know how cold it can get up there. The Moss-bowl People have settled
over its leveled slopes. That protects them from the warring Plains Tribes
below. They raise sheep and that provides them with meat and clothes to wear.
Their finely crafted pots are traded for the other things they need. The
heavily burdened horses prove how well their trade had gone with the Wah-ha.

     I'm curious to meet these White People. I've Seen glimpses of a city and
their strange ways through Yellow Hair's eyes when we Connected. He wants to
return to them. I doubt that will ever happen because their cities are far
away, past many enemy tribes. Shakes-like-the-ground and his men had traded
with an outpost to the south. I'm sure their People wouldn't bother with a
white boy by risking war with our tribe if they learned that he was with us.
Yellow Hair is much loved by our chief and my half-brother, Song Bird. It's
best that he remains with our People.

     We stop for another rest break. The two bundles are carefully set down
over the grass to prevent them from being soiled. Weariness is clearly seen on
the men's faces. Mine, too. Shakes-like-the-ground summons his warriors to a
smoke. While the war leader is fumbling with his sparking stones and finding
dry grass to burn, and idea comes to me. I ask to hold his red clay pipe. It's
raised unto Him for a blessing then lowered close to my chest. I wiggle my
fingers over the bowl. That power Word my lover had given me is uttered. All
the men gasp with surprise. I return Shakes-like-the-ground his lit pipe
though he's reluctant to draw smoke.

     "A young Spear-bearing shaman had taught me that," I explain. My smile
fades because of my aching heart for Smiles A Lot.

     The war leader draws smoke from his pipe. He nods his head with assurance,
handing it to his companions. I'm offered to draw a few puffs. The tobacco
gives me a nice buzz, filling me with strength for the journey ahead. I miss
not having my smoking pouch. When I cast my thoughts back to when I last had
it, regret fills me for I suspect that it has been lost. I remember leaving it
on the ground where Thump had made love to Smiles A Lot and me in the woods.
It was left behind in my race back to Pai-alucia when I thought he was in
danger.

     Nothing remains to me that marks my stature in my tribe. I've lost my
sacred bundle to Crumobia, my manly breechclout and the chief's blade in the
river. Big Horn's horse has run away. Only that little bundle holding an
acorn is mine but what good is it if that sleeping seed can't be awakened?

     I notice the men's curious eyes over my nakedness. Dry Moss Stone
gestures for me to turn around. I do so, shyly. When I return to facing him,
the warrior points at my many injures, the old one nearly healed and what I'd
suffered from last night.

     "I fought against wolves," I explain when pointing out their bites to my
legs, hip and my right arm. "The bad ones to my legs had to be seared by fire."

     "That looks like a knife wound," asks Dry Moss Stone.

     I peer down at my left shoulder. "Yes. A Spear-bearing warrior had struck
me there." I'm feeling reluctant to tell them about it.

     "Hmm. And these recent injuries to your face, chest and legs?"

     "You had said that you were attacked," adds Shakes-like-the-ground.

     I lower my eyes in shame. "I was being tested," is my only explanation.
I can't tell these men how the Darkness-that-comes was trying to turn me to
evil. It would frighten them! Perhaps risk my being cast out from their band.

     "You were only a boy when I last saw you," comments the war leader with
pride. "I can see that you've become a man and will be shaman of your tribe."

     I keep my eyes away from Shakes-like-the-ground. "Ah. My monedo didn't
initiate me a brave at Mid-summer," I mumble half to myself.

     "Ah. We know that you're undergoing a rite-of-passage, Willow Bird. I
won't press you to talk about it."

     I face the men and nod my head in gratitude. At some unseen signal, the
warriors rise to their feet and go to their horses. I tie the Wah-ha cloth
around my waist to cover the front of myself. The two clothes bundles are
taken in hand and hung from my shoulders. Our journey continues.

     I walk behind their horses. Shakes-like-the-ground is often looking back
at me, perhaps wondering why I'm not walking at his side as before. I'm afraid
that he might question me further. The only answers that I could give would
only worry him further. I really need to consult with their shaman!

     Father Sun falls behind the mountains. It grows dark. If we were to walk
only a little further, we'd reach the base of Mount Moy though we wouldn't
risk climbing its heights in the dark. Shakes-like-the-ground signals a stop.
His men stake-tie all the horses and their burdens are removed so that they
can rest.

     Buffalo meat is passed around when we sit in a circle to eat. No one
speaks as is custom. My tooth still aches me so I chew with only the right
side of my mouth. A water skin is passed around. I see the men glance
expectantly at Shakes-like-the-ground to bring out his pipe but he doesn't.
The air grows cool. There's a slight wind blowing.

     I rub my aching shoulders. Shakes-like-the-ground goes to his horse and
fetches a pouch. He approaches me with concern in his eyes. A water skin is
also taken in hand and the warrior kneels before me, revealing his intent to
tend to my wounds. A small clay bowl is filled with leaves after he's crushed
them in his big hand. Water is added to form a paste. The man applies it to my
face, right shoulder and the lined scrapes going down my chest. I feel an ease
to my pain.

     My feet are also tended to. After rinsing them with water, the warrior
uses the remaining paste to help bring healing to my soles. They weren't hurt
that much from my long walk but I appreciate this man's attention to them.

     "I thank you." My eyes fall from Shakes-like-the-ground for some reason.

     "I'm able to tend to your bodily wounds, Willow Bird but I can't heal
what's inside. Such pain in you! I hope that our shaman can help."

     Tears fill my eyes but I keep them from falling. I put on a brave face.
"You should be warned," my mouth whispers then is tightly shut.

     "Of what?" asks Shakes-like-the-ground, gently.

     I peer fearfully into this warrior's eyes. My mouth opens. "I'm being
pursued by evil."

     "That is what's worrying you?" the war leader asks. "I will keep you safe.
My personal medicine is strong, Willow Bird so if you keep close to me, nothing
bad will happen."

     I see this man's sincerity and utter belief in his medicine. My eyes
search for what it could be. He's wearing a small necklace of shells but
there's no fetish tied to it. His shirt is nicely painted. No power objects
there, either. I look lower. At his waist is tied a sacred bundle that likely
contains the personal medicine he's spoken of. I am without similar protection
for myself so I'll gladly accept this warrior's offer for protection.

     Shakes-like-the-ground gives my shoulder a fond squeeze. I rub my head
against his arm, glad that he's taking care of me. Our moment together is a
tender one. I feel something stirring in my heart for this man but I can't
allow it! I'm still in mourning for Smiles A Lot and I fear to love anyone
again.

     The warrior slowly rises to his feet with my arms falling from him. He
reverently closes his pouch. I watch him return it to his horse. My eyes fall
to his covered butt and that brings longing in me to feel its power.

     Full darkness has fallen. Ground mats are unrolled over the ground but
before anyone thinks of going to sleep, they turn to their war leader. Colored
Rain offers to stand guard first. When I announce my intent to relieve him
later in the night, Shakes-like-the-ground answers that I need my rest. I'm not
sure if that's his real reason for denying me that responsibility. Perhaps he
doesn't trust me to keep awake or sees me as only a boy. I don't know. Dry Moss
Stone falls to his ground mat. I'm given a shy gesture by Shakes-like-the-
ground to join him.

     I lay over his ground mat on my right side. The warrior settles behind me
close. Not touching me. I feel the sexual tension between us though. My head
is feeling very heavy. Sleep claims me the moment I close my eyes.

     Like a shadow, I prey on the boys of the Moss-bowl Tribe. Sah-omb is my
first victim. He's a willing youth who enjoys having his dick sucked. After
winning a sweet drink from his loins, I turn the boy around to kiss over his
soft butt. My tongue finds his hole and spit is put in him to prepare the way.
He wants our bodies to join! I eagerly lay over the youth and fuck him good.
My lusty yelps are barely kept inside me. When I sperm him, my hands tighten
around this boy's neck to offer his life unto my Dark Master. Power is granted
me from my evil act. I rush from the shaman's lodge and into the night.

     My naked body feels chilled. Against my belly, I feel my hard cock
burning with fire! That drives me on to my next victim. Another boy. Men are
avoided since I don't need their male power to fill my butt. The Darkness has
given me all that I require.

     I steal out Sun Beam from his parent's tipi. He has sleepy eyes and
doesn't realize the danger he'll find in my arms. I take him to Spirit Lake,
the place we had met earlier this summer. When the boy struggles, I cast a
dark spell over him to make him passive. We belly rub like before. His small
erection is no match to my strength but the rite needs him to feel his male
pleasure. After the boy's outcry, I turn his small body around in my arms. His
legs are dangling down along mine.

     My dripping knob slips between Sun Beam's cheeks. I pull over the youth's
tummy, forcing his small butt onto my cock. My lusty stabs begin. This has the
boy moaning in pain that's like music to my ears! I feel my building thrills
from fucking him good. His feet are kicking me but this boy's puny resistance
is no match to my adult lust. I use him badly. Wonderful thrills for me!

     Too soon, I'm shooting strong in his tight hole with an explosion of
pleasure! Ah. My rite is nearly done. I lower our bodies to the dirt, holding
Sun Beam close in my lap with my throbbing cock still in him. My hands reach
around his neck. Squeezing... My head rubs against his, making the Connection
between us so that I can sense when his spirit loosens from flesh. Small stabs
are made in his butt. I'm coaxing his little life to end. At the moment of
this boy's Flight, I bind his spirit to mine. My Dark Master is renewed and
I'm given more power as a Trickster.

     Sun Beam is tossed into Spirit Lake to desecrate its waters by murder.
Instead of feeling powerful, sadness comes to me. This is where Big Horn and
I had been together to make love. Oh, what would he think of what I've become!

     'What need for love?' scolds an angry voice. 'Forget him. That weak man
is dead like all the others you've held in your arms. Love killed them!'

     I lower my head with shame. My master is right. Anyone that I've tried to
love has been taken away from me because I loved them. Much better to satisfy
my lust with a boy and then move on to my next sweet victim.

     Guilt squeezes my heart. It's wrong to rape innocent boys and throwing
them away like a gnawed bone. I won't do it!

     'You cannot deny the path I've set before you, boy. You will be mine!'


     I awaken with a start. My terrible dream is already fading from my head
but it makes me realize that my trial is not over with. Darkness still tries
to claim me!

     My left foot reaches back to find Shakes-like-the-ground. He's not there.
I turn onto my back to look for him. The night is very dark and still. Like
death. I get to my feet and find a place away from camp to relieve myself.

     To my disgust, I feel the hardness to my dick in my hand. I'm denying its
need for that kind of relief. I piss from it instead. It's angrily tucked back
under the Wah-ha cloth when I'm finished. I rush back to the others.

     The war leader is found standing by his horse. The other two men are
sleeping. Shakes-like-the-ground must be on guard duty. I return to my ground
mat and lay down but my eyes remain open. I fear returning to sleep and being
tempted by evil in my dreams.


    I'm startled awake by a hand over my left arm. I turn to find Shakes-like-
the-ground peering down at me. Is that concern on his face? I can't see his
eyes in the dark. The man lowers himself to his ground mat, his hand keeping
its grip of my arm. I reach for it. Pulling his hand down to my breast so that
he can hold me closer. The warrior brings me against his chest. His left arm
comes under my head to cradle me. I'm feeling safe in his embrace. My eyes
close to seek sleep without worrying about more bad dreams.

     I awaken to snoring. A smile comes to my lips to hear that from this
warrior. I'm feeling my need to piss but I don't want to disturb him. He's
been keeping me safe in his arms throughout the night.

     The morning smells are breathed in: wet grass, flowers and horse dung.
It's a cool morning that has me wanting to share Shakes-like-the-ground's
warmth for a while longer. I wonder if the other men are awake?

     I spot Dry Moss Stone crouched low to the ground beyond my feet. He sees
that I'm awake and gives me a nod. I smile back at him. I'm feeling a little
embarrassed that he's been watching us. His war leader is holding me in his
arms as if I were his young squaw.

     One of the horses snorts. Shakes-like-the-ground stirs behind me so I
gently pull from his arms and find a place to squat. The towering mountains
draw my eyes. I realize with dread that we'll soon be making our climb up.
Big Horn had taken me to the Moss-bowl tribe only a handful of moons ago but
that seems so long ago. Much has happened since then. The boy that I was is
gone but I'm not feeling like a man yet.

     After relieving myself, I return to a busy camp. The warriors are packing
their horses. I fetch the clothes bundles that I'll be carrying again today.
Up the mountain?! I remember my last climb along that steep path. It was
difficult enough without being burdened as I am.

     Shakes-like-the-ground pulls on his horse's reins. The two warriors lead
their horses on either side, slightly behind their war leader. I follow in the
rear. My eyes search the heavily packed horses for room to carry even part of
my burden. The blankets could be opened and draped over a horse. No. That
would cause heat stress to the animal. Ours will be a long and difficult climb.
I wonder how their horses will manage it, packed as they are?

     My shoulders are already aching me. They were sore from yesterday so I'm
feeling increasing pain from my tortured muscles. I won't dare complain to the
men. Colored Rain's horse is carrying my sacks of buffalo meat that I can use
in trade for their decorated pots. How mother would love to have a few to
adorn her tipi! My face drops to the ground. I'm remembering the troubles that
I've left behind. I may not be able to return home again.

     I'm struggling to keep up with the warriors. They only have to tug on
their horses, free of any personal burdens. Anger grows in me. I'm expecting
a rest stop that never seems to happen. Father Sun's Head rises above the
forests behind us, adding to the heat of my body. Sweat covers me. I can
barely lift an arm to wipe my eyes.

     I'm often lowering my bundles to the ground to sneak brief rests. The
distance grows between us. To my surprise, the warriors seem to have forgotten
about me. No one looks back. I try catching up by running but the effort
exhausts me. Their walk continues far ahead while I'm struggling to keep up.

     Shakes-like-the-ground finally signals a stop. I rush forward to join
them, nearly tripping over my feet so they won't notice how far I've been
lagging behind. My heavy bundles are dropped. A hunk of buffalo meat is being
passed around. Bites are taken before it's given to the next man. Colored Rain
tosses me what remains. I hungrily chew down on this scrap.

     "Your bundles are feeling like they are rocks instead of blankets."
Colored Rain laughs.

     "You'll manage, Willow Bird." The warrior turns away with a sly grin.

     The horses are watered and our thirsts are satisfied. My eyes return to
the clothes bundles with dread. I'm not ready to be carrying them again!

     "We begin our climb there," announces Shakes-like-the-ground.

     I follow the warrior's outstretching arm to where he points to: a distant
feature between the two mountains. Still a ways off. The men take up their
horses' reins and rush forward. I stand between my bundles, reluctant to sling
their thongs over my aching shoulders.

     Anger fills me. Why haven't these men noticed my exhaustion during our
break? I've given my hint to Colored Rain but he only laughed at me. Sweat
runs down my body. These men are treating me worse than an old horse!

     My hands grip the long thongs hanging down from my shoulders to keep them
from biting into my skin. I try getting my feet to a faster pace but I'm not
able to. My anger grows with the pain. Breaths race through my mouth and I
feel the need to drink water.

     I drudge ahead. Step after step that tortures my aching legs. I'm
tempted to drop the bundles but to do so would prove that I am a weak boy. I
must keep going on.

     My eyes close when sweat stings them. I can't lift either of my hands to
wipe them dry. The cuts to my face, neck and chest are stinging me bad. That
pain is nothing compared to my screaming shoulders and legs.

     I notice that the horses have stopped ahead of me. Are the warriors
waiting for me to catch up? When I get close, I see the stone trail leading up
into the mountain. Excitement is seen on all the men's faces. Colored Rain
waves his hand at me, urging me to hurry.

     I'm kept to a slow walk. I can't find the energy to run even if my life
depended on it! Shakes-like-the-ground unties a water skin from his horse. He
drinks first, reminding me of my terrible thirst. His cupped hands are filled
with water that he offers his horse. Dry Moss Stone relieves his appaloosa.
Colored Rain lifts his water skin towards me in a gesture to quench my thirst.

     My bundles are eagerly dropped. I forget my anger. I'm unable to run the
distance between us but after a handful of steps, I reach the warrior. My
mouth greedily gulps down the water. Some spills down to my chest.

     "Slowly, Willow Bird!

     I wipe my mouth and return the warrior his water skin. Shakes-like-the-
ground points out something to Dry Moss Stone. My eyes are drawn to a large
moss-covered rock between them that I recognize. Big Horn had shown me this
trail marker. It's a carved stone in the shape of a decorated pot. A small
stream runs beside it.

     Before anyone says a word, I'm fetching a pebble to ritual drop inside it.
"I come in peace to visit with the People who had made you. Please safely guide
my feet unto them."

     Shakes-like-the-ground nods at me with approval. This stone vessel is
half-filled with pebbles. I know that others have since visited with this
mountain tribe. Likely to trade for their decorated clay pots. Big Horn had
showed me this peace gesture earlier this summer. His tossed pebble with mine
lies deeper within this pot. Sadness fills me. I am missing him very much.

     Dry Moss Stone tugs on his horse to follow after his war leader. Colored
Rain is third in line. With a sigh, I shoulder the two clothes bundles and
chase after them. I don't have to be told that this won't be an easy climb. It
had taken Big Horn and I from noon to night to reach the Moss-bowl Tribe. This
second climb of mine is beginning in the morning but the warriors are leading
heavily packed horses. We probably won't reach their tribe until after dark.

     It's very slow going. The horses balk at the steep climb and they release
sharp whinnies of complaint. My shoulders and legs ache with fatigue but I
won't let these men know of my pain. I try focusing on the swishing tails
before me, smiling when Colored Rain's gelding drops a smelly pile at my feet.
I've spied on this horse's butt hole. A ringed opening that my cock could
easily fit inside to fuck.

     I nervously glance around. Evil is following me so I was half-expecting
to Hear his sweet voice in my head, telling me that a boy's would be tighter
around my cock and feel better than a horse's asshole to shoot in my sperm.
There's only silence. My thoughts are my own while it's daylight. I think that
he must wait for the night to Speak or tempt me in my dreams.

     Our path levels off when we walk between two rising walls. A small canyon
comes into view. I eagerly search for the drawings I'd seen the last time I
was here. Scenes of naked men hunting huge shaggy animals too large to be
buffalo. I'm disappointed to not find them again. Big Horn had been surprised
when I had pointed them out to him. He claimed that they were missed during
his two previous climbs. I think that Father Sun has to be at the height of
His sky for anyone to see these faint markings. It's still early morning. They
are in shadow.

     I'm startled by a loud blast! My bundles are quickly dropped when I dash
to join the men. Shakes-like-the-ground gives me a sly grin. He blows on a
strange horn that makes that sound again. It's carried far across the canyon.
Who is he signaling to and why?

     The war leader lowers his horn. I see that it's a huge sea shell, smooth
and shiny with a curving that reminds me of a snail. Shakes-like-the-ground
turns his head to listen and we hear an answering call. From far away and
above us. Dry Moss Stone gives me a knowing smile. I shrug my shoulders.

     "Our People know to expect us," the warrior explains. "They'll rush down
with fresh horses to relieve ours, helping to ensure our safe journey back
home."

     I smile comes to my lips. "That's good, Dry Moss Stone. I didn't think
I'd be able to carry those bundles all the way up your mountain!"

     "You still have a ways to go with my blankets," chides Colored Rain. "My
horse has been carrying your sacks of buffalo meat."

     "Can we first take a rest?" I ask with anger filling my voice. "You only
have a horse's reins to tug on while my shoulders have endured the burden of
your clothes bundles since yesterday. Now, I'm facing a steep climb."

     "Are you complaining?" asks Shakes-like-the-ground with concern.

     I show the war leader a plain face. "I am only stating the obvious.
You've all seen me carrying these bundles without an ill remark from me."

     "Ah. You mentioned to me earlier that my blankets had felt like rocks."

     I face Colored Rain. "Yes. But you didn't take my hint to heart even
though you'd seen how far I was falling behind." Dry Moss Stone covers his
mouth with his hand, trying to hide a grin.

     "You should have said something sooner," says Shakes-like-the-ground. He
turns to Colored Rain. "Willow Bird will lead your horse and you will carry
those bundles until our People meet us."

     I watch the young warrior pass me to fetch his clothes bundles. They're
easily hefted from the ground, no sign of distress on Colored Rain's face. I'm
given a gesture by the war leader to come forward to take the horse's reins.

     "They're not that heavy," remarks Colored Rain.

     I become bold. "Not yet! Wait until you've walked a ways with them. Their
thongs will bite into your shoulders and Father Sun's heated Hand falls upon
your back." Dry Moss Stone releases a deep belly laugh.

     I catch Shakes-like-the-ground's sly grin at my words. He motions for me
to walk at his side, our horses hand in hand.

     "That was mean of you."

     I give the war leader a toothy grin. "I spoke only the truth."

     "Hmm. We were surprised that you had made it this far."

     I'm struck by Shakes-like-the-ground's remark. Big Horn had said that men
would come to test me. Is that respect I see in this warrior's eyes for me? It
is very sweet!

     Our steep climb begins again. We're passing the long canyon on our right
and that reminds me of its drawings. Has he seen them? I ask my companion.

     "Ah, yes. You have good eyes! I didn't think they could be seen this
early in the morning."

     I glance back at the canyon. Its walls are still in shadow. "I can't. My
monedo had taken me this way earlier this summer during high noon. That's when
I'd seen the faint drawings. Tell me. Who had painted those scenes?"

     Shakes-like-the-ground lowers his head in deep thought before speaking.
"Our shaman had told me a story about them in my youth," he whispers. "I think
this is how it goes.

     "A very long time ago, the scattered tribes in our world were once one
great tribe. They had been kept on an icy cold mountain with little to eat. A
great leader came forth and he took the one People through a hole he had found
down to the warm valleys. They cast away their winter clothes and went about
naked under Father Sun's loving Hand.

     "Our hunters found these big shaggy animals in a valley. In spite of
their great size, the beasts were gentle and wise yet the hungry People ate
them all up. That's why there are no more of them. In anger, the Great Spirit
had these People paint their sins on that canyon wall that can only be seen at
the height of Father Sun in His sky. We're to be reminded that only in the
truth of Light can His children find wisdom that's needed to guide our short
lives. All things, great and small are considered equal."

     We walk on in silence. I'm reminded that shaman Deep-roots-that-whisper
had given me a similar account when I'd asked him about the wall paintings.
It's obviously a teaching lesson. I ponder over its meaning to my own
situation. I'm considered by many to be only a boy yet I've done great things.
Some bad... Our Father loves all His children but to some are given special
gifts. I've tried to use them for the good of my People. Smiles A Lot was to
teach me how. Tears fill my eyes. I try keeping my face from the war leader to
hide my shame. Oh, I'm missing my lover very much! This mountain reminds me of
Big Horn, too. I've been left with an empty hand.

     I gasp with surprise when my left hand is clasped. It's Shakes-like-the-
ground who holds me. He is smiling when I show him my wet face.

     "You are mourning for your monedo."

     I angrily shake my head. "He died several moons ago," I explain in a
harsh whisper. "My heart had found another to love."

     "Tell me about him, Willow Bird."

     I face Shakes-like-the-ground, pulling my hand from his. "He was murdered
by the Split Tribe. I can't tell you about him! Not yet. The pain from his loss
is too recent a wound to my heart. I fear that it will break!"

     Tears continue to fall down my face and the warrior remains silent. He
stays close at my side. I think he wants to ask me something but is reluctant
to do so. My arm is wiped across my eyes. I glance timidly at my companion.

     "Ah. Can you tell me if your People fear an attack from the Split Tribe?"

     I shake my head. "If anything, my lover's death served to ease the tension
between our two People." A bitter laugh escapes from me.

     We continue our walk in silence and for that, I am glad. The path takes us
far above the rolling plains. It often winds back onto itself. Not too steeply
for a man on foot. The burdened horses often snort with distain. I wonder how
far we must climb before we're met by my companions' tribesmen?

     A rest stop is taken. The men only drink water and their horses are seen
to. Belly straps checked and soothing words are offered to calm the suffering
beasts. I glance back at Colored Rain. My smile is kept from my lips when I
catch him rubbing his aching shoulders.

     Our journey continues. I note eagerness in all the warriors. In spite of
the trail turning steeper and scary, they are walking faster. The narrowing
path forces me to fall back behind Shakes-like-the-ground. Dry Moss Stone
follows after me. Colored Rain toils with his two bundles in the rear.

     My legs are aching and sweat covers my body. I've become short of breath
as if in a long run. I don't complain about the difficult climb. There's
nothing that can be done about it. I'm reminded of seeing the pride in Shakes-
like-the-ground's eyes for me for having carried those bundles as far as I did.
Or had that come from daring to voice my complaint? Hmm. I think the point to
his lesson was that I should have asked for their help when needing it. I
should have come to realize this sooner.

     Voices are heard ahead of us. I strain to look past Shakes-like-the-
ground's horse for his tribesmen that we're expecting. We stop dead on the
trail. The war leader calls out his greeting to them. I turn back to look at
Dry Moss Stone and Colored Rain. They keep their positions but their faces
reveal the longing they are feeling to meet them too.

     Four men are come with some horses that they've brought. They talk
excitedly with each other about the good trade that's been had with the Wah-ha
People. I'm introduced. Packs are removed from the exhausted horses and placed
over the three fresh horses that were brought down from camp. I sit over a
sheer cliff to rest throughout it all.

     I'm finding it hard to breathe. Shakes-like-the-ground notices my
distress. He brings a water skin for me to drink from. With a helpful hand,
the warrior lifts me back to my feet. I'm surprised by my weakness! He doesn't
release me from his arm when our climb continues. I notice the curious stares
from some of the warriors on us.

     I feel the need to speak with my companion about things but fear being
overheard. He returns my timid glances. No. There will be time later to speak
with him. He's proven to be a good man.

     It grows noticeably cooler. Father Sun has long been hidden by the
mountain, preventing me from judging when night would fall but now it is
coming. I smell the strong scent of trees in the air. Torches are lit to find
our way in the dark.

     We walk on and on without an end to it. I'm getting sleepy eyes. I press
my head against the warrior's chest, eyes closing. I'll not allow myself to go
to sleep but it feels good to rest, put my trust in this man. He'll keep me
safe in his strong arm.

     I hear the men's voices grow loud and the horses whinny excitedly. They
know that camp is near. My feet come to level ground. I straighten up and my
companion releases his arm from around me. A group of men bearing torches
greet us. Shakes-like-the-ground's horse is taken away. He leads me past many
square lodges that smoke from fires within. I look forward to being warm. It
feels like winter up here! I have to wrap my arms around myself to keep warm.

     "Is it urgent that you see our shaman?" asks Shakes-like-the-ground.

     A yawn escapes me. "No. Please take me to your lodge so that I can sleep.
I'll see him... (another yawn) in the morning." My companion takes hold of my
hand. He leads me in the dark to the other end of camp. A long way! The warrior
pulls on a door flap and enters with me following. To my relief, I see that a
fire has been laid in the central pit. I'm glancing around this tree barked
lodge to see if we're alone. The man drops like a stone to his ground mat. I
join him with my eyes closing in sleep.

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