Date: Fri, 16 Jul 2010 14:39:08 +0100 (BST)
From: clancampbell1968@mypostoffice.co.uk
Subject: A Dozen Black Roses
A DOZEN BLACK ROSES
Act One Scene One
An upmarket restaurant.The lighting is dimmed and candles are flickering on
the six tables.
It is Maggie's birthday and Caroline has taken her out for the evening.She
has just given her some presents.
MAGGIE This necklace is gorgeous,Caroline and..the book as well.You
certainly have spent alot of money on me!
CAROLINE You are worth every penny,darling-and much more besides.Look
inside the front cover and you'll see that it is not any old book.
Maggie opens the book and gasps.
MAGGIE It is a first edition and.. personally signed.I am impressed!How did
you manage that?
CAROLINE Oh,just much negotiation with the publishing company.My original
plan was to buy you a copy of that book Billy Connolly wrote about his
travels.You know the one about the television series you watched last year?
MAGGIE 'Journey to the Edge of the World'?
CAROLINE Yes,that's the one-but Billy wasn't playing ball,so to speak -so
Headline sent me afew brochures listing books that were about to be
published.I spotted this one-and my mind was made up!It is about the
Glasgow tenements.I remembered you telling me that you had stayed in one
when you were first married.The author was more than happy to sign it for
you and..there you are!
MAGGIE You are clever,Caroline-but why two presents?
CAROLINE Well,after all the trouble with Billy the publishers gave it to me
as a complimentary copy so,as I said to the marketing assistant on the
'phone,'she can have two presents now'!
MAGGIE Well,thank-you once again.Now let us choose something from this
menu-I am starving!
CAROLINE I quite fancy the mussels myself as a starter.They do them in all
manner of sauces here-quite delicious!Anything grab your fancy?
MAGGIE Well,you know me-I am not exactly the adventurous type.I think I'll
have the smoked haddock souffle for starters and the salmon as a main.
The waiter comes to take their order.
Talking about adventure,I don't suppose either of us will forget your
taste of extreme caving back in March!
CAROLINE That's what I like about you.You are always so supportive and
encouraging over any new projects or challenges that I fancy trying,however
daft.If I remember rightly,that weekend up in Sutherland was the first time
I mentioned to anyone that I had a girlfriend.It felt really liberating to
be honest with people.I was alittle worried when I started my new job about
it all but now it feels so natural and..good!Of course,I never mention any
names.
MAGGIE This day and age most people are OK with all that.
CAROLINE I am so glad that you were free to come out tonight.I offered to
take you out weeks ago but as usual you were only able to confirm at the
last minute.
MAGGIE Well,you know me I have never been much good at planning
ahead,especially since Mum had her stroke.Mind you,even before then nobody
could have accused me of being organised!
CAROLINE That's true.I recall afew months ago you only gave me thirty
minutes notice that you were dropping round on the way back from Duncan's!
MAGGIE Well,my life is not exactly simple at the best of times!I don't know
why you put up with me sometimes!
CAROLINE Fishing for compliments again,are we?
MAGGIE Well,no..
CAROLINE You have completed transformed my life,Maggie.Remember what I was
like at the office?I wouldn't talk to anybody and apart from my two cats at
home I did not really have anyone or anything in my life back then.
MAGGIE You were certainly 'in your shell'-but I just opened the
door,really.Your parents suppressed you but now you are your true self.The
real you!
CAROLINE You opened the door to 'Paradise' more like!I have never been as
happy as I am now.Being in love with you is like having a string of lights
around my heart-it's wonderful!
She raises her glass.
Happy Birthday,darling!I love you so very much!
MAGGIE Well,you certainly seem alot happier than you did a year ago.
She too raises her glass.
Ah,good here are our starters.Those mussels do look tasty!
Scene Two
Duncan and Grant's living room.Tastefully furnished in a traditional
style.Sounds of Mozart can be heard playing.Evening time.
The two men are seated together on the sofa.There are two full glasses and
half a bottle of red wine on the table in front of them.
DUNCAN Well,just two weeks to go now to our big day!Exciting,isn't it?
GRANT Absolutely!I cannot wait to marry you and tell the whole world what a
lucky fellow I am!
DUNCAN You are sweet!I am looking forward to meeting your sister Clare.She
sounds divine!How is her novel coming along?
GRANT Very well,actually.Of course,she has written dozens of non- fiction
books but a first novel is always special.Perhaps you could publish it for
her?
DUNCAN Well,darling you know me,always happy to oblige- but if it does not
have a gay or lesbian theme then the company will not really be interested
in it.It is about soldiers in the Falklands War,isn't it?
GRANT Yes,that's right but.. one or two 'come out'!
DUNCAN Oh,I see..well,in that case let me have a look at the draft and I
will see what I can do.Who else are you planning to invite?
GRANT Well,there are several people from work-one or two of my fellow
consultants and many of the nurses on Darwin are practically queuing up for
an invite!No-one else from the family-David does not exactly approve of me
being gay,as you know.
By the way,have you chosen the music for the ceremony and our reception
yet?I thought it was a lovely idea of yours to hire a pianist to play in
the registrary office and then to have that saxophonist for the evening.
DUNCAN I am glad that you approve!You boldly informed me that 'money was no
object' and I can't imagine that I shall ever be doing this again,so I
thought we might as well 'splash the cash'!As to my choice of
music,well,you will just have to wait and see as long as you promise me the
first dance!Let me pop that melody onto the CD player now just so I can
make sure that you won't show me up by your lack of skills!
GRANT Cheeky!I bet that I have attended many more formal functions in the
past where my natural talents were required than you have had hot
dinners!Go and put the song on then and I'll show you just how twinkle-toed
I am!
Duncan goes over to the stereo and changes the compact disc.The sound of
Bryan Adams' '(Everything I Do) I Do It For You' can be heard.Duncan walks
back to the sofa and offers his hand to Grant.
DUNCAN May I,kind sir?
GRANT I don't mind if I do!
He joins Duncan and they dance in a close embrace until the music
stops.Both resume their places on the sofa.
DUNCAN(slightly breathless) Now where were we?Oh,yes-we were talking about
your loyal fan club! It does sound like you have practically a harem at the
hospital.You will be telling me that you have a foot in both camps next!
GRANT You must be joking!The very thought of all those breasts and squeaky
voices.I did sleep with a woman once but then I acquired more sophisticated
tastes.When I think back to all those lazy evenings I spent at
'Steamworks'....
DUNCAN Does anything ever go on in those establishments?
GRANT By 'go on',do you mean sex?!
DUNCAN Well,yes.
GRANT Most of the time one just sits around chatting-with or without a
towel tied around one's waist- but on the odd occasion,I did lock eyes with
someone and we discreetly retired to one of the cubicles the management so
kindly provide!I met one chap there who I just could not get out of my
mind.We saw each other afew times before he had an attack of the conscience
and tottered back to his wife!
DUNCAN Oh,so he was bisexual then?Did you love him?
GRANT Yes,he did bat for both sides.So many married men do even if they do
not admit it to themselves.Give me a man who has not gazed over at another
chap's member whilst standing at a urinal or who has not let his gaze drop
whilst showering after a rugby match!
DUNCAN That may be so but-did you fall for him?
GRANT Yes,I did-but since meeting you I realise that my feelings for him
were mere infatuations,not the deep love that I thought I felt for him at
the time.
DUNCAN What do you mean by that?
GRANT Well,the love I have for you-and the overwhelming pride that I feel
when I think or refer to you as 'my boyfriend'-overshadows and dwarfs any
feelings that I had for him-or anyone else for that matter.I love you so
very much,Duncan!
DUNCAN(teasingly) And what is it about me that you love so much?
GRANT Well,it is not your dress sense for starters!If those jeans had any
more holes in them we could sell them as fishing nets!
DUNCAN I caught you in them so they cannot be all that bad!But
seriously,what is it about me that you find so terribly attractive?I know I
am a fantastic lover-but,asides from that..
GRANT Modest,as always!I don't really know...
Duncan's hand slides towards Grant's crotch and lingers over the obvious
bulge.
GRANT(in mock horror) What are you upto?
DUNCAN Well,you know what they say,'actions speak louder than words'!
He slowly unbuttons Grant's flies and slides his hand inside.
Grant sighs and takes Duncan into his arms,kissing him deeply.
He pulls back slightly.
GRANT(heavy with emotion) Now I know why I love you so much!
Duncan teases Grant's penis from its lair and runs his hand up and down the
shaft afew times.It becomes fully erect and Grant gasps as Duncan slides
off the sofa onto his knees and teasingly licks the head.
He takes it into his mouth and slides his lips down to the shaft,slowly
picking up the tempo.This continues for several delicious minutes.
GRANT(gasping) Of all the men I have had,you certainly give the best head!
DUNCAN(coming up for air) Watch it,sweetheart,you know I am the of the
jealous persuasion and..you are in a very vulnerable position at the
moment!
He squeezes the shaft tightly.
GRANT Ouch,I get the message!Why don't you climb back up here and I will
relief the pressure that seems to be building up in your jeans?
Duncan stands up and unbuttons his jeans,sliding them down his thighs.The
fabric of his underpants are straining at the crotch just at Grant's
eyelevel.
Grant stares hungrily and quickly the pants join the jeans around Duncan's
ankles.
Duncan's penis is almost touching his umbilicus.Grant begins to suck on him
with a terrible passion.
DUNCAN Be careful,big boy.I shall be needing that on my wedding night!
GRANT(stopping what he is doing for the moment,growls) I'm not going to
bite it off,for God's sake!
He increases his rhythm-and after a minute or two Duncan lets out a yell of
pleasure.
Grant hastily pulls a handkerchief out of his trouser pocket and catches
the stream of semen in it.He places the item gingerly on the carpet to the
side of the sofa.
Duncan,his penis still quivering,laughs.
DUNCAN You and your precious furniture!
GRANT(looking sheepish) Sorry but I can?t help it!
You have shot your load,so to speak.Blimey,I sound just like you!
Look at my poor member throbbing like..
DUNCAN(turning away from Grant,having kicked away his clothes and shoes) My
cute little bottom could sort that out,no problem!
He lowers himself down to the floor and on all fours presents his posterior
to Grant.
Still fully dressed with just his penis sticking semi-erect out of his
flies,Grant kneels down behind his fiance,pulls at his member a couple of
times and then places his tongue over Duncan?s already puckering anus.
He licks around the orifice whilst his right hand stretches round to cup
Duncan?s testicles.He runs his hand down his shaft.
Duncan moans loudly.
DUNCAN God,you?ll have be coming again before you?ve even started!
Take me,baby.I want to fill that gorgeous prick of yours deep inside me!
Grant grins and concentrates.He straightens and places the tip of his penis
at the entry of Duncan?s rectum.
DUNCAN Take me to Nirvana,darling!
Grant steels himself and pushes his penis forcefully home.He pulls back
slightly and then his full shaft is buried deeply within Duncan.
DUNCAN(between breaths) Let me feel your balls banging against my arse!
Grant,reddening in the face continues to drive his member in and out of
Duncan?s bottom,his testicles indeed slapping against his fiance?s
buttocks.
DUNCAN Don?t pull out,come inside me.
God,I think I?m coming too!
Grant thrusts one more time and collapses over Duncan,breathing heavily.
Duncan shudders too and as Grant?s now flagging member slips out of his
bottom he turns and takes him in his arms.They kiss for a long time and
then settle on the floor resting against the front of the sofa leaning
against each other.
GRANT Blimey,that?s my exercise done for afew days.
Duncan grins at him and places a tender kiss on his forehead.
GRANT(looking down at Duncan?s penis which is still semi-erect) I thought
you said you were going to come-or is that you up and ready again?!
DUNCAN(stroking his member gently) I did come but not in that way.I was
reading online the other day about prostatic orgasms and..well,I think I
just had one!
I feel wonderful-so peaceful.You certainly did the trick!
GRANT I am so pleased,darling.I love you,sweetheart.
They both stand up and adjust their clothing and settle back onto the
sofa.
Now where were we?
Pause
Oh,yes.You were asking me what I found so attractive about you.
Well,sometimes it is just the chemistry between two people.I look around at
our works dos at my colleagues' husbands or wives and often wonder how
so-and-so actually got together.Look at your friend Maggie,for example.How
did she ever become invovled with Andrew?They seem so unsuited!
DUNCAN I really could not comment on that,seeing as I have never met him.He
is always away checking out some new business venture or other on the odd
occasion that I go up to Stirling to see Maggie.You met them both at the
estate agency when we were completing the paperwork on this place,didn't
you?
GRANT Yes,that's right.You were tied up at work if I remember
rightly.Andrew popped into the office to give Maggie a lift home seeing as
how her car was out of action at the garage.
DUNCAN What was he like?
GRANT Andrew?
DUNCAN Well,yes.
GRANT Interesting face.I did not really look any closer,seeing as I only
had eyes for you at the time!We had just decided to move in together so I
was not likely to be ogling other men,was I?
DUNCAN I suppose not.
GRANT It should be me questioning you over your choice of
'husband',really.You have had many more partners than me.You must be one of
Gaydar's best customers!
DUNCAN Maybe once.You know how much I used to hate just dropping into a gay
bar in the hope of scoring for the night.Sometimes I did see a guy I
fancied but I got so tongue tied and nervous by the time I had plucked up
the courage to ask him out he had moved onto another target!
GRANT I can quite imagine!
DUNCAN Cruising along by that canal up by the industrial estate at the far
side of town was not much better.I spotted a man there once who did look
rather promising.All his muscles were in the right places-if you get my
meaning!I sidled up to him and discreetly suggested he might like to join
me for a stroll-there were some toilets open afew hundred yards from there
back then-but instead of an eager grin I felt an enormous fist in my face!
GRANT He was not gay,I guess!
DUNCAN No,just a bodybuilder out for some fresh air.How was I to know?He
looked queer!
GRANT I have always blessed my parents-God rest their souls!-for endowing
me with conventional looks.I could be standing in a room full of so-called
straight guys and no-one would ever suspect I prefer gentlemen rather than
ladies whereas as yourself,well..
DUNCAN(in a falsetto voice) Whatever do you mean?
GRANT Well,nobody could ever accuse you of being macho,darling!
DUNCAN You would not have me any other way!
GRANT Very true!Come on,it is getting late!I have an early start in the
morning and Maggie is coming over at nine to take you and Oliver to that
blasted cat show.
DUNCAN Good job you reminded me,darling.What with everything going on,I had
quite forgotten about the club show.It is fortunate that like me Oliver
always looks his best!
GRANT If you say so!Just remember to mention Clare's book when you drop
into the office after it is all over.Just think what an impression you will
make as her future brother-in-law if your boss argrees to publish it.
DUNCAN I will do my best.Now,let's go to bed and you can tell me again how
wonderful I am!!
They both exit .
SCENE THREE
Maggie and Andrew's kitchen.Alittle untidy but clean.Early evening the
following day.The faint sounds of 'Queen' can be heard in the background.
A cat is curled up on a chair in the corner of the room,gently purring.
Maggie is preparing supper for herself and Duncan,chopping vegetables on
the worktop to the right of the stove.
Duncan is perched at the breakfast bar to the right of the stage,sipping
his Gin and Tonic.
DUNCAN Well,Oliver seems content.I can hear him purring from here!
MAGGIE That is what winning 'best cat in show' does for you.It is a good
job I got to your place early this morning and cast a critical eye over you
both-as well as a brush!
DUNCAN(laughing) Thank-you for that-and for looking after him while I was
at work this afternoon.It seemed silly for us to drive all the way back to
Edinburgh when you were cooking supper for us here tonight.If it wasn't for
Grant working at the Royal Infirmary we would probably have bought a house
nearer to Stirling.I could have come over to see you more often then rather
than you always having to drive to Edinburgh.Travelling all that way by bus
can be so demoralizing!
I will never understand why you don't show your two gorgeous felines.Their
pedigrees are almost as perfect as Oliver's.
MAGGIE Not that 'old chestnut'!Olivia and Archie just prefer to curl up on
my lap-they can't be doing with all that kerfuffle,any more than I can.
DUNCAN Andrew is away so much nowadays you need something to cuddle up
with.Where is he this evening?
MAGGIE Oh,I think he is 'down south' somewhere.Celtic Ceramics is always
looking to increase its retail outlets in England.
DUNCAN I hope you will both be free a week Saturday.Something rather
fabulous will be happening at a certain registry office in town.
MAGGIE How could I forget?You have been talking about little else ever
since Grant asked you to marry him!
DUNCAN You must be fed up hearing about it.So,what have you been upto since
we last met?
MAGGIE Just a minute,Duncan.Let me pop this casserole into the oven and
then we will have afew minutes for us to talk properly before I need to
make a start on the desert.
DUNCAN What are we having?
MAGGIE Well,I thought I would make one of my trademark chocolate
souffles,seeing as that is your favourite.How does that sound?
DUNCAN My mouth is watering already.You do seem alittle on edge this
evening.I thought perhaps something was not quite right.
MAGGIE(sitting down across from Duncan) Everything is fine,really.I am
probably worrying over nothing but..
DUNCAN Go on,do tell!
MAGGIE I hope you don't think that I am losing the plot-but a friend of
mine reckons she has fallen in love with me!
DUNCAN Wow,so you are joining the queer club with me then after all!!
MAGGIE This is no laughing matter,Duncan.She refers to me as 'her
girlfriend' and seems absolutely besotted with me!
DUNCAN Oh,right.So,where did you meet this person?What is her name?Strange
that you have never mentioned her before.
MAGGIE I wanted to tell you but I had to sort my own feelings out first.The
problem is that I think I might be falling for her too!
To answer your questions,her name is Caroline.She used to work at the
estate agency,sitting at the desk opposite mine but she left there last
year to join a mortgage firm in town.She only stays two miles away from
here and we used to go out for a drink together on a Friday.
DUNCAN What's she like then?Older or younger than you?
MAGGIE She's just turned fifty.I suppose you would describe her as alittle
old fashioned but conversely she is also into extreme sports!She went
caving up in Sutherland this March and is always up to something new.
DUNCAN You said you might be falling for her.I always thought you were
strictly 'hetero',Maggie.It comes as quite a shock, all this!
MAGGIE I can imagine!I don't know,really.I guess she just makes me feel
appreciated and special.
DUNCAN Has she kissed you yet?
MAGGIE Not exactly.When we say hello or goodbye to each other,if you see
what I mean I make a point of turning my head to one side so her lips
always land up on the edge of my mouth.I must be getting better as once
upon a time my cheek were their usual destination!
DUNCAN Do you reckon she would kiss you properly if you allowed her to?
MAGGIE Probably-but I guess it is me who has the hang-ups.
DUNCAN What do you mean?Do you know for sure if she is actually lesbian or
bisexual?Perhaps she just regards you as a close friend-and does not fancy
you at all.Mine you,if ladies floated my boat I would have you under that
duvet before you could say,'Hurrah for Oscar Wilde'!
MAGGIE I can tell that is not your first gin and tonic of the evening!To be
honest,I am not a hundred per cent sure.I know she has been married in the
past and was dating guys up until last Christmas but she informed me months
ago that now that she has me in her life there is no need for that
anymore.I am pretty certain that if we met up as often now as when we were
working together then our relationship would have passed the platonic
stage-but as I said I am not sure.
DUNCAN It sounds to me,Maggie that you are just scared of finding out.Why
not let her kiss you and just see what happens?You might discover your true
self!
MAGGIE As usual,Duncan you are probably right.I often find myself thinking
about Caroline when I am in the house on my own which nowadays is quite
often.She compliments me on how I look and is always inquiring after the
family.She has been so supportive since Mum had her stroke and really seems
to understand about my domestic situation.I just feel guilty that I am even
contemplating a physical relationship with her.I am happily married,after
all!
DUNCAN I am aware that you have been with Andrew for fifteen years-which is
more than you would get for murder nowadays-but can you really stand-or
should I say 'perch' there-and tell me in all honesty that you are still in
a state of marital bliss?
MAGGIE Well,we have our moments but- our lovelife is not what it was!
DUNCAN Can't the old man get it up anymore then?Mind you compared to my
Grant any guy would feel inadequate in that department!
MAGGIE You are awlful,Duncan but once again you have hit the proverbial
nail on its head.He comes across as very loving at first but by the time we
reach the bedroom his thoughts seem to be elsewhere.Maybe he just does not
fancy me anymore.
DUNCAN If I was in your shoes,darling-but I leave all that to the gender
benders!-I would give Caroline a chance.She obviously loves you very much
and I was always lead to believe that if someone tells you that they are
'in' love with you then that means that ultimately they want to take you to
bed.Myself,I could not do without an erect member or two to tantalize my
tastebuds-but I have heard that despite the obvious lack of phallus lesbian
sex can be very satisfying.I bet Caroline makes a much better job of
sucking your nipples than Andrew does!!
MAGGIE Duncan,you are outrageous-but I get your point.I really ought to
find more time to see her,anyway.It was eleven weeks last time-and I think
Caroline found our long separation very difficult-as did I if I am honest
with myself.Let us get your long awaited wedding out of the way, then I
shall invite her over for supper one evening.I had better make sure that it
is a night that Andrew is away just in case we do end up in bed
together,doing rather more than just sucking nipples!
DUNCAN See,you do fancy her!I shall wait with bated breath for news of any
developments.
MAGGIE(going over to the worktop) Damn,I have forgotten to make that
souffle after all that chat.Would you be happy with some ice-cream out of
the freezer instead?Otherwise it will be midnight before we sit down to eat
and that casserole will be only be fit for Oliver's supper!
DUNCAN Ice-cream will be fine but Maggie,come and sit back down a
minute.You are not the only one with something to confess.
MAGGIE Oh,so that is why you have been knocking back those G and Ts like
water.What have you been upto now?
DUNCAN I don't know where to start,really.There's you all in a bother about
fancying your friend Caroline and frantically trying to resist temptation
whilst I have already succumbed to my lusty urges!
MAGGIE Blimey!Surely you have not been unfaithful to Grant?You are always
going on about his prowess as a lover so I presumed that all your ?lusty
urges? were well and truly taken care of!
DUNCAN Usually they are-but six months ago I had a blazing argument with
him and I started sleeping in the spare room.He just threw himself even
more into his work and refused to speak to me...
MAGGIE Go on.
DUNCAN(taking a large gulp of his drink) One evening he was at that damn
hospital again and I just cracked.You know before I met him I used to surf
the gay sites if I was in the need of some gentlemanly attention,so to
speak?
MAGGIE Yes,I was always worried when you told me that you were going off to
meet your latest contact.I suppose you found someone that evening,did you?
DUNCAN I feel most ashamed to admit it but yes,I found this guy who said he
was away from home on business and was looking for a younger man to spend
the night with.We exchanged a couple of e-mails and then I arranged to meet
him the following evening at his hotel.
MAGGIE What was he like then?I must admit I am still reeling from this.I
know you used to ?play the field?,so to speak but I can hardly believe that
just because you weren?t sleeping with Grant you had to go and find someone
else.I always find that masturbation works for me,especially now that I
have Caroline as well as Andrew to fantastise about!By God,perhaps I really
am turning into a lesbian-well,a bisexual at least!
DUNCAN I think you probably are,Maggie-but funny you mention
?bisexual?-Gavin informed me he was of that persuasion afew minutes after
we met.
MAGGIE Do you think that was his real name then?Was he about to get married
too?
DUNCAN OK,no need for sarcasm.I feel bad enough already.We did not talk
very much,seeing as neither of us was just out for a chat..
MAGGIE Quite!
DUNCAN He just told me he was unattached,that he had had a brief experience
in a public toilet several years ago which he now considered to be rather
sordid but that he was just unable to forget the thrill of it all.He said
he was surfing the ?net? one evening and came across Gaydar and was kind of
pulled in.
MAGGIE Right-so did you satisfy his cravings then.Hell,that sounds bad!I
assume from your guilty look that you both achieved what you were looking
for.
DUNCAN I hate to say this this,Maggie and not wishing to offend your
sensibilities but he was red hot!He could not keep his hands off me and
although he was obviously inexperienced he even wanted to try anal
and..boy,did he come or did he come?!
MAGGIE OK,that is more than enough information!Did you see him again after
your ?glorious night of passion??
DUNCAN At the time I made it very clear to him-or so I thought-that it was
to be a ?one-off? but daft as I am I had already given him my mobile number
and he rang me the next day.We met up again several times when he was in
Edinburgh,always in hotels.God,he was insatiable.I have always regarded
myself as having alot of stamina but for a man in his fifties he could
certainly beat me every time!
MAGGIE He didn?t,did he?
DUNCAN What?
MAGGIE Beat you?
DUNCAN Good God,no!I might be cheap but I am not into all that
sado-masochistic stuff.No,we just had good old fashioned gay sex which was
fantastic at the time-but Maggie,I felt so bad afterwards!At home Grant was
being so sweet,apologising for getting angry with me even though it was
ninety per cent my fault,anyway.I was scared that he would smell him on me
even though I was always careful to shower afterwards.I just had to tell
Gavin it was over.
MAGGIE And how did the ?stud? take it?
DUNCAN I never realised you could be sosarcastic,Maggie.I have really
disgusted you,haven?t I?
MAGGIE Like I said before I am in a state of shock.I presume you have never
told Grant about this?
DUNCAN Gavin took my news surprisingly well.He said he just regarded me as
a sex object and he was sure that he would find some other young man to
satisfy his needs!
MAGGIE Nice.
DUNCAN Grant doesn?t know but the guilt is eating me up.How the hell can I
stand side by side with him next week in front of the registrar,knowing
that but afew weeks before I was allowing another man to take advantage of
me?
MAGGIE Advantage of you?I did not realise how weak you were before now.You
must tell Grant tomorrow.Anyone can tell how besotted he is with you-not
that you deserve him-but maybe if you play it carefully he might forgive
you.He always seemed a very generous man to me.Promise me you will tell
him!God,if I even suspected that Andrew was ever playing around with
another woman- or a man- I would be devastated.He might not be the most
attentive of husbands-but he is mine!
DUNCAN(close to tears) Thank-you for listening,Maggie and yes,I will sit
him down tomorrow after work and confess my guilty secret.It will be one
hell of a weight off my mind,I can tell you.I have been such a fool to risk
everything just because I could not keep my fly zipped up.Next time I shall
take your advice and buy one of those top shelf magazines instead!
MAGGIE OK.Look, I am sorry if I was too harsh with you.It certainly has
been a night of confessions,as it not?Let?s sit and eat-if that casserole
is not completely ruined.Relationships are so damn difficult at times but I
suppose life would be alot duller without them!
Maggie goes over to the oven and carries their supper to the breakfast
bar.They both settle down to their meal.
Good luck with tomorrow,Duncan.I am sure everything will be fine in the
end.
DUNCAN(raising his glass) To Love and Friendship-and future Nipple Licking!
MAGGIE God,you are awlful,Duncan!
Lights fade out.
ACT TWO SCENE ONE
Setting as Act One Scene One.Mid-evening.Duncan and Grant are having a
blazing row,facing each other across their lounge.
GRANT(shouting) What the hell were you thinking of?You were the one
accusing me of infidelity so I suppose you decided to take your revenge by
sleeping with someone else,did you?
DUNCAN(in a low voice) No,it was not like that.I just got jealous.You were
spending so much time at the hospital,I was sat here on my own imagining
all kinds of things and then you refused to let me into the bedroom.
GRANT(sarcastically) Poor old Duncan!There I was working all
hours,sometimes twenty out of twenty-four to bring home enough money to pay
for this oh,so expensive house-which you insisted we bought-and..you had
the audacity to suggest that I was having an affair!How exactly could I fit
all that in between ward rounds,operating on all those patients and
teaching-may I say at times-rather daft students?
DUNCAN I know and I am so sorry- but you are so damn goodlooking,there are
all those young men hanging onto your every word -you would have be mad not
to fall for their charms!
GRANT ?Hanging onto my every word??God,I hope they were-I am a consultant
at a teaching hospital-they are supposed to listen and take notice of me or
otherwise what would be the point?
DUNCAN I just got jealous!
GRANT But why?What is to say that ?those young men?were interested in
me,anyway?I am ten years older than most of them and I am sure that very
few are actually gay.I think you must be confusing medical students with
male nurses.
DUNCAN So,you fancied one or two members of the nursing staff,did you?
GRANT(shouting)NO!I love you so what the hell would I be doing ogling
them,even if I did have the time.I know we had a blazing row but despite
all your explanations at the time I failed to understand even then your
deep sense of insecurity.I would almost say that you have an inferiority
complex!
DUNCAN(meekly) Maybe I have.I don?t know.Perhaps I just cannot really
believe or understand why you fell in love with me in the first place.I am
not exactly a premium catch,am I?
GRANT To be honest,after your revelations this evening I am beginning to
wonder why I did.Ok,so we had had a row and were not sleeping together but
I am sure all couples,gay and straight have arguments.Why,oh why did you
feel the need to go off and have sex with someone else?Despite your
suspicions,I managed to keep my fly zipped up so why couldn?t you?I would
have thought that considering how close we were to breaking up the last
thing on your mind would have been getting your end away.I could not even
get an erection during that week.We were barely communicating!
DUNCAN I feel really bad,Grant but I suppose we all deal with things in
different ways.I do love you,you know.It was only sex after all.
GRANT Only sex?We are supposed to be getting married next week-and we have
been living together for two years.Does that not mean anything to you?
DUNCAN Of course,it does.I so want to spend the rest of my life with you.
GRANT Well,you have a funny way of showing it.OK,let us start from the
beginning.Just explain to me slowly-it has been a long day-why you imagined
that I was having an affair in the first place.
They both sit down on the sofa.
DUNCAN Well,like I said before all those young men at work...
GRANT That does not make any sense.I explained to you months ago that the
love and affection that I have for you completely obliterates and almost
makes a mockery of any feelings that I have had for other men in the
past.You know that I have never made a fuss about my sexuality.To me being
gay is no different to Peter next door,for example being straight.Only my
close work colleagues know I have a boyfriend,not because,I hasten to
add-before you interrupt-because I am embarrassed or ashamed-but it is just
none of their business.Do you understand what I am saying?
DUNCAN Well,yes but you have such a high sex drive that I am always worried
that I am not enough for you-and look at me-you a successful consultant and
me,just a lowly editor of a small niche publishing company.Why wouldn?t you
want more?
GRANT God,you do have an inferiority complex.I entered into a relationship
with you voluntarily,didn?t I?You or anyone else for that matter did not
force my hand.I saw you in that bar after the show and felt a nervous
excitement.
DUNCAN Did you fancy me-even then?
GRANT Of course,I did.Otherwise why would I have given you my telephone
number?(Becoming agitated)Look,I have had enough of this.What ever it was
we dated,didn?t we and declared our love for each other?
Duncan nods.
So,did you never believe that I loved you?
DUNCAN I believed that you loved me but just that I was not enough for you.
GRANT So,you could not trust me to stay faithful to you then?
DUNCAN I don?t know,Grant.I am in such a mess!
GRANT To the extent that you had to go and have sex with another man-or was
it MEN?
DUNCAN It was just Gavin.I did not sleep with anyone else.
GRANT(sarcastically) Oh,well that?s all right then.
DUNCAN Like I said before,I am so sorry.I just don?t know what came over
me.
GRANT I think what it all boils down to is that you and I regard sex
completely differently.
DUNCAN What do you mean?
GRANT Well,you seem or seemed so concerned that due to my so-called ?high
sex drive',although I do not consider myself to be anymore rampant than the
next guy you feel inadequate and convinced,despite my protestations of
love,offer of marriage and argreeing to buy this house with you that I will
be off with the next attractive man that comes along.Is that right?
DUNCAN I suppose so.
GRANT I have always thought of sex as simply an expression of love for the
other person where as you seem to look upon the activity as some sort of
sport or hobby.
DUNCAN May be.
GRANT You are not being very forthcoming in your answers,Duncan.How the
hell are we going to sort all this sorry mess out if you won?t open up?
DUNCAN I?m sorry.
GRANT(becoming frustrated and angry) What I don?t get is why you carried on
seeing this man.Once might just be almost understandable but you had sex
with him,how many times?
DUNCAN Please stop shouting.I saw him perhaps half a dozen times.It was
meant to be a ?one-off? but he kept ringing me.
GRANT And you just kept running to him,I suppose.Hell,thinking about it,you
and I were sleeping together again by that stage so..you were having us
both at the same time.You should have suggested he came over to the house
and then you would not have had to change beds!We could have taken turns to
slip our members up your posterior-or did he let you take him?
DUNCAN Please don?t be like this.I appreciate that you are angry but you
are like a different person.It is not like you to be so crude!
GRANT ?Don?t be like this??How exactly did you expect me to react?I get
accused of having an affair months ago-I felt like I was about to lose the
man I love.I tried to take on board your insecurities and reassure you that
you are-and always will be-the only person that I need in my life.Fool as I
am,I think that all that unpleasantness is behind us and allow myself to
imagine that we will spend the rest of our lives together.Despite us
previously cancelling our engagment,I ask you to marry me again,we plan the
ceremony and..then you come out with your ?guilty secret? tonight.Did you
think I would just say,?That?s OK,darling?,let?s just forget that my fiance
has had sex on numerous occasions with another man.
(shouting)How did you think I would react?
DUNCAN(sobbing)I am so sorry,I am so sorry.
GRANT If I hear those pathetic words again,I shall walk out.Do you realise
that you have broken my heart?You might as well have used one of my
scalpels and cut it out of my chest,sliced it into dozens of pieces and fed
it to that stupid cat of yours!
DUNCAN(now on his knees with his head in his arms on the sofa) I am sorry,I
am sorry..
Grant walks out.Duncan looks up and watches him leave the room.
The front door is heard to be opened and slammed shut again.Duncan slips
onto the floor and only his jagged breaths can be heard.
Oliver until now out of sight approaches his prone figure warily.Duncan
looks up at him and takes him into his arms.Oliver purrs contently as
Duncan?s sobs grow louder.
Lights fade to black.
ACT TWO SCENE TWO
Two days later-late morning.Door to left of stage.
The lounge of Steve's flat in which Grant has been staying in since he left
Duncan.A bed has been made up on the sofa.The room is in a mess with an
empty bottle of wine and the remnants of an Indian take-away strewn on the
floor.
Grant is pacing around the room,nervously and repeatedly checking his
watch.
There is a knock at the door.
Grant opens it forcefully but quickly moves back into the room.
Duncan enters and rushes to him but he backs away.
DUNCAN(close to tears) Please Grant,don't!You did argree to see me when I
rang earlier.We really need to sort out this terrible mess.
GRANT(angry) ..Of your making!And you're late.You said you would be here at
10.00.
DUNCAN I know but work insisted I drop in for a couple of hours when I
called them first thing.I am so sorry!
GRANT Oh,for God's sake don't start all that apologising again.I had
another of that at the week-end.You are the one who wants to talk.Have you
something new to say in your defence?
DUNCAN Well,not as such..
GRANT So,why did you almost beg me on the 'phone to come over here this
morning?Did you think that I would have forgotten all about your sordid
little affair in just two days?
DUNCAN Hardly!It is not something either of us are ever likely to be able
to erase from our memories.I just wanted to see you again-and to ask for
your forgiveness.
GRANT And why would I give you that?
DUNCAN Because you love me and what we have between us is too good just to
be thrown away.
GRANT Well,to be honest Duncan I am not sure if I do love you anymore.You
don't trust me around other men-even if they are straight-and you seem
happy to slip into bed with any man who is prepared to listen to your sob
stories!
DUNCAN Now you are exaggerating.I only slept with one man which I now
deeply regret.If I could turn back the clock..
GRANT Come on,don't give me that old cliche.'One man' is one more than
me,not as you would believe that!
DUNCAN(walking over to the sofa) Look,love why don't we sit down and talk
about this properly.I have done alot of navel gazing since you left...
GRANT(perching on the end of the sofa) Go on.
DUNCAN(clearing a space and sitting down at the far end ) OK.You have made
it very clear that you don't wish me to keep apologising so I shall try my
best to not say 'sorry'-but despite what you said earlier I do believe that
you still love me and like myself would rather that we put all this sorry
mess behind us than split up.
GRANT And what has given you that idea?
DUNCAN Well,for starters- look at this place!At home you are always so
meticulous.I am the untidy one.You haven't shaved-or washed(sniffing in
Grant's direction)-and by the state of this floor I am taking an educated
guess that you have been consuming rather more than your usual daily glass
of wine!
GRANT I'm in a mess,I cannot deny that.Steve had to go away on family
business this week so I have been here on my own just thinking about
things.I just could not make any sense out of it all- so starting on
Steve's drink supply seemed as good a plan as any.
DUNCAN Why didn't you ring me-at work or home?I have tried to call you
several times but the 'phone just rang out.Now that I know Steve was
away-and seeing what a state you are in,that makes sense.
GRANT You broke my heart,Duncan when you dropped your bombshell on Sunday.I
was so shocked to find out that you had slept with another man.I thought
after that argument we had months back that we were solid but now..
DUNCAN We are solid,darling.I just had to tell you about Gavin.There was no
way I could stand with you in front of that registrar next Saturday with
all that guilt whirling around in my mind.I regretted what I did as soon as
I woke up the following morning in Gavin's bed.
GRANT And yet,you saw him again several times after that.That is what I
don't understand.Like I said at home,once just might be excusable but to
then carry on seeing him.I just cannot get my head around that!
DUNCAN Neither can I!I suppose I felt pressurised.Gavin was so needy-he
kept ringing and almost begged me to meet up with him.
GRANT(sarcastically) You'll be saying next that you did it for medicinal
purposes,like a kind of therapy!
DUNCAN Please don't be like that.I was under some sort of
illusion,anyway.When I did eventually tell him that it was over he didn't
seem to give a damn.He said that he just regarded me as a 'sex object' and
that he would soon find another 'young man to satisfy his needs'!
GRANT And you risked everything for that?In a way,I could understand it if
you had fallen for him-or vice versa-but it sounds like he just used you!
DUNCAN Or maybe I used him!I don't know.Like you said before,I tend to
regard-or should I say,regarded-sex as a hobby.I understand now why me
stating that it was 'just sex' on Sunday did not exactly help my case.I
guess my past has been rather more sordid than yours-not as that is much of
an excuse,I know.
GRANT And how do you regard it now?
DUNCAN As an expression of love!That was one of the many things I have been
pondering over since you left.I seriously believe now that even if-and God
hope this never happens-you had an accident and were laid up in hospital
for weeks on end I would never even go online and ogle the gay sites!
GRANT Well,I suppose that is some sort of improvement!I guess nobody could
dispute your commitment.Have you been talking to that friend of yours
again?
DUNCAN What makes you say that?
GRANT Well,you are coming out with stuff,albeit admirable that I have never
heard before.I would have no objection if you had.I always rather admired
Maggie-for putting up with that husband of hers-if nothing else!
DUNCAN I have never met Andrew but yes,it was Maggie who persuaded me to
tell you about Gavin.I had supper over at her place the day before I told
you,you know after the cat show?
GRANT Oh,yes.I do remember now.I must have drunk more of that wine than I
thought.What did she have to say about it all then?
DUNCAN She was as disgusted and shocked as you were.She could not
understand,anymore than you why I didn't just buy a top shelf magazine from
the corner shop and 'do my own thing',so to speak!
GRANT Quite!She's certainly got her head glued on the right way round.I did
not realise you two talked about such intimate matters!
DUNCAN I do find it easy to discuss subjects with her of a deeply personal
nature.I suppose it is a bit like a straight man having a best
mate,although obviously that person would be male and from the little I
know of the heterosexual world they don't talk about their feelings like
Maggie and I do.I think she prefers having a gay man as a best friend
rather than a woman.
GRANT What makes you say that?
DUNCAN Well,after I had blurted out my guilty secret..
GRANT I am glad you told me,by the way!Did Maggie have some confession of
her own to make then?
DUNCAN Kind of.It turns out that an ex-work colleague of hers has declared
her undying love!
GRANT No way!I have always assumed Maggie was strictly 'hetero'.
DUNCAN That is what I said to her when she told me.She has feelings for
this woman too but is in a bit of a quandry as to how to proceed.You
know,in regards to Andrew,let alone admitting to herself that she might be
just a tiny bit bisexual!
GRANT Quite!Anyway,enough of Maggie for now,although I guess I should be
thanking her,really.Without her intervention,albeit indirect you and I
would be calling it a day by now!
DUNCAN So,does that mean you are giving me another chance?
GRANT I guess it does.You have not been the only one 'navel gazing' over
the last couple of days.I do love you,Duncan,otherwise I would never have
argreed to you coming over here.The only time that I would have seen you
would have been to collect my belongings from the house.You do drive me
crazy sometimes-and please believe me that if I ever find out that you have
been unfaithful to me again then that will be it-but you also drive me wild
with desire.I can see why Gaven found you so irresistible!
DUNCAN(moving along the sofa towards Grant) Thank God for that!I really did
think that I had lost you.I do trust you implicitly.Even if all your work
colleagues were gay I know deep in my heart that you would never be tempted
to stray-and I in turn-will take Maggie's advice if for some reason in the
future you ban me from our bedroom again!
The two men stand and embrace each other warmly.Breaking away
slightly,Grant kisses Duncan on the lips.He responds and they tumble back
onto the sofa,tangled in each others arms.
GRANT I want you so badly!
Grant tugs Duncan's T-shirt over his head and throws it across the room.
Just for a second his mouth lingers over his left nipple and then he sucks
frantically on the nub,whilst simultaneously unzipping Duncan's fly and
bringing his semi-erect member out into the open.
DUNCAN(gasping) I know I drive you crazy but I have never seen you this
wild with desire before.Maybe we should fall out every week!
Grant has been gorging himself on Duncan's penis,sliding his lips up and
down its shaft at a furious pace.
He withdraws and starts sucking on his right nipple,just pausing...
GRANT I'm five years older than you,remember.I can't take another week like
this.
For God's sake,just keep your tackle squirreled away when I?m not
around,OK?
I can give you anything your perverted mind dreams up!
He kisses his way down Duncan?s body,encircling his navel with his tongue.
DUNCAN Oh,my darling.I solemnly promise to be true and constant,both in my
love and desires.
He grabs Grant and wrestles him onto the floor.
He releases his now throbbing penis and starts to suck it tenderly as Grant
feasts on his member-in the conventional ?sixty-nine? position.Grant
remains fully dressed but in the wrestle Duncan has shed the remainder of
his clothes.
Duncan is close to ejaculation.He pulls away from Grant?s crotch and wraps
his arms around the top of his legs.
Grant swallows the semen as it pumps into his mouth.
He turns his head towards Duncan,grinning.
GRANT Just saving the furniture!
Duncan grabs him and then hug each fiercely both on their knees.
DUNCAN What I am going to do with you?
GRANT Well,for starters or perhaps we are on the desert by now..I want to
give you another of those prostatic orgasms you could not stop raving about
last week.
DUNCAN And I thought it was me who had all the making up to do!
Funny you should manage that,though.I did do alittle more research and I
gather if I lie on my back-like this...
He scoots himself afew inches away from Grant,still completely naked,his
penis starting to wilt.Lying flat on his back,he lifts his legs over
towards his head,exposing his anus to Grant.He tugs at his penis afew times
and it returns to its erect state.
Now,come over here,big boy and..take me to Heaven!
Grant blushes and kneels by Duncan?s buttocks.He dribbles saliva onto his
anus and massages it.
He runs his hand up and down his own penis afew times and then drives it
firmly into Duncan?s rectum.
Oh,my God!
Grant?s testicles slap against his fiance?s buttocks as he plunges in and
out,building up an easy but furious pace.
Yes,yes,yes!You?ve done it again.Here I come!
Grant pulls out and shoots semen in a long stream over Duncan?s back..
They collapse together in a heap.
GRANT Be rest assured that our bed sheets will always bear the scorches of
our passions-long after we are married!
They embrace and kiss passionately.
DUNCAN Oh,darling,I do love you so very much!
Lights fade to darkness.
ACT THREE SCENE ONE
The day of the Civil Partnership Ceremony.
Door to the left of the stage.The Registrar's table is down centre stage
with five rows of chairs at upper centre stage.A pianist sits at his
instrument stage right.
The registrary office is full of people,chatting excitedly centre
stage.There is an air of expectation.
Maggie and Grant's sister Clare enter,having just acted as witnesses.They
walk over to Andrew and introductions are made.They then go to stand by the
table.Clare has the two rings in her handbag.
The Registrar enters the room and takes his position behind his table with
his back to the audience.
The pianist starts playing 'The Look of Love' as Grant and Duncan enter,
both wearing white suits.Duncan spots his ex-lover 'Gavin' among the
guests.He pales,realising his true identity.
They go and stand in front of the Registrar facing the audience.
REGISTRAR We welcome you here today on this very special occasion of deep
significance for Grant and Duncan.Today they will affirm their love and
publicly declare their commitment to each other.Please feel free to take
any photographs before the ceremony begins but then I ask you to refrain
from using your cameras and video recorders until after the proceedings
have finished.Also please wait until the happy couple have left the room
before throwing any confetti.Your co-operation in these matters is greatly
appreciated.
Duncan in a state of shock twists around to take a second glance at
Andrew,not quite believing that he has in fact slept with his best friend's
husband.
GRANT(whispering) What's the matter?
DUNCAN(addressing the Registrar) Excuse me,can we have afew minutes
please?There is something I need to mention to Grant!
REGISTRAR(indignant) Well,this is most out of order!I have another wedding
booked at twelve.You have two minutes.Use my office out the back!
Grant and Duncan exit.
MAGGIE(walks over to Andrew) Blimey,I wonder what all that was about!
ANDREW(looking uncomfortable) Maybe Duncan has had second thoughts.Gay men
can be very flighty!
MAGGIE That is a terribly homophobic thing to say!I have never known such a
committed couple as those two.
They divert their attentions back to Grant and Duncan as they re-enter the
room and Maggie hurries back to Clare's side.
DUNCAN(whispering to Grant) Thanks for being so understanding.I never
realised it was him!
GRANT(whispering back) It's OK.At least I know who 'Gavin' really is
now!Let's just get on with the ceremony before I change my mind.It is a
damn good job that I love you so much!
They go and stand back in front of the Registrar who has resumed his
original place.
REGISTRAR Are you two gentlemen quite ready now?
DUNCAN Yes,we are.Sorry about that.Please continue!
REGISTRAR Ladies and gentlemen,I thank you for your patience.
This place in which you are now met has been duly sanctioned according to
law for the registration of civil partnerships. You are here to witness the
formation of a civil partnership by Grant and Duncan.If any person present
knows of any impediment to this civil partnership, he should declare it
now.
Maggie glances across at Andrew but neither say anything.
Grant and Duncan have chosen to pledge themselves to each other by
committing to a legally binding contract. Their Partnership will enable the
love and respect that they have for each other to develop into a deep and
lasting relationship. We who are witnessing your civil partnership, hope
that despite the stresses inevitable in any life, your Love, trust and
understanding of each other will increase your contentment and heighten
your joy in living.
Grant and Duncan,may I now ask you in turn to make your chosen vows to each
other?
Grant and Duncan turn to face each other.They both pick up a copy of the
Order of Service from the table in front of them.
GRANT(reading) I,Grant David pledge to share my life openly with you,
Duncan Colin. I promise to cherish and tenderly care for you, to honour and
encourage you. l will respect you as an individual and be true to you
through good times and bad. To these things I give my word.
DUNCAN(reading) I,Duncan Colin choose you,Grant David above all others, to
share my life. I promise to honour this pledge as long as I live.
The Registrar turns to Clare.
REGISTRAR Do you have the rings please?
She gives them to him.
REGISTRAR The giving of a band signifies the promise of a love that is
everlasting and is a public affirmation that the contract between Grant and
Duncan will be honoured.
Grant and Duncan exchange rings,gazing into each others eyes.Maggie and
Clare smile at each other.
GRANT(reading) This ring is a token of my abiding love and a sign of the
promise I make to you today.
DUNCAN(reading) This ring is a token of my abiding love and a sign of the
promise I make to you today.
REGISTRAR Everyday you live, learn how to receive love with as much
understanding as you give it. Find things within yourself, then you can
share them with each other. Do not fear this love. Have an open heart and a
sincere mind. Be concerned with each other's happiness. Be constant and
consistent in your love. From this will come security and strength.
We now come to the signing of the schedule, which will bind Grant and
Duncan together in law.
GRANT(reading) I declare that I know of no legal reason why we may not
register as each other?s civil partner. I understand that on signing this
document we will be forming a civil partnership with each other.
DUNCAN(reading) I declare that I know of no legal reason why we may not
register as each other?s civil partner. I understand that on signing this
document we will be forming a civil partnership with each other.
REGISTRAR Grant and Duncan,would you please step forward to sign the Civil
Partnership Schedule and Register along with Maggie and Clare,your
witnesses.
They all sign the schedule and register on the table.The pianist plays
'Someone To Watch Over Me'.
Grant and Duncan,you are now Partners in law and it is with pleasure that I
present you with your Civil Partnership Certificate. Now that the ceremony
is over and the experience of living day by day as legal partners is about
to begin, go and meet it gladly.
You may now kiss.
Grant kisses Duncan warmly.Maggie and Clare have tears in their eyes.
Please join with Grant and Duncan as they celebrate their partnership.
The pianist plays 'Love Changes Everything' as Grant and Duncan turn to
leave the room.Duncan takes a backward glance at Andrew(unnoticed by Grant)
who blushes.The rest of the guests slowly follow.
Lights fade.
ACT THREE SCENE TWO
Later that day.
A lavishly decorated hotel reception room with a bar to the right of the
stage.
A saxophonist is playing '(Everything I Do)I Do It For You'at the back of
the stage.
There is a small dance floor next to the bar.
Door to stage left.
Grant and Duncan ,newly married are dancing on their own and are then
joined by two other couples.As the melody finishes they leave the floor and
move into the centre of the room.
The saxophonist starts to play another tune.Romantic melodies are played
throughout the scene.
Maggie and Andrew come to join them from the bar,both carrying drinks.
MAGGIE I reckon you two have been practising!Congratulations,by the
way!That was a lovely service,although I did wonder if it was actually
going to get off the ground at first!
DUNCAN Sorry about that!I hope you two enjoy this evening.The hotel has
promised us a night to remember!
MAGGIE I am sure we will but in all this excitement I am forgetting my
manners.Duncan,let me introduce you to my much -talked about but as yet-
unseen husband Andrew!I have been so looking forward to the two of you
meeting at last.
Duncan grabs Andrew's extended hand and shakes it nervously.
DUNCAN(ill at ease but doing his best to cover it up) Hello,Andrew!Maggie
is always talking about you.How is life treating you?
ANDREW Good to meet you at last,Duncan.I only got back from a trip 'down
south' last night so,do excuse me if I squeeze out the occasional yawn!
MAGGIE It's good to see you again,Grant.Is everything OK with the new
house?
GRANT It feels like that we have been staying there for years rather than
afew months.We really appreciated you sorting all the paperwork out-and of
course,finding us the property in the first place.You have been a true
friend to Duncan.He is lucky to have you!
MAGGIE Well,I don't know what I would have done all those long evenings
Andrew was away on business(glancing at her husband)without Duncan to
entertain me!
GRANT Away alot,was he?I am surprised he didn't get lonely too!
Andrew spots Steve at the far side of the room.
ANDREW(nervously) Will you folks excuse me a minute?I must just pop to the
gents!
He strides across the room,ignoring the other people in his path and grabs
Steve as he passes him.They both exit.
MAGGIE Blimey,he's in a hurry.Must be all that beer he's been drinking!
DUNCAN Come to mention it,I could do with paying a visit too.I won't be a
minute.It will give you two a chance to catch up.
He walks away from them but as he passes Grant mouths,
Please don't tell her!
Grant nods and turns back to Maggie.
Duncan lingers by the door and grabs hold of Andrew's shoulder as he
re-enters the room on his own.
DUNCAN(urgently in a low whisper) We need to talk!
Andrew pulls him into a corner and glances across the room at his wife who
is laughing at one of Grant's jokes.They are oblivious to anyone but
themselves.
ANDREW If I didn't know better I would say that your husband seems to be
chatting up my wife!
He takes a swig of beer from his glass which he took to the lavatory with
him.
DUNCAN This is not some sort of joke!Do you not realise what we've done?
ANDREW(sarcastically) It is good to see you again,Duncan as well!
DUNCAN(grabbing hold of Andrew's arm) You said your name was Gavin.If only
I'd known..
ANDREW Known what?You were so horny it would not have made any difference
even if you had known who I really was! And let go off my arm!People are
staring at us!
DUNCAN As if you'd care!If I had known that you were Maggie's husband I
would have never argreed to sleep with you.
ANDREW But you had no objections to playing around behind your fiance's
back?
DUNCAN It was a moment of madness and..
Hang on,I don't have to explain myself to you.You told me that you were
single.There was Maggie sat at home,missing you like hell-although now I
know who her 'beloved' hubby actually is I can't think why-whilst you were
trying out buggery behind her back!
ANDREW You lot can be so crude but yes,that was about it!
DUNCAN And Maggie has no idea?
ANDREW Not as far as I know,although to be honest I really don't give a
damn.I am rather fed up with the stupid little cow,well all women,really!
Maggie unseen by either Duncan or Andrew leaves Grant's side and walks
calmly out of the room.
DUNCAN God,you really are a nasty piece of work!You just used me when I was
at my lowest to experiment with your sexuality and now you are insulting my
oldest and dearest friend!Obviously,women don't do it for me sexually but
as a friend Maggie has been an absolute rock.
ANDREW She won't think so highly of you once she discovers you have been
introducing her husband to the delights of gay sex!Does your beloved Grant
know that he has been sharing your sexy little body with me?
He grabs a glass of champagne from a passing waiter.
DUNCAN I told him last weekend that I had an affair with a man called
Gavin,on the advice of your wife,actually!So,it looks like that you are the
only one with the big secret.I am sure that Maggie will be rather more
shocked when she finds out about her husband's persistent infidelity and
the fact that he is not the true blue heterosexual that she thought he was
than by me coming clean over my ex-lover's identity,considering that I had
no idea who you were,let alone that you were married!
ANDREW(slurring his words) You think you've got all your bases covered
then,do you?
Well,let's go and confess all to dear old Maggie!Come on!
He grabs hold of Duncan and drags him across the room despite the
protestations of the other guests but only Grant is standing there,chatting
to one of his work colleagues.
(Addressing Grant in a raised voice) Where's my dear wife then?
GRANT(excusing himself and turning to face Duncan and Andrew) Oh,hello you
two!We thought perhaps you had eloped together!Maggie?She went home five or
ten minutes ago.
ANDREW(almost lost for words) Why?What was the matter with her?Did you tell
her?
Grant winks at Duncan unseen by Andrew.Duncan smiles at him.
GRANT She was in a terrible state,almost in tears.I offered her a lift home
but she said nothing and stormed out.Didn't you see her go?
ANDREW Oh,God so you told her about Duncan and me?
DUNCAN(playing along) I don't see why you are so upset!You have just
dragged me half way across the room with you to spill the beans.Grant has
just done the job for you!
ANDREW What did you tell her then?Does she know everything?
GRANT Pretty much.Duncan told me about your sordid little affair afew days
ago.I thought Maggie,seeing as she's your wife had a right to know.She is
after all my husband's best friend!
ANDREW Oh,God how did she take it?She must have been devastated!
GRANT She was terribly upset.She thought I was joking at first but once she
realised that her beloved husband had not just been unfaithful to her but
that his lovers were all men,including her best friend..well,how do you
think you took it?
ANDREW I must go after her and explain everything.
(speaking directly to Duncan) I know what I said to you over
there(indicating the far corner of the room)but that was all bluster.I was
as shocked as you were when I realised you were Maggie's friend.I just
didn't put two and two together.
DUNCAN Well,you said to me when we split up that you had just regarded me
as a 'sex object' so I am not surprised that you paid little attention to
what my name was!
ANDREW(almost in tears) I really love Maggie.How could I have hurt her like
this?I must go after her!
GRANT Look,old thing you aren't in a fit state to go anywhere.Duncan and
myself are staying here overnight.Why don't you ask reception if they have
a room vacant so you can sober up abit?
ANDREW Perhaps that's a good idea.
He staggers off and exits.
GRANT(turning to Duncan) I never told her!She just had a headache and was
feeling tired.
DUNCAN I kind of guessed that.But the fact still remains that I slept with
her husband.She is not going to be best pleased with me,is she?And Andrew's
big secret will come out sooner or later.
GRANT Yes,but she already knows you had an affair and give you your due you
didn't know that Gavin was in fact Andrew.I suggested to Andrew that he
stays here tonight to give you time to pop over to Maggie's first thing and
fill her in on all the details.At least then you will have a chance to
salvage your friendship before she hears Andrew's side of the story-if he
does decide to tell her.It will be better for Maggie too if she hears the
news from you first-but just make sure that when Andrew does eventually go
home Maggie keeps quiet about your confession!
DUNCAN I think I get it!He goes home all in a fluster thinking she already
knows about his affair from you but obviously she doesn't-but in fact she
has found out from me!What if he decides not to tell her after all?
GRANT That's what I am banking on!Andrew knows that Maggie would never
accept him being attracted to other men.She just couldn't cope with him
being bisexual.You told me that yourself.I reckon once he realises that she
just went home with a headache and assumes that she has no idea about his
affair he will keep quiet.Arrogant as he is,he will assume that he has got
away with it.
DUNCAN Blimey,you do have it all worked out!Then what?Maggie will know the
truth.I am not sure that she does love Andrew enough to just carry on with
her marriage as if nothing has happened.What if she confronts him with the
knowledge of his affair that she has found out from me?Perhaps I should
keep quiet too,then maybe they could go on as before?
GRANT No,Maggie has a right to know that her husband is bisexual.There are
too many so-called straight men out there playing around behind their
wives' backs.Just because it is with another man rather than a woman does
not make it any less adulterous.Hell,I am sounding like an old married man
already!
DUNCAN You certainly are!OK,you make sure you keep Andrew here tomorrow
long enough for me to go over to Maggie's.Although Andrew will assume he
has got away with it-or perhaps he will just never really know- I think he
really does care for her and once he sobers up the guilt of knowing that he
has destroyed his marriage let alone the woman he loves will teach him a
well deserved lesson.
Thinking back to what Maggie was telling me the other day,her love for him
has been seeping away for months.From what I could gather,they very rarely
sleep together nowadays..
GRANT Well,I suppose if Andrew prefers his bedmates to be of the hairy
variety,that would make sense!
DUNCAN -and her feelings for Caroline...
GRANT That's that ex-work colleague of hers,isn't it?The one who confessed
her dying love?
DUNCAN Yes,that's right.I can quite see the scenario:they both pretend that
nothing is wrong but in fact Andrew devises more trips away from home,all
consumed by guilt but unable to stop himself from sleeping with other
men-you know what bi guys are like-whilst Maggie and Caroline get down and
dirty at home.In the end,it is Maggie who decides to leave Andrew because
she now has a new love in her life.
GRANT Exactly!I think we would all argree that Andrew deserves to be taught
a sharp lesson.Maybe once him and Maggie have eventually split up he will
find himself a new love.Now whether that would be a man or a very
understanding woman,we will just have to wait and see!
DUNCAN(looking around him) Our guests will be wondering what we have been
talking about all this time.I hope they don't think we are being rude!
GRANT I am sure they appreciate that us newly weds just can't get enough of
each other!We had better go and circulate,though.Just think in an hour or
two,we will be consummating our marriage at last,scorching those long
awaited for bedsheets!
They walk hand-in-hand amongst their guests, smiling at each other.
Lights fade.
ACT FOUR SCENE ONE
Set as Act One Scene Three in Maggie and Andrew's kitchen one week later.
Early morning.Maggie and Caroline are sat across from each other both just
wearing dressing gowns at the breakfast bar.
There is a small sofa by the door to the left of the stage.
There are two empty plates and a large teapot set between the two of them.
A dozen red roses are arranged in a vase at the far end.
MAGGIE(laughing) Well,I would never have imagined a month ago that I'd be
sat here with you, having just enjoyed a delicious breakfast.I was lucky to
have found someone who is almost as good a cook as I am!
CAROLINE Cheeky-but it is good to be appreciated.After all those lonely
mornings of getting up on my own it is so wonderful to just be here with
you.
Maggie rises from her stool and walks around to Caroline,standing behind
her.She puts her arms around her and turns her round,taking her by the
hand.She leads her towards a small sofa situated at the far end of the
kitchen.
Where are you taking me?
MAGGIE You'll see!Just come with me.
Maggie pulls Caroline onto the sofa with her and kisses her
passionately.Caroline responds and after a minute or two they break
apart,gazing into each others'eyes.
CAROLINE Wow!What a way to start one's day.I would have thought that our
love making last night would have kept you going for a wee while!
MAGGIE Surely you're not complaining,darling!You have awoken something
deeply buried inside me which just cannot be sated.When we're not together
physically I just can't stop thinking about you.It is a good job that I am
not a man,otherwise being at work would just be a series of embarrassing
moments!
CAROLINE Blimey!And there was me a couple of months ago worried sick about
telling you how much I loved you,scared that I would destroy our
friendship!
MAGGIE Thank God you did or I would never have discovered the delights of
lesbian sex!Or maybe it's just your talents that drive me so wild!
CAROLINE(taking Maggie in her arms) Well,I am not exactly experienced,am
I?As you already know,apart from yourself,I have only ever slept with one
woman before-and that wasn't particularly satisfying.
MAGGIE I do remember you telling me that you never had an orgasm with
her. You certainly don't seem to have any problems in that department with
me.Watching you 'come' is an entertainment in itself!
They part and settle back on the sofa.Maggie puts her arm around Caroline's
shoulder and she cuddles in close.
CAROLINE I shall take that as a compliment.It is funny how things have
worked out.When we first met it was not a physical attraction..
MAGGIE(teasingly) So,you didn't much like the look of me,then?
CAROLINE You know I don't mean that!Like I have said to you before I would
describe myself as being emotionally bisexual which basically means that I
fell in love with your personality before starting to think about you in a
sexual way.To find someone with a similar sense of humour to my own was
quite amazing for starters!No-one could accuse either of us as looking at
the world in a conventional manner!
MAGGIE That's true!So,I suppose me holding back physically was a good
thing,really after all.I am sorry it took so long for me to let go but I
felt so guilty about Andrew.I guess I too knew that deep down you and I
would eventually consummate our relationship.
CAROLINE Well,that discussion that you had with Duncan must have
helped.Have you heard anything from him since he told you about his affair
with Andrew?
MAGGIE Only the odd 'phone call.I think he was just so embarrassed about it
all.Of course,I already knew that he had been unfaithful to Grant but I had
no idea who is his lover really was!He swears that he didn't know either.It
was finding out that my dear husband was bisexual that was the real shock!
CAROLINE And Andrew has still not come clean?
MAGGIE No.It's all a bit strange,really.Duncan told about me the game that
they played with Andrew after I had left the hotel,making out that Grant
had told me about the affair but I gather in fact he didn't say
anything.Andrew was in one hell of a mess from what I can ascertain.I
almost said something to him when he came home after Duncan had left but I
just couldn't face it.I was in too much of a shock,I suppose!
CAROLINE(grasping Maggie's hand) It must have been awlful finding out.How
do you feel about it all now?
MAGGIE I'm not sure,really.We've been married a long time and I do love him
but he had become so distant even when he was here.
CAROLINE Do you reckon he is still sleeping with other men?
MAGGIE I don't know about that either!He told Duncan when they split up
that he just regarded him as a 'sex object' and that he would no doubt find
some other man to satisfy his needs-but whether he ever did,I don't
know.Duncan reckons that it is pretty likely.I gather he couldn't get
enough of him on the few occasions they met.
CAROLINE Like you with me then!Would you leave him now that you and I have
started sleeping together?
MAGGIE Please,Caroline no more questions!I do love you and you are
fantastic in bed-but it's all such a mess!
CAROLINE I'm so sorry,darling.I didn't mean to upset you.Come here!
They embrace and Caroline kisses her passionately.She rolls her back onto
the sofa and opens Maggie's dressing gown to expose her breasts.Caroline
lowers her head and gently starts to suck Maggie's nipples.
MAGGIE I'm sorry too.(Gasping) Let's forget all about those godforsaken men
for the moment!
She raises her head to return Caroline's kiss.
I really don't know why you put up with me sometimes.
I am such a hopeless case!
CAROLINE(laughing) That may be-but at least you are now my 'hopeless case'.
I have always known that my patience and perseverance would pay off
eventually.
I have waited a lifetime to find someone who I can love and care for as I
do you and...
now-you are finally all mine!
MAGGIE What can I say?
I must admit that at first I found our relationship so stressful-you being
so in love with me and me being married.I felt so guilty not being able to
commit fully to you and-as for Andrew...
CAROLINE(taking Maggie into her arms once more) I know.I guess I cut you
more slack than I have ever done for anyone else-but then I have never
loved someone like I do you.
I would lay down my life for you-if that occasion ever arose.
MAGGIE Oh,Caroline!
She kisses Caroline with a great urgency,exploring her mouth with her
tongue.
Caroline loosens the cord of Maggie's dressing gown and parts the material
to reveal her lower body as well.
She caresses her skin and lets her hands wander downwards.
Maggie swings up legs up onto the sofa so she is stretched out along its
length.
Caroline,kneeling places kisses from her breasts down to her pubic hair.
Darling,show me again just how much you do love me.
Why did I wait so long for this?
Caroline places her tongue on Maggie?s clitoris and flicks it gently.
She traces the first few letters of the alphabet onto it and then licks
from her vaginal entrance back up towards her clitoris.
Maggie groans.
Caroline gently inserts a finger into Maggie's vagina and gazes lovingly at
her girlfriend.
CAROLINE I am not hurting you am I,darling?
Maggie?s eyes are half closed.
MAGGIE(with a slurred voice) God,that feels good.
I am not 100% sure about asking you this-but... will you take me properly?
You know-like a man would?
CAROLINE(in mock horror) You mean with that strap-on thing that you were so
horrified with?
Maggie nods.
Well,I think it is still in my suitcase.It got left in there from last
time-but..are you sure?
I have only ever used it once and that was years ago.
MAGGIE(heavy with emotion) Just get it-and don?t do your usual dithering!
Caroline stands up and walks out of the door to their bedroom.
Maggie covers herself up with her dressing gown and closes her eyes.
Pause.
Caroline enters holding the strap-on gingerly in both hands.
CAROLINE(whispering) Just give me a minute or two.
I can?t quite remember how this thing goes.
She slips off her dressing gown and places it on the breakfast bar.She
wraps the thing around her, securing the buckles.
The black member is jutting out from her in an obscene fashion.
Reaching into the pocket of the gown she takes out a small tube of
lubrication and squeezes alittle into her right hand.
She massages the cream along the shaft of the strap-on.
Maggie looks over at her and laughs.
MAGGIE By God,you look like Andrew having a wank!
CAROLINE(self consciously) Well,I am not sure how to take that,all things
considering!
I feel a bit daft-if the truth be told.
MAGGIE Just come over here-and make me all yours!
Caroline gingerly walks over to the sofa and pulls Maggie onto the floor.
Taking control,she maneouvres her onto her back and parts her dressing
gown.
She grabs a cushion from the sofa and places beneath Maggie?s hips.
I shall not forget this day in a hurry!
Make love to me,darling.
Caroline,now fully focused draws up Maggie?s knees and positions herself so
that the tip of the phallus is resting against the entrance to Maggie?s
vagina.
She takes a deep breath and pushes the phallus gently in,looking up towards
Maggie whose eyes are half closed again.
Feeling more confident,Caroline pushes herself fully in.
Maggie moans.
Oh,my God!That feels fantastic.
Take me to Paradise!
Caroline starts to build up a rhythm and grins,using her arms to support
herself over Maggie?s body,their crotches thrusting together.
CAROLINE Bloody hell,so this is what it feels like to be a man.
Shame I can?t come,though!
MAGGIE(gasping) Well,may be you can?t but here?s mine!
Her vaginal muscles grip the phallus and her body spasms.
She reaches up for Caroline and holds her tightly,the phallus still buried
deeply inside her.
Well,you could put Andrew to shame any day!
CAROLINE(rolling away and quickly unstrapping the phallus,throws it behind
the sofa) I don?t think that is much of a compliment-but I sure did enjoy
that!
She stands up and offers her hand to Maggie.
They both snuggle back up on the sofa and secure their dressing gowns.
Now how about you suck my nipples and have a little fondle down below so I
can come too?
MAGGIE(laughing) I reckon I could manage that-after that wonderful orgasm
that you have just given me!
She parts Caroline?s gown, lowers her head and starts to suck her nipples.
She is about to slip her hand through the folds of material into her
crotch...
Pause
The door is opened and Andrew walks into the room carrying a large bouquet
of flowers.
ANDREW Hello,darling!I'm home.
He sees Caroline and Maggie making love on the sofa.
Oh,my God!What the hell is going on here?
The two women break apart and hurriedly straighten their clothing.They look
shocked and flustered.
MAGGIE(stuttering) Andrew!I thought you were back home later.
ANDREW(sarcastically) Obviously!I can't believe what I'm seeing.
He points his finger accusingly at Caroline
My wife was...sucking your nipples!!How the hell do you explain away that
one?It is not the usual service offered to a sales rep!
CAROLINE(indignantly) I am a mortgage broker actually,not a sales rep!
ANDREW Will you shut up?I am speaking to my wife!
MAGGIE Perhaps you had better go,Caroline.It is not going to help you being
here!
CAROLINE No way!I am not going anywhere.I am not leaving you with him!
She stands up and faces Andrew.
Now, what exactly is your problem?
ANDREW(sarcastically) My problem?I come home and find you two making out on
the sofa!I didn't even realise that you saw each other anymore,let alone
that you were so intimate!
Maggie sits in stunned silence looking at each person in turn as they
speak.
CAROLINE We only started sleeping together this week..
ANDREW(sarcastically) Oh,well that's alright then!
CAROLINE -since Maggie found out about your infidelities!
ANDREW(stuttering) I don't know what you are on about!
Maggie comes out of her stupor.
MAGGIE Thought you had got away with that one,did you?
She stands up and walks over to the breakfast bar,leaning against it.She
indicates to Caroline to sit back down on the sofa which she reluctantly
does.
ANDREW I don't have the slightest idea what you are going on about.All I do
know is that I have just got home after a very hectic few days away..
CAROLINE(under her breath) I bet they were!
ANDREW(facing Caroline) What did you say?
CAROLINE(innocently) Nothing!
ANDREW(turning to face his wife) As I was saying before I was rudely
interrupted,I got home and found you in the arms of..that hussy!
He points at Caroline.
Maggie straightens up and walks towards her husband.
MAGGIE Duncan came round last Sunday before you managed to find your way
home and told me everything!
ANDREW And what did he tell you exactly?
MAGGIE He told me that you two had slept together-but that he didn't know
who you were.He had no idea that you were my husband.Are you saying that he
was lying?
ANDREW Yes,I am.That poof would tell you anything to stir things up between
us!
MAGGIE And,why would he do that?
ANDREW Because he's jealous!
MAGGIE Of what?He's gay.I have known Duncan for years.I believe what he
told me.
Caroline rises from the sofa and goes over to Andrew.Maggie sits down at
the breakfast bar.
CAROLINE Come on,Andrew,admit it!You wanted to try it out with a man!There
is nothing wrong with being bisexual!
ANDREW(sarcastically) Like you,you mean?You'll be suggesting next that I
join you in some sort of club!
CAROLINE I am proud of my sexuality.Why can't you admit what you really
are?
ANDREW(becoming emotional) OK,I admit it!I was curious-I had a look at afew
gay sites online and arranged to meet up with Duncan.
Maggie gasps.
CAROLINE Finally!
Andrew starts to cry.He goes over to the sofa and collapses onto it.
Why the hell are you crying?
ANDREW Because it was a moment of weakness.Because I love my wife and I
can't bear the thought of having been unfaithful to her!Isn't that enough?
And,oh yes,because I have just found her having sex with a woman!
CAROLINE God,give me strength!Duncan told Maggie that you two had had sex
several times-and no doubt you've been with other men since him-so how the
devil can that just be 'a moment of weakness'?
ANDREW(sobbing) Duncan's lying.I only slept with him once-and there has
been nobody since.I love Maggie.I won't hurt her for the world!
Caroline goes over to the sofa.
CAROLINE Well,I've got news for you,sunshine.She doesn't love you.I have
been here every night this week since you left for London on Tuesday..and I
haven't been sleeping in the spare room!Maggie is too good for
you,regardless of how many men you have-or have not-slept with.I love her
more than you do and...she has just told me that I am a damn better lover
than you will ever be!
Maggie is once again staring at the two of them,uncertain where her
loyalties lie.
Andrew goes over to his wife and drops onto his kneees,wrapping his arms
around her legs.
ANDREW Please,Maggie,tell her you still love me!Tell me that Caroline was
just a moment of weakness for you too.
Maggie glances across at Caroline and finds strength from her encouraging
look.
MAGGIE(calmly) Get up,Andrew!Caroline is right.I do still love you but I
love her more.Over the last few months she has made me feel appreciated and
special,something which you have failed to do for a long time.Even when you
are at home you are distant and half the time make up some excuse why you
won't sleep with me.I always thought that it was us women who came up with
the phoney excuses.I was beginning to suspect that you had developed a
brain tumour from all the headaches that you claimed to be suffering from!
Andrew lets go of Maggie's legs and goes to sit across from her at the
breakfast bar. Caroline looks on,bemused.
ANDREW I am so sorry,Maggie.I admit that I was confused but I can't live
without you!I love you so much.Can we not try again to make this work?We
have been married for fifteen years!
CAROLINE One would get less for murder!Come on,Maggie let's go.We'll come
back in a couple of days and pick up your stuff or..better still we'll come
back and change the locks so,snivelling git here can't get back in!
She goes over to Maggie and stretches out her hand.
MAGGIE(wavering) I'm still not sure,Caroline.What if he is telling the
truth?
Are you one hundred per cent sure that this is what you really want?To be
with me,I mean!
Andrew watches them nervously.Caroline takes Maggie's hands,gazing into her
eyes.
CAROLINE Darling,I fell in love with you months ago.You are the centre of
my universe and when you are free from this slimeball it will be me on my
knees in front of you,not begging for your forgiveness but asking you to
marry me!Without you my life would not be worth living.Come with me now and
let me show you the 'Paradise' that you have already shown me.
MAGGIE I remember that line from my birthday!I do love you,sweetheart.Let's
go now before my guilt and misgivings kick in again!
She turns to face her husband who is openly sobbing.
I am so sorry,Andrew!
They exit.
Andrew watches them go.
Lights fade.
ACT FOUR SCENE TWO
As Act Two Scene Two.Steve's flat.The following day-lunchtime.
The room is tidy .
There are two glasses of beer on the table.
Steve is pacing around the room,obviously on edge.
A loud rap at the door followed by the sound of a key being turned in the
lock.
Andrew bursts in.
ANDREW(jubliantly) I've done it!She's left me!
STEVE(relieved) Thank God,you're here.I was beginning to worry.
The two men embrace and kiss passionately.
Come and sit down.Did it all go to plan?
They sit together on the sofa.
ANDREW Wow,you've even poured me a drink in anticipation!Yes,it went like a
dream.
STEVE Do tell!
ANDREW Well,like you predicted that Caroline woman had stayed the night-and
as usual my timing was impeccable-they were actually 'at it' as I walked in
the door!
STEVE No!They must have been shocked rigid to see you standing there!
ANDREW Well,once that woman had tore her eyes away from my wife's tits long
enough!Thank God Grant confides in you..
STEVE Well,what with us working together so much at the hospital..It still
amazes me what we doctors talk about during an operation!
ANDREW I can quite imagine you standing there administering the anaesthetic
whilst Grant,deftly slicing into the patient reveals the family secrets!
STEVE I think you have been watching too many of those hospital dramas but
that was basically it.We were just talking about his recent civil
partnership ceremony and he mentioned that it almost never happened.I
probed him..
ANDREW You are a particular expert in that field,lover!
STEVE Indeed!Eventually,he told me that Maggie had confessed over the
telephone to Duncan that Caroline had been spending the night at your
place.I still don't quite understand why you could not have just left your
wife without all these shenigans.
ANDREW Because the bitch needed to be taught a lesson!She thought she was
being so clever.Grant might not have told her at the wedding about my
affair but Duncan certainly spilled the beans.I suppose she thought that by
keeping quiet about it our life would go on much as before,not as that was
any great shakes!It feels so good knowing that she has been in a state of
torment all week,never really knowing if Duncan was a one-off or whether I
was still actively seeking out other men.I suspected that she and Caroline
were getting too close for comfort-and when you confirmed those
suspicions,well it seemed too good an opportunity to miss.
I bet dear old Maggie is feeling really guilty.Even if I say so myself,my
performance yesterday was worthy of an Oscar!
STEVE How did it all end then?
ANDREW Well,I made out that I had only slept with Duncan once and had never
looked at another man since.I wept so many tears that I thought I was going
to have to restock up on the onions!Man,was I good!
STEVE I am so glad that I am your friend rather than an enemy,Andrew!
ANDREW Well,your lover,Steve rather than your friend and only one of
many-but I do appreciate your undercover work!
STEVE If you were female,Andrew I would call you a bitch!
Andrew grins at him.
ANDREW Anyway,by the time I left I was in floods of tears,begging for
forgiveness.At one point I thought I had gone too far because Maggie almost
caved in whether through her so-called love for me or more likely
guilt,deciding to choose me over Caroline.Thank God her 'girlfriend' is so
butch otherwise I might have been forced to take Maggie back,heaven
forbid!Caroline asserted her dominance-very touching-and Maggie left the
house with her.They were talking about returning today to change the locks
but,hah,hah,I did that yesterday!
STEVE So,what happens now?
ANDREW I am going home later-after I have had my wicked way with you!All
this scheming and revenge seeking has given me a terrific hard-on!
STEVE And Maggie will stay at Caroline's,I suppose?
ANDREW I don't really care what happens to her.She left me,didn't she?I
know a bloody good solicitor who will make sure that nobody believes that I
was the first one to commit adultery.I will have her on the grounds of
desertion and sneak that house from under her nose.I have had enough of
women to last me a lifetime!
STEVE And what about you,asides from the house,I mean?Do you still consider
yourself to be bisexual?
ANDREW Good God,no!I intend to essentially carry on as before,really.I
enjoy my work and travelling around so much means that there is always
plenty of opportunities to pick up some tasty young thing to take my
pleasure with.
I shall live the life of a 'young' gay man getting plenty of sex with no
strings attached and with no silly little woman-or man for that matter-at
home questioning my every move.I suppose I shall be making up for lost
time.They always say 'youth is wasted on the young'!
STEVE(shocked) I hope you don't mind me saying this,Andrew but I am very
glad that you are not my boyfriend!I was not too happy about how you
treated Maggie-when it comes down to it she has really been the innocent
party in all this-but now,well I reckon you have lost the plot!
You betrayed her by sleeping around behind her back and from what I can
gather despite her growing feelings for her friend she remained faithful to
you-and now you are trying to punish her!It does not make any sense,mate!
Andrew stands up and heads for the door,glancing back at Steve.
ANDREW Save your lecture for someone who gives a damn!Being free from
Maggie feels like being released from the proverbial cage and,OK,I might
get my feathers singed from time to time but,man I sure am going to fly
high and..don't worry,my dick won't fall off-I shall wear a condom!!
He exits.
Steve stares at the door as he slams it shut and shakes his head in
disbelief.
A key is pushed at some speed through the letterbox.
I won't be needing that now either.Have fun,girlfriend!
Lights fade to black.
The curtain falls.
-The End -
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