Date: Sun, 5 Aug 2001 00:01:37 -0300
From: whitefog@globo.com
Subject: two kings [no sex]

			     T W O   K I N G S

This is a novel. And as all novels it has an introduction. It's a gay
novel, in spite of the straight-like beginning. But just read on and you'll
find the both characters: Richard and Arthur

It's not a very short story, and I'll try to send the chapter periodically.
Please e-mail me with ANY comments, good or not, at whitefog@globo.com. Txs
a lot, get some tissues and have fun.


				chapter one
				  RICHARD
		    first of march - fifteen of august

	The rain hit strongly the window. It sounded like a thousand demons
screaming on his ear that she wasn't there. He tried to concentrate on his
reading, but it was hard to accomplish. To the sound of a thunder, he moved
his eyes from the book, anxious. He kept looking at the rain for some
seconds and turned back his attention to the book to find himself lost, not
knowing what he was reading or on which line he was.

	It was first of March. It had been a month since Felicia had
left. He knew that the next time she did that, he wouldn't take it. He
loved her so much! But she didn't seem to care about him very much. She
loved the stage, her lines, her characters. Not him. Richard didn't know
what to do, it was impossible to compete with theatre for a woman's heart.

	He decide to stop reading, because it just made his anxiety
increase. He swore to himself he wouldn't do it, but he put a chair in
front of the window and stayed there waiting for Felicia, with this
forehead touching the glass and cursing the London weather. And also
Felicia's career. But he had to accept it, he knew she was already in love
with theatre when they first met. Ironically, in a theatre.

	Richard liked theatre a lot too, at least before he married
Felicia; now he was jealous of it. He had gone there to watch a play that
was making a little success in the West-end and it was where he first saw
Felicia. Blond, gracious and beautiful showing herself on the stage,
emotionally undressing for him. He felt like the person who knew her best,
in every aspect, so fantastic was her performance. Her character was
American and her New York accent was perfect. He met her in person when he
asked her for an autograph, innocently. He smiled at her after seeing her
hand-written like and inclined writing, matching her so much. She signed
Felicia Cat, and he fell in love with the name too.

	She was the feline who took possession of his ego. There could not
be a better term that "took possession", so intense was Richard's
unconscious submission for Felicia. He adored her crazily, and that passion
drove him unreasonable. He watched her play other countless times more. She
was incredible, each performance of hers was different from another. He
knew by heart all of her lines and delighted himself with her voice. After
every presentation, he asked her for another autograph, wishing she noticed
that he had been there repeated times. But she barely looked at him in the
eyes. She just smiled her saint smile when he approached her and she wrote
her name in a petulant way. That unconscious unknowing for Richard's love
made Felicia more divine and more out of reach.

	When he approached her to ask her for the autograph once more, in
one of the thousands times he went to the theatre, Richard noticed that
there was another man who had come first and was flirting with her. His
eyes were half-opened and looked to be full of lust. Richard's blood
boiled. Everything around him felt to move faster and in a second he was
already stuck on the man's neck, punching him. Felicia startled very much
with the scene, but she didn't tell Richard to stop nor screamed. Maybe she
was enjoying it.

	After the confusion was ended, Felicia approached him and spoke
with her sweet voice.
	"I shouldn't thank you for what you did, it wasn't pretty, but I
must confess that I like it. The man had been bothering for a quite long
time and I couldn't tell him to leave" she paused. "What about you? Why do
you always come here? You must already know my lines better than me
myself. And you bedroom's walls must be full of my autographs"

	Her question didn't ask for an answer, she just wanted to hear what
she already knew to massage her ego. But at least she had noticed that he
had been there a lot of others times. Richard had dreamt with the moment
when he would declare his love for her, but everything just slipped out of
his head and he just told her:

	"Because I love you, Felicia Cat."

	She showed him a smile that shook his heart. A proud and selfish
smile. Right after that, she opened a huge and satisfied one, and sighing
like her character she said:

	"Then I love you too, my admirer!" and kissed him.

	It was the best moment of Richard's life. He thought he might
die. She kissed him deeply but he hesitated, as if she was a forbidden
fruit, an untouchable statue. But finally he hugged and kissed her
strongly. Felicia was exultant. Romance finally! She wouldn't need theatre
anymore to fill her life with romantic scenes so beloved by her. Now her
life was her stage, and that man was her lover. How many times she had read
about it: secret admirers who adore their goddesses. She was that man's
goddess, he idolised her as a goddess. And she felt invaded by a warm
feeling of peace. I'm done searching, she thought, I found romance. She
kept staring at that man's face smiling. It seemed to her there was
something missing, but she couldn't specify what. She felt like forgetting
something. Suddenly she remembered.

	"How did you say your name is?"

* * *

	They went out some times in banal and ordinary dates. It didn't
take him long to ask her to marry him and she promptly accepted. They got
married a week later. The only present person on the wedding besides them
was the director of Felicia's play, Henry, who was a close friend of
hers. The first weeks of marriage were marvellous. Richard was in seventh
heaven for finally having what he wished for such a long time. Felicia felt
complete, because now romance wasn't just part of her life on the stage,
what made her leave theatre completely during all this time.  But time went
by fast, lost among Richard's kisses, and she finally noticed that romance
didn't satisfy her totally. She felt disappointed and bored with the
beginning of the routine in the couple's life and she ended up going back
for the stage, where she felt more pleasure and where the world was better
and more pleasant. Where romance was present with total strength and
eternally.

	And there Richard was, lost while he counted the water drops
running through the glass, waiting for Felicia to come back from her
endless tour through the country. It was still the tour of the same play
where he met her. What united them now put them further from each other. It
would be ironic if it wasn't sad.

	All of sudden, he heard someone trying to turn the key in the door,
but the door was opened. Felicia came in like a hurricane through the door
carrying a lot of bags. Richard looked like he had just fond a vaccine for
his disease while he looked at her. He walked slowly to her with his eyes
wet and with a foolish smile on his lips.

	"Felicia..." he murmured happy.

	"Richard!" she exclaimed with a surprised tone. "Good to see you, I
have so many things to tell you. The tour was great, the play has gotten
excellent reviews and from famous critics. I'm so excited, it's what I
always dreamed of. Ah! in Dover's presentation someone even threw me a
rose. A rose! Henry is very excited too, he's thinking about so many new
things, new plays even. He wants me to be the protagonist in every each
one! Did you hear that, Richard? Every each one! The best thing is that
he's trying to take our play all the way to Broadway! Wouldn't it be
fantastic?"

	"New York?"

	"Perfect, isn't it? I'm so excited, Richard. I've said that,
haven't I? Each show was better than the prior. But what I like the most is
the show we did in Scotland, an amazing public, very warm."

	"Scotland? You've been in Scotland?"

	Richard couldn't believe it. While he was deathly missing her, she
was in Scotland! And right now she was there, talking endlessly, not even
stopping to catch her breath or to let him speak, or to kiss him hello,
nothing.

	"Yes" she said imperturbable. "Edinburg. Didn't I tell you? But we
did go. We've been in Ireland too. I found Dublin great."

	There was a brief silent moment, while Felicia was looking for
something inside of a bag.

	"Hello, Felicia" Richard said, finally.

	"Hello, Richard" she replied still imperturbable while she was
still looking.

	"I missed you so much. When..."

	She interrupted him suddenly.

	"Found, here is the paper" she said looking for something through
the pages of a wrinkled newspaper. "I want to read this review about our
play for you. Listen."

	"No, Felicia!" he shouted.

	She got frightened.

	"No? Why not? Why are you yelling at me, Richard?"

	"Because!"

	"You should be happy for me. You know I've always wanted that in my
life."

	He kept silent staring at her face. He wanted to explain to her
everything he had been through and everything he felt, but his body was
taken by a supreme impotence. His eyes started to get wet fast, then he
just turn around and left the living room. She followed him to the bedroom,
where he was found sat on the bed.

	"What's wrong, Richard?" she said a little impatient. "What's with
you? You should be happy for me" she said once again.

	"And you should be sad for me! Can't you see? Do you like
humiliating me or are you really that dumb?" he stood up and got closer to
her. "I love you so much, Felicia. When you accepted to marry me I thought
you too liked me. But I can see you just wanted a distraction."

	"Don't say that, Richard. That's not true. I married you because I
loved you."

	"Then you don't love me anymore! Do you know how long have you been
out? A whole month! A whole month and you didn't ring me once, I didn't
even know you were alive. And that one was the fifth tour you did, and do
you expect me to be happy for you, when you're in NY, that far from me? I
should never have watched that play of yours. Ever! Then I wouldn't know
you, I wouldn't love you and neither miss you."

	Felicia kept the silence for almost a whole minute.

	"I'm sorry, Richard. I never really knew how large your love
was. But I love the theatre. You know that, and I won't give it up for
anybody, not even for you, Richard. Not even if the Pope came to me saying
that my play is diabolic and that the world could end if I went on, I
wouldn't stop. I wouldn't stop for anything."

	"Consider me at least a friend, then. And as a friend stay by my
side more that you do now. For charity, Felicia."

	"I can't, Richard. I'm in love with someone else."

	"With whom?"

	"With Jessica."

	Jessica was Felicia's character on her play.

* * *

	Richard spent the rest of the night locked inside of his
bedroom. Later, she told him carefully that she would leave the next day to
New York. She kissed him on the face, wished him luck and promised that she
would come back. Richard barely slept that night and suffered with the
unavoidable awakening without Felicia.

	Richard had to work that day. It was hard having to leave the bed
and the warmth his house already had. He worked in a not so big company's
office that wasn't far from his house. A lot of people worked with him, but
he didn't have any work mate. His world was only Felicia. And hers was only
the theatre. Richard, because of his shyness, had never tried to make
friends and kept lonely in his timeless depression. He spent the hours
without Felicia looking out the window, reading or writing weak poems with
poor rhymes. He tried, sometimes, even with no success, to put some rhythm
on his rhymes trying to make his life happier, at least in the paper. But
it never worked. Now his wife was thousand of miles away and he didn't have
any way to communicate with her. At all. And even if he could, something,
some voice or some inexorable force took possession of his body and
whispered by his ear in a masculine and obscene voice that Felicia would
never be back again.

	So he decided, that day, that his only concern would be work and
that he would forget Felicia forever, no matter how much he loved her. It
wouldn't be easy, but he needed to try. He was walking down the street,
freezing inside and outside, going to the office, where he would be
distracted for the whole day. During a break, he found one of his
colleagues in front of the drinking fountain.

	"Anthony, isn't it?" asked Richard.

	"Huh?" muttered the other while he lifted a glass of water to his
mouth.

	"Your name is Anthony, isn't it?"

	"Yes, it is. Why the sudden interest? Richard, right?"

	Richard nodded yes.

	"No special interests. I was just wondering why, since I've been
here, we've never talked."

	"Because you never wanted to."

	"Really?"

	"Really. I even thought you were mute. Or deaf."

	"Neither of them. Are you married?"

	Anthony kept silent looking at Richard quizzically.

	"Why do you want to know?"

	"No reason, I'm just trying to make conversation."

	"No, I'm not. I don't have a girlfriend either. What about you? Are
you married?"

	"I think so."

	"I know now why we've never talked" Anthony said stepping away.

	"Wait. Sorry, I'm not a mad man. It's just that our relationship
isn't very stable."

	"Ah! And what do you want right now?"

	"Friends. The only person I know in the whole city is her."

	"Impossible! In this huge city, you only know your wife?"

	"Reality is hard."

	"You must love her much."

	"Very much. Shall we turn back to the subject? Excuse me if I'm
going too fast straight to point: do you want to be my friend?"

	Anthony laughed out loud.

	"Yes. And I'll make you have more fun, I'll make you stop being
this neuroses hole."

	"I thank your intention, but I don't a clown, okay?"

	"That's fine. So to make our sudden friendship official, I invite
you to stop by in a very good pub I know after work, what do you say,
Richard?"

	"Sure."

	The "sudden friendship", in spite of the unusual beginning, grew
stronger quickly and Anthony and Richard soon became best friends. Anthony
started to frequent Richard's home and they spent much time together,
talking about banal things. Richard got used with Anthony coming in and out
his door and with their long conversations where both got theirs
insecurities out of theirs chests. After those he surrendered to his verses
that, after ready, left him alone again in the hole of his depression,
where he spent the rest of the night contemplating Felicia's picture of the
Comedy and the Tragedy.

	Sometimes Richard asked Anthony to listen some of the poems he
wrote. Anthony laughed at Richard's sentimentalism and silliness. But
Richard didn't feel offended, he could never loose that friend of his who
helped him so much. Actually, he wouldn't know what to do if he lost
Anthony.

	"Do you read the news?" Anthony asked once, when they were at
Richard's place.

	"I do, why? Can't I? What's the problem with not wanting to be a
punk like you?"

	"Hey, not punk. Look, do I happen to have green hair?"

	"I'm colour-blind" said Richard turning his attention back to the
paper.

	"I know you're not. I still think you should stop reading these
newspapers that much."

	"Why?" Richard asked finally, casting the paper aside. "What's the
problem with reading the newspaper? Is that one more of your theories?"

	"Exactly. Reading the news is something very neurotic, paranoid,
sedentary even."

	"Sedentary?"

	"Sedentary. Like television."

	"I still haven't heard your theory's arguments."

	"Okay, then. My theory is based on very simple arguments: while
you're reading things that has nothing to do with your own life, but with
other people's lives, you don't try to solve your own problems and keep on
doing absolutely nothing."

	"Which you love doing."

	"Don't get me started on 'nothing theory' right now. Otherwise,
you'll listen for the next five hours."

	Richard didn't know how, but Anthony seemed to fill almost
completely the empty space Felicia had left in his life. But he couldn't
help admitting to himself that he still loved her very much, even she being
so far away. It was like loving a dead person. Felicia's picture of the
Comedy and the Tragedy, signed with one of her many artistic names, could
be found hung behind the bathroom's door, so Anthony could not see it and
not find out that his love for her wasn't dead yet.

	Once, on fifteen of August, on a day Anthony was at his place,
Richard went to bathroom and looked behind the door as always to admire
Felicia's picture for one more instant. But it wasn't there. It was on the
floor, with the glass turned to the ground. He hesitated, afraid of
something he didn't even know what it was. He leant slowly and turned it
over. It was cracked. The fissure crossed the glass from the top to the
bottom, cutting Comedy's face e leaving the Tragedy intact.

	Richard started to shake uncontrollably. He didn't know why, but he
felt an omen drawn on that cracked glass, and on Tragedy's diabolic look to
stare at him disdainful. He began to scream while he fell sat on the floor,
pushing himself away from the picture using the legs. A bass and strangled
scream.

	Anthony heard and showed up in the bathroom promptly with the face
alarmed.

	"What happened, Richard? Why are you screaming?"

	"She's dead, Anthony. Dead" his voice showed panic and his eyes
were lost.

	"Who's dead?" Anthony asked confused while took Richard off the
ground. He took the picture from the ground before Anthony led him to the
bedroom.

	"Felicia. She's dead."

	"Where did you get that from?" Anthony asked sitting Richard on the
bed.

	"Look" said Richard showing the cracked glass. "It's cracked, the
Comedy dead. The Tragedy more alive than before."

	"Richard, that doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean she is
dead. The picture only fell from the wall and cracked."

	"No. I know she's dead. She promised she would come back, she
promised she would come back."

* * *

	Richard took a long time to get back to normal again. Anthony took
care of him every day and Richard always said that Felicia was dead in
America. With Anthony's physical and psychological help, Richard could
recover completely.

	Convincing Richard to go out of his house for the first time was a
challenge for Anthony, but he made it using one of his theories. It was a
cold day when they went out, what helped to make Richard's depression even
worse. But Anthony was speaking enthusiastic about the vantages to live in
a cold place:

	"I don't know why people talk so much about the tropical countries,
it's not so good as they say. The heat is unsupportable and you don't have
disposition to do anything. Besides, the coldness stimulate several
things. Intelligence, for example. That's probably why tropical countries
have the smallest alphabetisation rate. I've been in one of them, it's
horrible. So we should be happy we can be cold now and you shouldn't be
complaining."

	"This whole speech of yours sounds like a dissertation. Actually,
the coldness can't worsen my animation. At least, not more than that."

	Anthony opened his mouth to say something, but in that instant
Richard pointed to a black woman who was walking down the corner in their
direction.

	"Look! It's Renee! She used to be a great friend of Felicia's. It's
been such a long time I haven't seen her" screamed Richard and ran to her.

	Anthony didn't like much. Richard should be away from Felicia's
memories.

	"Hi, Renee" said Richard when he got near her. "What a long time we
haven't seen each other. How are you?"

	Her face didn't look very amiable.

	"I'm fine, thanks, Richard. And you?"

	"I'm fine too. This is my friend Anthony."

	They shook hands.

	"I wasn't able to talk to you until now since the incident. It was
horrible, wasn't it? My condolences, my friend. I can imagine how hard it
must be, you can see on your face, you look horrible" she said to Richard.

	"But what are you talking about?" he said still smiling. "Nobody's
dead."

	"Nobody?! Felicia died a month ago in NY. It was in every
newspaper, didn't you read?"

	Richard just remembers seeing everything spinning around him before
his vision darkened completely.

                                    END OF THE FIRST CHAPTER


Any comments please send me and e-mail to whitefog@globo.com, I'd love any
kind of critics.

The second chapter is going to be posted soon, I just need to rewrite it
and translate it (that's all?!) and I hope you like you and you have
patience. The second chapter is going to cover the same time interval of
time: from 1st of march to 15th of august, but now Arthur's story is going
to be told...