Date: Thu, 5 Aug 1999 14:52:49 -0400 (EDT)
From: EG <bsbwriter@altavista.net>
Subject: Adam, Zach and BSB, Part 8(gay/boy bands/Adam Zach and BSB)

Legal Note: Plese don't read this if you are under the age of 18 years or
the particular age of permission where ever you live.The story below is in
all parts fictional. All portayal of the Backstreet Boys and other persons
mentioned is in no way based on fact. All other characters are completely
fictional. All names, songs, events, and other liscensed material remains
so. Thank you.

To my readers: Thanks to Matt, Mike, AD and the guy who sends a critique
e-mail for whatever story he reads.

September 19, 1999 is the day they arrive-by they, I mean BSB-and I have
tickets. Working on those backstage passes. Promise to write all about it.
Enjoy this part of the story. I was thinking, I could really go on writing
it until I get tired of the characters-so I will. As always,
bsbwriter@altavista.net for comments, suggestions, etc.


Enjoy!

C'iao,

EG

Part 8

	When Kevin opened the door, I saw Brian sitting on the edge of the
bed, crying. "It-It didn't work. Nicky wouldn't even talk to me. It was
horrible. Fi-First, he would even let me in. Then, he let me in and
started, started raving about what you said. I kept asking him why. He said
because you were a liar. This is going to tear the band apart Kev. We play
the show on Saturday. This is Tuesday. There's no way we can work this out
by then. We're gonna have to cancel!" Brian became uncontrollable in his
crying.
	Kevin sat down next to him on the bed and put an arm around
him. "Whoa whoa. Calm down. Five days is a long time. We can work through
this," he said in a soothing tone.
	I was left standing by the door. "Let's tell him about the plan for
tonight, okay?" I offered.
	"Good idea." Kev said. We told him all about the plan involving
him, Zach and Brian. They would go out tonight to see a Broadway show-on
the way up, Nick had told Kevin he wanted to do that before they left New
York. Since Zach had three tickets to see RENT, Brian, Nick and he would
go. They would get to know each other. When Nick seemed comfortable with
Zach, he would try to broach the subject. Brian agreed to help.
	"I just wanted to remind you I'm one-hundred percent behind you,
cuz. It doesn't change the way I love you, the way all the guys love
you. And as soon as Nick understands, he'll feel that way too."
	Brian left to get some sleep. Kevin and I continued talking, for
hours. We sat on the bed facing each other. "Adam-I just wanted thank
you. You're a great person. Yesterday we were strangers and today I feel so
spiritually close. Thanks." Kevin reached for a hug and I accepted. I never
would have dreamt this would happen. His long, solid arms reached around
me, his two hands resting on my back. I did the same. I could feel his
breaths being drawn in and out. He pulled out after a few beats. My lips
brushed his cheek, and then he pulled in for a tighter hug. We weren't
lovers, but we were true friends.
	"Okay," Kevin said, "can we talk about the other problem now?" I
nodded. He pulled the letter out of the pocket of the white dress shirt he
was wearing. My palms started to sweat. Its not fair to tell him, I
thought. I have to wait until the problems with Nick are straightened
out. I can't tell him. I can't tell him.
	He started to read. "It says: Dear Kevin, First of all-let me tell
you-I'm a guy. And I'm gay. Ever since your first appearance on MTV, I've
been a dedicated fan. I've watched you go from Bye Bye Birdie to the top of
the Billboard charts. Your music is true and sincere and somehing which I
consider the soundtrack to my life. I'm sure there are plenty of fans who
think they will one day be the Mrs. Kevin Richardson. I'm more realistic. I
don't pretend to know you, but by observing the type of person who you are,
I've cultivated a large crush. You don't know how hard it is to be gay,
young and in love with a Backstreet Boy. This is the sort of thing that is
doomed at the start, but---" I looked up, to see Kevin crying. "It goes on
like that. This man changed my life in a way I never expected. I've known I
was gay for years, but its always seemed like a stupid thing to tell
anyone. Through this letter, I realized I could be a happier person. I
learned to have hope in the impossible. I want to thank the author-if I
ever-" There was a knock on the door-well, more like a pounding.
	"Kevin! Kevin! Let me in!" It was Brian.
	"What is it???" Kevin asked, answering the door.
	"Its Frack-he's gone."
	"What do you mean he's gone?!?" Kevin yelled.
	"He's gone. I checked his room, all the other guys' rooms, the
lobby, the coffee shop, the bar-he's gone."
	"Calm down. He is an adult, for the most part. He probably just
went for a walk or something."
	"But what if he ran away?"
	"Okay. We just need to make sure he's all right," said Kevin,
taking over his paternal role. "Is there anywhere else he might be?"
	"I don't know."
	"Well, think."
	"I don't know, Kevin!"
	"Okay. Everyone chill for a sec. Call the management. Let them know
what's up. Don't tell them why Nick's mad. Just say he's missing. They'll
find him."
	"Kevin," I piped up, "I'm just going to call Zach and see if maybe
Nick is with them."
	"Good idea."
	Behind me, Kevin worked to comfort B-rok while I called Zach on his
cell phone. I rang a few times before he picked it up. "Hello?"
	"Hey-Zach. Please tell me Nick is with you."
	"How'd you know? He just showed up like a lost puppy and tapped AJ
on the shoulder. Even though he an Howie are a little mad at him, they see
he's hurting"
	"I'm really glad he's there," I sighed. "Hey guys!" I called to Kev
and Brian. "I found him! He's at the Guggenheim with Zach, AJ and Howie."
	"Thank god," Kevin said.
	"When I get my hands on that jerk..." Brian growled.
	"Look, Zach," I said, "You know how you were going to have that
talk with Nick later? Could you do that now? Just send AJ and Howie
somewhere else, please?"
	"Yeah, okay. See you later."
	"Later," I said, and put my phone back in my pocket.
	"Brian-are you going to be all right? You're awfully jumpy." I
asked.
	"I'll be fine. This just needs to get worked out. I hate it when we
fight!" Brian said, and put his head in his hands.
	Kevin patted him on the back. "So do I."
	"Okay, I'm going to go get some coffee," Brian said, getting up.
	"Do you want us to come with?" I asked.
	"To tell you guys the truth, I'd really rather be alone," Brian
said, and walked towards the door.
	We nodded and waved goodbye. "What were we talking about before he
came in?" Kevin asked me.
	"The letter."
	"Oh. Yeah. Well...I want to the find this guy-I think he could be
my soul mate."
	"Kevin, you've never met this guy. Granted he helped you to come
out, but he could be some wacko living in a shack in back country," I lied
through my teeth. Its just not fair to Kevin if I tell him. As much as I
want to be with him, he travels all the time.  Even on the off chance we
would get together, and fall in love, we'd never get to be together. They
travel too much. It'd be selfish if I told him-and it would only cause
heart break for the both of us.
	"I know that's a possibility, but I don't think its true. I have to
find him."
	"Okay, but be careful-whatever you decide, I'll support you-just
know that." He nodded. "I'm going to go down to my room and give you some
space-I'll call in a couple of hours."
	"Okay." Kevin grasped my hand while I walked away, then let
go. "Bye."
	"Bye."

                --------------------------

	I got back to my room and passed out on the couch. I sank into the
cushions slowly and drifted to sleep. I had a terrible nightmare. It was a
long, brutal dream. I was chained in a chair and there was a TV in front of
me. On TV, Carson Daly introduced the number one video, "I Want It That
Way." At first, I was happy to see it. Then, when it got to Kevin's solo,
instead of singing he started to speak. "What are you doing to me, Adam?
You're lying!" he screamed. He pulled himself out of the TV and jumped into
the room. He circled the chair and yelled "What's wrong with you? Did you
actually think I would love you? You said it yourself. `Some wacko' wrote
the letter. You were right. You're insane! What is wrong with you???!?" I
went to speak, but found I had no voice. I struggled to get out of the
chair, but instead, it toppled over. Before I hit the ground I woke up,
breathless and sweaty.
	"No no no...." I exhaled as I drew myself out of my restless
slumber. I realized it was a dream, sighed, and let my head fall back on
the cushion. I heard voices in the other room. Eavesdropping was really
becoming a habit, but I really didn't have enough energy to get up and let
whoever it was know I was there. I listened.
	"You need to calm down." It was Zach.
	"I don't even know you. Why should I listen?" And Nick.
	"Well, the guys asked me to talk to you, so I'm at least going to
try to help."
	"I'm listening."
	"What's been bothering you so much?"
	"Well, Train's gay."
	"And?"
	"He didn't tell me. He's my best friend next to B-rok. I feel like
I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. And some other stuff."
	"Other stuff?"
	"Yeah, other stuff. Do I have to tell you?"
	"Truthfully? No. But it would help the situation."
	"Okay." Nick paused. I could hear him start to cry. This certainly
had been an emotional morning for the Backstreet Boys.  "I haven't told
anyone this. I was afraid that if the boys knew about Kevin, they would
find out about me."
	"That you're--"
	"Yes. That I'm gay."
	"Oh."
	"And that's why you acted so violently?"
	"I just felt threatened. And. well. I've had a crush on Kevin for,
like, a few months. I was happy and scared and felt betrayed. And my
reaction was the, uh, result."
	"Okay-so what you need to do is tell Kevin your feelings." I made
up my mind to murder Zach, again, later.
	"Okay."
	"Promise?"
	"Yes. I will. Tonight."
	"Okay."
	At this point they headed towards the sitting room where I was
"sleeping." I closed my eyes and started shallow breaths. They left the
room. I waited a few moments til I heard the elevator shifting, and grabbed
my phone. I dialed 508. I listened to it ring. I know shouldn't tell
Kevin-but he deserves to know, doesn't he? Kevin picked up, and said a
gruff "Hello?"
	"Hey, It's me, Adam. I really need to talk to you. Can we meet in
the bar?"
	"Yeah. See you in five."
	"See you then."

              ------------------------------
	The bar was a cherry wood deal, very dark and old style. I found
Kevin in a booth. Only his face was illuminated by the lamp next to
him. Damn he was exquisite. He smiled weakly and motioned for me to sit
down. "What is it?" he said, concerned.
	"Zach had his talk with Nick..."
	"And???"
	"The main reason he reacted so rudely was that he is in the middle
of coming to terms with his own homosexuality."
	"Oh, man." Kevin said and sat back. He closed his eyes. "What's the
other reason?"
	"He has a crush on you." I felt terrible for being a tattle-tale.
	"Wow-but-"
	"What?" I said a little too quickly.
	"The feelings aren't mutual." I breathed a silent sigh of relief.
	"That's okay, I think."
	"But if he faces rejection this early, he might not ever be able to
have a healthy relationship."
	"Well, what else can you do?"
	"I don't know."
	"Just try to be gentle."
	"Believe me-I will. He's like my little brother. I could never
intentionally hurt him."
	"Okay. Be careful."
	"I promise."
	I ordered a ginger ale, and he ordered a cranberry and vodka. I
knew from interviews he seldom drinks, but granted, this was definitely a
permissible occasion. Our drinks came after a few moments, the waitress
winking at both of us. I needed a drink too, but I didn't want Kevin to get
in trouble for fostering underage drinking. Over the stereo system, "Creep"
by Radiohead came on. I love that song. Apparently, so did Kevin, because
he sang along under his breath. "You're just like an angel, your skin makes
me cry. You float like a feather, and a beautiful one. I wish I was
special, you're so very special, but I'm a creep..." I closed my eyes and
listened to his beautiful voice carry itself into the air. There was
something so sad and quiet, desperate and helpless in his tone, I couldn't
stand anymore. The dream was haunting me. Tonight, I would tell him. I
wrote the letter.

to be continued.