Date: Fri, 13 Dec 2002 04:07:39 -0500
From: chris _qd <chris_qd@hotmail.com>
Subject: At What Point part 1

Disclaimer:
This story contains homoerotic and/or man-to-man relationship-based
literature. If you find this offensive, it is illegal in your area
or you are below the age to view such materials in your area - please
exit this site now! This means you, if you grew up watching Barney,
and /or he played any part in your childhood!

Said story will center on a fictitious plot line using the members of
Nsync and people associated with them as "characters." This story is
meant as a form of entertainment and should not be understood as any
form of truth when in reference to the actions and preferences of said
"characters."  IE: I know not of their actual sexuality, I don't know
them personally and I probably never will, so the events and "facts"
(unless public knowledge) aren't real -- the definition of "fiction!"

Author Note:
This is my first story and I make no pretences about being a great writer.
All I ask is that you give my story a chance.  This will not be your
typical story and you will see what I mean when you finish part one.  And
know I don't mean that it will have superheroes or fairytale creatures. (
Not that those are bad) Oh, just read! I have more to say at the end anyway...


***
At What Point? Part 1
***


`Didn't they just remodel this place?' Scott mentally sighted as he looked
around, the quickly dilapidating, Century III Mall.  Even drenched in
holiday decorations the place looked sad. He was twenty minutes early for a
meeting and his stomach grumbled queasily as he shuffled through the food
court. `I wonder if a quick bite to eat would settle me.' But with the
thought of losing his insides - the notion passed; as the greasy aroma of
the Chick-a-filet clung in the air.

"Hey! Huffman!"

Scott spun around, well did his best to spin, the result being less then
graceful, not that he had expected anything more. `Alex -- Shit what the
hell is Burrows doing here?' All he could do was smile as he processed
the approach of one of his best friends.

"Alex, been a while.  How's it going at CMU?" Scott's words slipped from
his mouth in a friendly manner while he wished this little exchange would
end.

"Ok - I guess.  No, actually it's a bitch. Too much god-damn work!"

"Bitch all you want, I just don't wana to hear it.  I thought you were a mad
man when you told me you were doing a triple major.  Hell, I even tried to
talk some scene into you. But -no-- you had to tackle English Lit, Math, and
Elementary Ed all at once."

"Are you done with the sarcastic tirade? On edge today lil boy or just
channeling the `Drama Queen' He quipped with a limp wrist.

Scott's typically light ruddy complexion drew to a deeper blush upon those
words. `Damn him! Yeah we joke in private, but he doesn't know when to stop.
It's not like I introduce him as my Hetero Leather Daddy best friend!' Time
for verbal payback. "Cute.  Don't you have a girlfriend somewhere to tie
up?"

"No dude.  We broke up."

"What? Was the rope burn getting to rough or didn't she like the ball gag?
And you wonder why you can't keep a girl. Last time I checked, `hog-tied'
wasn't in the Karma Sutra." Scott realized that he may have gone to far
with that as Alex's brow furrowed. "Alex..."

"Fuck you Huffman! At least I have a sex life unlike your sorry ass."

`I crossed the line. Damn it! The Rule: we don't discuss sex lives unless
necessary or in private confidence' When Scott came out to Alex, it had
been on impulse and to calm Scott, Alex confided his domination based sex
life.  And the Rule was formed over a pact were they kept each others
secret.

Looking past Peter to clear his head and formulate a response, his eyes
flashed over the clock that sat on the Mrs. Fields counter `Shit, 11:55.
Five minutes before I'm supposed to meet Travis!' His mouth dropped open
and became a tiny bit flustered. "Um, look, Alex, sorry, I, I went a lil
too..."

"Just drop it, ok?  I'm running late anyway, I'll call you and we can hang
out."

Scott could barely mutter: "Ok," before Alex had already dashed out of his
sight.  He had just minutes before he was to meet with Travis and was glad
his friend had not inquired as to why he was there.  Scott was not a mall
shopper, usually, and most of the world knew it.

`What the hell does he look like?  Damn, we chatted for months, we talked
on the phone, and I sent him my picture, but the stats he gave me could be
anyone of the guys that just passed me!  Tall and lean; the frat boy type.'
Scott sighed again - this could not turn out well; he just had a feeling,
and the previous attempts of meeting, his so-called friends he made online,
invaded his thoughts -- all failures.

It was noon and he looked around.  No one... twelve fifteen and still it
seemed that there wasn't a sole that could have resembled Travis left in
the mall.  The same went for twelve thirty and one o'clock.  By one thirty
he was sitting on a mall bench, watching the Christmas shoppers bustle
around.  They were all buying things, things for the people they loved or
even just cared about.  Scott looked down at his watch and sighted once
again, "2:57..." he had been in his depressing trance for too long and
needed to get the hell out of there before he felt any worse.  This time it
wasn't nerves that jarred his stomach -- it was his own feeling of being
sick of himself.

Walking to his car, Scott's mind began to churn... `I thought we were cool,
I mean it was his idea to meet.  He knew what I looked like, I e-mailed him
may picture and I made no deceptions about my stature. I told him I wasn't
exactly in shape, at 5'10 and 230; I wasn't the going to be in an A&F
catalog any time soon let alone in their store.  But he said - it was cool
-- those were his words, but what the hell would someone like him want with
me?  Oh God!  Had he seen me walking up?  He could have been any one of
those people I saw. I should have told him...'

His thoughts trailed off when he realized his was standing in front of his
car, in the chilled air of a Pittsburgh winter with tears streaming down
his face.  "Fuck."  He had wanted to scream it to the world but it only
sputtered out under his breath. He wiped his eyes and drove down the hill
exiting the mall, passing the Krispy Kreme at the end of the drive.

He was tempted by the "Hot Donut" sign, to bury his sadness in however many
dozens he could consume before he exploded, but his depression kicked
him. `The last thing your fat ass needs is a donut! But would it really
matter? It not like you would find someone if you had a 32 inch waist.
You're a freak.  People stare at freaks; they certainly don't date freaks,
let alone love them.'

"Freak." The word hung on his breath that could be seen in the frigid space
of the car. Heat reminded him of love and closeness, something him didn't
have.  The cold felt comforting, he knew the cold. The heater in his car
remained off; why bother -- heat was empty.

Scott cried to himself that night while having disjointed thoughts. Trying
to figure out where he was in life; his answers only intensified the tears.
`20, I made it to 20 -- now what? I'm doing what just about all my friends
are doing.  I mean, I'm in college, but what do I want to do?... I can't
seem to concentrate anymore... God, my grades are going to hell -- My
parents will kill me...  Shit, I have to meet with Tim down at the
Waterfront tomorrow; he wants me to meet his girl of the week...  Why don't
I have anybody...'  His last thought ended with a sob before sleep overtook
him. It wasn't peaceful, but he rarely slept any more, so he took what he
could get, tears and all.

Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare...

- RENT: Will I?

***

End note: A few things: Sorry for the lack of Nsync, I'm building to it!
Yes, this story is based, for now, in the Pittsburgh area.  It's where I'm
from, so I feel more comfortable writing about it.  And all the characters,
other than Nsync and their cohorts, are composites of people in my life, as
are some of the events.  Yes, the physical places mentioned do exist and
for the most part there geographical locations will be accurate.  But most
company names will be altered or changed if I remember to do so!  And as
you may have picked up on the main character is not prefect.  This may be
the first time where the character won't be able to double as a male model
and is not methodically goal oriented!  This will be factious reality.  Not
everybody is built or has it all together - damn it!  Ok off the soap
box... I hope you like it and want to see more.  Feedback would be great:
chris_qd@hotmail.com Flames, hate and spam will be ignored -- hope to hear
from you!

chris_qd
chris_qd@hotmail.com
http://www.cranmikey.com/ctbyte/ffa/