Date: Tue, 5 Jul 2005 21:34:48 -0600
From: Sam Dauson <sam.dauson@gmail.com>
Subject: Blind Faith (Part 17)

Hey, guys. I've got Part 17 here. These past installments Anyway, write me
with what you think. That address again is sam.dauson@gmail.com.

Disclaimers: This story is a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to
real life or any person(s), living or dead, are entirely coincidental. This
story is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of Brian Littrell,
or any other of the Backstreet Boys. It's fan fiction, and is not based in
any sort of reality. This story appears to be written in the first person
by Brian Littrell, but in fact, this story was not written by Brian
himself, or even by anyone who knows him personally.

If you are under the age of 18, or your local laws prohibit you from
reading sexually graphic or erotic materials, please leave now. The same
applies to anyone offended or made uncomfortable by stories involving
consensual homosexual male relationships. Basically, if you continue
reading, you are doing so on your own free will, and I cannot and will not
be held responsible for any consequences.

Author's Note: Again, most of this installment was written prior to me
abandoning the story for so long. I don't even remember most of what
happens, I just want to get it out there, no edits or anything. Just think
of it as "classic" Blind Faith. ;)

And as always, a huge thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of
me and my writings, past, present and future.

That being said, on with the story...

Blind Faith
Part 17

	Being without Evan the first time was painful, to say the
least. This time, however, it was nearly unbearable. He'd been by my side,
with me almost constantly for the past two days, and now, that was suddenly
gone. I knew I'd see him again, but not knowing when that would be was only
further torment.

	No matter how much I wished otherwise, though, there was nothing to
be done about it. The world was still turning, and I had to keep smiling
for the people in it. The Backstreet Boys had another concert that next
night, and Kevin wasn't going to let me slip into some sort of mild
depression.

	Had it not been for Nick, I probably would have done just that,
despite whatever efforts Kevin would have made. Nick understood me,
understood what Evan meant to me, and I couldn't possibly describe how
valuable that was. If I had to choose a word to describe the feelings of my
band mates toward my sexuality, I would say 'accepting', with the exception
being Nick. Nick was... understanding, sympathetic, and it made all the
difference for me in the world.

	"You can't just stay inside all afternoon, Bri." Nick sat in a
small chair, opposite the bed I was lying on. My room was dark, at least
compared to the relentless intensity of the daylight at that hour. The
curtains were closed, the lights off. Like Evan's wet clothes had to his,
the absence of light suited my mood.

	"You can't make me go outside." I stuck my tongue out at Nick.

	"Come on, Bri." he reached out to touch my arm. "I mean, you'll
talk to him tonight, at the latest, right? Would it really be so bad if you
had some fun in the mean time?"

	I sighed heavily, and looked away from Nick. "Yeah, like nine hours
from now. About eight and a half hours too long a time." I shifted
uncomfortably. "Nick, he'd only been on tour for a few days, but that's all
it took for me to get used to having him with me, you know? I'll be okay in
a day or two, I'm just going through a little withdrawal." I turned back to
face him with a smile to prove my point.

	"So you're officially in love, just to be clear, right?" he smiled
back at me.

	"I am," I answered without hesitation. "I'm in love, Nick. I
haven't told many people, no one but you and him, in fact, but it's the
truth."

	"He's a great guy." he said slowly.

	I nodded silently. "I'm glad at least you think so, Nick." I paused
to give myself time to form appropriate words. "A.J. and Evan can say
they've made up, but I know there's always going to be tension there. Howie
hasn't said much of anything yet, at least not to me, and Kevin..."

	"Howie's fine with it, I told you, remember?" Nick interrupted.

	I turned my head smiled at him. "If you say so." My gaze shifted
back to the ceiling above me. "But Kevin thinks the whole relationship is
wrong. That night he called me over to his room, after the dinner,
remember?"

	I saw Nick nod out of the corner of my eye.

	"He and I... well, we got into an argument just as Evan and
A.J. were getting into theirs." I paused to take a deep breath. I wasn't
enjoying recalling any portion of that evening. "He told me that being with
someone as young as Evan wasn't right... he told me I couldn't do it
anymore, that I couldn't keep seeing Evan."

	There was a moment of silence before he responded. "You know he had
no right to do that, right?" he paused for just a moment. "Besides, *he's*
the one that's wrong. He's not anyone to say how much of an age difference
is too much of an age difference."

	"I know, Nick." I turned to face him again. "I don't have any
intention of calling it quits with Evan either just because he thinks I
should. But if I don't, I know him and Evan aren't ever going to be buds
either." I sighed. "How is Evan ever supposed to feel welcome in my life if
even just one of the Backstreet Boys disapproves?"

	"He'll see past that, Brian, trust me. He loves you, it's obvious,
and he's not the kind of guy who's going to let Kevin, A.J., or anyone keep
him from you." Nick replied.

	"It just bothers me too, ya know? Like Kevin doesn't trust my
judgment." I sighed again, feeling the weight of the conversation pushing
on my chest.

	"Whatever Kevin thinks of Evan isn't the only problem with Evan
coming on the tour, you know..." Nick trailed off, obviously hesitant to
push the topic.

	"I'm aware," I replied dryly, but trying to put some warmth in the
tone, so that Nick knew I wasn't upset with him for saying it. "I've been
over that too... but I don't want to talk about it right now, okay?" I felt
depressed enough without forcing myself to analyze the implausibility of
Evan being with me on tour.

	"I understand, Bri. I'm just sorry things are turning out this
way. I wish there was something I could do to help."

	"I know, Nick. I know." I smiled at him again. "You're the best
friend a guy could have, you know that?"

	He smiled back. "Yup."

	"It's noon already, Nick. You're hungry, I can tell. Go grab
yourself some ice cream or something, okay?" I smiled again for good
measure. "You need some nutrition. I'll be okay here, honest."

	He eyed me carefully, as best he could in the dim light. "I
normally wouldn't give up so easily," he started, seriously. "But I *am*
hungry, after all."

	I grinned. "Surprise, surprise."

	"I'm bringing you back something, though." he added as he stood
from the chair. "What would you like?"

	I pondered it for a second. "Cheese. I think I'd like some cheese."
I smiled at him, still lying on the bed.

	He didn't reply, but just smiled, and turned in the direction of
the door. I turned my attention back to the ceiling, and heard the door
open and close quietly.

***

	There wasn't anything of significance that happened the rest of the
afternoon. Nick brought me the cheese I requested, and told me that the
other guys were concerned about me. I told Nick to tell them that I just
needed a little alone time, and that I'd be okay. I knew they cared about
me... all of them, A.J. included. I suppose they just needed some time to
adjust to the change of circumstances. Some time to try to understand the
relationship between Evan and I.

	While I certainly wasn't in the best of moods, I hadn't lost much
of my appetite, and ended up eating a good chunk of the cheese. Nick had
brought me quite a large quantity. I probably would have eaten more, but
after a while, it was obvious my stomach wasn't enjoying it as much as I
was, and I was forced to find some real food.

	Rehearsal came again at four that day. I left my room to meet up
with the rest of the guys in Kevin's room an hour before, and even managed
a little socialization before Kevin got us out of the hotel.

	My stomach had fortunately settled itself by that time, otherwise,
rehearsal would have been... not so pleasant. There wasn't anything
remarkable about that rehearsal either, nor was the concert worth much
mention. Just another performance, what I did for a living. There aren't
many accountants who'll tell you a new story about every job they complete,
and I'm no exception. It was just another routine concert for me.

	After we were done performing, and showering, of course, there was
the standard meet and greet we usually had to do. I tried my best to be as
cheerful and friendly as possible, more for Kevin than the fans. It was
hard keeping my attention focused; my mind wanted to wander, and mull over
thoughts of Evan. I wouldn't be surprised if I came off as somewhat of a
ditz to those girls who were there, distracted as I was.

	I'd been busy constantly since the afternoon, and resolved that the
first free moment I had, I'd use it to call Evan. More than likely, that
probably wouldn't be until the five of us were on a plane again, flying to
the next tour stop. Right after the meet and greet, it was off to the
airport, where we would board a plane to St. Louis for yet another concert.

***

	"You going to call Evan?" Nick sat beside me in the rear-most seat
of our Suburban. I liked the car, it was comfortable, spacious, and
certainly not as high profile as a limo.

	"Not just yet," I smiled at softly. "I think I'll wait until we're
actually on the plane. It'll be a nice distraction from the flight."

	"I can't believe flying still upsets you. I would have thought
after all the hundreds of plane trips we've made, you'd have been fixed by
now." he smiled, making an effort to keep from laughing at his own
statement.

	I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Watch it, though, Nick. Much more of
that, and I'll see to it that you're the one who gets fixed."

	"Ouch."

	"'Ouch' indeed." I replied quietly. It was my turn to keep from
giggling under my breath. He kicked me from his sitting position as best he
could, just hard enough to make me rub the affected area with my
hand. "Oww." I stuck my tongue out at him.

	"Let's keep thinks civil back there." Kevin asked from the seat in
front of us, turning around to face Nick and I. He smiled at me. "And I
just want to thank you, Brian. I know you put on that happy face at the
concert for my benefit, and I appreciate it." I think he wanted to add
more, to tell me that he at least understood how I was going through a
tough time, but seemed to decide against it.

	"No problem, Kev." I replied.

	There wasn't time for further conversation, as the distance from
the hotel we had been staying at to the Minneapolis airport wasn't all that
great. We had arrived, those of us who had stuff we wanted to carry with us
on the plane grabbed it, and we exited the car. All the other luggage was
taken care of by someone else, so all we really had to worry about was
getting ourselves on that plane.

	Fortunately, we managed to get through the airport and onto our
plane with no interruptions. Over the past year or so that the Backstreet
Boys had been pop super-stars, we'd found just the right mixture of
sunglasses and baseball hats. As long as we had somewhere in particular to
go, and didn't hesitate to get there, it usually worked for us just fine.

	I made sure to grab a window seat, despite my dislike for the
altitudes a plane reaches. I could always just close the window shade. With
Nick in the one seat next to me, it would make for at least one seat
between me and any other band mates. I just don't think I would have felt
comfortable on the phone with Evan with anyone but Nick sitting right
beside me. I sat down, making myself as comfortable as possible before
takeoff. Nick took his seat as well.

	I pulled out my phone and dialed the number.

	"Bri, I miss you." he answered before the second ring.

	"I miss you too, baby." I turned to see Nick grinning at me. I
waved a hand at him to show I didn't appreciate being watched. "How're
things at home?"

	"Just as I left them," he responded.

	"Good." I smiled.

	"How about you, Brian?" he asked in return. "How are you holding
up, you know, with the rest of the guys?"

	"With the rest of the guys, I think it's safe to say they're just
as you left them." I hum of the plane's engines started
suddenly. "Otherwise, well, we've just boarded a plane to our next tour
stop. Did I ever tell you how I feel about flying?"

	"You can't be serious," he said, almost with a laugh. "You don't
like it?"

	"I hate it."

	There was a silence in which I figure he was contemplating whether
to make it easier on me or tease me more for my irrational
fear. Thankfully, he decided on the former. "I'm here, Brian, if you want
to talk, take your mind off it, whatever."

	"Thanks, sweetie." I smiled. "How did your mom react to your eye?"

	"Like a mother, how else?" he replied. "She's more concerned about
how I feel, and if I'll be alright than with how it happened though, so I
think it's all good."

	"That's a plus."

	"Yeah, though it's definitely no fun having to keep things from my
mom. I dread answering the questions she's going to ask about my "college
visit": 'was it the right school for you?' and such."

	"Speaking of keeping things from your mom," I started, wondering
when I'd get the opportunity to meet Mrs. Mitchell. Considering the age
difference between Evan and I, I feared it would be rather awkward. "Any
plans to tell her... you know..." I trailed off.

	There was silence at the other end of the phone for a few
seconds. "About you?" he asked.

	"About us," I replied, concerned. If only I'd known.

	Evan laughed, but it was awkward, forced. "One step at a time,
Bri. Right now I'm still trying to decide how to explain the fact that I
came back from a college visit with no souvenirs or even literature about
the school."

	I shook off any feeling of anxiety I had, and laughed a
bit. "Right, right, probably a good idea."

	To my great surprise, at that moment, Nick plucked the phone out of
my hand, and placed it against his own head. If we weren't already well in
the air, I would have been pissed at him for stealing my take-off support.

	"Hey!" I exclaimed at his grinning face. With a grin of my own, I
punched him in the shoulder. He made a mock-hurt face, then waved his hand
at me just as I had done to him, trying to get me to turn away. For that I
punched him again, and watched intently as he spoke to Evan.

	"Hey dude! What's up?!" he called into the phone. He
laughed. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Aww, thanks bro." He grinned at me. "I
see. Alright then, you take care of yourself. Yeah. Bye," he smiled again
and handed the phone back to me.

	I took it and grinned at Nick. "Sorry about that, babe. Honestly I
don't know why we ever let him out of his cage."

***

	Touchdown was tough without Evan on the phone, but Nick was there
to take my mind off it a little bit. "So, out of curiosity, just what did
you and Evan talk about for the few seconds you had him on the phone?" I
asked.

	He grinned. "Nothing."

	I glared.

	"Alright fine, we talked about you." he laughed. "Are you
surprised? We umm.. didn't talk long. But he told me he was glad you had
people like me and the rest of the guys in your life, because you deserve
to be surrounded only the best."

	I smiled that that, but somewhere in the back of my mind thought it
was sort of an odd thing to say, to not somehow include himself in the list
of people that 'surrounded' me, especially his role in my life now more
central than ever.

	"So there, now you know. Happy?" Nick asked.

	"Definitely." With that, the wheels touched the ground, and the
plane trembled as it rapidly slowed to taxi speeds. The captain's voice
crackled over the intercom, welcoming us to St. Louis.

	We disembarked together, and headed down to baggage claim where we
would meet our driver to take us to the hotel. We knew him by the sign he
held, one which read "KBNAH". An astute fan might have been able to figure
it out and realize it was us, but it certainly drew less attention than a
sign announcing this man was about to take the Backstreet Boys out of the
airport would have. Sure enough, he was standing alone.

	Kevin greeted him, and he introduced himself to Kevin as not a
driver, but as an executive from the record company. He certainly spoke
with all the formality and stiffness of one. "Mr. Richardson, I'm afraid I
have some bad news. We've received some threats as to your well-being here
in St. Louis, and we have reason to believe that said threats are more than
just idle. We wouldn't take such drastic action if we didn't believe that
there is a very real danger here."

	Kevin eyed the executive as the rest of us exchanged worried
glances. "What kind of 'drastic action'?"

	"Mr. Richardson, we're canceling your performances here in the
Gateway city," the executive replied. "The Backstreet Boys tour is going on
a one-week hiatus."

	Everyone else seemed upset and disappointed at the interruption to
the tour, worried what the fans of St. Louis would think. And they were
also very curious about the threats made against us, but the executive
either couldn't or wouldn't give any more information about what exactly
had been said and how the call was made to cancel the performances.
Everyone was very distressed about the whole situation-- everyone but me.

	Granted, these were all valid concerns, but I only had one thing on
my mind: we had a week before our next performance, and I knew exactly
where I'd be spending it.

---

There's the 17th installment, at last. If you have anything to say, send it
to my inbox at sam.dauson@gmail.com. I will, as always, be forever
grateful.

Sam