Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 19:14:13 PDT
From: Frederick Pettine <tornarius@hotmail.com>
Subject: Bradlys-New-Beginning--4

	First of all, I'd like to thank all of my readers out there! I love
you. I really do because without your comments and suggestions, I wouldn't
be able to write what I'm writing.

	Secondly, I'd like to take some time to recognize a few stories out
there. "Lucky Me" by my darling friend Lauren. "Brian and Me" by the
strangely humorous DLS, and "Lance In Shining Armour" by Scotty;)

Also, I've love to thank Yuli for being the friend that she is. ;) DLS and
Lauren also.

	I'd like to apologize for taking so long on getting this one out. A
few real life problems occurred and it took me a little bit longer to get
back into the 'swing of things.'

      DLS! My imagination's running slow, what CAN you do with a silk scarf
and a feather? ::looks utterly innocent::

	Thanks guys! For everything ;) Here's Part 4...


			  Bradly's New Beginning
				    By
			    Frederick Anthony;)

	Rusty! What the hell was he doing here? "Hi..." He said as he
stepped out of the car. "You changed." I changed? He sure didn't. He still
had long brown hair mixed with a lot of white. The fact that I was seeing
him again, after seven years of no contact, after what he did to me, was
unnerving to say the least.

	"After everything you did to me, seven years ago..." I said as
softly as I could, and as bitterly as I could. "All you say is 'Hi.  You
change.'  Well I've got something to tell you..." I was beyond pissed! He
had the balls to walk up to me and talk to me? After everything he did to
me when I was younger? He molested me. He also disgusted me. I glared at
him and spit in his eye. "Goodbye." I then turned and walked away. Not
caring that people were staring. Not caring about his calling my name over
and over again. Calling for me to come back to him. No, never again will I
go running back to someone who has hurt me. Never again.

	I kept walking even though I had no idea as to where I was going.
My mind kept wandering as I walked. I kept thinking about what Rusty did to
me. Everything. It was cold out and my eyes were stinging with tears. The
pain didn't help my anger much; it just made me even angrier.

	I wasn't focusing on where I was going, just that I needed to go
someplace. I kept walking and crying. People stared at me from their cars
and the sidewalk, but I didn't care. I was past caring.

	As I walked around the city my eyes would occasionally drift to my
bandaged wrists and then back to the ground. I still didn't know where I
was going, even though I had been walking for about three hours. My eyes
were stinging and my legs were hurting. My face was cold and my arms were
shaking. As a familiar house came into view the tears were even fiercer
than before.

	As I walked up the gravel walk path, I sniffled a little bit. My
Nose was running and frozen. My ears were burning, and my eyes were
stinging and not to mention I couldn't feel my hands.

	I walked up the all too familiar wooden steps and hesitated when I
reached the door. Would she remember me?  Would she care? But as I
mentioned before, I was beyond caring.

	I knocked softly. Loud enough for her to hear, but not too loud,
but just loud enough. A few minutes after I knocked the door open and I was
staring at a very short woman.

	"H...h...hi..." I managed to get out. She looked me over, grabbed
my hand, and pulled me into the warmth of her house.

	"You ass!" She to me bitterly, "It must be zero degrees out. And
here you are, walking around in a fucking hospital garment?"

	"S...sorry." I whispered. "Just...need...warmth." I mumbled softly.

Her features softened enough for me to see what she was really feeling. She
was worried. I would've smiled if I weren't so cold. She ran into the
kitchen long enough for her to grab a warm washcloth.

It was then, as she was walking back from the kitchen that I got a good
look at her.

Her hair was long and black. And by long, I mean seriously long.  It came
well past her butt. Her eyes were a dark green and her face was blemish
free except for a scar above her lip. Her lips were luscious and red and
her teeth were white. She kissed my cheek as she put the warm washcloth to
my face. While the warmth was welcome, the water wasn't. I guess I must've
shivered slightly because she took the washcloth away and ushered me into a
bedroom.

Once we were there, she rummaged through a closet full of clothes and
handed me a pair of khakis and a white sweatshirt. She offered me a smile
as she pushed me into the bathroom.

"Take a shower." I nodded a small nod and she shut the door.

As soon as I got into the bathroom I looked down at my wrists. They were
still bandaged but the bandages were dirty.

Before I knew what I was doing, my own hands started to undo the
bandages. As the gauze pad was lifted I could see a long scar. It was about
a quarter inch thick and was straight. The scabs on top of it made it look
long and jagged, not to mention rough and disgusting. With a sigh, I
started the water and got undressed.

While I was in the shower, my thoughts drifted back to when I was
younger. How I came to meet this wonderful woman I'm proud to call my
cousin...and how I lost her.

	I was twelve when my mother and I moved to New York. We had moved
to this little backwater town called Highland. But I wasn't complaining
because I rather liked Highland. You see it was small and homey. It wasn't
big at all, not even 16 miles long or across. I kept asking myself, "what
was going to happen here?"

I started school a few weeks before my birthday. Immediately I was shunned
because of my slight southern accent and was pushed in with a group of
three kids. Justin, John, and Chris were those three kids.  We were thrown
together and we kind of stuck with each other. After a year of this, I met
Lydia. She was young, gothic, and petite. Now that I think about it, she
was beautiful.

Her and I started hanging around with each other a lot. After about two
months of the two of us hanging out, I met Raymond Pauli. I introduced
them, the night I introduced them I mentioned to Ray that I had a small
crush on her.

The next morning he asked her out.

I was furious! But I held it all within. I figured that I'd just let them
be happy and let myself be miserable. After about three months, Lydia and I
stopped talking because Raymond had told her I screwed Chrystal.

Chrystal was after all, Lydia's best friend.

Chrystal and I were going out, yes. But I didn't screw her. I never screwed
anyone! And Ray said I screwed Chrystal. Well, Lydia was too upset to even
talk to Chrystal and she only believed Ray because she had feelings for
him. After about three more months, she found out the truth and dumped Ray
for trying to break up Lydia and mine friendship.

Lydia turned fifteen about three weeks after they broke up and was
devastated. Her grandmother and I tried throwing a party when her
grandmother mentioned that her father's name was Corrado Davino. Needless
to say, that was how we found out that Lydia and I were cousins.

After another month Lydia and I were even closer than before Ray and we
were nicknamed Mutt and Jeff. But Ray came back into the picture...and he
killed Chrystal.

	After that I just went into a major state of withdraw and broke off
all contact with my friends and everyone. Including Lydia.

     	"Move your ass!" I heard her scream through the thick oak door. I
let out a loud groan and turned off the water. "Hurry up and get out
here. We got some talking to do!" with that said, she left me alone to get
dress.

	I stepped out of the shower and started to dry myself off. While I
was getting into the clothes that she had given me, I would occasionally
glance at the mirror and at my wrists.

	My wrists didn't look all that bad now, still a little
unnerving. But not as bad as they did when I first made the cut. Soon the
memories of what I did came flowing back and I collapsed on the bathroom
floor in a heap of sobs and tears.

	Hearing this, Lydia started to bang on the bathroom door, screaming
and asking if I was all right. I didn't answer her and she must've thought
I tried to kill myself because she found a way in the bathroom and started
to hold me. I just sobbed against her chest in weak convulsions as she held
me. My tears started to stain her white blouse but we didn't care. I just
kept crying. The memories of what happened...Rusty and Ray, Chrystal...they
kept coming back and I kept reliving them.

	I was walking through the woods with Chrystal and we found our
usual spot. With a serene smile I bent down and kissed her. She started to
kiss me even more forcefully and I knew that this was going to be the time
that we actually...

	Lydia was shaking me and I kept sobbing against her chest. Her
fragile four feet eleven inches tried to pull me to the door. But she soon
gave up trying to move my two hundred pounds of muscle. I started to sob
harder as the memories resurfaced. I couldn't control them they just kept
coming.

	She was straddling me now and our eyes locked. She leaned down and
kissed my neck, my cheek, and soon my lips. We kissed passionately for
several minutes until she started to unbuckle my jeans...

	Lydia was there now, hugging me and holding me in my time of
need. As she was before the murder...before everything.

	Chrystal rocked her hips against mine and I let out a low groan. As
she bent down to kiss me I heard a gunshot and a small cry. Chrystal fell
down on top of me and I rolled over to where I was above her. I saw the
gunshot hole in her chest. I started to sob against her. Mumbling
incoherent things against her chest as she bled all over me. I didn't
bother putting my pants back on when I heard the cop's sirens getting
louder and closer. My eyes started stinging as I kissed her cheek and held
her as she died in my arms. The last thing I remember about that day was
Ray's smiling face as he ran into the woods.

	"Shh." Lydia whispered in my ear, "It's all right. I've got you."
Her voice started to calm me down a bit. I was still sobbing but not as
violent as before. I looked up at her with bloodshot eyes. She smiled down
at me and kissed my nose. "I love you, my little cousin." She
whispered. There were tears in her eyes too. She kissed my forehead and
tried to pull me up. She may have been strong, but she wasn't that strong!

        	After a few tries, she stood up and put her hands on her
hips. With a smirk, she started to tell me exactly what she thought of
me. Not lovingly mind you, and her variety of curses and swears shocked
me. Soon I had calmed down enough to stand up and give her a hug. Witch a
smile, she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the living room. I sat down
on the love seat and watched her as she sat across from me. The only thing
that was separating us was the table. She reached over the table and
grabbed my hand. With a small, sad smile, she asked what was wrong. I
didn't know what to do, if I should tell her or if I should just hold it in
and let it fester like an open wound. My mind was reeling. I didn't know if
I should tell her everything that had actually happened to me or what. I
didn't know...I honestly didn't know.

She squeezed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile. I still wasn't sure of
what I was going to do. If I was going to tell her that I tried to kill
myself, that I tried to give up...that I couldn't handle the stress and
pain that was thrown at me. I was very unsure of what to do.

So I told her.

"Lydia," I started, "Before I tell you exactly what happened. Can you do me
a big favor?"

"Sure, anything." She said softly.

"Well, it's kind of hard for me to go through this because I'm not very
proud of what happened in my life. If I tell you what happened, what
brought me to your door...will you promise to save any remarks until the
end? You can ask questions...just leave the statements in your head until
I'm done?" With her nod I began. "Well, it all started about two months
after you started going out with Ray..."

Everytime my tone shifted so did her eyes. When I started to talk about how
I killed myself, her eyes started to tear up. After the first ten minutes
of watching her eyes switch between a mix of sorrow and pain, and between a
mix of sorrow and helplessness, I decided that if I wanted to hold my
composition together, I'd look at something else.

So I locked eyes with a very pretty picture on the wall.

As I told her the story of my so-called life, she would ask questions every
now and than. Like, 'Did you really?' and 'Oh my god, did that really
happen?' But one look in my eyes told her that what I was telling her was
one hundred percent the truth.

When I finished, we were both reduced to tears. Her sobs were coming in
regular and timed intervals. You could almost set your watch to them! I
wasn't sobbing as much as I was in the bathroom, but I still had my fair
share.

Soon she stood up and gave me a hug. While we were basking in each other's
warmth I stole a glance that the clock.

It was seven thirty in the morning.

I glanced out the window and sure enough, the sun was starting to appear
over the mountains to the east.

"My mothers always said, life was like a box of chocolates. You never know
what you're gonna get." For some reason, that kept playing over in my
mind. Maybe I've seen Forest Gump too many times in my life, but it was
still running through my mind.

	She had been quiet for some time, her eyes were open and she was
looking at me as if I had an aura around myself. Looking at me as if she
was looking into my soul. As if she could sense that there was truth to
this.

	"So..." I said softly, afraid to break the welcoming silence, "What
do you have to say?"

	She blinked twice before replying, "Brad, you told me you were
gay. Which I had assumed since I met you because you just never looked at
me in the way like most men have. I don't blame you for trying to kill
yourself, with everything that was going on I would've done it to. You're
mom's a bitch, plain and simple. Everything that's happened to you...all I
can say is 'wow.' I'm sorry there's nothing better to say. Yes, Brad, I
accept you for whom you are. But there is no way in hell, I'll ever forgive
Aunt Joyce for what she's done to you." I smiled softly at her comment,
"And lastly, I love you. You're my cousin, my brother, and my best
friend. You know I'll always be there for you?"

	I nodded softly and replied, "I love you too, Cous." She gave me a
small smile and jumped up.

	"Well! I think it's time for some sleep. It's seven thirty in the
morning and I'm exhausted! How about we go and get some sleep? You can have
Julie's old room before she moved out." I raised an eyebrow.

	"Where did Julie move to?" I wondered aloud.

	"Hmm? Oh, she moved down to Georgia."

	"Georgia? What the hell is she doing in Georgia?"

	"She wanted to go to school there, she heard that there are a few
great high schools down there." I nodded my agreement and let out a
yawn. "I think you should get some sleep. I should too..."

	"Alright," I said as I lay down on the couch, "I'll get some
sleep."

	"You do that." She whispered as she got up and kissed me on my
forehead, "You do that." With that said, I disappeared into a dark and
dreamless sleep.


	When I awoke, my eyes darted around the room out of habit to try
and picture where I was. When I finally remembered where I was I calmed
down a bit. I sat up slowly and looked around again, I noticed a few things
that I didn't notice last night during the 'story telling.'

	"Lydia!" I called out for her but no answer, I figured she had
probably left to pick up some groceries or something. I decided to do a
little bit of writing while she was gone.

	I stood up and walked into the kitchen, looking for a pen and some
paper. Her Majesty decided to leave me a healthy little note telling me
that she'd be back by six for dinner. I glanced at the clock that was
hanging on the wall just above the stove. It was only four thirty, still
early.

	Once I found a pad of paper and a suitable pencil, I started to
sketch out an outline for a poem. Normally I'd dive right into it, but I
wanted to kill some time so I was going to take it slow.

	I was halfway into the poem when Lydia came through the door
carrying bags filled with groceries. I rushed over to help her by grabbing
a few bags and placing them on the kitchen table. She smiled over at me
with tussled hair as she plopped down in a chair. I started to unpack

	"Kill me if I ever decide to go shopping by myself again?" I
laughed as I saw her exhausted five-foot frame. I giggled softly as I put
the rest of the groceries away.

	"Will do, now will you tell me why you didn't wake me to come with
you?" I probed.

	"You were asleep," she said while stifling a yawn, "and I didn't
want to wake you up." She finally gave up and yawned rather loudly. I
laughed softly as I put the last box away.

	"All right," I said with a grin, "I've got a plan." She blinked at
me and raised an eyebrow. "You go take a nap." I said and pointed at the
bedroom, "And I'll cook dinner. After that we'll talk about some important
things." She smiled and yawned again as I picked her up and carried her
into her bedroom. "All right?" She yawned.

	"All right." She whispered as I placed her on the bed and left to
make dinner.

	I hummed some little ditty as I cooked my famous chicken
parmagiana. I was still humming even after everything was done and set up
in their respective rolls. I even grabbed those cute frilly toothpicks and
placed on in each roll.

	I walked into Lydia's room and knocked on the door and called her
name softly. No one answered behind that door so I reached for the
knob. Just as I was about to grab the knob she yanked the door open and
growled at me.

	"Don't snarl. And what's wrong?" I said with a cheery smile on my
face.

	"You kept me up all night, I was having a wonderful dream about
some really cute guy." I let out a laugh. I laughed even harder when she
gasped and said, "Is that...?" I nodded. "Oh my god, I haven't hard your
chicken parmagiana in a long time!" I giggled softly as she sat down and
dug right into the food.

	"Gee, don't wait for me."

	I sighed softly and leaned back in my chair. As I was digesting my
dinner. My eyes sought out what I was looking for, the pitcher of
iced-tea. I grabbed it and started to pour myself a cup. Lydia was just
finishing up. I yawned softly and glanced at the clock...it was only seven
thirty. I let out a small laugh and set my glass down after I took a
sip. Lydia patted my hand.

	"Tasted great." She said as she grabbed her stomach and laughed. I
chuckled softly and started to stand.

	"I think we should get talking." I said as I stretched and cracked
my knuckled. She nodded softly and led met toward the couch. We sat down on
opposite end of the couch.

	"Lydia..."

	"Bradly..." We both said at the same time. With a slight nervous
laugh she gave me a look.

	"You first." I said softly.

	"Where are you going to stay? After everything that's happened,
your mother would probably try and get custody. But since you're almost 18
the court could grant in your favor...but wouldn't you need a place to
stay?" I let out a nod and sighed softly. "Well, mother and Arthur aren't
here. They're in Europe for the next six months. So I've got the house
until then. If you would like, you could stay here..." I raised an eyebrow.

	"Lydia," I said softly, "I couldn't impose on you. But I don't have
a place to stay. If I could stay here for a few months, long enough to get
an apartment and a good job..." She nodded.

	"You can, dear. You can." With that cleared, I felt a lot of stress
leave my body. I jumped up and hugged her.

	"Thank you, my little cousin." I said softly, "Thank you."