Date: Tue, 20 Feb 2001 09:40:37 -0000
From: J-dot M <catsfan1@hotmail.com>
Subject: Angel's Wings Part 11

Symptoms of a Heartbreak Chapter I (Angel's Wings Part 11)
Written by JM

	Roses are red
	Violets are blue
	You can wish on every star
	But he still won't love you
	No matter the time
	Any day of the year
	Each time you're with him
	You'll cry lonesome tears

--- If you're under 18, don't read this and don't fall in love.  If you do
not like fan fiction related to same sex relationships or opposite sex
relationships, don't read this and don't attempt to find love.  If you don't
like the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, Innosense or anyone with a connection to
them, don't read this and please don't tell me you know what good music is.
If you're afraid of seeing any couple breakup, don't read this and get your
friend a tissue if they decide to read this.  If you don't like JM and think
he's an egotistical bastard, please read this and keep on hating! ---

--- Feature Presentation: This movie is rated R for adult situations, adult
language, varied scenes that contain sexual intercourse, mild violence,
nudity, and adult subject matter.  This is a drama, simple as that.  It'll
make some of you cry.  It'll make some of you laugh.  It'll make some of you
hate me and some of you will love me.  It might make some of you horny,
while others, you might be too mad to get turned on.  Whatever it does,
remember that it is fiction! ---

		A man can show it with a hug while a woman can show it with a kiss.  Some
give flowers, candy, while others might give gifts.  And it doesn't seem to
matter now a days, as long as someone gives it.  But why must it be so
material?  Does it have to be so predictable?  A dinner date, a few gifts
and then the required sexual intercourse because it's a holiday.  It doesn't
seem right.  That can't be love.  Love can't be labeled by a cheap gift from
Hallmark on every occasion.  There has to be more.  There has to be a
meaning, something that keeps a person warm when it's ten degrees below
outside.  But what is that something?  What is love?  It's not easily
defined and that's the easiest part to identify.
		This nurse could not identify with the topic of love.  Walking into the
barely-lit waiting room with a dreary expression injected into her face, a
clipboard pressed to her chest, and her eyes more steely than blue, she was
less-than capable of understanding love.  Her name wasn't Serendipity, but
she carried herself as if she was the answer to the prayers of many.  It
could've been her way of escaping the life she lived at the hospital or
maybe it was her way to dream without sleeping, being that she barely gotten
a whole hours sleep nightly.  With a low sigh, she decided none of it
mattered right now.
		She stopped near a young man slumped over in his chair, a sad expression
highlighted his face and his indigo eyes were glazed.  "Sir, is your name
Justin?" the nurse asked, her voice wallowed inside of her oblivion.  The
young man lifted his head.  He was Justin.  Justin Littrell.  And being at
this hospital was the last place he wanted to be, but for a person he loved,
he neglected his responsibilites and rushed to be there.
		"Yeah... I'm Justin." he replied, his voice scratchy and untamed.  The
nurse pursed a smile that was unconvincing.  "Well, if you'll follow me,
I'll take you to see him." she hummed, lowering the clipboard to her side
and letting her other hand rest on her hip.  Justin nodded and stood,
grabbing his jacket and tucking it under his arm while sliding his free hand
into his pocket.
		The nurse gave him a once over.  He was a tall, lean man, handsome
features covering every inch of him.  His hair was a garden of short unruly
curls gelled stylishly.  It was a reddish-brown shade, obviously colored,
with the sideburns ending just below his ears.  His physique was built
enough for him to be an athelte, yet still small enough to be a model.  His
hands were manly, but still framed with the softness of a baby.  His face
was youthful with pouty red lips, deep indigo eyes, perfectly set eyebrows,
cheeks that spread for the ideal kind of smile, and a chin that was scarcely
sprinkled with auburn hairs that formed a goatee.
		Justin shot the nurse a grin, nervous emotions running over his skin as
she gazed at him.  "Hmmmph." the nurse half-giggled, turning around.
"Follow me." she said coolly, raising the chart again as she walked in the
direction of the room.
		Justin followed her shyly, his mind residing on the place he was in.  'I'm
tired of hospitals.  I don't want to be here, in this place.  I've seen too
many of my friends here... and now this?  God, why this?  I can't handle
this right now.' Justin thought, his mind swaying from depression to
bitterness.  He let his eyes glancing the halls, the features of the place
he knew too well.  Passes rooms he once saw his friends locked up in and
rooms he had been in himself.  The cold, damp feeling of the air was enough
to stir his stomach in the wrong direction.  He hated it and anyone could
see it.
		"He's in here." she said, her tone chaffed.  She pushed open the door to
the darkened room, only shadows running through the room.  Justin chewed on
his lower lip, his shyness still a resident expression.  He took only one
step toward the open room before feeling a finger poking at his chest,
causing him to flinch.  He sunk his brow and his indigo eyes strayed to the
finger.  "He's got medicine in him, so don't keep him up too long.  He needs
his rest if he ever plans to be halfway decent." she said verbosely.  Justin
lifted his eyes to stare into her's before nodding.  He saw no hear in her
expression and decided it would steal his time with his friend if he lashed
out against her bitter attitude.  He balked at her finger and slid away from
her, slipping into the room.
		A heavy coldness drapped around Justin's shoulders while standing in the
room.  Machines.  That was the simpliest way to describe the room.  From the
quiet ones to the beeping ones to the ones he had no definition for, they
were all machines, heartless and cold to the touch.  A shiver ran up
Justin's spine as his hooded eyes looked at the man resting on the bed.  His
pale features were haunting.  His hair was amazingly deshelved and uncombed.
  He looked thin, maybe a little too thin.  It wasn't a normal appearance
for him.
		Nipping tears bit at Justin's eyelashes, but he held them inside.  'I
can't cry, not now.' Justin told himself as he took a few steps closer to
the bed.  When his thigh bumped against one of the metal railings of the
bed, he stopped.  He sniffled quietly and lowered his hand, carefully
drawing his fingers through the soft russet hair.  'Sort of looks like
Brian's.' Justin mused, another sniffle slicing the cool air.  His fingers
began to move through the hair, attempting to style it naturally.  As his
hand slipped down the man's face, he felt a warmness from his thin cheek.
It wasn't the same warmness Justin usually felt when he saw when the man
smiled, but it was enough.
		"I... I didn't think anyone here would... want to touch me." the man
coughed out, his eyes blinking open.  He turned his head and looked at the
hazy image of Justin, his vision distorted by his sleepiness.  "Well, I
don't work here with these mean bastards." Justin whispered, striving to
smile for his friend.  The man blinked his eyes several times to get a
better visual of Justin and he frowned when looking into Justin's eyes.  He
could read the message without trying.  "If you want, you can go into the
bathroom and secretly cry over me.  My sister does it everytime she comes to
visit me." he said teasingly.  A smile finally fell over Justin's pouty
lips.  He sniffled quietly and shook his head.  "I'll try and hold it in
until I get home." Justin replied, brushing the back of his head over his
friend's cheek.  "Thanks." the man said weakly.
		Justin cleared his throat and glanced around the room.  A single vase with
flowers and two balloons were the only material things wishing his friend
well.  It ached inside of Justin to think that was the only support his
friend had.  "I'm so upset with the workers here.  They messed up my ID
bracelet.  My name is Sebastian, not Sebeans." the man complained, coughly
shortly.  Justin let his eyes roam downward until finding Sebastian's face
again.  He smiled softly.  His hand found Sebastian's and he held it,
rubbing the back of his friend's hand with his thumb.  "Do you want me to
have them fix it?  I've got some weight around here." Justin joked, his
tears subsiding.  Sebastian giggled weakly.  "No, my sister just about
cussed out one of these nurses for it already.  I'm not worried though.
Maybe I'll get a cute male nurse to fix it for me." Sebastian gleamed, the
hollowness of his smile leaving Justin weak.  "You're hopeless, you know
that?" Justin chimed.  Sebastian sighed, his smile dimming.  "That's what
the doctors say.  They say that I'm so sick now, they think I might actually
have the AIDS virus now and not just HIV." Sebastian said, his voice lowered
and tainted with depression.
		Justin frowned severly, his grip on Sebastian's hand tightening.  The
tears were beginning to prick at his eyes again and he refused to blink them
away again.  "I was afraid you were going to say that." Justin choked out.
He sniffled and tried to wipe away the tears.  Their salty warmness trickled
over Justin's lips and down his chin, falling to the bed.
		Sebastian looked up, watching each tear slip from Justin's squinting blue
eyes.  "Hey, you told me you were going to hold those in until you got
home." Sebastian said, reaching up to catching one of the drooping tears.
Justin caught his wrist with his free hand and brought Sebastian's hands to
his face.  He kissed the back of his hand and rubbed it against his cheek.
"I don't want you to die, Sebastian." Justin cried melodiously.  Sebastian
shot Justin a smirk, drawing his hand away from Justin's face.  "Who
would've ever thought that me, Sebastian, would have Justin from *NSYNC in
tears.  I never thought I'd ever be able to call any celebrity my friend."
Sebastian remarked cheerfully.  Justin nodded, the tears still gliding down
his face.  "And who would've ever thought that I would've met such a great
young man.  To think, I named my firstborn after you." Justin smiled, trying
to laugh away his tears.  Sebastian giggled with him, feeling at ease in his
weakened state.  "It's the best feeling in the world Justin.  To know that
there is a little boy running around that'll one day grow up and be able to
do all the things I won't be able to?  It's like having a son of my own."
Sebastian stated, his voice full of awe.  "You can borrow him anytime you
want." Justin whispered, petting his friend's hair back.
		"Hey, I saw you at the Super Bowl.  That was a great halftime show... you
know, the whole *NSYNC and Aerosmith thing." Sebastian boasted.  Justin ran
his thumb over Sebastian's cool brow with a grin.  "It was a lot of fun."
Justin replied.  "I thought it was so cool.  Britney looked great too.  And
hell, she sang live." Sebastian added with a small yawn.  Justin continued
to massage his friend's head with his fingers, soothing him into a peaceful
state.  "I'll be sure to tell her you said that." Justin giggled.  Sebastian
snickered lowly, his lofty eyes slowly drooping.  "I bet it was nice having
Brian down there with you." Sebastian grinned.  Justin nodded with another
small giggle.  "I was really thankful that the Super Bowl folks asked the
Backstreet Boys to do the national anthem.  I got to spend that whole week
with my husband and my son.  Brian even brought Angel out on the sidelines
during the halftime show so that he could watch me perform." Justin chimed
with a diminutive country accent.
		Sebastian yawned again, turning his head to look up at Justin.  "It is
nice to be with the man that you love.  Me and my boyfriend were sitting
three watching you guys and I kept on bragging about how cool it was to see
my friend ripping it onstage at the Super Bowl." Sebastian said with a
bright smile, his eyes still heavy.  Justin swallowed hard, his eyes batting
open wider.  He must've been mistaken.  "Did you say 'boyfriend'?" Justin
asked stiffly.  Sebastian smiled at him, his eyes finally blinking shut.  "I
tried to call you on your cell phone, but no one answers that number."
Sebastian explained briefly.  He yawned a litte louder.  "I had to change my
number again.  I'm sorry I didn't give it to you, but what is this about a
boyfriend?" Justin inquired with a brash voice.  Again, Sebastian smiled
sweetly, his eyes remaining closed.  "His name is Max and we've been
together for a little over a month.  He's coming by after work tonight to
see me." Sebastian responded.  "And no Dad, we haven't had sex because of
the obvious, but we cuddle and he kisses me on the cheek and the forehead.
He's takes really good care of me and guess what?  He's got his own car
too." Sebastian added teasingly.
		Justin felt a smirk pull at the corner of his lips.  He pulled his hand
from Sebastian's head as he began to slip into his sleep.  "Who cares about
that... is his family rich?" Justin joked.  Sebastian released a light
snicker before shaking his head.  "I met him at a coffee shop, not a country
club." Sebastian giggled.  Justin finally smiled.  He ran his thumb over the
bridge of Sebastian's nose.  "If he treats you good and respects you, then I
suppose he's okay." Justin whispered, pulling his hand from Sebastian's.
		Sebastian smiled.  He was fighting his sleep, but his medication made it
inevitable.  "Will you come by and see him later on tonight?" Sebastian
requested in a drowsy tone.  "I can't.  I've got a date." Justin whispeered
his response.  Sebastian nodded and turned his head.  His fight had ended
and he was not locked in a state of sleep.
		The door shut to Sebastian's room and Justin felt a sliver of himself
still walking around inside of the room.  He leaned against the closed door
and whispered a prayer, his mind struggling to pull away from thoughts of a
hollow depression.  He had to put the coldness of the room outside of his
mind, but he could still feel it.  Like a nightmare that wakes the soul,
Justin felt the the shivers and the goosebumps covering him.
		"You've got a lot of love for that kid, don't you?" JC wondered, moving
out of the shadows of a corner.  Justin shook with sudden surprise.  He
blinked his eyes, glaring at JC, before nodding.  He crossed his arms and
sighed longly.  "He's nineteen, Josh.  He shouldn't have to suffer like
this." Justin replied, shaking his head.  The frown that tugged at his lips
caused him to lower his head.  He wasn't defeated, but he was unhappy.
		JC walked to his friend with cautious steps.  He feared repeating the
actions that occured the last time he came this close to Justin at a
hospital.  He placed a hand on Justin's shoulder, rubbing it softly.  He
cleared his throat, looking around with fearful eyes.  "If that was you, I'd
be losing my mind right now." JC said, his hand running from Justin's
shoulder to his chin, lifting it.
		Justin blinked back tears and stared at JC with a tinge of horror running
over his eyes.  JC shot a friendly smile.  "But if that was my husband, I
don't think I'd lose a lot more than just my mind." JC added safely.  Justin
swallowed hard, the paleness in his expression fading.  He grabbed JC's
wrist and pulled his hand from his chin.  He let a complex expression rule
his face as he lowered JC's hand.  Hearing those words uttered from JC's
lips didn't seem natural.  It sounded like a mockery of what Justin
treasured.
		"Tell me, Josh, what can you remember from your wedding night?" Justin
uttered.  It was unexpected.  Justin hid his eyes after the question cleared
his lips.  He was thinking out loud, but he did not desire to retract his
inquiry.  Deep down, he wanted an answer.  He needed one.
		JC took a small step back from his friend, an inquisitive expression
running over his face.  He pressed his lips together and exhaled heavily.
"I remember a lot of drinks and a whole lot of sex." JC replied teasingly.
His response from Justin was unfavorable.  Justin furrowed his brow,
crossing arms once more.  His care for his friend was being overlooked and
it disturbed him.  This was marriage, not a backseat fuck after the prom.
"Despite what happened between me and you during those few weeks, my
marriage means the world to me.  It hurts me a lot to see you and Nick walk
around as if your marriage means half as much to you two as mine does to me.
  So stop being insensitive and act like you care whether or not you may
have made a serious mistake." Justin brooded.  JC eyed his friend, trying to
decypher his tense look.  He finally nodded, seeing the suffering it caused
Justin.
		"I've been in that dream a thousand times Justin and it never comes any
clearer.  All I can remember is getting drunk at the pub with you guys and
then me and Nick snuck out and went for a stroll around the strip.  I
remember him suggesting we get married right then and there and I thought he
was kidding.  But when he pulled me in the chapel and showed me the rings...
I guess I went along with it." JC explained, a throbbing seeping into his
temples.  He lifted his hand to rub them with his thumb and middle finger.
The visions were never clear when he tried to recall the events on that
night.  He could always vividly see the events that occurred when the
alcohol began to wear off, but those pictures were only steamy visions of
the passionate sex he and his new husband had.
		Justin uncrossed his arms, thoughts of embracing his friend to calm him
passing through his mind.  'No, he needs to dig deep.  That can't be all
that happened that night.' Justin argued with himself.  He twitched his
nose, tracing his friends features with his eyes.  "Was there anyone at the
chapel with you two?  Someone that might know what happened?" Justin
questioned, refusing to end his interrogation.  JC groaned, snatching his
hand from his head and narrowing his sapphire eyes.  His gaze was a little
dangerous, but still subtle.  "I couldn't tell you what the preacher looked
like if you put him in a line-up.  I do remember looking back and seeing two
witnesses or whatever.  One was a woman and the other was a man." JC
responded, his tone strained.
		In Justin's eyes, there was no sympathy.  He could sense deceit, betrayal,
but not on his friend's part.  After the talks he shared with JC, especially
in Las Vegas, why would he marry Nick?  What would prompt him to it?  "But
the woman seemed so familiar to me.  Like I've seen her before, but I never
really communicated with her.  She was wearing this short-cut brown wig and
sunglasses, but she seemed just too familiar." JC added, scratching the back
of his head.  The bleek gray portraits of the night continually flash in
JC's mind, but no one picture fits with the next.
		Justin pondered JC's words as JC slid his hands into his pockets.  He
lifted his head with his natural smile.  It was strong and undeniable, no
matter how dark it was.  "Does this all matter Justin?  It didn't matter to
us when you married Brian.  You loved him, we accepted it, and we were there
for you." JC said, his charming smile still gracefully flying on his lips.
Justin wrinkled his brow with frustration.  He uncrossed his arms with a
soft sigh, resolving his anger to aid a friend.  "I love Nick, please accept
it and be there for me." JC pleaded, his soft eyes defeating Justin.  'How
can I accept it if I don't know it's real?  How can I accept it if you tried
to seduce me and didn't think twice about Nick?' Justin thought, veiling his
indigo eyes to conceal his thoughts.  "I'll be there for you." Justin
exhaled out.  He licked his lips while his heart sunk.
		"I guess that's good enough Just." JC whispered, edging near Justin again,
leaning forward to rest his chin on Justin's shoulder.  Justin nibbled on
his lower lip, hesitant about wrapping his arms around JC.  He gave into
love and held JC close, his hands resting on the small of JC's back.  The
soft, meanginful sigh from JC echoed through Justin's body.  He didn't love
JC; he only felt a friendly feeling for him.  But deep down, Justin felt the
season was bringing a different air and possibly, it wasn't what happened
that night that bothered Justin, but what didn't happen that night.
		"Damn, it feels so good to be home." Britney Spears chimed as she strolled
through the spacious living room of her boyfriend's home in Orlando.  "You
did a lot of work on that video Britney.  You need a rest." Felicia Culotta,
Britney's personal assistant, insisted as she walked through the house
straightening minor details.  Britney kicked off her heels, letting them
roll on the floor as she strided toward the kitchen.  "Hey Rubbles, you can
just leave the bags near the steps.  I can get them upstairs." Britney
called out to her security guard as she moved a few pieces of laundry from
one of the couches to the counter in the kitchen.
		She sighed, glancing around the kitchen.  It had been close to three weeks
since she had had more than ten minutes to be inside of her temporary home
with her boyfriend.  Between promotional events, brief recording sessions,
the Super Bowl, and shooting her upcoming video, Britney had not taken a
second to breathe in the air of relaxation for long and she missed it.  She
cleared her throat, smiling as she stared at a picture of herself, Joey, and
Justin posing together at Lance's New Years party.  'What a wild night that
was.' Britney thought with a less-than-cheery smile.  She groaned softly,
twisting her lips as she pulled down her five-minute hairstyle.  "Fee, could
you bring me my cell?  I've gotta call Justin." Britney requested loudly,
brushing her bangs back as she paced around the kitchen.
		"Brit', you know you shouldn't leave clothes on the kitchen counter.  It's
so untidy of you." Felicia remarked as she handed Britney her cellular
phone.  Britney rolled her eyes with a foolish giggle, thumbing the buttons
on her cell phone until she got to her phone directory.  "Fee, I was going
to get to it later on." Britney responded, watching as Felicia began to sift
through the clothing.  "Mmhmmm" Felicia hummed, sorting the clothes into
separate piles.  Again, Britney rolled her eyes, glancing down to her cell
phone to find Justin's number.
		A loud barking and the sound of paws on the tiling of the kitchen prompted
Britney to glance down with a delicious smile.  "Ivory!  Oh, my baby."
Britney cheered as her mixed-breed dog barked with excitement at her feet.
Britney immediately knelt down to lift the dog into her arms.  "Fee, look,
it's Ivory.  And she's so big now." Britney cooed as the dog ravished her
with licks.  Felicia glance over her shoulder with a petite grin, observing
the affection exchanged between the young woman and her dog.  "You know,
maybe it's time Justin's dog has another litter of pups so that you can get
a younger dog.  Ivory's kind of old now." Felicia advised, returning her
attention to the laundry.  Britney groaned loudly, ruffling her dog's fine
hair.  "Fee, Ivory is just a year-old.  This cutie little puppy isn't ready
to be replaced.  And we would never replace you baby.  Never ever." Britney
chimed, nuzzling with her excited dog.
		"Britney, why didn't you bring this shirt with you on your trip?  It's so
cute and I bet it would've looked great on you." Felicia remarked, holding
up a spangly pink top while still sorting through the clothing.  Britney
took her eyes from Ivory and glared at the shirt.  She cocked up her
eyebrow, peering at the shirt.  "Fee, that's not my shirt." Britney said in
a dead voice.  Felicia glanced back at Britney, baffled by her statement.
She took a quick look at the shirt again, spreading it to examine it.
"Brit', are you sure?  It looks like something you'd wear." Felicia
remarked.  Britney lowering Ivory to the floor.  She stood erect, her arms
folding below her chest.  "Fee, look at it.  I'm skinner than that and my
breast are definitely not that large.  I'd look like a pole in that shirt."
Britney retorted, a sting in her tone.  Felicia placed the shirt on the
counter, shying away from it.  "Maybe it's Janine's then.  Didn't Joey say
his sister was stopping by?" Felicia questioned with a drooping smile.
"No." Britney replied flatly, stomping away from her spot.
		Britney yanked open the refrigerator, her brown eyes searching for a drink
to cool her anger.  'I'm jumping to conclusions too soon.  Slow down Brit'.
It's not even serious.' she told herself, pulling a Snapple from the
refrigerator.  She pulled her fingers through her hair, her anxiety
noticeable.  She untwisted the top with jittery fingers.  Tears were
pricking at her eyes, but she held them back.  "Maybe you should call him
and see if it's his sister's shirt?" Felicia advised, leaning against the
counter with a caring smile.  Britney took a swig of her drink, unimpressed
by Felicia's care.  "Fee, he's in fucking Miami shooting a scene for a
movie.  I couldn't get in contact with him if I tried." Britney responded,
trudging toward the trash.  She took another large gulp of the Snapple,
contemplating the reality of her situation.  She had no reason to assume
anything about her boyfriend.  It was just a shirt, one single shirt.  Where
was the trust she had invested Joey if she accused him of cheating over a
single pink shirt?
		Britney glanced down to the trash as she let the small cap of the Snapple
slide from her fingers and laid into the almost empty trash.  Her eyes
narrowed as she glared at the contents of the trashbin.  She swallowed hard,
almost choking on her own saliva.  A lone, discarded and torn open Trojan
wrapper laid near the bottom of the wastebasket.  Britney shook her head
quickly, the Snapple nearly slipping from between her fingers.  "Brit?
What's wrong girl?" Felicia asked briskly when seeing the ghostly shade in
Britney's cheeks and the pastiness of her eyes.  Britney's bottom lip
trembled as she blinked away tears.  It was like being in court and the
prosecutor had entered in the second piece of evidence against her
boyfriend.  The jury was leaning toward prosecution and Britney, herself,
was leaning with them.
		The distinct ringing of a pager caused Britney to lose her grip on the
bottle.  It fell as quickly as her feet rushed to the counter in the
kitchen.  As the bottle rebounded on the wastebasket and tipped into the
trash, Britney snatched up the black pager from the counter.  "Britney?
What is wrong with you girl?" Felicia asked briskly, dumbfounded by
Britney's actions.  With a quick press of a buitton, the beeping sound ended
and Britney began to thumb through the options to find the new message.
"Isn't that Joey's pager?" Felicia asked curiously, watching as Britney
mashed down the buttons.  Britney did not lift her eyes to acknowledge
Felicia's words.  She continued to manuever through the messages until
reaching the latest one.  She read the message typed in tiny black digital
letters with disbelief written into her face.  Her heart finally froze and
cease to give her the support she needed.

	'Hi Sexy Joe-Joe.  Call me @ home!  Need shirt.  Kisses, Kelly'

		"Hey Britney?  Are you okay?" Felicia asked, her words only echoing
through the room and not Britney's mind.  For Britney, it all stopped for a
moment.  Nothing cease to go or stay.  The world didn't revolve on love and
she was alone.  Alone?  Britney had not been without her lover for so long.
Their last breakup was over sex.  But this?  It was more than sex.  It was
betrayal.  Britney didn't need to hear it said aloud.  The prosecution
entered their final piece of evidence and the jury was decided.  Guilty.
Case closed.  Bailiff, please remove the defendant from Britney's heart, but
inside, she no longer could bare to hear his name.
		"Britney?  What is it girl?  Come on, you can tell Fee." Felicia pleaded,
placing a hand on Britney's shoulder for support.  Britney didn't want that
hand.  She didn't want that support.  She wanted explainations.  That was
all she needed.  And maybe a hug, maybe a moment to know she was worth
something still and she wasn't just a pop star loved for her sex appeal and
boldness.  She needed her first true love, Joey.
		"Fuck!" Britney screamed out, hurling the pager across the kitchen.  The
small device crashed into the cabinets of the nearby counter, shattering
into small mechanical pieces.  Ivory barked frightfully, scampering from the
kitcehn to avoid the following shards of the pager.  Britney pulled her
bangs back, her face flushed and her eyes scarlet red with beating tears.
She jerked away from Felicia, her fingers shaking as she placed them over
her trembling lips.  It was all falling at her in one moment.  Tears fell,
sniffles quaked, her heart ached and her mind throbbed.  She tried to wipe
away the tears as if they were a sin, but she couldn't; there were too many.
  "Fuck." she whispered with a shaky voice, leaning on an adjacent counter.
She burried her face in her hands and without repugnance, she released her
ill fated tears.
		He was soft-spoken.  He was sometimes a little shy.  He was scared at
times, but only because of his jealousy.  He was a blue-eyed, loving country
man and he never tried to be anything less.  He was not overprotective and
at this instant, as he walked slowly down the hallway of the hospital, he
refused to be anything but himself.
		He cleared his throat softly, scratching behind his ear as he drew closer
to his lover, Justin.  Observing Justin leaning against the wall with one
arm wrapped around JC's shoulders as JC clung to Justin was not one of Brian
Littrell's favorite portraits, but it was one he had to leave hanging on the
wall until his husband was ready to remove it.
		Brian felt like stopping for a second to dwell on his feelings, but he
refused to feel sorry for himself.  Running away from a reality was not an
option for Brian anymore.  The past couple of months he had spent with
Justin was like falling in love with him all over again.  Brian felt
twenty-three again.  He was the young man he was when he fell for Justin and
the youthful love they shared then was becoming apart of their reality now.
And JC?  'He loves me, he you not.' Brian smiled to himself, walking
slightly brisker to reach Justin.
		JC lifted his head when hearing the footsteps and he turned his eyes in
their direction.  He stared at Brian for only a second, the discourse
wrinkled into Brian's brow sending him the only sign he needed.  He
cautiously pulled away from Justin, a tepid smile on his lips as he glanced
at Justin.  "I should get going now." JC whispered to his friend, shying
away.  Justin raised his brow with wonder.  His eyes strayed to find Brian
advancing with a minute smile.  "You sure?" Justin questioned JC as JC
continued to move away.  JC smiled gently before nodding.  "Call me if you
need to talk about it." Justin requested as JC followed the pale lights down
the opposite hall.  JC nodded once more, his eyes flickering with an unseen
care for Justin.
		Justin turned his quiet expression in Brian's direction as Brian laid a
hand on his hip.  Brian gambled with a smile, praying he could win over
Justin's softer side.  Justin licked his lips, a glimmer in his eyes that
only Brian felt.  Brian brought his other hand up to Justin's face, his
thumb running over the bridge of Justin's nose while a finger touched his
lips.  His caring fingers played with Justin's bottom lip as his thumb
brushed over the top lip.  He searched Justin's eyes for that mellow side of
Justin in his indigo eyes.  It was there, but Brian could sense Justin was
hiding it.  "Do I have to ask for a kiss Beanie?" Brian asked, his gentle
country accent warming Justin's soul.  Justin blinked back his intimidation,
a grin tugging at the corners of his lips.  "No." he whispered.  Brian let a
smirk break from the corner of his mouth.  "Can I have a kiss Beanie?" he
asked in his soft, tempting voice, his head leaning in Justin's direction.
Justin arched his brow, his eyes lowering as Brian drew closer.  "I said you
didn't have to ask." Justin said quickly, Brian's lips dangerously close to
his.  "I know.  That was sweet of you, but I'm a gentlemen and it's only
proper that I ask for a kiss from the most gorgeous man in this hall." Brian
whispered back, finally pressing his lips to Justin's.  Justin offered no
resistance as Brian covered his lips.  He merely slid a hand behind Brian's
head and held him close, treasuring the kiss as he treasured every breath he
took.
		When the kiss reached its peak, Justin pulled back, breathless but
satisfied.  He ran his fingers through Brian's soft hair, a generous smile
on his lips.  Brian giggled before placing a small peck on the spread lips.
"Hi." Brian said coyly, rubbing Justin's slender hips with his fingers.
Justin snickered, shaking his head at Brian.  "Hi yourself." he replied.
Brian could not fight temptation.  He leaned in again and kissed Justin's
lips, brushing the tip of his tongue along the outside of Justin's lips.
Justin moaned quietly, pushing Brian back with a free hand.  "Did you miss
me much today Brian?" Justin asked jokingly, twisting his fingers in Brian's
hair while wiping reminents of moisture from Brian's lips.  "Of course, but
I'm guessing you didn't miss me that much." Brian responded, a useless frown
crossing his lips.  "Yes I did." Justin argued defensively.  Brian chuckled
lowly, brushing his lower body against Justin's.  Justin felt the developing
erection in his husband's pants.  "You didn't." Brian quickly stated,
stealing another quick kiss.  Justin groaned with aggravation, giving Brian
a small shove.  "Yes I did." he repeated.  "Mmmhmmm." Brian hummed, mocking
his husband.
		Justin squinted his eyes and exhaled heavily as Brian took hold of his
hand.  "Are you ready to leave?" Justin inquired while glancing around the
bleek hallway.  Brian glanced over his shoulder to the room behind him.
"Not yet.  I just want to stop in and see Sebastian for a minute." Brian
answered him, his voice drifting.  "I think he's still sleeping." Justin
said, interlocking his fingers with Brian's.  Brian chewed on his lower lip,
letting his eyes focus on Justin.  "And we don't want to keep Lance and the
others waiting too long." Justin added.  Brian frowned profusely, his doughy
eyes leaving Justin weak.  "Okay Rocky, you win, you win.  We'll wake him
up." Justin finally agreed, winking at Brian.  Brian smiled wickedly,
nudging Justin.  "Love you." Brian gleamed.  Justin giggled quietly.  "Love
you too Rocky." Justin grinned while leading Brian into Sebastian's room.
		He was not jealous.  He was not jealous.  He was jealous.  He tried to
fight it, but lying to himself was something he was not capable of.  Sitting
in a quiet, high-profile Orlando restaurant, Brian could not help but pick
at his Teriyaki chicken with his fork while thinking of the image he saw
during the late afternoon.  The complex picture of Justin and JC standing
together, so close, only left Brian's mind troubled and his attention short.
		"Man, Justin, I really don't see how you and Brian do it.  I keep
wondering what Kaleb is up to and if he's all right." Chris fussed lowly,
tapping his fingers along the table he sat at with Brian, Justin, Bryce,
Lance, and Meelah.  Justin turned his head in Chris' direction with
fascination.  He shot his gfriend a crooked grin, grasping a few noodles of
Fettucini Alfredo with his fork.  "And you don't think I don't wonder about
Bastian?  I'm always wondering if he's all right, but I trust Lea and know
she's good with our boy." Justin stated, shucking some of the noodles into
his mouth.  Chris nodded, lifting his glass of wine to take a quick sip.
"You have to remember that you're getting out so that you can remember that
you're not only a father but a husband." Justin added, motioning toward
Meelah.  Chris took a glance to his left, watching his wife look around the
restaurant with discontent.  He slid an arm around his wife's shoulders,
pulling her close.  "That's a good enough reason for me to be here." Chris
smiled, staring into Meelah's round brown eyes.  Meelah let a smile crack
through her lone expression and it only widened Chris' grin.
		Lance sighed with happiness, cautiously holding his boyfriend's hand under
the table.  "I really want a baby someday." Lance remarked softly, watching
as Chris and Meelah cooed at each other.  Chris' eyes strayed from Meelah to
glance at his friend.  "A kid?  Lance, you want to adopt too?" Chris
wondered, his curiosity peaked by Lance's statement.  Lance blushed and hid
his pale green eyes, his shyness revealing itself.  "I've always wanted
kids.  I think it's natural for a guy to want to be a father sometime in his
life." Lance replied lowly.  Bryce ginned, nudging Lance with his shoulder.
"I want a child too." Bryce said, smiling innocently.  Lance lifted his head
with surprise, raising his brow when looking at Bryce.  The question was in
his eyes and Bryce shyed from it.  "I mean when I'm stable and married."
Bryce added with a slight stutter.  Lance gave his boyfriend a goofy grin,
the sudden need to kiss him rushing through Lance's system.
		"I don't want to discourage you from adopting Lance, but having a baby is
a big responsibility, even for me and I'm old.  It's not just *NSYNC and the
person you're in love with anymore.  It's a lot more." Chris informed his
friend, his serious-nature surprising the others.  'Since when did Chris
become so adult?' Justin thought, eyeing his friend as he spoke.  "It's also
one of the greatest joys you can get.  Being a father is a beautiful
experience." Brian added, hoping to keep that flickering light of hope
burning inside of Lance.  Lance kept his nervous grin, scratching the back
of his head while trying to keep his eyes away from view.  "There's no lie
about that." Chris agreed as Meelah rested her head on his shoulder.  "And I
think Lance is a stable enough guy to take care of a child." Meelah added,
smiling toward Lance.  Lance lost his shyness when hearing the statement.
He lifted his ivory-green eyes and returned the smile to Meelah.  "Thanks."
he chimed.  He felt Bryce's grip on his tighten in an affectionate way,
causing his eyes to pull in Bryce's direction.  A flirtatious yet loving
pout rested on Bryce's lips, leaving Lance a little weak.
		"Would you all like to order dessert now?" the male waiter questioned,
standing over them with a small gleam on his face.  "Oh yeah... I need some
sugar." Chris grinned, snatching up the dessert menu from the middle of the
table.  Meelah rooled her eyes with a petite giggle.  She wrapped her arms
around her husband's arm and snuggled close to him.  "If you're going to
order something, make sure it's something I'll like too." Meelah remarked,
glancing at the menu from Chris' side.  "Oh, we're sharing, are we?" Chris
wondered, a large grin on his lips as he turned his face to look at Meelah.
Meelah gave him a slight nod, glancing over the pictures of sweetened
desserts.  "Hmmm, then we're probably going to want something with ice
cream." Chris noted, flipping to the next page of desserts.  "Mmm, you know
what I love." Meelah beamed, nwstling her head into the crook of Chris'
neck.  "Would that be me and Kaleb or maybe a double-fudge brownie with two
scoops of vanilla bean ice cream and whipped cream?" Chris asked jokingly,
nudging his caring wife.  Meelah giggled quietly, pointing to her choice of
dessert.  "Both." she cheered, placing a quick peck on Chris' freshly shaven
face.
		Lance tilted his head, watching the closeness between Meelah and Chris.
It was a pure, simplistic love that Lance had not truly seen.  They dated,
started a relationship, married, and had a son.  It was what he had always
dreamed a relationship would be.  He never got it though.  He found a guy
who was stuck on his old flame and only had Lance for sexual pleasure and
casual conversation.  Lance was a trophy for him.  Then Lance found a guy
who professed love for him, but when Lance wasn't ready for what he wanted,
he moved on and slept with Lance's ex.  'Why does my love life sound so Soap
Opera-ish?' Lance thought mewling over his fallen relationship.  He didn't
even want to think of the relationship he had with Matt Thompson.  Could it
even be classified as a relationship?
		"Hey, I've got a hypothetical situation for you." Bryce whispered into his
lover's ear, stirring Lance from his troubled musings.  Lance turned his
head with intrigue, his endless eyes trapping Bryce.  He felt Lance's
fingers brushing over his knuckles and a tiny lump formed in his throat.  He
could only stare at Lance for a moment, lost in adoring thoughts that heated
his blood and caressed his heart.  "What's the situation?" Lance asked, his
curling deep Southern accent echoing through Bryce's ears.  "Uh... say me
and you survive this year.  We stay together and we're just as happy as I am
right now.  Say by January of next year, I want to be Mr. Bryce Bass and by
March, I want us to be holding our first son.  Do you think it's a feasible
reality or maybe I'm shooting too far and you think we should do something
else?" Bryce wondered, his voice full of nervous emotions.  He breathed and
he waited.  It was a longshot.  Bryce was tired of dreaming the idea and
never speaking it.  It weighed heavily on his heart and he needed if his
boyfriend felt the same.  He needed confirmation that their relationship,
almost a year-old, was moving in the right direction.
		Lance trailed his index finger down the back of Bryce's hand and over
Bryce's ring finger.  He traced the curves of the promise ring he had given
his lover during the Christmas season.  So soft, so pure.  Bryce's ambiance
was healing for Lance.  Always safe and protective, something Lance had done
without for so long.
		Bryce felt a quiver inside of him when feeling Lance's gentle touches.  He
cleared his throat softly, hoping to spur a comment from his boyfriend.  "In
my mind, Bryce, it doesn't seem too viable." Lance finally replied, his
dancing eyes looking away from Bryce.  Bryce could not abide by his mind's
request to hold back a grimace.  He didn't like the reply he received from
Lance.  "Honestly, I think we'll last through the rest of this year and I
think I'll make you more happier than you are now and that you'll probably
be Mr. Bryce Bass in December of this year and I'd like for us to be holding
our first son or daughter by this time in Feburary of next year." Lance
stated in a hushed voice.
		Just when he thought he couldn't, Bryce smiled.  It was because he knew
Lance was right.  Those dreams weren't feasible when he denied the fact that
he loved Lance and if Lance asked him at that moment, Bryce would marry him.
  Just because he was Lance.  And it was Lance that declared they were
strong enough.  So why would Bryce fight it?  "But that's all hypothetical,
right?  It's not like you've been dreaming about this all the time, hoping
that when the time comes, I'll ask the question and we'll be so in love that
when we raise a little boy or girl, they'll know that even though they have
two fathers, we can be the best parents that child has ever had.  These are
just thoughts, right?" Lance asked, teasing his lover with his tone and his
eyes.  Bryce blushed heavily, nervously chewing on the corner of his bottom
lip.  "Jamesy... if I tell you my dreams, they may never come true." Bryce
whispered sweetly, his innocence attracting Lance even more.  And that same
innocence made Lance pray that their relationship made it to the level that
they both dreamed of.
		Justin watched Brian with disgruntlement varnishing his deep blue eyes.
His husband continued to poke at his chicken with his fork, occasionally
scrapping pieces of rice and vegetables to the side.  Justin leaned closer
to Brian, holding back a sigh.  "What's bothering you?" Justin asked
quietly, lifting a hand and resting it on top of Brian's, preventing him
from playing with the food.  "Nothing." Brian replied lowly.  His tone was
not very convincing.  "Don't lie to me." Justin said immediately, predicting
his husband's response.  Brian raised his eyes, slightly embarrassed.  His
husband knew him too well.  "We're here to have a good time with them.
Don't worry about the way I'm acting." Brian suggested, his eyes polished
with discomfort.  Justin shook his head, rubbing his fingers along Brian's
knuckles.  "My intentions tonight were to get out with Lance and Chris to
spend time with them and their significant others, but I also wanted to have
a good time with my husband.  It's obvious you're not having a good time and
I'm not having a good time if you're not." Justin said, his voice dropping
an octive lower.  Brian let a frown play with his lips as he gazed into
Justin's eyes.  The sincerity left me speechless and he had to look away.
"Those are some wonderful intentions Justin." Brian whispered, losing his
confidence.
		Justin finally released the sigh, disturbed by Brian's behavior.  He drew
a heart with his index finger on the back of Brian's hand, wanting to
surpress Brian's despondency.  "Forget my intentions and tell me what's
bothering you baby." Justin requested.  Brian licked his lips and gradually
lifted his eyes again.  "Baby, my intentions, right now, are to kiss you."
Brian said softly, turning his hand to encapture Justin's.  He interweaved
their fingers, brushing his palm against Justin's.
		Justin nibbled his lower lip, blushing.  The statement couldn't have been
anymore romantic, to him.  "But only if you stop asking what's wrong.  I'll
be better about being here and forget about what's on my mind if you promise
to have a good time." Brian added.  The hopelessness in his eyes brought
back that weak feeling in Justin.  The promise was a lot to ask of Justin.
If something bothered Brian, it bothered Justin.  He couldn't help it.  He
loved Brian too much to leave him wallowing in depression.
		A protest formed on Justin's lips, but he held it.  Seeing the plea in
Brian's eyes only brought back the innocent love they shared.  "Promise
you'll tell me sometime." Justin asked of his husband.  Brian gave him a
quiet smile and nodded.  Justin giggle quietly before leaning closer to
Brian.  He felt Brian's fingers smooth across his face before Brian's soft
lips were crushing against his own, tasting him and showing him the way to a
calmer place in their love.
		"Hey, is that Howie over there?" Chris wondered, producing a reason for
Brian and Justin to end their slow, romantic kiss.  Justin turned his eyes
in the direction of Chris' words, searching the area for a glimpse of the
Backstreet Boy.  He was there, sitting in a corner of the restaurant with a
woman across from him.  Justin peered through the passing waiters to get a
clear focus of the woman.  Danay Ferrer, Justin's friend and member of
Innosense, sat across from Howie with a flirtatious smile.  She looked
angelic and Howie could not have been anymore handsome at the moment.
"Yeah, that's D." Brian agreed, catching a glimpse of his friend.  "And
that's our D." Lance remarked, staring at Danay with mild disbelief.
		The couples sat in a still silence, all curiously staring at Howie and
Danay sitting together sharing a romantic moment.  It was too secretive.
Why weren't they like the others, telling all of their friends of the
romance they were sharing?  What was there to hide?  Chris had to know.  In
a way, he felt he deserved to know because of his alliance to both, but he
knew he would be overstepping his boundaries.  He kept his romance with
Meelah secretive for some time, only revealing to JC and Joey of his love
for Meelah.  'They both need this, though.  So maybe I can help out?' Chris
thought, tapping his fingers along the table.
		"I've gotta go say something." Chris said urgently, briskly standing from
his chair.  A few gasps parted through lips as Chris adjusted his suit
jacket.  He combed his fingers through his spiky hair and cleared his
throat.  "Chris, I don't think you should." Lance advised, watching as his
friend straightened his tie.  "That's probably why I didn't ask you Lance."
Chris grinned, taking a quick glance at his wife.  He shot her an arrogant
smirk, winking toward her.  "Stay out of trouble Christopher." Meelah
requested.  Chris gladly nodded before smiling at his friends.  "I'll tell
them you send your love." Chris chimed before walking away from the table,
his head high and his agenda set.
		Cautious and quiet, Chris found his way to the side of Howie and Danay's
table, making him appearance known by clearing his throat and tapping his
fingers along their table.  Howie's eyes immediately glanced over the glass
he drank from to their intruder and swallowed quickly, almost choking on his
water.  Danay quickly glanced up from her slice of cheesecake, first looking
at Howie and then Chris.  She ducked her head, hiding her eyes shyly.
"Orlando must be kind of small.  To think that you two could end up at the
same restaurant, together, as myself, my wife, Lance, Bryce, Brian, and
Justin." Chris boasted, leaning on their table, his eyes dividing their
focus between the two.
		Danay sighed softly, pushing her plate forward and glancing past Chris.
She could see all of her friends watching her and it only made her position
even more awkward.  "They're all here?" Howie questioned Chris, placing his
glass on the table.  Chris nodded proudly, his head motioning in the
direction of his waiting friends.  Howie swore under his breath, gripping a
satin napkin between his fingers while glancing over to Danay.  She lowered
her brow and her brown eyes showed small signs of distress.  He cursed
again.
		They didn't want to be caught.  They did not want their secret romance to
become a continuous gossip topic for their friends as so many of the other
romances had.  They only wanted to feel out their feelings and see if love
did exist between the two.  How could they do that now?
		Howie forced himself to pull his focal point from Danay to focus on Chris.
  "Chris, I don't mean to be rude, but me and Danay are on a date right now.
  And since it's only our third date, we'd appreciate it if you'd let us try
and enjoy it before you go back and tell everyone." Howie said, his voice
thick with annoyance.  Chris raised his brow, a suspicious gleam in his
face.  He shyed back from the table, folding his arms while studying the
two.  Howie furrowed his brow, laying an arm on the table to hold Danay's
hand in his own.  Chris squinted his eyes, watching as Howie manipulated his
fingers over the skin of Danay's hand.  There was something there that
prevailed friendship.  "Forgive me, I didn't meant to interrupt you two.
I'll keep this to myself.  I'll let you guys tell anyone if you want to tell
them you're on a date." Chris said, taking a few more steps back.  Danay
smiled toward Chris, her face filled with gratitude.  "Thanks Chris.  We
appreciate it." Danay said, her voice soft, but sincere.  Chris nodded,
spinning on his heels and moving in the direction of his table, leaving
Howie and Danay to discover what they shared.

	There's no life in love
	When love's not inside of you
	There's no soul in your heart
	When your heart doesn't know what to do
	So look me in the eyes
	And tell me we're not falling apart
	Cause I'm falling
	Falling too far from your heart...
	Yeah, yeah

		He bobbed his head, tapped his foot, and snapped his fingers listening to
the rock-pop-oriented instrumental flooding his headset.  He considered
adding one last ad-lib to the mix, but withdrew, permitting the melody to
flow freely.  He found it pointless.  The song was impressive without added
croons from him.  His voice on the verses and the chorus was enough.
		"Okay, Nick, we're going to cut it right there." Jive Jones, the producer,
announced to Nick.  Nick removed his headphones, looking up with a lofty
smile.  He nodded, leaning on the riser in front of him.  "I think that was
a nice take." Nick said into the microphone.  Jive nodded, jotting down
notes as Nick spoke.  "We'll do some playbacks and decide if we need to add
some alterations here and there in a little bit.  So you can take a break."
Jive informed him, looking up with his bright blue eyes.  Nick nodded again,
removing his headset.  He laid it on the riser and adjusted his attire.
		Nick took a quick look around the studio booth, taking in the atmosphere.
He was alone, solo.  There was not four other Backstreet Boys waiting to add
their vocals to the mix of the song.  The song written for Nick wasn't even
a song the Backstreet Boys would record.  'It's too Rock 'n Roll for them.'
Nick giggled to himself.  He took a step back, sighing quietly.  'It's just
going to be me and you for a couple of months.' Nick thought to himself,
referring to the studio he had booked for four months to record a majority
of his solo effort.  'And a couple of producers... including my husband.'
Nick grinned, walking toward the exit of the sound booth.  He ran his eyes
to the couch in the studio.  An old, rundown couch sat near the corner,
everything about it slightly unattractive.  'I bet me and Josh could make
beautiful music on that couch.  Late nights, a little alcohol, a lot of
moaning and fucking.' Nick gleamed, examining the definition of the couch.
The thought sent a burning desire to Nick's lower body and his face began to
flush.
		Nick's musings began to fade when a familiar face walked past the studio
door.  His eyes lingered on her for a second as she slowly walked down the
hallway.  He ran his fingers over his semi-spiky hair, his brow wrinkling
and his blue eyes beginning to squint.  He did not expect her to be there.
In fact, he did not want her to be there.
		"Nikki." the voice calling her left her still.  She felt her blood turn
cold and a sharp pain shot through her head.  She sighed heavily, licking
her glossy lips and pushing a few stray strands of hair behind her ear.  The
sound of his heavy footsteps advancing toward her caused her to spin on her
heels to face him, her mind full of angst toward the man.
		Nikki fumbled an unconvincing smile for him, waiting for him to speak
first.  She felt no obligation to say anything.  And then she looked into
his eyes, Nikki only saw nonsense.  There was no reason for her to stand
there, only to be ridiculed by his glares and his furrowing brow.  "Nikki."
he said again, his iry blue eyes holding Nikki in a state of anger.  "Nick."
she sighed out, crossing her arms and awaiting more from him.  More than
just her name.  More than just this foolish stare that only meant bullshit
to Nikki.
		"Why are you here Nikki?  I didn't think Innosense was recording a new
album for a couple of more months." Nick wondered, his curious grin making
the acids in Nikki's stomach boil.  "We're not.  Nott hat you should worry
about it, but I'm here recording a song with Amanda for her album.  We just
wrapped up recording some vocals on it and I was about to go make a few
calls." Nikki responded, her voice a drawling hiss that only brightened
Nick's smile.  He knew there was tension between the two and he fed on it.
He had won JC's love and attention.  He was married to JC, not Lance, not
Justin, and definitely not Nikki.  "Oh, well I'm just here recording some
tracks for my album.  Hopefully Josh will stop by and take a listen.  I'm
working on a song just for him." Nick beamed, his bragging endless and
highly sweetened.  It was sickening to Nikki, but she did not let it show.
She refused to let Nick win another war.
		Nikki nibbled on her lower lip, glancing around the almost empty hall.
She had nothing important to say to Nick.  She wanted to end the
conversation there, but her eyes caught Nick's and she could see he wasn't
moving.  She tapped her foot to a beat in her head, trying to avoid the
looks he gave her.  "So... who are you working with today?" Nikki asked with
little interest in her wandering voice.  She cocked her head to the side,
raising her brow while waiting on at least one word to fall off his lips.
"Nobody you'd know.  His name's Jive Jones." Nick replied wearisomely,
flicking his wrist to emphasis his careless attitude.  'Bastard.' Nikki
thought before the name registered in her mind.  Jive Jones.  Jive fucking
Jones.  Jive, as in Veronica's ex-boyfriend.  "Jive's here?  Working with
you?" Nikki asked, her voice coarse and immediate.  Nick sighed, rolling his
eyes.  He pulled his fingers through his hair, an immediate wrinkle forming
in his brow.  "Ya know him?" Nick asked, his intrest peaked by her contorted
expression.  Nikki, as much as she wanted to scream, only nodded.  Nick
arched his brow, searching for a more vocal response.  "Nick, he wrote and
produced two songs for Innosense's album.  My God, he used to be Veronica's
boyfriend." Nikki pointed out, baffled by Nick's unawareness.  Nick smiled
lightly, a gratifying glimmer in his lean blue eyes.  He snorted quietly,
scuffing his feet against the ground.  "Well, I hope he writes better
material for my album than he did for Innosense.  I'd like my album to go
somewhere." Nick remarked, his continual attempt to scorn Nikki proving
effective.  "Like the trash?" Nikki snapped back, a response Nick was
unprepared for.  He scratched the back of his head, striving to hold his
smug grin.
		"Honestly, Nick, if you have a problem with me, don't take it out on
Innosense." Nikki requested, brushing a few locks of her hair back.  She was
losing that stiff stature she held with Nick, hoping to remain civil for
just a moment.  Nick cleared his throat, his lids lowering as he let the
incensed blaze ignite in his eyes.  "And tell me Nikki, what is my problem
with you?" Nick questioned her, his voice hissing.  "Your husband.  You have
a problem with what me and your husband share.  You have a problem that Josh
spent nights at my house instead of yours.  You don't like that at times,
even you can tell that he's unsure who he's in love with.  And you don't
like that I still have feelings for your husband and that he still has
feelings for me." Nikki stated matter-of-factly.  She was not one for
revealing her feelings when they were questioned one-on-one.  That fire
rumbling in Nick's eyes did not faze her.  Like the wind, she didn't care if
it came and went, as long as it didn't attempt to mess with her day.
"Aren't you Miss fucking Peach of America?  How come you think my baby still
loves you?  I'm wearing the ring, not you.  Obviously if he cared enough
about you, Joshua would be the first to take this ring off of me and put it
on your sweet little ass." Nick responded, the young voice he owned tainted
with resentment.
		Nikki immediately rolled her eyes with a small laugh.  She was confident.
"I don't know or care what Josh's reasons are for still being with you.
After Vegas, I knew where I was headed and that was away from your man.  But
you nor me nor Josh can ignore that there are feelings between me and him.
It's plain and it's simple.  I'm not going to swell on it anymore because
I'm not a harlot looking to breakup a marriage and you're relentless when it
comes to the men you want... like Brian." Nikki declared, her voice raised
but calm.  Nick's eyes blinked open wider, his dissatisfcation evident.  She
had hit a sore spot.  She went for the throat and grabbed a hold of it,
leaving Nick struggling to breathe.  "You have no right to bring him into
this.  The things shared between me and Brian were... were..." Nick lost his
words.  Did he really know anymore what was between Brian and himself?  Was
it there or was it gone?  "Were another one of your attempts to keep what
you think is yours.  And the only way you know to keep it is with sex, Nick.
  That's sad.  I'd try to help you find someone good for you if you weren't
such a dick looking to get some dick." Nikki asserted before Nick could find
his words.  Once again, she got the best of him.  She left him in a place he
could not escape from him.
		"You won't get him, Nikki." Nick affirmed.  It was all he could say.  "I'm
not trying to get him." Nikki responded shortly.  "His heart is mine." Nick
added, his voice cracking.  He was near defeat.  For once, Nikki was the one
breaking Nick down.  "No, his dick is yours.  His heart belongs to someone
else." Nikki finally said, turning from Nick and slowly walking away.
That's all she had to do.  She only had to walk away to leave Nick shaken
and disturbed.  There was nothing left to be said, only actions to be taken.
		The pen scribbled across the notepad sitting on the engineering board.
Her fingers worked the pen to craft the final words to a lyric that raced
through her head as she hummed a melody softly.  From the first listen, she
knew the tune would work perfectly with a group of lyrics she had been
tinkering with, but it still needed reworking.  She didn't care.  She was up
to it.  She would work in the studio all day if she had to, just to get this
one song done.
		She licked her lips, debating on whether or not to rework one word in the
song while tapping her lengthy nails on the mixing board.  She sighed and
tapped her pen on the paper, glancing up to look inside the recording booth.
  'I should be in there.  Even though I just spent an hour recording that
last song, I should be in there right now.  I could have at least one song
done by today.' she told herself.  She unconsciously sketched a heart on the
paper and wrote a name in it.  His name had been in her head for most of the
day.  The man she was in love with.  She smiled to herself.  The name looked
good in her heart.  The name flowed well off her tongue and when she
recorded any love song, the name always kept the lyrics she sang true.
		"Aren't you supposed to be in here recording and not doodling?" his voice
asked her, surprising her.  She peeked up from her notebook and spun around
in her chair, her eyes brightened with the life of love.  His trademark grin
greeted her and she felt her heart do that funny little skip it did when he
smiled at her in a loving way.  He leaned in the doorway of the production
booth, never too far in or out.  "What are you doing here?" she asked, her
voice raised with exclaimnation.  His hand immediately lifted and he covered
his mouth with a finger, signalling for her to silence her voice.  She
leaned back in the chair with confusion rimming her eyes.  "Amaiya's
sleeping, Amanda." he informed her in a soft voice, finally stepping inside
of the booth.  He held a carseat with the sleeping child under one arm and a
baby bag hung off the other.
		Amanda's blushing blue eyes lit up as he stepped inside, his feet light as
he carried their daughter to a corner of the room.  He placed the carseat
down on the couch in the corner of the room, making sure his daughter was
still comfortable in her sleep.  The bag bap drapped off of his other arm
and he pulled his arm from the straps, attending to Amaiya.
		"AJ, how long as she been sleep?" Amanda asked with a whisper, standing
from her chair, taking graceful steps over to her husband.  AJ stood up,
stretching his arms from mild exhaustion.  "She fell asleep on the car ride
here." he replied, scratching his beard.  He removed his dark sunglasses
with his nimble fingers and dropped them onto the couch, letting them
carelessly fall next to the baby bag.  He turned to his wife, her features
still as beautiful as the day he met her.  He examined her crimpy black
hair, her dancing blue eyes, her immense smile, and the paleness in her skin
that was highlighted by the blush on her cheeks.  He sighed, a pityful smile
grace his own thick lips.  "Hey baby." he said, laying a brief kiss on
Amanda's cheek and moving over to the engineering board.  Amanda felt the
smile on her lips die instantly.  'That's it?' she thought, glancing back to
AJ as he took a seat in her chair, leaving his back to her.  She sighed,
pulling a hand through her hair, fluffing it.  She couldn't think about her
husband's moodiness right now.  She had music to record, ideas to run by
producers, but most importantly, she had a child to admire.
		"Hey Panda... what are these lyrics?  They don't seem too country to me."
AJ wondered as Amanda ran a hand over Amaiya's soft black hair.  Amanda
turned to her husband, a charming grin on her lips.  "Alex, I told you
already.  When I signed with J Records, Clive liked the R&B material on my
demo more than my Country Pop stuff.  So we agreed that I should do a pure
R&B album instead of trying to be th next LeAnn Rimes." Amanda replied,
strutting over to AJ.  AJ made a small noise, almost as if he was speaking,
but none of the words came out clear.  It was a ramble.  It was a sign of
his disapproval, but Amanda ignored it.  She found a way to the front of the
chair, finding a seat in her husband's lap, leaning to one side to let him
finish his review of the lyrics.  "Like my doodle?" Amanda wondered, her
voice liquored with sweetness as she pointed toward her heart drawing at the
top of the page.  She watched AJ's eyes briefly glance at the drawing before
returning to the lyrics.  "Cute." was his dead response.  It brought a sigh
from Amanda, one that was filled with disgust.
		Amanda leaned across the board as her husband continued to read.  She
fiddled with a few of the nobs on the board, adjusting the volume that fed
into the booth.  She chewed on her lower lip while trying to cue a track.
She watched the digitalized numbers flicker by as she searched for a
particular setting.  "Who wrote this?  These words don't seem like yours."
AJ conjectured, lifting the notebook from the board to get a closer look at
the writing.  Amanda rolled her eyes, stopping the track.  She kept a hand
on the board while her other reached back and snatched the notebook from her
husband's rough hands.  "I wrote those lyrics, baby.  Now please just listen
to this song we've been working on." Amanda requested, clicking the button
to cue the song.  AJ sighed heavily, crossing his arms and leaning back in
the chair.  "I think it's great and it may be good enough to be the first
single." Amanda added, adjusting the volume once more.  She glanced back
with a grin, her eyes catching a glimpse of AJ's less-than-thrilled voice.
The song had not even graced the speakers before Amanda felt AJ's
disapproval.

	He walked out and it was his bad
	Can't say a thing cause I won't take him back
	So don't fret and wonder where he's at
	Just concentrate on what you have
	Don't worry about him gettin' me
	He had his chance and I won't repeat
	So don't fret and wonder about him and me
	Just concentrate on lovin' me
	[You talk too much]
	[Show me what you want]

	So it doesn't matter if he calls me
	Celly, pager or even at home
	I ain't tryin' to repeat things
	He made a mistake testin' my love...

		Amanda decreased the volume of the track, letting it fade from the
speakers.  With a few bottons pushed, the song stopped playing completely
and Amanda turned to search for her husband's approval.  She was fortunate
enough to find life in his large brown eyes.  "What did you think?" Amanda
pondered, her hopes never reaching above sea level.  She stared into those
insensible brown eyes and could see that only thoughts of discontentment
raced through his mind.  "It doesn't sound like you.  It sounds like someone
hard, tough... someone not you." AJ replied, pulling his eyes from her view.
  "But it is me.  I think it's hot.  I know Clive will think it's hot and
it's just the beginning." Amanda insisted, attempting to keep her faith in
the quality of her music.  It was a hard thing to accomplish when the one
man she depended on support from took an opposing view on her music.  She
wanted to go to him, seek his guidance, his wise words about the industry.
He knew it all.  He had to.  He had been in the industry since forever.
		"This is the beginning of what Amanda?  Your rise to the top?  It's not
that easy.  People know you as this girl from Innosense who left to marry a
Backstreet Boy and now you want to put yourself out there in the R&B genre.
You're not a Sisqo or a Pink or a 702 or even Whitney Houston.  There has to
be appeal and solid new music." AJ pointed out, his voice raspy but thick
with discouragment.  Maybe, somewhere, he thought he was providing her with
good advice, but that wasn't the case.  There wasn't concern in that advice.
		Amanda briskly stood from her position in his lap, scooting aside and away
from him.  She drug her fingers through her hair, sighing dramatically.  Her
hands laid on the mixing board and she leaned over, lowering her head.  Her
crisp blue eyes looked into the studio booth.  An escape, possibly.  "Are
you saying I have no appeal AJ?  Areyou saying what you just heard isn't
good music?" she asked, knowing she would not receive a decent response.
Just silence, a typical move by AJ.  "I may be known as that girl Amanda who
left Innosense to marry a Backstreet Boy, but that image will die down when
people give my music a listen and see who I really am." Amanda brooded.  She
leaned off of the mixing board, standing straight before folding her arms
and turning to AJ.  She wanted a decent response.  He had something to say,
she could tell, and she wanted a reason to listen to him.
		AJ leaned forward in the chair, his brow furrowed and his eyes staring
darkly at the notepad.  "You don't get many second impressions in the music
business." AJ noted.  "When did I make my first impression?" Amanda asked
briskly, her voice wrapped in anger.  AJ grumbled under his breath, rubbing
his temples with his forefingers.  'What am I getting myself into?' he
wondered mentally.  He ran his hands over his face, trying not to lose his
focus.  "Look, Amanda, I think you'd do much better in the Country-Pop
category than you would in the R&B side.  I also think you need to realize
what you're doing when you get into this business." AJ advised, lifting his
body from the chair.  He shifted around the chair, moving in the direction
of his resting daughter.  "And what's that Alex?  What am I getting into
that you haven't already gotten into?" Amanda wondered bitterly.  AJ flicked
his hand up, waving her off as he approached Amaiya.  "A lot of shit." he
said lowly, leaning down to get a closer glance at Amaiya.  "What?" Amanda
asked, her tone spiteful.  "Nothing.  Jesus, can't you just leave it at
that?" AJ retorted, his voice raised.
		Amanda uncrossed her arms, straightening her tight black sweater while
watching her husband stand.  She waited until he was away from Amaiya before
finally saying, "Why are you here AJ?  You obviously didn't come down here
to help me with my album."  AJ rolled his eyes promptly, sliding his hands
into his pockets.  He leaned against the engineering board, his lips twisted
in an unfavorable fashion.  "I wanted Amaiya to see her mother, the mother
she hasn't since for more than a couple of hours for the past week." AJ
replied dimly, his voice devoid of care.  Amanda groaned loudly, tossing her
arms into the arm.  She could not be the burden of guilt, not after the time
she had spent with her daughter when AJ was not there.  She refused to be
that victim.  "Don't hand me that crap Alex.  I've been there a million
times when you were not." Amanda declared, still firm with her tone.  AJ
sighed a long exhale, his brow wrinkling again.  "Please throw that in my
face again Amanda.  Please let the world know once again how great of a
mother you are and how I'm so wrapped up in me because I'm sure not everyone
has heard that one enough." AJ gripped, turning his head toward her.  Amanda
peered at him with bitter eyes.  "You'd love for me to do that, but I'm not
going to be that stupid.  You want a reason to be the number one father in
the world." Amanda hissed.  "Oh, don't put that shit on me." AJ requested
heartlessly.  "Thank you for bringing my baby to see me, but since you have
no other reason to be here, maybe you should leave." Amanda said quickly,
turning her head from him.  She couldn't look at him anymore.
		AJ sighed a little quieter.  He looked at his wife sharply, as if there
was something to say, but he never quite got it out.  Maybe that was the
problem all along?  Never quite saying what he should've.  "When are you
coming home?" AJ asked, his voice low and timid.  Amanda flicked her wrist,
taking a long look at her watch.  "I probably won't get home until around
eight, maybe close to nine." Amanda replied, her voice dropping a few
octives to accompany AJ's new tone.  "Close to nine?!  Jesus, Amanda, what
about Amaiya?  What?  We have to have another dinner without you?" AJ
boasted his questions, his voice returning to a loud, angry rattle.  Just
possibly, it was his problem.
		Amanda threw her hands on her hips, her frustration bright.  "We can have
a late dinner.  Damn, it's not that late." Amanda snapped back with an
equally raised voice.  "Amaiya gets to be by eight.  She won't even get to
see you." AJ brooded.  His dark eyes gave Amanda no rest.  He knew it.  He
knew how to pull at her most sensitive strings.  "What about the times she
never saw you?  What about the times you got back from the studio at two in
the morning?  You act as if you didn't start this trend.  You and your
Backstreet shit has placed me and Amaiya alone millions of times." Amanda
hollered back.  AJ was never prepared for her responses.  They always varied
and were always the best argument.  Yet, his stubborness was his downfall.
		"That Backstreet shit brings in a steady paycheck.  What the hell is this
bringing in?" AJ questioned, slamming a closed fist onto the notebook.  AJ
lowered his lids with vengeful intentions.  He didn't want to lose the
argument.
		"God, AJ can't I have a career?  What the hell is wrong with me being a
singer?" Amanda asked the question that had haunted her for months.  Each
time she argued with her husband, it involved a piece of her choice to be a
solo artist.
		"Because you're a mother.  You're a wife.  You don't need this." AJ
insisted.  Amanda groaned again.  There was no winning.  There was no such
thing between them.  "Man, you're such a hypocritical bastard.  How could
you even say that?" Amanda hissed, caring little for her husband's feelings.
		"You know what?  Fuck it.  I'm out of here.  I want to get my daughter
home before she wakes up and realizes that her mother isn't coming home
right away to see her." AJ stated in spite, briskly leaning off of the
engineering board.  He took large steps to get to where the car seat rested.
  "You're such an asshole." Amanda gripped, turning her back on AJ.  "You
married this asshole." AJ remarked, lifting his things and scooted toward
the door.  Amanda listened to the wind brreze as the door swung open and
slowly began to swing close, leaving her alone in the production booth to
contemplate what her musical career meant to her.
		She hated him.  She loathed him.  She could not bare the sound of his name
at the moment.  Still, deep down, she felt her heart wanting to be with him.
  But she hated him so much right now.
		She violently tucked clothes into a duffle bag, her mind blistering with
thoughts of her boyfriend's treachery.  The vociferously loud music blared
through the room, the lyrics speaking her anger for her.  She pushed a few
of her fallen strands of hair behind her ear while using the other hand to
throw a make-up kit into the bag.  She was staying, not for one more hour.
She slept on the couch the night before.  She was scared to sleep in the
bed, fearing that was the place her boyfriend betrayed their love.  Even
looking at the bed where assorted pairs of her clothes laid, she felt a
lurch in her stomach and her mind ache.
		The music stopped.  She lifted her head and turned it, expecting to see
Felicia waiting for her at the door.  It wasn't Felicia and it wasn't
Rubbles.  It was Joey and it was anger rumbling in her heart.  "Brit...
you're back." Joey said softly, shutting off the stereo.  Britney turned her
head away from him.  She continued to toss clothes into the bag, a fury
inside of her that could not easily be calmed.  "Why didn't you call me and
tell me you were back home?" Joey asked, taking full steps into his bedroom.
  Britney did not respond and Joey could feel her anger from afar.  "I
would've come home last night because we wrapped up shooting early." Joey
added, cautiously moving closer to Britney.  He laid a hand on her shoulder,
the stiffness worrying Joey.  He massaged her skin with his fingers, hoping
his gentle touches would pull a few loving words from her.  It didn't.
		Suddenly, Joey could feel he wasn't welcomed near his girlfriend.
Something about her coldness caused him to lower his brow and pout.  "Where
are you going?  I thought you didn't have to leave for Sweden until after
Valentine's Day?" Joey asked in a quiet voice, still rubbing Britney's
shoulder.  Britney pulled away roughly.  She scooted from in front of Joey,
gathering together a few articles of clothing.  Joey quickly placed a hand
on her hip, trying to pull her back.  "What's wrong Britney?  You know I'm
not Kleo, so I can't read minds." Joey said, his tone almost demanding.
Britney failed to respond.  She couldn't remember what hurt her the most
anymore.  It was everything.  Everything about Joey was hurting her.
		"Do you even remember her name?" Britney finally asked him, her head
barely rotating in his direction.  Joey arched an eyebrow, his face morphing
into a perplex expression.  He picked at the sleeve of his shirt, concealing
his worried thoughts while glaring at her.  "Her?  Who?" he inquired,
dumbfounded by her question.  Britney shook her head.  She saw through him.
Hell, she could sense his nervousness without even looking at him.  He had
something to hide and she hated him for it.
		Britney cleared her throat before slapping Joey's hand off of her hip.
She walked further away from him, gathering the last of her clothes from the
bed.  "You know... I would've paged you, but Kelly beat me to it." Britney
stated, her voice striving to be careless, but anyone within an earshot
could hear the tears in her voice.  "What?" Joy asked, a roughness in his
voice.  He was becoming defensive.  Dropping his hands to his sides, he
marched toward Britney, but Britney avoided him, slipping by him to reach
for her duffel bag.  "So I'm guessing you don't remember her name or the
fact that she left her shirt here.  Oh, by the way, Kelly wants her shirt
back too." Britney said, shoving the clothes inside of the duffle bag,
pressing them down to make room for one more item.  Joey snatched Britney's
wrist up in his hand, causing her to turn around and eye him evily.  "What
are you talking about Britney?  How do you know if Kelly paged me?" Joey
asked her, a rolling hiss in his voice.
		Britney yanked herself from Joey's grip, her eyes still peering at him.
Her upper lip curled and she curled her hands into fists.  "I checked your
pager when she paged you with her cute little message." Britney answered his
question spitefully.  She turned away from him again, closing up the duffel
bag, the obvious fear and anger rattling her.  "You checked my page?  Damn
it, did you read all of my pages?  I mean, you should've if you're that damn
insecure about us." Joey barked at her, his wrath radiating from his tense
figure.  It hurt to hear his voice that taut and angered, but it wasn't as
bad as reading the message that Kelly left.  It would never be that bad.
		Britney twisted her lips, tears beating at her eyes.  She lifted the
duffel bag and then dropped it on the floor.  "How the fuck can I not be
insecure about us when I find some bitch's shirt in the laundry and then an
open condom wrapped in the trash?  Did you expect me to take it with a grain
of salt and not put it all together?" Britney asked her boyfriend, her voice
swallowed by her unshed tears.  "I can't believe this shit." Joey groaned,
stepping away from Britney.  He laid his hand over his closed eyes, tilting
his head back with shallow breaths.
		"Who is she?  What does she mean to you?" Britney inquired, turning around
to look at him.  Joey shook his head, lowering his hand.  He swallowed hard,
holding his eyes tightly closed.  "She's a mutual friend of my brother's.
He introduced me to her at the club... while you were gone.  She was a
really cool girl and we got along, that's it.  It's not like I fell in love
with her or even had feelings for her." Joey explained.  He blinked his eyes
open.  He was man enough to look her in the eyes, to look into her face and
feel her dissatisfaction.  He wasn't man enough to handle seeing her hurt.
That look in her eyes spoke a voice that sounded just like his conscience.
		"Did you sleep with her?" Britney asked, her voice shrill and choked up
with tears.  As hard as she tried not to, the tears fell.  She wasn't a
survivor.  The pressure was becoming too much for her.  "It didn't mean
anything." Joey blurted out, hoping to win over some form of approval from
his crying girlfriend.  "Did you fuck her?" Britney bluntly queried, her
voice too hard to soften for him.  Joey sighed longly, tears building up in
his own eyes.  Guilty.  The way it surrounded his mouth, pulled out a pout,
and darkened his expression left Britney with no other words for him.
"God... yes, is that what you need to hear?  Do you need to hear me say that
I fucked Kelly on this bed while you were gone?  Because if that's all I
need to say to get back the Britney I know and love, I will shout it out to
every fucking person that lives on this street." Joey pleaded, reaching for
Britney with hopeful hands.  The hands were appealing to Britney.  At one
time, they did mean hope and promise.  Now, Britney could imagine where they
were on her body, what they did to her and how they made her scream that
night.  She didn't want those hands on her after they had been on Kelly.
		Britney lifted her duffle bag, shaking her head with disappointment.  Her
tears only dripped now, the pain finally giving way to acceptance.
"Britney..." Joey's soft, drawn out voice called to her as she tossed the
duffle bag over her shoulder.  Britney sniffled quietly, taking small steps
toward the door.  She passed the outstretched hands, avoiding direct contact
with Joey.  "Please Britney." Joey begged, beginning to follow her.
Shaprly, quickly, Britney spun around and her fist slammed into Joey's jaw,
causing him to stumble back.  Britney hissed lowly, drawing her throbbing
hand down.  She sighed, watching Joey lean onto the bed for support, his
hand craddling his cheek and his eyes wide.  No words and not a drop of care
could hold her now.  She continued her walk and left the room, shortly
leaving the house and leaving her romance with Joey somewhere in Orlando.
		It was drawing close to midnight, so close to Valentine's Day.  The air
was ripe with brewing love, love that was supposed to change the hearts of
men and weaken the barriers of women.  It was possible.  At least, Howie
thought so.  Standing outside of Nikki's apartment with Danay, he could see
things a little more optimistically.  He could not have been more thankful
for finally talking with Danay, being around her, and seeing what he had
passed up over a year ago.  What would his world be like without this?
Nothing new, nothing real for him.  Even watching Danay search for keys in
her purse left Howie unsettled.  This emotion rushing over him was unseen
and unfelt for years.
		"Danay." Howie whispered, laying a hand on her arm.  Danay glanced up,
pulling the keys from her purse.  She batted her eyes and then smiled
lightly, taking in that glimmer in Howie's eyes.  "I don't know about you,
but... after four dates, I feel like there's a lot of chemistry.  A lot of
something I'd like to have around for awhile." Howie stated, his voice
filled with apprehension.  Danay giggled quietly.  She had never seen such a
bashful side of Howie and it attracted her even more.  "What are you saying
Howie?" she asked, turning a little to place the keys in the door.  Howie
wrapped his hand around her arm, rubbing his thumb over her skin while
trying to pull her back.  She couldn't disappear that door just yet.  He
wouldn't settle for a peck on the cheek and a farewell like he had the
previous nights.
		Danay turned her head, looking back at Howie.  Inside of his eyes, it was
there, but she couldn't tolerate that.  She needed to hear it from him.  She
was tired of almost having it.  Now she needed a clear definition and a
vocal reassurance.  "I'm saying I don't want these to be just dates between
friends." Howie said.  Danay arched an eyebrow, unsatiated with his reply.
"Which means?" Danay questioned.  She wouldn't settle; she needed a
declaration.
		Howie swallowed hard, his nervousness adding to the glow of his smile.  It
was like being a virgin all over again, the senses and the feelings
overrunning him.  "It means I want you to be my girlfriend and I'd like to
be your boyfriend.  I'd like to be exclusive... I want to be a couple."
Howie stated, his voice softening toward the end.  Howie watched her hoping
his words helped to explain his heart.  But that's all he had to say.  It
was all he ever had to say to her.  Just those words earned Howie the kiss
Danay laid upon his lips, agreeing to his request with her lips.  And when
Danay pulled back, the moonlight filling her eyes with reflective love,
Howie kept his loving smile.  "I'm sayin' I love you." he softly sang to
her, rubbing his cheek while admiring her beauty.
		Nikki laid a cup of steaming tea in front of her moping friend, her eyes
watching the way her friend's head drooped and the way she held her knees
pulled up to her chest.  Nikki sighed, pushing her own hair behind her
shoulders as she strolled to the seat across from her friend.  "It hurts
really bad, doesn't it Brit?" Nikki asked, crossing her legs and leaning
over her own cup of hot tea.
		Britney sniffled quietly, flicking a few strands of her hair behind her
ear.  She let one arm lay on the table, her hand touching her cup of tea.
Still hot.  "I don't know how you did it Nikki.  If I saw Joey laying in the
bed with Leighanne..." Britney stopped herself, tears poking her eyes.  She
closed her eyes, allowing the tears to slip down her cheek.  She sniffled a
little quiet before giggling.  "If I saw anyone in the bed with Leighanne,
I'd kill the bitch." Britney joked, batting open her eyes, her lashes
pulling apart tears.  Nikki laughed with her, taking a quick sip of her tea.
  "To think, it's been over a year and I still can't forgive either of
them." Nikki admitted, her laughter bowing to her indifference.  Britney
lifted her cup, blowing away some of the steam.  "It's understanable Nik'.
Everyone knows you and Kevin were pretty serious and for him to cheat on
you... we know it was hard.  We all thought you and Kevin would be married
soon." Britney commented, taking a brisk sip of the burning tea.  Nikki
nodded, chewing her lower lip.  "We thought the same thing about you and
Joey.  I mean, it's been over two years for you two." Nikki noted, staring
into her cup, watching the steam rise and the tea settle.  Britney sniffled
again, turning her eyes from the cup as burning tears began to trouble her
once more.  She too had that dream at one time.
		"But my love is all I have to give..." Danay crooned as she barely pushed
the door open and slid inside.  A smile was plastered on her lips and her
eyes were twinkling with the bright light of love.  Eyes fell on her
immediately as she goofily walked toward Britney and Nikki, twitching her
hips and twirling her purse like a 1920s swing dancer.  She sighed happily,
flopping down in the seat next to Nikki, smiling toward both women.  Where
was that buzzing grin coming from?  Nikki and Britney couldn't decide
instantly, but they had only a small range of options.
		"Oh God, this is how it starts.  She starts with one Backstreet Boys song
and then soon enough, she's singing full albums on the tour bus." Nikki
commented teasingly, giving Danay a light nudge.  Danay sighed again, her
smile still glittery.  "Is that what happened when you and Kevin made it
official?" Danay asked softly, gazing out into the open space above her,
lost in that cloud of silly love.  "It's official?  You're a couple now?"
Britney asked, a hint of excitement running through her voice.  Danay nodded
happily.  She couldn't be any higher off of this vibe.
		Nikki laid her cup of tea on the table, leaning over it.  "Be careful D,
that Howie's a tricky one." Nikki noted.  With an entertaining grin, Danay
rolled her eyes mockingly.  "You do the same with Ryan." Danay beamed,
turning her head in Nikki's direction.  Blush crept into Nikki's cheeks and
she lowered her eyes to look at the table.  "I've retired from the
Backstreet men, thank you very much.  And no one said I'm with Ryan or
anything." Nikki retorted lowly, stirring a spoon in her cup of tea.  Danay
smiled smugly, relcining in her chair.  "As long as you're not messing with
one of those *NSYNC guys." Danay joked, crossing her arms over her chest.
Britney sniffled wuietly, pushing her cup of tea aside.  "Yeah, those *NSYNC
guys are real assholes." Britney whimpered, standing from her seat.  She
didn't want to pretend to be happy with Danay and Nikki.  She no longer had
a reason to laugh and gossip about guys because she didn't know if she even
wanted hers anymore.  And it was reasonable, something Nikki didn't have to
ask about to know.  "I'm turning in." Britney whispered, walking from the
room with slow, unsteady footsteps.
		Danay's eyes immediately shot to Nikki, perplexed by Britney's actions.
Nikki sighed, sucking in her lower lip and staring into her cooling tea.
"Joey finally told Britney that he cheated on her today." Nikki answered
Danay's unasked question.  Danay quickly leaned forward in her seat,
disturbed by Nikki's words.  "Not Joey." Danay said, her voice chilled by
disbelief.  Nikki nodded, tapping her spoon on the side of the cup.  "And
this close to Valentine's Day too." Nikki exhaled heavily, laying her spoon
on the table.  She lifted her cup and took a small gulp of her tea while
Danay slumped over in her chair.  Both stayed in that silence, thoughts of a
lost love between two of their closest friends leaving them wary of the
power of love on Valentine's Day.
	The steam had long left the room before Lance entered into his bedroom.  A
thin fuzzy towel was wrapped loosely around his waist as he took heavy steps
through the room.  Thin beads of water dripped down his back and on his
shoulders, but majority of his body was dry.  His hair was still damp, small
spikes fashioned on his head by his own hands.  His pale green eyes glanced
around the almost quiet room as he searched for proper attire to wear to
bed.  He couldn't decide if it was too hot for a T-shirt or too cold to go
without one.
		In his bed laid his boyfriend, Bryce, comfortably lying on his stomach
under the sheets on the bed.  "Are you coming to bed now baby?" Bryce asked,
his eyes slowly drooping as he laid in the bed.  Lance watched the way
Bryce's legs shifted under the sheets, the way the shift molded tightly on
to Bryce's body, revealing the smooth shape of his ass.  Lance groaned
lowly, a familiar rush creeping into his lower body.  He cocked his head to
the side, striving to get a sharper view of Bryce and when he thought Bryce
was looking, he quickly turned his eyes away, a shot of bashful redness
grabbing his cheeks.  "Come lay down with me Jamesy." Bryce requested lowly,
his voice tauntingly sweet.  That voice tingled in Lance's ears and hardened
his cock under the towel.
		Lance chewed on his lower lip, scratching the back of his head as he shyly
walked over to the bed.  Bryce remained in his position on the bed, patting
to the pillow next to his.  Lance smiled generously, watching the way Bryce
batted his eyes, trying to remain awake in the bed.  "Tired?" Lance asked,
hooking his fingers under the towel.  Bryce shrugged, yawning quietly.  "Not
really.  Maybe just a little." Bryce replied, snuggling his head to the
pillow.  Lance giggled loftly, tugging the towel from his waist.  He let it
carelessly drop to the floor, his erection preceding him to the bed.
		Before Bryce could peek up to see his naked lover's form, Lance was
pulling back the sheets, leaving them ruffled near Bryce's feet.  Lance
grinned wickedly when viewing Bryce's body sprawled on his bed.  "Jamesy...
what are you doing sweetie?  It's chilly." Bryce said, searching for
something to warm him when the draft swept over his naked body.  He could
feel Lance crawling on the bed, bypassing the pillow.  "I'll warm you up
sweet stuff." Lance whispered, his voice thick with a deep Southern accent.
He stradled Bryce's legs, his hands immediately moving to Bryce's smooth
shoulders.  He pressed his fingers into the cool, soft skin, rubbing lightly
as Bryce tensed up under him.  "You naked, you know that?" Lance asked
coyly, his fingers dripping slowly over Bryce's back.  Bryce hummed softly,
closing his eyes as his lover massaged his back.  "I thought you'd never
notice." Bryce giggled, relaxing under Lance's skilled hands.  "Does that
mean you wanted to just cuddle ronight or a little something more?" Lance
wondered, his fingers nimbly running over the small of Bryce's back.  Bryce
let a groan rumble in his throat, his lips shivering as Lance touched him.
Those hands were bringing him to the brink of insanity and they had yet to
explore Bryce's most sensitive regions.  It wasn't supposed to feel that
good.  It felt too good, but maybe it was because Lance knew how to please
his lover?
		Lance leaned down a little, poking his erect penis into the area lying
between Bryce's butt and his scrotum.  The sensation pulled a longing moan
from Bryce's lips.  If only he had a condom within reach; he knew what he'd
do, what he'd say.  "It all depends on you James." Bryce grunted, his own
fingers digging into his pillow as Lance cupped his buttocks.  Lance
squeezed ever-so-lightly before groping the firm ass, enjoying the sensation
of his skin against his lover's.  "And why's that?" Lance asked, leaning
down to run his tongue over Bryce's shoulder blade.  Bryce gasped, twisting
his lower body so that it ran against Lance's dangerously strong erection.
He blinked open his hazel eyes, panting lowly, searching for a reason not to
allow Lance to touch him.  There wasn't one.  "I honestly don't feel like
going into the bathroom and masturbating if you stop, but if you want to go
to bed and catch up on your sleep, I won't stop you." Bryce responded, a
hiss following his words as Lance peeled apart his cheeks and began to pet
his hole.
		Lance smirked smugly, pulling his hands from Bryce's body.  "What if I
said I'd rather watch you jack off?" Lance whispered before laying a damp
kiss on Bryce's shoulder.  Bryce smiled sweetly, lifting his lower body
until it crashed into Lance's erection.  He felt Lance run his hand over his
sandy blonde hair and he exhaled lightly.  "You're so kinky Jamesy." Bryce
remarked, trying to push himself up.  Lance fastened his hands to his
boyfriend's shoulder and pushed him down.  He laid a soft kiss on Bryce's
cheek, running his hands downward to Bryce's hips.  "I don't want to sleep
and I don't want you pleasing yourself without me.  Would you mind if I did
a little something else?" Lance requested, short pants escaping his lips as
he trailed rough hands over Bryce's butt.  "Like make love to me?" Bryce
asked, shutting his eyes again as Lance caressed him.  Lance nipped at the
top of Bryce's buttocks, his body drawing lower.  "No... though, the thought
crossed my mind." Lance smiled, kissing Bryce's left cheek.  Bryce scrunched
up his nose, grinding into the bed to satisfy his own erection.  "Then what
James?" Bryce wondered, hefty pants slipping through his pouty pink lips.
		Bryce's reply came in a slow, wet lick across his entrance.  A shiver
coarsed through his body as he felt Lance's tongue glide over his pinkish
hole.  Bryce took in a sharp breath of air when feeling Lance's tongue
traced around the hole.  This was something new.  Lance had never rimmed his
lover before.  It was so unexpected for Bryce, to feel his lover's tongue
running circles around his hole, the tip carefully running over the groove
that led to his insides.  Bryce shudder, his fingers nearly tearing the
bedspread under him apart.  He didn't want to deny that Lance's tongue
toying with the outside of his hole felt good, but he couldn't lose control
just yet.
		A throaty moan seeped through the air and Lance knew why.  The way his
boyfriend's hole was beginning to pucker explained Bryce's heavy moans.  He
was more than aroused by Lance's actions.  Even Lance's own penis was
throbbing incessantly just by the way Lance lapped at Bryce's ass.  And it
felt so good.  Bryce howled, pushing his lower body back, pleading for Lance
to purge deeper.  His body became a liquid sunshine of pleasure as Lance
began to kiss his hole with his thin lips.
		And then it happened.  Lance's tongue breached through the tight barrier
that prevented him from tasting his lover deep inside.  Bryce hissed lowly,
pushing his head into the pillow and pushing his ass further against Lance's
face.  It felt incredible.  The hot, moist tongue sliding a little deeper
and deeper, like a finger would.  "James... mmm, oh baby, don't stop..."
Bryce pleaded, small beads of sweat smearing over his brow.  The words were
mixed in a cloud of moans.  Bryce could no longer control how the bliss
coated his body and left him helpless.  He had to respond, but only loud,
growling moans could break through the mist.
		Lance's swollen lips kissed the outside ring as he lifted a hand to pet
the moist hole.  He sat up, letting his chest support him and keep him
steady while his other hand drifted from his lover's hip to his weeping
cock.  When Lance's hand wrapped around Bryce's cock, his finger penetrated
his ass.  "Oh... oh, oh, baby..." Bryce groaned lowly, his hips moving with
the rhythm of Lance's hands.  Lance chewed his lower lip, his own cock
brushing along the back of Bryce's thighs.  He closed his eyes momentarily,
savoring the sensations of his lover's thick penis gliding between his
fingers, the muscles in his lover's ass pulling on his finger, and the feel
of his lover's legs as they brushed repeatedly against his leaking cock.
"Bryce... mmmm, you're so tight sweetie." Lance said huskily.
		When Lance's finger curved and rubbed against his prostate, Bryce did
everything he could not to tear the bedspread and scream out uncontrollably.
  A soulful croon slipped from his lips as he blinked his eyes timidly and
tried to adjust to the pure pleasure seething through his skin.  Lance did
it again, curving his finger and rubbing intently.  "Oh, don't stop doing
that... again, please... again Jamesy.." Bryce panted out, ducking his head.
  Lance grinned wildly.  His lover bucked a little, slamming his thighs
against his thick penis.  "Fuck..." Lance hissed against Bryce's back, the
feeling of Bryce's sweaty skin running against his sending sharp spurts of
ecstasy through his body.
		Lance nimbly increased the pace in which his hand moved over Bryce's dick.
  The lubrication from Bryce's precum left the task easier and more
enjoyable for Lance.  His thumb playfully ran over the tip of his lover's
cock, pressing against the slit to collect more of the precum.  He
cautiously nipped at the small of Bryce's back, adding to the mounting
rapture his boyfriend experienced.  "Mmmm, you feel so good baby..." Lance
whispered, laying a gentle kiss on Bryce's back.  Bryce murmured something
incomprehensible, bucking his hips even more.  "And you taste sweet Bryce...
so sweet." Lance added, easing another finger inside of Bryce.  He curved
his second finger until it caressed Bryce's prostate, sending another
explosive shiver throughout his lover's aching body.
		"I... I can't hold... much longer..." Bryce gasped out, his body rocking
against Lance's hands.  Bryce's agile body tensed up under Lance's
proficient hands.  The touches were so dangerous, pulling Bryce closer and
closer to an inevitable orgasm.
		Lance's eyes lit up watching the pure poetry in motion.  The way Bryce's
body bucked, arched, and shivered lifted his need for his lover's orgasm
higher.  The passionate cries Bryce hurled into the air, the scent of sex,
pure passionate sex, left Lance moaning desperately.  He caressed the
grooves of his lover's insides, the soft tightness swallowing his fingers.
"Oh Bryce, honey... just let it go.  I need this... oh, yes, come on..."
Lance pleaded, his cock verging on its own intense release.  His hands
continued to stroke Bryce's deeply red penis, the precum becoming thicker.
		It was time.  Bryce had felt this almost a thousand times in his life, but
it always felt best with Lance.  It was always strongest with the man who
brought him to this place in his life.  With shallow, heated breaths, Bryce
called out again and again.  The man who took his virginity was the man that
made him walk through this mist of tropical pleasure.  "Lance!  I... oh, oh,
oh..." Bryce groaned, hoping the words would naturally roll off his tongue.
Somehow, they never made it.  Only a loud gasp slipped from his mouth before
he ejaculated across the bedspread, syrupy-thick beads of cum discharging
from his throbbing penis.  "Mmmm... mmm... mmmm..." Bryce hummed, his head
lowering as his bucking slowed.  Angels of softness and pleasure circled
around his body, holding him still as the last of his sperm seeped out of
his softening dick.  "I love you." Bryce managed to whisper as his body
lowered to the bed again.  He felt Lance's hand pull from his cock and then
his fingers cautiously pulled out of Bryce, leaving him almost empty.
		Bryce chewed on his lower lip, resting in his world of silent ecstasy.  A
satiny dampness coated a portion of his upper thigh and he knew it was
Lance's seed.  He could imagine the facial expressions Lance created as he
orgasmed behind him and it only added to the blissful world he existed in.
		"Did you say I love you baby?" Lance asked cheerfully, scooping Bryce into
his arms.  Bryce nodded lazily, yawning quietly as his lover laid next to
him.  "I love you too Bryce." Lance grinned, placing a small peck on the
corner of Bryce's lips.  Bryce smiled back at Lance, his eyes glazed like a
little boy.  He ran a hand over Lance's head, fingers tangling in the fluff
of falling spikes at the top of Lance's head.  "And I love you enough to
tell you something that's been bothering me lately." Lance added, pulling
Bryce's other hand up, holding it with a less-than-serene expression
altering his appearance.  Bryce blinked his eyes repeatedly, waking himself
to listen to Lance.  He could sense the seriousness of the conversation in
Lance's changing tone.
		Lance propped himself up on an elbow, interlocking his fingers with
Bryce's.  He let his pale green eyes run over Bryce's calm form.  'How many
times have you done this with other men?' Lance asked himself, letting his
eyes focus on Bryce's crinkly hazel eyes.  "I just wanted to tell you this
because we've been talking a lot lately about how serious we want this
relationship to be and I want to get this out instead of it coming up later
on." Lance informed Bryce.  Bryce scooted closer to Lance, sighing lowly.
"Is this going to be one of those confessions where we end up going to bed
silent?" Bryce wondered with a soft voice, his thumb brushing over Lance's
bottom lip.  Lance smiled meekly, Bryce's hand cupping his cheek while he
gave Bryce's other hand a small squeeze.  "I hope not sweet stuff." Lance
replied.  Bryce nodded, chewing on his lower lip again.  He had his doubts.
		"You know the basic history between myself, Nick, and JC.  I think just
about everyone has told you the drama that existed when I dated those guys."
Lance stated, clearing his throat.  Bryce nodded, an apathetic shadow
covering his thoughts.  "But there's something no one knows about my love
life... and that's my past with Matt Thompson." Lance said, his eyes
straying from Bryce as he spoke.  Bryce sat up some, shocked by the name.
He nervously loosened his grip on Lance's hand, swallowing quickly.  "Matt?
I thought you two were just friends." Bryce said shakily.
		Lance exhaled loudly, laying back on the bed.  He stared up to the
ceiling, knowing how Bryce would react to the hidden information.  How could
he not be surprised?  Mad?  Hurt?  But to keep a lover, Lance knew that
honesty was his best remedy.  "I wouldn't say that me and Matt were lovers,
but we fooled around.  Nothing big and nothing that I think about now, but
it was something." Lance said, allowing Bryce to pull away a little.  How
could he expect Bryce not to?  "I've only told Mandy this.  No one else
knows.  I don't think anyone even has a clue about the times I'd go to see
him in Miami or about the things we said." Lance added.  He batted his eyes
close when Bryce untangled their fingers.  He nodded, taking in a healthy
breath.  "But I realized it was really nothing after awhile.  It was me
trying to figure out what direction my life was headed.  I mean, I was still
hurt about what happened between Joshua and Nick and..." Lance sighed,
losing the will to continue with his confession.  He sucked in his lower lip
and let his eyes droop close.
		A hand slipped over Lance's stomach, fingers fearfully running over the
delicate skin.  "When we were first... those times when we weren't together,
but just messing around... were you messing around with Matt too?" Bryce
asked, his voice lilted with sullenness.  Lance guardedly rested a hand on
Bryce's head, twirling his fingers through the soft dirty blonde hair.
"Yes.  I didn't know what we had and I didn't know what me and Matt had."
Lance replied.  Bryce skated his fingers over Lance's cooling skin, wishing
he knew what to say and how to say it.
		"And that night we were making out on the couch and I got that phone call
and said it was a prank call." Lance stopped himself again.  He couldn't go
on.  He knew this was hurting Bryce, even if Bryce wouldn't confess it or
show that it did.  "It was him." Bryce finished Lance's statement, his voice
hollow.  "I pressed star sixty-nine after you fell asleep in my lap.  I had
to know." Lance admitted, his guilt coming full circle.  He drew his hand
over Bryce's hair, letting it fall to Bryce's undeniably soft face.  "I love
you Jamesy." Bryce whispered, his voice weak.  He snuggled to Lance, hoping
to drown out the words Lance had spoken to him.  He didn't need to hear
anymore.  He just needed to sleep and believe that it didn't mean anything.
"I love you too Bryce baby." Lance whispered into Bryce's ear and maybe that
was all that Bryce needed to believe in.
		The room was bathed in a strong scent of sex.  There was nothing subtle or
kind about it.  Clothing was strewn across the room, one used condom laid
helplessly on the floor while another was still in use.  The sheets were
unkempt and the pillows were lost somewhere in the heep of clothing and
shoes laid across the room.  The walls still shook with the echoing sounds
of loud, raw moans.  It was sex, but it was the best damn sex they had had
in awhile.  Even as JC held onto Nick's back with one hand while Nick rode
his cock in a fervent pace, their bodies coated in sweat, their breathing
raged, and their eyes barely open, the room still held that same strong
scent of masucline pleasure as it did at the height of their sexual
intercourse.
		JC gasped boisterously, tilting his head back while standing on his
tip-toes.  Fucking his husband while standing may not have been the most
ingenious idea, but it was satisfying.  The way Nick's tight hole milked his
cock, JC didn't think he survive his forthcoming climax.  But he was so
close, and when Nick tightened the grip his legs had on JC's slim waist, JC
knew he wouldn't make it.  "Oh fuck... oh fuck, oh fuck, oh God, oh fuck..."
JC groaned, laying moist kisses on Nick's neck.
		Nick panted, gasping for air as he gripped JC's shoulders.  His upper lip
curled and he withheld a snarl as JC squeeze his balls, fingering the
delicate flesh before rolling the round balls in his palm.  "Oh, Joshua...
I'm going to nut soon... yeah, mmmm, baby!" Nick cooed.  He kissed JC's
sweaty brow, puffing intently as JC's hand slid up his side, bypassing his
aching penis to run his fingers over Nick's wiry dirty-blonde pubes.  JC's
confident fingers trickled over Nick's stomach, moving frigidly as his
ejaculation drew closer and closer.  The heat and thickness of Nick's member
rubbing against his own stomach pulled a low moan from both men.
		JC couldn't live without this.  It felt too good to throw away.  His
fingers trailed down Nick's chest until they touched the softness of Nick's
dick, feeling the slick head as it ran over his stomach in time with Nick's
rising.  His skin prickled with the currents of pleasure that raced through
him every time he thrusted upward into Nick.  "Oh Nick, you don't know how
bad I want... I want to... cum in you..." JC groaned, his voice low.  Those
heady grunts of passion helped to pull Nick urgently closer to his needed
release.  Nick tightened his hole around JC's cock, pulling on it everytime
he lifted upward.  He felt JC's strong hand on his hip, helping to lift him
upward, continuing their fucking for just a little more time.
		"Shit... no... oh fuck!" JC groaned lowly, hissing as his penis released
its semen into the condom.  "Oh Nick..." he gasped out, his dick pulsing
inside of his motionless husband.  A few sharp in takes of air resounded
through the room before JC felt a hot liquid coating his stomach, causing a
smile to freckle over his lips.  The deep groans rolling through his ear,
his husband's lips pressed close to his lobe, left JC's knees weak and he
knew he'd lose balance soon.  He nudged Nick's butt, trying to lift him.
Nick willingly helped his husband, lifting up until JC's flaccid member was
completely removed from his hole.  JC sighed with subtle relief, untangling
Nick's legs from around him and lowering hus husband to the floor again.
		Nick kept his hands resting on JC's shoulders as his feet met with the
cool floor again.  He felt JC run thin fingers through his damp hair and it
calmed him after an intense orgasm.  A hand laid on his hip, gentle fingers
brushing over his skin and Nick loved it.
		"That was great Nicky." JC said, pulling away from Nick.  He scooted back,
slowly pulling the condom from around his penis.  He tied it and carelessly
tossed it into the trashbin, clearing his throat as his he moved throughout
the room.  He snatched up Nick's boxers and used them to remove his
husband's cum from across his belly.
		Nick let a pout form over his lips.  That couldn't have been all.  Sure,
he could remember times when he and JC fucked and went directly to sleep,
but they were married now.  It had to be a little more than a pat on the
back after sex.  He hoped it was a little more than that.  Watching his
husband slip into a pair of fresh boxers, Nick let his brow wrinkle and his
eyes crease into a saddened shade.  "Hey Joshua," Nick called out to him.
JC looked up curiously, giving Nick a fond response with his eyes.  "I love
you." Nick said, the only three words he could manage to say.  JC smiled at
him and then winked.  He crossed the room with hasty steps and ran his
fingers through Nick's hair again.  "I love you too, Nicky.  Always." JC
whispered, placing a gentle, but short kiss on Nick's lips.  That was good
enough to make Nick smile, but not enough to make him forget his thoughts.
		"I'm heading to bed babe.  You coming?" JC asked, dropping his hand to his
side.  Nick shot his husband a crooked smirk.  "I thought I already did
that." he replied slyly.  JC parted a small smile, rolling his eyes.
"Cute." he said dully.  "No, I'm going to stay up for a few, relax." Nick
sighed out.  JC shrugged, patting Nick's shoulder.  "Suit yourself." he
chimed, laying a quick peck on Nick's cheek before immediately skipping
towards the bed.  And that's all it was.
		Sitting in the darkness of his house, covered with lazy grays and coaly
blues, Nick felt unsure.  It wasn't the shadows and it wasn't that faint
buzz that came from the muted television in front of him.  It was his
marriage, it was what Nikki had said to him the previous night.  Did he have
his husband's heart yet?  In some ways, he felt he did, but internally, in
that little section of his heart that always spoke to him when he canived to
keep JC, he knew the bliss they once shared was becoming as dark as the
purplish sky floating above.  He had no solutions.  He didn't want to let JC
go; not for Lance, not for Nikki, not for a good fuck with Stevie, and
surely not for Justin.  Why couldn't he ever have anything for himself?  'I
couldn't have Lance because JC wanted him.  I couldn't have Brian because
Justin wanted him.  Hell, I can't even have my husband because everyone
wants him.  Who can I call my own?' Nick wondered.
		He sighed heavily, leaning on the kitchen table.  It was meant to be.
They were meant to be married, even though Nick knew what really happened
that night.  He knew what went into making sure that night went right.  And
only two others knew of it.  'God, if he knew who the witnesses were, he
might know...' Nick shucked the thought to the back of his mind.  He had no
reason to think of that now.
		In the background, he could hear the DJ talking over the radio, the
useless babble leaving him restless.  He reached across the table and pulled
JC's wallet into his hands.  He lazily pulled it closer, reclining in his
chair.  'Careful Carter... last time you messed with something of JC's, he
broke up with you.' Nick reminded himself as he flipped JC's wallet open.
He didn't care right now.  He just needed to get his mind off of his
troubles and he knew that alcohol wouldn't do it right now.  It was too
late.
		The first picture Nick stumbled upon was of JC and his family, all
together, all smiling, and all full of life.  'They seem like they love me.'
Nick thought to himself, staring intently at his in-laws.  He could still
remember the warmth they showed him during the Christmas holiday, all except
Tyler, but he knew why.  He knew Tyler had always had hopes for Nikki and
JC, but Nick didn't let it derail him from attempting to win over Tyler's
friendship.
		He skipped to the next picture and at that moment, he wished for a drink
of alcohol.  Staring at a picture of JC standing behind Justin, arms wrapped
around Justin's neck, both giggling happily, Nick felt everything inside of
him crumble.  The pose walked the thin line between a brotherly embrace and
a cuddling couple's picture.  Nick hated it.  They were too close, too
happy.  It hurt like hell.  And to know, as he flipped to the next picture,
one of Nick smiling sleepily, his husband chose to place a picture of Justin
and him in front of a picture of his husband left Nick sick.
		Nick dropped the wallet on the tabel, his face burned into a scowl.
Suddenly the song playing on the radio was all he wanted to think about.
The lyrics were just a little too true.  Leaning back to turn it up, he let
frustrated tears roll through his eyes, his lips pouted and his body tense.
He roughly wiped falling tears from his cheek, his anger preventing him from
wallowing on his sadness.  He had to have this for his himself.  Nick wasn't
sharing this time.  He no longer cared what Nikki said or what he saw
between Justin and JC or Nikki and JC.  Crying over this marriage wasn't
something Nick planned to do forever.  Then again, Nick knew what was coming
and by the river of tears that he shed, he could see what direction the
current of his marriage was moving in.
	Moving on baby

	I went to the river, thinkin' bout jumpin' in
	Thinkin' about your ways baby
	Trying to forget how to swim
	As I stood there, watching the train go by
	Oh what a message - That's when I realized

	Oh baby, is it gonna last very long
	Look at the river and how it keeps movin' on
	Oh baby, what we had is almost gone
	Look at the river and how it keeps movin' on

	Movin' on
	Would you just look at the river
	Movin' on

		Somewhere, halfway across the same thoughts that Nick had, another world
seemed to be looking at the river for direction.  Justin laid in his bed
with Brian resting in his arms.  The night didn't go the way he wanted.
Justin sighed, frustrated that his husband never opened up to him about his
problem.  'Why is he being like this?  He's acting like an... like an
asshole.' Justin thought, drawing his fingers through Brian's soft hair.  He
listened to Brian's soft, steady breathing.  'How can he be so peaceful when
he's hurting inside?  Damn it, I need to know.' Justin grumbled, turning his
head to glance at the window of their bedroom.  Why did the song on the
radio have to reflect his relationship at the moment?  Justin had shared too
many good times with Brian to let this constant barrier keep them apart.
		When Brian moaned quietly and snuggled closer to Justin's warm body,
Justin thought of the nights they had did this.  Those nights where Justin
would just hold Brian until he fell asleep, his guardian angel protecting
him from the shadows and from any nightmarish thoughts.  But that angel
couldn't read Brian's thoughts and didn't know his dreams.  'But this angel
loves Brian so much.' Justin sighed to himself, glancing down at Brian.
Those chiseled cheeks flexed with happiness, Justin knew it.  Still, the
thoughts and feelings were there.  Those unhappy moments were leaving Justin
weak and frustrated.

	My emotions move with the current and the wind
	No direction, and no definite end
	That's when I realized
	How the ripples in the water seemed to shine
	Reminds me of you and I baby, at one point in time

	And just like a river (Like a river flowin' into a waterfall)
	After falling, are we movin' on?
	Inside I feel
	I can feel it flow (I can feel it flow)

	Oh baby, is it gonna last very long
	Look at the river
	Look at it how it keeps movin' on and movin' on
	Oh baby, what we had is almost gone
	Look at the river and how it keeps movin' on
	Movin' on

		The creek of the door opening and small footsteps echoing through the room
caused Justin to draw his eyes from Brian.  "Daddy?" Angel called out,
taking wobbly steps into his parents' bedroom.  Justin sat up a little,
letting Brian's head slip lower down his chest.  "Bastian?  Are you okay
baby?" Justin asked as Angel walked shakily into the room, rubbing his eyes
with a strong pout on his lips.  "Daddy... sweepy..." Angel whined, leaning
onto the bed.  "Did you have a bad dream Bastian?" Justin asked, reaching a
hand down to help his son into the bed.  "Ye.. yes." Angel replied, crawling
up to Justin.  Angel immediately tapped his sleeping father's shoulder.
"Dad?" Angel wondered, looking up to receive an answer from his wallowing
father.  "He's sleeping Bastian.  Go ahead and laid down next to him."
Justin whispered, patting to a place near Brian.  Angel smiled sheepishly
before laying down close to Brian snuggling toward him.  Brian sighed
through his sleep, drapping an arm around his son's body.
		For Justin, there wasn't a better picture of happiness.  He wanted this
all the time, but he couldn't have it.  In fact, he barely got it.  'But
why?  Shit, can't I get a break?  Can't I be with this man and this child
and be happy?  What the hell is the point of love if you never get to enjoy
it?' Justin grumbled to himself, stroking Angel's blonde hair.  He shook his
head, listening to the music trickling through the room.  Nothing went his
way when he wanted it the most.  It was always just enough to get him to the
next point.

	Under the train bridge - It keeps movin' on
	Goes round to the whirlpool - It keeps movin' on

	No still waters baby
	Are gonna hold me down
	And all I wanna know is - Are you comin' with me?

	Oh, I have got to keep moving on
	Oh, oh, mm mm
	Moving on yeah
	Moving on I said
	Moving on

	Oh baby, is it gonna last very long
	Look at the river and how it keeps movin' on
	Oh baby, what we had is almost gone
	Look at the river and how it keeps movin' on

		Justin sighed before glancing back down at his sleeping loves.  He
couldn't do without this, no matter how young he was and how hard it was on
him.  He couldn't control the river of his life, but he sure as hell was
going to swim against the currents if it meant getting to his happiness.
And when he got there, Angel would be there to hug him and show him that
part of fatherhood he always wanted.  And Brian... Justin hoped he'd be
there.  He hoped Brian would see past the ache and confusion and walk with
him through the waters of love.  But that's all he could ask for.  He wanted
to keep moving, but not without the man that made the swim worth swimming.

	Moving on
	Moving on I said

	Moving, moving (Moving)
	Moving, moving (Baby)
	Moving, moving (Would you just look, look at the river)
	Moving on
	Moving on I said


					TO BE CONTINUED...

--- I highly recommend you download the song "The River" by Wild Orchid.
It's very empowering and relaxing.  But anyway, that was part one of the
Valentine's story.  I'm a couple of days behind my schedule, but I'm just
glad I got this part done.  I hope I can work my ass off to get the next
part and the B-Day story done by the beginning of March, but that's asking a
LOT of myself!  I just started working again and that takes up a lot of my
time now.  I'm still thinking of the readers though and I'm working hard to
get my chapters done.  I just want them to be right and not crap.  You can
now send in your ideas for the fan appreciation story, but be careful
because the next part of 'Symptoms of a Heartbreak' isn't out and you don't
know what couples will survive.  But I'm sure you have your guesses.  Oh
yeah, another part of fan appreciation month is an interlude story about a
chat the guys of *NSYNC have.  BUT I NEED QUESTIONS FROM THE READERS!  That
means you can send questions to me for that 'chat' in the story and they'll
be asked and answered.  Keep in mind, your questions have to go along with
the storyline, so you can't ask JC about Nick because the public doesn't
know about that.  However, you can ask JC who he's dating or ask Lance who
he's involved with.  You can ask just about anything about Justin & Brian,
Chris & Meelah, Joey & Britney.  So PLEASE send those questions in
immediately so I can get that interlude written right after the next
Valentine's story!  Thanks!  I think that's all for now.  I always forget
something.  Please write me about this chapter!  I want to know what you
thought.  It's not half as good as December, but I'm trying with the time
I'm given.  Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN LITTRELL!!!  And have you checked
out Justin's hair now?  Can we say SEXY?!  You know that hairstyle will be
in the storyline.  Pray that *NSYNC wins a Grammy.  May you stay blessed and
happy and until next time... ---