Date: Sat, 21 Aug 1999 03:41:59 EDT
From: D LS <dls_stories@hotmail.com>
Subject: Brian & Me Parts 28-31

Okay, first things first.  This story is a complete work of fiction, and is
not meant to imply anything about anyone.  While some of the characters may
be loosely based on real people that I know, none are meant to actually
represent anyone, particularly any of the members of the Backstreet Boys.
We may wish that they were gay, and maybe some of them even are, but I'm
certainly not about to say that they are. :)

As usual, if you are offended or made uncomfortable by material concerning
sexual relations between consenting adult men, lighten up or go somewhere
else.  Also, if it is in any way illegal for you to be reading this type of
thing, please don't.  Or do, just don't get caught and feel *very* guilty.
;)

If any of the BSB happen to be reading this (hey, we can dream can't we?),
feel free to drop me a line and let me know what you think.

I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to write, and encourage
them and others to keep doing so.  It's nice to see that people like the
story.  Also, I happen to be an email junkie (which JB, EG and Yuli could
attest to) and I live for new mail. :)

***Thanks to Tyler, Lauren, Lukas, Matty, and everyone else who has taken
the time to write, for their extra-nice comments.  It makes it much easier
to sit down and write with people like you to encourage me.

***Special thanks also to JB and EG (author of Adam, Zach and BSB), both of
whom read over what you are about to read, either in whole or in part, and
offered their opinions.  There is no doubt that the story is better than it
would have been without them.

***Also, if Paul happens to be reading this, I tried to respond to your
email, but it's wouldn't go through.  I'm not ignoring you, I just can't
get a reply through.


Drop me a line at DLS_stories@hotmail.com and let me know what you think

Enjoy!


     PART 28

     Rather than call me, Carrie met me at the hotel.  Before I could even
check in, she was at my side, introducing herself.

     We shook hands and she handed me my hotel key, explaining that she had
checked in for me.  I took it and, with Carrie insisting on carrying my
computer case, we headed for the elevators.

     As the doors closed, I turned to face her with a smile.  "Did you read
it?"

     A grin spread across her face.  "Yes I read it.  It's fantastic!  You
couldn't ask for better advertising than that.  The book is already selling
very well in the adult market, but with millions of teenage girls, and more
than a few boys," she said, giving me a smile and a wink, making me grin,
"reading that the Backstreet Boys are reading it and loving it, sales in
the teenage market are going to explode!"

     I laughed at her enthusiasm as the doors opened on my floor.  We
walked to the room and I opened it with my key, ushering her inside.  "So
you're happy?" I asked rhetorically.

     "I'm on the freaking moon!" she laughed, sitting down on the edge of
the bed.  "I wonder if they have any idea what they just did for your
sales."

     I smiled.  "I'm sure they do."

     "God, just having them say that you're a friend of theirs would have
been great, but to have them promote your book.  That's going to be
incredible.  Do you have any idea of the circulation numbers for those
magazines?  If even a quarter of those kids wind up buying your book,
you're in for quite a royalty cheque," she laughed.  "We shoud send them a
huge thank-you note."

     "I can go you one better," I smiled, taking out my cell.  She watched
as I flipped it open and dialed.  After a pause, I smiled and spoke.  "Hi
Brian."

     "Hey sweetie," he said.  I cringed.  "Did you read it yet?"

     "Yeah, I read it."

     "And?  Did you like what you saw?" he asked.  I could tell from his
voice that he was smiling.

     "Are you kidding me?  It's fantastic.  I don't know what to do to
thank you."

     "Well for one thing you can come and see me," he laughed.

     I grinned.  "I'm working on it.  Until then, tell everyone that I said
thanks."  Carrie was looking at me in astonishment.  I noticed it and
smiled at her, drawing her attention.  "Listen Brian, my editor's here."

     "Carrie?"

     "That's her."

     "Did you tell her about us?" he asked.

     "No, not yet.  Not without the okay from you," I said, hoping that
Carrie wasn't listening too intently.  "But she wanted to thank you too, so
I'm going to put her on, okay?"

     "Sure.  I want to talk to her."

     "Alright.  I'll talk to you later."  I handed the phone to Carrie,
urging her to speak.

     "Hello?... yes, it was incredible... well, you gave him more publicity
in that one interview than he could do in a dozen of them... yes, I don't
know how to thank you... okay, I'll do my best... yes, I know he
is... okay, I'll tell him... alright, bye Brian," she said, hanging up and
handing me the phone.

     "Tell me what?" I asked as I put it back in my pocket.

     "He said to tell you that you had his okay.  Whatever that means," she
said with a curious smile.

     "It means that he trusts my judgement, and I get to tell you a secret.
But you have to understand that you can't tell a soul."

     Carrie grinned and stuck out her hand, pinky outstretched.  "Pinky
swear," she said.

     Yes sir, I liked her.  I grinned and locked my pinky finger with hers
for a moment, then sat beside her.  "Brian and I are seeing each other," I
said.

     She almost fell off of the bed.  "You and Brian?"  I nodded.  "Brian
Littrell?"  I nodded again.  "Seeing each other as in..."

     "As in dating," I laughed.  "That's the main reason that I'm joining
them on tour.  We want to be together as much as we can.  I'm just lucky
that my job allows it."

     "Well then, that makes a little more sense," she said quietly, as
though to herself.

     "What does?"

     "Well, when I asked what I could do to thank him, he said to get these
meeting over with as soon as possible." Carrie had recovered somewhat from
her surprise.  "How long have you been together?" she asked, sitting back
on the bed a little.

     "A few weeks," I said.  "We met over a year ago, but because of a
misunderstanding we didn't get together.  Then, after I did the Rosie show
a little over a month ago, we met again and hit it off."  I didn't think it
was necessary to go over all of the gruelling details with her.

     "Wow.  So that interview..."

     "Was kind of like a gift from him and the guys," I laughed.

     "Wow," she said again.  "I mean, I knew you were gay, of course, but I
had no idea about Brian."

     "No one does, which is why you can't say anything."

     "Don't worry about that.  Right now, it would be bad for your career
as well as his," she said, looking at me and smiling so I knew that she
wouldn't tell anyone.

     "How so?" I asked.  I hadn't thought that his coming out could effect
me, no matter how it happened.

     "With that interview, the Backstreet Boys linked their names to yours.
Right now, you are the one who stands to gain from that, since they have
such a huge fan base.  If, however, it got out that one or more of them was
gay, a big chunk of that fan base would be gone.  Even those who didn't
care about the gay thing would likely turn on the band because they would
feel lied to."

     I nodded, and she continued.  "Of course, they gain a little too,
since by naming you, an openly gay man, as their good friend, they stand to
appease their gay fans who may be feeling neglected.  But if it got out
that you were dating one of them, rather than just a friend of theirs,
there would be a lot of people who would be mad at you, or jealous, or
whatever.  That would be disastrous for future book sales."

     "I never thought of it that way," I said.  "All the more reason to be
careful and keep it a secret."

     Carrie nodded.  "Listen, Nate, thanks for trusting me with this."

     "Don't thank me.  It was Brian's decision to make.  I'm already out.
Thank him," I smiled, getting up from the bed.

     "I'll have to do that next time I'm talking to him," she smiled back.


     Carrie left shortly after that, and I slept for a while.  Flying,
regardless of the distance, always seemed to tire me out.

     When I got up, my pocket was ringing.  Fumbling my phone out of it, I
mumbled a greeting.

     "Whoa.  Someone just got up," Kevin laughed.

     "Hey Kevin.  Yeah, I was just catching a quick nap.  What's up?"

     "Actually, that's what I was calling to find out," he said.

     "I'm not following."

     "Well, Brian finally filled us in on your plans to join us on the
tour.  I was wondering about what's going on with that."

     "You don't mind, do you?" I asked.

     "Are you kidding?  It'll be nice to have someone else to hang out
with.  Everyone thinks it's a great idea.  We can't wait."

     "Well, I have a meeting in the morning with Celia and Carrie, my new
editor, and then the next day I have another marketing meeting.  Carrie's
going to be there, as well as a bunch of shirts from the publishers, going
over advertising for the books.  After that, I'm on my way."  I smiled at
the thought of being back with Brian and the rest of the guys.

     "That's great.  I'll let management know, and we'll get you and Brian
a room so you're not with Nick."

     "No!  Kevin, I want you to get me my own room.  Double bed.  Brian and
Nick can keep sharing a room.  I'll explain it when I get there," I said
quickly.

     "Okay," he replied.  I could tell he was curious, but he didn't ask
anything else about the room.  "Do you want me to tell Brian when you're
coming?"

     "Actually, no.  Let me call him.  I'll tell him that the meetings are
going to take a few days longer than I expected, and then I can surprise
him.  I'll call you when I know exactly when I'll be there."

     "Okay Nate.  You're calling the shots," he laughed.  "But Brian won't
be happy to hear that you're not coming right away."

     "I'll make it up to him."

     "I'm sure you will."  Kevin laughed again, then said that he had to go
and talk with management about the tour.  I promised again to call him when
I knew when I would be joining them, and hung up.

     Putting the phone away again, I sat up and grabbed the room service
menu.  A few minutes later, I had both a movie and a meal ordered, and I
was relaxing in front of the television.



     PART 29

     The meeting with Carrie and Celia went better than expected.  We went
over the plans for the book to make sure that we were all on the same page,
so to speak, and then discussed where it was going, and when I expected it
to be finished.

     At the rate I was going, I could have it done in record time.  The
ideas were flowing out of me just as fast as I could put them on the
screen.  I knew, though, that there would be a disruption in that flow as
soon as I was back with Brian again.

     I was hoping that the spontaneity of their schedule would add
something to the writing, but I was also a little afraid that it might hurt
as well.  But, I was determined to be with Brian.  We'd have to let things
turn out as they would.

     I decided to tell Celia about Brian and I, after extracting a promise
from her that she wouldn't tell a soul.  I felt better with her and Carrie
knowing.  Maybe they would be a little more understanding if Brian and the
guys proved to be a bit distracting and the pages took longer to get to
them.

     Once everyone was clear on how the book was coming along, we discussed
my relationship with the company.  I assured Carrie that I was not unhappy,
but had simply had creative and personal differences with Pete, which had
prompted my request for a change in editors.  Celia and Carrie argued a
little bit about my contract, but nothing really serious.

     "You know," Carrie said near the end of the meeting.  "Pete's still
pretty pissed at you for firing him."

     "Carrie, I hope he's not giving you a hard time for working with me,"
I said, putting my hand on her arm.

     She laughed.  "No, he's got bigger fish to fry right now."

     "What do you mean?"  Celia asked.

     "Well, let's just say that you're not the only writer who has shown an
interest in replacing him.  He's got writers jumping ship all over the
place.  Somehow it got out that you changed editors, and it seems to have
given people the idea.  I don't think he's going to have a job much longer
if this keeps up."

     Celia grinned, but I felt kind of bad for him.  "I didn't mean to
screw him over, I just didn't feel we were right for each other.  I didn't
want all this to happen."

     Celia patted me on the shoulder, offering her comfort.  "Don't worry
about it, Nate.  People wouldn't leave him just because you did.  He
obviously wasn't doing his job.  People just don't dump editors they've
worked with for years simply because someone else did it."

     "I guess, but I still feel kinda bad about it.  He was a good editor,
just a little thick."

     Carrie assured me that he wasn't being unfairly treated, and then
declared the meeting over, after reminding me that we had to meet with the
marketing people the next day.  I sighed and told her that I would be
there.


     I barely slept that night, thinking that I was one meeting away from
being able to be with Brian again.  As a result, I showed up at the meeting
looking less-than-stellar.

     "You look like hell, Nate," Carrie said, sitting beside me.

     "Thanks," I said sarcastically with a laugh.  "I didn't get a whole
lot of sleep last night."

     "Getting anxious?" she asked with a smile.

     I nodded and was about to speak again when a group of five gentlemen
entered the conference room with a bunch of charts and tables and graphs.

     One started passing around folders full of reproductions of the visual
aids, and another set up an easel at the head of the table, setting the
sheets on it.

     They were all basically wearing the same thing, so I immediately
forgot their names when we were introduced.

     For the next three hours I was inundated with information about the
sales of 'Blue Sky,' and the projected sales of my as-yet-untitled work in
progress.  Without knowing what it was going to be about, or what it was
going to be called, there wasn't a whole lot that they could determine
about the new book, but it didn't seem to stop them from producing a bunch
of graphs to point to.

     By the time they finished discussing, with very little input from me,
I was almost wishing that I had never written the damn book in the first
place.  Finally, Carrie thanked them for their presentation, and promised
them that we would get back to them if we had any further comments, and
called the meeting to a close.

     I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched them file out of the room.
Carrie remained with me for a few minutes.  Finally, smiling, she spoke.

     "So?  Glad you became an author?"

     "I think they sucked out my brain somewhere along the way," I groaned,
laying my head on the table.

     Carrie patted me on the back and told me to cheer up.  "After all,
this time tomorrow you should be safely in Brian's arms."

     I did perk up a bit at that.  Seeing the smile that came across my
face, Carrie had to laugh.  "Sweetie, you are in love," she said, getting
up from the table and gathering her things.

     "Carrie?" I asked, looking around at her and stopping her before she
could leave.

     "Yeah?"

     "Please don't call me sweetie," I said with a smile.


     PART 30

     "I just got off the plane, Kevin," I said happily.

     "Okay, we're supposed to go practise for the concert in a few minutes,
so you can head straight for the hotel.  I left your name at the front
desk, so you just have to prove you're you and pick up your key."

     "And Brian doesn't know anything about me being here?"

     "Nope, everything's good.  I'll see you tonight at the concert?"

     "I'll be there."

     "Okay, I'll leave you a pass at the door so you can get in."

     "Thanks for everything Kevin," I said sincerely.

     "No problem, Nate. I'll see you tonight."

     I flipped the phone closed and made my way through the terminal to the
baggage claim.  After picking up my luggage, I walked outside and hailed a
cab.

     The hotel wasn't very far from the airport, so the trip didn't last
very long, and I didn't get to see much of Chicago.

     The good news was, none of the fans outside the hotel recognised me.
I seemed to be somewhere in the limbo between people knowing your name, and
people knowing your face, and I was just as happy for it.  Being recognised
on the street appeared to have more negative aspects to it than positive.

     The bad news was, the security officer at the door wasn't going to let
me in, and I had to convince him that I was indeed a guest at the hotel.  I
didn't think it was going to work, until I asked him how many 24 year old
guys were big Backstreet Boys fans.

     That seemed to make him stop and think, and he had one of the other
security men take my ID and check with the front desk.  Moments later, the
man returned and handed me back my wallet, nodding to the one holding me
back.

     "Sorry, sir.  I'm sure you understand we have to be careful," he said
sheepishly.

     "No problem," I said with a smile as he moved aside for me to enter.
I proceeded to the front desk, where I signed in and got my room key.

     The wait for the elevator was inordinately long.  Apparently they were
having electrical problems with it, and were waiting on the repair men to
come.  I was assured that it was still safe, just slower.  Still, I held my
breath as I stepped inside, expecting it to either fall or rocket upward
like in some movie.

     I was surprised to find myself somewhat disappointed when nothing out
of the ordinary happened.  As I had been told, the ride was uneventful if a
little long.

     When the doors finally opened on my floor, I glanced at the fob on my
key and checked the closest room numbers to find out which way to turn.
Getting my bearings, I quickly found my room and let myself in.

     I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the room.  The main room
consisted of a large living and dining area, with the bedroom and bathroom
separate through a double doorway at the back.  Throwing my bags inside the
door, I wandered around for a moment or two, just taking it all in.

     Finding the balcony, I wandered outside to have a look.  I could see
most of Chicago from my vantage point.  I smiled to myself and made a
mental note to thank Kevin again for the room, then wandered back inside to
put my things away.

     I've never been one to live out of a suitcase.  There was something
almost sorrowful about it.  Even if I was only staying somewhere for a
single night, as I was tonight, I had to unpack.  It felt more like home
that way.

     I was just finishing putting my clothes in the closet when there was a
knock at the door.
  
     "Room service," a muffled voice said through the door.

     "I'm afraid you have the wrong room," I said as I opened it.  "I just
checked in, and I haven't ordered anything."

     The waiter looked down at his sheet.  "Nathaniel Healy, room 1206?"

     I nodded.  "That's me, but I'm telling you, I didn't order anything."

     "The order was placed by another member of your party, sir," he said.
"The kitchen was notified when you checked in."

     The light above my head clicked on.  I made another mental note to
thank Kevin, then moved aside with a smile to let the man in.

     Wheeling the cart to the table, he smiled and thanked me.  When I went
to tip him, he waved it off, telling me that it had already been taken care
of when the order was placed.

     I thanked him again and hung up the last couple of things in the
closet before making my way back to the table and checking out the cart.
There was a covered tray and a coffee carafe, with two mugs.  Puzzled, I
lifted the cover off of the tray and saw two pieces of apple pie.

     I was still trying to figure it out when I felt hands settle on my
waist and a gentle kiss on the back of my neck.  With a small scream, I
jumped and broke away.

     "Nice to see you too," Brian laughed softly.

     My heart still hammering in my chest, I tried to gather myself.  "What
the hell are you doing here?" I asked.

     "Well, I heard that my boyfriend was sneaking around on me, secretly
booking hotel rooms," he smiled.  "I decided to check it out for myself."

     "But you're not supposed to even know I'm here yet.  Kevin wasn't
supposed to tell you."

     "He didn't exactly tell me.  I heard him talking with management about
needing another room, and I was there when you called and told him that you
were flying out this morning.  Once I knew it was you on the phone, I made
him promise not to say anything to you so I could surprise you instead."

     I had to grin at how pleased he looked with himself.  I put out my
hand to him.  With a smile, he crossed the room and took it.

     "Hi," he whispered.

     "Hi," I answered, bringing my forehead to his.

     "Eskimo kiss!" I said, rubbing my nose against his.

     "What?"

     "Eskimo kiss.  You know, where you rub noses?"

     "Never heard of it," he laughed.  "But I like it.  Now how about a
European kiss?"

     "You mean that thing where you kiss on each cheek?" I asked with a
grin.

     Brian sighed.  "How about an American version then?"

     "Sorry, I'm Canadian," I laughed.

     "I don't think there's that much of a difference," he smiled.

     "Sure there is.  In Canada you take your tongue and..."

     "Show me," he said, putting his lips to mine to shut me up.

     I laughed a little and showed him.

     "I missed that," Brian whispered, moving his lips to my ear.  "I
missed you."

     "Ummm..."

     "Is that right?"  Brian laughed, kissing my neck.

     "Every word of it," I grinned, pulling away from him a little.  "But
aren't you supposed to be practising or something?"

     "I got Kevin to tell them that I wasn't feeling well.  I'm supposed to
be taking a nap so I'm ready for the show," he smiled.

     "Awwww," I smiled, stifling a yawn.  The flight had been an early one,
and I hadn't gotten to sleep on the plane either.  The man beside me had
been some sort of salesman, and hadn't stopped talking from the moment we
took off to the time we touched down.  He had even talked through the
flight attendant's speech about what to do in an emergency.  Good thing we
hadn't crashed.  Although, a crash might have shut him up.

     Brian put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me.  "Looks like
you're the one who needs the nap."

     "No, I'm fine.  Flying does this to me.  I'll just have some coffee."

     "Nate, you look exhausted.  I don't think coffee is going to do the
trick."

     "I just haven't slept much the last couple of nights," I said with a
smile.  "I've had someone on my mind."

     Brian grinned.  "Is that so?  Is he cute?"

     "Very," I answered, kissing his cheek.

     "Well you know what I think he would say if he were here right now?"

     "What?" I asked, nuzzling into his neck.

     "He'd say that you need to sleep," Brian said, pulling away.  "And he
would leave you alone so that you can do it."

     "Actually, do you want to know what I think he'd say?"

     "What?"

     "I think he'd say that I needed to get some sleep, but I think he'd
also say that he would come with me and keep me warm," I said with a smile,
taking his hand.

     "This guy sounds pretty sweet," Brian laughed as I dragged him to the
bedroom.

     "The sweetest," I grinned.

     Brian followed me to the bed, and I pushed him onto it, sitting down
on his thighs and bending over to kiss him.

     "I would have sworn I was here to keep you warm, not to get you hot,"
Brian laughed, pushing me over onto the bed.

     I grinned.  "You could do both," I suggested.

     "Later." He gave me a stern look.  "Right now, we're going to take a
nap together.  Understood?"

     I pouted a little, sticking my lip out.  Brian leaned in and kissed me
again, biting my protuding lip.  I giggled, and he broke the kiss. "I love
you, sweetie," he whispered.

     "I love you too, but I'm going to kill Andrea for telling you about
that," I laughed, yawning again.

     Brain smiled and put his hand on my shoulder.  He rolled me over so I
was facing away from him, then slid in behind me into the spoon position.
He put his arm around my waist and kissed the back of my neck.  "Now
sleep," he ordered.  And I did.


     When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was that Brian was gone.
Rolling over onto my back, I saw that he had closed the bedroom door most
of the way, so he wouldn't disturb me.

     I turned myself around until I was sitting on the edge of the bed, and
listened.  I could hear slight sounds coming from the other room, but
couldn't tell what they were.  Curious, I stood up from the bed and made my
way to the door, pushing it open quietly.

     Brian was watching TV.  He didn't notice me standing there, so I took
a few moments to watch him.  I noticed the way his hair curled forward onto
his forehead and around his ears, and thought about what it felt like to
run my fingers through.  He laughed at something on the TV and I watched as
his adams apple moved, remembering the way he had shuddered when I kissed
it.  Smiling to myself, I glanced around the room and my smile grew with
what I saw.

     I had finished hanging my clothes in the closet when both Brian and
the room service had arrived, but hadn't had a chance to unpack the rest of
my things.  Looking around, my bags were nowhere to be seen, but my stuff
was.  My brush, cologne, shampoo and other personal items were sitting on
the dresser, neatly arranged in front of the mirror.  My computer had been
taken out of the case and set up on the desk along the far wall, along with
my notes and other writing implements.  Brian had unpacked for me.

     I looked back to Brian, who still hadn't seen me, and moved toward
him.  Creeping up behind him, I leaned in and kissed the top of his head.

     He jumped a little, then looked up and smiled.  "What was that for?"
he asked.

     I motioned to the rest of the room.  "This."

     "Well, I woke up, and decided to let you get a bit more sleep.  I
needed something to do while I waited.  Besides, this way I got to look at
all your underwear," he laughed.

     I grinned in return and walked over to my computer.  Deciding that I
should at least check in, I reached out and turned it on.

     I was leafing through my notes when Brian's arms wrapped themselves
around me from behind.  "Don't worry, I didn't peek," he whispered into my
ear.

     I laughed a little.  While I didn't keep my notes in code, they were
close enough.  Essentially, they consisted of the mental ramblings I went
through while I thought about where to take the story.  Much of what was in
the folder in my hands would never make it into the book, but it generally
led me to something that I could use.

     I showed a page to Brian, who looked at it confusedly.  There were
scribbles in the margins, along with little sketches of characters.  Each
separate thought was circled, with little lines coming out of it where I
connected it to another thought, and many of those lines had been scratched
out after a little consideration.

     "I don't think it would have mattered if you had peeked," I laughed.
He shook his head, still trying to make out my scribbles.  "But thank you
anyway."

     "Why don't you recopy it?" he asked.  "I mean, throw out what you
decide not to use, and then copy the rest of it so it's easy to follow?"

     "Because then I lose the feeling for the idea.  Most of this is just
the very bare bones of a story idea.  If I recopy it and try to orgnise
everything, a lot gets lost in the translation," I tried to explain.  It
wasn't the easiest thing to do.  "And I can't throw any of it out, because
a lot of the stuff that I don't use either leads me to things that I can
use, or gets put in a different story."

     "So that makes sense to you?" he asked with a laugh, pointing to the
page I was looking at."

     "As much as it needs to.  All this needs to really do is trigger my
imagination," I said.  "The rest, my mind and my fingers fill in as I
write."

     "I can understand that," he said.  "When I write a song, I usually
start with a really catchy line, then my head fills the rest in around it."

     I nodded.  "That's it exactly.  These are my catchy lines.  When I run
out of direction in the story, I read through these until something catches
my eye, and then I take it and run."

     Brian released me and came around to stand in front of the computer.
Looking at the screen, he started to laugh.  "You really don't trust
anyone, do you?"

     For a moment I wasn't sure what he was getting at, until I looked at
the screen and saw the password box flashing.  I smiled to myself.  "I put
that on there for Andrea," I laughed.  "She was forever screwing with my
screensavers, making 'Nate is a freak' and things like that scroll across
the screen.  The final straw was when I went to show Mom and Dad something
one night and found a picture of a naked man bouncing around my screen."

     Brian was laughing very hard now, and it was hard not to smile.  "So,
I got this and put it on," I said, indicating the flashing box.

     "And that stopped her?" he asked, trying to calm himself.

     "No," I grinned.  "She figured out the password in about five minutes.
She knows me too well.  Eventually, she lost interest in my screensaver,
but I never got rid of the password."

     "So what is it?" he asked slyly.

     "I'm not telling," I grinned.

     Brian pulled out his phone and punched a few numbers.  "Hi, can I
speak with Andrea Cameron please?  Thanks... Hi Andrea, it's Brian... yeah,
he's here... you have no idea how happy," he looked up at me and smiled.
"Yeah, listen, Andrea, what's Nate's computer password?... uh huh... thanks
Andrea, talk to you later."

     Brian hung up and gave me a smug look as he typed a word into the
computer.  The flashing box disappeared and the desktop flashed onto the
screen.

     "You little bastard," I said with a smile, moving around behind him
and resting my chin on his head.

     "All I did was ask.  She told me," he defended himself with a grin.
"Who's 'sarah'?"

     "It was my mother's name," I said quietly, leaning forward to click on
my email program.

     "Oh, that reminds me," Brian said, jumping up out of the chair.  He
reached around behind his neck and unfastened the necklace that I had given
him, then held it out to me.

     "Brian, I told you, I want you to have it," I said, pushing his hand
away.

     "No.  I don't need it anymore.  It's to make sure that I remember you
and what we have together.  I don't need the reminder now.  I don't need to
wear it if you're here.  You're my reminder, and I could never forget you."

     I collapsed into the chair that he had just gotten out of, taking the
necklace and looking at it.  Seeing my face, Brian kneeled in front of me,
asking what was wrong.

     "That's what my father told my mother when he got back that first
time.  He said that he only needed it to remember her when she wasn't
there.  After that, he never wore it when he was home, but always put it on
before he left us again."  I said, looking into Brian's face.

     "Nate, do you want to talk about this?" Brian asked, putting his hand
on my knee.

     I shook my head.  "No, not now.  I'll tell you, Brian, but it's going
to take a long time, and I don't feel up to it right now," I said, wiping
the tear out of the corner of my eye.

     "It's okay," he said lovingly.  "When you're ready to talk about it,
I'll be here."  I nodded to let him know I was okay.  "Alright, you have
some things to work on.  I'm going to go and get ready for the concert.  I
promised the guys that I'd be there early in case there were some changes
that had to be made.  Do you want to come with me?"

     "Yeah.  You go get ready, I'm just going to check my mail and then
I'll be ready."

     "Alright.  I'll be back in a few minutes," he said, standing and
giving me another kiss before he headed for his own room.

     I watched him go, wondering how I got to be lucky enough to have him
love me, then turned back to the computer.  I clicked on my inbox and saw
that there were only three messages, and only one of them was about work.
Sighing to myself, I clicked that one first, to get it out of the way.

     It was from Carrie, and turned out not to really be that bad at all.
She was just letting me know that she liked the changes that I had sent her
on the latest pages, and urging me to take a little time to enjoy with
Brian.  But not too much time.  She reminded me three times in the course
of the short message that I had promised her some new pages by the end of
the week.

     I grinned to myself and wrote a quick note back, letting her know that
I had arrived, and that I would have the pages done.

     Finishing that, I clicked on the next message, which was from Andrea.
I read it over quickly, seeing that it wasn't anything urgent.  She just
wanted to touch base and make sure that I had made it to Chicago.

     I decided that I would wait and talk to her on the phone later, and
opened the last message.

     It was from Erron, letting me know that the apartment was fine.
Apparently, though, his wasn't doing so well.  He had been robbed a couple
of days ago, he said, and had lost his stereo, TV, and computer. He was
emailing from work.  I sent him back a quick email telling him how sorry I
was, and to move into my place earlier than planned if it would make him
feel safer.

     That done, I shut the computer down and walked to the closet to find
something to wear.  Throwing the clothes on the bed, I headed for the
bathroom to get a quick shower before I had to leave with Brian.  Turning
the water on, I quickly undressed and stepped under the spray.

     The hot water felt incredible as I washed away the weariness that the
nap couldn't touch. Feeling much better, I stepped out and wrapped a towel
around myself, walking back out into the bedroom to get dressed.

     Brian came in as I was finishing buttoning my shirt.  "Hey sweetie.
You ready to go?" he asked as he entered.

     "Yeah," I replied, tucking the shirt in.

     "No, leave it out," he said, reaching over and pulling my shirt back
out of my pants.  "We've got to get you to loosen up."

     I looked down at myself.  "But I look like a slob," I complained.

     "But a cute one," he said with a grin, stealing a kiss.

     I sighed and gave up.  Grabbing my watch from the nightstand, I
fastened it around my wrist and grabbed Brian's hand.  "Fine, you win.  But
I'm not wearing sweatpants," I laughed.

     Brian smiled and we walked to the door, where I grabbed my jacket and
scarf.  Brian locked the door as I put them on, and we headed for the
elevators.

     Again, the ride was too long, but this time, it wasn't quite as
uneventful.  Taking advantage of the slow ride and the fact that we had the
car to ourselves, Brian pressed me against the wall and started kissing my
neck.

     "Brian, what if the door opens?"

     "Then someone's getting a free show," he laughed softly into my ear.

     Brian broke away as soon as the bell sounded, and by the time the
doors had opened, we were looking like two ordinary people sharing an
elevator.  Brian had the desk call to bring the limo around, and we walked
to the doors to wait for it.
 
     The sound was almost deafening.  As soon as the girls saw Brian, they
went nuts.  Luckily, the security people were able to keep a path to the
street, and soon the limo pulled up.  One of the security workers opened
the back door and motioned for us.

     I heard Brian take a deep breath, and then he was gone, running
throught the small path to the car.  I laughed and took off after him,
trying to avoid being pulled into the crowd.

     When I reached the car, I noticed that the security guard holding the
door was the same one that had refused to let me in the hotel.  Grinning to
him, I leaned in and shouted above the noise.

     "I guess there are a few 24 year old fans!"

     His eyes grew larger when he recognised me, then he smiled.  Jumping
into the car, I found Brian waiting for me.  The guard slammed the door
behind me, and the limo eased away from the hotel, going slowly to avoid
hurting anyone.

     "Whew!" I said, sitting back in the seat.  "How do you handle that all
the time?"

     "You just laugh and have a little fun with it.  When you're feeling
extra cocky, you stop and chat with someone.  It drives the security people
crazy when you do that," he laughed, taking my hand.

     I shook my head.  "If that's fame, I don't want anything to do with
it," I said.

     "Too late," he grinned.

     "What are you talking about?"

     "I'm talking about them," he said, pointing out the side window at
people still taking pictures of the limo.  "Do you know how many pictures
of you just got taken?"

     "But they don't even know who I am," I protested, looking out at the
throng of people.

     "That doesn't matter.  They saw you with a Backstreet Boy.  If nothing
else, that's enough for them to want to find out who you are.  And once
they find out that you're our favourite author Nathaniel Healy, they'll be
going ape-shit over you."  Brian laughed at the horror-stricken look on my
face.

     "So I have that to look forward to now?"

     "Well, it's not generally that bad, and it's still mostly for the
band.  But make no mistake about it, my friend, your popularity is about to
take a leap.  You better get used to it if you're going to be on the tour
with us."  Brian was having a great time watching me squirm at the thought.

     "Won't they want to know what I'm doing on the tour?  It seems a
little strange to just have me tagging along with you guys, doesn't it?"

     "Well, we're working on something to tell them.  Kevin wanted to run a
couple of ideas by you and see which one you were most comfortable with.
Yeah, they're going to want to know.  And no matter what we tell them,
there are going to be rumours."

     I nodded.  "I figured as much.  And the guys are still okay with my
coming along?"

     "Trust me, everyone's fine with it.  We'll just have to come up with
something plausible to tell the media when they ask.  And once those
pictures are developed and people realise it was you," he said, leaning
into the seat next to me, "they'll be asking alright."


     PART 31

     "Nate!"  Nick yelled when he saw me.  He ran over and gave me a hug,
then stood back with a smile.  "So that's why Brian stayed at the hotel."

     Brian grinned and sat down on the couch in the dressing room.  By the
greeting that I got from AJ, and the surprised look on Howie's face, it was
obvious that Kevin and Brian hadn't told them that I would be there.

     "I knew you were going to join on the tour, but I didn't think it
would be so soon," AJ grinned as he hugged me.  "How come no one told us
you were coming?"

     "Well, it was supposed to be a surprise for Brian.  Actually, I
thought Kevin would have told you guys.  I guess he wanted to surprise you
too," I explained, sitting down beside Brian and resting my hand on his
leg.  "But Brian found out and surprised me instead."

     AJ laughed as Brian told him how much I had jumped when he surprised
me in the hotel room.

     "We never did eat that pie," Brian laughed.

     "It's just not the same without Nick there with us, wolfing down two
pieces at the same time," I grinned.

     "Hey!" Nick protested.  "I'm a growing boy!"

     "You're growing, alright," AJ laughed, poking him.  "Horizontally."

     Brian and I laughed as Nick lunged at AJ, jumping on his back.

     With a grin, AJ pretended to crumple to the floor under Nick's weight.
Panting, he lay on his stomache, moaning about his broken back.  Howie
grinned and threw a pillow at Nick, knocking him off of AJ.  Nick laughed
and attacked Howie with the pillow, while AJ dramatically got up and
hobbled to a chair.

     "So you're with us for the long haul?"  he asked, dropping down in the
chair opposite the couch Brian and I were sitting on.

     "Until you guys kick me out or bore me to death," I grinned.

     "Well, I can't imagine kicking you out, and I'm sure Brian can keep
you occupied enough for the rest of us," he laughed, watching Brian blush.

     "Then I guess you're stuck with me," I smiled, squeezing Brian's knee.

     "Nate!"  Kevin said happily, coming into the room.  "I see you got
your surprise."

     "Hey Kevin!" I said, shaking his hand.  "Yeah, I got it.  Remind me
never to tell you a secret again, though."

     "Sorry man, he figured it out.  I had to tell him.  Besides, I didn't
think you'd mind getting to spend the afternoon with him," he smiled.

     "Well you're right about that," I conceded.  "Thanks again for
everything.  The room's great."

     "No problem.  Nothing but the best for family," he smiled as he sat
down on the back of AJ's chair.  Brian smiled at his referring to me as
family.

     "Thanks," I grinned.  "Brian said you had a couple of things that you
wanted to run by me about what we're going to be telling the press about my
joining you?"

     "Oh, yeah.  Well, it's inevitable that they're going to find out."

     Brian laughed.  "They're already working on it.  The mob at the hotel
got some great pictures of him following me to the limo."

     "Okay, so they will probably know by the Q&A after the concert.
They're bound to be asking questions.  There are a couple things that we
came up with that most of them will believe.  You'll always have one or two
drawing their own conclusions, though, if you know what I mean."

     I nodded.  "I think I have a pretty good idea.  Which one of you do
you think they'll have me dating first?" I asked with a smile.

     "Well, I have to say that I hope it's not Brian.  That way you can
deny it without having to lie," Kevin smiled back.

     "So what were you thinking about telling them?"

     "Well, one idea was to tell them that you were going to be helping us
out with a sort of tour diary.  Kind of a behind the scenes look at the
band and what it takes to put something like this on."

     I nodded again.  "That would work.  I mean, we've already established
that we're friends, so we could say that you wanted someone that you were
comfortable with."

     "That's what we were thinking.  Another thought was to tell them that
you were taking a break from writing your next book, but that's only good
for a little while," Brian spoke up.

     "I don't think that one would really work, though," I said.  "I mean,
the book is on schedule.  If it comes out when it's supposed to, it should
be obvious, especially to those in the publishing industry and media, that
I was working on it.  Besides, people will want to know how we hooked up,
and we'll have to tell them that I was already on a break from the book
during those three weeks."

     Kevin sighed.  "You're right.  That one's no good."

     Nick came and sat on the arm of the couch beside me.  "Remember what
you told me about how you create characters?  About picking them out of a
crowd?"  I nodded for him to continue.  "Well, what if we say that we were
talking about that, and you mentioned that you wanted a change of pace
while you wrote your new book?"

     "You get to spice up your schedule a little bit, and you get access to
more crowds than you can count," AJ laughed.

     I liked it.  "I actually used something like that on my agent when I
was trying to convince her to agree to this," I laughed.

     "Why don't you combine the two?" Howie said.  It was the first time he
had spoken during the conversation, and all of our eyes turned to him.

     "What do you mean, Howie?" I asked.

     "Well, what if you said that you were with us so that you could get a
new perspective on the book you're writing, and as a way of paying us back
for inviting you along, you're going to be working on a tour diary for us.
The fans will be so happy about that that they probably won't ask too many
questions.  It would also explain you hanging around on the bus with us,
and at the hotel."

     I looked around at Brian, Kevin, AJ, and Nick.  I could tell that they
were as surprised with Howie's contribution as I was, and that they all
knew it was a great idea.

     We agreed on the story, and agreed that they would announce my joining
the tour if, and only if, someone mentioned it at the Q&A session.  No one
would bring it up until someone in the media did.

     With that out of the way, Kevin announced that they had to go and get
dressed for the show.  I opted to wander around backstage while they
prepared instead of joining them.  Brian disappeared for a moment, and came
back with a pass on a strap.

     Putting the strap over my head, he leaned in and kissed me.  "Don't
get lost.  I want to see you while we're up there," he whispered in my ear.

     I grinned and gave him another quick kiss before Kevin dragged him out
of the room.  "Don't worry, I'll be there," I called after him.

     Looking down at the pass around my neck, I was surprised to see that
it wasn't just a backstage pass, but an all-access one.  Grinning to myself
and feeling important, I left the dressing room and started to stroll
around, hoping that I would be stopped so I could show the pass.

     I got my wish as I approached the stage.  The lights were out, but the
crowd was already seated and screaming.  Working up my bravery, I took a
step out onto the stage.  There were workers running all over it, setting
up last minute preparations and testing the mics.

     I was almost to centre stage when I heard someone yell at me.

     "Hey!  You're not supposed to be out here!" a large, burly man said,
walking over to me and taking my arm.  He started to lead me to the front
of the stage, where a set of stairs had been set up.

     I struggled to get out of his grip, but he had a firm hold, so I tried
instead to turn and face him.  "I'm not an escaped fan!" I yelled at him,
trying to make him hear me.  I grabbed my pass and waved it at him.

     Seeing it, he took it and pulled it closer so that he could read it in
the dim light.  Since it was still around my neck, he also pulled my head
to a rather awkward angle as he did so.

     "You're still not supposed to be up here," he grumbled.

     "Well if you'll let go of my arm, I'll go backstage!"

     He let go of me, and I rubbed my arm where he had held it, trying to
get the blood back into my lower arm.  The man walked away without saying
anything else, and I walked back into the curtained backstage area.

     I got back to the dressing room without having to show anyone else my
pass, and found the guys dressed and waiting to be called to the stage.
Brian smiled when he saw me, and scooted over on the couch for me to sit
down.

     I returned the smile, but sat on his lap instead.  Nick grinned and
leaned back on the couch, putting his legs up where Brian had intended for
me to sit.

     "I don't know how you guys do it.  That stage is enormous!" I
exclaimed, playing with Brian's hair.

     "You were on stage?" Kevin asked.

     I nodded.  "And believe me it took a lot of courage.  There are
thousands of people out there, all screaming and yelling.  I couldn't do it
with the lights on me, I can tell you that."

     "It took more courage than you know," Nick giggled.  "I can't believe
he actually let you out on stage."

     "Who?"

     "Duke.  Huge guy, dark suit.  He's the stage manager."

     "Ah," I said with a smile, rubbing my arm.  "He would be the one who
was about to throw me into the crowd."

     The guys all laughed.  "Yeah, that would be him," AJ agreed.  "He's a
great guy once you get to know him.  A little scary at first though," he
laughed.

     There was a knock at the door.  Kevin shot me a look, but it took me a
moment to figure out why, then Brian cleared his throat.  I jumped up off
of his lap, landing on the couch just as Nick moved his feet.

     Kevin laughed and opened he door.  "It's time guys," an assistant
said, sticking her head in the doorway.

     Everyone stood and made their way out into the backstage area.  Brian
led me to a little alcove off of the stage, which had an incredible view,
then leaned in to whisper something to me.  Instead of saying anything, he
kissed me behind the ear, sending a shudder through my body and making me
smile.

     Brian laughed to himself and ran over to join the rest of the guys to
go on stage.  I grinned and waved at them as the music started and they ran
out to the screams of thousands of fans.

     
     About halfway through the show, Duke came walking over to me and
offered me his hand.  "Sorry about before.  You have no idea how
nerve-wracking it is trying to get this thing going," he said with a smile,
indicating the show.

     I returned the smile and took his hand.  My own was immediately
engulfed in his much larger and stronger one.  "Duke, right?" I said.  He
nodded, releasing my hand.  "I'm Nate."

     "Good to meet you Nate," he said.  We were both yelling more than
speaking, trying to be heard above the music.  "So what brings you to the
show?  And how did you manage to get one of those?" He indicated my
all-access pass.

     "Actually, I'm going to be coming to quite a few of these," I grinned.
"I'm friends with the guys," I said, pointing to the stage.  "I'm going to
be on tour with them for a while.  Brian got me the pass."

     Just then a stage worker came running up with some sort of emergency,
and pulled Duke away with him.  "Good meeting you!" he called behind him.
"If you're going to be around for a while, I'm sure we'll get talking
again."

     I waved as he was pulled away and turned my attention back to the
stage, where they were just getting ready to take a quick break to change
for the second half of the show.  A group of dancers went running by me out
onto the stage to entertain the crowd for a few minutes, and then the guys
came rushing off the stage.  Brian grabbed my hand on the way by and I was
pulled with them to the dressing room.

     While they were on stage, someone had been in and laid out the outfits
for them to change into, and everyone immediately started stripping down.

     "You know how many people would kill to see this?" I laughed as they
all stood before me in their boxers.

     Nick laughed and threw his sweaty shirt at me.  Knocking it out of the
way, I sat down on the couch so that I would be out of the way.  Brian
finished changing first, and sat beside me.

     "So?  What do you think so far?"

     "It's great!" I said enthusiastically.  "You guys put on quite a
show."

     "I saw you talking to Duke a few minutes ago," Nick said, sitting down
on the arm of the couch.  "He wasn't trying to throw you out again, was
he?"

     "No, he came over to apologise for before and to introduce himself.
Nice guy," I replied.

     Nick nodded his agreement.  "Just wait till you see him mad," he
laughed.

     Kevin, Howie and AJ finished dressing just as an assistant appeared to
see how things were going.  Brian followed the rest of the guys back to the
stage, after a quick kiss.

     I got back to my vantage point just as the dancers were coming off
stage again, out of breath.  Several of them looked to me, probably
wondering what I was doing there, but no one stopped to ask.  I just smiled
and gave them a small wave, then turned back to watch Brian and the guys.


     I could see why concerts took so much out of them.  By the time they
were done and filing back off the stage, I was sweating just from watching
them.  Their faces were red, but they were all wearing smiles.  I can
imagine that it must be quite a rush up there, feeling the love of all
those people.  Panting, they made their way past me.  Brian shouted dibs on
the shower, and took off running for the dressing room, with Nick and AJ
running after him, both trying to get there first.

     Kevin laughed at them, then threw his arm around me, dragging me along
with him and Howie at a slower pace.

     "Uh, Kev?" I asked, looking over at him.

     "Yeah?"

     "Um, not that I mind your arm or anything, but you kinda smell," I
laughed, picking up his wrist and moving it back around my head.

     "Oh that's nice," Kevin grinned.  "You try doing that," he pointed to
the stage, "and we'll see how rosy fresh you are!"

     "Hey, you're the one who chose to be in a band.  I rarely work up a
sweat writing."

     Kevin smiled at me and pulled me into a headlock, giving me a vicious
noogie.

     I yelled and broke away from him, running to the dressing room and
closing the door behind me.  Nick and AJ started laughing as soon as they
saw me.

     "Let me guess," Nick said, pointing to my head.  "Kevin got ahold of
you."

     I nodded and looked in the mirror fastened to the wall.  My hair was a
mess.  Kevin came in while I was trying to fix it.  Coming over, he grabbed
my head in both hands and started to really mess it up.  By the time he was
done, I looked vaguely like I had been through a wind tunnel.

     Grinning, Kevin moved away again and sat down with Nick, who was still
laughing at me.

     "Boy you guys stink!" Brian said, coming into the room after his
shower.  Then he caught sight of me and started to laugh as well.
"Sweetie, I said we had to loosen you up.  You didn't have to completely
fall apart on me!"

     "Thank your cousin!" I grinned as Howie ran into the bathroom.  "First
he tried to put his sweaty arms around me, now he's playing with my hair.
I think he's trying to steal me away from you," I said with an evil grin
towards Kevin, who blushed, but didn't say anything.

     "Well is it working?" Brian asked, coming over and helping me regain
some form of style.

     "Nah, he's a little too feminine for my tastes," I laughed, glancing
at Kevin in the mirror.  He stuck his tongue out at me, making me laugh
harder.

     "Geez," Brian sighed dramatically.  "First Nick can't seem to stay out
of your bed, and now my own cousin is hitting on you.  Whatever will I do?"

     "Didn't you tell Andrea that you had a plan to make him yours
forever?" Nick piped up.  He could barely get the last few words out he was
laughing so hard.

     "What areyou talking..."  The light behind Brian's eyes lit up
suddenly as he remembered what he had told Andrea.  "How did you know about
that?"

     "Hello?  I was there, Bri.  Nate asked you what you told her, and then
you said that you told her you would wine him and dine him, and then you
would..."

     "I remember!" Brian said, cutting him off before he could tell the
rest of the room.  "I remember Nick.  I just wish you didn't."

     "What did he say?"  AJ asked immediately, turning toward Nick.  Nick's
face suddenly got a devious look to it, and he glanced at Brian.

     "Don't you dare, Nick," Brian said, blushing.

     Nick glanced up to me standing behind Brian.  I took a look at Brian,
then silently shook my head at Nick.  Seeing how serious I was, Nick leaned
back on the couch.  "Sorry, man.  It wasn't something I was supposed to
hear.  I can't tell you."

     AJ let out a sigh of disappointment, but Brian and I let out sighs of
relief.  Kevin had watched all of this without comment.  Finally he spoke
up.  "Yeah, come on AJ.  We can't know everything that goes on between
them.  Personally, I wouldn't want to," he said with a smile as he looked
our way.

     I finished in the mirror, then hugged Brian from behind.  Placing his
hands on mine, he leaned back into me with a smile.  I rested my head on
his shoulder and inheled deeply, smelling his cologne and shampoo.
"Mmmmm," I said quietly.  "You smell much better than these guys."

     Brian sighed and smiled up at me as Howie came back into the room,
causing both Kevin and Nick to jump up from the couch.  Kevin who was
closest, started for the door, but Nick jumped on his back, slowing him
down considerably.

     "No you don't I called it!  It's bad enough the Howie got in there!"
Nick laughed, clinging to Kevin, who was still slowly but surely going
toward the door.

     AJ leapt up from his seat and dashed in the door before either Nick or
Kevin could stop him, and we all clearly heard the door lock and AJ
laughing.  "You snooze you lose!" he yelled through the door.

     Kevin and Nick stood there staring at the door.  "See what you did?"
Kevin smiled, throwing Nick back down on the couch.

     "What I did?  You're the one who tried to butt in line!" Nick retorted
with a grin.

     "You could shower together," I suggested with a smile.  Their arguing
came to an abrupt halt, and Brian and I laughed.


     Once everyone was showered and dressed again, they were escorted to a
conference room, where they would talk to the press for a few minutes
before heading back to the hotel.

     I stayed behind in the dressing room, since it had been decided that
until someone asked about my presence, I would keep a low profile.  They
were gone for about twenty minutes, then came walking back into the room
with smiles on their faces.

     "You must be harder to identify than we thought," Brian smiled,
kissing me on the cheek and taking my hand.

     "No one asked?" I questioned.

     "Not a single person wanted to know why we have a best-selling author
running around hotels with us," Kevin laughed.  "Enjoy your anonymity while
it lasts."

     "How long do you think it will take before someone puts it together?"

     "Who knows?" AJ said.  "Sometimes we do something and it takes weeks
to make it to the papers, other times, it's in the next edition.  Depends
on whether or not they can dig up anything interesting on you.  After all,
what kind of story is it that you happen to come to a concert with us?"

     I had to agree with him on that.  "Well, the only thing I can think
of, besides my being with Brian of course, is my being gay, but that's
public knowledge.  Surely they wouldn't connect me with one of you guys
simply because you know me and I'm gay?"

     "Stranger things have happened," Kevin said.  "There's no telling what
they'll say to sell papers."

     "Well, they aren't saying it yet, so why don't we get back to the
hotel?"  Howie suggested.  "I'm beat."

     We all agreed with him, and we were soon being escorted through a
small contingent of fans to the limo.  I jumped in, leaving the guys behind
me to sign a few autographs and hug a few people.

     Finally, they got in with me an we pulled away.

     "So what are you guys up to tomorrow?" I asked.

     "You mean what are 'we' up to tomorrow, don't you?" Nick asked,
indicating all of us.

     "Fine.  What are we up to tomorrow?" I laughed.

     "Travelling mostly," Kevin responded with a yawn.  "We have to get on
the bus at noon, and we'll be heading for Cincinnati, then after a couple
of days there, we'll be heading for Lexington for a few days of promos and
rest."

     "So you guys get to see your families," I said, looking at Kevin and
Brian.  Brian nodded excitedly, but Kevin shook his head.

     "My family is out of the country right now.  Figures.  I finally get a
couple of days at home, and they take off."

     Nick started laughing.  "Hey, if I found out you were coming, I'd
leave too."

     Kevin punched Nick in the arm and smiled.  "Don't worry about it.  I'd
never voluntarily visit you."

     "So, are you going to tell your parents about Nate?" AJ asked Brian,
and immediately regretted it when he saw the look on his face.  "Sorry," he
said.  "I just wondered."

     I could actually feel Brian tremble a little bit against me, and I
rested my hand on his chest, trying to calm him.  "Don't worry about it," I
whispered into his ear.  "You can tell them when you're ready."

     Brian was quiet the rest of the way to the hotel.  AJ obviously felt
bad about having upset him, but I smiled, trying to assure him that
everything would be okay.  Nick, Kevin and Howie all seemed equally
concerned about him, but none of them spoke, letting him work it out
himself.

     When we got to the hotel, I took my hand out of Brian's, preparing to
make a run for it behind the guys.  This seemed to break through to Brian,
who looked up with a question in his eyes.

     "Don't worry," I said with a smile.  "You get it back as soon as we're
away from anyone who might see."

     A smile broke out on his face, and Kevin threw the door open.  There
were far fewer fans outside the hotel now, but there were still quite a few
people.  Presumably, they were those who were unable to get tickets to the
concert, and were hoping to get at least a glimpse of the boys.

     Kevin ran out of the car and up the steps of the hotel, followed by
Howie, Nick, AJ, Brian, and I.  He held the door open as the rest of us
filed past, then closed it behind him.  With a collective sigh, we made our
way to the elevators and bundled in.

     As promised, as soon as the doors closed, I took Brian's hand again.

     "Hey! Who's holding my hand?" AJ laughed, making me blush.

     "Uh, that would be me," I said, embarrassed.  "I was looking for
someone else."

     I released AJ's hand and found another.  This time, it closed around
mine and I saw Brian smile at me, and I knew I had the right one.  I smiled
back and waited for the doors to open.

     When they did, we piled out of the elevator and into the hall.

     "So everyone's going to bed?" Kevin asked with a yawn.  Nick and Howie
nodded, and AJ yawned, which was answer enough.

     Brian looked at me, then turned to Kevin.  "Yeah, us too."

     Kevin smiled at that and bid everyone goodnight.  We broke up and each
headed to our rooms, with Brian and I starting for mine.  I unlocked the
door, and we stepped inside.  With a groan, I let my coat drop to the floor
and kicked off my shoes, with Brian following suit.  I took his hand and
started to pull him toward the bedroom, but he stayed where he was.

     "Nate, we have to talk about something," he said, pulling me to the
sitting area instead.  Taking a seat at the end of the couch, he rested his
back in the corner of it and threw his right leg up onto the cushions, then
pulled me down so I was sitting in front of him, leaning back on his chest.

     "What's wrong?"  I asked.

     "Nothing's really wrong," he replied quietly, running his hands
through my hair.  "I just had to talk to you about something."

     "Well, go ahead.  You can tell me anything."

     "Remember our last night in LA?" he asked, laying his hands over my
shoulders and bringing them together on my chest.  I could feel him
breathing under me as his chest rose and fell.

     "Of course I do.  It was wonderful," I answered, unsure of where he
was going with all of this.

     "Yes, it was," he agreed.  "But I don't think I'm ready for it yet."

     "What do you mean?"  I asked, twisting my head around to look him in
the eye.

     "Well, it was right that night, you know?  I was leaving in the
morning, and we weren't sure when we would be together again.  We shared
something very special.  But now that you're here, and we have the time, I
don't think we should rush into something like that again."

     He seemed surprised to find me smiling at him.

     "You're not upset?" he asked, looking down at my face.

     "Brian, how could I be upset at you?  I was thinking pretty much the
same thing."

     "You were?"

     I nodded.  "I mean, you're right.  That night was exactly what we both
wanted and needed, faced with the possibility of not seeing each other for
weeks, but that doesn't mean that we have to be going at it like bunnies,"
I laughed.  "Why do you think I had Kevin get me a separate room?"

     "I thought it was so that we wouldn't traumatise Nick again," he
grinned.

     "No.  I told Kevin to get me my own room, and to make sure that you
kept sharing a room with Nick.  Our relationship is already abnormal
enough, Brian.  If I'm going to get to spend time with you and develop it,
I have to be here with you.  But how many people just starting out in a
relationship immediately move in together?  They may sleep over
occasionally, but they don't generally come home to the same house after
only a month."

     "So you don't want to share a room?"

     "Eventually, we probably will.  But right now, I think we'll both need
the space.  There's nothing saying that we can't share a bed, but we can't
spend every minute with each other, or we'll wind up killing each other,
and maybe one or two of the guys."

     Brian laughed at that.

     "If we each have our own rooms, we get to have that space from each
other when we need it, and we get to have somewhere that we can be alone
when we want that too.  Brian, I love you, and I don't regret what happened
in LA, but we've both got to be ready, and I don't think either one of us
are right now."

     He kissed the top of my head.  "Thank you."

     "Don't thank me," I laughed.  "Besides, you've got to wine me and dine
me first."

     Brian blushed and slapped my arm.  "Quiet you!"

     "So, do you want to go back to your room, or do you think we can
handle sleeping together in one bed?" I asked with a grin.

     "Sleeping I can manage," he laughed.

     "Good.  Let's go.  I'm tired," I said with a smile, taking his arms
and pulling them up over my head so I could get off of the couch.  "And
you've got to be exhausted after that concert."

     Brian nodded sleepily and let me pull him up from the couch and lead
him into the bedroom.

To Be Continued...

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