Date: Fri, 27 Aug 1999 12:21:09 EDT
From: D LS <dls_stories@hotmail.com>
Subject: Brian & Me Parts 36-39

Okay, first things first. This story is a complete work of fiction, and is
not meant to imply anything about anyone. While some of the characters
maybe loosely based on real people that I know, none are meant to actually
represent anyone, particularly any of the members of the Backstreet Boys.
We may wish that they were gay, and maybe some of them even are, but I'm
certainly not about to say that they are. :)

As usual, if you are offended or made uncomfortable by material concerning
sexual relations between consenting adult men, lighten up or go somewhere
else. Also, if it is in any way illegal for you to be reading this type of
thing, please don't. Or do, just don't get caught and feel *very*
guilty. ;)

If any of the BSB happen to be reading this (hey, we can dream can't we?),
feel free to drop me a line and let me know what you think.

I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to write, and encourage
them and others to keep doing so. It's nice to see that people like the
story. Also, I happen to be an email junkie (which anyone who has emailed
already could attest to) and I live for new mail. :)

***Thanks to Tyler, Lauren, Lukas, Matty, Jake, and everyone else who has
taken the time to write, for their extra-nice comments. It makes it much
easier to sit down and write with people like you to encourage me.

***The standard (though certainly no less special) thanks also to JB and EG
(author of Adam, Zach and BSB - a very good story, do check it out), both
of whom read over what you are about to read, either in whole or in part,
and offered their opinions. There is no doubt that the story is better than
it would have been without them.

Drop me a line at DLS_stories@hotmail.com and let me know what you think

Enjoy!


     PART 36

     I put my arm around Brian's waist and led him out the door, leaving
the luggage for Kevin to bring.  I got Brian to Kevin's rental car and
opened the back door, ushering Brian in and climbing in beside him.  I sat
and held him while Kevin talked with Jackie for a moment, then arrived at
the car with the bags.

     Throwing them in the trunk, he came back around and got in the car.
"Brian?  Are you alright?"

     "Can we just leave, please Kev?"  Brian pleaded against my chest.  I
gave Kevin a scared look.

     "Sure Bri," he said, starting the engine.

     I looked up in time to see Jackie standing on the front step of the
house before Kevin turned and drove away.  There were tears streaming down
her face, but I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for her.

     Brian cried all the way back to the hotel.  I managed to get him to
quiet down and cleaned his face a little as Kevin pulled in and gave the
keys to the valet.  I took Brian by the arm and led him into the hotel and
to the elevators, leaving Kevin to arrange to have the luggage brought up.

     Kevin caught up to us as the elevator doors opened and gave me the key
to his room, explaining that Brian didn't have a reservation.  He excused
himself and went to get another room for us.

     Brian started to shudder against me as the elevator rose, and I held
him tightly, telling him over and over again that I loved him and that it
would be okay.  I had to practically carry him to Kevin's room when we
reached the right floor, and led him inside.

     I sat him on the bed and raised his face to the light.  He looked like
he had been crying for a month.  His eyes were red and swollen, and both
cheeks were wet.  I brought my thumbs to his face and wiped away the tears,
then gave him a brief kiss.

     "What did I do?"  he wailed, falling back on the bed.

     "Something very courageous," I said, laying down beside him and
looking him in the eyes.  "I'm very proud of you."

     "For what?  Falling apart?"

     "You didn't fall apart, Brian.  You stood up for something that you
knew was right.  It didn't go as well as any of us would have liked, but
you survived.  She'll come around," I said, laying my hand on his arm.

     "What if she doesn't?" he asked, resting his cheek on my hand.

     "She will," Kevin said from the doorway.  "Give her some time."

     "Kev..."  Brian started, but couldn't finish.

     Kevin came over to the bed and knelt beside him.  "Shhhh.  Brian,
everything's going to be alright.  You should get some rest.  Things will
turn around."  He stroked Brian's hair while he talked to him.

     Looking up at me, Kevin handed me a key.  "I got you the room right
next door to this one.  Maybe you should take him there so he can get some
sleep."

     I nodded and stood up.  Leaning over, I picked Brian up and carried
him to the door.  He threw his arms around me and rested his head on my
shoulder.  Kevin opened the door and I carried him down the hall.

     Fumbling with the key, I finally managed to get it open without
dropping Brian, and carried him inside, kicking the door shut behind me.

     I placed Brian gently on the bed, then sat down beside him, pulling
his head into my lap.  Looking down at him, I felt the tears start again
and willed them away.  I stroked Brian's hair and tried to calm him down
until his eyes slipped shut and his breathing became more regular.

     I stayed with him for a few more minutes, making sure that he was
going to rest for awhile, then eased his head up and slipped a pillow under
it.  I tiptoed to the bedroom door and closed it behind me, leaving it open
a little so that I could hear if Brian woke up and wanted me.

     I met the bellboy at the door and got our things, giving him a big
tip.  I quickly found the computer bag.  Opening it, I withdrew a new legal
pad.  I reached into one of the side pockets and got out my favourite pen
and then sat down at the writing desk in the room.

     I paused for a moment, then began to write.  I used every ounce of
writing ability I had in me, and rewrote the letter several times over
before I was convinced that it was as good as it was going to get.



Dear Harold and Jackie,

There is a saying that my mother taught me when I was a child and I asked
her why she had fallen in love with my father, and I wanted to share it
with you.

Nothing is less in our power than the heart, and far from commanding, we
are forced to obey it.  Jean-Jacques Rousseau

I have seen you together, and the love that you obviously share makes it
clear that you understand the sentiment of this statement.

Brian and I didn't choose to fall in love.  It happened, and we are doing
our best to deal with it.  I can only ask you to believe that I have done
nothing to Brian but try to return the love that he has shown me.

I have seen you and Brian together, and I know that you can't truly hate
him for who he is.  I am hoping that, once you have time to absorb what he
has told you, you will come to see that he is still very much the little
boy you raised.

I know that you resent me, and I am sorry for that.  I had hoped that we
could be friends.  I see now that this may never be possible, but I ask
that you please at least try to accept my relationship with Brian.  I can
handle you resenting me, even loathing me, but I can't handle looking into
Brian's eyes and seeing the pain of what happened today.

I know that I have no right to ask this, but, because of my love for your
son, I do so anyway. Please.

Sincerely,

Nate



     I withdrew an envelope from the desk and placed the letter inside,
then sealed and addressed it.  Taking the envelope, I stood from the desk
and checked on Brian.  While I was away, he had curled up into something
very closely resembling the fetal position, but was still sleeping.

     I turned away from the door and walked to the balcony.  Sliding the
door part-way closed behind me, I pulled out my phone and dialed.

     The tears started as I listened to it ring.

     "Hello?"

     "Hey Andy," I said into the phone, sitting down in one of the lounge
chairs.  "It's me."

     "Nate?  What's wrong?"

     "What's not?" I asked her with a quiet sob.

     "Nate, hold on for a minute," she said.  I heard a slight noise as she
placed her hand over the phone, then muffled voices.  A moment later, she
came back on.  "Okay, I just had to get rid of someone.  Now what happened?
Did you and Brian have a fight?"

     "No, but I do have a hand-print on my face," I answered, raising my
hand to my cheek.  Feeling the wetness there, I wiped away the tears and
tried to regain my composure.

     "Who hit you?"

     "Brian's mom."

     "Oh hell.  He told her?"

     "Yeah, he did," I sighed.  "I was staying with him at their house for
the few days that we're here, and this morning at breakfast Kevin came
rushing in with a bunch of tabloids-"

     "I saw them, but we'll get to that," she interrupted.

     "Okay.  Well, we were talking about what we're going to do about the
stories, and once Jackie - that's Brian's mom - found out that I was gay,
she started to talk about how it might be better if I just left the tour.
Brian refused, and then they went into the next room and started arguing,
and he kind of just blurted it out."

     "And she didn't exactly like the idea, eh?"

     "That's a bit of an understatement.  She threw him out of the house,
then slapped me while we were leaving."

     "How's Brian?" she asked.

     "He's sleeping.  Kevin drove us back to the hotel and got us a room.
I don't know what to do for him, Andy.  I can't think of anything that will
help." I sighed and leaned back on the cushion of the chair.

     "Well, if he's sleeping right now, don't worry about it.  Take a few
minutes and get yourself together.  You'll know what to do when you need to
do it," she comforted.

     "I don't know.  I mean, I thought that I knew what he was going
through, because I knew what it was like to be afraid to tell your parents.
But now, I'm lost.  I never had to deal with anything like this.  I never
told them."

     "Nate.  You've got to stop worrying about being there for Brian.  You
are there for him.  You'll both get through this together.  In a way, you
should be able to relate to what he's going through," Andrea said calmly.

     "What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, more harshly than I
had intended.

     "Nate, calm down or you'll just make things worse."

     "Sorry," I apologised.  "I'm a little tense."

     "That's understandable, but you can't show that around Brian, or
you'll just upset him more," she said lovingly.  "Now, what Brian's dealing
with, essentially, is the loss of his parents.  Who knows more about that
than you do?"

     "It's not the same Andy."

     "Not exactly, but pretty close," she insisted.  "They may not have
died, but they're certainly not there for him right now.  Think about it.
When you lost your parents, they were there one minute and gone the next.
That's what just happened to Brian.  One minute they were a happy family,
and the next his mom was kicking him out."

     "But..." I started to protest again.

     "Shut up and listen," she returned.  "Think back to what you felt
like, and what you needed when you felt alone.  That's probably what he
needs right now."

     "But can I give it to him?" I asked plaintively.

     "Would he have given it to you then?" she asked back.

     "He would have tried," I answered, feeling a smile come to my face.

     "Then that's what you do.  You try.  And when you need to break down,
you do it to me, or to one of the other guys."

     "I hate it when you're right," I said with a small laugh.

     "Too bad it happens so often, then," she laughed back.  "So I guess
this wasn't the best time for the press to get wind of your whirlwind love
affair with Nick, eh?"

     My laugh was much louder this time.  "No, I guess it wasn't," I
agreed.  "What a day."

     "Everyone at the office is very happy for the two of you, you know,"
she said.  "I didn't have the heart to tell them that it wasn't true."

     "Well, I guess they'll find out soon enough," I replied.  "We're
holding a press conference in the morning."

     "How are you going to pull it off?  People really want to believe
those stories."

     "Well, I have a couple of ideas," I said with a smile.  "And you're
going to help me with them."

     "Oh am I?"

     "Yes indeed you are," I grinned.  Leave it to Andrea to put me in a
good mood after the day I'd had.

     "So what's the plan?" she asked excitedly.

     Andrea and I talked for a few more minutes, as I outlined what I
wanted her to do.  I told her to wait for me to call and confirm the plan
after I had run it by the guys.

     "So I just wait for you to give me the go-ahead?"  Andrea asked.

     "That's right," I said, standing from the chair and walking back to
the sliding door.  "I don't think they'll have any objections, but it's
best to make sure."

     "I think I can handle that," she said happily.

     I looked inside and saw Kevin standing at the open doorway to the
bedroom.  He was turned sideways to me, but I could see the sadness on his
face as he looked at Brian sleeping.

     "Uh, Andrea, I'm going to have to let you go.  I'll call you in a
while, okay?"

     "Is it Brian?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

     "No, he's still sleeping.  I just have to talk with Kevin for a
minute."

     "Okay sweetie, I'll be home in a while.  I'll be waiting for you to
call."

     "Alright," I agreed.  "Thanks Andy."

     "Anytime," she said.  "I'll talk to you later."

     "Yeah.  Bye," I said as I flipped the phone closed again.  Sliding it
into my pocket, I stepped into the room and cleared my throat quietly.

     Kevin looked up from the doorway and saw me watching him.  He closed
the door again and walked over to join me in the sitting area of the room.

     "She was so mean," I said, looking him in the eye.

     "I know," he whispered.  "It surprised me too.  I've never seen her
like that."

     "What are we going to do?" I asked as we sat down on the couch.

     "We're going to be strong for Brian.  And we're going to focus on
getting this press conference out of the way.  And we're going to wait for
Jackie to come to her senses and hope that Brian's ready to listen when she
does."

     "Kevin, I want you to give this to her," I said, producing the
envelope and pressing it into his hand.

     "What is it?"

     "An explanation of sorts, I guess.  It's a letter I wrote.  Will you
make sure she gets it?"

     "I'm not so sure of this, Nate.  I don't know if it's a good idea."
Kevin said, turning the letter over in his hands.

     "Kevin, nothing can cause any more trouble, can it?  Trust me,
please?"

     "Okay, I'll take it there tonight.  After everyone has had a while to
calm down."

     I nodded.  "Do you think we should tell Harold?"

     "I don't know.  I think we should maybe wait until Brian's up and
around again and see what he thinks.  Harold's bound to find out, though."

     "Yeah, and I don't know how good it would sound coming from Jackie
right now," I agreed.

     Kevin hadn't shut the door of the room when he entered, and the rest
of the guys walked past, glancing in the open doorway.  Poking his head in,
Nick noticed Kevin.

     "Hey Kev, I thought that you were going to..."  Nick stopped suddenly
as he entered and caught sight of us.  "What's wrong?" he asked, rushing
into the room with AJ and Howie right behind him.

     I opened my mouth to answer him when Brian suddenly screamed my name.
I rushed past Nick's bewildered face and ran to the bedroom.  Brian was
sitting up in bed with new tears running down his face when I got there.
By heart broke when I saw the fear on his face.

     "I'm here, Brian," I said, sitting on the bed and pulling him to me.
"I was just talking with Kevin for a minute.  Lay back down.  You need to
get some rest."  I lay him back down on the bed.

     "Stay with me?" he asked, looking up at me.

     "Of course," I whispered.  I lay down beside him and brought his head
to my shoulder, running my hand across his temple.  "Now please try to
sleep.  I'll be here when you wake up.  I promise."

     "I love you Nate," he sobbed, closing his eyes for me.

     "I love you too, Brian," I soothed, resting my head on the pillow.

     Gradually, Brian's breathing evened out again and his hold on my waist
loosened a little bit, letting me know that he was finally asleep.  I lay
there with him in my arms and replayed the entire scene with Jackie in my
head.  I was afraid that doing so would cause my tears to return, but it
only brought anger.  I just couldn't understand what could make a parent
turn on their child like that.

     Thinking about this, I noticed movement in the room, and looked up to
see the rest of the guys standing looking at us.  It was obvious from the
look on their faces that Kevin had told them what happened.

     Nick took a step into the room toward the bed.  I could see that there
were tears in his eyes as well.  I held up a hand to tell him to stop,
pointing to Brian's closed eyes.

     Nick nodded and rejoined the others at the door.  Finally, Kevin put
his arm out and pulled them back into the outer room, leaving us alone
again.

     Looking down at the tear stains on Brian's face, I couldn't help but
cry.  The hurt that had been on his face earlier was overwhelming.  I wiped
his tears away again, letting my own fall unchecked.  Eventually, I cried
myself to sleep.


     I woke up to find Brian sitting on the end of the bed.  I sat up and
scooted over to sit beside him, resting my hand on his.  His fingers opened
up and mine slipped through before he closed them again, gripping my hand.

     "Could that have gone any worse?" he asked, trying to smile.

     "I'm sure if we put our minds to it we could figure out a way it could
have," I smiled back.

     "What am I going to do, Nate?" he asked, looking me in they eye.

     "Whatever you need to do," I said.  "I meant it when I told you that I
was proud of you.  I know that you didn't plan on telling her today.  But
you did, and you made it through.  She'll come around."

     "How do you know?"  Brian whispered.

     "I saw the way she looks at you.  You're her pride and joy.  She can't
hate you Brian.  She just doesn't understand.  She's going to need some
time to get some perspective."

     "I hope so," he said quietly.

     "Brian, we don't have to, but I think it would be good if you spent
some time with the other guys.  Kevin told them what happened.  They came
to check on you while you were sleeping.  It might take your mind off of it
for a while."

     Brian nodded and stood up.  I stood with him and took his hand
properly, leading him out of the bedroom.

     Everyone was in Kevin's room, and they all stood as we walked in.
Nick came rushing over and swept Brian into a hug.

     "I'm sorry, Brian," he said, his eyes getting wet again.

     Brian could only nod and hug Nick back.  When they finally released
each other, he took my hand again and sat down with me on the couch.  "Can
we not talk about it?" he asked everyone.  "There's nothing we can do now,
and I'd rather not cry again for at least an hour."  Brian laughed a little
bit and relaxed into the couch.

     "No problem, Bri," AJ said, offering him a smile.  "We were just
discussing exactly how Nick and Nate should handle this tabloid thing."

     "Yeah.  No offense, Nate, but I'd kinda like to clear this thing up,"
Nick grinned.

     "None taken, Nick.  My real boyfriend is much cuter than you anyway,"
I answered with a slight smile.

     "So what are we going to tell the media?"  Howie asked, sitting down
again and giving Brian a concerned look.

     "Well, I have a couple of thoughts, if you'd care to hear them," I
volunteered.

     "Sure," Kevin said, drawing out a writing pad and a pen.

     "First of all, I think it should be just Nick and I at the press
conference."

     "Whoa," Kevin said.  "I think it's best if we make a united stand on
this."

     "I understand that, Kevin.  But think about this," I said, raising my
hand so that he would let me get my point in.  "If you were a reporter or a
person watching the press conference, wouldn't having the whole band there
seem almost like we had something to hide?  The stories dealt with Nick and
I, and I think Nick and I should answer them."

     "Makes sense to me," Nick said.

     "Me too," Howie and AJ said in unison.  Brian nodded.

     "Okay then, it's just you and Nick," Kevin conceded.  "But what are
you going to tell them?"

     "The truth," I said with a smile.  "Nick and I are friends, and we
like to hang out.  We can tell them that Nick and I are not, nor have we
ever been, a couple.  We'll combine that with the story about why I'm with
you on tour, and it should fly."

     "What about the picture?  How are we going to explain that?" AJ asked.

     "Well, I have a plan for that too," I said with a smile.  "But it's
going to require a phone call or two."

     I excused myself for a few minutes and started dialling.



     "That's set," I announced to the room a few minutes later as I entered
it again.

     "What was that all about?"  Kevin asked.

     "Well, I called my friend Erron in Toronto.  He's the one that I sent
the picture to.  He's agreed to pose as my boyfriend, and he's going to
call some of the larger papers in Toronto and New York and complain to them
that they are smearing his 'lovers' name with their false accusations.
That should get him some coverage and provide some evidence that there is
nothing between Nick and I."

     "That's perfect!"  Kevin smiled.

     "It gets better," I grinned back at him.  "He's taking care of my
place while I'm with you guys, and he just moved in last week.  He's now my
'live-in boyfriend,' which carries a bit more weight."

     AJ laughed.  "So what about the other call?"

     "That was to Andrea.  I had already discussed things with her and she
was waiting for me to call.  She's agreed to call the major papers in LA
and do the same as Erron.  She's going to accuse the papers of smearing her
best friend's name through the mud and trying to cause problems between me
and Erron."

     "That's great!" Nick exclaimed.

     Howie smiled.  "That should take care of things.  Once New York and LA
get on a story, the rest of the country will follow them."

     I nodded.  "I told Erron to prepare himself for interview requests,
but he's going to turn them all down.  After all, these are the same people
who caused all this trouble in the first place."  I smiled widely.

     "I think that's going to work.  It couldn't be more convincing if it
were true," AJ laughed.

     "Yeah, it should do the trick."  I leaned back on the couch and felt
Brian's head come to rest on my shoulder, as we worked out the little
details of what exactly Nick and I would be saying the next day.


     PART 37

     The morning did bring one surprise.  Brian and I were still sleeping
when there came a knock on the door.  Glancing quickly to Brian and finding
him still asleep, I wiggled out of bed without disturbing him and ran to
answer it before they knocked louder.

     Carrie was standing outside my room with a huge smile pasted on her
face.  "And how are we this morning?" she asked brightly as she pushed past
me into the room.

     "Carrie?  What are you doing here?" I asked, closing the door and
glancing to the bedroom.  "And can you keep it down a bit? Brian's still
sleeping.

     Carrie followed my gaze and blushed.  "Sorry."

     "Don't worry about it," I smiled.  "Now how come you're here?"

     "I came for the press conference," she said, sitting down in a chair.
I followed her and sat opposite.

     "But how did you find out that I was here at the hotel?"

     "What are you talking about?  This is the hotel that was on the
schedule you had faxed to the office.  Where else would you be?"

     "Well, until yesterday afternoon, we were staying at Brian's house," I
said sadly, glancing again to the bedroom.

     "You didn't tell me that," she scolded briefly.  "You're supposed to
keep me up to date on where you're staying Nate.  But, if you were staying
there, why are you here now?"

     So I told her.  I told her about meeting Brian's parents, and about
breakfast the next morning.  Then about Kevin entering with the tabloids
and Brian's subsequent fight with his mother.  I finished with the way he
had cried himself to sleep again last night after we had come back from
Kevin's room.

     "I'm so sorry Nate," Carrie said quietly, laying her hand on my arm.
"What are you guys going to do?"

     "We're hoping that she'll come around eventually," I said.

     "Until then, we get this business over with," Brian said from the
doorway, startling both of us.

     Carrie and I both looked over at him.  He was standing in the doorway
between the main room and the bedroom in just his boxers, watching us
intently.

     "Brian," I said, getting up and going over to him.  "This is Carrie.
She's here for the press conference."

     Carrie came over and shook hands with Brian.  "Nate told me what
happened.  I'm really sorry."

     Brian nodded.  "Thanks," he said, trying to smile for her.  He took a
deep breath and continued.  "But I can't let it stop me from getting things
done.  She knows where to find me when she wants to talk about it."

     I smiled and kissed his cheek.  "She'll call," I said, trying
desperately to sound confident.

     "Well, how about I give you two time to get dressed and then you join
me for breakfast?"  Carrie suggested, indicating our boxers.

     Brian laughed.  It was the first time we'd gotten more than a slight
smile out of him since the day before.  "How about we get dressed, and then
you join us?" he said.  "Kevin should be calling any time about breakfast.
I'm sure there's room for one more."

     I nodded enthusiastically.  "Yeah, come on Carrie.  You can meet the
rest of the guys."

     Carrie was more than happy to join us, so we left her in the main room
while we went for clothes.  A few minutes later, Brian and I re-emerged.
We were both wearing chinos, and Brian had on a midnight blue silk shirt.
I had a matching shirt, in green.  We were both barefoot.

     Carrie looked up and whistled.  "Looking good, guys."

     "You hungry?" I asked her with a smile.

     "Like a bear," she said, returning the smile.

     "Have you ever even seen a bear?" I joked.

     "Well, no.  But they're supposedly a pretty hungry creature," she
laughed as we headed for the door.

     Hearing laughter from Kevin's room, we knew that at least some of the
guys were already up.  The laughter stopped suddenly when they saw Brian
walk in.

     "Guys," he said, glancing from Kevin to Nick to Howie.  "You don't
have to stop having fun just because I show up.  That's not going to make
anything any better."

     "Bri," Nick started.

     "Nick, I don't want to talk about it anymore.  It's done, and it
sucks, but there's not a whole lot I can do at the moment.  Can we please
just let it go?"

     "Sure," Nick agreed, smiling at the improvement in Brian from the day
before.  "Sure we can."

     Brian smiled back at him.  "Everyone, we've got a guest for
breakfast," he announced, pulling Carrie forward.  "This is Carrie, Nate's
editor.  She flew in for the press conference."

     Kevin stepped forward and extended his hand.  "Nice to meet you,
Carrie," he said with a smile.  "I'm Kevin, and that's Nick and Howie."

     "I don't live under a rock, you know," she laughed, shaking his hand.
"I know who you guys are."  She released Kevin's hand with a smile and
shook with Nick and Howie as well.

     "Where's AJ?" I asked as Brian and I found seats.

     "He's coming," Kevin said with a grin.  "Late night last night."

     "Ooooh," Brian cooed.  "Did he go off and find himself a girlfriend
after we went to bed?"

     "Um, no."  Kevin said, glancing to me.  "He and I went and ran a
little errand."

     "What kind of errand?"  Brian asked, leaning forward.

     The look Kevin was giving me intensified, and it finally got through
to me.  I put my arm around Brian and pulled him back against the couch
again.

     "Nothing, really.  I'll tell you about it later," Kevin said, turning
his attention back to Carrie and trying to change the subject.  "So,
Carrie," he said with a smile.  "How long have you been working with Nate?
Last time I heard, his editor was some guy named Pete."

     "About a month or so now, right Nate?" she said, looking to me.  I
nodded.

     "Yeah.  Pete didn't exactly like the idea of me coming with you guys,
so I fired him and got Carrie here."

     "You fired your editor just so that you could come with us?"  Howie
asked incredulously.

     "Well, not just because of that," I said slowly.  "There were a lot of
things that weren't working.  His not wanting me to come along was just the
straw that broke the camel's back."

     "Well, I never met Pete, but I'd have to say you made a good move,"
Kevin said, turning his grin on Carrie and making her blush.

     "Love connection?"  Brian whispered in my ear.

     Everyone looked at me immediately as I started to laugh.

     "What's so funny?"  Nick asked with a grin.

     "He's just getting a joke that I told him last week," Brian smiled.
"He's slow, but he's cute."

     I slapped Brian in the shoulder and tried to stop laughing.  Kevin
looked uncertainly at me and then continued his conversation with Carrie.

     AJ arrived a few minutes later, and we introduced him to Carrie.  He
started to ask Brian if he was okay, but I shook my head and he let it
drop.

     Luckily, the food came before Brian could think to ask AJ where he had
been the night before, and we were soon enjoying ourselves.  Brian was more
introverted than normal, but he was obviously making an effort to forget
about his problems for a while.

     Kevin and Carrie spent most of breakfast talking together.  I figured
that, between them, they had more than enough business experience to make
for interesting conversations.  Carrie looked after the business end for
writers like me, and Kevin was the father of the group, the one that paid
attention to the details.  They should have a lot in common.

     AJ, Howie and Nick all went out of their way to cheer Brian up,
without actually mentioning what had happened.  I could see how much they
cared for him, and I was glad that he had their support.

     Once breakfast was over, Carrie wanted to go over what it was that was
going to be said at the press conference.  Brian, AJ and Howie all excused
themselves, since they had the details and weren't going to be making an
appearance anyway, leaving me, Nick, Carrie and Kevin to talk.

     "Love you," Brian said, kissing me on the cheek before he left to play
some basketball with AJ.

     "Love you too," I said.  I had almost added 'honey' on the end of it,
but thought better of it at the last minute.  The last thing Brian needed
was a reminder of his mother.

     "What a great couple," Carrie grinned as I shut the door and returned
to sit with them.

     "Cute for a while, but sickening in larger doses," Nick laughed.

     "You're just mad because I kicked you out of my bed," I said, sitting
beside him.

     "Ooh, there's got to be a story there," Carrie said, cocking an
eyebrow.

     "No, no story," Nick blushed.

     "Okay then," Carrie continued, pulling out a pad of paper so she could
take some notes.  "What are you guys going to tell the press?"

     So, taking turns, Nick, Kevin and I outlined what it was that we were
going to tell them.  She nodded in approval when she found out that it
would just be Nick and I speaking, and grinned when she found out about
Erron posing as my boyfriend.

     "That's great!" she laughed.  "They can't argue with a live-in
boyfriend.  As soon as we get done here, I'll call the office and get our
PR people on the phones.  A few irate phone calls about them causing
trouble for one of our authors should get things moving a little faster."

     We agreed on that, and she flipped her notebook closed.  "So, by the
looks of it, we could have all of this straightened out, if you'll pardon
the expression, by this afternoon," she said with a laugh.

     Kevin groaned at the joke, making us laugh again.

     Carrie excused herself to make the phone calls, going into Kevin's
bedroom for privacy.

     "So?" I asked him, slapping him on the knee.

     "So what?" he asked, giving me a confused look.

     "Come on, Kev," Nick grinned.  "Carrie.  It's obvious that you like
her."

     "What?"

     "Kevin, you've hardly said a word to anyone but her since we got
here," I smiled.

     "So she's interesting," he protested.

     "And cute," Nick offered.

     "Yeah, that too.  Doesn't mean anything," Kevin was starting to blush.

     "Hmmm...she's interesting, she's cute, and she hangs on your every
word," I grinned.  "Sound like fun.  If you're into that kind of thing, of
course," I added with a laugh.

     "Guys..."

     "Just go for it!"  Nick urged.

     Before Kevin could say anything, Carrie came back into the room.
"Alright.  I talked to Public Relations, and as we speak, they're yelling
at almost every tabloid that ran the pictures," she announced with a smile.

     We grinned in return.  There was a knock at the door and Howie stuck
his head in.  "Guys, it's almost time for the press conference.  You should
probably get going."

     Nick and I nodded.  We had agreed that Kevin and Carrie would come
with us, but stand to the side in case something unexpected happened and we
needed some backup.  The press conference had been arranged in the hotel
conference room, so the four of us left the room and headed for the
elevator, after a quick stop for me to get some shoes and socks on.


     The room was in pandemonium when we arrived.  There were media from
all over the country, and each was trying to position their cameras and
microphones as close to the elevated table set up at the front as they
could.

     There was a murmur of speech running through the room as Nick and I
entered and made our way to the front of the room.  Kevin and Carrie stayed
behind us and tried to melt into the shadows.

     "Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Nathaniel Healy, and this is
Mr. Nick Carter," I announced, sitting down beside Nick.  "If you will all
give me your attention, I will begin."

     There were a few more seconds of talk, then everyone settled down and
waited for me to speak again.

     "First of all, I would like to thank you for coming today, and I ask
your indulgence as we try to clear up any and all misunderstandings in
regards to Mr. Carter and myself.

     "I ask that you save all questions until we have finished speaking,
and we will answer them at that time."

     I stopped for a moment and scanned the crowd.  Noticing Kevin in a far
corner, I saw him give me the thumbs up sign and smile.

     "Okay, as you are all probably aware, there has been a great deal of
speculation in the media the last couple of days about the possibility of a
romantic relationship between Mr. Carter and myself.  We have asked you
here today so that we may clear up these rumours."

     "That's right," Nick said with a smile.  "I'd like to start by saying
that Nate and I certainly are friends, but that is as far as it goes.  We
can't deny that we were together at the LA mall and spa that were mentioned
in many of the stories, but I assure you, we were just hanging out."

     I nodded.  "Cute as he is, folks, I am not now, nor have I ever been,
in a romantic relationship with Nick."  I smiled as a few of the reporters
laughed.

     "As you are all no doubt aware, I am gay.  I have never made a secret
of that.  What you are apparently unaware of is that I am also very happily
attached.  I have a boyfriend back in my home-town of Toronto, and we are
very happy together."

     "At this time," Nick continued, "we would like to open up the floor
for your questions."

     Instantly there was a sea of hands in the air, and people started
shouting for attention.  Nick pointed to one woman.

     "Yes, thank you.  I have it from a very reliable source at your
publisher's, Mr. Healy, that you are currently touring with the Backstreet
Boys.  If there is no romantic link between you and Mr. Carter, could you
explain why you are on tour with him?"

     I shot Carrie a look and saw her pull out her cell phone and walk into
the lobby again.  I turned back to the woman who had asked the question.
"I'd be happy to explain it," I said with a smile.  "First, I'm not on tour
with Nick.  I'm on tour with the entire band.  As for why I am doing so,
there are two reasons.

     "Nick and the rest of the guys approached me about the possibility of
writing a sort of tour diary about what goes on behind the scenes at
concerts and studio trips, things like that.  They asked me because we are
friends, and they wanted someone that they felt comfortable with, and I
agreed.

     "The second reason is that I am currently working on a new book, and I
was hoping that with the number of different people that the Backstreet
Boys meet during a tour, as well as their hectic schedules, I would be able
to inject the story with a little different flavour than my first one.
It's sort of a trade off.  They get a tour diary, and I get some
inspiration for the new book."

     I smiled as they started vying for our attention again.  I pointed to
a young man in the front row.

     "Thank you.  Nick, could you tell us how you and Mr. Healy came to
meet?"

     Nick grinned and gave him the details of our first meeting, leaving
out the part about Brian forcing him to leave the diner, then pointed to
someone else.

     "Could you tell us what the new book is about, Mr. Healy?"

     "I'm sorry, but I'm superstitious about things like that.  I don't
discuss books in progress with anyone but my editor and my agent.  You," I
said. pointing again.

     "Nick, are you currently dating anyone?"

     Nick smiled for her.  "Well, I usually try to avoid answering
questions like that.  It's one of the things I like to try to keep private.
But under the circumstances, I'll answer.  No, I am not currently seeing
anyone.  But trust me, Nate is not an option," he added with a laugh.

     "Where did the infamous photo of the two of you come from?"

     "I took that picture," I said with a grin.  "I was with the band at a
video shoot while I was visiting LA a few weeks ago.  I was chatting online
with my boyfriend, who didn't believe that I was where I was.  So, I
grabbed Nick, who happened to be walking by, and took our picture with my
digital camera and sent it to him as proof.  Unfortunately, his computer
was stolen not long ago, and whoever took it must have found the picture."

     "And can you tell us about this boyfriend?"

     "I'm sorry, but I don't think that's something that the media needs to
get involved in," I smiled, knowing that half of these people already had
Erron's name, and the other half would have it waiting at their offices
when they got back.

     Nick and I took a few more questions, reiterating that, while we were
very good friends, we were not a couple, and then called the press
conference to a close.  I noted Kevin slipping out the back of the room as
we did so.  Standing, Nick and I smiled and waved for the reporters,
waiting until they had taken a few pictures, then made our way out of the
room through a side door.


     "Whew," Nick sighed, leaning against the door when it was closed.

     "That wasn't so bad," I grinned.

     "What was with that 'cute as he is' stuff?" Nick laughed.

     "Oh come on, Nick.  You know you're adorable!" I said, pinching his
cheeks.

     "Cut it out," he laughed, knocking my hands away.  "You big pansy."

     I laughed as Kevin came into the room.  "That was terrific.  You guys
did a great job.  Once they connect you to Erron, and discover that he's
living in your apartment, most of this will be dead in the water."

     "Where's Carrie?" I asked.

     "She's on the phone with the office, trying to figure out who leaked
that you were with us."

     "Dammit, she promised to keep this confidential!" I said, dropping
into a couch.  "I mean, we knew that they'd place me sooner or later, but
to have someone from my own publisher's office leak it," I said with a
sigh.

     "Fuck!" Carrie cursed, coming into the room and slamming her phone
shut.  Catching sight of us, she started to blush.  "Sorry," she said
timidly.

     "What happened Carrie?" I said, looking at her.

     "Pete happened," she said, sitting beside me.  "Pete called a couple
of tabloids and got them onto the story in the first place.  That and the
picture was all they needed to really get going."

     "So what happens to him?"  Nick asked.

     "I'm calling him in front of the Board of Directors in a few days.
We'll see if he can manage to keep his job."

     "If he does, I'm done with the company," I said.  "I will not renew my
contract."

     Carrie nodded.  "I'll tell them that.  With the rate that Pete's been
losing writers, though, I don't think it's going to come to that."

     "It doesn't matter now," Kevin said with a grin.  "With a little luck,
we won't have to hear anything about Nate and Nick's love affair again," he
laughed.

     "Let's go find the rest of the guys and tell them," Nick suggested,
hopping up from his chair.

     "Just a minute," I said.  "Kevin?"

     "Yeah?"

     "AJ went with you to Brian's house last night, didn't he?"

     Kevin nodded.  "We had hoped that we could talk a little bit of sense
into her.  Make her see reason."

     "Why didn't you tell me?" Nick exclaimed.

     I put my hand on his arm to get him to stop and looked to Kevin
hopefully.  "And?"

     "Well, she was still pretty upset, but she listened to us.  I don't
know what to tell you.  It still doesn't look good.  I gave her your
letter, and made her promise to read it.  It was as good as I could
do. She's not happy about my supporting you two either."

     I nodded.  "Okay.  Let's not tell Brian about it, though.  I don't
want to get his hopes up."

     We agreed on that and left the small chamber off of the conference
room.  There were still some reporters walking around, and they ran at us
when they spotted us.  Kevin threw up his hands and ushered us into the
elevators without answering any of the questions they threw at us.


     PART 38

     "So are you heading back to New York tonight?" I asked Carrie as I
shut the door behind us.  Nick and Kevin had gone in search of the rest of
the guys, and we were back in my room.

     "Actually..."  Carrie said with a grin.

     I turned to look at her and caught the glint in her eye.  "Actually
what?"

     "Actually, Kevin asked me if I would have dinner with him tonight."

     "That's great!" I smiled.  "I knew he liked you."

     Carrie blushed.

     "I know you'll have a good time, Carrie," I said excitedly. "Kev's a
great guy. He's been really supportive with Brian and I."

     "You don't have to sell me on him," she laughed.  "But speaking of you
and Brian," she added sombrely. "How is he really doing?"

     "Not good," I said sadly, dropping into a chair.  "He's trying really
hard to pretend that he's dealing with it, because he can see how worried
everyone is about him.  But he's hurting a lot."

     "Do you think his mom will come around?"

     "I don't know, Carrie.  I mean, seeing the two of them together before
he told her you would have thought that nothing could come between them.
But now, I don't know.  She was really cruel."

     "What about you?  How are you holding up?" she asked, sitting on the
arm of my chair.

     "I'm hanging on by a thread," I said, letting the first tears start to
fall.  Carrie pulled my head to her shoulder and stroked my hair.  "I'm
scared as hell, Carrie," I cried.  "I see Brian crying, and I can't do
anything to make it better.  It's my fault."

     "Nate," she said, pushing me away so that she could look me in the
eyes.  "It's not your fault.  You didn't do anything wrong."

     I shook my head. "You don't understand.  If they hadn't been fighting
about me being on tour, he never would have told her.  They'd be sitting
around right now, one big happy family.  Instead, they're not speaking and
Brian's in pain."

     "That's not because of you.  You're the one who's there to wipe the
tears away.  His mother put them there.  Brian loves you, Nate.  It was you
that he went to when he was hurting.  It was you that held him when he
couldn't stop crying."

     She hugged me again as I cried.  "I just don't know what to do for
him."

     "You're doing it," she said softly.  "You have to be there for him.
If his mom accepts things the way they are, great.  If not, he's going to
need you more than ever while he adjusts."

     "I don't know if I can do it," I sighed against her shoulder.  "I'm
barely holding on now.  What if I can't give him what he needs?"

     "Nate, if there's one thing that I'm sure of, it's that you can do
anything, if it means that you get to be with Brian.  I think you've got
more strength than you give yourself credit for."

     Carrie continued to hold me, swaying a little in the chair, until I
had calmed down a little more.  I was just sniffling my last sniffles when
Kevin and Nick returned to the room with the rest of the guys.

     "Nate?"  Brian said, seeing me sitting with my head on Carrie's
shoulder and trying to wipe the tears away before he saw them.  "Nate?" he
whispered, kneeling in front of me.

     "I'm okay," I assured him.  "Just got a little overwhelmed there for a
minute."

     "You're sure?" he asked.  The concern was plain on his face.

     I nodded.  "Yeah, I'm fine.  Where were you guys?"

     "We went down to the coffee shop in the lobby.  I hear you wowed them
at the press conference," he smiled.

     "I don't know if I would say 'wowed,' but I think it went pretty
well," I said, returning the smile.

     "He's too modest," Kevin said, sitting down with us.  "He was
terrific."

     "And he told the world that he thinks I'm cute," bragged Nick,
laughing and joining us.  AJ and Howie exchanged confused glances and then
sat down as well.

     "Is that so?"  Brian looked at me.

     "Well, you have to admit, he does have a certain something," I
answered.  "And as soon as the penicillin clears that up, he should be
fine," I laughed.

     Brian smiled widely and took my hand.  "That's better."

     Carrie got up from the arm of the chair and offered it to Brian, who
readily took it.  She walked over and sat with AJ on one of the couches in
the room.

     "So what's going on for the rest of the day?"  AJ laughed.  "I'm
getting really sick of sitting around in the hotel."

     "Well, we could go to the movies or something," Nick suggested.

     "I'd like to hit the gym for a while," Kevin added.

     In the end, Kevin, AJ and Howie opted for the gym, and the rest of us
decided on a movie.  Brian ran off to shower and change.  Trust me, after
playing basketball half of the morning with AJ, he needed it.  Carrie, Nick
and I waited for him on the balcony.

     When he finally joined us again, he smelled much better.  Throwing my
arms around him, I kissed the side of his neck.  "You ready?"  I grinned.

     "Don't you guys ever stop?"  Nick laughed as Brian answered me with a
nod and kissed me back.

     "Well, if we're going out to a movie, you're bound to get at least a
couple of hours without seeing it.  Unless, of course, we want to schedule
another press conference for tomorrow," I grinned.

     "I told you before," Brian added.  "If we have to be just friends in
public, we get to be as mushy as we want to be in private."  He turned his
head and kissed me along my jawline, making me smile.

     "Ugh," Nick said with a smile.  "You don't see me and Carrie behaving
that way."

     "Ah, but Carrie's spoken for," I said with a laugh, making her blush.

     "Hmmm?"  Brian said deviously, noting the colour in her cheeks.

     "Seems your cousin asked her for dinner."

     "Nate!"  Carrie hissed, smiling at me.

     "What?  As if people weren't going to figure it out when you
disappeared together tonight.  At least this way they know that you're at
dinner, and not just holed up in his room," I laughed, ducking as she tried
to slap my shoulder.

     "That's wonderful!"  Brian said, giving Carrie a smile and hugging me
closer.  "I wonder where he's taking you?"

     Carrie shrugged.

     "I knew he liked you," Nick beamed.

     "It's just dinner," Carrie said, trying desperately to make us stop
discussing it.

     "Hey, dinner is an improvement," I laughed.  "Brian and I started over
a cheap cup of coffee and a hunk of pie."

     "And I wound up paying for it!"  Nick grinned.

     Carrie looked at us with confusion.  "What are you talking about?"

     Brian looked at me.  "I thought you told her?"

     I shrugged.  "I didn't think that the intimate and ugly details were
necessary."

     "You told me that you met for coffee, didn't see Brian again until a
year later, and then you hit it off.  Isn't that what happened?"  Carrie
asked.

     Brian nodded with a smile.  "That's what happened, but there's more to
it than that."  He told her about our first meeting, and about our
confrontation in the green room.

     "Well let's hope that my first date goes better than yours did,"
Carrie grinned.

     "Well, it couldn't go much worse," Nick said.

     "And unless you're hiding something about yourself, you should be
fine.  I don't think Kevin's about to out himself," Brian laughed.

     "Well I'm sure you'll all find out how it goes, so why don't we get
out of here and see that movie?  The sooner we're gone, the sooner we get
back so that these two can be joined at the hip again," she smiled,
pointing to Brian and I still holding each other.

     "Sounds good to me," I said, returning the smile and moving aside for
Nick and Carrie to go back into the room.

     Brian let me go, but grabbed my hand as we followed them inside and
shut the door.

     "Okay, hometown boy," Nick said.  "Where's the closest theatre?"

     "Just down the street," Brian said with a grin.  "What do we want to
see?"

     "Let's decide when we get there," I suggested, leading them to the
door.

     We found the theatre without too much difficulty, and for the next
couple of hours, Brian and I tried desperately not to be too obvious.
While we couldn't hold hands, we did manage to remain touching throughout
the movie.  Necessity is the mother of invention, so they say.  Could we
help it if we repeatedly reached for the popcorn at the same time, or our
hands accidentally brushed each other's leg?  Of course not.


     PART 39

     When we returned to the hotel, we found Kevin, Howie and AJ sitting in
AJ's room.

     "So how was the movie?"  Kevin asked, moving over so that Carrie could
sit down on the couch with him.  He caught Nick, Brian and I smirking at
him and started to blush.

     "It was good," I said, sitting down and pulling Brian into my lap.

     "Watching these two play touchy-feely was a little distracting
though," Nick laughed, sitting on the floor beside our chair.

     "What?"  Brian said with a laugh.

     "Come on Brian," Carrie smiled.  "How many times can you accidentally
drop popcorn on someone's shirt?"

     I looked down at my chest to find little bits of popcorn husk still
clinging to it.  With a sheepish look, I dusted them off.

     Brian grinned.  "Just call me butter-fingers," he laughed.

     Kevin smiled and shook his head.  "We're going to have to start
separating you two in public."

     "The theatre was practically empty," Nick defended us.  "They could
have been making out on the stage and not been noticed."

     "Now there's an image that we could have done without," AJ grinned.

     "Changing the subject," I said with a grin.  "Don't you and Carrie
have a date to get ready for Kev?"

     Kevin glared at me as AJ and Howie perked up.

     "Date?"  Howie said.  "We didn't hear about a date?"

     "You do realise that you're dead, right Nate?"  Kevin said with a
smile.

     "You'll have to go through Brian first," I said confidently.  I
grabbed him tightly as he tried to jump off of my lap.  "No you don't," I
grinned.  "Last time you left me to fend off AJ by myself.  You're not
going anywhere."

     "How come I get dragged into this?"  he moaned.

     "Because you're my boyfriend," I replied, rubbing his leg.  "You're
supposed to gallantly run to my defense."

     "You don't look much like a damsel in distress," Nick grinned.

     "Quiet you," I laughed.

     "So Carrie and Kev, huh?"  Howie said with a smile, appraising the two
of them on the couch.  "I can see that."

     "Thanks for the endorsement," Kevin laughed.  "But yes, I suppose that
we do have to get ready," he said turning to face Carrie.  "Half an hour?"

     "That's fine with me," she said with a nod.

     "Okay, I'll come by your room and pick you up," Kevin said with a
smile as he stood up.  "Now if you'll all excuse me, I have to go and get
showered and changed.

     Carrie followed him to the door as we all wished them good luck.

     "So what are the dinner plans for everyone else?"  AJ asked, looking
around.

     "Nate and I are going to have dinner together," Brian said.

     "We are?" I asked with a smile.

     "Yep."

     "Okay, so it looks like it's just the three of us," Nick said as he
flopped down on the newly vacated couch.  "Room service or an actual
restaurant?"

     "Restaurant," Howie and AJ said in unison, making us all laugh.

     "OK then," Brian said, hopping up from my lap.  "We'll see you guys
after dinner?"

     "Yeah, I'll stop by the room when we get back," Nick promised.

     "Sounds like a plan," Brian said as he pulled me out of the chair and
dragged me toward the door.

     "Looks like I'll be going now, guys," I laughed.  "See you later."

     Everyone waved as Brian and I made our exit from the room and headed
down the hall.

     Opening the door to my room, Brian pulled me inside and sat me down.
"What do you want for dinner?"  he asked, moving toward the phone.

     I shrugged in answer.

     "Nate, you haven't eaten anything since breakfast.  You had a little
bit of popcorn at the movie, but not much.  Are you not feeling well?"  he
asked, returning to my side.

     "I just don't have much of an appetite today," I explained with a
shrug.

     "So you're not hungry?"

     "Not really," I said, sighing.  "But if it will take that worried
expression off of your face, I'll eat."

     Brian smiled.  "Okay, I'll go order something.  You sit here and miss
me," he laughed.

     "Will do," I agreed readily as he walked over to the other side of the
room.

     He spoke into the phone for a few minutes, then came back over and sat
with me, laying his head on my shoulder.

     "Brian?"  I asked after a moment of silence.

     "What?"

     "We have to talk about what's going on, and what we're going to do."

     "I know Nate," he said quietly.  "That's why I wanted to have dinner
alone.  I don't want everyone coming at me at once, you know?"

     I nodded.  "Okay.  Over dinner?"

     "I promise."

     We didn't speak again until after the waiter had delivered our food.
Sitting down at the table, Brian started to pull the covers off of the
dishes he had ordered.  He picked up my plate and started to pile food on
it.  "Now you're going to eat all of this," he scolded me with a smile.

     I reached over and stopped him from giving me any broccoli.  "Green
food frightens me," I said with a laugh.

     Brian looked at me, then dropped a couple of pieces of it on my plate
anyway.  "For me?" he asked sweetly.

     I took a deep breath, then smiled.  "You're too damn cute, you know
that?  Why couldn't I find myself an ugly boyfriend so he can't pull that
kind of crap on me?"

     "You know it's good for you," he said with a smile as he handed me my
plate.  "Green is one of the food groups.  Meat, dairy, fruits and
vegetables, grains, and the secret fifth group: green."

     I had to laugh.  "No no no.  Green is included in fruits and
vegetables.  Meats sometimes, depending on how old it is," I said with a
grin.  "The fifth group is sugars and caffeine."

     "That I can do," he said with a smile as he poured me a coffee.

     "Ah, sweet, life-giving caffeine," I laughed as I took a sip.

     "Hey!  Don't fill up on coffee.  You're cleaning your plate, mister."

     With a sigh, I set down the cup and picked up my fork.

     We ate half of the meal in silence.  Looking up from my plate,
broccoli as-yet untouched, I saw Brian looking at me.

     "Brian..."

     "I don't know what I'm going to do, Nate," he said quietly.

     "Well, until something happens, there's not a whole lot that you can
do," I answered him.

     "There has to be something." Brian looked down at the table.

     "Brian.  Do you want to break up?"

     "No!" he said, looking up suddenly.  "Why would you even suggest
something like that?"

     "Because I don't think anything else would work," I explained softly.
"The only way that she's going to be happy is if we break up and you
suddenly decide that you're not gay.  Other than that, we're just going to
have to wait for her to work through all of this."

     "But what if she can't?"

     "We can't start thinking like that, Brian.  We've got to believe that
she'll be able to accept this eventually."

     "I just feel so alone all of a sudden," he said, a single tear falling
from his face and landing on the edge of his plate.

     My face fell.  Everything that I had been doing, as strong as I had
tried to be for him, it apparently wasn't enough.

     Seeing the expression on my face, Brian's breath caught.  "That's not
what I mean," he said hastily, taking my hand and making me look him in the
eye.  "I love you, Nate.  You've been wonderful, and so have the rest of
the guys.  It's just that, for the first time, I don't know that my mom is
there for me, you know?  I know that I'm not alone.  I know that you and
the guys will be always be there for me.  But my mom is supposed to be the
one person that is always there for you, no matter what.  Now she's not."
The tears were falling steadily, but he kept looking in my eyes, trying to
make me understand.

     I sighed and nodded.  I had felt the same way after my parents had
died.  My friends had been there for me, and had tried to support me, but
they couldn't take the place of my parents.  Even Andrea and her parents
hadn't been able to take that place.  "I know, Brian.  I know exactly what
you mean."

     He nodded in return.  "I just can't imaging having to go on without
knowing that she's there for me when I need her."

     "Brian, she's been there for twenty-four years.  It's not something
that she can just stop now that you dropped a surprise in her lap.  She
still loves you.  It's just going to take her a while to understand that."

     "You hope," he added.

     "Yes," I agreed.  "I certainly do."

     "Nate?  Will you do something for me?"

     I looked at him and smiled.  "Anything."

     "Eat your broccoli," he laughed, pointing to the green pile that I had
tried to avoid.

     With a sigh, I speared a piece of broccoli and brought it to my mouth,
trying not to breath so I wouldn't have to smell it.  Putting it into my
mouth, I started to chew. Brian laughed as I screwed my face up into a mask
of disgust.

     "EW!" I gasped, swallowing and quickly reaching for my glass of water.
I sucked back half the glass, then put it aside again.  "Sweetie," I said
with a grimace.  "I love you, but there's no way you're getting me to eat
another piece of that."

     "Okay," Brian conceded.  "I just wanted to see if I could make you do
it."

     "Bastard," I laughed, pushing the remaining broccoli off as close to
the edge of my plate as I could get it without putting it on the table.
"Ugh," I added with a shudder.

     Brian grinned to himself and resumed eating.  When we were finally
done, we placed the plates and trays back on the cart and Brian wheeled it
out into the hall.  Coming back in, he patted me on the head like an
obedient dog.  "Good boy."

     I smiled and stood up.  "You just wait till I find something you don't
like."

     Taking his hand, I pulled him toward the couch and laid down, making
him lie down in front of me.  Running my hand up and down his arm, I rested
my head next to his.  "I love you," I whispered.

     "I know," he said with a giggle.  "I love me too."

     We lay together on the couch for a while, just enjoying the comfort
that came from being with the one you love.  I was actually starting to nod
off into a nap when there was a knock on the door.

     "Maybe if we're quiet they'll go away," Brian suggested with a sigh.

     "Shhhh..." I said with a smile, laying my head back down.

     Apparently, Nick wasn't going to cooperate.  "Hey guys!" he yelled
through the door.  "I know you're in there.  The food on the cart is still
warm!"

     "Great.  He picks now to turn into Sherlock Holmes," Brian laughed,
rolling off of the couch and standing up.  "Coming Nick!" he yelled as
there was another knock on the door.

     "Did I interrupt anything?" he asked with a smile as Brian opened the
door.  Catching sight of me on the couch, his grin faltered.  "*Did* I
interrupt?  Sorry guys," he said sheepishly.

     "No Nick, it's okay.  Actually, I need you to do something really
important for me."

     Nick brightened visibly at that.  "Sure Nate.  What do you need?"

     I stood up and joined Nick and Brian just inside the door.  "I need
you to keep my boyfriend occupied for a couple of hours."

     Brian turned and looked at me.  "Where are you going?"

     "Nowhere.  But something in the movie today triggered a really good
idea for the book, and I wanted to get it down.  You don't mind hanging
with Nick for a while, do you?"

     "No, I guess not.  He can be kinda fun," Brian smiled, looking at
Nick.

     "And, you haven't really had a chance to just hang out together since
I joined you guys," I added.

     Brian nodded.  "Okay.  Are you going to work here in the room?"

     "Actually, I thought I would take my computer and go down to the cafe
in the lobby.  Sort of a change of scenery.  I'll come back up here when
I'm done."

     Nick seemed quite happy to have Brian to himself for a while, and I
made a mental note to make sure that they spent more time together.  The
last thing I wanted to do was come between their friendship.  With a
goodbye kiss, I grabbed my computer bag and headed for the elevators.

     Reaching the lobby, I walked into the cafe and ordered a coffee.
After a moment of thought, I also asked for a package of cigarettes.  This
was one of the things I had picked up in university.  When under a lot of
stress, the two things that were most often suggested by my classmates for
alleviating that stress were alcohol and cigarettes.  Figuring that at
least a cigarette didn't mess up your preception and reflexes, it was the
lesser of two evils, I had taken that option.  Though I hadn't smoked since
university, and normally detested the habit, I thought that my current
stress levels warranted a little backslide.

     I lit one, taking a long drag off of it, then coughed and got out my
notes and my computer and turned it on.  I smiled to myself as I entered
the password, remembering how pleased Brian had been when he punched it in
in Chicago.

     The waitress returned with my coffee and left me alone again.  I was
still thinking about how Brian had been when I had joined him.  That had
only been a week ago, but so much had changed.

     The image of Brian smiling in smug pride as he looked up from my
computer in my Chicago hotel room changed into one of him as he had looked
just last night.  Lost and alone, he had been curled up in a ball on the
bed, as if anticipating a physical blow.

     Thinking these thoughts, I barely noticed when a shadow fell across my
table.  After a moment, the man beside me spoke.

     "Hello Nate," Harold Littrell said quietly, startling me out of my
reverie.

To Be Continued...

Okay, that's it for this part. Please let me know what you think.
Everyone's opinion is welcome and wanted. Remember, I live for email.

Email me at DLS_stories@hotmail.com

Thanks for reading! :)

DLS