Date: Thu, 02 Sep 1999 03:00:21 EDT
From: D LS <dls_stories@hotmail.com>
Subject: Brian & Me Parts 45-46

Okay, first things first. This story is a complete work of fiction, and is
not meant to imply anything about anyone. While some of the characters
maybe loosely based on real people that I know, none are meant to actually
represent anyone, particularly any of the members of the Backstreet Boys.We
may wish that they were gay, and maybe some of them even are, but I'm
certainly not about to say that they are. :)

As usual, if you are offended or made uncomfortable by material concerning
sexual relations between consenting adult men, lighten up or go somewhere
else. Also, if it is in any way illegal for you to be reading this type of
thing, please don't. Or do, just don't get caught and feel *very* guilty.;)

If any of the BSB happen to be reading this (hey, we can dream can't we?),
feel free to drop me a line and let me know what you think.

***Thanks to Tyler, Jeff, Lauren (author of Lucky Me), Lukas, Matty, Brian,
Yuli, Jake, Matt(author of Search & Rescue), Jeremy, Jared, Johnathan, and
everyone else who has taken the time to write, for their extra-nice
comments. It makes it much easier to sit down and write with people like
you to encourage me. The list could go on and on, but I know that's not
what you people want to read, so I digress...

***Special thanks also to JB, who read over what you are about to read and
offered his opinions. There is no doubt that the story is better than it
would have been without him.  He's become a wonderful new friend. :)

Drop me a line at DLS_stories@hotmail.com and let me know what you think

Enjoy!


     PART 45

     I felt Brian's hand clamp down a little bit on mine, and immediately
went on the defensive.  "We really should get packed," I said, squeezing
Brian's hand in return to let him know that it was alright.

     "Please?" Howie said.  "Just for a minute."

     I looked at Howie, then back to Brian.  "You go ahead," I said to him.
"I'll be there in a minute."

     "Nate..."

     "I'll be fine, Brian," I assured him.  "If I'm not back in an hour,
send a search party," I added, making him smile.

     He nodded and, with one final glance to Howie, headed for his room to
pack.

     "What is it Howie?"  I asked, turning my attention back to him.  "If
you're just going to bitch about Brian and I again, I can assure you I can
live without hearing it."

     Howie didn't answer immediately.  Instead, he walked the few steps to
his own room and opened the door.  "I'd rather not talk in the hall," he
said, holding his arm out and gesturing for me to step inside.

     I sighed and gave in.  Walking over to Howie, I passed him and stepped
into his room.  He entered behind me and then stood at the door looking at
me.

     "Um, Howie?  I really have to get packing," I said, hoping to prod him
into spitting out whatever it was he felt he had to say.

     "Nate, there are a couple of things that I think we need to talk
about," he began, walking from the door to the sitting area.

     "Howie, with the last few days, I'm not in the mood for any major
confrontations right now," I said, sitting opposite him.

     He grinned slightly and relaxed against the back of his chair.
"That's not what I wanted to talk to you about.  Well, it is, but I didn't
want a major confrontation either.  I wanted to say that I was sorry."

     "Howie, can we just... what?"

     "I wanted to apologise," he said, leaning forward again.  "I wasn't
and haven't been fair to you since you and Brian started seeing each other,
and I'm sorry."

     "What brought this on?  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad, it's just a
surprise," I said, still a little shocked.

     Howie nodded.  "I know.  But seeing how much Brian missed you when you
were away from him for those few weeks made me stop and think about a few
things.  And then finding out that you had changed editors in part so that
you could be with Brian again."

     "We need to be together, Howie," I said.

     "I can see that," he agreed.  "But what really made an impact was
seeing the pain you were in these last couple of days just because Brian
was hurting.  When you first started to hang around with Brian, and the
rest of us, I was afraid that you were attracted to the Backstreet Boy, not
Brian.  I wasn't comfortable with the idea of you being together in the
first place, and I certainly didn't want you using him to further your own
popularity and then hurting him.  I was also afraid that his association
with you would lead to major publicity problems, like it almost did with
Nick."

     "And you're over that now?"

     "Well, like I said, I'm still not entirely comfortable with the idea
of two guys together, but I can see that you really are in love, and I
don't think I could stand myself if I got in the way of that," he said.
"It was your letter to Jackie that finally convinced me that you belonged
together."

     "I'm not following," I said, confused.  "Why did that make such a
difference?"

     "Your refusal to back away from him, even though you thought it was
the only thing that would bring Jackie to her senses and you knew that it
would make Jackie resent you even more.  It was obvious that you loved him.
If you didn't you wouldn't have written the letter," he explained.

     "I do love him," I nodded.  "I don't think even he knows how much."

     "I can see that now, and I wanted to say how sorry I am for being such
a prick about all of this.  I'm going to make my apologies to everyone, but
I wanted you to be first.  I was really horrible to you," Howie said sadly.

     "Thanks Howie," I said with a smile.  "I was really hoping that you'd
come around eventually."

     He grinned back at me.  "I may be a little slow, but I can see when
I'm wrong.  Do you think maybe we can start over as friends?"

     I thought about it and shook my head, making him frown a little. "We
can't erase everything that's happened," I said.  "But we can go on from
here as friends."

     His smile returned.  "Deal," he said.

     I stuck my hand out toward him.  "Thanks a lot Howie.  This really
means a lot to me, and it's going to make Brian really happy."

     "There you go again," he laughed as he shook my hand.  "Always
thinking about Brian."

     "How can I not think of him?" I asked with a grin.  "He's just so
damned adorable."

     Howie rolled his eyes and stood up.  "I'm glad that we got this
cleared up, Nate.  It was getting really hard not to like you," he smiled.

     "I'm glad too Howie," I smiled back.  "I was getting tired of
resenting you."

     Howie laughed and walked me to the door again.  "Well, I don't want to
keep you away from him for too long," he said.  "You might get replaced."

     "Something tells me he'd wait until at least after lunch," I grinned.
Shaking Howie's hand again, I stepped out into the hall.

     "Oh, Nate?" he said as I started to walk toward my room.  "Could you
not mention this to Brian?  At least until I had a chance to talk to him
and apologise first?"

     "No problem," I smiled.  "But he's going to want to know."

     Howie nodded.  "I'm sure he will.  Just tell him that I'll talk to him
about it later.  I'll make sure to do it today."

     "Okay," I agreed, turning back toward my room.  "Oh, and Howie?" I
asked with a grin.

     "What?"

     "What did you really think of my book?"

     Howie laughed.  "I really liked it," he said.  "Happy?"

     I smiled and nodded as I wandered down the hall and found the door
sightly open.  Peeking inside, I noticed Brian trying to figure out how to
pack all of my writing things into the computer bag.

     "You've got to turn that on it's side," I laughed, watching him try to
get the notebook into its pocket.

     Brian jumped and started to laugh.  "How come you don't get a bigger
bag for all of this stuff?"

     "Because it all fits if you know what you're doing," I smiled.  "Let
me show you."

     I walked over to the desk and unloaded the bag again.  Then I
re-packed everything where it was supposed to be and threw my hands up like
a rodeo hog-tying champion.

     Brian laughed and clapped for me.  "Very nice," he said.

     "We do good work," I grinned, putting my computer bag on top of my
luggage.  "Thanks for packing up my stuff, hon."

     "No problem.  What did Howie want?"

     "Um, just to talk," I said evasively.

     "Nate?"  He cocked an eyebrow and kept looking at me.

     "I'm supposed to tell you that he'll talk to you.  Until then, you
can't ask any more questions.  Deal?"

     He looked at me appraisingly and then smiled.  "I don't know," he
said, coming over and putting his arms around me.  "It would be a whole lot
easier to not ask questions if I had something else to do with my lips."

     I grinned and rested my chin on his shoulder.  "What ever did you you
have in mind?" I asked innocently.

     "Well, I was thinking a little of this," Brian said, kissing my neck.
"And a little of this," he said, moving up and nibbling on my ear.

     "What about some of this?"  I suggested, moving my head and planting
my lips on his.  I parted my lips to accept Brian's tongue, which soon
found my own.  My hands came to rest in the small of Brian's back, pulling
him into me, while his were joined around my neck.  We remained there for
several moments, letting ourselves go with the emotion of the moment.

     "I think that'll keep me busy," he grinned.

     "You know," I said with a smile when we finally moved apart again.
"Some cultures believe that when two people kiss, their souls mingle
together."

     "Is that what I felt?" he joked.

     "Don't confuse my soul with your lust," I laughed, earning a smack in
the shoulder from him.

     "So what did Howie want?" he threw in, hoping to catch me off guard so
I would tell him.

     "Nice try, sweetheart," I grinned.  "You're not supposed to be asking
questions."

     "See what happens when you stop kissing me?" Brian said, pouting.

     I rolled my eyes, but didn't need to be asked twice.  I scooped Brian
back up into my arms and carried him into the bedroom.  It seemed strange
in there with all of the personal items packed away, but I wasn't exactly
taking note of that at the time.

     I lay Brian down on the bed and crawled on top of him.  He smiled
happily as I moved my hands to the sides of his head and started carressing
his jawline.  "You're absolutely beautiful," I whispered, looking at him.

     "Thanks," he said, his smile widening.  "Now shut up and kiss me."

     Okay, maybe I *did* need to be asked twice.  But who among us would
need a third invitation?  I smiled and leaned in, pressing my lips to his.
Brian responded by bringing his own arms up and placing them around my
waist, pulling me down on top of him, and opening his lips.

     Sliding my tongue along his, I let it explore Brian's mouth.  Running
it along the insides of his teeth, rubbing against his own tongue as I did
so, I felt him move his hands up to my shoulders and wrap his legs around
mine.

     I could feel the passion eminating from our bodies, and was almost
overwhelmed by it.  What had started out as a gentle heat in the core of my
being was now raging throughout my entire body.  It was the most intense,
most vital and vibrant feeling I had ever experienced.

     Brian began to moan, still continuing the kiss, and the vibrations he
was causing were driving me insane.  Finally, not being able to take it
anymore, I broke the kiss and moved my mouth to the hollow of his neck.

     "Oh my god!" Brian panted, trying to get his breath back.

     "My thoughts exactly," I whispered, moving away a little to let my
breath run across the damp area on Brian's neck.  He shivered and giggled.

     "I definitely felt a soul that time," he laughed.

     "Mmmmm..." was the only response I could make as I went back to work
on Brian's neck.  I brushed my lips across his adams apple, making him jump
a little, then settled my mouth over it and ran my tongue across it several
times quickly.

     Brian let his held breath out in a rush.  Sliding his hands up over my
shoulders, he dipped his own and rolled us over, coming to rest on top of
me this time.  My eyes closed so that I could concentrate on the sensations
coursing throughout my body, I felt his mouth come to rest on mine, then
felt him licking at my lips.  I parted them, and soon we were locked in
another passionate kiss.

     Before I knew what was happening, Brian had my shirt unbuttoned and he
was softly carressing my stomach.  Letting himself come to rest entirely on
top of me, he ran his hands up my exposed sides and around to cup my chin
in each hand.

     "I love you so much," he whispered, kissing me lightly on the chin.

     I opened my eyes to see a single tear in the corner of his left eye.
As I watched, it escaped and slid silently down his cheek, forming a
single, perfect droplet in the centre of his jaw.

     I craned my neck up and kissed it, tasting the saltiness of it.  "I
love you too Brian," I whispered back.  "More than I could ever manage to
say."

     "You don't have to say anything," he smiled down at me.  "I can
feel..."

     "Guys?" we heard Kevin call from the main room.  "Are you guys in
here?  We gotta get going."

     "Shit," Brian said under his breath.  "Just when things were getting
interesting."

     I stifled a laugh and sat up on the bed, looking at us.  It was
obvious what we had been up to.

     Brian hopped off of the bed.  "Just a minute Kev," he called, helping
me to my feet.  Kevin appeared in the doorway just as I was finishing
buttoning my shirt again and Brian was running his fingers through his hair
trying to bring some order back to it.

     "Oops," Kevin laughed, seeing us.  "Looks like I inturrupted."

     "Ya think?" Brian said sarcastically, then started to laugh.

     "Sorry guys, but we really do have to get going.  If we miss this
plane, management is going to kick our asses."

     "It's alright Kev," I said with a smile as I undid my belt and started
tucking in my shirt again.  "You certainly could have picked a better time
though."

     Kevin grinned.  "By the looks of things, it's a good thing I didn't
come in much later, or we'd never have made our flight."

     "Kevin!"  Brian hissed.  "Shut up!"

     "Actually Kevin, if you want to know," I laughed, walking up behind
Brian and kissing the back of his neck.  "The way things were going, I
don't think it would have taken all that long."

     "Nate!"  Brian said, slapping me in the arm.

     "Uh, that's a little more than I need to think about, thanks," Kevin
laughed.

     "Then next time, maybe you should knock before you walk into a
bedroom," I said, scolding him like a schoolmarm.

     "Point taken," he conceded, still smiling.

     "Okay, well, if you're in such a hurry, why don't we take our things
downstairs?" Brian asked, walking to the doorway.

     "My things are already down there," Kevin said with a smile.  "Some of
us didn't have anything to distract us this morning."

     "Yeah yeah yeah," Brian laughed.

     "Why don't you take your stuff down, Bri?  I'd like to talk to Nate
for a minute."

     "Oh," Brian said, rather disappointedly.  "Okay, I guess.  See you
down there, then.  Just don't try any funny business.  He's mine," he
laughed.

     "I promise I won't lay a finger on him," Kevin grinned.  "We'll be
down in a minute."

     "Alright," Brian agreed and walked out to gather his own bags.

     "What did you want to talk to me about?" I asked, sitting down on the
edge of the bed.

     "It's about Howie," he said.  "I know he asked to talk to you this
morning.  Brian came to see if I knew what was going on."

     "Okay..." I said.

     "Is he still giving you a hard time Nate?  If he is, I'll have a talk
with him.  You and Brian have enough things on your plates without worrying
about any hassle from him."

     I smiled at his concern.  "Thanks for the offer, Kev, but it's not
necessary.  I'll tell you what Howie wanted, but you have to promise not to
say a word to Brian.  Howie wants to talk to him on his own."

     Kevin nodded and sat beside me.  "I promise I won't say a thing."

     "Okay.  Howie asked to talk to me alone because he wanted to apologise
for the way he has been acting.  He wanted to talk to me first, because he
felt that he had been worse to me than he was to anyone else."

     "He was," Kevin agreed.

     "No argument from me," I smiled.  "But at first he was afraid that I
would just use Brian to put myself in the public eye, and then leave him
and hurt him and the rest of you by going public with it.  He didn't want
to see that happen."

     "None of us do, but we trust you," Kevin argued.

     "And I thank you for it.  But Howie didn't trust me.  Probably because
he still has some issues to work through with this whole gay thing.
Whatever his reasons, he said this morning that he had changed his mind
about me.  The last few days, as well as my letter to Jackie and Harold,
managed to convince him that Brian and I really are in love."

     "It's about time," Kevin laughed.  "All you have to do is look at the
two of you together and it's obvious."

     "Obvious to you," I smiled.  "You wanted to see it.  Howie didn't,
until last night."

     "So he's okay with you and Brian?"

     I shrugged.  "I guess so.  He recognises that we love each other.
That's a good start.  He said he still has reservations about two guys
being together, but that's natural I guess.  At least he's trying."

     Kevin nodded.  "I'll have to see if he wants to talk about it," he
said.  "You know, to someone who isn't you and Brian."

     "No, don't do that," I said, looking him in the eye.  "Howie said that
he would talk to everyone in turn, and let them know that he's sorry for
the way he's been acting.  Wait until he talks to you.  I don't want him to
know that I told you what happened this morning.  The only reason I told
you was because I didn't want you worrying about it until Howie said
something to you."

     "Okay, but Brian's still worried about it."

     "I know he is, but Howie promised to talk to him as soon as he could,"
I said, walking over and throwing my computer bag over my shoulder.  I
picked up one suitcase while Kevin took the other for me.

     "He's gotta be asking questions about what happened," Kevin said.  "He
must have tried to get it out of you."

     I nodded with a grin.  "That's how that started," I laughed, tossing
my head in the direction of the bedroom.

     "Nice distraction," he said with a grin.  "But I didn't think you and
Brian were... you know... yet."

     "We're not," I said, opening the door and stepping out into the hall.
"At least, we haven't.  I don't know whether we would have today or not,
honestly.  I don't know whether to thank you or kill you for unterrupting
us."

     Kevin laughed again, then became serious.  "I don't know whether I
should even be talking to you about this..." he started.

     "Kevin, after all you've done for us, you can talk about anything you
want.  If it's none of your business, I'll tell you so."

     "Oh I know it's none of my business," he grinned.  "But there's
something I'm kind of concerned about."

     "Well, spit it out," I smiled, pressing the elevator button.

     "It's just that... I don't know if you've... I'm not sure whether..."

     "Today would be nice, Kev," I laughed.

     "Brian's a virgin," he blurted out, surprising me.  "Shit, that didn't
come out well at all," he said to himself more than me.  "What I mean
is..."

     "You want to make sure that he's ready before anything happens," I
finished for him.

     "Something like that, yeah," Kevin agreed, nodding his head.

     "Kevin, I've never been with anyone either," I said, laughing at his
discomfort.

     "What?  But you've been out for so long, I just figured..."

     "Just being out doesn't mean that I've slept with someone," I grinned.
"Sure, I've dated a bit, but nothing ever happened."

     "Oh," Kevin said, not sure what to say.

     "Look, Kev.  Brian and I have already talked about this.  Whatever
happens between us will be because we're both ready and we both want it to
happen.  Until then, we'll just have to control ourselves.  I won't hurt
him."

     "I know you would never hurt him, Nate.  But I can see how much he
loves you, and I just didn't want him doing anything that he wasn't ready
for just to make you happy."

     I nodded my understanding as we got onto the elevator, and Kevin
pressed the button for the lobby.

     "Thanks Nate," he said, smiling at me.

     "For what?"

     "For not telling to mind my own business," he said.  "For making me
feel a lot better."

     "Brian's happiness is your business," I said.  "You want to make sure
he doesn't get hurt.  How could I not understand that?"

     Kevin shook his head.  "You're something else," he grinned.



     "It's about time!" Nick exclaimed as we stepped off of the elevator.
"We're late!"

     "Calm youself down, little man," AJ laughed.  "We've got plenty of
time to get to the airport."

     "I'll show you a little man," Nick laughed, advancing on AJ.

     "You keep your 'little man' to yourself, thank you very much," AJ
grinned.  "He doesn't need to come out and play."

     Nick blushed and sat back down again, making us all laugh.

     "And what were you two talking about?" Brian asked, sauntering up to
Kevin and I.  I could see him actually hold himself back from taking my
hand in his own.

     "Kevin was just telling me about how you wet the bed until you were
twelve," I smiled.

     "I DID NOT WET THE BED!" Brian practically yelled, drawing attention
from the other patrons in the hotel.

     Kevin couldn't keep from laughing, and was soon doubled over on the
floor with tears slipping out the corners of his eyes.  AJ, Nick and Howie
weren't too far behind him.

     I lay my hand on Brian's back and suppressed my own laughter.  "I was
kidding, sweetie," I whispered.  "I'll tell you about it later."

     Brian, obviously embarrassed, looked at me for a minute and, seeing my
resolve, nodded his agreement.  "Okay, but you owe me big-time for
embarrassing me like that," he grinned.

     "I'm not the one that yelled," I protested.

     "Doesn't matter," he smiled.  "You still owe me."

     "I'll see what I can do to make it up to you," I promised with a
smile.  If there hadn't been a lobby full of people around, I would have
kissed him as well, but had to restrain myself.

     "Okay," Kevin said, getting up from the floor.  "Let's get on the
road."

     Nick, AJ and Howie picked themselves up as well and grabbed their
things.  We followed Kevin to the front doors and ran out to the waiting
limo.  There was a separate car there to take our luggage, so we packed it
and ran to our own car.

     Soon, we were on the road to the airport, and Brian was playing with
my hair.

     "I love the way it curls around right here," he said, touching the
centre of my forehead lightly.  "It's just so cute.  Like Superman, but not
as corny-looking."

     "And you two are *too* cute," AJ said, making gagging noises.

     "What about the way yours curls around your ears?" I said, running my
finger along his temple and behind his ear.  "It's adorable."

     "If you two don't stop talking like that, we're going to have to pull
over so I can be sick," Nick laughed.

     "Fine," Brian countered.  "We don't need to talk at all."  He pulled
me into a kiss that was only marginally less passionate than the one that
we had shared in the bedroom earlier.

     "From now on, you two have to take a separate car," Nick said with a
wry smile as we broke the kiss and started to laugh.

     "Oh leave them alone," Kevin defended us with a grin.  "They're in
love."

     "Sounds like cupid hit someone else with an arrow too," AJ laughed.

     "What are you talking about?" Kevin asked.

     "Something tells me that you wouldn't be as sappy as you just were if
there wasn't a certain editor sitting somewhere right now thinking about
you," AJ said.

     "Cut it out," Kevin smiled.

     "Come on, Kev.  You like her.  That's obvious," Howie spoke up.

     "And we can tell you that she feels the same way, cuz," Brian said.
"She said as much this morning before she left."

     "Okay," Kevin threw up his hands in submission.  "Alright, I like her.
I like her a lot.  We have a lot in common, and she's really interesting to
talk to.  She's wonderful."

     AJ smiled, proud of himself for having made Kevin admit his feelings
for Carrie.  "Now was that so hard?"

     "You guys are bound to find out everything that happens anyway.
There's no way to keep it from happening, if we have to spend seven days a
week together.  Carrie and I kissed, but that's it."

     "From what Carrie said this morning, it was some kind of kiss, too," I
grinned.

     Kevin practically beamed.  "It was," he agreed.  "It was perfect.  We
were up on the roof of the hotel - did you know they have a garden up
there? - anyway, we were watching the sunrise, and it just seemed like the
right time.  I took both of her hands and turned her to face me, and then
we just came together."

     "Awww," Brian said.  "That's so romantic.  How come we never do that?"
he asked me with a smile.

     "Funny, I haven't heard any complaints," I said.  "Maybe if we kissed
less, they would be more special," I suggested with a smile.  "Would you
like to give that a try?"

     Brian thought for a minute.  "No," he decided with a grin.  "I think
we're doing just fine in that department."

     "I had a feeling that you'd say that," I grinned.

     "Me too," the rest of the car said in unison.  Brian blushed and lay
his head on my shoulder.  I bent my neck so that my cheek was resting on
the top of his head.

     Shortly, we arrived at the airport and got out of the limo.  I noticed
the car with the luggage pull up behind us, and the driver and two
passengers got out and started to load the bags onto a luggage cart.

     Excusing myself, I ran over to the cart and took my computer bag from
one of the guys as he was placing it in with the other luggage.

     "Thanks," I said, then ran back to join the guys.

     "You working on the plane?" Nick asked.

     "I might get something accomplished, but I might not," I said.
"Either way, I feel better having this thing with me."

     Nick nodded and we walked together with the rest of the guys to the
main terminal.

     Kevin lead us to the first class lounge and we sat down, waiting for a
few minutes until our flight was called.  Brian and I sat down on a couch
with AJ while Howie, Nick and Kevin stood at the bank of windows watching
the planes outside.

     "So how's the book coming, Nate?" AJ asked as he leaned back in his
seat.

     "Well, it's going well, I guess," I grinned.  "I had quite a bit done
before I joined you guys, so I've been able to take it a bit easier for the
last little while.  I've got to get back to it, though."

     "He certainly does," Brian said with a laugh.  "Carrie made me promise
to make sure he worked.  Once we get to the next hotel, we're sitting down
and working out some sort of schedule."

     "A schedule?  How anal can you get?" I aksed with a laugh.  AJ giggled
to himself, making all three of us start to laugh.  "You know what I mean."

     "Well we have to work out some way that you can get your work done and
still spend time with me...er, us," Brian smiled.

     "That shouldn't be too hard," I said.  "While you guys are at
rehearsals and all the other stuff you're out of the hotel for, I'll work.
That way, when you get back, I'm all yours."

     "Sounds good to me," AJ added.  "If it works, you should both have
about the same amount of free time."

     Brian thought about it and then nodded.  "Okay, we'll do it that way,
but you have to promise me that if you need to work, you'll say so, whether
I'm there or not."

     I sighed and gave him a smile.  "I promise."

     "Good," he returned the smile.  "Do I get to read it?"

     "Oh no," I said.  "You know the rules.  Editors and agents only."

     "But what about incredibly cute and irresistable boyfriends?" Brian
protested.  "Surely we get some kind of special treatment?"

     "Oh, you do," I laughed.  "I do things with you that I never do with
them."

     "You know what I mean," Brian chuckled.

     "I've never even let Andrea read my stuff," I said, hoping that he
would understand what I was getting at.

     Brian sighed and gave up.  "Okay, but I want my very own autographed
copy of both books when the new one comes out," he bargained.

     "Deal," I said, brushing my hand quickly across his thigh.

     "What about me?" AJ asked, looking over at me.  "Don't I get
anything?"

     "Sorry," Brian laughed.  "The offer's open only to incredibly cute and
irresistable boyfriends."

     "Hmph," AJ smiled.  "Looks like someone needs to learn to share."

     "We'll see if I can't do something for you AJ," I grinned.

     Just then we heard the PA voice announce our flight and we headed for
the gate.  Looking at the tighly controlled faces of Brian and Nick, I
remembered that neither one of them liked to fly.

     "Brian," I whispered as we boarded the plane.

     "What?"

     "Make sure that Nick sits with us," I said.

     "Why?"

     "Well, unless I miss my guess, Kevin will sleep on the plane, and
Howie has things on his mind right now.  I just don't want him sitting
alone and hyping himself up about flying."
 
     Brian smiled at me and grabbed Nick by the arm, telling him to sit
with Brian and I.  Nick started to protest, but Brian interrupted him and
spoke to him for a moment.  When he was done, Nick looked up at me and
smiled.

     I returned the smile and followed the two of them to our seats.  We
quickly sat down, Brian between Nick and I, and buckled ourselves in.  Both
of them looked very nervous, and were gripping the arms of their seats
tightly.  I smiled at them both and thought about how glad I was that I
enjoyed flying.

     I noticed their grips tighten even more as the engines started to
cycle faster and faster and the plane started to move.  Brian looked as
though his hands would soon start to dig into the plastic of his seat.

     I smiled to myself, and, looking around to make sure that no one was
watching, leaned over and kissed Brian's cheek.  "Could you relax? Please?"

     "I can't," he said through his teeth.  "What if something goes wrong?"

     "Then you're in trouble no matter how tight you hold on," I smiled at
him, placing my hand on his.  His fingers immediately let go of the arm and
latched onto my hand.  I winced a little.  "Take it easy, Bri," I
protested.  "I need that hand for typing."

     His grip eased a little, and he smiled.  "We shouldn't be holding
hands," he said.

     "No one can see.  Besides, people aren't supposed to be walking around
during take-off anyway."

     Brian nodded and continued to hold my hand.  I glanced past him to
Nick.  "How you doing down there?" I asked him as we started to gain speed.

     Nick smiled a little bit, but didn't answer.  I got the distinct
impression that he was afraid of what kind of noise might come out if he
opened his mouth.

     "You two are such babies," I laughed.

     "Hey!" Nick smiled.  "I'm not a baby.  I just happen to be one of the
enlightened few who realises how unnatural it is for people to fly."

     "Disliking flying doesn't make us babies," Brian agreed.

     "Whatever. Baby."

     Brian laughed and held Nick back as he tried to punch me across Brian.

     "You're in for it when we land," Nick promised, giving me a playful
glare.

     "Puny little wimp like you?" I laughed.  "You can't even get on a
plane without your knees knocking together."

     We heard the couple in the seat behind us laughing, and we broke up as
well.

     Bringing himself under control again, Nick looked over at me and stuck
his tongue out.  "Now you're in even more trouble for embarrassing me," he
grinned.

     "Nick, you don't need any help embarrassing yourself," I smiled,
making the couple behind us giggle a little more, and Nick blushed.

     "I'm not the one that announced to the entire hotel that he didn't wet
the bed," Nick laughed.

     "Hey! That wasn't my fault!" Brian said.  "They tricked me."

     "Seems to be the order of the day," I commented with a grin.

     "What are you talking about?" Nick asked.

     "Well, in case you haven't noticed, we're off the ground and we're
fine.  The two of you were so busy arguing about not being babies that you
forgot to cry."

     Brian and Nick both looked to the nearest window, then back at me.
They both started to blush again as the people behind us gave me a little
applause.  I peeked around the corner of my seat and found a young couple
sitting there with smiles on their faces.  "Thanks," I laughed.

     Turning back to the guys, I found them both smiling at me.  "Thanks,"
Brian whispered, giving my hand a squeeze before releasing it.  "You're
something else."

     I smiled and stuck my tongue out at Nick.  I leaned back in and
whispered to Brian. "You may want to give that couple behind us some
autographs before we get off of the plane.  They had to listen to the two
of you mewling about being on a plane, afterall."

     Brian laughed and punched me in the arm.  Nick smiled and relaxed into
his seat.  "I'll see what I can do," Brian said.

     I returned the smile, then sat back and closed my eyes.  As soon as we
were allowed to be wandering around the plane again, a flight attendant
came by and offered us some pillows.  We all decided that it would be a
good idea to try and get some more sleep, and accepted gladly.  Brian and
Nick were engaged in a discussion about something for the concerts coming
up, so I decided to let them talk for a while.

     Taking my pillow, I started to place it against the side of the seat
so I would be leaning on Brian's shoulder, then thought better of it.
Leaning the other way, I shut my eyes and tried to get some sleep.

     As soon as my eyes were shut, bits of my nightmare started to come
back to me.  I clenched my eyelids closed, trying to banish the images.
Eventually, they went, but I still couldn't sleep.

     A few minutes later, I had just about finished trying and was deciding
to get some work done when I felt Brian's head come to rest on my shoulder.
Opening my eyes, I saw Brian leaning against me and Nick leaning against
Brian on the other side.  We must have been quite a sight, but with the
three of us all doing it, it didn't look as inappropriate as it could have.
I smiled and closed my eyes again.

     I managed a short nap, but didn't get much out of it.  I was starting
to get annoyed with myself, knowing that the flight was going to wipe my
energy if I didn't get some sleep.  Suddenly, the thoughts were shoved out
of my head as I felt Brian's arm fall across me.  He was turned a little
more in the seat, and he was starting to actually hug me in his sleep.

     Regardless of how many people in the row were sleeping, *this* looked
inappropriate.  With a sigh, I took Brian's arm again and placed it back in
his lap.  His body turned with it so that once again he was facing forward
with just his head resting against me.

     Deciding that that would look much more innocent, I closed my eyes
again and tried to clear my mind.  Against my will, images once again
deluged my consciousness.  This time, though, they were images from my
book.  I watched the characters interract for a little while before
deciding that my quest for sleep was futile.

     I sat back up straight, being careful not to wake Brian, and unpacked
my computer.  The flight attendant returned while I was waiting for it to
warm up and asked if I would like something to drink, and I ordered a
bottle of water.  She returned with it just as I was starting to type.

     I don't know how long I was working, but at some point Nick woke up.
He cleared his throat quietly and got my attention.  When I looked over, he
motioned to Brian and quietly asked if I wanted him to help me move him to
a different position.

     I thought about it and then shrugged.  Nick smiled and sat back in his
seat, urging me to get back to work.  I returned the smile and turned back
to my screen.

     
     Before I knew it, they were announcing that we would be landing.  I
had no idea how long I had been working on the book, but the flight seemed
remarkably short.

     Nick started to wake Brian, but I stopped him.  Instead, I had Nick
help me sit him up straight and I buckled his seatbelt again.  I determined
to let him sleep as long as possible.  There was no need to wake him up and
get him nervous until I absolutely had to.

     Nick smiled at me.  "Thanks, Nate," he said.

     "For what?"

     "For making sure I sat with you and Brian, and for taking my mind off
of the flight."

     "Don't mention it," I grinned.  "How are you doing now?"

     "Better," he said.  "Landing is never as bad as take-off."

     I nodded and thought about the logic of that.  Take off was the easy
part.  Here we were, hurtling at some ungodly speed toward a cement runway
with just a few flimsy wheels separating us from total annihalation.  Of
course, I wasn't about to point that out to Nick.

     When it couldn't be avoided any longer, I reached over and brushed my
hand through Brian's hair.  His eyes fluttered open and he smiled up at me.
"I was just dreaming about you," he whispered.

     I grinned.  "We're about to land," I said.  "You slept through most of
the trip."

     "I did?" he asked, sitting up straight and rubbing his eyes.

     "Yep," I grinned.  "Thought you said you couldn't sleep on a plane."

     "I usually don't," he said, confused.  "I don't get it."

     "Well, don't look a gift-snooze in the mouth," I laughed.

     Brian chuckled and nodded his agreement.

 
     PART 46

     Once we landed, Brian quickly got the rest of the guys to sign some
slips of paper for the couple who had been sitting behind us on the plane.
They looked confused for a minute, but then they realised who the guys were
and were shocked.

     The woman started telling us all about her neices, both of whom were
huge fans of the group, and how jealous they would be when they saw the
autographs.  Brian smiled and gave her a couple of more pages of signatures
for them.

     Sheepishly, her husband asked if I would mind taking their picture
with Brian and the guys.  I looked to Kevin, who nodded and gathered
everyone together.  Taking the camera, I stepped away a few paces and
snapped a couple of pictures, just in case the first one didn't turn out
well.  We drew some looks, but since the majority of the passengers were at
least 40, no one else recognised the group.

     With the pictures taken and the autographs given, Brian thanked the
couple and then excused himself and the rest of us.  We left the pair of
them standing there, slightly dazed grins on their faces, and headed to
claim our baggage.

     "What was that all about?" Kevin asked when we were out of earshot.

     "They were sitting behind Nate, Nick and I," Brian smiled.  "They
overheard Nate distracting us from the take-off, and they were laughing.
They even gave him a round of applause."

     I shrugged.  "I just wanted to do something nice for them."

     "Then why didn't *you* sign their stuff and take a picture with them?"
AJ joked.

     "Because they don't have a clue who I am," I laughed.  "You're the
ones with the famous faces."

     "Well it's obvious that they don't read the tabloids," Howie grinned.
"Or they would have been asking when you and Nick were getting married."

     I laughed again and grabbed my luggage from the carousel.  Shortly, we
had claimed our things and were heading out of the airport.

     "So what's the plan?" AJ asked.

     "We take cabs to the hotel," Kevin said, taking charge.  "Nate and
Brian, you get one.  Howie and AJ get another, and Nick and I will take a
third.  There should be enough room for our things that way.  We'll meet
back up in the lobby."

     Brian and I smiled at each other, drawing a warning about public
displays of affection from Kevin.  We gathered up our bags and hailed a
cab, while the others did the same.  Soon we were on the road, a
mini-caravan through the streets of Santa Fe.

     Brian and I held hands out of the view of the driver as we rode in the
cab.  Thankfully, the driver didn't seem to want to talk to us, so we just
sat and tried to keep from looking at each other.  It was a long ride.

     We hopped out of the car as it pulled up in front of the hotel.  Brian
went in search of a bell boy with a luggage cart as I paid the driver.
With that done, I unloaded the car and set the bags on the curb to wait for
Brian, and waved to the driver as he left.

     Brian returned just as AJ and Howie's cab pulled up, with Kevin and
Nick's right behind it.  We quickly unloaded their bags and entered the
hotel.  "You guys wait here while I check us in," Kevin said.  We nodded
our agreement with his plan and he wandered over to the counter.

     He returned a few minutes later with a handful of keys and started to
pass them out.  I noticed him hand two sets of keys to Brian, and smiled to
myself.  One was for my room, the other was for his and Nick's.  "Okay,
everyone, what do you want to do this evening?" he asked as we headed for
the elevators after making arrangements for our luggage to be delivered to
our rooms.

     I yawned and leaned against the back of the elevator.  "Well," Brian
said, leaning against me with a smile.  "My little baby here is going to
sleep for a while."

     I grinned and kissed his forehead, but didn't argue.  As predicted, my
plane ride was catching up with me and I was about to fall asleep on my
feet.

     "Me too," Nick said with a smile.

     "Okay, so that leaves Howie, Kevin and I then," AJ said, looking
around as the elevator doors opened.

     "No," I corrected as we stepped out into the hall.  "*My* little baby
got lots of sleep on the flight.  He's going to go with you guys and have
some fun."

     "But..." Brian started to protest.

     "No buts," I insisted, then put my hand up to stop AJ from making an
off-colour remark about our butts.  "You don't need to sit around and watch
me sleep.  Go with the guys.  Get something to eat, see a movie, whatever.
I'll be fine."

     Brian looked about to protest, but I gave him a look showing that I
meant business and he caved.  "Okay, but let me tuck you in," he smiled.

     "Deal," I agreed.  "If you guys will excuse us for a few minutes?" I
asked the rest of the group.

     "Sure," Kevin laughed.  "Bri?  Just meet us in my room when you're
ready, and we'll decide where we're going."

     Brian nodded and followed me to the room.  I unlocked the door and
stepped inside, with him at my heels.  I tossed my things on the couch and
headed for the bedroom, deciding to unpack later.  We would be in Santa Fe
for almost a week, and there was lots of time.

     Brian laughed and added his bags to the pile, then followed me again.
I sighed and collapsed on the bed as soon as I was close enough to it to be
reasonably sure that I wouldn't bounce right back off.

     Brian giggled and rolled me over onto my back.  He unbuttoned my shirt
and sat me up so that he could get it off of me, then pulled my t-shirt
over my head.  Pushing me back down, he unbuttoned my pants and pulled them
off of me, pausing to remove my shoes and socks.

     When I was finally in my boxers, Brian pulled down the sheets of the
bed and rolled me over into position, pulling the covers back on top of me.
"Sweet dreams, sweetie," he whispered, kissing my temple and smoothing my
hair.  "I love you,"

     "I love you too," I mumbled as sleep finally took me.


     I screamed and shot out of bed a couple of hours later.  My heart was
racing and I could feel my pulse in my temples.  Sitting in the bed, it
took me a moment to realise where I was.  I threw a quick glance to my side
and relaxed a little when I remembered that Brian wasn't there with me.

     I took a few deep breaths until I started to feel a little
light-headed.  My heartbeat gradually eased and I was able to lay back on
the bed again.

     "Shit," I said to the empty room.  "What the hell is going on?"

     Getting no answer from the room, I swivelled in the bed and brought my
feet to rest on the floor.  My legs were trembling a little as I did so,
and I forced them to steady.  The nightmare had been the same one, but had
at the same time been different.  More clear and, if possible, more
horrifying.

     I could remember the screech of tearing metal, but that was the only
clear thing that I could hold onto.  The sound was embedded in my mind, and
very nerve-wracking.  It was the audio equivalent to biting on tinfoil.
The rest was a jumble of images that I couldn't get my mind to grab and
hold.  Not that I was especially eager to do so.

     I shivered a little as my air-conditioned surroundings came into
contact with my sweat-damp skin, then stood from the bed and started for
the bathroom.

     'Thank god Brian wasn't here,' I thought to myself.  'He'd be just as
scared as I am, and that's the last thing that he needs, especially if I
can't explain it to him.'

     I had just opened the bathroom door when I heard a knock at the door.
Changing direction, I walked to the door and looked through the peep hold.
Nick was standing there, looking concerned.

     I unlocked the door, wondering what was bothering him, and opened it.
"Are you okay?" he asked, rushing in as soon as the door was open enough to
allow it.
 
     "What?" I asked, bewildered and still a little shaken up.

     "Nate, I have the room next door to this one.  I heard you screaming.
Now what's going on?"

     "Oh," I said, hoping that I looked as nonchalant as I was trying to
sound.  "Bad dream."

     "Nightmare, by the sound of it."

     I nodded.  "Yeah, I guess it was," I said.  "You could really hear
me?"

     "Are you kidding?" he asked.  "I'm surprised the people in the lobby
didn't hear you.  Do you want to talk about it?"

     "There's not a whole lot to talk about," I said, waving him into the
room.  "But let me get dressed first, before we do anything else.  It's
freezing in here."

     Nick looked at me, and for the first time noticed that my body was
covered in sweat.  "Jesus Nate," he said.  "Must have been some kind of
dream.  You're not shivering, you're tembling."

     I nodded absently, then told him to sit down while I got some clothes
on.  He headed for a couch while I headed for the bedroom.  I picked up the
clothes that Brian had taken off of me earlier, noting that he had taken
the time to fold them and put them on a chair for me, and loving him all
the more for it.

     I walked to the bathroom and took a moment to clean myself up and
gather myself again before I started to dress.

     Once I was fully dressed again, I joined Nick in the main room.

     "I ordered some coffee," he said.  You looked like you could use it."

     I sighed and joined him on the couch.  "I could," I smiled.

     "What was it about?" he asked with concern in his voice.

     "I don't know," I said.  "I can't remember what it was about, or
really anything about it.  All I know is that it's always the same one."

     "You've had it before?"

     I nodded.  "Yeah.  I've been having it every now and again since
Chicago.  It's getting more real each time, though."

     "What does Brian think?"

     "He doesn't know," I said.  "This is the first time that I've ever
woken up screaming.  I've been close, but never actually made a sound.  I
haven't woken him up with it yet.  I just get out of bed and go into the
bathroom until I calm down."

     "Why haven't you told him?" Nick asked.  "He'd want to know if
something is bothering you."

     "But I can't tell him anything more than I told you.  I don't know
what's happening.  I can't explain it.  And after the week he's had, he
doesn't need to know that his boyfriend is going crazy."

     "You're not going crazy Nate," Nick smiled.  "Though it does sound a
bit odd.  Why would you be having the same nightmare over and over again?"

     "I don't know, Nick," I said.  "At first I thought it might have
something to do with the book, but as it gets clearer, I know it doesn't.
I don't know how, but I know it's not connected to the book."

     "And you don't remember anything about it?"

     "The only thing I remember is the sound of tearing metal.  You know
that screech that it makes as it's torn apart?"

     Nick nodded. "That's strange.  And you've never had them before now?
Before Chicago?"

     "No," I said.  "In fact, I rarely dream at all, and when I do I never
remember them."

     Nick thought for a moment, but didn't come up with any new ideas about
what was causing the nightmares.  "Are you going to tell Brian about all of
this?" he asked finally.

     "No," I answered immediately.  "And neither are you.  Either they'll
go away, or they'll get bad enough that he'll find out, but I'm not going
to add to his worries with something that neither one us can do anything
about."

     Nick looked at me closely, then agreed.  "Okay.  I won't say a word.
But if they don't get better fast, Brian's going to find out.  I think
he'll notice if you're sitting in the bed screaming your head off."

     I grinned nervously.  "Yeah, but I want to at least wait until I have
some idea about what's going on.  I hate not knowing."

     "I can understand that," Nick said.  There was a knock on the door,
and he got up to answer it.

     Nick got the tray from the waiter and walked back to me, sitting it on
the coffee table in front of us.  There was a carafe of coffee and a pot of
tea, with two cups.  I smiled as I poured my coffee, anticipating the first
sip, and the warmth that would come with it.

     Nick got his tea and sat back in the chair, looking off into space.

     "So what do you want to do while we wait for the guys to come back?"
There was no answer.  "Nick?"  I noticed the look of concentration on his
face and realised that he was working up his nerve to say something to me.
I decided to let him work through it on his own.

     I sipped my coffee and watched the clouds float by out the window.
After a few minutes, I heard a slight catch in Nick's breathing and I
turned back to look at him.

     He was breathing strangely, and it took me a moment to realise that he
was taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down.  He leaned forward to
set his tea down and his hands were trembling so much that he spilled some
of it out before he could rest the cup on the table.

     "Nick?"  I asked.  He looked like he was ready to pass out.  "Nick?
Are you okay?"

     He sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and hanging his head.
"Nevermind," he whispered.

     "No, not nevermind," I said, sliding over and putting my hand on his
shoulder.  "You listened to me, now I'm going to listen to you. What's
going on with you?"

     "Nate," Nick said, looking up.  His eyes were wet, but there were not
tears yet.  "You don't need this.  You've got enough going on already.
You've got the book, you've got the nightmares, you've got Brian and his
family..."

     "Let me worry about what I can and can't handle, Nick," I said.  "You
start talking."

     "I don't think I can yet," he moaned, dropping his head again.

     'Shit, what's bothering him?' I asked myself.  'He looks like he's
about to collapse.'

     "Nick," I said aloud.  "Talk to me.  You obviously need to tell
someone."

     Nick's shoulders slumped even further than they already were, and his
back started to hitch a little as his sobs started.  "Oh Nick," I said,
pulling him into a hug.

     Nick clung to me as he cried.  He started to talk, but with his sobs
it was impossible to understand.  Shushing him, I just held him and told
him to let it out, that we could talk about it when he was ready.

     There were tears on my own face by the time his crying began to taper
off, just from seeing the turmoil that he was going through.  "Can you talk
about it?" I asked, pulling away and looking at his face.

     Nick nodded like a child.  His eyes were red and swollen, and his lip
still had a slight quiver to it, but he was done crying.  I reached out and
wiped the tear-streaks off of his face.  "I don't know where to start," he
whispered.

     "Start at the start," I said simply.  "You'll find the words."

     He nodded again and took a deep breath.  "I was coming to see you
tonight when I heard you scream," he started.  "I was hoping that you would
be awake.  Obviously you wouldn't have been."

     I smiled a little, and encouraged him to continue.

     "I wasn't really tired tonight.  I just wanted to talk to you, and it
seemed like the perfect time with everyone else gone.  So I went to my room
and worked up the courage to come over here with I thought you'd be awake
again.  There's something on my mind, and I can't talk about it to the rest
of the guys.  I was hoping that you could help me with it, but you've got
too much to worry about as it is," he said, waving his hand dismissively.

     "I already told you to let me decide that," I said.

     "But..."

     "Talk," I ordered.

     Nick sighed and looked down at the carpet, obviously unsure of what to
say next.  My heart broke just looking at him.  "Nick," I said, making him
look up.  "Take whatever it is that's bothering you, and try to narrow it
all down to one question.  Then ask me that question.  We'll work from
there."

     Nick nodded and thought about it for a few moments.  I saw his face
scrunch up as he forced himself not to cry again, and then a look of
resignation came over him.  He turned to me, and I gave him an encouraging
smile.  "Do you have a question?" I asked.

     "Yeah," he answered, still looking a little unsure of himself.

     "Okay.  Ask it.  We'll take it from there and see what we can come up
with."

     Another deep breath from Nick, and then he blurted out his question.
"How do you know if you're gay?"

To Be Continued...

*PLEASE NOTE: I will be away for a few days, so the next intallment WILL
NOT be coming out in three days, as most of you would be expecting.  There
will probably be a ONE WEEK period between this installment and the next
one.  Sorry, but I'll be in the wilds of Canada, and won't be able to
write, post, or email :) I will respond to those of you who write as soon
as I can when I get back.

Thanks for reading everyone! :) As always, comments are certainly welcome
and appreciated!

DLS

dls_stories@hotmail.com