Date: Mon, 20 Dec 1999 09:03:12 EST From: That's The Way I Like It <bsb_stories@hotmail.com> Subject: Gay/Celebrity/Boy-Bands "Changes" Chapters 9-10 Please don't read if you are offended by gay themes. The usual disclaimer re: fictional use of "real life" people applies. CHAPTER NINE Dani Torrenti was on her hands and knees at the edge of the stage in Holland, thankful that she had grungy overalls on since the whole place seemed to have a thin layer of dust over it. Nick Carter was on stage finishing up with the soundcheck, walking around with his mike on and jumping around from the risers to the ground and back. Dani had been testing out her camera settings from a variety of angles and taking a few candid shots here and there. Nick was singing random things as he walked around, signalling occasionally to one of the sound engineers when he wanted a change. A tap on her shoulder caused Dani to practically jump out of her skin. "God, A.J.! Don't do that!" "Sorry," he grinned. "I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me to grab something to eat. Since I'm on my way and I saw you were still here." Dani grinned back, flirting just a little bit. "Well... I guess I could be forced ... no, honestly, I'm freakin' starving. Sounds great." She slipped her camera off and capped the lens before putting it all away in the beat-up case she'd brought with her. "Are we asking blondie?" Dani asked as A.J. helped her hop off the stage. "Nah, I'm sure Brian wants to be the one giving the hourly feeding," A.J. smirked. "So mean," Dani laughed. "Spoon feeding him the Gerber's," A.J. added. Dani shook her head as she followed him out of the arena. "I never knew you were so vicious." "Nicky brings that out in all of us," A.J. said. "Ah, we all love the little shit." It was bright and sunny outside and Dani dug around in her bag for sunglasses. A.J. had worn his indoors, of course, and so he watched, bemused. "Whoever invented the sun has a lot of explaining to do," Dani grinned, content once she had her eyes shielded. "It's a bitch, ain't it?" "Oh yeah." They strolled casually down the street, which led directly into a little city market. "So we're not going to get rushed by screaming fans? I'm a little disappointed." "Be careful what you wish for," A.J. smiled. "It's not pretty when it happens." "That was definitely irony," Dani said. "Definitely don't want to get crushed to death." She paused by a pleasing assortment of fruit. "Wow, those look amazing," she said. "D cup," A.J. said, picking up a melon and rolling it around in his hand. "Wonder melon," Dani smiled. A.J. looked down at the fruit, peering over the top of his shades. "Oh no. This is a must eat." He waved it at the sales guy hopefully, and the young man, who'd heard them speaking English, wrote down the price on a slip of paper. "Thanks," Dani smiled as they moved on. "Or danke." "That's German," A.J. offered. "I know that," Dani frowned, "but Dutch is close to German." "Not that close." "Okay, wiseass, forget I said anything." Armed with sandwiches, beer for A.J. and some kind of fortified carbonated apple drink for Dani, and the aforementioned melon, A.J. and Dani set up camp in a park and dug into their lunch. "Oh wow, this cheese is really fresh," Dani said, her eyes getting big. "Hmm," A.J. said, "I don't really want to think about how fresh it is. Consider the source." "Sorry," Dani choked, laughing with food in her mouth. "Forgot, you're from Orlando, you like everything to arrive in plastic wrap." "Hey, don't diss what you don't know," A.J. grinned. "O Town is a very chill place." "Isn't it basically a city erected to bow down before the Great Mouse?" "Nay, not true. There was Orlando before there was Walt." "My mistake. Can you forgive me?" "Hmmm. I'm thinking." Dani laughed and took another bite of her sandwich. The cheese really did taste different. The cows in Europe must be different. Oh yeah, they were mad cows. Yeesh, better not to think about that. "A.J., can I ask you a semi-serious question?" "Sure. But prepare for a semi-serious answer." "I wouldn't expect anything else, darling." A.J. made a silly face at her and dabbed at his mouth with a napkin. "Do you think things are going to work out okay on this tour? I mean, is it normal for you guys to be fighting so much?" "Worried about your job?" "No, I mean..." Dani gave him a look. "Come on, I know what a cash machine the Backstreet Boys is. You guys aren't going to split up any time soon. So I still have a job. But, these are not exactly great work conditions, are they?" A.J. looked out into space, thinking about how to respond. "I dunno, we've kind of been on this track for a while. Whether or not things will improve, who can tell." "It just feels uncomfortable." "Mmm... think of it like a family reunion, or Thanksgiving or something. We're like a family. A dysfunctional family." "No wonder I feel so awkward sometimes," Dani laughed. "Exactly. Just try not to get sucked into any little battles, because you don't know the background and it's probably been going on for five years." Dani nodded. "Wise words. Thank you, o A.J." He bowed deeply and got up with a little smirk on his face. "My pleasure, Danielle." They made eye contact which felt oddly intense. Dani dropped her gaze first to go back to her food. "Brian? Are you here?" Nick quickly walked through his hotel suite and sat on the bed, dejected. Nobody seemed to be around and he'd just told his bodyguard to go have lunch. Nick turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels, bored out of his mind within a few minutes. Where was Brian? He said he'd be around after Nick did his sound check. Maybe he got too hungry and went to get some food. Nick felt his irritation level rising quickly. He didn't want to feel dependant on Brian, like he couldn't be left alone for two minutes, like he had no other friends or social life. Was this some kind of test? Was Brian playing with his mind? Nick went over to the fridge and discovered that there was nothing in the mini bar. Brian must have made special arrangements. Nick just stared. Bastard! What the hell was that supposed to be about? "Hey Nick, you're back," Brian's voice drifted in, sweet and friendly, but Nick stood up and scowled at him, so angry that his heart was pounding in his chest. "What the fuck, Brian?" Nick cried out. "Nick - what?" Brian's eyes widened. "What's wrong?" Nick kicked the fridge and walked over to the window. "You know very fucking well," he said, shaking with rage. "Nick, tell me, I don't understand..." Brian walked up to him quickly and put a hand on his shoulder, but Nick whipped around and shoved Brian away from him. "Asshole," Nick said, beginning to cry. Brian felt panicked. "Nicky... I'm sorry I wasn't here..." Nick just collapsed on the bed, sobbing. Every time Brian tried to comfort him, Nick pushed him away. Eventually Brian sank to his knees next to Nick and cried too. "Nick, whatever it is, please tell me..." "I can't do this," Nick said finally, tears running down his face. "What? Nick?" "Us, I can't do us." Brian gasped, feeling as though he'd just been kicked in the stomach. "I have to get out of here," Nick said, and he stood up. "Please don't go," Brian cried, "Nicky, I don't even know why you're leaving..." Nick walked out and slammed the door behind him. "Son of a bitch," Brian moaned, letting anger take him over as well. He picked up a glass bowl for ice and threw it against the wall. Not a minute later, his door opened, and Howie came in. Brian was curled up on the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees, crying hard. Howie knelt beside him and put an arm around Brian's shoulders. He'd heard Nick and Brian yelling from the hall and then the crashing sound, and wanted to make sure nobody was hurt. "Why, Howie," Brian moaned, "why does he have to do this?" "Break it off again?" "Yes," Brian sobbed, "he broke it off again. Damnit..." He was shaking and he pounded his fists on his thighs. "How can he take something that means so much and just throw it away, like he doesn't care, like it means fucking nothing to him." Howie stroked Brian's back and shoulders gently. "I don't know, Bri. He's young... Maybe he just can't handle a relationship this intense." "It's not fair," Brian cried softly, "I give him every part of my heart and soul, and he just walks out... He didn't even tell me why." After nearly beating down Clive's door, Nick had obtained a key to a different room in the hotel and then gone down to the bar to buy some alcohol. He was hurrying back up to the new room, hoping to avoid running into any of the other guys, when Kevin stepped into the elevator with him. "Nick," Kevin sighed, seeing that Nick was clutching two big bottles of vodka. "What are you doing?" "None of your fucking business," Nick replied rudely, and tried to shove past Kevin when they got to his floor. Kevin grabbed his arm. "Where are you going?" "This is my floor," Nick said, yanking himself free. "What - ?" The elevator door shut and Nick hurried to find his new room, wanting to shut himself in and be left alone. Kevin counted to ten to cool off and when he got to his floor, he went first to Misha's room. "Oh, Leighanne," Kevin said, surprised to find her there. "Hey Kev. You should see these first shots Misha had printed, they're amazing!" "Maybe later," Kevin said somberly. "Can I talk to Misha for a second?" "Of course," Leighanne smiled at him, reaching up to plant a smooch on Kevin's cheek. "I'll see you when I get back from Switzerland." Kevin gave her a half-smile and waited until the door shut to begin talking. "Misha, can I sit down?" "Of course..." Misha smiled at him and sat down as well. Kevin was a striking looking man, tall and dark with piercing green eyes and a glowering kind of expression. His cousin Brian was shorter and more fair, but both men had beautifully chiselled facial features. "It's about Brian." Misha nodded nervously. "I know that the two of you have been spending a lot of time together and he told me that he really likes talking to you, and that you've really been a help to him." Wow, Misha thought, Brian talked about me, and for that length of time? "Yes, I think we get along very well," Misha said blandly. "Can I ask you something?" "Yes...?" "How do you feel about him. I mean, are you interested in pursuing something more than a friendship?" Misha felt himself looking up and into those magnetic green eyes. "I... Well, I'm attracted to him. Does that answer your question?" Misha gave Kevin a weak smile. Kevin nodded. "I thought so," he said rather bitterly. "Well, I just wanted to let you in on a few things before anything gets out of hand." Misha froze. He was not expecting a lecture or an inquisition. "First of all, I'm not sure it's in our best interest for this kind of relationship to happen because it crosses the personal and professional lines," Kevin said. "You see what goes on when it's two of us guys together. It makes more sense for us to date somebody else who is on our level, meaning that they don't have anything to gain by exposing us, but somebody who is not directly affiliated with the Backstreet Boys." "Uh huh," Misha said, a bit rudely. "Second, Brian and Nick are trying to get their relationship working again. I know it's not a perfect relationship, but frankly, it's going to really help the band as a whole if we can get those two copacetic." Misha just nodded. He felt like a complete fool for having admitted his crush to Kevin, now that it was being used against him. Here he was thinking that perhaps Kevin would be an ally. "Brian is in love with Nick, and if he starts getting involved with somebody else, it will just be a fling, and as soon as he can, he'll go back to Nick. You are probably already figuring that out. And Nick... well, you know what happened in New York. He is very unstable right now and he really needs Brian. I don't want to see anything going on to break them up." "I haven't done a thing," Misha said angrily. He was incredibly offended by all of this and couldn't believe how Kevin was humiliating him. The only way this could have been worse was if there had been another person present to hear it. "I'm not accusing you at all," Kevin said. "I just want you to know that from my perspective, I think Brian and Nick have to get together. I'm speaking as Brian's cousin, as Nick's friend, and as a member of the group that needs to stick together. I have no problem with you and I am not saying you've done anything inappropriate. I just want to make you aware." Kevin stood up and nodded at Misha formally. "If you want to talk about this more later, just give me a call." "Sure," Misha said under his breath as Kevin walked to the door and let himself out. "Right. I'll check in with you." Dani came in later that evening and was shocked by what Misha told her. "What set that off?" "I have no idea," Misha said miserably. "I feel like such a fool." "It's not your fault," Dani said, rubbing his back. "God Dani, they're all so fucking manipulative." "Well, A.J. I think just does his own thing," Dani replied. "But definitely between Kevin, Brian and Nick, it's far too complicated. None of those guys makes sense to me." "Great," Misha groaned, "all the gay ones are psycho." "Don't let them play games with you," Dani said. "I wasn't trying to get involved..." "Mish." "I wasn't! I mean, I was just being a friend to Brian." "But you were giving him advice on his love life." "True.. but I was helping them stay together! Sort of." "Do you want to just get the hell out of here for the night?" "That would be great," Misha said sadly. "I don't want to see any goddamned Backstreet Boys for at least eight hours." "Brian is too fucked up over Nick," Dani said as she picked out a new outfit to wear. "Nick is just fucked up in general. So is Kevin. You're right, those three are all psycho. A.J. is cool, though." "You said that before," Misha said sourly. Brian was sitting in his hotel room in the dark. Howie had been a good friend that night, taking him out for dinner and to see a movie. It had helped to get his mind off Nick, as much as it was possible to do so. Howie didn't mind at all, since it also helped to distract him from how much he missed his wife Maria. But there was only so long they could keep it up, and now Brian was alone with his thoughts. The phone rang and he picked it up right away. "Hello?" "Brian?" It was Nick. Brian's heart jumped into his throat. "Nick? Where are you? Are you okay?" Nick just cried, and Brian waited patiently. "Baby, it's okay," he said finally. It wasn't okay, and part of him knew that he wasn't as quick to forgive as he said he was. But he wanted Nick back. "I miss you Brian," Nick said, and Brian could hear from the thickness in his voice that he had been drinking. "Where are you, Nicky? Are you at a bar?" "No, I'm here, but you won't wanna see me ..." "You're in another room." "Yeah, I got another room." "What number, Nick?" Nick started crying again and Brian sighed, winding the phone cord around his wrist. "Come on Nick, just tell me where you are." "No, I can't." "Please? I just want to come and hold you." "You're mad at me." "No, baby..." That was a lie, and Brian bit his tongue. He didn't like lying, especially to Nick. "Promise you won't be mad, because what if I've been drinking." Like I couldn't tell, Brian thought. "I'm not mad. Just tell me where you are." When Brian got to the room, he paused before knocking. For the first time that he could remember, he had doubts about going to get Nick. His heart seemed to clench painfully in response to this doubt. I'm giving up? On my soul mate, on the love of my life? Brian shook his head and wiped a tear away. It wasn't possible. Nick opened the door looking appropriately shame faced, and stood there without speaking. Brian closed the door behind him, not wanting to give some random person the inside scoop on the Backstreet Boys, and he walked past Nick to sit on the bed. Nick was still standing there, looking hurt. He probably expected me to hug him and kiss him right away, Brian thought, because normally I would have. Nick walked to the bed very deliberately, trying not to act drunk, and of course, he bumped into a chair on the way and almost lost his balance trying to get on the bed. He looked down, fresh tears streaking down his already stained cheeks. "Nicky," Brian said softly, "why are you making yourself so miserable? Why are you doing that to yourself, baby?" "I don't know," Nick said in a whisper. He looked up at Brian accusingly. "You don't understand me," he said. "I try," Brian said sadly, "I try as hard as I can." Nick sniffled. "But you don't understand me. How can you love me, if you don't understand me." They both sat there silently for many long minutes. Finally Nick laid down on the bed, curling up into a ball, and began to cry softly again. Brian sat there watching, not knowing what to do, and hating himself for not being able to just give Nick the affection and love that he wanted so desperately at that moment. CHAPTER TEN Misha woke up very early, and when he rolled over to check his alarm clock, it was just after five in the morning. He rubbed his stomach and groaned. "Oy veh," he said out loud, and rolled over on his back to stare at the ceiling. He and Dani had opted for herbal refreshments the night before, a staple of Amsterdam, but when the munchies hit in the middle of the night, far too much chocolate mousse had been ingested and he was paying the price. Misha crawled out of bed and put on the hot water for a cup of tea. That helped somewhat and he fell back asleep again, cuddling with a big fluffy pillow and drifting into an exotic dream. He was in a foreign land, somewhere in Asia, where the buildings all came in rich jewel tones with fantastic curling spires and onion domes, bowing down before a king, Kevin, in silk robes with jewels all over his body, glittering like a sun. Misha himself was dressed in a simple beige silk tunic and trousers, and with a wave of Kevin's hand, he was sent to the centre of the room to perform. The rest of the band members were all sitting around on settees, getting pampered, making out with servant boys and girls. Nick and Brian were lying together with their arms around each other, kissing each other deeply, oblivious to anybody else. Misha was ordered to sing and dance. He began to do so and was surprised at how good he sounded, how easy it was for him to get into the rhythmn, since normally Misha had two left feet and couldn't carry a tune. They let him go on for a minute or so before they all broke into peals of laughter. Suddenly Misha could hear what he really sounded like, and he stopped in his tracks, cowering in shame. Kevin stood over him, smirking rudely. "You're not one of us," he said, "you're worthless." He clapped his hands and two bodyguards came over. "Put him in the circus," Kevin said, and he walked away. Misha pleaded for his life, but it went on deaf ears. A.J. and Howie just laughed at him, and Brian was too busy sucking face with Nick to even notice his plight. Misha woke up with his alarm and groaned. "Could I be any more obvious," he said. But he still had to tell Dani about it. Nick woke up with Brian's lips pressing softly on his. He slowly opened his eyes, squinting in pain from the headache that was crushing his skull. "You have a hangover, baby?" Brian asked him softly. Nick nodded. "I ordered some food. We'll fix you up." Brian cuddled him tenderly and kissed his cheek. Nick shifted away from him and walked stiffly to the bathroom. Brian lay there listening to Nick brush his teeth and splash some water on his face, and when the tall blond came back, it was his turn to lay his lips on Brian's. Brian stroked Nick's hair tenderly and they lay there quietly for a few minutes. "I'm sorry," Nick said at last. "It's okay, Nick." "I acted like a real asshole. I feel really bad, Bri." "Why did you freak out like that?" Nick sighed and buried his face in Brian's chest, listening to his lover's heart beating. "It's so stupid, Brian..." Brian hugged Nick to him and kissed the top of his head. "Because you wanted to drink?" "Yeah," Nick whispered. Brian rubbed Nick's back affectionately. "Nicky, I love you, the person. If you're drinking, you're still the same person, and I still love you." Nick looked up and into Brian's eyes. His big blue eyes were full of guilt and pain, and he could see sadness in Brian's slightly slanted eyes as well. "You don't understand how hard it is," Nick said softly. "I feel like you look down on me, and I feel so ashamed..." "I'm sorry baby," Brian said, stroking Nick's cheek. "I'm sorry about what I did with the liquor. It was the wrong thing to do, treating you like that. Can you forgive me?" Nick nodded, tears forming in his eyes. "Of course I can, Brian," he said. "I love you so much." Nick rested his head on Brian's chest again. "Please don't walk out on me like that, Nicky," Brian said softly. "I can't take it any more." "I'm sorry," Nick said again, and he kissed Brian tenderly. Brian opened his mouth and let Nick slip his tongue inside, putting his arms around Nick's neck and kissing back even more passionately. They explored each other's mouths and rolled over in bed together, wrapping their arms around each other's bodies and stroking one another, loving the touch of smooth skin on skin. There was a knock at the door and they broke apart, disappointed. "Ah, it's breakfast," Brian said, and he took the tray and set it down by the bed. Nick slid up behind him, wrapped his arms around Brian and began to kiss his neck. "Nick," Brian laughed, "your food is going to get cold." "So, let it get cold," Nick whispered seductively. Brian turned to let Nick's tongue in his mouth again, and soon they were lying in bed kissing deeply, ignoring the food. Brian sighed as Nick's hand found his cock and wrapped around it lovingly, stroking its length and letting his thumb press around the mushroom head, like some kind of erotic braille. Nick kissed his way down Brian's chest and stomach, his soft full lips sending shivers down Brian's body. His hot mouth engulfed Brian's thick cock and Brian moaned loudly, shifting his hips quickly to encourage Nick to take more of it into his mouth. Nick swirled his tongue around the tip of Brian's cock and then began to deep throat him, gently rubbing Brian's balls with one hand and then slipping a finger into Brian's ass as he sucked hard on his dick. "Oh God," Brian sighed, thrusting his hips at Nick and writhing around. He ran his hands through Nick's silky hair. "Baby, you're too good, ahh, yeah..." Nick had found his rhythmn and was completely focused on giving Brian a mind-blowing orgasm. Brian's body was growing tense and Nick could feel his cock swell in his mouth. The sweet taste of Brian's pre-cum was driving Nick wild and he fucked Brian's ass with two fingers now, causing his lover to cry out. "Oh, fuck... Nick, I'm gonna, oh..." Brian exploded in Nick's mouth and the blond swallowed as he continued sucking, trying to take it all, but finally he had to grab Brian's dick with one hand and let the last few spurts of cum hit him on the face as he swallowed again and then licked and kissed Brian's cock. "Nick," Brian sighed as the beautiful blond slid up next to him and kissed his neck and face. "Did you like that, baby?" Nick asked him softly, stroking Brian's stomach. "I need you, Nicky," Brian said, looking at Nick intently. "I'm right here," Nick murmured. "I need you inside me... Nick, I want you to fuck me." Nick's face lit up and he kissed Brian on the lips. "Are you sure, Bri?" "I want you so much," Brian said, and he looked as though he was about to cry. "I need you." "Okay," Nick sighed, and he ran his hand down to Brian's cock again and parted his lover's legs. They didn't have sex that way very often, and Brian was a bit nervous since he hadn't been penetrated for a year or so. Nick spread the cum which had spilled over Brian's ass and over his own dick. Brian smiled. "You are such a doll," he said. Nick kissed him. "I don't want to hurt you, baby." "You won't," Brian sighed, "it's all good." Nick lifted Brian's legs and began to press his dick into his ass. Brian cried out as he felt Nick's cock enter him. It burned, and he felt as though he were about to split in two. Nick paused with just the tip inside Brian and kissed Brian's cheeks. "Baby, do you want me to stop?" "No," Brian winced, tears forming in his eyes. "I want you inside me, Nicky. I need to feel close to you." Nick slowly slid deeper into Brian, and finally he was buried in his lover, hip to hip, his cock throbbing so hard he felt his whole body pulse in rhythmn. "Oh Brian," Nick sighed, "you feel so amazing." Brian sobbed slightly; he was full, full of Nick, they were united. "I never want to let you go," he whispered in Nick's ear as his lover began to fuck him gently. Howie, A.J. and Kevin were all gathered on stage for their final dress rehearsal, trying to stall for time as they discussed the whereabouts of Nick and Brian. "Brian wouldn't just take off," Kevin was saying, "I'm sure they're together." At first, Dani was surprised that Kevin wasn't pissed off, but he was so invested in Nick and Brian being together that it did make sense in the end. "You don't know how upset Brian was last night," Howie said. "I am so sick of dealing with this fucking soap opera!" "Howie, it's not- Oh. Hi guys. Nice of you to show up." "Sorry Boo," Brian smiled, clutching Nick's hand in his. A.J. and Howie both walked off, rolling their eyes. "You guys ready?" Kevin asked, glancing back and forth from one to the other. They both had that freshly- fucked glow about them. "Yup," Nick smiled, and he headed off to his part of the stage. "Sorry about that bro, seriously," Brian said. "It's no big thing," Kevin shrugged, following Brian up the risers. "Hey Bri?" "Yeah?" "Is it me, or are you walkin' a little funny today?" "Shut up!" Brian laughed, blushing. Truth was, his ass was sore as hell, and leave it to Kevin to embarrass him about it. "I'll get you back for that one," Brian grinned. Dani, who had heard the entire exchange, looked over nervously at Misha, who was expressionless. The guys slapped hands and parted ways after the rehearsal ended. "Sounded great," Dani smiled at A.J. "Thanks babe," he smiled back. She had to remind herself that he called women 'babe' all the time, because her immediate reaction was to flush a bit and possibly even feel dizzy. He could be so sexy when he turned on the charm. It hadn't helped that A.J. had directed one of his solos directly at her, thrusting his crotch and stroking his thighs as he slinked around the stage. Oh my, Dani thought, this show better be rated PG-13, and not G... "Hey Dani," A.J. said on his way to the showers, "we're going out tonight, come with?" "Sure," she said quickly, and he disappeared. As soon as she said it, Dani realised that she probably should have checked with Misha first. He might be feeling depressed and want somebody to hang with ... Oh, what am I saying, Dani asked herself. Misha is a big boy. He can wipe his own ass. "Hey," Brian said, coming up to Misha and clapping his hand on the taller man's shoulder. Misha spun around and gave him a tight, forced smile. Brian was beaming. "I think things with me and Nick are gonna work out," he said. "We had a bit of a rough patch last night but we're on the right track." "Well, that's good," Misha said coldly, backing away. "I..." Brian faltered, "I thought you'd like to know?" "I'm happy for you," Misha said robotically, and he began to walk away. "Misha?" He turned around; Brian looked wounded. "Look Brian, I can't talk to you. Okay?" "Is something wrong? Misha, do you need to talk?" "No," Misha said with a sneer, "I think that would be a really bad idea." He stomped off pissily and left Brian standing there open-mouthed. "Hey sweetie," Nick said as he came up behind Brian and slipped his arms around his lover's waist. "Hey babe," Brian said in a distracted tone. "You ready to hit the showers?" Brian turned around and smiled up at Nick, who was smirking at him playfully. "Sounds great," Brian grinned, smacking Nick on the butt. "Let's go."