Date: Sun, 12 Dec 99 03:35:42 -0800
From: CrazyStar <crazystar@canoemail.com>
Subject: Crazy Part 5

'Sup? I've been harassed by quite a few people lately who've been wondering
what's been taking me so long. To be honest I haven't had much time since I
moved at the end of last month, plus the fact that it's been the last part
of the term and stuff... well that and I just haven't felt like writing,
or maybe more likely, haven't been able to write. I've honestly sat down
and had nothing come out. I mean, it's great that ya'll like to read this
thing, but it's important to me to make sure that it's as original as I can
make it and that it's at least somewhat readable.

Anyways, the legal stuff all still applies. Props go out to Jeff, Adam, and
everyone else who's been totally cool in telling me what they thought.

Crazy
Chapter 5

"Ry, why don't you go grab your stuff from Lance's room and then we'll
go. I think I'll catch a nap before we go out too."

"Sure." I got up from the table and walked down the hall to Lance's room. I
picked up the clothes from the floor and threw on my Nikes without any
socks. It felt kinda weird, but it was better than wearing dirty socks.

GRABBING MY STUFF, I walked down the hall and into the kitchen where JC was
waiting for me. He smiled when he saw me.

"You ready dude?"

"Definitely Josh. I think I could really use that nap right about now!"

"Tell me about it. My head's killing me."

"Geez, between your head and my back... uh, I have no idea. That's how
tired I am right now!" Lance walked into the kitchen from the living
room. He kinda looked tired too. He was probably just emotionally drained
from this morning. I have that effect on people.

"Are you guys outta here?"

"Yeah. Thanks for everything Lance. It was just way too cool of you to let
me use your bed last night."

"No prob Ry." He paused, as if he was thinking about how to say what would
come next. "See ya tonight, right?"

"Definitely." I walked over to him and I gave him props. Lance walked JC
and I out to the jeep and saw us off.

"JC, I'll call Lynn and tell her that I'm going to bring Just home when he
feels like going back, just so you don't have to go through the
interrogation when you get home. You look pretty wasted. And we all know
how Lynn can be."

"And what makes you think that she won't do it anyways Lance?" JC smiled
back at Lance and started the Jeep. "Thanks though, we'll catch you later,
k?"

"Yeah, laterz."

JC pulled out of the driveway and I closed my eyes. I really was tired. But
I had to try and stay awake until we got to the hotel. I guess the best way
to do that is to keep talking, right? I mean, who can talk and sleep at the
same time?

"I had an awesome time last night Josh. Thanks dude." I kept my eyes
closed. I was wearing my Oakley's but, it was still too bright outside for
me. Man, it must be nice to have weather like this all the time.

"No worries Ry. I had a pretty good time too, and I'm not just saying that
because I was completely pissed!" We both started to giggle. "But, it
really is cool that we got to meet ya. I mean, most people only want to
know us because we're famous. I could totally tell that it was never like
that with you. I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm really glad that you
ran into Justin yesterday... literally!" I started to blush, but then I
remembered that I hadn't actually ran into Just, I ran into a bench! That
made me blush even more.

"You're totally right about me being a total clutz Josh, but I didn't run
into Just yesterday."

"Huh?... oh, he ran into you right? He's such a total clutz."

"Nope, I tripped over a bench." I opened my eyes and pointed to the small,
purple bruise on my leg. "See?"

"Ouch! That must have hurt. Sorry bro."

"Forget about it. It's totally not a big deal." I closed my eyes
again. Damn I was tired. "Hey Josh?"

"Yeah?" I was starting to give into sleep already. I guess talking really
doesn't help all that much.

"You don't mind if I sleep the rest of the way do you. I'm pretty much
gone." I hate it when I don't sleep too well. I mean, I'm practically on
the verge of being a narcoleptic. I could sleep like 14 hours every day and
it would be totally cool with me.

"No you can't!" He turned to look at me and laughed. "Of course, but if you
wake up in some emergency room you'll know that we got in an accident, k?"

"Hmmm... oh, yeah... right?" It was at that point my tired mind gave into
the demands of the rest of my body. I could swear I had just closed my eyes
again when I felt Josh shaking me.

"Hey Ryan! Wake up! I think you're too heavy for me to be
carrying... besides I don't think that it would look that great."

"Huh?" I forced my eyes open. They felt like someone had tied weights onto
the ends of them. "Oh yeah. I can just see the headlines... *Nsync boy
caught carrying blond guy into hotel. Guess your guys' management would
have fun trying to explain that one."

"Damn straight! Are you ok to walk up to your room? Do ya need me to come
with ya?"

"Naw Josh, it's all good. If I need help I'll get the bell boy to throw me
on a luggage cart and wheel me up there." Josh started to laugh.

"You're too funny for your own good Ry."

"I try." I gave JC props and opened the door to the Jeep. "Thanks again
Josh. It's been totally cool. I'll catch ya tonight."

"All right, just do me a favour and don't rip Scoop's head off when he
calls you to wake you up. I mean, it'd be ok, but we kinda need him to be
intact."

"K, I'll do my best. Laterz." I slid out of the Jeep and shut the door
before quickly waving goodbye and heading through the door that was being
held open for me by the young guy in a monkey suit. I felt like I was
floating as I crossed the hotel lobby and pressed the button for the
elevator. I let out a long sigh as I waited for the door to open for me. I
was not the most patient person in the world when I was tired. In fact, I
was actually kinda surprised that I had been able to be completely sociable
this morning. Well, if you could call that sociable.

The door dinged and I jumped. Did I mention my nerves were a little wracked
too? I half stepped, half fell into the waiting elevator car and pressed
the button for my floor. I was really having trouble keeping my eyes
open. It felt way too familiar. All those really late nights studying for
exams when I was in a half awake state; fighting to stay awake enough to
read my scribbles that passed for lecture notes. As the car reached my
floor I slid out and stumbled to my room, fumbling with the card that was
my room key. I never understood why they called it a key if it was a
card. But right now, I really didn't care. My only concern was making it
into the nice warm bed...

***

Ring! Ring!

What the hell is that?

Ring! Ring!

Huh?

Ring! Ring!

Oh, the phone...

"Yeah, this is Ry."

"Hey Ryan. ARE YOU AWAKE???" Ow! That hurt. It's way too early in the
morning to be dealing with this. "Dude! It's like 5 o'clock!" Ah hah. Now I
understand.

"Oh hey Lance. I must've been really tired I couldn't even figure out that
the annoying noise was the phone."

"Man, you're worse than Justin. I never thought I'd meet someone that was
as much of a deep sleeper as he is. I guess I was wrong."

"Yeah, one of my friends once told me that the world could be crumbling
apart and I'd sleep right through it. What can I say? I like to sleep." I
finally opened my eyes and looked at the room around me. Blue.  Hmmm... I
love that colour.

"Anyways, I'm gonna swing by and pick you up so we can go over to Justin
and JC's. Is half and hour long enough for you to get ready?"

"Uh... no, but I'll try." I've been told that I'm worse than a girl when it
comes to getting ready. I guess it's pretty bad when you're 22 year old
friend can get ready faster than you can. And she's got long hair. I still
can't figure out how she can do it so fast.

"Ok, well how 'bout I leave in about ten, and then if you're still not
ready I'll just chill in your room?"

"A'ight, sounds good. I'll try and hurry though."

"K, well, see ya in a few."

"'Right, laterz Lance."

"Yup, laterz!" That guy was way too happy. Mind you I feel like it's about
6am, even though it's 5 in the evening.  I slid outta bed and stumbled into
the bathroom, stripping myself of the clothes I was wearing along the
way. I was shocked when I turned on the lights in the bathroom. What the
fuck do they have to make the lights in the bathroom so bright? I mean, a
person just needs to see what they look like, not get a friggin' sun tan
everytime they go into the bathroom.

I opened the door to the shower stall and stepped in. No time for a bath. I
could really use one to relax, but I just need to get clean. I turned on
the water; nice and hot. I dunno why I take such hot showers I mean, by the
time I get out my body's red from all the heat. Not to mention I can never
see myself in the mirror cuz there's so much steam and stuff. Anyways, I
grabbed the shampoo and started to scrub and then rise before putting the
conditioner in. I always left the conditioner in while soaping up.

As I started washing the central part of my body, things started to heat up
a little, and then all off the sudden a picture of Justin appeared in my
head. My eyes shot open and I dropped the sponge. What the hell was that?
You're not fucking gay! There's no way you've got a thing for Justin! Just
stop it! You're going to ruin you're chance of friendship with him if you
keep this up! I shook my head and very quickly rinsed off and got out of
the shower, completely disgusted with myself.

As I took a hand towel to wipe the mirror I realised that I hadn't rinsed
the conditioner out of my hair.

"Shit." I muttered to myself under my breath. Yet another one of my bad
habits. Maybe those people who say that talking to yourself is the first
sign of insanity are right. I mean, what's been going through my head
lately? First that totally messed up dream and then getting a picture of
Justin in my... "Oh my God." I used the hand towel to wipe the excess
conditioner of my hair, before grabbing a towel and wrapping a towel around
my waist; meanwhile the tears started to fall. I walked back into the
bedroom and plopped myself down on the bed.

"What the hell... no!" I started to cry so hard that I couldn't see
anymore. Everything was just a blur. A thousand thoughts were running
through my head. 'The dream... it meant that I was... *gulp* different, and
the picture of Justin... No! NO! NOOO!' I couldn't control myself anymore
and my body fell into enormous sobs that completely enveloped me. 'I
can't... but...'

KNOCK KNOCK

"Ryan? Hello?" Snif.

"Umh, just hang on a sec, k?" I quickly wiped my eyes and headed for the
door. As soon as I opened it I turned my back on Lance and walked into the
bathroom. "I'll be right out k? Just make yourself at home."

"K." I quickly closed the bathroom door and turned on the tap. Ice-cold. I
started to splash my face and wet down my hair, seeming everything had
dried in the time I spent on the bed... bed... 'no! Oh my God! I can't! Ok,
take a deep breath. Everything's going to be ok Ryan. You're just going to
go out with your new friends: Lance, Josh, and Just-...*gulp* -in. Deep
breath.' I was starting to calm down a little and wiped my face off before
grabbing the gel off the counter and squeezing some out onto my palm before
beginning to 'plaster my head' as my mom called it.

"Hey Ryan, do you have any clothes set out?"

"Uh... huh? Oh, yeah... no."

"Woah, we're decisive today huh? Do you want me to grab something out for
ya so you can get changed?"

"Uh yeah... sure thankx. My clothes are in the closet."

"Anything you want in particular?"

"Umh, my Gap sweatshirt if you could, please?"  "One Gap sweatshirt coming
up. Are you sure you just want to wear a sweatshirt today? Or would you
like me to grab you something else?"

"Oh, sure... just grab whatever."

"K, I'll leave it at the door so you can just get changed in there."

"Thanks Lance you're the best."

"Hey! What kinda friend did ya think I was?"

"Uh, a good one?"

"Good answer!" I could tell he was smiling on the other side of the
door. These guys are always smiling.  Well, with a zillion girls around the
world loving them to pieces without ever knowing who they really are... I
guess I'd be smiling a lot too. "I'll be back in a sec."

I massaged the gel through my hair and ran my fingers through my hair to
make it sorta toseled and stuff.  Then grabbed the electric rasor and
shaved the stubble off of my chin and neck. Afterwards spraying myself with
my CK Contradiction. Then there was a knock at the door.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah Lance?"

"I'm gonna leave the..." I opened the door. I think Lance was a little
surprised cuz he just stood there with his mouth half open and nothing
coming out of it. "Uh... clothes..." He passed them to me. It's funny, his
accent almost disappeared there.

"Thanks dude. I'll be done in a few secs k?" Lance shook his head. I'll
make it a point of not trying to surprise him again. He doesn't do suprises
well. Not that I do any better. I mean that was pretty nasty the way he
snuck up on me last night. I'll just have to consider the score even. Even
if his reaction wasn't as dramatic as mine.

"Right. Take your time k?" I threw on the blue sweatshirt while trying not
to mess up my hair or get the hood wet. Then I threw on the blue GAP boxers
and the tan cargo shorts that Lance had picked out for me, and then walked
outta the room. And followed Lance down to his car.

*** It was dark in Justin's room as I crept across the floor to his bed.

"Hey Just?" Justin just kinda rolled over away from me. "Just, come on, you
gotta get up and get ready before Lance and Ryan show up." Justin's eyes
shot open.

"What did you say JC?" Even though he was awake, he was only half-alert and
still sounded groggy.

"I said you gotta hurry up and get ready before Lance and Ryan get here."

"Ryan." It was barely a whisper. In fact, I'm not even sure that I heard
it.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Justin turned and looked away from me as he sat up. He was kinda
staring off into space. Now I know that I must've heard what I thought I
did.

"What's up Just? You know you'll feel better if we talk about it."
"Umh... yeah. No, I mean..."

"Come on Justin, just spit it out."

"Well... it's just that... uh, Josh?"

"If I tell you something, do ya promise to keep it a secret?"

"J, you know I would. Come on, now I know that something's bothering you
cuz you never ask if I'll keep it a secret. But don't worry bud, whatever
it is I'll take to my grave k?" I smiled hoping that he'd calm down a bit.

Sigh. "K, well... it's like this: Uh... I have a,... I have a crush on," he
paused and I totally tensed up. I didn't want him to notice so I took a
deep breath and exhaled very slowly in an effort to relax. But, at the same
time my mind was racing because I had literally no clue what he was going
to say. "A guy." Another whisper, but this time I know that I heard it. I
was actually kinda shocked. I mean I had never even though that Justin
would, well... I mean he always was so down with the chicks. Shit. Ok,
crap. Get your shit together JC and be supportive or he's gonna crumble. I
looked up at him and already saw the tears falling from his eyes. There was
only one thing I could say to make him feel better.

"Cool."

"Huh?" He looked shocked. I don't think that's what he was expecting me to
say. His eyes just had this lost look. Kinda like the look that you see in
the movies on the faces of people who have just lost the closest person in
the world to them.

"Cool,... Crunk, ...whatever.. I mean what you want me to say Just. Did ya
think that I'd get pissed off at you? Or that I'd tell you that I never
wanted to see you again?" Just took another deep breath and appeared to be
deep in thought.

"Well... I dunno. I was just... I, uh..." Justin started to cry again. "I
mean, I don't want to be different. I didn't know what you were gonna
say. Josh I'm so scared. I don't want to be like this, but I can't help
it. I mean, it's just that he, ... uh well, I feel really good around
him. It's not the same kinda cool that I feel when I'm hanging with you
guys. It's like, when I was with Brittany, and we'd be like... connected,
ya know?" Snif

"Yeah Just, I do know. It's cool. And ya know what else?"

"What?"

"Who gives a funk if you have a crush on a guy. I mean, it's not about
stereotypes, or what other people think. If you've got a reason to have a
crush on the dude, then it's all good. Just follow your heart J, and if it
was meant to be, it'll happen. And if not, oh well, right?"

"Yeah, thanks..." Justin finally let a smile escape his mouth for the first
time since he woke up.

"Can I ask a question though Just?"

"I guess..."

"Umh... do ya wanna tell me who it is?" Justin froze. "I mean, well I have
a pretty good idea who it might be, but I could be wrong ya know?"

"Uh... well," Justin let out a nice long sigh. "Ryan." It wasn't as quiet
as the other whispers, but it was almost as if he was kinda ashamed to
admit it.

"Cool. Do you want me to try and set things up?'

"NO!" I jumped. Justin didn't usually raise his voice, well except for when
he gets way too excited. I backed off a little from him; I really didn't
want to upset him any further, cuz the guy *is* my best friend and *I* have
to be there to support him. "I'm sorry Josh..." Justin had his head down,
staring at the ground.  I moved over to him and gave him a hug.

"Justin, it's ok. I mean, no matter what I'm going to be here for you. When
you're ready to do anything, I'll be there for ya. Well as long as you want
me there!" He started to giggle a little and so I released the hug, and
turned to look him in the face. "Honestly though Just, this doesn't change
anything. You're still Justin Randall Timberlake, and I'm still your best
friend, and I'll always be your best friend. There's no other way." Justin
took yet another long, deep breath, and let out a very drawn out, very soft
sigh.

"Thanks Josh, you're da best."

"Hey, just like I said, that's what I'm here for."

"Still... thanks." I reached up and messed his hair up even more than it
was from the bed head he had.  "Hey!"

"K, well, get yourself all cleaned up. Lance called me like 25 minute ago
and said they'd be here in half an hour."

***

Well, that's it for now... you'll get the next bit in a week or so I
promise! As always, feel free to email me at crazystar@canoemai.com