Date: Tue, 19 Sep 2000 16:18:49 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jay Chords <chords4@yahoo.com>
Subject: Angel Of Eyes - 1

Disclaimer : Oops...I did it again *shoots Britney* Quiet You! Don't try
this at home *sweet smile*

Welp. Here I am! See. I did write a sequal. *grins* Aren't you proud? Like
I'd leave you hangin' like that. Pshaw. I ain't like dat. lol. I hope you
like "Angel Of Eyes" as much and/or more than "Deceiving Secrets".
Seriously though, I know I said this wouldn't be out until the summer...
well that's half true. This chapter is basically just to hold your
suspicions of what I could possibly have up my sleeve now and to keep you
wanting more. Can't let the sweetness leave your tongue too long. :)

Stories to Read:
Retreat (I like this one, it's cute!)
End Of Innocence (Yay to Mirage and Rowan! WHERE'S 5!?)
One More Try
Brian and Me
Nsync Lance and JC
Justin's Dark Angel (I miss this one..)

Okay, I'll leave it at that.  I gotta say one more thing though.

Terry: Look! It's here! Lay off about Chapter 2! lol. And I'll have your
vamp. scene done by the weekend. I swear!

Fred: Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddie! *evil cackle* that's all I have to say...
scary. :P

Okay, I think that's it...OH OH OH OH OH OH! I heard what the Backstreet
Boys's album is gonna be called. Black and Blue. What the hell? And the
first single "Shape of my heart"? *gag* I'm sorry..that's going beyond
cheesy. *let the hate mail begin lol*

Final thought: THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO E-MAILED ABOUT 'DECEIVING SECRETS'!

Which is a hint: E-MAIL ME AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF 'ANGEL OF EYES'!
There is a significance to the title. :) Let's see if anyone can figure out
what it is. :) LOVE Y'ALL!

-Jay Chords E-MAIL: chords4@yahoo.com <----------YOU KNOW YOU WANNA!  hehe
AOL INSTANT MESSENGER: Cheschire Diva and DedleeKehrBehr (thanks to Fred
for this one)


				 CHAPTER 1

	Jeremy paced back and forth in his bedroom.  Today he was getting
married to Howie.  Marriage. It was so. Final. Sweat beaded down his face,
wetting the collar of his shirt. His white, freshly pressed shirt.  The
shirt he was going to get married in. Married. He swallowed around the
large lump in his throat.  He couldn't do this. Yes he could. No. He
couldn't. This was something he wasn't ready for. He wasn't ready for this
type of relationship. No more late nights out with the guys. But wait. He
didn't have late nights out with the guys. He didn't even have guys!

	He sighed and kept pacing.  His shirt stuck to his body as he
perspired.  There had to be something.  He knew he loved Howie. He was
pretty sure he loved Howie. He stopped dead in his tracks.  What if he
didn't really love Howie?  Tears streamed down his already pale face.  He
looked at himself in the mirror.  He was clammy.  He looked like he was
albino.  Completely white.  His eyes blood shot to a deep red.  Not loving
Howie. It was a possibility.  A possibility he didn't like but still a
possibility.

	He went back to pacing.  His hands were starting to shake as they
rocked at his sides. Back and forth. Back and forth.  He clasped them
behind his back and cast his gaze downward.  The blue carpet sped past him
as he paced faster and faster.  Almost sure he would run a hole in it.  If
not through the wood and fall into the kitchen as well.

	Everything was supposed to be perfect. He was marrying the man he
loved. At least, the man he thought he loved. They were going to have their
honeymoon in Hawaii. Then come back and try to find someone to have their
baby. A sarrogate mother. Jeremy's heart ached as he looked at the pendant
around his neck.  6 months. 6 painful months ago his Daisy had died.  His
precious, delicate Daisy Flower.  More tears poured down his cheeks. His
promise.


	"Uncle Jay?" she was barely speaking now as the blood flow
thickened.

	"Y-yes Daisy Flower?"

	"He loves you too, I can tell by the way he looks at you.  Promise
me something."

	"Anything Daisy Flower."

	"M-M-" she began to cough violently as blood poured down her chin
in a heavy river.  Howie rushed in with a cloth and the phone in hand.

	"Don't talk Daisy Flower.  Help is coming," he placed the clothe on
her face, wiping away the red fluid. Daisy swatted it away.

	"P-Promise me you'll marry him.  I-I know y-you're e-engaged b-but
go t-through with it.  I-I want to come," she gasped for air at her final
statement.  Jeremy hugged the trembling angel.


	He still remembered that night. So vivid. So painful. Her eyes so
full of light and hope yet pain and longing. He felt his legs give out as
he fell to the floor. Knees pulled to his chest as he sobbed openly for the
thousandth time.  His black pants.  His freshly pressed black pants. The
pants he was going to get married in. Married. Now soaked with salty, hot
tears. His jacket and tie were thrown over the chair in the corner.  AJ and
Kevin would be coming to get him soon. Coming to take him to the spot they
were getting married.  At the moment, he couldn't remember where it was.
Howie would be waiting for him. He could only imagine what Howie looked
like in his own black suit. Smile adorning his lips.  Smiling in the mirror
as Nick and Brian fussed about him.  With that final thought he walked to
the medicine cabinet.



	Howie smiled at his reflection.  His hair was slicked back and in a
tight ponytail.  Brian was rushing around, he was more nervous than Howie.
All he could think about was marrying the one he loved.  Marrying his
Jeremy.  He smiled and went about straightening his tie.  He could just
imagine how handsome Jeremy looked in his suit.  His blonde hair hanging by
his ears, his eyes sparkling, and the most beautiful smile.  He sighed
happily.  Today was his day.  His day of happiness and contentment.  Today
would bring everything together. Just like they'd planned in the last 6
months.

	Backstreet was going better than expected. There had been barely
any fan seperation and there was an even larger demand for a new
album. Yup. Things were looking up for the five teen idols.  AJ and Kevin
were back together.  Mica and Brian were getting along, as always. And
Nicky and Marshall were glued at the hip. Yup. Things were definitely
looking up.



	Jeremy hands were shaking as he stood in the bathroom.  The empty
bottle of sleeping pills toppled to the floor.  The half drunken bottle of
vodka followed and quickly so did he.


	Kevin and AJ jossled into the house.

	"Let's go Mr. Gavitts! You're husband awaits!" Kevin called.

	"I'm gonna run into the kitchen and get a soda before my mouth
falls off," AJ chuckled as Kevin skipped up the stairs.  He knocked on
Jeremy's door which slowly creaked open.

	"Jeremy?"  he saw the bathroom door open.  He walked over. "Hey Jay
man! We gotta - Oh my god!"  he stared at Jeremy's unconscious body.
"ALEX!!"

	AJ came running up the stairs.

	"What? What is it?" Kevin simply pointed to Jeremy.  "Oh my god!"
AJ ran and picked up the phone.  Rapidly dialing the three digits that had
become familiar in the last 6 months. "We need an ambulance.."



	Howie rushed threw the doors of Orlando Medical Center.  He saw
Kevin and AJ pacing back and forth.  He ran down the hall way, Brian, Nick,
Mica, and Marshall in tow.

	"What happened? Where is he?" he demanded. AJ and Kevin looked at
each other. Both solemn and quiet.

	"Howie. He. He ODed on those sleeping pills he's been taking," AJ
explained. "The doctor's pumped his stomach and they said he'll make it
but. But he's in a comatose state."  They watched as their band mate and
best friend toppled to the ground.

	"No," Howie muttered as tears slid down his face. "He wouldn't.  He
wouldn't do this.  Not on our wedding day."  He looked at Mica. "You know
him better than all of us. Would he do this?"  Mica looked at him. Their
eyes locked. All he saw was pain and confusion.  She saw the same, only
love as well.  Love for Jeremy. She couldn't speak. She just looked away.
Howie felt like his world had fallen apart. As he looked around, everything
seemed to be black and white.  A wave of frustration washed over him.
Frustration that his love could be being pulled from his fingers at the
moment.  Frustration that he didn't know what was going on.  Frustration
that everything was going wrong.

	A door swung open and a man with a stethoscope around his neck came
through and stared at the mass of people.

	"Family Only."  Howie dusted himself off and walked to the
door. The doctor stopped him. "I said. Family Only."  Howie pushed away his
hand.

	"I'm his husband," he stated plainly and walked into the room.  The
sight that lay before him made his heart ache.  Jeremy.  Hooked up to
tubes.  His body pale and lifeless.  Howie pulled a chair up to Jeremy's
side and grasped his hand.  He kissed his finger tips before laying his
head on the side of the bed and sobbing.


	Mica lay with her head on Brian's shoulder.  Tears slid down her
face.  Her best friend in a coma? It didn't make sense.  Jeremy hadn't had
a suicidal thought in months. Why now? Brian wordlessly stroked her
hair. It didn't make much sense to him either. Just yesterday, Jeremy was
prancing around the house with the goofiest grin he'd ever seen. Talking at
high speed. It didn't make sense.


	Jeremy was walking through a forest.  Trees decorated his
view. Flowers popped up in sight.  He grinned and twirled as the wind blew
and tree peddles fell to the ground. He lay on a large rock and let the
sun's warm glow bathe his body.

	"Uncle Jay!" he heard a shrill but familiar voice.  He looked
around.

	"Daisy?"  he saw a soft figure in the distance. "Daisy Flower?"
She giggled.  That familiar giggle.  He stood up and there she was.

	"Uncle Jay," she grinned and threw her arms around him.  It was
like truly holding her again. He enveloped her body.

	"Oh Daisy I missed you."

	"What are you doing here?" she asked, pulling back.

	"I don't know. I just woke up here. I remember taking a lot of
pills and drinking vodka. That's all."  Daisy looked away from him.

	"Howie is upset.  He's crying."

	"I didn't mean to make him cry. What's wrong?"

	"You hurt him.  You're hurting him by not telling him."

	"Not telling him what?"

	"You love him, Uncle Jay. Why are you fighting it?"

	"No I'm not."



	Kevin and AJ had to drag Howie from the hospital room and into the
car.  He never stopped shaking. But he kept fighting to be left with
Jeremy.

	"Let me stay with him," he pleaded.

	"You need rest.  You've been in there for over a week," AJ tried to
soothe him.  Howie shook his head repeatedly.

	"I have to stay with him. He needs me!" he begged.  Kevin started
the car and they drove away.  "Please take me back!" he could no longer
fight.  He was weak with hunger and sleep deprivation.  He swayed slowly in
the seat.

	"Go to sleep, Howie," AJ tried to soothe him once more.  Howie
yawned.

	"It's you're fault, Kevin. It's you're fault," he mumbled before
going to sleep.  AJ stared at Kevin and Kevin stared back.

	"He was just tired, babe. Pay attention to the road."


	Howie stumbled into the house.  Brian was there to help him up the
stairs. Mica helped him into bed. She tucked the blankets around him.  She
watched as he slept.  He tossed and turned.  Her stomach churned. Watching
her best friend's lover in so much pain. She still didn't understand.  She
sighed and left the room.  Leaving Howie to his own tears.

	Howie walked along a sea shore.  His feet dug deep into the soft,
wet sand.  It sent a chill up his back.  He didn't know where he was. Or
why. Only that his feet had become extremely cold as he walked. Almost
numbing. He watched as the waves crashed over his exposed skin, sending
more chills up his spine. He stopped and looked up.

	"Daisy?" she hugged him.

	"Hi Uncle Howie."

	"Where am I?"

	"Why are you here?"

	"That was my next question," Howie said, extremely confused.  Daisy
took his hand in her small one.

	"Walk with me."  They strodd in silence for several minutes. Or
what seemed like minutes. It may have been hours, months, even years as
they walked along the icy shore. Howie could no longer feel his feet and
was quickly losing feeling in his legs.

	"Why am I here?"

	"Because of Uncle Jay," she said that as though it would bring a
world of comfort. Like it would erase every question running through his
head.

	"Why did he do it Daisy?"

	"That's why I'm here. Don't give up hope, Uncle Howie. Jeremy needs
you.  Even now."  Howie could only nod.

	He woke up. He hugged his pillow and wept. He wept for Jeremy. Wept
for himself. Wept for Daisy. Wept for the destroyed wedding. His perfect
wedding was ruined and he still had no idea why.

	He wiped away his tears, got dressed, and trudged down the
stairs. It felt like 50 lb. weights were stuffed into his shoes. He pulled
his hair back roughly and scribbled a note.

	Gone to hospital. Be back.

		H.

	He grabbed his keys and drove.  Soon he passed the Hospital. He
still didn't stop. He just kept driving.  He needed to clear his head but
he didn't know where to go.  He didn't know what would comfort him.  He was
losing his soul mate. The man he loved with all his heart. He gingerly
wiped away the few tears in the corner of his eyes.  He just kept
driving. The ocean sped by.  As did the mountains.  Soon he was winding
down a dirt road.  A road he'd never seen before. Still. He found nothing
to bring him comfort.


	"Do you think we'll last this?" Howie asked Jeremy.

	"Yeah. I do."

	"How can you be so confident?"

	"I don't know," Jeremy shrugged. "I have faith in you guys and
you're fans. If they'll actually leave cause you, Kevin, and AJ are gay
then well that's their own problem. Not yours."  Howie looked at Jeremy.

	"If Only. We depend on those fans.  If they leave than we're lost."
Jeremy wrapped his arms around Howie's shoulders.

	"No matter what. I'll always be here for you."

	Howie stared at the road in front of him.  That's what brought him
comfort. Jeremy. He turned around and retraced his tracks.  Soon he pulled
into the visitors' parking at the Hospital.  He got out and walked through
the familiar halls until he reached Jeremy's room.  He pushed open the
door.  He had gotten used to the way Jeremy looked.  Still pale.  Still
lifeless. He sighed and took his seat next to Jeremy. A few tears slid from
his eyes and landed on the hospital floor.


Aren't I a bitch? lol. Okay. I hope that'll satisfy you for however long it
takes me to be satisfied with Chapter 2. :) That could be december before
that happens but YOU NEVER KNOW! Anyways, I hope you liked it and I hope
you e-mail me OR IM me and tell me what you think and I really hope you'll
continue reading. :) And if there's something you'd like to see happen,
there's time yet, so lemme know :) I might be able to incorporate it. Even
if it's tiny. :):):)

Peace, Love, and Daisies,
Jay Chords