Date: Wed, 5 Jul 2000 11:25:54 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jay Chords <chords4@yahoo.com>
Subject: Deceiving Secrets - 13

Looky me. Well here I am! Sorry for the delay.  Go
ahead and hit me for it.  Can I just get something off
my chest real quick? Thanks.

GUYS SUCK!!! THEY SUCK! THEY SUCK! THEY SUCK! (and not
in a good way)

Okay, I feel better now.  Anyways, um, I'm going out
of town at the end of the week soooooo you'll get 14
around....the middle of week after next and once 17 is
finished.  Let me know what you think of this little
creation.  This chapters sucks, I know.  *sigh*  I've
got bronchitus soo these next few chapters are really
bad.  Plus, I've been listening to the Nsync album and
Justin's voice gives me a headache. Nick's voice does
too. Weird.  (no offense to anyone) Anyways, enjoy.

Disclaimer:  *raspberry*

chords4@yahoo.com  <--- you know you wanna!!!!!!

-Jay

				Chapter 13


	There was no sun when AJ opened his eyes that morning.  Rain
pattered against the paint of the house.  Water streamed down the
windowpane like little tears.  He yawned and got out from under the
sheets and pulled on a shirt.  The clock blink 8: 32.  No one would be
awake yet.  He opened his door and tip toed down the stairs.  He
started a pot of coffee and turned on the TV.  He knew he couldn't
stay with Brian and Howie forever.  At the same time, he wanted to.
He wanted to stay with them to be near Brian.  He mentally kicked
himself for loving Brian but you can't choose who you love.  He knew
that.
	"But why does it have to be so hard?" he asked Atchika.  She
was curled up next to him. Her head on his thigh.  She looked up at
him and licked his hand.  He stroked her back and scratched her
behind the ears.

	Back In Ohio

	"Hi, I'm not home right now but if you leave a message I'll get
back to you as soon as possible. Bye."
	"Jeremy? Hi, it's Chad.  I know, last person you thought you'd
hear from.  I'm in town the next couple of weeks and I'd really like to
hang out with my best friend.  You know my cell number.  Hope to
hear from you.  Say 'Hi' to Mica for me.  Love you bro."

	Jeremy, Brian, Mica, AJ, and Howie were sitting around the
living room.  Brian was snuggled in an over stuffed arm chair with
Mica, as short as she was, on his lap both reading from the same
book.  Brian's arms loosely holding her around the waist.  Howie and
Jeremy were leaning against each other on the love seat.  Atchika
sitting in her master's lap.  AJ was lying across the large couch, taking
a short nap.  The whole atmosphere was calm and a comforting vibe
rested upon everyone.  It was one of those moments that you wish you
could live in forever.  Where nothing seemed to be able to hurt
anyone.  Unfortunately, for our beloved group, things weren't going to
be perfect for very long.

	"I'll see you guys in a bit," AJ announced, getting up and leaving
the house.  He climbed into his car and drove away.  Tears slid down
his face as he thought of Brian and Mica's relationship as scenes of
them together kept running through his mind.  He knew they were
perfect for one another.  It just killed him even more.  Knives seemed
to be repeatedly stabbing him all over his body.  He was weak.
	"No, I'm not weak.  I'm stronger than all of this.  So what if my
fiance cheated on me with another man.  So what if I'm in love with
my best friend," he stated.  "Than why do I feel like shit?" AJ killed
the engine in front of a club and strode in.

	Nick rang the doorbell of Brian and Howie's house.  Lisa was
clinging to his arm as Brian appeared.
	"Nicky! Hey, come on in."
	"Thanks Bri." Howie and Jeremy looked up as the couple
entered the flat.
	"Hey Nick."
	"Hey Howie, Jay. You two together yet?"  Howie put a
protective arm around Jeremy.
	"Since yesterday."
	"You better be careful though, Nick.  It seems Howie has a thing
for us blondes," Jeremy joked.
	"I'll keep that in mind.  Where's AJ?" They all shrugged.
	"He didn't say where he was going," Mica reminded them.
	"Oh well. Anyway, everyone, I'd like you all to meet Lisa
Diflippo, the current love of my life," Nick grinned. "Lisa you know
who Bri and Howie are.  The one wrapped up in Howie's arms with
the goofy look on his face is Jeremy."
	"Hey! Just because I'm happy this goofball can take shots at
me?" Jeremy pouted.
	"It's okay.  He can't hurt you." Howie kissed him, bringing the
smile back.  No one noticed the look of disgust on Lisa's face.
	"Someone get the hose. Honey, that knucklehead over there," he
pointed to Mica. "Is Mica."
	"Nice to meet you," Lisa smiled.
	"Do you suppose AJ went to Kevin's?" Brian asked.
	"I hope not.  He needs to stay away from Kevin," Howie said
matter of factly.
	"What happened between Kevin and AJ?"  Lisa asked.
	"In a nutshell, Kevin and AJ had been a couple for 3 years.
Kevin met Jay over there and they started dating. Neither Jay or AJ
knew about the other.  Well, Kevin proposed to AJ, Jay sees the ring
and asks AJ about it.  AJ tells Jay and here's the kicker, Jeremy slugs
Kev in the stomach," Nick giggled. Jeremy hid his face in his hands.
	"It's not one of my finer moments," he admitted.

	Atchika barked and jumped onto Nick's lap.  In the midst of the
conversation, he and Lisa had taken a seat on the couch.
	"Whose this little angel?" Lisa grinned and tried to pet her.
Atchika sniffed at Lisa's hand before growling and stepping away
from her.
	"That's odd. She's been real sweet to everyone lately," Jeremy
explained.  Atchika could smell the evil aura coming from Lisa that
the others couldn't.  She alone knew what Lisa was capable of.
	"Atchika," Howie called.  She snapped and growled at Lisa
before jumping down and snuggling between Jeremy and Howie with
a content snort.  'Evil little dog.  Just you wait. I'll take care of you just
like I'm gonna take care of your master.' Lisa thought with an evil
smile.


	The smell of alcohol reeked on the young mans breath as he
stopped in front of a house he knew too well.  He used to live in that
house.  He opened the door to the car and stumbled out.  He snorted
as he tripped over his own feet.  He stumbled up to the front door and
knocked.  Leaning against the frame, he waited.  He listened to the
sound of a lock being turned and the door opened.
	"Yes?" The owner asked as he saw the dark figure.  The figure
didn't answer, he brought his lips to the man's.  'He's come back to
me,' he thought as he let himself become engrossed in the kiss.  The
surprise visitor didn't waste time.  He pulled the man to the bedroom
and tore off his shirt.  The buttons fell to the floor along with the
shirt.  "Oh," the man moaned as his accomplice's fingers roamed over
his chest.  The young man silenced him with a kiss as his fingers
fumbled with the button and zipper of the mystery man's pants.

	Soon, all their clothes had been discarded into a pile on the
floor.  The visitor was straddling his waist, both breathing heavily as
they lay in only their boxers.  The young man hooked his thumbs in
the elastic of the man's boxers, in one quick swoop, the piece of
clothing that once concealed him, now lay next to them, his hardness
visible to the curious eye.  The visitor stayed silent as he climbed off
of his torso and positioned himself between the man's legs.  He
spread them apart and stared at once was his.  This man had once
been all his own.  He used to be the only one who was in his arms,
who felt the pleasure of being inside of him and vise versa, the one
who shared this special man's kisses.
	"Make love to me," the man half pleaded, half demanded.  In his
drunken state, the visitor found the lube in the drawer next to the bed
and lathered it over his own penis as well as his treasure's hole.  He
held him by his ankles and strategically positioned himself against his
soul mate's skin.  'Here goes,' he thought to himself as he slid inside
of his man.

	"AJ should've been back by now," Brian said in a worried tone
as he paced back and forth.
	"Relax Brian. AJ knows how to take care of himself.  He knows
what he's doing," Howie reassured him.
	"I guess you're right," he sighed.
	"If you'll all excuse me, I'm heading to bed," Jeremy announced,
getting up from his position against Howie and yawned.
	"Yeah, me too," he grinned at Jeremy as they both wandered up
the stairs, saying good-night to Brian, Mica, Nick, and Lisa.  "Sleep
with me?" Howie asked and pleaded with his eyes.  Jeremy shook his
head.
	"I'm not ready for that."
	"I don't mean sex, I mean just sleep. I wanna hold you."  He
wanted to be held.  God knew that's all Jeremy wanted but he was too
scared.  Scared that Howie would discover his secret.  His shame.
	"Not tonight, okay?"  Howie sighed.
	"Alright, Good-night Jay."
	"'Night Howie."  Jeremy let himself become lost in their good-
night kiss before they disappeared into their separate rooms.  As soon
as his door was closed Jeremy cursed his situation.  He wanted to be
in Howie's arms.  He wanted to be able to show him everything
without being ashamed of what he might see.  He sighed and stripped
down to his boxers and fell beneath the sheets.  He prayed that their
soft touch would bring some answer.  To his dismay, all they could do
was tickle his cuts and make him squirm in discomfort.

	Nick yawned as the clock struck 1 a.m.
	"We should be going," Lisa said.  She was relieved to be leaving.
	"No, that's okay.  You guys can stay in the other spare room,"
Brian offered.
	"Thanks Bri," Nick grinned.
	"No prob Frack.  I think Mica and I'll head off too," he nodded
toward Mica who was already asleep, her head resting in Brian lap,
his hand stroking through her hair.
	"Which spare room?" Nick asked.
	"The one next to mine."
	"Of course. I shoulda known Jeremy would be in the room with
the balcony that connected to Howie's room.  How silly of me," he
giggled and led Lisa up the stairs.  Brian took all the glasses that had
held beers and soda into the kitchen. He set them on the counter,
promising himself that he would wash them in the morning.  He
turned off all the lights as he came to Mica's sleeping form.  He knelt
down in front of the chair and stroked her hair.
	"I love you, Mica," he whispered and kissed her lightly on the
lips.  He sighed and picked her up.  She whimpered and snuggled
closer to his body.  He got up the stairs and into his bedroom and laid
her down.  "Why do you have to be so wonderful? And why can't I
have you?"

	"Mom, can we talk?"  Jeremy was scared out of his mind.
	"Sure honey, what do you wanna talk about?"   Teresa Gavitts
asked her son.  'He's so nervous!' she thought to herself.  Jeremy took
a deep breath.
	"You've always told me that I could come to you about
anything."
	"Of course, Jeremy.  I don't want you to keep secrets from me."
	"Well, I really need you to be here for me when I tell you this."
	"Jeremy, honey, is everything okay? Is Chad in trouble? Is
someone trying to kill themself?" she put a protective hand on her
seventeen year olds shoulder.  Jeremy silently prayed that she took
his news, no, his life smoothly and calmly.
	"M-Mom, I-I'm," he stuttered.
	"Your?" she questioned.
	"M-mom, I-I'm gay," he blurted out.  Teresa just stared at him,
a blank expression on her face.  Her lips pursed in a thin line. "Mom,
please say something," he pleaded.
	"Say something.  You want me to say something?! What do you
mean you're gay?"
	"I like guys," he told her.
	"Don't get smart with me, Jeremiah James Gavitts!" she yelled.
"How could you do this to me?"
	"To you? Hell, Mom, this doesn't have anything to do with you.
This has to do with me.  You think I chose to be gay? You think I
chose to have society spit on me?"
	"Then why are you?"
	"That is the dumbest question you could've asked, mom. I didn't
chose this.  God made me the way I am."
	"Get out of my house," Teresa growled.
	"No," Jeremy defied his mother. "There's more. I'm dating
Chad."
	"You made Chad gay, too?" she frowned.
	"I didn't make him anything! He came out to me last year.
We've been together since then."
	"You kept this from me for a year? A whole year?!"
	"Yes, Mom, because I was afraid you would react the way your
acting now."
	"How did you expect me to react? 'Oh, good for you Jeremy. I'm
so happy for you. Go fuck your boyfriend.'?"
	"No, but I was hoping it would be better than the way your
reacting now."
	"You're a disgrace to this family, just like your father."

	Jeremy bolted up in his bed.  Beads of sweat fell across his skin.
He remembered that night so vividly.  It was the most painful night of
his life.  How could his mother have compared him to his father? His
father was worthless.  Jeremy wasn't.  He sniffed and stumbled to the
bathroom that was connected to his room.  He turned the shower
knob to its hottest setting and stripped from his boxers.  Jeremy
stepped under the spray, he winced as it pounded across his back and
over his throbbing shoulders, down to his mutilated legs and ankles.
The heat took all the energy from his body as he sat on the cold
shower floor and hugged his knees to his chest.
	"I should be happy," he whispered. "I have Howie.  Howie is
wonderful."  He buried his face in his arms and sobbed silently.
Nothing made sense anymore.  He remembered everything that had
happened that month.  A month.  Chad leaving him, his cutting, Kevin
asking him out, Kevin cheating on him, finding Howie and coming to
Florida, it had all happened in a month.

	Suddenly, it did make sense.  Howie made sense.  Sure, Jeremy
didn't know what Howie saw in him but he saw something.  A smile
spread across Jeremy's lips as the water continued to beat down on
his tired body.  Howie wanted to be close to him.  Howie wanted to
love him.  He frowned, he couldn't love Howie back without him
seeing his cuts and scars.  He couldn't let Howie down.  He couldn't
let him see how weak he was.  He had to be strong. He had to be
strong, for Howie.