Date: Sun, 13 Aug 2000 22:11:41 -0700 (PDT) From: Jay Chords <chords4@yahoo.com> Subject: Deceiving Secrets - 17 Disclaimer: If I'm gone when you wake up please don't cry. If I'm gone when you wake up it's not good bye. Don't look back at this time as a time of heart break and distress. Remember me...remember me Hello and Good-bye. This is the final chapter of "Deceiving Secrets". I actually have tears in my eyes as I write this final tag-line. No, I don't believe it will be my last. But, my last for this creation. I started this story as a challenge. I'd never written a story involving male relationships. I had a 20 page outline for this story. Unfortunately, I write outlines and barely ever follow them. It was a challenge that I thought I had failed quite miserably but now that I look at it, I'm quite proud of it. Nothing to sneeze at, at all. I hope you've all enjoyed your time in my twisted little mind. A Final Good-bye: To my wonderful editors, John, Neto, and Fred (SMURF!). *hugs* You're the greatest people I know. Even though I don't know 2 out of the 3 of you all that well. You've managed to put up with me and that in itself is a feat. Thank you for being so wonderful. To my readers: There would be no "Deceiving Secrets" without you. I know that sounds totally "Nsync-ish" but it's true. I would've given up long ago without you're comforting e-mails. Especially the ones I got when we found out Kevin was cheating on AJ. *sigh* The terrible webs I weave. But thank you :) Stories You Must Read: Brian and Me End Of Innocence (it's been moved to the boy-band section! yay! it's absolutely wonderful and the authors are the sweetest people in the world) One More Try (go read! now! *nudge nudge* GO!) Umm Whatever (*giggles* this story just makes me giggle. it's a refreshing story :) My Surprise Romance Everything I Said (I've become addicted to this story without even knowing it) Busta Nsync Lance N JC Tears In Your Eyes (a must must must must read) Josh And Just Not Meant To Be/Beyond What Is (absolutely AMAZING) Me and Joey (I don't even remember starting to read it but I read it and I like it :) Body Switch with Nick Carter (a new one and a GREAT one) Don't Want You Back (very very cool) Hearts Combining Studio In the Country (one of my all time faves) Lance In Shining Armour Justin's Dark Angel Ghostly Hours (an "omg") Remembering Petticoat Lane (*applause to the author who wrote this*) Fixing The Backstreet Boys (wonderful wonderful wonderful) Rob and Lance Superman Can't Fly Dream Of A Guardian Angel Lucky Me Love Me And we all know there are even more but those are just a few :) Send any comments, questions, or hateful letters to : chords4@yahoo.com Have a smashing day. :0) -Jay Chords Chapter 17 "Thank you all for joining us today at such short notice," Kevin spoke as they all settled into the seats. Camera bulbs flashed, on and on. Jeremy felt like he was about to go blind. He looked at Howie and noticed how pale he was. He was sure he even saw a tear shimmering in the corner of his eye. He felt guilty for putting them all through this. He knew it was his own fault. If he hadn't entered a relationship with Kevin, he and AJ would still be happily engaged. The only proof the media had, was the picture of himself and Howie. Damn bastards. "We called this press conference today to discuss the accusations made earlier this morning," he continued. A few hands shot up. "You." he pointed to a man in a blue shirt. "Are you saying that it is not true?" All four looked at each other before silently agreeing. "No, we assure you. It is true," Howie sighed as a gasp rose from the crowd and the intense sound of graphite scratching on paper filled the room. "Stanely Peterson from the Yorker. How do you plan on dealing with the relapse of fans due to this decision?" "I assure you Mr. Peterson," AJ glared at the peaked man. "That this was not our decision. God made us the way we are and I, for one, Thank him for that. As for the fans, we'll be sorry to see you go and we deeply apologize if you feel that you were, in some way, led astray or deceived but you have to live your live as we do ours." Jeremy sat with a dumbfounded look on his face as a result of AJ's statement. He was right. It was deceiving, deceiving to everyone. It was all a bunch of deceiving secrets. Portrayed by every single human being on the planet. "Hi. Emily Taylor from the Tribune. First off, I'd like to say bravo to all of you for taking this in such a manor and I'd like to relay my deepest sympathies for the way this was announced to the public." "Thank you Miss Taylor. You're question?" "Yes, I'd like to know who the young man sitting next to Mr. Dorough is?" she grinned at Jeremy as she sat down. Howie grinned at Jeremy and took his hand into his own. "This is, my boyfriend," Howie beamed proudly. Jeremy blushed and meakly waved at the crowd. "Jeremy James Gavitts." more blinding flashes. Jeremy wanted to crawl into a hole to escape it all. "May I say something?" he squeaked out. All five men nodded. Jeremy nervously cleared his throat. "I realize that perhaps fans may see this as something evil or 'un godly' but I ask you. Why would someone chose this life style? A life style where you can't be who you are. Where you can lose everyone you love by telling them who you really are. A life where a group of people may torture you and leave you to die in a gutter. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, especially these people who I've grown to love to quickly," he gestured toward the group. "But especially, Howie. Who I love deeply with all my heart." Howie's mouth fell open as he gazed into Jeremy's eyes. "You mean that?" "More than anything ever in my entire life," he whispered. "Oh Jeremy," Howie stuttered as he threw his arms around his lover's neck and kissed him for all he was worth. "I love you too," he said, resting his forehead against Jeremy's as they broke the exchange. "I love you more than anything in the world. Marry me?" Jeremy nodded. "Yes." The room was silent as they kissed again. "This conference is over," Brian announced. Howie stood up and offered his hand to Jeremy. He blushed and took the outstretched appendage. He helped up the love of his life as they exited the room, followed by the rest. Chad sat on the couch in Jeremy's house with his mouth on the floor. He had seen the broadcasted conference. He couldn't believe his eyes or ears. His Jay. His Jay was gone. It was that moment that he realized that he had come back hoping that Jeremy would be there. Hoping he would take him back. He now realized how much Jeremy had hurt when he left for Noelle. Noelle had left him. For a women. He put his head in his hands and sobbed. He had lost Jeremy forever. The ride back to the house was quiet. But not an awkward silence. Jeremy was wrapped up in Howie's arms. Brian had a goofy grin on his face as he and Nick played some hand game that many 2nd grade girls would amuse themselves with. No matter what age you are, stupid fun beats any other type. Kevin and AJ had some how managed to not kill each other. They were talking civily with each other. Something about a possibly reconciliation of sorts. "Hey, drop me off at home," Nick requested to the driver. It was a matter of minutes before he pulled to a stop. "Later guys," Nick skipped out of the limousine and into his house. "Lisa! I'm home!" no answer. "Lisa?" he knocked on the bedroom door and let himself in. She wasn't there. He shrugged and opened up the closet and pulled out clothes to change into. Maybe he'd stop by Howie's and Brian's after all. He pulled a shirt from the rack but it slipped out of his hands and fell to the carpet. He bent down to pick it up when something in the corner caught his eye. He flicked on the light and pulled out a plastic bag. He upturned it as a red wig fell from it. Hot tears burned in his eyes as he threw it against the wall. The door slammed shut. "Nicky? Nicky baby? Are you home?" Lisa's shrill voice called. Nick clenched his fists and drew a few steady breaths before walking out of the room. "Hi sweetie," he kissed her on the cheek. "I found a red wig in the closet. Do you know anything about it?" He watched as Lisa became tense. "A red wig? Maryanne must have left it." "Why would Maryanne leave a red wig? She already has red hair? Some of the nicest red hair I've ever seen actually." "Well-um-you see." "Cut the crap. I know it was you. How could you? You could have ruined my career and ruined Kevin, AJ, and Howie's lives! Not to mention dragging Jeremy into all of it! You little bitch!" "Nicky, baby, you don't understand." "I don't need to understand. Get out of my house." "But Nicky! I love you!" "Bull shit! Now, get out of my house!" Lisa sputtered as Nick opened the door. "Don't let the knob slap you in the ass on the way out," he snarled. "Nich-" the door cut off the rest of her plea. Nick stumbled into the shower and let the hot water pour down his back as it loosened his tense muscles. He closed his eyes and leaned against the cool wall. He inhaled deeply and exhaled with a smile. Tonight. Tonight he would go out and have fun. They pulled up in front of the house and piled out. Mica and Daisy appeared at the door and greeted them with hugs and kisses. The conference had been broadcasted thanks to MTV. As exhausted as they were, they all crowded into the living room. It was the first day of the rest of their lives. No one knew what would happen to "The Backstreet Boys" and none were really sure if they wanted to know. It seemed like a good time to just end it right there. To die when everything was perfect. No more secrets. No more hiding. The doorbell sounded through the house. Brian yawned and looked out the peephole. "Hey! It's Nicky!" he called and opened the door. "Hey Frack!" he hugged his best friend. "Hey. I stopped by cause I've got some news. Can I come in?" "Sure. Come in. Come in." Nick smiled and walked into the living room. "I've got an announcement," Nick beamed. "What is it?" Kevin asked as AJ yawned. He kissed AJ on the nose as he cuddled deeply into the older man. They had reconciled and were once again, Kevin and Alex. "Well. First. Lisa was 'Lady'. You know, the one who outed you guys." Every single jaw landed on the floor. "You're fucking us right?" "Nope. It's true. But anyways. That's not important." They all eyeballed him. "Okay. Yeah. That's important but I got other news. I met someone new." He was met with groans from the room. "What?" "Another girl? Nick, you gotta be careful!" "Lemme go get'em. I swear! This one is different." Nick skipped out of the house, again. Brian sat down in the chair with Mica. "This is insane! I swear we should lock him up until he's 45! He's got more hormones than AJ." "Hey!" AJ and Kevin protested. Everyone chuckled as they blushed. The door opened and Nick walked back into the room, dragging a shy looking person behind him. "Everyone, meet Marshall. Marshall, meet everyone." Mica started laughing. "You're kidding me, right? Eminem!" "Hey," he mumbled, hiding behind Nick. "So. Does this mean you're gay, Nick?" Brian asked. "Bi. Same as Mars here." "Mars?" they all snickered. "Hey come on guys. It took me forever to convince him to come here," Nick protested as he slipped his arm around Marshall's waist and kissed him. Marshall's cheeks turned three shades of red. "Nice to meet you guys," he stumbled over his words. "Welcome to the family," Mica beamed, giving him a hug and slapping Nick on the back. Jeremy and Howie were nestled on the couch. Everyone else had gone out for a few drinks to get to know Marshall and Daisy was tucked in bed. A fire crackled in the fireplace as they giggled and laughed together. Another perfect moment. "Uncle Jay?" Daisy whispered as she tripped down the stairs, trying to adjust to the bright light. "Yeah honey?" "My stomach hurts," she whimpered. Jeremy patted the spot between himself and Howie. "Come sit with me and Uncle Howie." She crawled between them. Atchika jumped into Daisy's lap. She groaned in pain. "Baby, can you take Atchika upstairs?" Howie nodded and picked up the fluff ball. "Uncle Jay?" "Yeah?" he stroked her long brown hair. "It really hurts." "Lean against me honey. Close your eyes and try to rest." She did as he asked, clutching onto his tee shirt. "Why does it hurt so much?" Jeremy gazed into the little girls eyes. She was pleading for an answer. Some kind of reassurence. But they both knew Jeremy couldn't bring it to them. He wished more than anything that he could help her. "I don't know," he admitted, almost ashamed. "I don't know." "Mom doesn't know either." "Do you get this often?" he was starting to get overwhelmingly concerned. "Every once in awhile since the crash but it's never hurt like this." "Show me where it hurts." She lifted a shaking finger and pointed to a spot just above her belly button. She started to cough as a small trickle of blood flowed down her chin from her mouth. "HOWIE!" Jeremy screamed. Howie raced down the stairs at the cry of his love. "What is it?" "Get a towel and call 9-1-1! She's coughing up blood." "Uncle Jay?" she whispered. "Yes Daisy Flower?" "Do you really love Uncle Howie?" Jeremy kissed her forehead. "Yes. I really do." "Uncle Jay?" she was barely speaking now as the blood flow thickened. "Y-yes Daisy Flower?" "He loves you too, I can tell by the way he looks at you. Promise me something." "Anything Daisy Flower." "M-M-" she began to cough violently as blood poured down her chin in a heavy river. Howie rushed in with a cloth and the phone in hand. "Don't talk Daisy Flower. Help is coming," he placed the clothe on her face, wiping away the red fluid. Daisy swatted it away. "P-Promise me you'll marry him. I-I know y-you're e-engaged b-but go t-through with it. I-I want to come," she gasped for air at her final statement. Jeremy hugged the trembling angel. "I promise and I promise you'll be there." "Uncle Jeremy?" she never called him that. "Yes Daffodil?" he used her full name. "I love you," she stuttered as she gasped for air. "I love you, too, but please don't talk," he pleaded. Daisy's blue eyes sparkled at him. She grasped onto his hand and smiled. She looked so happy yet so terrified as she looked up at him. She was so full of life no more than an hour earlier. She let out a little giggle as she stared past him. The smile grew as she kissed his hand and laid her head on his chest. She smiled before closing her eyes. "Daisy?" Howie whispered. "Daisy? Daisy Flower?!" Jeremy shook her lip body. "NO! Daisy? NO! God don't take her too!" he felt her lifeless cheek. An animalistic scream escaped his lips as the sounds of an ambulance siren could be heard in the distance. The doctor's were never able to explain Daisy's death. They wrote it off as a freak accident. Mica told Marcy and Evan. The death of their only child was a heart wrenching one. Both knew they would never have children again but didn't want to. They couldn't replace the angel god had given them. The precious angel that brought joy into everyone's life that she touched. Jeremy had had a pendant made for her 12th birthday. She hadn't even lived to see her twelveth birthday. She had once vowed she would be a famous poet. Never would she live her dream. But, the pendant was something to give her faith. In herself and her talents. A metal daisy that hung on a cord. The words 'God blessed all of us when he brought you into our lives' were etched on the back. Jeremy now stood in his room. He fumbled through his belongings until he found the untouched gift. He lifted it from it's soft bed and fastened it around his own neck. It was his reminder. His reminder of the gift that God had laid upon them and had swiftly taken away. He knew he would see his Daisy Flower again. Just never in human form. He stood in the bathroom. A razor in his hands. He gazed at the blade as tears flowed down his cheeks. He looked at his untouched flesh and smiled a devilish grin. He threw the razor into the garbage and exited. Howie was lying on the bed. His eyes cast up at the ceiling. His arms creating a nest for his head. Jeremy sat on the edge of the bed and let the words flow from his heart. Close your eyes, Make a wish, And remember my kiss, Say good-bye and sweet dreams, Things aren't what they seem. You have to say good-bye, Sometimes in this life, Sometimes it'll last for a long or short while, But just remember, Good-bye's can never last forever. Take my hand, Hold it tight, And remember this night, Sit by me, Under this tree, And we'll make a memory. You have to say good-bye, Sometimes in this life, Sometimes it'll last for a long or short while, But just remember, Good-bye's can never last forever. The last words faded as the two broke down into loud sobs. Jeremy grasped onto Howie as he let all his sorrow pour from his soul. He had always hated showing emotion around other people but now was an exception. "Howie?" he sniffled. "Yes?" "There's something. Something I need to tell you." "What is it?" Jeremy took a deep breath and removed his shirt. The gasp that left Howie's mouth was one that Jeremy would remember for the rest of his life. He stood and slipped off his track pants. Revealing more. More scars and cuts that seemed to be burned into his flesh. Howie looked at Jeremy as though he had seen a ghost. "I'll leave." Jeremy picked up his clothes. Howie jumped off the bed and drew Jeremy to his body. "I love you. I'll help you through this." "You don't hate me?" "No. Never. Never could I hate you. You're the most important thing in my life." Jeremy grabbed hold of Howie's body and sobbed again. Holding his only love. Thanking God over and over. Wanting to know why he had been brought someone to wonderful. No more secrets. No more deceiving secrets. Howie and Jeremy made love for the first time that night. Not hot sex. Slow, passionate love making. Something someone only experiences at a few precious moments in their life. The night had become something special. Although his beloved angel was dead. His love had excepted the one thing keeping him from living his life. Howie was something he couldn't explain. But something he didn't want to. Jeremy could swear that out of the corner of his eye he saw Daisy. Smiling. The song mentioned in this chapter and chaper 8 was written by Becca Calabrese. One of my very best friends. Watch for her CD in the next few years. It was written to her cousin, Gabriel, who died in March of 1999 at 3 months of age. He was diagnosed with cancer at birth. He was an angel that brought the family together and always smiled. Even at his tender age, it was impossible to tell he was in pain. Always, his face held a smile and a giggle. He was truly a beautiful, beautiful baby. You've managed to enter and leave the twisted mind of Mica Ganaposki. I appreciate the response I got from this story. It's been excepted with open arms and I thank you all greatly for it. :) I know it ended sooner than planned. Originally, it was to go on for 30 or 40 chapters. Unfortunately, summer is coming to a close and this 15 year old has school, unlike alot of other authors on the archive. There is a chance DS will come back next summer. Perhaps stronger and much more detailed. Maybe from a point of view this time. But once again, thank you for letting me bring this story into your life. If you have any questions about anything you were wondering about, feel free to write : chords4@yahoo.com I'll gladly answer. I, for one, hate having burning questions that can't be answered. My aim : Cheschire Diva From the bottom of my (broken heart..sorry cheese moment) heart, I thank you and good-night :) -"Jay"