Date: Tue, 17 Jul 2001 12:29:41 -0500
From: Danni Bailey <dannibailey@hotmail.com>
Subject: No More Secrets - Chapter 4

Disclaimer: This story is fiction. It is not meant to imply anything about
the sexual orientation of any of the characters.  I know none of the
characters in the story nor do I know anything about their "sexual" likes
and dislikes, its just an overactive imagination.

I didn't get any hate mail regarding my treatment of Nick Carter.  Thanks,
I appreciate that!!

Happy reading,
Danni

CHAPTER 4

Justin shook his head as he looked at his reflection in the mirror.  Danni
was right. He did look like shit.  Other than to retrieve the morning
paper, he hadn't been outside since you'd left.  Actually, he had not done
much of anything.  He thought when Kyle and Mandi left things couldn't get
any worse.  Looking back, nothing could have been further from the truth.
He hadn't eaten a full meal in the eleven days that you had been gone,
despite all of Danni's efforts, and his pants now hung loosely at his hips.
She had made him promise that today he would get out of the house and take
time to tie up some loose ends at the office.  He wasn't looking forward to
it.  He only agreed when she assured him that you would be busy with
meetings for most of the day.

Even after more than a week had past, Justin still couldn't believe he'd
been so stupid.  He knew better.  It came down to a simple equation.
"Never trust Nick and always trust Gary."  If he had only listened to you
that night, things would be different now.

As he pulled into the parking lot, he realized he'd actually missed coming
to work.  Then again, it wasn't the work that he missed.  It was you.  Even
at work he had enjoyed the time you spent together and he had marveled at
how easily all the business jargon had become second nature to you.  He
locked the car door, and took a deep breath, trying to regain his compose
before heading inside.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You never heard Lonnie enter your office as the words of Mike Gilroy,
played over and over again in your mind.  Lonnie had been with you from the
beginning and Justin had made sure his years of loyalty paid off.  He was
still in charge of security, but now it was for you and Justin privately,
which was rarely needed, and he oversaw and trained all of the security
personnel associated with Marlake.  Security was never a problem, as Lonnie
had trained the entire staff personally and enforced the same stringent
rules that had been in place when NSYNC had toured.

The last week had been hard for him as well, as he was more than an
employee but a friend to both of you.  Evidently, you were deep in thought
as he called your name repeatedly with no response.  When you finally heard
his voice your head snapped up to see not only Lonnie's large frame in
front of your desk, but Justin as well, standing in the slightly ajar
doorway.

Your eyes locked on each others, and one by one you could feel tears escape
your eyes and cascade down your cheek. In the doorway, Justin stood
motionless, tears flowing freely.

Lonnie grinned recognizing that Danni's plan had paid off and the
connection between the two of you was back.

"Here they go," he said in a half laugh and the sound of his voice diverted
your attention away from Justin for a moment.

"It's about time," he commented.  "I was wondering if you were ever gonna
snap out of it.  I called your name 3 or 4 times and you never moved."

"Sorry Lonnie, I had something on my mind.  Could you give Justin and I
some time alone please?"

Lonnie's face lit up.  "Sure I can, but if I hear anything being thrown,
I'm coming in.  Got it?"

"Thanks Lonnie," Justin said softly.

Lonnie closed the door behind him leaving you and Justin alone, still
silent and eyes fixated on each other.  It could have only happened between
you and Justin.  Two people so close that your minds seemed to work as one.
You spoke at the exact same time.  Word for word.

"I miss you"

Justin voice struggled.  "Gary, I should have listened to you that night.
Danni and I have done a lot of talking this past week.  I'm not saying that
it's gonna effect how you feel, but I want you to know I'm getting help
with the drinking.  Professional help.  I know it isn't much, but you need
to hear it.  I'm sorry."

The harder you tried to stop them, the more the tears flowed.  "Justin, I
never should have left you that night.  We should have dealt with it then,
but I just couldn't."

There was a silence, and for the first time Justin recognized the music
filtering through your office.  It was 98 degrees, from the 3rd cd
Revelation.

He'll never be what I used to be to you.  So if you want to play the fool
Then make that move And do what you want to do

You'll never find a heart that is half as true I guess you really never
knew But soon you'll see That he'll never be What I used to be to you!

"Gary, Nick was a careless mistake; one that I made when I was very drunk.
I don't even remember what happened, but I do know that it meant nothing.
Nick means nothing.  I'll do whatever it takes to try to repair what I've
done.

He wasn't telling you anything you didn't already know, but the pain was
still there.

You motioned to the couch.  "Sit down, Justin.  We need to talk."

He sat down. You sat next to him, and as you did, he reached over to hold
your hand.  You pulled it away quickly.

"No Justin, what we need to do is talk, and that isn't gonna help right
now.  You've hurt me Justin, hurt me deeply.  Its not something that is
going to magically disappear on its own."

"I know that, but I was hurting so bad.  I needed an escape and I thought
Nick was a friend.  I got drunk and he took advantage of it.  Gary, he came
right and out told me he was just waiting for the right time and place.
He's wanted this for a long time. It was a set up."

The hatred you felt for Nick Carter was growing by the minute, but that
needed to wait.  This wasn't about Nick.  It was about Justin.

"Nick may be partially to blame, but no one forced you to drink.  No one
forced you to turn to the bottle when you had me, not to mention a close
group of friends, that love you and would do anything to help you."

You knew your words hurt, but you had held them in for long enough.

"All you could think about was drinking enough to make the pain go away for
a short time, but look what it cost you."

"I know.  I know I pushed you away, but you always acted like loosing the
kids didn't bother you and it was tearing me up. I love those kids. I just
couldn't deal with it."

"I realize that now, but at the time I didn't.  I was just trying to give
you some space, hoping that it would help.  Unfortunately, it didn't, it
only made matters worse.  By the time I figured it out and asked Josh and
Danny for help, it was too late.  Nick had convinced you that we were the
bad guys; that partying with him would take your mind off of things.  He's
more manipulative than I ever gave him credit for.  I never imagined that
he would take it that far."

Justin said nothing.  He realized that everything you said was true.  He
had allowed himself to trust someone who's only interest was to destroy
your marriage.  He had family and friends to turn to, but the high of
alcohol became his best friend.

"You know Gary, I don't know how I could have gotten through this week
without Danni. She says things and all of a sudden everything just seems so
much clearer.  She told me how much damage I've done; to you, to our
marriage, and to myself.  Talking to you today has proven to me that she
was only touching the tip of the iceberg.  I've been a real ass and made
some very bad decisions, but I want to change.  I want you back in my life.
I want you to love me again.  "

He paused, trying to regain his composure as tears steamed down his face.

"I know I don't deserve another chance, but I'm asking if you'll please
come back home.  I have an appointment tomorrow with a counselor and I want
you there with me."

"Justin, I want that too.  I want to repair the damage that has been done,
but in order to do that I have to forgive you for what you did.  I just
don't know how I'm gonna be able to do that.  You turned to someone I can't
stand instead of me.  The worse part is that we have less than 24 hours to
decide if we can make this marriage work."

You could see the look of confusion on Justin's face.

You took a deep breath and tried to continue.  "Justin, I just missed a
very important phone call.  You've missed the same call three times at
home.  It was from Mike Gilroy at Children's Services."

You could see the look on panic spread over Justin's face.  "Are they
okay?"

"I'm not sure. I didn't get any details other than they are out of the
state and are being flown back here tomorrow.  Justin, Mike made it very
clear that their parents won't be given another chance.  Kyle and Mandi
need a permanent home."

Justin sat motionless.  The intensity of this whole situation came crashing
down around him.  Now, not only was his marriage on the line, but the one
thing that he had wanted his entire life, a family, was in your hands.  He
looked at you pleading, not with words, but with eyes, hoping you could see
what words could never express as clearly.

Neither of you spoke, but sat in silence.  There was so much at stake and
so little time.  In less than 24 hours you and Justin had to decide if you
could not only save the marriage, but take on the responsibility of raising
2 small children. There were so many factors to consider.  Could you truly
forgive him?  Could you learn to trust him again?  What about the drinking?
Kyle and Mandi certainly didn't need that in their lives.  What they needed
was a stable, loving home.  As things stood right now, could you and Justin
provide that for them?

As you sat there in silence, the music playing softly in the background
caught your attention.

In the still of my heart There's a fire that burns my souls desire Touching
me like the sun Here and now I give my love so faithfully I will always be
the one

I wanna stay with you tonight I don't wanna leave cause I feel the time is
right Don't wanna go before I say what I have to say Don't ask me to walk
away I want to stay the night Wanna stay the night


You looked at Justin and knew what needed to be done.  You stood and
reached down to take his hand and pulled him to his feet.  "I think we need
to go home.  We've got a lot of things to discuss and decisions to make."

A smile covered Justin's face "You're gonna come home with me?"

"Justin, we're gonna talk. There are no guarantees, but I'm your husband
and that's a commitment I take very seriously.  I need to know you are as
committed as I am."

Justin nodded.  "I understand, no guarantees."

You continued to hold his hand as you opened the office door and walked
into the reception area.  Immediately, Lonnie and Gretchen noticed and
tried their best to conceal their obvious elation.

Lonnie looked at Gretchen and winked. "Damn Danni is good.  She pulled it
off."

Justin stopped in his tracks.  "What did you say Lonnie?"

Realizing he had spoken louder than he intended, Lonnie quickly tried to
re-group.

"Ummm, I was saying how ummmm, Danni..."

Gretchen tried her best to help him out. "Ummm, how Danni had done such a
good job with the boys.  They are really well behaved."

Justin didn't buy it for a minute.  "Bullshit!  Danni planned this, didn't
she?"

Lonnie and Gretchen looked at each other, but said nothing.

"Lonnie? I'm waiting for an answer."

"Can I take the fifth?" he pleaded.

You looked at Justin and smiled.  "Well, there's your answer."

Justin reached for his cell phone, and dialed Chris' number.  He probably
had 50 or 60 numbers memorized.  He figured it was safer to know the
numbers than to store them in speed dial.  It was a logic you didn't
understand, but that was one of his many quirks you had come to accept over
the years.

Chris' middle son Darren answered the phone.  "Darren, its uncle Justin.
Is your mom home?"

Justin covered the receiver.  "He's getting her."

"Hey sweetie, what's up?" she asked casually.

"Gee, Danni you tell me?" he answered sarcastically.

With a slight chuckle she asked, " So where are you?"

Justin tried to sound aggravated, but knew he wasn't very convincing.  "I'm
at the office.  You know, the office where you told me Gary would be tied
up with meetings all day, and that there was NO way I'd run into him."

"Oh, was I wrong?" she asked innocently.

"You set us up Danni!"

Ignoring him she asked, "Is Gary there with you?"

"Of course he is Danni.  Wasn't that the plan?"

"Pretty much."

She was the best.  Justin could not imagine her not being a part of his
life.  "I love you Danni."

"I love you too J, and hang in there.  Can I talk to Gary for a minute?

He handed you the phone and you fully prepared to let Danni know how you
felt about her plan.  She had a heart of gold, but damn she was sneaky.

"About your little plan..."

"Gary, Blake's crying.  I gotta go, but you need to remember one thing.  He
cheated with his body, not his heart.  His heart always has, and always
will, belong to you alone."

You were going to respond but the phone went dead.  You handed Justin back
his phone without saying a word.

"Gary, is everything ok?" Justin asked.

You looked at him, remembering what Danni had told you.  "Yeah Justin,
everything is gonna be fine."

To Be Continued...

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