Date: Sat, 21 Jul 2001 20:38:35 -0500
From: Danni Bailey <dannibailey@hotmail.com>
Subject: No More Secrets - Chapter 5

Disclaimer...Yes boys and girls this is a fictitious story.  I know none of
the member of NSYNC or any other characters portrayed in this story. This
also does not imply that any members of NSYNC are gay (although Justin and
JC would make a great couple!)

If you have some time, please send me some feedback.  I love hearing any
and all comments.

Comments to Dannibailey@hotmail.com


Chapter 5

You spent the next several hours doing nothing but talking.  Justin
probably shared more with you that night than he had since the two of you
had been together.  All of his insecurities that he had tried to hide over
the years now came to the surface. His fear of failure, both in his career
and in his personal life had haunted him for years. He shared with you his
love of performing, how being on stage was the most gratifying and
exhilarating experience imaginable, but having to do meet and greets or
personal appearances, and even the assemblage of screaming fans as he
entered and left the hotels had terrified him.

With 20 Grammys under his belt he still was concerned about the quality of
his music and his performance.  Was he doing the best he could? Was it the
music that he worked so hard on what the fans really enjoyed, or did his
looks dictate his popularity?

And then there was his personal life.  The one area where he should feel
the most comfortable and the most secure still had areas that haunted him.
He had doubted that your marriage would last for very long after the
popularity of NSYNC had subsided.  Though he had admitted that nothing you
ever did or said led him to believe that would be the case, the fear of
loosing you had never really subsided.  He was afraid, terribly afraid of
being alone.

By ten o'clock you were both exhausted.

"Justin, I really think we need to call it a night and get some sleep.
Tomorrow is gonna be a long day."

He had been lying down, resting his head in your lap and sat up abruptly
when you mentioned tomorrow.

"Does that mean..."

You didn't let him finish, but leaned over and gently kissed his lips.
"Yes, it means that I'm willing to make this work if that's what you want.
We've got a long way to go and its not going to be easy, but I love you and
I love the kids.  I want us to be a family.

His body was trembling as you held him tightly.

"I love you Gary.  Thank you!"

Danni was right, his heart had always been yours.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

As the morning sun just began to creep slowly into your bedroom, Justin
finally felt like he could get up.  At least now it was officially morning.
He'd been awake for a long time, anxiously watching each passing hour
slowly slip by.  He was hoping that you being in bed with him would end the
sleepless nights, but he found it almost worse.  Before, when you were at
Josh's and he longed to have you close. Now, you were only inches away, yet
he still slept alone.  He tried to remind himself that it would take time,
that things wouldn't be back to normal anytime soon, but he longed for your
strong arms holding him as he drifted off to sleep.

He quietly got out of bed, ran his fingers though his golden curls and
headed for the shower.  He took a quick glance at the clock on the
nightstand.  6:08 am, still about 3 hours before the Department of
Children's Services would open.  How much longer after that, he wondered,
would it be before he could see the smiles of the two youngsters that had
stolen his heart.

With droplets of water from his morning shower still dripping from his hair
and a towel wrapped around his waist, Justin sat on the edge of the bed and
stared at his sleeping lover. He longed to kiss you passionately, but knew
the time wasn't right.  Instead, he merely brushed the hair off of your
forehead and leaning forward gave you a gentle kiss.

You startled him when you grabbed him quickly and pulled him on top of you.

"Don't you ever dry your hair when you get out of the shower?" you teased
him.  "You're dripping all over me."

"Damn Gary, you scared the hell out of me.  I thought you were still
asleep."

Suddenly, he realized he was lying on top of you with only the damp towel
separating your bodies and abruptly rolled over onto his back and grabbed a
pair of boxers from the foot of the bed.  He discarded the towel while
still under the sheets and pulled the boxers up around his waist.

You were surprised.  You thought that for sure that a playful moment would
be welcomed considering all that had transpired in the past week.

"Justin what's up with you?  You don't want to lay with me anymore?"

"No, that's not it at all" he said softly.

"Okay, so what is it?  Does this have anything to do with Nick?"

You could see the hurt in his eyes.  "No, it has NOTHING to do with Nick.
Its just that I can't...ummm I can't..."

"Can't what Justin?  What the hell is bugging you?"

His eyes averted yours as he answered in a hushed tone.

"What's bugging me is I can't lay there with you like that and not get a
hard on and I really don't feel like taking a cold shower.

As hard as you tried to control yourself, you could not stop laughing.

Justin blushed.  "I'm glad you find this so damn funny, but its really not
you know."

You gave him a gentle hug.  "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it.  I was just
thinking how the guys used to tease you all the time when we were on tour.
They even nicknamed you `rabbit'.  I guess some things don't change."

"No they don't" he chuckled.  "I can still get excited just looking you."

Damn he was making this hard.  You pulled him close to you and let your
lips gently touch his.  He opened his mouth begging for you to kiss him
with the passion you had shared for so many years.  You wanted it to, but
the image of Nick and he together seemed to be burned into your memory.  It
was still too fresh; you couldn't do it.

"I'm sorry, Justin" you said sincerely "I'm just not ready."

Disappointment and hurt covered his face as he nodded in agreement.  "I
understand."

Quickly you changed the subject.  "How about we get some breakfast?  If
we're gonna bring the kids home today, it might be the last quiet meal we
have for a while."

A slight smile appeared on his face.  "You got that right.  Those two can
make any meal an adventure."

Justin paced the floor continually from 8:30 on, checking his watch every
few minutes hoping that somehow the hands would move more quickly than what
they were supposed to.  His alarm beeped at 9:00 am exactly and he looked
at you eagerly.

"Can we call now?  Mike should be in his office."

You handed him the phone.  "Guess you better call and find out, and if he's
not, I pity his receptionist.

Justin smiled, already having the number entered and awaiting an answer
from the other end.

On the fifth ring, disappointment showed on his face and he was prepared to
hang up when an out of breath Mike Gilroy answered the phone.

"Department of Children's Services, this is Mike."

Justin's face lit up.  "Mike, this is Justin Timberlake.  Gary and I are
calling about the kids."

"Justin!" he said excitedly.  "I'm so glad to hear from you.  I was
wondering what was going on with you two.  I've tried for a couple of days
to get in touch with you.  I know you guys have hectic schedules, but we
just couldn't wait."

"Sorry Mike, things have just been kinda crazy around here, but we finally
got your message yesterday and we want to come by and pick up the kids.
This is a sure thing, right?  They're really ours this time?"

"Their parents have already signed the papers making them wards of the
State.  They are available for immediate adoption.  If you and Gary want
them, we could probably have everything finalized by the end of the week."

Justin covered the receiver momentarily.  "They're ours, Gary.  The parents
turned them over to the State."

You were elated, but curious.

"Ask him why the sudden change.  They were fighting for them just a couple
of months ago and now they're giving them up?

Justin nodded and returned to his conversation.  "Mike, why are the parents
so willing to give them up now?

Mike voice became serious.  "They aren't really willing Justin.  It was
part of a plea bargain."

"What kind of plea bargain?" he asked cautiously.

"Justin, do you guys have another phone?  I think Gary needs to hear this
as well."

He turned to you.  "Gary, pick up the extension.  Mike wants to talk to
both of us.  It's about Kyle and Amanda's parents.  I guess they entered
into some type of plea bargain arrangement."

You realized immediately what had happened and you knew all too well what
Justin's reaction would be. Mike's news would hit him hard.

You picked up on the extension and let Mike know you were there.

"Okay, here's the bottom line.  The Griffins agreed to release the children
into our custody permanently if we would drop any further charges against
them.  We thought it was in the best interest of the children in the long
run to get them into permanent home as soon as possible."

You could see the anger in Justin's eyes as he comprehended what Mike was
telling him.

"What charges?" he demanded.

Mike paused before answering.  "Abuse" he confirmed, "and with the other
charges against them in the past, they knew they would be facing jail time.
Personally, I'd love to see them rot in jail, but the deal was made for the
kids.  We felt certain you would take them and they'd be much better off."

You held Justin's hand, knowing the fury that was building inside him.

"What the fuck did he do to those kids?"

"Justin, you need to calm down" Mike suggested.  "The kids are gonna be
fine.  They are at the hospital now being checked out, but from the reports
I've gotten so far it's a matter of neglect more than abuse.  I know they
were both dehydrated when they were checked in and both have lost weight
since leaving you.  The only sign of physical abuse is Kyle's arm.  It's
been broken, but they set it this morning and other than being in some pain
he seems to be doing okay."

Justin hurled the cell phone across the room and stormed outside.  He
couldn't stay on the phone.  He couldn't hear any more details.

You finished up quickly with Mike and let him know the two of you would
meet him at the hospital at 11:00, saying you and Justin needed to pick a
few things the children would need before brining them home.  To be honest
you needed the time to get Justin calmed down.  The obligatory 15 minute
cooling off period, then you and he could talk.

You found him sitting by the pool in one of the several lounge chairs
scattered on the pool's redwood deck.

He spoke as he heard you approaching.  "How could they Gary?  How could
anyone hurt one of those kids, ANY kid for that matter?"

"Normal people don't Justin, but these two are sick.  All they can think
about is how they are gonna get money for more drugs.  They never wanted
these kids.  They were an inconvenience to them."

"How could anyone look into Mandi's eyes and call her an inconvenience?"

You smiled slightly.  Although Justin loved both of them dearly, it was
Mandi that had him wrapped around her little finger.

"Listen Justin, what's done is done and there is no way we can change that,
but what we can do is make sure those kids have a loving home from here on
out.  After today, they'll have two parents that love them and will treat
them right.  Their other memories will fade in time."

Justin nodded in agreement.  "When did Mike say we could see them?"

"I told them we'd be there at 11:00.  He seems to think both of them will
be released from the hospital by then and we can bring them home.  He'll
have papers ready for us to sign when we get there.  Then we just have to
wait for a judge's seal of approval which he said would probably be the
middle of next week."

"Once they are legally ours we can change their last names right?"

"I never really thought about it, but yes, I'm sure it can all be done at
the same time."

Justin grinned widely.  "Amanda & Kyle Martin.  Sounds pretty good doesn't
it?"

"Martin?" you asked genuinely shocked.  "What about Timberlake?"

"Too cumbersome and no kid wants a famous parent.  Not that people won't
know, but at least it won't be so obvious.  And besides, down the road you
never know what might happen.  Mandi Martin just kinda has a ring to it."

Then he broke into his best DJ voice, "And opening tonight at the Hollywood
Palladium, 3 time Grammy winner Mandi Martin!"  He winked, grinning widely.
"Not too bad huh?"

You shook your head in disbelief.  You wondered what would be more
difficult in the coming years; raising two small children or raising Justin
as he went through his second childhood.  What were you thinking?  Kyle and
Mandi were manageable, Justin was a whole other story.

To be continued...