Date: Wed, 26 Jul 2000 13:20:19 +0100 (BST)
From: Lashrac <eternal_nsync@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: Destiny's Decision_Chapter 8

Disclaimer, you know the deal, no reading unless you are over the age limit
of 21 or whateva it is that your country says it is! blah blah blah! This
story does not imply that anyone ('Nsync or A1) mentioned here is gay blah
blah, or that I know any of them personally blah blah.......  I wish I did
know them though, it wouldn't be all that bad.

these days have been full on. i'm losing it, and its just a matter of time
before someone is gonna make me snap...i'm moody, annoyed and kinda
depressed. you guys are lucky because you are the ppl i consolidate in. i
release stress by knowing that some of you understand. i try my hardest to
do the things i like, and this is one of them, writing. wanna know whats
going on? u hafta read to find out won't u? and i want feedback on how
Ollie is doing...is he getting on your nerves as to why he's here? well, i
have something special planned.  but not all of it is formed yet. and for
the REAL Ollie in my life...

I LOVE YOU! i just wish you knew, i wish i could tell you, i wish i had the
strength to tell you. i love you more with every passing day, and i'm
losing more of myself with everyday. but someday, you'll get a phone call,
a phone call saying that you'll never be seeing me again. or you'll turn up
to school, and find out i'm gone. Those are the days i dread, but are
slowly becoming more and more of my reality. i know its the cowards way
out, but i don't think i can handle it for much longer. everything has
already begun crumbling, i'm holding onto the one thing i hold important in
my life...YOU. i make my life miserable by trying to brighten it. I try to
find the courage to tell you, but Fate just isn't on my side. Maybe we
werent meant to be together, maybe i've been tested, and i failed so you're
my punishment. I wish things between us were better, i wish our friendship
was more. But i guess you haven't noticed that sparkle in my eye whenever
you're around, you haven't noticed my over-friendliness, and haven't picked
up on my love...maybe it's best if i let you go, if i left your life
forever, to let, the one thing that is holding my life together, go...i'm
sorry...i truly am, but things havent seemed to work, for me anyway...my
will to live is on a piece of string, ready to snap a any moment. I will
treasure the last days of our friendship, i will treasure every moment i
spent with you, i will treasure the love i had and still have, i will
slowly work myself out of your life, until i am no longer existent, maybe
it's for the best...for you to be happy i will do anything. Please don't
give me enough reason to do all these things, it's hard enough now.  I
don't want to do any of them, but oneday you'll make a decision that will
cause me to go through with it all, it'll be hard for me, but i'll do it,
for the sake of YOU.

----------------------- **Destiny's Decision**

|Previously on Destiny's Decision|

As he recalled those memories from the depths of his mind, his emotions
began to flow. A few tears escaped his eyes.

"Ollie..." Jason whispered, barely audible even to himself.
-----------------------

Chapter 8

Justin's break was over, and it was time to once again prepare for their
tour. Everytime they had to go on tour, they would all find it too
difficult to get into routine. Sometimes it would be the fact that they had
to leave family or friends behind, sometimes it was the amount of work
thrown at them. All the while, Justin seemed to be the only one out of the
five of them who didn't seem to mind going on this tour. Usually he was the
last to prepare, last to get adjusted but also the first to think about
having to say goodbye to everyone again.  The only difference this time,
was that Justin wasn't going to be lonely anymore, yes he had the other 4
guys, but he wanted more, and now that he had found Jason he was going to
be happy no matter where he went on tour, as long as they could be
together.

They spent everyday rehearsing to perfection, readying their voices for the
long nights. They spent laborious hours practicing and getting into the
dance routines again. Once they were reminded of each step, they remember
it all as though it were the back of their hands. Everyday it seemed as
though Jason had nothing to do, he had everything done and checked by
lunch, and it seemed as though no-one had anything FOR him to do. Everyday
he ended up either sitting down listening to the guys sing, or watching
them being tortured by Fatima, who had just been recently assigned by Jive
as their new choreographer.

The day came when the other group, they were touring, with was to arrive.
None of them was told who it was, but Jason had a suspicion that it was
going to be A1. He had seen the schedules, and heard people talking here
and there.

"AAAARHHHHH!!!!!" Chris jumped up from his seat. He was tired of waiting,
he had too much energy built up inside for him to be sitting around.

"Chris, just be patient will ya, we've only been here 10 minutes." Lance
was always the one who kept the group in check during these occasions. He
was infact not really shy, just that with his job came the consequences of
not being able to entirely trust everyone.

"Why can't they just be early! I mean, we weren't even told WHO they were
apart from we would know when they came out." Chris's complaining was
quickly shutup when Lance and JC BOTH glared at him.

"Do you have any idea who it is Jase?" Justin had his head on Jason's
shoulder, holding each other's hands. They were in a private waiting area,
but there was still some people around. They were warned of being
affectionate towards each other in public, but Lance assured them that the
people around there wouldn't do anything drastic. Justin was practically
falling asleep on Jason's shoulder.

"I think it's A1...but i'm not quite sure."

"A1?" Everyone but Justin seemed to ask at the same time.

"Hey, I've only heard of them a lil bit when I was in Australia, I can
recognise them, but that doesn't mean i know alot about them."

"Any cute guys?" Justin asked, half asleep, half sarcastically.

"Yeah, I would say Ben is a cute one. Why? You J.E.A.L.O.U.S?" Jason gave
Justin a little nudge.

"Why would I be, I'm the cutest guy in the world." Everyone rolled their
eyes at Justin, who didn't even respond.

"I'm sure you are...I'm sure you are." Even Jason had to laugh at how big
Justin's ego could be.

Jason looked around, watching people coming and going. Few people stayed
long, and fewer people even sat down. He glanced around at the people
sitting down, when he saw the person sitting almost directly opposite
him. At first the stranger just smiled, probably at the couple, Jason
smiled back, and then suddenly something caught his eye. He looked at the
stranger's lips, and he saw a small, almost indistinguishable scar on his
bottom right lip.  Jason's memory was jolted by the scar, and he
instictively looked up at the stranger's eyes.  He looked into the deep
brown eyes, and the stranger seemed to look back. Jason suddenly gasped,
slightly jumping, sending Justin out of his nap.

"What? what...hmmm, what happened?" Justin was still sleepy, and had NO
idea what just happened.

"Oh my God...It can't be." Jason was staring forward at something, and
Justin had no idea what.

"What? what can't be? what are you talking about Jason."

"It's....It's....Ollie......" It was as if the stranger heard, because he
got up and walked over to the couple and sat down in the seat infront of
them. Jason wasn't staring much anymore, his eyes seemed to begin filling
with tears as he looked at the person infront of him.

"I couldn't help but ask...but, um...Jason?"

"Ollie..." Jason nodded.

"How ya been? Its been ages since..." Ollie lost his words the moment he
remembered *that* day, "since you left us."

"I know..." Jason just had nothing to say, he didn't know WHAT to say. The
other guys were just sitting there and watching. Justin was still confused.

"I see you've found someone?"

"Yeah..." Jason seemed to lighten up a bit at the mention of Justin, "this
is Justin...Justin this is Ollie." The two greeted each other with
handshakes before sitting back down in their respective seats.

"Why did you leave?" Jason's head shot up the moment Ollie asked that.

"What?"

"You know what I mean...Why did you leave me? why did you leave us? you
didn't say where you were going, or even give us a number to contact
you...we thought, we thought you......" Ollie stutterred off into nothing.

"I told you why 3 years ago Ollie, i made it quite clear then what my
reasons were." Jason refused to look Ollie in the eye.

"Yes, that you did, but I also made it quite clear that I loved you too.
Wasn't that enough reason for you to stay? Wasn't that what you were
looking for?"

"Yes it was, but you told me too late, my decision was decided, and I
wasn't ready to change it because you decided to let me into your heart
then. I spent 3 months crying myself to sleep because I knew that we would
never be together. I spent those days fighting for everything that we
shared, I had to fight for even the chance to talk to you, or even see
you. I was in Hell during those 3 months."

"YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE! I WENT THROUGH HELL AS WELL! Ever since the day
you left, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I knew it was all my fault,
and I wasn't blaming anyone but myself, but I couldn't understand why you
could just walk away like that. How could you do something like that to all
your friends?"

"They were never my friends Ollie...none of them were, I knew it the moment
I saw their reaction from reading the letter."

"What about me? Was I ever your friend?"

"You were my friend, always was. But you were more, you could fill that
void I had in my heart, you could bring ease to my pain by just being
around. You could help me through the hardest blockades by being there."
Joey and Chris had decided to give them some privacy and had walked
away. JC and Lance remained, but they too were teary eyed.

"I remember that letter. It was so deep, I'm sorry I made fun of it. I just
didn't know what to do when I read it. Everyone seemed to take it so bad, I
didn't want them to know about me. I'm sorry." Ollie looked away,
remembering those days...those days that were so clear still.

"Sorry.......there's that word again, used so much, but does anyone ever
mean it? hardly," Jason looked up at Ollie questionally, "do YOU mean it?"

"Yes...I mean it."

"I hope you are, I truly hope you feel it in your heart. I was looking for
a reaction from YOU, not the others...it was YOU, i didn't care what the
others thought. It was YOUR reaction that made me make the decision."

The explantion seemed to stop at that, and it seemed as though the plane
was timed to arrive at that moment as well. Body guards had made their way
to the waiting area and was ready to escort them ALL to the
limos. Introductions were brief, because they were all to meet in the
studios anyway, to have a meeting. What caught Jason's eye was Ben, the
moment Jason saw him he felt as though he knew him, just didn't know from
where. Jason had made it his obligation to make himself known to A1's
manager and left Justin and Ollie.

"Um...Justin right?" The emotions were finally getting to Ollie.

"Yeah..."

"I was wondering...if...um, i could get Jason's number...i really want to
stay in contact with him..." Ollie handed Justin 2 cards, one with his
number on it, the other blank.

"Yeah sure," Justin quickly jotted down Jason's number on the blank card
and handed it to Ollie, "here."

"Thanx....i gotta head off now...it was nice meeting you." Ollie gave
Justin a quick hug and walked over to where Jason was. "Jase? i'm gonna be
heading off, it was nice chatting with ya, hope to see ya around." Ollie
pulled Jason into a hug, Jason almost broke down...he had longed for that
feeling for years, for someone to hold him, but he had Justin now. Just
before pulling away, Ollie whispered something to Jason, "I'll always love
you." He pulled away and walked off.

Management was always in a rush, they had been hurried to the studio,
bombarded with things that they needed to do before the tour, and then
bombarded with more stuff they didn't even need to know. Overall everyone
was exhausted, some from the plane trip, some from sheer boredom.

All of A1 were dead tired from the trip, and NEEDED to adjust to time
difference, so they decided to spend the rest of the day resting. Joey and
Chris had other ideas though, they always seemed energetic and hyper, and
suggested to go out for dinner and then head out to the clubs for the
remainder of the night. JC joined them, Lance refused because he had to get
some things sorted out for Free Lance, Jason and Justin also refused,
saying that they were too tired.

They spent the night at Justin's place. Justin was worried about Jason and
his moping during that day. Ever since they met Ollie, Jason was zoned out
or thinking. It was as if a whole new Jason had emerged, and the old one
gone. Justin wanted to help, but he didn't know how, and then he suddenly
remembered the card Ollie had given him.

"Jason...here." Justin stuck the card into Jason's hands and began walking
to his room.

"What's this?"

"A number...just call it."

"HUH? why?"

"Just call it ok. Talk to him and discuss everything. I'll be in my room,
tell me when you're done." With that Justin walked off, leaving Jason
behind with Ollie's number. Jason was debating over whether or not he
should call. His heart won in the end, and he picked up the phone. After a
few rings he decided that no-one was home, but just as he was about to hang
up, someone picked it up.

"Hello, Oliver speaking."

"Ollie...it's Jason."

-------------------------------

Oh i'm a bastard! hehe, i know what you think! sorry, but i couldn't type
anymore...i just had a writers block, and i have NO idea how to
continue....maybe in a day or so.  Gotta get my emotions in control....TOO
much to think about and TOO little time.

next chapter shouldn't take TOO long. hehe, sorry if this one was kinda
disappointing.