Date: Sun, 24 Dec 2000 04:29:52
From: M. F. Luder <jmfluder@hotmail.com>
Subject: A Different Christmas

Hi people!

Here's another short story. I thought a Christmas story would be nice, and
just came up with this idea. This is a one part story, so I truly don't
think there will be a sequel.

If any of you want to tell me something, feel free to write me at:
jmfluder@hotmail.com

I don't know them and I don't know their sexuality, this is just the product
of my over working imagination and the fact that I think Kevin and Nick make
a cute couple.

Now with the story...

A Different Christmas
By M. F. Luder

*****

"So, what are you guys planing on doing for the holidays?" asked Howie as he
looked around the room. The rest of the guys were spread in Kevin's living
room. They had been just hanging out the entire day, happy that they got
three days off for the holidays.

"Nothing much. I'm just gonna hang out here for a while, spend the holidays
with my mom probably. Been long enough since the last time I truly spend
some 'quality' time with her." Stated AJ. With the tour and the promotional
stuff, the most he had gotten with Denise had been about half an hour. It
had been a miracle that Kevin had gotten them three days off. Usually they
would work even in the holidays.

"D, you're going to the 'rents, right?" Kevin was used to knowing exactly
were the guys were heading, just in case it was needed. He hoped that this
next days each one of them would be able to just veg out. If anything that
was 'his' plan.

Howie nodded. "Yep. I'll probably be doing some serious baby sitting, making
up for all the time I couldn't on the road. Guess I'll have to tend the kids
at the dinner, but hey, all for the good grace, right?" he finished with a
grin.

AJ threw a pillow a his older friend. "Accept it D, you melt when those kids
call you 'Uncle Howie'. You'll probably die from emotion when you have your
own kids."

Howie smiled sheepishly. He knew AJ was right, he loved kids and couldn't
wait to have some of his own.

The blond man looked at the room with his friends. Even thought they spend
24/7 together on tour, he couldn't believe it'd be estrange to be away from
them three days in a row. He'd most certainly miss them like crazy.

'One specially.' His mind murmured.

He had to sighed, it was right. Over the past few years he had come to see
his older friend in a different light. Appreciation and friendship didn't
define his feelings for the older man any more. It seemed to futile to even
try to describe his emotions every time he saw him, every time he smiled at
him. So many years together as friends and he couldn't believe something had
developed from there. But what bothered him the most was the fact that he
had to keep it a secret. What would he think about it? What would the rest
of the group think about it?

"What about you Nick?"

The nineteen year old was brought back from his reverie by his friend's
voice, smiling at him, he answered. "Going to the folks as well. I've been
dyeing to see Aaron and the girls for some time now."

Kevin nodded. It was exactly what he had thought their plans would be, but
you couldn't help checking out one more time. "Brian and I are heading to
Lexington. Having Christmas with the whole clan."

"Where are you staying? At Ann's or Jackie's?" wondered AJ as he gave a
glance at his younger friend. He could see he was fairly upset, sad. He knew
exactly what it was about, but couldn't understand why there wasn't anything
to be done about it.

"Actually, it's mom's turn. We'll probably stay at her house." Answered the
younger Kentucky cousin. Both his mom and Kevin's mom would take turns on
the holidays to be the center of the Richardson's and Littrell's gatherings.
It was a lot easier than just one of them having to take care of all the
occasions.

"Uh! Jackie is gonna have a blast! Get to see both Kentucky cousins at the
same time!"

"Cut it out AJ! It's the very same with you. Don't you think Denise isn't
dyeing to see her 'little boy'" answered back Kevin. If anything he could
tease well as anyone when he wanted to. Sure, it wasn't in his nature to do
that, but then again, you have to be bold from time to time, don't you?

The group's resident wild child send Kevin a 'death glare' and hoped he'd
stay quiet, it'd be a lot easier to tease his younger cousin. "Very funny
Train. What happened? You asked for sense of humor to Santa?" his voice in a
mocking tone, making sure that he'd know it was only a joke.

"Watch it out Bone, I can always tell Fatima of the sundaes you had every
night during the last tour. You know she'd make you dance to death." Finally
checking each one's room's account served of something.

"You wouldn't!"

"Try me." his eyes narrowed slightly, his piercing green eyes taking a
darker color. He most certainly would.

"Ok. Ok, you win." He finished the conversation with a sigh. He'd have to be
more careful in the future.

The older man smiled victoriously. He'd never do it, but it was fun to see
him squirm around. He was sure that if Fatima ever find out, she'd make him
practice to a slow and painful death.

*****

All five of the guys stood in the VIP lounge room in the airport. They had
settled their flights to leave around the same time, so they could say
goodbye all at once. Even though neither AJ nor Howie had to take a flight,
they were there to see their friends depart safety.

/Flight 1013 to Lexington, Kentucky boarding at Gate 4/ the cold voice said
over the intercom.

The guys looked at each other, knowing that it was time for them to say
their goodbyes as Kevin and Brian were about to departure.

AJ stood up and walked over where Brian was, hugging him tightly, he
whispered. "Call us, we need to talk."

The younger Kentucky cousin looked at him and nodded. "Merry Christmas
Bone."

"Merry Christmas Brian."

Howie proceeded to walked over to the oldest band member and hugged him.
"Don't stress too much Kev. Try to relax a little." He said with a smile.

Smiling back, Kevin nodded. "I'll try, but I can't promise anything. Merry
Christmas Howie."

"Merry Christmas Kevin." Howie said before moving over to say his goodbye to
Brian.

Nick stood silently watching the scene unfold before his eyes. He wanted to
say them goodbye as well, but he felt somehow uncomfortable around the rest
of the guys. He'd have loved to be able to talk with Kevin privately, even
if it was for just a moment.

The blond man didn't moved as he watched AJ walking over to Kevin and wished
him Merry Christmas while Howie did the same with Brian. When Howie moved
apart from Brian, Nick walked over his best friend and hugged him tightly.
"Enjoy the vacations B. Merry Christmas."

Smiling at his younger friend, Brian nodded. "I will. You too, Nick. Merry
Christmas kiddo."

Nick turned to look at Kevin, he was talking quietly with AJ probably about
Kevin telling the younger man not to get in much trouble while he was away.
His eyes lingered to the tall figure of the person who had meant so much for
him over the last years. Kevin had been everything to him since he was 12,
when the group first started. Kevin, being the oldest of them all, had taken
upon the responsibility of everything that concerned the group and the guys
themselves. The way Kevin handle management and even them when they were
behaving slightly obnoxious still amazed him. Nick had been a silly and
innocent kid back then, all he wanted to do was just sing, not actually
worrying about the business.

He still remember the way Kevin had introduced himself in the first meeting.
It had been just AJ, Howie and him till then, when the dark haired man had
made his appearance. His first impression had been utter fear towards him.
Nick was barely 5"4' back then against Kevin imposing 6"1' figure. His
confidence and self security evident from the first time. However his
opinion had changed dramatically when words left his mouth. It seemed as if
he knew exactly how to talk with each person. He was calm and control when
he introduced to Howie, slightly joking with AJ, but completely tender with
Nick.

He had to smile at the memory. The older man had kneeled in front of the
goofy blond kid and his sapphire green eyes met the young's baby blues. His
voice had been so soft and tender, Nick had been surprised it was from the
same person he had been quiet afraid of earlier that moment.

'I'm Kevin. What's your name?' he had questioned.

'Nick.' His voice barely audible, as he was still a little afraid of him.

Putting out his hand for the younger man to shake. 'It's a pleasure meeting
you Nick.'

The twelve year old kid only nodded.

That person had changed his life so very much it just couldn't be summed up
in words. He had been all there was for Nick. Kevin had taken the position
of surrogate father for him and the rest of the guys. He was the one that
would help him with homework when he was totally lost in it. He was the one
that would cuddle up with him in his bed when he felt homesick and only
wanted his mother with him. He was the one that taught him all there was to
know about life and love, about family and friends. He was his father, big
brother, mentor and friend.

And at some point he had fallen in love with him.

When had it happened? When had he stopped seeing Kevin as his 'big brother'
and started seeing him as the most beautiful and incredible man he had ever
met? When had he start analyzing and capturing every single movement of the
dark haired mad and holding it in a secret and special place in his heart?

He didn't know.

Something had changed within him and he didn't know how or why. But now,
after accepting it and embracing it, he was glad it had. The one he loved
was with him almost every hour of every day. He could see him, and hug him
and just be with him as much as he wanted to. Even though not in the deeper
level he wish he could, but he had learned to settle for just his friendship
a long time ago.

His eyes focused on Kevin, trying to memorize everything about it. Afraid
that something might change during their time apart, something might just
vanish. Every little thing about him was capture by his baby blue eyes and
cherished deeply. The way his dark spiky moved as his head crocked slightly.
The way his eyes sparkled with love and wisdom as he talked with the young
man as he asked him to make some good out of their free time. The way he
would smile that half crocked-half hearted smile of his.

He didn't even realized he had walked over there. One second he was just
staring at the object of his affection, the next one he was standing right
in front of him. With a shy smile on his lips, he looked at the sea green
pool that were his angel's eyes.

Kevin turned around and found himself looking at the most beautiful baby
blue eyes he had ever seen. He was mermecized by them in a minute, getting
lost in its depth. Seeing the small smile on his younger friend, he couldn't
help but smile himself.

They looked at each other and nothing else existed for that moment. Not the
guys next to them, not the airport they were in, not even the knowledge that
they'd have to spend the next three days away from each other. Nothing else
matter but their love.

Without actually realizing it, both men walked over to each other and held
in a tight embrace. Nick closed his eyes and let his senses take over,
marveling at the touch of Kevin's body against his, the smell of Kevin's
skin and cologne, the sound of Kevin's even breathing, and the feel of
Kevin's breath against his ear. He felt like he was experiencing a sensory
overload, and he couldn't get enough of it. He wanted that minute to last
forever, but knew that it wasn't meant to be.

Kevin held his younger friend in a tight grip. Having Nick in his arms made
his heart skip a beat. It's been so long since the last time they had held
each other like this. Sure, there were brotherly hugs, but small ones. Or an
arm around his shoulders during a photo shoot, but nothing so deep and
meaningful like this. He wanted - needed - to feel him closer, to have him
in his arms until time stood still and eternity ended.

The rest of the group looked at each other then at both their band members
hugging each other like the rest of the world had stopped just for them.
They felt horrible just by interrupting them in something that was -
obviously - something very private and important to each other.

As they heard the electronic voice calling out /Flight 1013 to Lexington,
Kentucky boarding at Gate 4. Last call/, they didn't have another choice but
to pull apart.

With heavy heart, Nick untangled himself from the sweet embrace that was his
love's arms. He could feel tears threatening to fall in the back of his baby
blues, forcing himself to remain calm until both the man he loved and his
best friend left for their destination. Not knowing how to look at Kevin, he
focused his gaze on his feet.

Kevin felt Nick pulling away from him, and couldn't help but feel his own
heart sore at the knowledge that this was his future: loving someone and
never being answered. He sighed. Looking at his younger friend and the
keeper of his heart, he realized that Nick wasn't happy either. Placing his
fingertips in his chin, he lifted his head so he was able to look at the
most beautiful baby blues he had ever seen.

"Nick?" his voice so very soft, like when they first met.

Nick swallowed hard. Whenever Kevin would talk with him in his tender-soft
voice, he'd feel melting right there and there. He could even see confusion
and concern in his stunning green eyes. Not knowing how else to answer his
older friend, he said the first - and the most accurate - thing that came to
  his mind at the moment. "Merry Christmas Kevin." He whispered.

"Merry Christmas Nicky." He answered back. He would have loved to say
something else, something more meaningful, but he couldn't. Hugging the
younger man once again, even if it was just for a second, he smiled at him
and turned around.

Nick sighed as he felt the most comforting arms he could have ever imagine
leaving him twice in just a couple of minutes. He would miss him. Hell, he
could miss him even when he was just two rooms away! And now, that he was
leaving for three whole days, he couldn't imagine how he was gonna live
without his sea green eyes and his protective arms.

Both Kevin and Brian smiled at their friends before leaving the room and
walking over to their gate. Brian stood silent through their way, knowing
perfectly fine Kevin wasn't in the mood for chattering. The younger man
sighed. He wished he could do something to help his older cousin but, after
a lot of thinking, they had come up with the decision that the best would be
for them to decide themselves. If only both his best friend and cousin
weren't so blind.

Arriving at the gate, Kevin showed the lady his ticket and proceeded to
enter. However he couldn't help but turn around one last time searching for
the one he loved. To his very own surprise, Nick stood by the door of the
VIP lounge room, looking right back at him. Flashing him half a smile, he
turned around once more and walked into the plane that would fly him away
from his love.

This action didn't go unnoticed to Brian. He needed to talk with both his
cousin and his friends. AJ had even told him to call him. He would, he most
certainly would. As soon as he got to his mother's house, he was planning on
calling both him and Howie.

Nick stepped away from the door as he saw both Kevin and Brian disappearing
into the hallway that joined the airport with the plane. Walking over to one
of the chairs, he sat there and started pouting. Sure, it wouldn't do much
good, but he didn't have many options left either.

Howie gazed at Nick, then at AJ and then back at Nick. He felt so bad for
his 'little brother'. Feeling AJ's hand on his shoulder, they both walked
over to the other side of the room and proceeded to sit down, neither of
them wanting to disturb their younger friend.

AJ sighed. It was like from the three of them, he was the most frustrated
about this situation. "Howie..."

"I know what you're gonna say J, but we can't. We decided it like that."
Howie interjected.

"No, you and Brian decided it like that. I still want to tell them."

Howie turned around and looked at his younger friend. "I want this just as
much as you do."

"Somehow I don't believe that."

Before Howie could say something else, the voice through the intercom was
heard.

/Flight 1121 to Los Angeles, California boarding at Gate 7/

Nick sighed as he heard his call. He had to leave and there was nothing he
could do about it. Walking over to where his friends stood, he hugged them
both.

"Take care guys. Merry Christmas."

Howie nodded. "You too kiddo. Say hi to Jane from me. Merry Christmas."

AJ looked at Howie, then at Nick. "We'll see you in three days Nicky. Merry
Christmas."

Smiling at them, Nick turned around and was about to leave the room when
AJ's voice made him look at him.

"Nick! Just... don't feel to bad about--"

However before he could finish his sentence, Howie nudged him on the
stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Nick looked at both of them in
confusion, not really know what was going on with his friends.

Howie smiled sheepishly at his younger friend. "Forget Bone, he's nuts. He
just wanted to tell you not to miss us too much. Hugs the kids from us, will
ya?"

Nick nodded and proceeded to leave the lounging room. Still he couldn't
shake the feeling of loneliness knowing that it would be three days before
seeing Kevin once again. He sighed, he loved his family dearly, but was
gonna miss the older man just as much.

When Nick was out of sight, Howie glared at AJ. "What did you think you were
doing!?"

"I had to tell him. I had to let him know we knew about it... at least it
would help."

"We can't do that. They have to decide on their own."

"Do you truly think they haven't decided yet? Didn't you see how they were
hugging?" If they didn't know about their love, then they would have
certainly found out about it when Nick and Kevin were hugging.

The older man nodded. "I know, I know. We'll have to talk about this once
again."

"I told Brian to call us. We need to do something Howie, we need to."

Howie looked at his younger friend for a moment. He was right. This had to
change. And soon.

*****

Brian looked at his older cousin sitting by his side in the plane. They had
been in the air for almost twenty minutes already and Kevin hadn't said
anything yet, something that was starting to worry him. He knew Kevin was
feeling specially down at the moment, knowing he was gonna be away from the
young blond for three whole days.

The younger cousin sighed. How many times had he seen Kevin get depressed
when Nick would leave the room? He had known Kevin was in love with his best
friend for about two months now, but had always thought his love was
unanswered, until he talked about it with AJ and Howie.

Both of them had realized that Kevin was definitely falling in love with
their younger band member, and about two weeks later, they had come across
the realization that Nick was in love with Kevin just as much. The three of
them had talked thoughtfully about it and had decided that the best was to
let both of them work things out on their own. However Brian was staring to
feel his conviction disintegrate so very slowly while seeing his beloved
cousin hurting.

He had to talk with both AJ and Howie about it. They had to talk about it
and probably change their decision.

Kevin looked out of the window for what seemed the nth time in the last
twenty minutes. He knew he should be happy going back home to his mother and
brother. And he was. But he was also feeling incredibly miserable not being
able to be with his love. Sure, even when they were both together, it was
just in a brotherly manner, but something was better than nothing.

Nothing. Nothing was his future. He was in love with someone who would never
feel the same way and there was no way of changing it. He'd die before
actually telling Nick about his feelings. He had come to that decision a
long time ago and he wasn't planing on changing it just now. He'd do
anything for the Nick's happiness and that meant falling in love and being
with a nice young girl, not him.

The older man could feel the tears threatening in his eyes. He closed his
eyes tightly and forced himself to stay calm. He couldn't cry, not in that
moment and most certainly not there, not with his cousin by his side. The
last thing he needed was Brian pampering him about his actions and the
reason of his tears. The last thing he wanted was telling him how deeply in
love he was with his best friend and their younger band member. How much it
hurt knowing Nick didn't love him back, seeing him smiling at a younger
girl, blushing when one of the guys would tease him about why he didn't
bring one of the girls to his room. It hurt so deeply and he didn't want to
have to say that to Brian and heard him curse at him just for falling in
love with the wrong person. And it wasn't the 'wrong person' for him, it was
the perfect and most lovable person he had ever met, but for the society
and, as much as he regret it, his very own family it *was* the wrong person.

That was one of the reasons why Kevin hadn't told anyone about it. Not only
because he still find it pointless to talk about it knowing his love was
unanswered, but also because he was scared of their reaction. The one who
scared him the most was his very own cousin. They had both been taught that
homosexuality was a sin and now he was in love with a guy. What would Brian
think? The yelling and cursing could be heard in the back of his mind, words
like fag, queer and pervert ringing in his hears. He couldn't tell them, not
like that. Now when there was no future for his love.

Closing his eyes, he forced himself not to think about it. He'd see his
family soon enough. The last thing he needed was being down when he saw
them.

*****

Nick looked at the ceiling of his room in his parents house. He had been
laying down on his bed for the past two hours and he was still feeling down.

When he had arrived, he'd been thrilled about seeing his brother and sisters
after all this time. They had talked and chat like there was no tomorrow.
His mother had asked him if something was wrong, seeing him kinda out of it.
He had said it was just tiredness and it'd wear off in a while.

But it wasn't like that. He'd have to have dinner with his family that night
and pretend everything was just fine when it wasn't. He'd go to bed early
knowing the family tradition of opening the presents the morning after
Christmas and would force a smile on his face for his siblings. When all he
wanted was talked with Kevin and tell him just much he loved him. Just how
much he wanted both of them to be together until time stood still and
eternity cease to exist.

The young blond sighed and tried to keep the tears in his eyes. How many
years had he spend Christmas eve on his bed prodding about 'what could be
like being with Kevin'? How many years had he had hoped and prayed that the
next year something 'might' just happened between the two of them? But it
never changed. Night after night he thought the same thing. Either in his
parent's house, or in his own house or in some hotel room during the tour.
It was always the same and nothing would ever change.

Why should it change anyway? Nick was a kid at heart. A big kid. There was
nothing for him to offer to Kevin. It had been pointless back when he had
realized he had more than brotherly feelings for his oldest bandmate, and it
was pointless now. Kevin was so different than him.

Kevin painstakingly planned out *everything*, while Nick was the goofy guy
of the group, spontaneity was his middle name. Kevin was always a neat
freak, 'a place for everything and everything in its place' was his motto,
Nick was messy by nature. Kevin knew their schedule better than management
themselves, Nick sometimes forgot what city they were in. Nick had a
horrible temper, even though he was always calm, while with Kevin you could
count on one hand the times he had yelled at them (and the older man had
always been right about whatever it was he was yelling them about). Nick
didn't think twice about stuff, Kevin worried too much about everything and
everyone.

They were the opposite sides of the world. North pole and south pole. Black
and white. So why should Kevin have feelings for him? Kevin was so very
handsome, he could have any body. Men or women. He had seen the kind of girl
Kevin liked: long legs, beautiful eyes, blond hair and striking figure. But
intelligent too. Nick had once talked with Kevin and he had told him that he
couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't have their own ideas,
with whom he couldn't have a good conversation. That was the kind of woman
he was gonna choose to marry one day.

And Nick.... well, Nick was anything *but* that.

*****

Kevin sighed. He was siting on the recliner by the Christmas tree on his
aunt's living room. Both him and Brian had arrived about two hours ago.
After greeting his family and placing their Christmas gifts under the tree,
he had gotten out the book he was reading and sat to continue where he had
left it. The fireplace was burning slightly ought to the cold wind blowing
through the house. It looked like it was gonna be white Christmas in
Lexington this year, as the snow flakes kept falling by the minute.

He had been on the same page of the book for the last half an hour, and for
the life of him, he couldn't even remember what it said. He just kept
looking through the window, the front yard covered in snow and the promise
of a nice Christmas night.

His mother and his aunt were on the kitchen, finishing the last touches for
the Christmas dinner that very same night. Both his brothers and probably
even Harold, Brian's older brother, were on the back yard, playing with the
kids and having fun. Brian had left a little while a go to call Leighanne,
who was in California with her family. He was missing her like crazy and
couldn't wait till the next day when she'll be flying over. He sighed once
again. If only he could have that, someone to love and who loved him just as
much. Feeling the tears threatening to fall, he decided he better change his
line of thought, otherwise he was gonna have to answer too many questions.

As Brian walked down the stairs, he saw his older cousin sitting by the
window looking plain down miserable. It was Christmas and it was supposed to
be a happy time, but he couldn't be happy with Kevin like that.

"What's with him?" asked a voice from behind.

Brian turned around to see aunt Ann, Kevin's mother, standing to a side
looking at her son with worried eyes. She was cleaning her hands with a dish
towel and her shinning green eyes showed him just how much she knew about
the situation.

"He's been like that for a while now." He said truthfully. Even if he
couldn't actually tell her why her younger son was mopping around, he was
planning on letting her know that her son was very much in love... but the
name of the object of his affection was to remain a mystery until Kevin
himself decided on coming out to them.

Nodding slowly, she placed her arm around his nephew's shoulder. "And you
wouldn't happen to know why, would you?"

The younger man smiled sheepishly. "I truly don't know." He lied through his
teeth.

Ann gave him a knowingly smile before speaking. "I have three sons Brian.
I've been with them most of their lives and I can recognize the pain of
unanswered love anywhere. Now the only question is who that person is?"

Brian remained silent. Ok, Ann knew half the truth. But how was she to react
to the news that her younger son was in love with a man. A man she knew very
well.

Turning both of the around, as the walked over to the back yard were the
rest of the family and the kids were having a blast with the snow, she
continued her speech. "I wished I could do something for him, but I just
don't know what. I was thinking maybe you knew something I didn't." As Brian
didn't say anything, she decided to be bold and just asked. "You think Nick
feels the same way?"

He was sure his eyes might have looked like flying saucers after what he had
just heard. She knew about Kevin's feelings for Nick! Not only did she knew,
but she seemed comfortable with them. "Wh... What?" Brian stuttered.

Smiling at her young nephew, Ann just looked outside where his other two
sons were playing with their children and his older nephew Harold was
playing with his children as well. "I may be old Brian, but I'm certainly
not blind. I've seen the way Kevin looks at Nick when we're all together."
Turning around, her dazzling green eyes met the still surprised blue ones of
the young man. "He loves him, doesn't him?"

Knowing better than to denied, he nodded mutely. "I think he has for a while
now. And with the fact that we're staying here for another two days, Kevin's
been kinda sad."

Grinning to herself, she nodded as well. She had realized about her son's
feelings for the young blond the year before, when all the guys got together
on the 26th for a 'Backstreet Christmas' and Kevin just couldn't take his
eyes of the kid. She had been surprised at the beginning, not knowing what
to do or how to react at the knowledge that her younger son was gay. But
upon seeing both of them talking quietly while keeping an eye on the kids
that run through the house and the smile that had graced her young son's
features ought to the time he was spending with the one he loved, she knew
she couldn't feel anything but happiness for her son as he had found 'the
one' for him. And if his soulmate was in a man's body, then she'd just have
to deal with it, for she was not planning on hurting him by thinking any
less of him.

"Yeah, I kinda saw that back when he arrived. Back to my first question, do
you think Nick feels the same way?"

Brian sighed. "Actually, I think he does." He answered quietly.

Ann turned to look at his nephew, surprised at his response. "He does? How
do you know?"

"AJ, Howie and I talked about it about two months ago. Then, well, we kinda
saw that Nick feels the same way. The looks he gives to Kevin when they
talk, how the air gets caught in his throat when Kevin walks into the room,
little things like that."

"But you haven't told Kevin." She half questioned, half stated.

Brian shook his head. "We talked about it and thought that the best would be
for them to decide themselves. That's why we didn't tell them."

Ann sighed. "I just hope one of them has the guts to talk with the other. I
hate seeing Kevin like this."

*****

Picking up a dish cloth that stood close by, Nick started drying the dishes
that his mother was washing. Christmas dinner had just finished and his
siblings had been send to their beds. His father had gone to bed early as
well, too tired after playing with his children. His mother, as usual, was
going to clean the table, but Nick had offered to help.

Most of the night had been very nice, if it wasn't for the fact that from
time to time, he'd feel sad not being able to spend the holidays with his
love.

Sighing, he kept moving his hand in slow and round movements over the piece
of china.

Jane Carter kept a close eye on his oldest son. "You really miss him, don't
you?"

Nick was brought from his reverie by his mother's voice. The words seemed to
crumble on his mind as they started making sense. "What?"

Jane laughed at his son. "Do you really think I'm that blind Nick? You
really miss him."

The young blonde's mouth was hanging open, not believing what he had just
heard. He tried to articulate words, but his mind was numb. How? When? Too
many questions running through his head to be able to choose just one and
stick with it.

"I've known you love him for a while now Nick. I wish you had told me
sooner."

"Mom I..." he started, but didn't really know what to say. She seemed fine
with it and he was still surprised at this revelation.

"I kinda understand why you didn't tell me, but still. I thought you trusted
me more than that." Her voice was calm and soft, not wanting to scare her
son, but reassure him.

Looking at the floor, Nick answered. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but
was afraid of your reaction. Besides what good could come from it if nothing
is ever going to happen between the two of us."

Placing her fingertips on her son's chin, Jane lifted his face so she was
able to gaze right at his beautiful baby blues. "I would never think less of
you Nick. You're my son, if you're in love with someone who makes you as
happy as he does, then it's fine with me. And Kevin is a great boy."

Nick could feel tears in the brim of his eyes. His mother was fine with it.
She was fine with it and even happy he had fallen for Kevin. Closing the
space between them, he engulfed her in a tight hug. "Thanks mom, you have no
idea how much this means to me. Thanks."

Holding her song close to her chest, just like so many times when he was
just a kid, she couldn't help but shed a few tears herself.

Pulling away from her, Nick had to ask one question. "How did you know?"

She looked at him and gave him a smile. "Do you remember last year when we
were all together for Christmas? You were beaming every time you talk with
him. That smile that came upon your lips when you either saw him or talk
with him... I just knew. I was hoping you'd tell me during the year,
specially that the two of you were together. Guess neither of my wishes came
true, right?"

Nick shook his head sadly. "Nothing is gonna happen mom. He doesn't swing
that way, so to speak. He'd never feel the same for me."

Lifting his head once more, she asked. "And how are you gonna know if you
don't ask him? You have to do something Nick, you've been miserable today
just being away from him. Please, you have to talk with him."

"Mom..."

"Nick, I know it might sound easier than it actually is, but you have to
talk with him. Who knows, maybe he is in the same dilemma you are in." She
tried to cheer him up giving him a small smile, promise in it.

He looked at her thoughtfully, not really knowing what to do. He had debated
about telling him more than once, but had always came upon the conclusion
that he'd never feel the same. 'But what if he does?' the question kept
ringing through his ears. What if?

"I'll talk with him when we get together after the holidays." He decided
with a smile. He was gonna risk it all, but if the outcome was positive,
then it was gonna be worth it; if it wasn't... then not only would he die of
embarrassment, but he'd most probably loose a very good friend as well.

"After the holidays? Nick, you have to tell him right away!" She was very
happy for her son. He'd finally chosen the right answer. Now, it was only a
matter of waiting and hoping that Kevin felt the same way, otherwise her son
was gonna be devastated.

"Now? Mom, I can't. He's in Lexington and this is something I can't do over
the phone." As much as he wanted to talk with Kevin now that he actually got
the guts to do it, he couldn't do it in such an impersonal way as the phone.
It just wasn't right.

"Then go to Lexington! Nick." Placing both her hands on either side of his
face, so he was looking right into her eyes, so very similar than his very
own, she continued. "You are in pain just by being away from him. If you
have a chance to change that, to be happy with him, then, please, take it.
Go there and speak with him. You own it to yourself and even to him, if
there is something worth fighting for."

Tears once again in his eyes, he nodded numbly. He couldn't believe his
mother could feel his pain just like her own. He was in pain, in so much
pain he couldn't believe he had gotten through the dinner without shedding a
couple of tears himself. He would go. He'd go and see if there was actually
a chance for both of them.

Embracing her one more time, he pulled away and kiss her forehead. "Thanks
mom. Thanks for all." Giving her a small smile and with a new determination
now, he dropped the wash cloth he still had in his hands, he turned around
to leave the house.

"Wait!" her mom called out. Nick turned around and looked at her. She half
run over to the kitchen counter on the other side of the kitchen and picked
up a key chain. Throwing them at him, she smiled. "Take you father's car."

Nodding at her, he turned around and left the house.

Jane heard the main door close and smiled. She was praying to God that
everything turned out fine.

"He went for him." She heard a voice from behind her.

She turned around to see who it was. Her husband, on his pjs, stood there
leaning against the kitchen door that opened to the hallway. A smile was on
his lips and his eyes were shinning with love.

"I didn't know you could convince him." Bob Carter said as he walked over to
his wife and held her close. "You did good."

"I just hope Kevin feels the same." She said as she placed both her arms
around his waist and settled her head on the crook of his neck. "I just want
him to be happy."

"He will." Bob stated as he looked through the kitchen door at the main
door, door his son had just walked through in hopes to change his future.
"I'm sure he will."

Jane nodded against his husband's neck, praying for his son to find what he
was looking for.

*****

Opening the car door forcefully, he got in and started the engine. Nick
increased the speed of the car, steadily going way past the speed limit. He
barely flinched when he made a violent turn, honked at a slow driver, cut
lanes and went straight past a red light, just missed hitting another car.
He had to get to the airport as soon as possible. Before his courage and
determination left him.

'I'm on my way Kevin. Please, just wait for me.' he thought with a smile as
he parked on the airport.

*****

Brian closed the door of his room and walked over to his bed. Christmas
dinner had finished a couple of hours ago and everyone had gone their own
way. His parents where in their room, knowing that tomorrow they were gonna
have an early start, since the kids were going to want to wake up as soon as
possible to open their presents. His aunt Ann was asleep as well. His
brother and wife were in the living room along with Jerald, Tim and Tim's
wife. The children were fast asleep, knowing that the sooner they all sleep,
the sooner next morning was gonna come.

Kevin. Kevin had left a little while ago, saying that he wanted to walk for
a while. The younger Kentucky cousin sighed. Kevin had been slightly fine
during the dinner, even though he had barely said a word unless there was a
question directed to him. He was in pain and the whole family had realized
that, even though they haven't asked the question aloud, knowing better than
to get in Kevin's life. The only ones who knew the reason to Kevin's glumly
mood were himself and Ann.

He was still a little bit shocked at the fact that his aunt knew about Kevin
loving Nick. And she was fine with it. Well, there were some things better
not to question, specially if it is for your own benefic.

He glanced at his watch, it was a little over eleven, the rest of the guys
should be up due to time different. Picking up the phone, he knew he had
phone call to make. Dialing the already known number, Brian waited three
rings until someone picked up on the other side.

/Talk to me./ A voice said through the line.

Brian smiled, classical Bone. "AJ, it's me."

/Rok, good to talk with ya. Hold on a sec, I'm gonna make a three way./ AJ
said as he picked up the cordless phone and dialed the appropriate numbers
for a three-way call

- Hello.

/Howie! How are ya bro, I've got Brian here. Hope I didn't got you in a bad
time/ His dinner with his mother had finished about half an hour ago, now
she was watching something on the tv, wanting to give him some alone time.

"Hey Howie!" greeted the younger Kentucky cousin.

- Hey B! It's ok J, dinner is over.

Taking a deep breath, AJ brought up the subject they knew they had to talk
about. /I think its time we talk./

Brian nodded, even though he knew the guys couldn't see him. "You're right.
Somehow I'm sure we should reconsider our decision, don't you think."

- After what we saw on the airport, I'm ready to change my vote.

/I know what you mean Howie, those two are just too blind not to see that
they love each other. There's got to be something we can do. I'm not
planning on letting them be this miserable any longer./

"And you haven't even seen Kevin today. He's been sulking all day long and
even Ann notice. And, get this guys, she knows." Brian hold the receiver
away from his ear, anticipating their reaction.

-/WHAT?!?!/ they both questioned at the same time.

/You're kidding, right B? You have to be kidding./ Said AJ, even though it
seemed as if he was talking to himself and not with the guys.

"I'm not Bone. I'm not kidding. She told me to today that she knew Kevin was
in love with Nick. I was as surprised as you two."

- How did she find out? - questioned Howie as he walked around the living
room. His family had finished dinner about two hours ago and the kids were
playing on the backyard with the rest either talking or just keeping an eye
on them

"She said she saw it last year. Kevin was looking at Nick with puppy dog
eyes or something like it."

/Is she fine with it? The last thing Train needs is her quoting Exodus on
him./

"She seemed fine, didn't say anything out of the charts."

/Ok, back to our first question. Are we gonna tell them?/ AJ had been
wanting to tell both of them, not only that three of them knew about their
feelings, but also that they suspect the other felt the same way.

- I think you're right on that Bone, they are way too down for my taste. We
should at least talk with one of them and see what happens.

"You're right Howie, I hate seeing Kevin like this." Brian walked over to
the window and looked through it. His room had a nice view of the backyard
and the stable. The dim light provided by the street lights at either side
of the field illuminated the gardens and the stable.

/So, when do we talk with them?/ If it had been for AJ, they would have told
them back when they just found out.

- What about after the holidays? This is something we can't talk through the
phone.

"You're right, better after the holidays. Who do we talk to first?"

- What about Kevin? See what he thinks and maybe convince him to talk with
Nick. Brian, do you think he'll agree?

"You know how stubborn Kevin is, I'm sure he's settle for being alone for
the rest of his life, thinking something alone the lines that Nick would
never feel the same way. But we can always try." Looking at the stable, he
couldn't believe his older brother still ride. He hadn't ride since he was a
kid and would most certainly fall if he tried now. But Kevin love riding and
would do it as often as he could. Just then he saw him walking through the
fields, on his way to the stable. 'So there you were Kevin' he thought to
himself. 'At least you're not sulking in your room'

/Hopefully we'll be able to change his mind. That tick skull of his needs
some corrosive, don't you think?/ AJ asked with half a smile, knowing that
the guys would understand he was only joking.

- I don't think that could even work... he's so very bull headed.

"Thanks God it doesn't run in the family." Brian stated grinning at the
thought of him acting like Kevin. Nope, he was way too meticulous and
serious, it is better just having one of them in the family and Brian didn't
fit the requirements.

/Keep believing that Brian, and with some heavenly help, you won't turn into
a crazy old man./ AJ chuckle.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. So very funny Bone." He saw Kevin getting in the stable and
smiled to himself. 'Look at the horses and just calm down Kevin, you'll be
happy soon enough' he thought tenderly.

*****

Kevin walked into the stable and started to look around. He had been walking
around the house and through the huge yard for the past hour hoping he'd be
able to relax enough to enjoy the next day and not as he had been during the
dinner. He hated feeling so bad when he was with his family, but there
wasn't much he could do about it.

Walking over to one of his older cousin's horses, the one Kevin care for the
most, he patter her nose.

"How are you Penelope? Does Harold ride you often enough? I wished I could
ride you." He said softly, as he kept running his fingers through her mane.
"I'll ride you tomorrow, ok? It's already dark and Harold would kill me if
he found out I was riding you this late."

Holding the horse's head in both his hands, he placed his forehead against
her forelock. "I wish you could help me." He sighed. "I miss him, you know.
I'm not gonna see him for only two more days, but I'm still missing him."

Feeling his eyes brimming with tears, as usually happened whenever he
thought of his love, he didn't stop them this time. He'd have time to pull
himself together before heading back to the house. "I love him so much
Penelope, so much. And he doesn't even know I exist. Sure, we're friends and
everything, but nothing else." Sniffling, he continued. "It's silly, I know.
I've been telling myself the same thing for the past two years, but I can't
change what I feel."

Pulling away just enough for him to see the horse's brown eyes, he spoke.
"Do you think he'd hate me if I told him? What about Brian or the rest of
the guys, do you think they'd hate me?"

Placing his forehead as he had before, Kevin continued his confidence. "Even
if the wouldn't hate me, I don't think I could tell him, he'd feel awkward
with me, and I don't want that." Letting the tears fall freely through his
perfectly sculpted cheeks, he forced himself to keep a steady breathing, as
he was starting to hiccup after letting out everything he had had bolted
inside. "Did you know that I had never said this aloud. I'd always think
about it, but never really say the words." Taking a deep breath, he prepared
himself to say something he had known for a long time, but had never had the
need to actually say the words. "I'm in love with Nick."

"You are?" a voice asked from behind.

Turning around, afraid someone had heard his heartfelt confession, Kevin
focused on the outlined of the person standing by the stable's doors. As the
person took two steps forward, so he was under the light, he gasped. "Nick?"

The tall blond started walking slowly over to his older band member, hoping
not to scare him as he had just a second ago. He knew he shouldn't have
heard Kevin's confession, but when he had gotten to Brian's house, Nick had
seen him walking into the stables and had followed. As he was about to
speak, Kevin had started talking to the horse and Nick couldn't help but
smile at the silliness of it, then, suddenly, the conversation had change
from his plan on riding her the next day to his deepest feelings. Nick just
stood there, listening to Kevin opening his heart to a horse instead of one
of the guys, or Brian himself.

"I'm sorry I heard, I shouldn't have." Nick apologize as the space between
him and Kevin was barely two feet.

"How much did you hear?" Kevin was barely able to get out. Nick had heard
him, even if he hadn't been there for long, he had heard his last words and
that was enough for him to know the truth. His tears had stopped falling
shortly after he had seen Nick, trying to regain as much composure as he
could knowing the person he loved now knew about his feelings. However now
he could feel new tears welling up in his eyes, as he knew Nick was about to
assure him that nothing could happen between the two of them.

"All of it. I'm sorry." The young blond could see Kevin holding every
emotion he was feeling inside his tick wall of protection. He had to get
through it, he had to talk with him and tell him that there was nothing to
fear about. That he did loved him back.  And so very much.

"I... you weren't supposed to hear that. You weren't supposed to." Kevin
didn't know what to say, how to act in front of his younger friend. Nick now
knew about his feelings. He knew.

"I know, I just... I came here because I had to tell you something." Taking
two steps forward, Nick placed his hands on either side of Kevin's face, as
he could see tears running free down his cheeks just by the simple touch. It
moved him deeply that this simple action meant so much to the older man. "I
had to tell you before I lost courage." Taking a deep breath, he prepared
himself to change both their lives. "I love you."

Kevin stared right into Nick's clear baby blues as the words started sinking
in his psyche. Nick was in love with him. The one and only person he had
ever loved so much, loved him as well. He couldn't believe something like
that could actually happen. He opened his mouth to say something, but it
seemed as if his most basic functions had stop working when those three
words had been said. He couldn't utter a word. He couldn't do or say
anything besides thinking that Nick *did* loved him.

Knowing Kevin was probably shocked at the statement, just as much as he had
been when he had heard Kevin say he was in love with him, Nick decided this
was as a good moment as any to do something he had been waiting long enough
to do. Closing the small space that was between both their faces, Nick
brought Kevin's lips to his in a soft and tender kiss.

Nothing else matter for either of them, as all their expectations and hopes
were concealed in that earth shattering kiss. For one simple and unique
moment in the course of eternity, both of them were exactly where they
wanted to be: in each other's arms.

Kevin felt himself fly as he was dancing on a cloud. He had never been so
happy in his life as he was the second Nick's lips touched his. Tentatively
at first, Kevin responded to the kiss. He started placing soft butterfly
kisses on Nick's lips, pulling his lip slightly. Needing to have him closer,
he placed his hand on the back of the younger man's neck, as his other hand
made its way to his back.

Nick started applying more pressure on the kiss, daring to do something
more, he run his tongue over Kevin's slip, silently asking him to part them.

The older man, feeling Nick's touch on his lips, parted them, allowing him
full entrance. They started to kiss passionately as they were both finally
aware of the other's feelings. They were together and nothing else matter in
that moment.

When the kiss ended, they were both a little breathless. Kevin pulled away
from Nick, his lips lingering on Nick's upper lip, and gazed at the blue
eyes of the one he loved so much. He could feel his heart melt with
tenderness, as he saw the love he felt for Nick reflected on the pool of
ocean blue that were his love's eyes.

Nick caressed Kevin's cheek with his thumb, as he let himself drown on
Kevin's sapphire green eyes, its depth still amazing the young man. The
unbelievable and unimaginable had happened, Kevin felt the same way.

"I love you Nick." As the words left his lips, Kevin smiled. He was finally
doing something he had wanted to do for what seemed ages, he was finally
saying those words to the one who held his heart.

"I love you Kevin." The feeling of utter calm and love Nick could feel
running through his body was breathtaking and knew this was the first time
he had ever felt like this, so happy he felt as if he could reach the sky
and touch the stars. He was in love.

Nick leaned against Kevin's chest in a sweet embrace, placing his head on
the crook of his neck. Everything seemed to take upon new life just by
knowing that Kevin loved him. The smell of Kevin's cologne, the touch of
Kevin's body against his own and the sound of Kevin's even breathing.
Everything was better and more beautiful. He placed both his hands on
Kevin's back, needing to have him closer to him, as closer as the laws of
physics allowed both of them.

Kevin placed one hand on the young man's back, while his other hand started
caressing his love's neck, softly running his fingers through his blond
locks. Time stood still and eternity cease to exist as the only thing that
registered in his mind was the simple and most enchanting fact that he was
holding Nick, the object of his affection for the past two years, in his
arms. Holding him and showing him just how much in love he was, how much he
needed him and wanted in his live, so very in love of each other that
nothing else matter for either of them. It was as if the stars had collided
and the world had stopped turning and he never wanted to let go of him.

As the couple stood still in the middle of the stable, the only in the room
was their even breathing as they take in what had just happened. They had
opened up to each other and had found the most marvelous gift: love.

Somewhere in the back of Kevin's mind the knowledge that it was December
24th, so very late it was probably way past midnight, making it already
December 25th, struck him. Holding Nick even tighter, he spoke for the first
time since Nick had expressed his love for him. "Marry Christmas Nicky." His
voice was soft and tender, fully knowing that it meant something more than
just words now as they both knew just how deeply their feeling run for each
other.

"Merry Christmas Kev." Nick said as he nuzzled the older man's neck and took
a deep breath, the smell of Kevin's cologne and skin filling his senses.
This year Christmas had changed and he couldn't have been happier about it.
He had gotten the only thing he could have asked for as a Christmas wish,
the man he loved was in love with him and was holding him tightly against
his chest. Live couldn't be better.

They stood like that, just holding each and marveling upon the new
revelation of their answered love, for what seemed like ages. Sheer bliss
were the only words that could sum up the incredible feeling they were
experiencing. For the first time in years both of them had what they wanted
for Christmas: being with the one they loved and being loved back.

Yes, it was a Merry Christmas indeed.

*****

That was the story, did you like it? Feel free to tell me anything, I just
love feedback! Send your posts at: jmfluder@hotmail.com

This is all for now. Happy Holidays and enjoy the winter vacation!

Take care and investigate.

M. F. Luder