Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 10:48:13 +0000 From: Eriker <eriker@earthlink.net> Subject: boy-bands/different-point-of-view-1 This should be read before "If you'll let me-Justin's turn". They are a duet (same time frame from different points of view). This is another two-in-one story from me that will not be continued. Standard disclaimers apply. This is not meant to imply anything about the members of Nsync. All my thanks go to Gene...you are the bestest friend in the world. Love you! <hugs> To Ashley...thanks...you keep me young. To Kevin....you keep me laughing. You rock....I mean it man.....also....this is the closest I will ever come to a happy ending...enjoy it. ;-) And to Michael...thanks too...been too long since we talked. This is all from Chris' POV (i.e.in his head). // indicates song lyrics. Thanks for reading, Eriker ********************************************************** A Different Point Of View At least that's normal... Chris's saga It was a cool and gray morning. At least Justin will be with me today and that makes things a little brighter. As long as I don't really think about "this" I will be okay. I don't know how "this" happened, but I found a way to fall helplessly in love with a guy who is too young and way too straight to want anything to do with me. At least not in the way I want him to. I guess it's too late...I'm thinking about it...there goes the attempt at a good day. He wants a big brother and I have tried my best to be that. It is getting harder to ignore that my feelings toward him are so much more than that. I want to hold him and kiss him and... I end up jumping on him and wrestling with him and making sarcastic remarks. I love my defense mechanisms. Maybe it's time to think about my moving out. I don't want to go but this unrequited love is so hard to live with. Oh well I'll think about it later tonight. I'm sure that Valentino, Jr. has a big date and I will be all alone. No wonder you're alone all the time, Chris, listen to you wallow. Let's see... I'm feeling cranky and depressed. At least that's normal, so down to breakfast I go. Damn, he's cute and he can cook too. Danielle could cook but she wasn't nearly as attractive as Justin. Stop it Chrissie boy, let's try to get through a day without breaking down. He seems in a good mood. The day might not be so bad after all. "Hey Chris, can I ask you something serious?" Justin looks befuddled, as if he wasn't cute enough today. "Sure Curly, what's up?" Serious, huh, well what's he up to now. "All right you know you are like my oldest and wisest friend..." He realizes it sounded bad as he says it and he has the decency to wince. "Oldest ....ouch" Yeah, too old for a nubile thing like you. "No man you're my best friend, really. I need some advice and considering that you are the person I trust the most, I figured you could answer my questions." Justin looks so open right now. "Yeah, yeah, get on with it." I smile at him, but I don't know if I can take this today. I know he trusts me but I don't know if he should. I feel like I'm lying by not telling him how I feel. Am I betraying him by wanting him? All the little touches that he thinks are innocent. What would he do if he knew they weren't? "Okay, so how do you know when...no, that's not the quite the right question. I already know how I feel. I guess my question is how do you start a relationship?" Justin almost looks scared. "Justin?!" Oh, I definitely can't take giving him advice on his love life. I don't want to see him hurt again. I love him too much to watch another "Britney situation". //Guess I wasn't the best one to ask Me, myself with my face pressed up against love's glass To see the shiny toy I'd been hoping for The one I never can afford// "Yeah, I know. It seems silly coming from me, but I've got this friend and I kinda want things to grow. I get the feeling that this friend wants the same, but I'm having trouble figuring out what the first step should be." He wants someone. I know she'll hurt him. They all manage to do that. He deserves to be loved not trampled on. "Justin, I don't think I can help you with this one." I can't even help myself. //The wide world spins and spits turmoil And the nations toil for peace But the paws of fear upon your chest. Only love can sooth that beast// "But you were with someone for a long time and so at some point you thought Danielle was the "One": I never even thought `bout forever before I met this person. I think this might be the "One" for me. I want this to go all the way and never look back. It logically follows that I need to start the relationship in the right way....you know?" He is so trusting. I can't let him go it alone. I can't step back even if I want to. "My `psuedo-marriage' had nothing `correct' in it. Danielle and I didn't start as good friends. It took a break-up to make us friends. Our friendship is a bond that formed during the trauma of splitting up. I'm not so good at starting relationships." I will help you to get what you want even if it kills me. //And my words are paper tigers No match for the predator of pain Inside him// "Okay, so your old relationship wasn't a good example, but still you're good at reading people. I know you've learned a lot in life and I thought you could tell me what you would do in this situation." You trust me. I will always be thankful for that. Time to put on a good front. "Well, if I was in that situation, I guess I would just keep being a good friend and step up the intensity. Let the friendship become love on it's own. Start doing little things for the person that may not seem important but add up. Let her see for herself what life could be like if you were `together'. Go slow and build a strong base. Oh and keep lines of communication open. That was my mistake. I still think I'm the wrong person to ask. You know Josh was always big into the romance thing. You could call him or Joey...he is the smoothest with the ladies." This is the best I can do. I can tell you what I would do for you. I can try to tell you what I learned from my mistakes. I can hope for something far better for you. I can almost hear your heart accelerate. I hope she is worthy. I// say love will come to you Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true As if I've offered up a crystal ball to look through And where there's now one there will be two// "Oh man, you...that was beautiful Chris. Thanks. That was the most `on' advice I've ever gotten. Underneath..." I love him and I will never leave him. If friend is the only title I can have then it is enough. I felt myself smile as this realization washes over me. Shit....refocus..drifting is not good now...what the hell was he saying?.. "Uh Chris are you still with me man?" He looks happy. That is good. I guess I didn't miss anything important. "Hmm? Yeah I'm here. Where else would I be?" I will never push him our of my life. I can take any amount of pain to be near him. //I close my eyes and wish you fine (I'm always closing my eyes wishing I'm fine) Even though you're not this time (Even though I'm not this time) I say love will come to you Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true As if I've offered up a crystal ball to look through And where there's now one there will be two// "How late did you say we had to stay at the studio tonight?" He looks so eager. "Just long enough to finish up arranging the vocals for the last ballad and then we are off for the weekend." I pray that he is right and this is someone who will love him. If she doesn't I will be there. He will always have a friend. //And I wish him insight to battle love's blindness Strength from the milk of human kindness A safe place for all the pieces that scatter Learn to pretend there's more than love that matters// "Cool. Let's pick up some dinner on the way home and some videos. I'll treat. " I can do anything if he is with me. "You're buying? Oh boy, remind me to give you advice more often." I will love you until time ends and I will be happy as long as you are, my beautiful friend. Then why does it still hurt so bad? "Let's go Chris. I'll get your coat." I try to pretend the floor is pretty interesting as I grab it from him. I will break down if I meet his eyes. I am happy but so empty and at least that's normal. <finis> ------------------------------------------------------------ The song used is "Love Will Come To You" by the Indigo Girls. Lyrics are used without permission. I changed the gender specific pronouns in the song. Please read part two now. It is Justin's side. Any comments can be sent to eriker@earthlink.net Thanks