Date: Mon, 19 Feb 2001 22:05:37 -0000
From: Al Garcia <barrack79@hotmail.com>
Subject: Don't Wanna Lose-22 Boybands

Disclaimer: This story is fiction and does not represent the real people
that might be mentioned here.  If you are under 18 or if it is illegal to
read this in the country where you live, the city where you are, etc. then
don't.  Again, this is just some fantasy I concocted in my head so don't
get insulted.

Author's Note: Here's another chapter.  I think I'm doing well with these
updates...well, at least better.  Well, I hope everybody had a nice
Valentine's Day.


Chapter 22
Written by: Bear

	It's one of those perfect Orlando days where the sun was showing
off its glory and the few clouds in the sky was only there to provide a
contrast to the ravishing blue sky that stretch to the horizon.  It was
fairly quiet in an attractive gated community where most of its inhabitants
were either at work or on a trip to the nearest lake, sea, or beach to
enjoy the day's fine weather.  In one of these houses, however, a brown
haired man was hastily running around the kitchen gathering any food he
could grab.  The kitchen was filled with a certain indescribable tension as
two other men sat in the chairs of the breakfast table.  One of them, a
curly haired well built youth watched intently as the brunette ran through
the room talking as abruptly while the other, a blond beauty, stared upon
the tablecloth as if examining it thoroughly.
	"I...I didn't know you guys were coming.  I would have arranged
something.  Picked you up at the airport.  Gotten food at least.
Something."  The brunette said as he placed a plate of fruits and some
bowls on the table.
	"Well, I kind of wanted it to be a surprise.  I guess it just
didn't work out as well as I hoped."  The curly haired youth replied.
	"Yes, talk about bad timing.  Your mom left last night to handle
some business in New York." JC said as he added a box of cereal and some a
bottle of milk on the table.
	"I...I probably should have told her.  When is she gonna be back?"
Justin asked.
	"Um...she should be back on Friday night, the latest." JC said as
he finally took a seat with them in the table.
	"Oh..." Justin groaned out looking a little disappointed.
	"Why?  Aren't you guys gonna stay that long?"
	"No but we have to be back in LA on Sunday that's all.  I just
wanted to spend more time with her...and plus to you know...um...so she
could get to know Nick."  Justin said looking towards Nick who suddenly
brought his head up from looking at the table at the mention of his name.
Nick gave a small smile in reply.
	"So how are you, Nick?" JC asked sincerely with a light in his eye
and a beautiful smile on his face.
	"I'm...I'm...doing good." Nick answered back in a soft almost
whispery voice.
	"That's nice to hear, so the tour now not taking too much of a toll
on you?" JC asked trying to get Nick to talk more.  Justin gave JC a smile
as he appreciated JC's thoughtfulness.
	"It's pretty much like all the other tours before except that..."
Nick said as he momentarily stopped as he changed his gaze from JC's to
Justin.
	"I'm there for him." Justin said as he finished Nick's statement
which made Nick blush a bit.
	"Oh...that's nice." JC said as a little forced smile came about his
face.
	"Yes, I really like it actually.  Different from anything we've
done.  I don't have to think about that night's concert or dance rehearsals
or singing.  The only thing I really have to concern myself with is Nick's
happiness." Justin said as he brought his right hand upon the table and
took Nick's left hand in his.
	Nick was a little shock in the display of affection especially in
front of JC.  Nick looked at Justin with wide eyes as if asking what the
hell do you think you're doing.  Nick tried to pull his hand out of
Justin's but Justin held on tighter.  Now, JC's eyes were fixed upon the
two hands that were now holding each other.  "I'm...I'm happy for you
Curly.  I'm happy that you've finally found love." JC said as he looked at
the couple.  "And Nick, I'm glad that Justin's finally found you.  You make
him happy and that's all that matters in my book." JC said as he gave Nick
a sincere smile in which Nick replied with a blushing face.

					++++++++++++

	"Come on get out of bed.  I want to do something today.  I don't
want to stay here all cooped up.  We've finally got some time off and I
want to at least enjoy it." He yelled to the figure under the blankets.
	"Fuck off.  You go out and do something." The figure answered back.
	"You can't just mope in here all day.  It won't do any good." The
tall brown haired man retorted as he looked around the bedroom.  "You'll
just get more depressed than you are now.  Come on, look at this place.
You won't have any choice but to think of him."
	"Why the hell did we have to get time off anyways?  I was totally
happy working." The blond haired green eyed man answered back.
	"Cause it was in the schedule and we needed a time off before we
start the next leg of the tour.  Now come on.  Get."  Brad said as he tried
to pull the covers off him.
	"No." Rich said as he tried unsuccessfully at stopping Brad.
"You're an dickhead you know that."
	"Yes...yes, call me whatever you want as long as we get out of
here."
	"I ain't leaving." Rich said with some authority.  He then turned
to his side and reached for something next to his pillows.  "God, don't we
look good together.  Look at this, we look so wonderful in this one.  Him
in his costume for the show and me in my khakis on the stage." Rich said as
he turned back towards Brad holding pictures in his hands.  "He looks so
wonderful in this one.  His smile so captivating with that hint of desire
in his eyes."  Rich then flipping through the next pictures commenting
every one and a while on Nick's face, eyes, and body to which Brad acted
like he didn't give a care.  Brad rolled his eyes finally as Rich kept
looking through the pictures.  "Oh, I remember this.  We started a shaving
foam fight.  He was about to shave in his dressing room when I walked in.
I took the can and sprayed him with some.  He just looked shocked for a
second before reaching for another can and got me all over.
He's...he's...simply perfect." Rich said as he went back into the deep
memories of his mind as he silently dreamed of a day when he would finally
have Nick.
	"Oh, please..." Brad said getting fed up of Rich's obsession.
	"I wonder what he's doing right now?" Rich asked to no one in
particular.
	"Probably having more fun than I am right now." Brad replied in
which Rich didn't even react to.  Finally like lighting an idea struck him,
"Um, can I look at those pictures?" Brad asked and in returned Rich dazedly
brought his hand out and gave the stack of pictures to Brad.  "Thank you.
Now I'll just burn these." Brad said as he stood up and ran out of the
room.
	It took Rich a moment to wake up from his daydream and Brad's words
to register in his brain.  "What?" Rich yelled.  "No!  No!  Brad!  No!
Please!" Rich shouted as he jumped out of bed only in his boxers and ran
out of the room.  Rich ran into the kitchen where Brad stood over the stove
that had been already lit with the pictures only inches from the flames.
"No, Brad please don't."  Rich begged out.
	"Are you gonna get out of this stupid state that your in and go out
with me and enjoy this break of ours?" Brad asked.
	"No!  Now give me back the pictures." Rich screamed.
	"Oops!  I think I lost my grip."  Brad said innocently as one of
the pictures fell upon the flame and started to burn.
	"You asshole!" Rich hollered as he took a step forward Brad.
	"Back.  Back, unless you want all of these to go into the flames."
Brad warned as Rich took a few steps back.  "So, let's try this again.  Are
you gonna get out of this house and enjoy our break?" Brad once again asked
as Rich stared at the pictures.  There was still some uncertainty in his
eyes so Brad continued with his threat.  "Better hurry, I think I'm
starting to loose my grip."
	With a sigh Rich answered, "Okay, fine.  Yes, I'll go out."
	"You don't sound so sure.  I'm not really that convinced.  Uh oh, I
think one of them is about to fall from my fingertips."
	"Yes! Yes, I want to enjoy our break.  Just don't burn the
pictures!" Rich yelled out.
	"Well that's better.  So, let's refine the agreement.  You enjoy
your time off.  Go out with your friends and you get the pictures back.
Right?" Brad asked.
	"Yes." Rich answered in which Brad cocked his right eyebrow to
Rich's reply.  "Yes, I promise to enjoy my time off.  Go out and party and
have fun."  Rich added.
	"Okay, now here are your pictures." Brad said as he was reached his
hand out towards Rich.  "On second thought, maybe I'll just keep these just
in case.  You'll get them back at the end of the week." Brad said right
before pulling his hand out before Rich could get a grasp upon the
pictures.

					++++++++++++

	On the other side of the continent, in a valley on the northern
part of California there was just a hint of haze upon the hills.  The
spring hasn't fully arrived yet in this part of the country where the
temperature was still a little cool.  Its elevation didn't help the matters
but it gave the countryside a mystique ambiance.  As a low fog held the top
of the hills a stallion with a golden mane came running towards a late
eighteenth century stables.  Upon the horse, riding with confidence, was a
great presence of a man: dark, brooding, elegant, and an essence of
masculinity.  He slowed down the mustang as he approached the stable and
stepped down from one side.  He casually took horse's strap upon his hand
and then murmured something upon the horse's ears as he gently glided his
palm across its nose.  Then he stepped aside and guided the horse into the
barn.  He momentarily stopped, as he was shocked to see a figure leaning
upon the stables' entrance looking at him with a sly smile.
	"I thought you might be here." The other man said casually.
	"How'd you find me?" He replied as he walked passed him leading the
horse into its enclosure.
	The man moved beside him and looked tenderly upon the equine
animal.  "Easy, I followed the horse."
	"What?" He asked completely confused.
	"You're not that hard to figure out Kevin even though you try to
make it out to be.  I knew you wouldn't go that far away or fly back across
the country so I asked around for a place that was well known for their
horses and served one mean breakfast.  So here I am, in the middle of
northern California at a bed and breakfast that has fine horses."  Howie
explained.
	"Well, congratulations.  Now you found me.  What do we have for the
lucky gentleman, Charlie?"
	"Sarcasm doesn't suit you well Kevin.  I wouldn't try it again."
Howie said jokingly.
	"Yes, you ruin my nice tranquil vacation and still find time to
insult me."  Kevin said as he started to walk to the house.
	"Oh give me a break Kev, I was just joking.  You know ha ha.  That
kind of thing or have you forgotten."  Howie said trying to catch up to
him.
	"I don't need to give care.  I'm on vacation.  You guys are old
enough to take care of yourselves."
	"You don't make it very easy to help you."
	"What?" Kevin cried out as he stopped to look at Howie.  "Me, need
help?  Preposterous."
	"Everybody needs a shoulder every now and then."
	"And why exactly do I need a shoulder?  Prey do tell me." Kevin
remarked.
	"Nick." Howie's one word answer.

					++++++++++++

	A mild commotion was taking place in the middle of the family room
in the Harliss' residence.  Two seemingly grown men were rolling around on
the carpet trying to get the upper hand on the other.  Only moments ago the
house had been quiet except for the nice exchange of thoughts that was
happening between the two as they waited for the sleeping angel upstairs to
finally wake up.  It was already mid-afternoon and the day was oh so
willing to bid farewell so that night could take over.  Quiet steps were
taken as the Angel finally woke up to the slight rumbling of his stomach.
He walked down the stairs and upon reaching the floor below he heard a
giggling fit surge to his ears.  He walked towards the family room as he
tried to control his curly hair with his right hand.  What he saw as he
reached the doorway took his breath away.
	"Say Uncle.  Say Uncle." JC said as he sat upon Nick's stomach
tickling his sides with one hand and the other trying to hold Nick's hand
back.
	"No...no...stop...I...stop..." Nick tried to say in between his
laughs.
	"Say Uncle.  Just say Uncle." JC said not stopping his abuse.
	"No..." Nick laughed out as he tried to free his hands.  Finally
with a little help from his legs he was able to get JC off balance enough
so that one of his hands were free.  Nick quickly pushed JC off him and
tried to crawl away as he tried to control his laughter.
	"You're not getting away that easy Carter." JC said as he got back
his balance and pounced on Nick pushing Nick upon the carpet on his
stomach.  JC quickly got a hold of both Nick's hands and pulled them
towards his back holding them like a police would do before cuffing their
assailant.  "So am I going to have to make you laugh till you cry or are
you just gonna..."
	"Ahhhh...Hummmm..." Justin coughed out loudly trying to get the
two's attention.
	JC looked to where the sound emanated and smiled.  "Hi Justin.
Glad to see you're finally awake." JC said a little out of breath.
	Nick took his face from the floor and looked up and smiled at
Justin.  "Hi!" He said with a goofy smile.
	"Hi honey.  Having fun?" Justin asked with some sarcasm.
	"Tons." Nick said as he rolled his eyes.
	"Um...C, would you kindly get off my man?  As much as I like my
honey upon the floor I rather be the one on top of him."
	JC quickly got up from Nick and use his hand to brush off his
shirt.  "Yeah, sorry about that."
	Nick hurriedly got up from the floor and rushed up to Justin
embracing him and placing a quick kiss upon his cheek.  "Love, he tried to
torture me." Nick said in a little kiddie voice and a pout.
	"He poured water on me." JC retorted back as he pointed to his hair
and his slightly wet shirt.
	"He was boring me with stupid stories."
	"You're the one who asked me to tell you things about Justin." JC
responded.  "Oh, I'm gonna get you back for this." JC said as he stepped
towards them.
	Nick quickly turned them around so that now Justin was in between
him and JC as JC approached them.  "Love..." Nick whined out as Justin held
onto Nick a little tighter.
	"I'm gonna go change my shirt.  You watch out Blondie." JC
sinisterly said as he walked out of the room.  In reply, Nick stuck his
tongue out at him and embraced Justin tighter before placing his head upon
Justin's shoulder.

					++++++++++++

	With no interference from the city, the sky looked amazing in
northern California.  Every star shone into the night while a tranquil
silence was held throughout the countryside.  A little chilly but just
right for sweater weather, two men sat upon lounge chairs on the second
story balcony with a table in between them.  One of them reached for his
glass on the table and took a sip of his Long Island ice tea.  Deciding to
finally break the silence he said, "So are you gonna wait till I'm
thoroughly pissed or talk to me before then."  He heard no reply and saw no
reaction from his companion hence he decided that maybe its better to
approach the subject in another way.  He stood up from his chair and
approached the ledge.  He brought his gaze up to the sky and smiled.  "When
I was a child I always used to sing in front of my family or do those
talent shows.  Afterwards they would always tell me that someday that I
would be great and become a big star.  I never knew how to react to their
compliments but it gave me this feeling of hopefulness.  That maybe that
they were right and I would become a great big star.  So late at night I
would look up in the sky and try to figure out which of those stars I would
become.  All of them were different, some were big but didn't shine as well
and then there would be the small stars but they always stood out in the
sky.  They would shine greater and finer than the bigger ones.  I always
wanted to be that small star that lit up the night sky.  They might not be
as popular or as extensive as the big stars but to me, I always thought
that to the people who knew and cared for them they thought that the little
star was better than any of the other stars because it was devoted to
them."  Howie finished before taking another sip from his glass and
returning back to his seat.
	A couple of minutes of silence passed between the two.  Kevin
looked deep in thought as he said, "Thanks for coming to find me, D." He
didn't even look towards Howie's direction but said it as if nobody was
there.  There was no emotion in his voice but to Howie it was at least a
start.
	"What are friends for?" Howie replied deciding to let Kevin lead
the conversation.
	Another moment of silence passed between the two.  "I am okay, D.
I'm fine."  Kevin said.
	"Uh huh." Howie murmured his answer.
	Silence again as if Kevin was contemplating his next words.
"Justin's a great guy.  He makes Nick happy."
	"He must be to win over AJ's confidence...and he's the most
untrusting of all of us." Howie commented.
	"Yeah, a great guy." Kevin restated.
	Howie didn't know if that was his cue to lead the conversation but
he took the initiative and did.  "How do you feel, Kev?"
	"Good most of the time, sometimes there's an emptiness inside me,
and there's certain moments when my heart feels heavy, like physically
heavy." Kevin answered in a monotone voice as if he's practiced the
response thousands of times.
	"Why?"
	"Good cause I see him everyday and think that he's happy, sometimes
empty cause I feel lonely, and I don't really know why my heart feels
heavy.  Maybe I long for his love or his touch but maybe I want what he
has." Kevin replied with a sigh.
	"When was it Kev?  When did you start having these feelings?"
	"For Nick you mean?"
	"Uh huh..."
	A smile crept upon Kevin's face.  "It was always somehow there.  I
remember I would get so frustrated with him sometimes.  We'd get into these
stupid arguments and AJ or one of you guys would just reason it out as the
age gap between us.  It was never like that.  The frustration resulted from
my longing.  I had these indescribable emotions for Nick.  Logically, how
could a grown man succumb to such a juvenile adolescent?  It never made any
sense in my mind and it would result in these exchanges of outbursts
between me and Nick.  It would never last long though, you guys never saw
what happened afterwards.  He always needed me and in turn I needed him.
He brought light into my life.  Uptight, mature, responsible, distinguished
Kevin needn't be there all the time.  When it was just me and him I could
let my defenses down.  When you guys would go out to a club or bar for the
night Nick would come to my room and install whatever game system he had
for the moment and just start to play.  Would never ask and would never
bother me to play.  He would simply wait, as if somehow he always knew,
that eventually I'd put down the paperwork that had to be done the next day
and take that extra controller that he had and play with him.  Or that
after watching a scary movie, even though he would be the first one to try
to make us jump in the terrifying scenes, he would softly knock on my door
afterwards and ask me if he could stay for the night.  And when I would try
to turn off the light he'd ask very politely if we could leave it on.  He
always hated the dark after a scary movie.  To him the dark always seemed
to be a lot darker after a scary movie as if hiding something that
shouldn't be there.  I never had the pressure to be a stature of man in
front of him.  All I had to give him was a equal companion and most of the
time on his terms and on his level." Kevin said with a little chuckle.
"I'll never admit this to him but I went out of my way to learn anything
and everything about those stupid games.  Read every magazine that had
tips, tricks or anything about gameplay on each system on each game he
owned.  Searched the websites, went into chatrooms, and talked to other
gamers.  By the end I knew every little secret on each level, the special
moves of each characters, and memorized every stage of James Bond.
Sometimes, I can beat him now not because of skill but because of wit.
It's cute to see him frustrated.  He'll never accept his losing so he'll
keep on trying till he gets better than me again.  Keeps me on my toes.
Yes, Kevin Scott has a subscription to GamePro." Kevin finished relaying
his story with a twinkle in his eyes."
	"Maybe you are harder to figure out that I gave you credit for."
Howie conceded with a grin.
	"Or maybe it's just because of him."
	"You told me once that you were in love with him.  That you wanted
to take care of him.  That you wanted to see him happy.  Are...are you
still in love with him?"  Howie cautiously asked.
	Kevin for the first time that night took his gaze away from the
countryside and looked towards Howie.  "You never stop being in love with
someone D.  It's just a matter of your mind overtaking your heart.  To
finally realize that you're not gonna get what you want from that person.
So you close that door and tuck it in a corner of your heart and let
something else flourish.  You never stop being in love; you just choose
which one you live with.  It's never black and white.  It's usually in the
gray area that you find happiness and if life is good enough to throw you a
curve ball it might even be in the cyan or in the pink."
	Howie took a moment to let what Kevin said sink into his soul.
Then he looked deep into Kevin's eyes trying to see what was behind them.
"Don't...don't you find it hard.  Not your relationship with Nick but with
Justin.  I see him come up to you all the time.  He asks for your advice on
what to do with Nick.  Isn't it just a little ironic?"
	Kevin once again looked away from Howie and started to stare upon
the countryside.  It was really late at night and the house was asleep
except for them.  "A little.  Justin doesn't know everything about Nick,
especially his past.  Justin seems to truly care about Nick so why
shouldn't I help.  At least he's not Brian."
	"Why didn't you ever go after him Kevin?  Why never play for Nick's
heart?  We all knew that Brian was a bastard but you never contended for
him?"
	"Somehow I always knew that it would never go anywhere.  He was
completely in love with Brian.  Thoroughly blinded for his affection and
feelings for him.  Nick couldn't see past his passion for Brian.  He
wouldn't allow himself to see how badly Brian was treating him."  Kevin
replied deep in thought.
	"But that night, Kev.  You said that you two..."
	"It was one night.  One night doesn't constitute a relationship.  I
think we both needed something from each other.  Nick needed to feel that
somebody could love him truly while I needed to show him how deep and
genuine my love for him really is.  Nick needed me that night and I wanted
to feel needed by him.  One night, one beautiful night but it was just only
one night."
	"But why Kevin?  Why never fight for his love?  If your love is so
true how can you deprive him and yourself of the chance of bliss?" Howie
said with frustration in his voice.
	"Because I love him.  I love him enough to be able to let him go.
I love him enough to let him go find happiness in another man's arms.  I
love him enough to find joy in his own rapture.  And...and I'm secure
enough to know that while I might not have bliss with Nick, I will find it
in another and it will be fruitful.  And while I'll always love Nick in
some corner of my heart, I'll close that door and let something more
handsome flourish."

					++++++++++++

	Night had taken over the land as Brian sat on his piano running his
hands carelessly through the ivory keys.  He was all alone in his house and
was having trouble sleeping.  He tried out a few chords upon the piano
before starting a song that came from his heart.  A melody soon started to
fill the hall as Brian quietly sang with passion.
	"Remember when we needed each other
	The best of friends like sister and brother
	We understood we never be alone
	Those days are gone
	Now I want you so much
	The night is long
	And I need your touch
	Don't know what to say
	Never meant to feel this way
	Don't wanna be alone tonight"

	Rich had had a long day with Devon and Brad.  Under strict orders
to supposedly have fun, Rich put on a face of a happy man and enjoyed as
much as he can their time off.  Night was turning into early morning as
Rich laid on his couch watching the tv.  He put in a tape of the Backstreet
Boys during one of the rehearsals.  They were trying out a new song that
Howie had just written.  As Rich closed his eyes he lightly sang in harmony
with the boys.
	"What can I do to make you mine
	Fallen so hard so fast this time
	What did I say what did you do
	How did I fall in love with you"

	Howie and him had just finished talking.  It was a slight relief on
his part and his shoulders seemed to be carrying a lighter load.  Kevin was
making his peace with his love.  He was still piecing his life together but
at least he was making progress.  A couple of tears glided down his
chiseled face as he whispered into the night a verse from one of their new
songs.
	"I hear your voice and I start to tremble
	Brings back the child that I resemble
	I cannot pretend that we could still be friends
	Don't wanna be alone tonight"

	With his eyes close Brian let the soul of the song run down to his
fingers.
  His eyes were stinging from his unshed tears and put all of himself onto
vocalizing the passion of the music.
	"What can I do to make you mine
	Fallen so hard so fast this time
	What did I say, what did you do
	How did I fall in love with you"

	JC had just entered his room, next door to Justin's.  He had been
working downstairs on writing some new songs for the new album.  He was a
little tired but some adrenaline was still rushing through his veins so
that he couldn't sleep.  JC took a look at top of his dresser and found the
cover of the cd Nick had given him earlier, a rough copy of a new
Backstreet song.  He walked over to his stereo system, changes the volume,
and presses the pause button.  JC had been listening to the song earlier
but never had the chance to finished.  Next door, Justin lay awake watching
his lover sleep.  He had sleep a good part of the day earlier and found it
hard to sleep tonight.  He heard some footsteps on the other side of the
wall before a song started to seep through.  Justin instantly recognized
the song and smiled towards his lover.  He quietly whispered the words to
Nick's sleeping form.
	"Oh I wanna to say this right
	And it has to be tonight
	Just need you to know
	I don't want to live this lie
	I don't want to say goodbye
	With you I wanna spend the rest of my life"

	Kevin turned to his side while on the bed.  He looked outside the
sliding doors to where Howie and him were sitting on the balcony talking
just some time ago.  A couple more tears fell down his face as he remember
his words. `I love him enough to let him go.'  Kevin's tears turned to
muffled sobs as he cried out the words.
	"What can I do to make you mine
	Fallen so hard so fast this time
	What did I say, what did you do
	How did I fall in love with you"

	Justin brought his hand towards Nick's face and with his finger
moved away the few blond strands that were in his lover's face.  With a
gleaming smile he moved to place a kiss upon the beauty's forehead.  Justin
was eternally in love with this tender creature.  His love was unexpected
but a welcome surprise otherwise.  Justin's eyes started to tear up
thinking about their love for each other.  With his voice breaking Justin
sang the last verse of the song JC was playing.
	"What can I do to make you mine
	Fallen so hard so fast this time
	Everything's change we never knew
	How did I fall in love with you"

(This scene was inspired from the movie Magnolia and as most everyone will
know the song is from the new Backstreet Album "Black and Blue")

			       +++++++++++++