Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2001 00:42:23 -0800
From: Grayson S. Vellar <writergray@msn.com>
Subject: Don't Want You Back-Part18

Usual Disclaimer: I don't know the character personally. I know nothing of
their personal sexuality. This is a gay romance fiction story. If you are
not old, enough to read it don't. If you are well then-by-all-means read
away and enjoy!


Author's notes:

As no one knows I think it is time to tell all of you why it is taking so
long for these installments to get out. What's been taking so long you may
be asking? Well the truth is there was an auto accident. Yes, Grayson is
okay after all was said and done. But the drunk driver that hit the car
needed to be put away for a while and I was seeing to it. He slammed into
the back of our 4-day-old car at 55 MPH and our car was at a dead stop at
the time. Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt during the accident. Thank
God, my Godson was not in the back seat of the car where he was intended to
be. So, there you have it; the abridged version of what has been happening
in the Velar household.

The story will now hopefully continue with little or no more hindrance. let
me know what you think writergray@aol.com and now you may reach me at
writergray@msn.com


Last, time...

Kevin is in love and it is a true love. They have had a lot of anguish
lately and just like any other person out there, we should support him for
who he is not what he is and looks like. There is no set mold as to how a
person is to be. That concept is the sole responsibility of the morals that
each person reading this takes on. If you love another, is it to be limited
and who sets the limitations. Can a person love the same sex and still be a
person in the eyes of the people who assume they know them?

Kevin Scott Richardson and Michael Allen Valery are in love with one
another. It shows in their attitude and in their eyes. If you ever see them
standing by, greet them. If you ever see them look into their souls and be
proud of the fact that they love one another in a world filled with hate
for their type of love. And if you can not see it, you are at a
disadvantage. Maybe just maybe if you could see what they have you would
see what you are missing in your own lives. It doesn't matter that it is a
straight or a gay relationship.  What matters most is the happiness that
two people can share.

No detail, no words to be given on what they do behind closed doors. That
is their business as long as they are happy and healthy in their
relationship. Just understand that love is love no matter how you look at
it and please accept that they are happy. No they are not hurting you by
loving each other and Kevin is still the same man you all knew or thought
you knew. For the best, he finally fell in love with someone that makes him
truly happy.

"It's not what happens in life that matters, it's how we react to what
happens that makes all the difference"

Frank Paterson-Daily Grind 2000


And Now, on with the story...


                                DWYB 18
                       'The end as they knew it'
                          by Grayson S. Vellar

My mind was spinning out of control with mixed emotions as I finished
reading the article. It seemed more like an apology or a letter to the
public. Was he preaching, was this the right angle to do this from? I was
confused, scared, and happy all at the same time.

"Well," Brian asked as I closed the folder.

"I should be asking the guys that same question," I said leaning against
Kevin for support.

"Well, we all think it is what's right," Brian said smiling a smile that
sent a shiver up my spine.

"So, Kevin when is this going to print?" I asked him while listening to his
heart beat.

"As soon as this afternoon if we let it. They're doing a special edition
with a report on relationship in the entertainment industry. It just so
happens that our picture will be on the cover," Kevin said wrapping his
arms around me tightly.

"Wow," I said thinking about how fast all of this happened.

"Let's get back downstairs and see what everyone wants to do today," Kevin
said acting like nothing was happening out of the ordinary.

"Okay," I answered still unsure of what to think of all of this.

"Brian could you give Michael and I some time to talk first," Kevin
asked. Brian simply stood and walked out of the room closing the door on
his way out.


Down Stairs...

"Look guys, if Kevin does this you have to stand by him otherwise the press
will tear him apart. Michael will become a victim in this as well. You all
need to make sure you give them your support one way or the other," Jeff
said pacing back and forth. Chuck sat next to the patio door just outside
smoking a cigarette and looking in at him.

"You know what this means now doesn't it Jeffery," Chuck said snidely.

"No, Charles what does it mean," Jeff said just as Brian hit the bottom
step.

"This means that we are now going to be under the microscope too," Chuck
said turning to face the pool.

"We have talked about this already," Jeff said facing Chuck completely.

"No, you talked and I listened... I said I understood, and I do. But one
can wish and hope for the opposite reaction from his lover of 4 years,"
Chuck said standing up and heading across the patio and out past the pool.

"You two are a different scenario entirely. Why make this more difficult on
your brother Jeff?" Ann asked not liking the attitude or subject matter at
hand.

"Ann this is going to effect me. This is going to effect my family. What am
I supposed to do? Do I just continue to recklessly live my life out in the
open and some day place myself in the same situation they are in? If I do
that, I will loss my son and my wife, people will not understand," Jeff
said heading out the back door.

"I wasn't attacking you!" Ann shouted catching everyone by surprise.

"Auntie I don't think he meant to imply that," Brian said walking over to
the couch and sitting down next to her.


Kevin and I upstairs...

"So the plan is we set our date publicly," Kevin said looking me straight
in the eyes.

"Kevin I would love to marry you and show the world what all of this mean
to us. But, that is a bigger shock than they are prepared for don't you
think. I mean it would be wonderful but we will be pushing out luck just a
little that way," I said taking his hand in mine. I knew I was right but at
the same time, I wanted to show the world the same things he did.

"Okay, how about we not try to worry about that right now. But, I want you
to at least keep it in the back of your mind that I want you and I to be
together and these rings too mean what I hope they do," Kevin said standing
up and pulling me with him. As we went to exit the room, I heard shouting
outside in the backyard. I knew the voice too well, it was Jeff my own
brother.

Kevin and I ran downstairs to see what was happening. It was an all out
shouting match in the backyard with Jeff and Chuck in a complete face
off. In all the years, I had seen them as friends I had never seen the two
of them so mad, so callous. Jeff was ranting and raving about having to
follow the rules. Chuck stood strong facing him and making it clear that he
was closed off to the shouting. His arms crossed over his chest and he was
remaining calm for the moment. It takes a lot of guts to face off against
my brother. He rants and raves louder than anyone else I have ever met. So
much so, that he can make you feel as if the world is going to end with a
hole forming bellow your feet to swallow you whole, as it simply implodes.

"Jeff, I only mean that if this gets out we are going to have to deal with
it. If you really want me to leave, I will... But, remember what we have
and what we have already gone through," Chuck said still calm.

"Leave now!" Jeff said turning and heading our direction face twisted his
fists clenching and releasing as he walked.

"Stop!" I shouted.

Kevin grabbed hold of my hand and stood right by my side.  Jeff tried to
step through us to get out and away. Neither of us would move as Chuck spun
around and faced us. There was a newfound hatred in Jeff's eyes as he
glared at the two of us. It was the most uncomfortable moment I had ever
had between Jeff and I. I could feel the rage that was building up in
side. He was no longer the caring kind man I knew him to be. He was far
more arrogant and cruel in these moments than I had ever imagined him to be
capable of.

"This is not your problem this is ours. It was our decision and you two
have no business fighting over it. Jeff your married there will be no
questions about you," I said standing my ground hoping against hope that he
would see the truth in the situation.

"Immature thoughts will not make this go away Michael. You always had a way
to overlook the obvious," Jeff said setting down in one of the chair
nearby. He was calming on the outside but one look from his eyes let me
know that we were still not out of the fires of his rage. This was insane,
he was taking all of this upon himself. It was as if I was to live my life
for him. It was as if I was to let Kevin go and let his little existence
stop me from being happy. This was it I was tired of bowing down to
everyone else's feelings.

"Bravo Jeff, make this into your problem. You know it's funny you never
could just let me live my life. I tried to live my life to please you, mom
and dad. I tried so hard. I hated myself for it as well. Only the last few
years have I taken on living my life for me. Get over yourself! This is our
life, not yours!" I said squeezing Kevin hand. Jeff stood up and faced us
strong again.

"Fuck you," was all he said as he turned and walked to the edge of the
pool. I had one I knew I had just one. He resorted to the one phrase that
told me lost. There was nothing in his mind to judge me on any longer. He
had lost because I was right and I knew it now.

"Now who being immature? I think you should realize we should not have to
consider anyone else other than the guys and ourselves. This is not
effecting your life it is ours. You work for us not the other way around,"
Kevin said making Chuck cringe as Jeff turned around and faced us head on
yet again.

"Son of a Bitch, what a way to go," Jeff said shaking his head and
grinning. "You're right, I forget my place here. So I guess this mean I no
longer work for you. I guess you no longer need me like you did a few days
ago. From what I remember you called me not the other way around," Jeff
said heading across the back of the house to the side gate. He had lost
before this and there was probably a way to save all of this from
happening. But now it was too late. He would have to come to us on his
terms. There was no stopping him, once he was mad a second irrational time
you would have to wait for him, and the terms. Chuck was frantic as he ran
after him.

"Jeff wait!" Chuck screamed out as Jeff slammed the gate shut.

"Great just great!" I said letting go of Kevin's hand and heading to the
gate as Chuck ran through it chasing after Jeff. Kevin did not follow
us. In all truth, I did not want him too. This was a personal, very
personal, situation that he was not completely aware of until now.

As I cleared the gate and ran down the length of the side of the house, all
I could see was Chuck sprawled out on the ground. I wasn't sure what had
happen. It appeared as If my brother had just hit his lover sending him
crashing to the ground. This in my eyes was far worse than it had initially
looked. Jeff turned back around from where he was standing still and faced
Chuck offering him his hand helping him up. A sudden sigh of relief crossed
my lips until I saw Jeff take a step back putting distance between them.

"Jeff?" Chuck asked on the verge of tears.

"No, Charles this is where we end things baby. You know what this will do
to my family, my life. It will destroy it, and there will be nothing left
of the man you have fallen in love with. He can not exist any longer," Jeff
said turning and walking down the driveway. He was leaving. He was gone.

"Chuck, come here," I whispered as he stood silently crying.

"Just leave me be for now Michael," Chuck said crouching down and leaning
against the cinder block wall crying, whaling, into his hands. After all,
that Kevin and I had gone through I realized something much deeper from the
scene before me. Never, and I am sure never, in my life would I ever have
to feel that way. We would survive. I don't know exactly where that thought
or idea came from. But right then, I was sure of that one thing. Never in
our lives would Kevin ever walk away leaving me to fend off my own emotions
as he rejected me. Guilty relief came over me and walked to the end of the
walkway to help Chuck.

'If it were me.. If I ever were to feel the way he does, I would want
someone to comfort me. Would I believe them telling me that it would be all
right? No, but I would want someone to tell me all the same.'

"Chuck, lets get you inside and cleaned up," I said to which he did not
respond. I reached out to him trying to get him to move but he would not.

"Chuck, there are times in our lives when we feel we can not go on," I
looked up in surprise as Ann stood talking to Chuck with her arms wrapped
around her own waist. "I know what it's like. You have to be stronger than
this and you must hold onto that hope. He loves you or he would not have
gotten so upset. You'll see," Ann said stepping forwards and running her
fingers through his short hair.

"Now, you come inside with me and I will take care of you until he comes to
his senses. I may have had hasty thoughts about my son and his
choices. But, I can see that love, for all of you, hurts as much as love
for anyone else. It may be a different kind of love. But love is just as
cruel and loving for you as it is for me," Ann said taking his hand in hers
as he looked up. "Come on," She encouraged him to stand up.

"He means well. He's just angry," Chuck said slowly standing up and hugging
Ann.

There space to be given to this man. I didn't know what had set all of this
into motion. For some reason or another I knew in my heart that this had
very little to do with Kevin and I, so I turned and walked back towards the
back entrance to the house. I knew that it was too right to leave them. Ann
needed to feel needed and at that point, she was with the most needy of us
right then.

Kevin stood in the middle of the Kitchen living room while everyone else
remained in silence he smiled at me trying to figure out what was going
on. With trepidation, I smiled back trying to cover up my quizzical mind,
and make the analytical-side go away. If they were to fix their
relationship, it was to be on their terms not on mine. I had very little to
give them I had my own problems to conquer.

"Michael I know that look and it is never good when it is on the face of
someone who as long as I have know them has always been able to see the
silver lining in everything." Brian said sitting on the arm of the couch
next to JC of N'Sync.

"Sorry Brian I think maybe I just need to distance myself from the
questions that are in here," I said point to my forehead and smiling at
him. Kevin grinned placing his arm around my shoulder and hugging me from
the side.

"You want to talk about it," Kevin asked me in a whispered voice.

"He doesn't but I do," Chuck whispered walking up behind us causing me to
jump from the new presence. I faced him and looked to see the calming
effect Ann had, had on him. No more tears streaked his face. No more
grieving for the loss was apparent. But, when I looked into those eyes, I
could see the fear and pain still lurching. This was not over. This was
just the lull in the storm of emotions he was feeling.

"Okay," Kevin says pulling me over to a recliner into his lap.

"Were to begin," Chuck asked thinking only to have Justine answer from his
spot next to JC.

"The beginning since I have no idea what is going on," Justine said causing
Brian to laugh as he saw the bright smile on JC face.

"Okay the beginning it is," Chuck said.

"Well, here goes. Michael you know how your brother and I met right?"

"No"

"It all started when I was working on that small production team that
helped him with Union Masquerade. Anyhow, it was the first day of shooting
and his assistant Sheila had been a close friend of mine previously. After
she and I parted, ways about 2 years before I never really expected to see
her again. I mean you hardly meet people like her and expect them to stay
in your life for long. She introduced us immediately when she realized I
was there."

"Jeff, that man there that is smiling at me, happens to be none other than
my should-have-been brother Charles Edward Burns. Charles this is Jeff
Valery."

"That was where it began so to speak. We talked that day and several days
to come but nothing came of it. I mean as far as I knew he was happily
married. Until about a week and a half into our friendship I found out
more," Chuck said and I sat still entranced trying to understand why I
didn't ever pick this up. I had lived there, I had been in their
neighborhood. I had visited frequently.

"Liz and Jeff had an agreement before they got married. With him being BI
and all she agreed there were things she could not offer him. She agreed to
let him see other men to soften his desires," Chuck paused looking up at me
through sad tears.

"That was a long time ago Michael. We had to fight to make it work. At
first, your sister-in-law was not happy at all with the situation. I mean
he never really showed any interest in other men before me. There had been
a few; but none he could speak of directly to her. And then we did it we
all sat down and made the pact that would seal our love. We would share
everything. Well, everything except her and I in the same bed. She would
have him and so would I. I know it sounds crazy to listen to this but it's
true," Chuck sat in silence on the barstool he had made his way too.

"Look I love him and he loves me. He just... He is just, confused, and his
whole world is shattering around him. He is self destructing Michael and he
needs help," Chuck said crying as I stood up from Kevin lap and walked over
to comfort him.

Everyone was silent as I hugged Chuck trying to figure out what to do
here. I had never really even known about them until just the other day and
here I stood trying to figure out what to do next. There was a knock at the
front door causing Chuck to stand up and head back out into the backyard
leaving my side and leaving the comfort, he needed.


When Jack comes to call...

Jack Lyons stood at the front door awaiting his welcome. He had received
the article from Johnnie that morning and there was no way to stop this
from happening. His idea was to make the best of the situation and his
arrival depended on his controlling the outcome.

"Hello Brian," Jack said as Brian opened the front door surprised to see
him. Tony stood just behind him in business attire standing next to Judy.

"Jack," Brian answered surprised to see him.

"Yes, Brian it's me and I have to talk to all of you. Is that possible?"
Jack asked still not making a move towards the door.

"I don't see why not," Brian answered uneasily.

"Where to then," Jack asked still seeing the surprise in Brian's eyes. Jack
opened his briefcase next to him and pulled out a red folder showing Brian
the article in question.

"Oh! So, you have seen it. Follow me," Brian said leading the three to the
living room where everyone still sat in silence.

Kevin was the first to react and it surprised me to see him smiling at them
as they entered the already full room.

"Jack! Good morning," Kevin said cheerily.

"Good morning everyone," Jack said in the same tone of voice. "JC, Justine
nice to see you too!" Jack said walking over and extending his hand to
which neither responded until they notices Tony standing there smiling. It
was as if a light had gone off in their heads as they grinned a knowing
grin and greeted the three.

"Good to see the three of you too," Justine said shaking his hand first to
which Tony took the first steps towards them to greet them as well. I
looked out the back door and noticed Chuck sitting in one of the patio
chairs watching us all.

"Well, guys.. We are here to offer up any help we can to you in your
decision with the article." Kevin and I looked at one another as Judy's
words sank completely in. I was to say the least shocked that they had seen
it already.

"How did.." I started to ask only to be cut off by Tony.

"Johnnie made sure Frank sent us a copy this morning."

"Oh," Kevin replied and relaxed back into his seat.

"The label officially will support you of course. It is the only thing to
do in this situation. However, we will not say we are for or against the
actual acts of the relationship we will stand by you and you alone as the
two of you. This should not be about your sexuality rather it should be
about you individuality," Jack said setting on the barstool.

"So, have you decided when to publish," Judy asked then added. "I took the
liberty of asking for a delay until we had your approval to agree to let it
be printed," Judy said handing Kevin a file she had been holding.

"What's this," I asked taking the folder and opening it to see all of the
pictures that had been taken of us the previous evening.

"Wow, these are actually good. We look strikingly good if I may say so
myself," I said smiling as everyone rushed to see what I was looking. I
began to laugh when Howie frowned seeing the actual photos and realizing
that they were as good as I suggested.

"Glen we need to have pictures taken like these," Howie said smiling at his
lover who gingerly stood next to him.

"They are very good. Hell, I never knew Michael was photogenic," Glen said
making me laugh right along with everyone else.


Lunch...

"Still no Jeff huh?" Judy asked Charles who had decided to join us in the
house.

"No," Chuck answered.

"Let me tell you something about powerful men. We love them because they
are powerful. They rarely love themselves enough to see the love until it
is not right in front of their faces. He will come around," Chuck looked at
her and smiled as a fresh flood of tears filled his eyes.

"Kevin I really think I should make a phone call. Would you mind if I used
your office baby," I asked and kissed him gently on the lips ready to go
call Liz.

"You know where our office is at," Kevin said making me smile. Everyone
else was making awing noises making me blush as I ran up the stairs.


The Phone call...

"Hello?" Liz asked.

"Liz it's Michael," I said not sure how to approach the subject.

"Oh hi Michael I was just about to call you," Liz paused "Is Jeff there I
have a question I need to ask him," She asked cheerily into the phone.

"Um, no actually that is why I was calling you," I said pausing not sure
what to tell her.

"Michael is everything okay, there hun?" Liz asked in a concerned voice.

"Not really. You see Jeff and Chuck got into a fight and Jeff left," I
answered her as truthfully as I needed too.

"Oh, that happens a lot Michael. Especially lately, I guess Jeff is getting
pressure from somewhere about their relationship. I'm not sure, what it is
all about neither of them talks to me anymore. After the big break up a few
years ago nothing really seems the same and at the same time, it is
better," Liz said stopping not wanting to tell every secret they have.

"Did Chuck try to stop him again," Liz asked.

"He started to but for some reason he seemed like he just gave up and that
was what Jeff wanted really so."

"So, Jeff left and you have Chuck there with you crying again right?" Liz
asked as if in a hateful tone of voice.

"That about sums it up," I answered not sure what to think of her tone of
voice.

"Tell Chuck, he still lives here one way or another. I know I am married to
Jeff but Chuck still lives with me. He still has friends who care about him
and there is nothing to worry about. He and I have talked about this
Michael. He knows he is still wanted in my life." Liz said making me smile
knowing thing were not as glum as they seemed.

"I will. Do me a favor and call me if he shows up there Liz. I know that
hotel is probably not a place he will show up today. But, just in case he
does will you let me know please," I asked her.

"Sure, and you do the same for me Michael," Liz said to me just before
hanging up the phone.


Dinner...

All that remained of the group now was Jack, Tony, Judy, Brian, Nick,
Kevin, and I.

"Food's here," Nick said walking out onto the back patio carrying the just
delivered Pizza.

"I can't believe I let you guys talk me into eating this stuff," Jack said
as he relaxed at the table with Tony sitting at his side. He again ready to
start talking about what was to happen in the morning. All day we had been
talking about what was to happen, by now you would think he would
understand that we knew what was going to happen.

"Okay, so the plan it that the guys will be here in the morning to support
you. We all know as soon as the press get a hold of this story that it will
end up being a zoo around here," Jack said taking even so, another pieces
of Pizza.

"We know Jack, now eat your pizza and shut the hell up," I said laughing at
him. It had been a long day with all of talking and working on how we would
put up a front unifying how we all felt about this and how it was just
another part of the group's diversity. But in my mind, I was still unsure
of how it would all go.

Soon enough Jack, Tony and Judy left leaving us to figure out sleeping
arrangement since Chuck was asleep in Brian's room. He had been up there
all day practically and Nick had not made matters any better giving him one
of Brian's muscle relaxers like he had.

None the less, it was time to sleep and Brian was out of a bed.

"Look you guys can just take the spare, Mom wont be back until tomorrow
Brian," Kevin said.


Sleeping brought me home...

I swam in the warmth of the ocean. The waters engulfed me as I dove deeper
into the blackness I felt contentment and happiness emanating from the
water as it washed away all my worries. Out of six months of hell, I had
now fallen into the beginnings of heaven.

His arms feeling secure, he eyes showing me their desires. He made me live
again, where I thought, for sure that I was going to die. After what had
been happening as of late with Glenn and Manerva I was beginning to dwindle
away from my self image of hope. But, here I swam in his eyes a sea of
emotions existing in his purest of heart. I was drifting again as I closed
my eyes and relaxed yet again dreaming of him in my heart and soul. The
waters began to pull away, as I was now cold and bare to the air of the
world around me.

"You know if you swim and think any harder. I would have to guess the last
six years have made you happier than I thought. I know what this has done
for me. I also know that our love is stronger than any other I have seen in
my lifetime. I love you Michael." I heard Kevin's voice as I leaned back
against him drifting in the water. I felt him as he gave way, the ocean
began to roll, and the tide dropped me naked and bare to the shore.

I was cold bewildered and lost as a Blanket wrapped tightly around me. I
snuggled down thinking of the love of this man so true and pure. How had I
ever fallen in love with such a man like Glenn? His heart was true for a
time but his eyes always spoke the truth. I knew we were wrong for one
another from the beginning. But with Kevin I have known for the past.. The
past..


(To Be Continued)

Authors Closing Notes

If you all have any questions please feel free to ask. Hopefully this will
answer some of them for you. Writergray@aol.com

1.) Yes a sort of cliffhanger. But hey aren't wet dreams fun.. Wet?

2.) I want to thank everyone who has written me the last month or so. I
really do appreciate the mail and it has made me realize not only do these
stories mean a lot to me to write. They also, mean a lot to the people
reading them.

3.) I also would like to announce that in my spare time I have written and
new N'Sync story that should be out at the beginning of February.  This is
a new area for me considering that there is no epic story line.  The story
is approximately 3 installments long.

4.) As for the roller coaster: I received some interesting responses.  You
all actually like it but would like to see it less often. This was a great
help in decision making for this as well as the next installment. Be
prepared for happy conclusions, new beginning, and a few little twists.

5.) Yes everyone is welcome to write me. Try it out you may be surprised
when you get mail back from me. I do try to answer all mail as quickly as
possible.


Thanks for reading writergray@aol.com or writergray@msn.com

Thanks,
Grayson S. Vellar