Date: Wed, 19 Apr 2000 17:35:45 CDT
From: Phantom Writer <phantomwriter73@hotmail.com>
Subject: Reality-of-a-Guardian-Angel-2

"Reality of a Guardian Angel"
By: Phantom Writer

Legal Stuff: This material is not meant to be read by anyone under 18.  If
you're offended by literature with homosexual themes, step off!  If not,
read on.  This is a work of FICTION.  Therefore, the author makes no claims
as to the sexual orientation of any member of *N Sync.

Side Note: This is part 2 of "Reality..." For those just starting to read
this story, please read the previous installments of "Dream of a Guardian
Angel" and "Reality of a Guardian Angel."  As always, for anyone who would
like to send comments or suggestions, please do
so. (phantomwriter73@hotmail.com)

Special Thanks: Thanks to everyone for reading this story. And especially
MY Boo, for helping me face my demons!

Previously...from "Reality of a Guardian Angel: A New Beginning"

"I'm afraid to ask how long the tour is."  I sunk down in my chair.

"Then don't.  There's no sense in getting all worked up over something that
hasn't even happened yet.  Who knows, it may not be as bad as you think."
Lance grinned at me, and I knew he was up to something.

That evening, Justin dropped Lance and me off at Lance's and I helped Lance
pack.  I stopped several times and left the room.  I didn't want Lance to
see me upset.  Deep down, I knew he knew I was upset, but I didn't want him
to feel guilty about leaving me behind.  I knew what I was getting into
when I admitted to myself that I was head over hills in love with Lance.


And now, "Reality of a Guardian Angel: Coming to Grips"

I left Lance to finish packing.  I surprised him by cooking some good ol'
Southern Fried Chicken, Macaroni & Cheese, Green Beans with New Potatoes,
and a Peach Cobbler.  I had a sneaking suspicion Lance knew how to cook,
but didn't let on.  Justin's pantry and fridge sure as hell wasn't as well
stocked as Lance's.  So, by the time Lance had packed a HUGE suitcase full,
he ran into the kitchen, obviously more than interested in what I had
prepared for dinner.

After we ate, I cleaned the kitchen up and joined Lance in the den.  I knew
he was up to something from the shit eatin' grin on his face.  I sat beside
him and refused to look at him.  I wasn't about to play twenty questions
and try to figure out what he was up to, so I was a perfect PRICK.

"So, did you pack enough clothes in case the weather changes while your
gone?"  I thumbed through a magazine pretending not to notice his ear to
ear grin.

"Yah, I guess.  Hey..."

"When will you be back on Friday?"  I cut him off before he could finish
his last statement.

"I don't know the exact time we fly back, but I can call you when I find
out.  Hey..."

"So, will it be strange to be around..." This time Lance cut me off.

"Hold up.  What's with the cold shoulder?  I've got a present..."

"Ah-HA!  I knew you had somethin' up your sleeve."  I turned and smiled at
Lance.

"What?"  Lance was confused at the way I was acting.

"I saw you grinnin' like a possum eatin' shit and wasn't ABOUT to ask you
what was goin' on, so I figured I'd make YOU spill the beans.  Now, what'd
you get me?"  I pulled out my best five-year-old voice and started hopping
up and down.

"I'm not gonna tell you now.  You ruined the mood with your little 'I
figured I'd make YOU spill the beans' attitude."  Lance tried his best to
pout, but I fixed that!

"Well, I have my ways of makin' people talk, you know."  I knelt down
between his legs and started rubbing his inner thigh, making my way to his
crotch.  From the bulge I felt, I would say I had altered his MOOD
somewhat.

"Damn, I'll never be able to keep a secret from you!"  Lance moaned and
grabbed my face with both hands, pulling me to his lips.  We kissed ever so
gently.

"Damn straight, 'cause secrets have no place in OUR relationship.  Keep
that in mind while you're on the road."  I was kidding, but then I wasn't.

"My heart belongs to you, and that's why I got you this gift."  Lance held
out a small box.

I slowly opened the box, half expecting some form of jewelry.  But what was
inside was better than diamonds or gold: a key to Lance's apartment.  I
looked at it for minutes, trying to hold back the tears.  I had never been
given a key to someone else's place before.  That signified to me that
Lance had nothing to hide and welcomed me without hesitation.  Holding back
the tears?  Didn't happen.  I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but love
and contentment.

"I...I don't know what to say!"  I smiled through my tears, a little
embarrassed over getting so emotional about a key to the front door.

"Just say you won't lose it; it's my only spare!"  Lance grinned at me as I
rolled my eyes at him.

"Good one, Boo."

Lance and I turned in for the night.  Lance got completely undressed and
climbed into bed.  I sat on the edge of the bed as the tears started to
fall.  I had become addicted to the warmth of Lance beside me at night.  I
didn't know how I would manage when he was gone.  This would only be the
sixth night that Lance and I slept together, fifth if you don't count the
night of the accident.  And yet, sleeping next to Lance was like second
nature.  I found myself exasperated at the whole dependency aspect of my
thoughts.  I had always been so independent.  Then again, I had forced that
independence on myself by not coming out, and had developed a pattern of
guarding myself from the world.  Lance startled me when he kissed my neck.

"Jase, you wanna talk about it?"  Lance knew I was upset about him leaving.

"Can you just...hold me...for awhile?"  I spoke in between sniffs.

"Sure.  And if you feel like talking, just talk, and I'll listen."  Lance's
deep voice was so soothing.

Lance held me for more than thirty minutes before I spoke.  I had been
listening to the steady beat of his heart as my head rested on his chest.
I listened to the even sound of his breathing, and yet I knew he was awake.
I collected my thoughts and began to speak.

"Lance, I've never had a relationship like this before.  I've never felt
connected to anyone in the way I'm connected to you.  It's hard for me to
admit, but I'm having difficulty dealing with this relationship."  I knew I
had FUCKED my world with my choice of words, or so I thought.

"Jason, tell me why you're having difficulty."  Lance's voice wasn't angry.
It was more loving than I had ever heard.  I looked into his eyes as the
tears started to flow.

"Lance, what I meant to say was, I'm having difficulty dealing with my own
emotions our relationship is bringing to the surface.  I've never been
dependent on another person since I realized I was gay.  Sure, my parents
took care of me until I left for college, but I wasn't dependent on them
emotionally.  I was too afraid they would reject me if they knew the true
me, the GAY me.  So, I built a façade.  I never let anyone see my pain,
or know how much I wanted to scream to the world that I'M GAY, GET A GRIP,
AND LET'S MOVE ON!  That's why I tend to shut down when my emotions get out
of control.  I never had anyone I could talk to and work things out.  Music
was the only thing I had to keep from going crazy!  That's why I
desperately wanted my family to learn to accept me for who I am.  That way,
I could rebuild the relationship I had before I began hiding myself away.
Friends I had for years turned their backs on me because I had been living
a lie and wasn't honest with them about who I am.  I know that now, but I
can never get back what I've lost."  I couldn't keep the sobs back anymore.

"Oh, Jase.  I know how you feel.  I..." Lance was shocked when I jumped up
to my knees and knelt in the bed.

"God, I pray you NEVER know how I feel.  Lance, because I was so afraid of
the world rejecting me, I spent ten years, TEN YEARS of my life hiding
behind the façade I had built.  It took every thing I had inside to tell
my family I'm gay.  I hope you NEVER have to go through what I've been
through.  I won't LET you.  I was almost dead inside until I met you and
the guys.  Can't you see, now that I have friends who accept me for me, I
don't know where the REAL Jason begins, and the FAKE Jason ends.  I'm just
so confused. I don't know..." I couldn't continue.  I didn't think I was
making any sense and I didn't have the words to explain.

"Jason, listen to me.  I can't imagine the pain you've experienced.  And
I'll never pretend to.  It's just...I know about pretending to be something
you're not.  I did it for years, and I'm still doing it today.  Honestly, I
would've never told anyone I was gay when I did, not until I saw how
accepting you and the guys were.  So, I know about being scared and feeling
alone.  Just let me help you discover the real you.  No matter what, just
realize that I love you, and WE will help each other through the fear and
confusion."  Lance pulled me down beside him.

The moment Lance wrapped his arms and legs around me, I cried tears that
came from so deep within, they stung my face with the intensity of emotion
they conveyed.  Lance held me so tight an atomic blast couldn't have
separated us.  I fell asleep as Lance continued to hold me and stoke my
hair, never letting me see his own tears.

I was startled awake with an odd feeling I was being watched.  Little did I
know, Lance had gotten up early, dressed, and asked the guys to come by a
little early so we could say good-bye in private.  Airports had a tendency
to result in weird circumstances when it came to the six of us.  Between
the MEN'S ROOM scene in Dallas, the whole tabloid crap in Orlando, and then
my NOT boarding a doomed flight, I was not going to complain about not
saying good-bye at the airport.  However, like I said, I can be a BITCH in
the morning.

"Look who's wakin' up!  Isn't he just so adorable, all cuddled up in the
blankets."  Justin was baby talkin' and really puttin' on the drama.

"Blow it out your ass, Timberlake!"  I pulled the blankets over my head and
buried my face in the pillow.

"Damn, and I thought YOU got pissy in the mornings, Justin.  Let me try.
Jase, rise and shine, sleepy head!"  JC was hammin' it up like Justin had.

"STEP OFF, Chasez!"  I spoke into the pillow, but I knew JC heard me.

"Come on, this is how you wake someone up!"  Chris said this as he grabbed
the covers and pulled them to the floor.  Lance had started to say 'Wait,'
but Chris acted too quickly.

Needless to say, I was PISSED.  I do NOT like to be FORCED out of bed, for
any reason.  I was so pissed, it never registered that I was stark naked
and everyone in the room, including Lance, was bug-eyed with embarrassment.
I stood ON the bed and held my hand out.  Lance didn't even have to ask,
and handed me a pair of boxers.  I put them on right there in front of
everyone.  After I was 'dressed,' I glared at each one of them.  Not a word
was spoken by anyone.

"First, if any of you, including you Boo, ever, and I mean EVER pull the
covers off of me when I'm in bed, you best be prepared to run for the
hills, or FUCK the livin' daylights out of me!"  I had gotten over being
pissed once I saw the hilariously SHOCKED faces of everyone while I stood
there naked.  (Why is it that people are so afraid to look at a naked
person?  We're all born that way!)  I grinned evilly and stepped down from
the bed, walking past my bewildered friends.

I went to the kitchen and started a fresh pot of coffee.  I needed my
caffeine before I confronted the whole good-bye ordeal.  Minutes later,
Lance, JC, Justin, Joey and Chris emerged and looked at me as if I was a
two-headed dragon or something.  I poured myself a cup of coffee and took a
sip.

"Now, good morning y'all."  I looked at the group of still somewhat shocked
faces and couldn't help but start giggling.

"Jase, babe, can we come closer, or should we let you finish your coffee
first?"  Lance wasn't really sure if I was pissed or what.

"WE can come closer, providing y'all wipe those stupid looks off your
faces."  Everyone relaxed and eventually began to laugh at the whole
ordeal.

"Hey, Jase.  I'm sorry about the covers 'thang' in the bedroom.  I
never..." I cut Chris off before he could finish.

"Boyfriend, PLEASE.  We all know you've been scopin' out my ass.  I'm just
sorry RED had to witness your moment of uncontrolled lust!"  I spoke
matter-of-factly.  Everyone but Chris laughed.

"I guess I deserved that.  But seriously, I'm sorry."  Chris truly was
concerned that he had offended me.

"CK, come here."  Chris looked at me, trying to judge my intentions.

"O...K."

"Now, let me fill you in on a little secret.  There're only two things you
need to know to keep yourself off my Shit List.  One, don't force me out of
bed.  You can jump on me, or do what ever.  Just let me get out on my own
terms.  And two, if you fuck up and get on my Shit List, all you have to do
is give me a hug and say you won't make the same mistake AGAIN!"  I smiled
at Chris as my words registered.  He relaxed and gave me a hug.

"I'm sorry."  Chris whispered into my ear.

"HEY, what's with me not gettin' a hug this morning?"  Lance was pouting.

"Well, if you had stayed in bed instead of lettin' these knit-wits in, you
probably would have gotten a HELL of a lot more than a HUG!"  I walked over
to Lance, hugged him, cupping his ass with my hands and then kissed him
passionately.

"Hey guys, I hate to cut this short, but we've got a plane to catch."  Joey
walked over and grabbed me by the shoulders.  After Lance and I finished
kissing, Joey spun me around into a warm embrace.  "You know, I'm gonna
miss your damn remarks while we're gone.  Just promise to save the good
ones until we get back."

"I don't know why I should bother.  You never get them anyway!"  I smiled
at Joey as he grinned and released me.

"I know we'll be back Friday, but I guess I'm gonna miss your smart ass
too!"  Chris hugged me quickly as he and Joey moved toward the door.

"Hey you, we'll call you on your cell when we know the exact time we're
comin' back.  And don't plan anything for when we get back.  My mom should
be in Friday as well and I want her to meet you, OK!"  Justin said this
while he hugged me.

"Jase, we'll be back before you know it."  JC hugged me and then looked
into my eyes.  The tears were already forming.

"Hon, I'll call you tonight when we get settled in.  And promise me you'll
call me if you need to, no matter what time it is."  Lance held in his
tears as he hugged and kissed me good-bye.  (To think we were all so
emotional, and they would be back in four days.  DRAMA!)

As Lance released me, he turned and headed for the door, never letting me
see his tears.  He picked up his suitcase and walked toward the waiting
limo.  JC and Justin were close behind Lance until I stopped them.  They
both looked at me with concern.

"Guys, don't let Lance get worried about me.  I don't want to cause any
problems with your work.  Make sure to keep him on an even keel, OK?"  I
looked at both JC and Justin intensely.  All they could do was nod and walk
away.  I waved and shut the door.  I sighed heavily, and decided to call
Leslie.

Leslie and I talked for about an hour, and I decided I should actually make
my way back to Dallas sooner, rather than later.  So, I called the airline,
reserved a seat on the next flight to Dallas, and got dressed and ready to
leave.  Since I had never reclaimed my duffel bag from Lance's now deceased
4-Runner, I didn't really have to pack.  I grabbed my cell phone and was
off once the taxi arrived.

My flight left about two hours after the guys had flown out, so I decided
to call Lance after I arrived in Dallas.  Once I was off the plane, I
grabbed a taxi and headed to my downtown loft.  I called Lance's cell phone
and was shocked to hear an answer without even a full ring on the other
end.

"Hello!"

"Damn, you expectin' a call, or what?"  I started laughing at how anxious
Lance's voice sounded.

"Thank God.  I called the apartment and didn't get an answer.  And I think
I wrote your cell phone number down wrong.  I keep gettin' some bitch with
a REAL attitude problem.  So, where are you?"  Lance was freaking out a
little.

"Dallas."  I waited for a response.

"D...Dallas?"  Lance's voice was quite.

"Pull it out of your ass, Boo.  I just decided to come to Dallas to say
good-bye to Leslie in person and finish up some last minute business.  I'll
be back before y'all arrive.  Besides, I have some things here in Dallas
that I want to take to Orlando."  I was starting to feel bad about not
telling Lance I had left before I did.

"Well, as long as you're back in Orlando when I get there, I'm cool.  But
what's so important in Dallas that you couldn't have a moving company pack
for you?"  Lance was speaking in his normal tone of voice now; no worry
could be detected.

"My music, for one.  And I have a couple of things I want to keep and show
y'all once we're all together again."  I sighed as the taxi pulled up in
front of my building.  "Boo. I'm gonna let you go.  I'm at my loft and the
signal won't carry in the elevator.  Hey, before you go, give Justin a kiss
for me."  I started laughing.

"Excuse me?"  Lance was baffled.

"I said give Justin a kiss and say it's from me.  Oh yeah, and call him
SEXY KNICKERS.  That ought to keep the five of you in laughter for a while.
And don't think I won't know if you don't carry out this joke.  Remember, I
have Justin's cell phone number and I am not afraid to use it!"  I was
laughing hard, but suddenly stopped.

"What's wrong?"  Lance was confused.

"No tongue, something simple.  I don't want JC and you fightin' over a damn
joke!"  I started giggling.

"OK, but if World War III starts over this, It's not gonna be pretty!"
Lance started giggling.

"Boo, I love you, and don't worry about me.  We'll be together before you
can say Miss on you Pister, You ain't so Muckin' Fuch, Go in your own Jack
yard to Back off.  Bye!"  I heard a startled 'WHAT?' as I hung up.  I knew
that would entertain Lance for at least a day or two.

I rode the elevator to my floor and quickly entered my loft.  It felt
different, and yet so familiar.  I started packing and getting ready to
meet Leslie.  We were going to our last Happy Hour together, at least for a
while anyway.

I returned to my loft around 7:30 and decided to call Justin to see if
Lance had carried out my wishes.  After finally locating my cell phone, I
scanned the memory until I found Justin's number.

"Hello?"  Justin sounded tired.

"Hey SEXY KNICKERS, what's up?"  I contained my laughter, even in my
slightly intoxicated state.

"OH BOY, are you gonna get it when we get back to Orlando.  You damn near
caused JC to have a fuckin' heart attack.  Luckily, I had told JC about our
conversation when you came up with my nickname and had joked about callin'
me SEXY KNICKERS in your dreams.  If I hadn't, I think JC would have kicked
Lance's ass.  And if I were you, Jase..." Justin was cut off and I heard
some rustling around in the background.

"YOUR ASS IS MINE, JASE!"  JC wasn't really mad, or so I hoped.

"We'll see.  You know you love me, J-say!"  I started laughing, as did JC.

"You know, who would imagine you could still keep us all riled up when your
thousands of miles away.  You're something else, you know that?"  JC's
normal tone had returned.

"Baby, you're preachin' to the choir!  NOW, go give Lance a kiss for me and
you two make up.  LISTEN, I said make UP, not make OUT!  And NO tongue!"
JC started laughing evilly and I realized I never should have started this
little game.

"We'll see."  JC handed the phone back to Justin.

"So, what's up with you?  Are you...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING?"  JC
had evidently done what I said and Justin was somewhere between shocked and
pissed.

"Yo, Capt'n.  Keep yourself in check.  I just wanted to make peace over
Lance kissin' you earlier.  Besides, it's nothing but a damn kiss.  They
aren't gettin' married or anything!"  I started giggling.

"You know what, you best be prepared for when we return.  I don't know how
and I don't know when, but WE are gonna get you for stirrin' this pot of
shit up.  And I mean WE.  I've known Lance and JC long enough to say OUR
revenge is gonna blow you away.  Fair warning!"  Justin started giggling to
himself at the silliness of the entire ordeal.

"Well, if I remember right, you were the one that declared WAR over the
little VODKA prank.  I'm just keepin' a skirmish or two goin' until we can
face off, one on one.  Well, I gotta jet.  My flight leaves Thursday
afternoon, and I've got a ton of shit to get done before then.  And Justin,
keep an eye on Lance for me, OK?"

"I will, Jase.  See ya soon!"  Justin hung up.

I sat on my couch and started thinking about nothing and everything.  Less
than a week ago, I had been a different person.  Now, I had five of the
best friends I could have ever thought to have at this time in my life.
Better yet, I had my soul mate.  I decided to get busy packing to keep my
mind off missing Lance.  I found it funny, still, that I had connected to
Lance so deeply in such a short time.  I used to think love at first sight
was only possible in dreams, but I was living the reality of it.  I was
staring to come to grips with the new life I so desperately needed, and
luckily had found.

TBC...

How will Jase handle the separation?  What about Justin's mom; will Jase
tell her he's gay?  Will JUSTIN?