Date: Tue, 28 Nov 2000 07:40:07 -0800 (PST)
From: Laura Johnson <Rei_Mars13@excite.com>
Subject: Dreaming chapters 1-5

*Disclaimer, I do not know Nsync all I know is that they like to 
Sing.  This is all fiction.  If it mirrors real life then I am 
Quitting as a writer and becoming a psychic.  :) DON'T COPY AND 
PLAGARIZE!!!  Or I'll have to sick my dragon on you! *

Dreaming: Chapter one

Dreaming of you
Every single day and,
Every single night of my life
But someone else is holding you tight
So I'll see you in my dreams 

They all wondered why he slept so much, joked about it and basically 
Gave him hell for it.  What they didn't know is...he slept because it 
Was in the state of false reality that he could hold him in his arms 
And not be afraid.  Afraid of His peers, His family, and his morals.  
It was in his dreams where all his wishes came true and HE was always 
There.  Every chance he got he would disappear into his slumber, 
Where happiness was all he felt and no one could take it away.

Have you ever wanted someone so bad?
That you really didn't care if they had
Any idea how you feel
Cause your dreams are all so real

There were times where it would just be the two of them, sitting 
Around watching a movie or something and he would glance up and not 
Know whether or not it was real.  He was absolutely perfect.  His 
Hair, his eyes, His lips...There was once where he was watching him 
Eat and the cutest smile crossed his face.  He actually had to pinch 
Himself to see if it was another dream, and realizing it was, he 
Mentally photocopied the image in his mind to remember in his dreams.

Please help me 
To understand this feeling
I'm dreaming, your body so appealing
You're committed to someone else
But here in my dreams I have you all to myself

It hurt sometimes to wake up.  Pain that shot through him, emotional 
More then physical.  His eyes would open and his paradise would drift 
Away into nothing, his heart and soul aching for another moment when 
He could find himself back in the place where he knew true 
Happiness.  

I know how your lips taste
And feel though
I've never kissed them for real
So I find myself drifted away
To my secret place

It was really...perfect.  One again he laid down in his bunk, sleep 
Coming faster each time as the longing to touch him panged him.  His 
Eyes drifting close, a smile across his face.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the lord; you're in my dreams
But you're committed to someone else
But here in my mind 
I have you all to myself.

One simple word escaped his lips as he dreamed in paradise.  One word 
That summed it up, all his love, passion, desires...One word...

"Justin."


Chapter two

Late at night 
when all the world is sleeping 
I stay up and think of you 
and I wish on a star 
that somewhere you 
are thinking of me too

He looked out of the window of the bus. The Stars in the sky, the 
moon shining bright, it was all so magical in the passing scenery. 
But for some reason he wasn't happy. He knew why. It was 
silly...Sleep seemed to be evading him lately, he couldn't fall 
asleep and when he did it wasn't for long. He hated it. His dreams 
weren't there anymore, just the painful reality that he could never 
be happy in real life.

Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight 
'Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight 
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be 
Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me 

Tears were actually streaming down his face. He couldn't believe it. 
He was crying over a dream relationship!!! But it felt oh so good. 
For once in his life he felt loved, wanted, even if it wasn't real. 
He knew he wasn't being quiet anymore. He sobs were semi-loud and 
choked with his tears.

Wonder if you ever see me 
and I wonder if you know I am there 
if you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside? 
Would you even care? 

He heard someone stirring in their bunks, he hoped it wasn't him. 
Stifling his cries of internal pain he laid his head down on the 
couch and tried to fall asleep...nothing. Not even the least bit of 
exaughtion. Sensing a presence he looked up to see Lance's sleepy 
figure looking down at him with extremely concerned eyes.
"J...What's wrong?" He said sitting next to him. 

I just wanna hold you close but so far 
all I have are dreams of you 
so I wait for the day and the courage to say 
how much I love you. 

Jc involuntarily let Lance pull him closer when he didn't answer. 
What was he s'posed to say... 'I am upset cuz I can't sleep and 
that's the only way I can be happy cuz I'm in Love with Justin???' 
Never.
"I...I can't sleep..."
"Is that all?" He asked. Jc rolled his eyes...
"yeah, that's all..."
He felt a gentle tugging on his sleeve as Lance let him rest his head 
on his lap. Jc listened as Lance started humming a song. he 
recognized it as a selena song... 

I'll be dreaming of you tonight 
'Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight! 
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be 
Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me 

Surprisingly he felt himself falling asleep, Lance's soothing voice crooning
soft melodies. Jc didn't dream though...and he realized it in a state of
unconsciousness...what he didn't realize though, was the dreams were evading
him because his true love wasn't in a dream...His true love was closer then
he thought...


Chapter 3

His eyes opened slowly.  Almost un-willingly but the pang in his 
stomach was killing him.  He almost wished he didn't have to 
eat...but his stomach was killing him.  as he made his way to the 
kitchen area of the bus he tried to remember his dream.  he knew it 
was weird, it had a final destination twang to it...but the rest was 
a blur.  He glanced in the mirror as he made his way back to his buck 
after giving up on the food.  he was pale.  sickly pale.  and 
scrawny. 'well, Jc that's what you get for not eating.'  he ignored 
his thoughts and climbed back into his bunk.  his stomach however had 
other ideas then sleep.  It grumbled unrelentlessly.  Sighing he 
reached under his pillow and pulled out a plastic container, he 
popped it open and pulled out two small white pills.  shoving the 
bottle back in his hiding place he swallowed the painkillers and let 
the sleepiness take over him.    

I lose my way, 
no one cares. 
The words I say, 
no one hears. 
My life it seems, 
is a world of dreams. 
Deep in the night, 
you'll find me. 
Dream and you'll find 
behind me. 
Stay .. if you stay. 
We'll dream the night away. 

Dreams to dreams, 
in the dark of the night. 
When the world goes wrong, 
I can still make it right. 
I can see so far in my dreams, 
I'll follow my dreams, 
until they come true. 

There is a star, 
waiting to guide us. 
Shining inside us, 
when we close our eyes. 
Come with me, 
you will see what I mean. 
Let the world inside, 
no one else ever sees. 
You will go so far in my dreams, 
some where in my dreams, 
your dreams will come true. 

Don't let go, 
if you stay close to me. 
In my dreams tonight, 
you will see what I see. 
Dreams to dreams, 
as near as can be, 
inside you and me, 
they'll always come true. 

Inside you and me, 
it'll always come...... 
true


Dreaming: Chapter 4

The desire to dream, to be in a world that was thought to be filled 
with perfect happiness, brought upon pain to those unseen by the 
Dreamer's eyes.  They worried and panicked when the one they loved in 
secret hearts slipped into a world of fantasy, choosing to forget 
reality.  Why?  They didn't know.
				.       .       .
He followed behind his blonde friend, his eyes red and drooping.  His 
shoulders sagging; the smile gone from his face.  Worry filled his 
eyes as he stepped into the hotel room.  His closest friends all 
sitting around avoiding eye contact when ever possible.
"What's going on you guys?"  Jc asked sitting on the table next to 
the door.  Justin looked up at him, genuine concern and hurt in his 
eyes.  Joey looked over at Chris then at Lance.  Neither of them 
would look at Jc.  Taking a deep breath Joey started.
"Truthfully Josh..." 
That worried him.  Joey's voice was sad, worried.  This was Joey the 
guy who could out last anyone at the bar, always smiled and never 
ever let anything get to him.  That and he used his full name.  
Josh.  No one ever said just Josh unless they meant business.   It 
was usually when he did something wrong.  
"We're worried about you..."  Justin said looking away from his 
friend.  Jc knew why...he was crying.  
"Why are you worried about me...I'm fine...just a little tired."  He said 
yawning just to prove his point.  
"That's just it...you are always tired.  Unless we have a concert or 
some Tv thing you are always sleeping...and frankly it's not healthy."  
Chris said.
"What are you talking about...I feel fine."
"Josh...You haven't eaten in a week, and don't lie to me, I've been 
watching you."  Lance said.
"What?"  Justin said.  
"I just haven't been hungry."  He defended, it pained him to see 
Justin so sad.  He was too perfect to cry, and he was the cause of it.
"That's bull Jc."  Joey said his temper rising.
"What!?  Can't a guy just be tired??!!"  he asked getting to his 
feet.  No answer.  No one even looked at him.  "I'm going to bed."
"Josh..."  Justin said softly tears choking his voice.
"What Justin?"  He asked losing his patience.
"Why are you taking pills?"
The rest of the group looked from Justin to Jc in shock. 
"What?!  What pills Jc?"  Chris demanded stepping up to him.
"He's been taking pain killers and Sleeping pills together."
"What?!"  Lance exclaimed, "Jc a combination like that is lethal..."  
Then is dawned on them.  Every last person in the room looked up at 
Jc.
"Jc..."  Lance started, "Are you suicidal?"  Jc looked up at him 
surprised.
"What?!  No.  Of course not."
"Then what are you trying to escape???"  Justin asked wiping at the 
tears running down his face.  Jc looked down at the ground, trying to 
find the right words.  He faced his friends; tears brimming in his 
own eyes.
"You wouldn't understand."  He said simply. "I'm going to bed."  He 
turned and started to walk out, he was stopped short by Chris who 
slammed the door shut.  
"We want to understand, Josh."  He said only inches from Jc's face.  
Looking deep in his tired eyes, Chris saw...nothing.  There was no 
light in those eyes that Jc had before.  There was nothing there.  
Letting go of the door he backed off letting Jc leave the room.  
After the door shut behind him shocked expressions was all he 
received. 
"Why'd you let him go?"  Joey asked.
"I let him leave because we can't help him.  He's gone you guys, 
there is no Jc left in there.  What ever it is that he is hiding, 
what ever it is that he won't tell us..." He looked down at the floor 
then looked each one of his band mates in the eyes, "It's already 
killed him."


Dreaming: Chapter 5

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am

Happiness achieved through illusion.  Paradise manifested in 
Fantasy.  He'd never be happy without love in his life, but he 
Couldn't live with the pain.  His own selfish desires created an 
Obsession.  He glanced over at the small pill bottle laying on his 
Dresser.

I don't think I can take another empty moment
I don't think I can fake another empty smile
It's not enough just to be sorry
I don't think I could take another talk about it

Tears pushed him towards slumber as he paced his hotel room.  His own 
Petty thoughts disturbed by a voice of an angel.
"Jc.can I come in. I want to talk."  

Just like me you've got needs
And they're only a whisper away
And we softly surrender 
To these lives that we've 
Turned away.

Opening the door Jc's heart sank when he saw what was before him.  
Justin stood there tears drying on his cheeks, his eyes swollen and 
Puffy.  Silence.  They walked into the room together and sat down on 
The bed.  Still silence.  Not a word was exchanged, the connection 
Was enough?

Don't want to be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't want to be somewhere I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just to be sorry

Jc pulled Justin close to him, holding onto him like he'd never let 
Go.  Together they broke down in endless sobs.  
"Jc."  He asked softly, his face now only inches from his best 
Friends, "Why don't you like me?" 
'If you only know the truth Justin.'  Jc thought to himself.  

Don't you feel the darkness? 
Closing in
Tried to be more then me
And I gave it till it all went away
And we've only surrendered
To the worst part of
These winters we've made

"Justin...I could never hate you."
Those simple words finished the eternal bond, a spark lit that would 
Lit an eternal flame in their heart.  The heat exchanged was 
Suffocating, he leaned in closer and their lips touched in a kiss 
Filled with years of forbidden passion.  Soft, sweet...everything he 
Dreamed of.
"Oh god."  Jc muttered standing up.
"I'm sorry...I just..."
"No it's not you I...Oh fuck I am so sorry Justin I didn't think you 
Could..."
"What...that I could love you?  I always have."
"Shit...I am so sorry...I didn't know...I...I..."
"Jc.what did you do?"
"I...I..."
Justin followed Jc's gaze to the floor where a small white bottle was 
Lying amongst the clothes.  He reached down and picked it up only to 
Find it was empty.

I am all that I'll ever be
When you lay your hands on me
But don't go weak
On me now
I know that it's
Weak
But God help me I need this
I will not sleep in this bed of lies.



Chapter six is a special chapter because I am getting all my readers
involved.  You tell me what YOU want to happen next; your suggestions can
revolve around Jc Justin Chris anyone!  I am ending this on Nov. 30th...so
tell me quick!!!