Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999 14:22:11 PDT
From: Rachel Lewis <rachelelewis@hotmail.com>
Subject: Escape 15-17

Okay it's finally done. Sorry it took so long, but there were a number of
reasons for it. A: I just moved into my dorm last week and have been going
nuts with school. B: I really haven't liked what I was writing. I have
erased portions of this story so many times. C: I'm at college. I'm having
fun! I don't have as much time to write. Enough of my excuses. I need to
thank Sarah. She has been one of my most loyal readers and after a frantic
e-mail from me asking for help, she agreed to read what I had. Without her
help, you would be getting a much worse story then this.

I really need you to give me feedback about this section. I'm very unsure
of whether or not I should continue this story or not. It's not because
people don't like it, it's because I'm not sure if I like it anymore. It's
becoming very hard and frustruating to write it.

Okay enough of that as well. There are two stories I think you should check
out. They are kind of recent. One is 'Busta'. Just go read it if you
haven't. It is the most original way of looking at a boyband story
ever. The second is 'Separate Lives'. Now, Brian is not a favorite
character of mine because I think he is overused, but this story is really
great. Read it. Also the old classic like 'Brian and Justin', 'N sync and
the Vamps', 'Brian and me', 'Adam-Zach-and BSB, and 'Search and Rescue' are
great as well.



Disclaimer time: This is fiction. It in no way implies that the people in
this story are anything like the way they are portrayed as. It's fiction!
Blah blah blah. 18 and such, you know that one already.




				ESCAPE




Chapter 15



	AJ surveyed the faces of the five other people in the limo with
him. None of them really wanted to be here. For the past week and a half,
him, Kevin, Nick and Brian had basically lived at the hospital with Howie
and Ameena. Thankfully, the situation was getting better daily. Today,
Ameena and Howie had gotten to hold Luna in their arms for the first
time. She had been taken off the respirator two days ago.

He snuggled up against Kevin, not wanting to wake him. Kevin was
exhausted. They all were. And they were under obligation to show up at the
MTV Video Music Awards tonight no matter what. Originally, MTV had gotten
pissed that Howie wasn't going to be there, but after they all threaten to
pull out, they relented and let Howie out of the contract.

	AJ watched as Allie ran her hands through Nick's hair, making it
stand on end even more. She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the lips.
He smiled back at her, caressing her cheek. AJ loved to watch the two of
them together. She was a daring girl though. Marilyn had picked out her
outfit and it showed.

	He took in the whole outfit again. A long black silk skirt with a
slit almost up to the top of her thighs covered up a pair of knee length
spiked heels with metal tips. Her breasts were covered with a black silk
bandeau top and her stomach was bare. She had elbow length gloves on made
of chainmail and silk. Her hair was intricately styled to look like she had
a black bow on her head with silver silk ribbons weaved into it.
Considering how pale she was naturally, the black just made her look like a
ghost.
	
	Naturally she was the most outrageously dressed of all of them.
Nick was pulling a close second though in an outfit Allie had picked out
for him. He had on a tight green shirt with black leather pants and
motorcycle boots. His hair had been cut recently changing his long blond
mop into a short, spiky look. Personally AJ thought it made him look like
Lance from 'N sync, but Nick didn't seem to care. She had spiked his hair
with Jell-O so it was standing straight up. She had even put a collar on
him. AJ was very glad that tonight's outfits didn't have to be okayed by
management.

	Brian and Shelley looked comfortable and plain in comparison. He
had on a pair of black pants, a blue T-shirt and a long black leather
jacket. She was wearing a short blue skirt with a black baby doll T-
shirt. Her blond hair was piled on top of her head in a messy French twist.

	For once, he and Kevin were the least dressed up. Kevin was wearing
tight black dress pants and a black sweater. Nothing fancy at all. AJ was
the least-dressed up of all of them, with a pair of black parachute pants
and a tight yellow shirt. Neither of them had gone shopping for tonight and
they had no clue whose clothing line they were wearing. AJ was pretty sure
his shirt was from Target. And he knew Kevin's pants were from Sears
because he bought them for him last month.  Those were going to be great
answers for those fun 'whose clothes are you wearing' questions.

	Kevin began to stir in his sleep, waking up slightly. For the past
week he had been having nightmares, which were keeping him up. He tried to
grab a few minutes of undisturbed sleep whenever possible. AJ stroked his
cheek, trying to put him back to sleep for a little longer.
	
	"Are we there yet?" Kevin asked sleepily.

	"Almost old man. Then we get to brave the crowds." Everyone groaned
simultaneously. Kevin sat up and rubbed his eyes.

	"Why are we doing this again?" He asked no one in general.

	"Because we have to." Nick answered dully.

	"Okay we need to try and be upbeat for this appearance. It is the
first one you have made as a group since the press conference months
ago. We have to all pretend we are happy."

	Shelley went into PR mode. She did it well having been one for a
few years with Fiona Apple before switching careers to something much less
stressful, law.

	Kevin nodded and plastered a fake smile on his face. Brian began to
laugh at him.

	"Too many teethies Kev. You're going to scare people."

	"Cool."

	The limo stopped and the driver opened the window between the front
and back of the limo.

	"We're here. Ready or not, here's MTV."

	He opened the door for them, helping Allie out first. Nick, who
waved to the crowd, followed her. Brian was next and he helped Shelley
out. The crowd was screaming by now. Kevin took a deep breath and put
another, less scary fake smile on. He exited the limo and waved to
everyone, smiling brightly.

	AJ couldn't seem to make himself move. He felt like he was glued to
the seat. He didn't want to do this. Now would be a time when he would be
nicely buzzed to get through the evening. He was missing that alcohol
advantage. Kevin stuck his head back in and smiled at him.

	"Come on sexy. I'm getting lonely out here."

	He held his hand out to AJ, who grabbed it and left the safe
confines of the limo. The two of them waved as the crowd screamed their
names. They followed the other four, holding hands as they walked.

	Fans holding out things for them to sign and screaming stopped
them. Allie and Shelley hung back, watching the four boys sign as fast as
possible.

	"Is your dad going to be here tonight?" Shelley asked the young
girl quietly.

	"Yeah, Marilyn and the rest of the guys are the surprise performers
they have been going on and on about. I was hoping to get to see the two of
them. I haven't seen them since graduation in May."

	Shelley saw Allie's eyes fill with tears. She hugged her tightly.

	"These past few months must have been so hard on you. I wish I
could have been of some help."

	"Thanks Shelley. I had people around me all summer keeping me
company. And the three weeks in Orlando with Nick helped a lot too. I just
haven't been away from my father this long ever. And with starting college
and planning a wedding, I'm just starting to feel overwhelmed."

	Nick quickly glanced in Allie and Shelley's direction to check that
they weren't being bothered. From where he was, he could see Allie's eyes
glistening with unshed tears. He quickly finished the autograph he was
signing and went over to her.

	"Allie are you okay?" She buried her face into his chest, holding
him tightly around the waist.

	"Do you think we can go find her father Nick?"

	"Of course we can. Let me get the others."

	Shelley put her hand on Nick's shoulder and shook her head. She
mouthed to him: I'll go get them. You stay with Allie. He nodded.

	She walked over to Brian and tapped his shoulder. He turned to see
whom it was, smiling when he saw her.

	"Hey beautiful. Is everything okay?"

	"We want to go find Mikel. Did you know Allie hasn't seen him since
the end of May?"

	"No, poor girl." Brian grabbed Kevin's arm and pulled him away. AJ
followed them to where Allie and Nick were waiting.

	The four guys joined hands and took a bow, causing the crowd to
scream even louder. Nick put his arm around Allie and they began looking
for someone who could point them in the right direction.

	"There's Carson. Maybe he will know." Nick said pointing at the VJ
across the way.

	"Nick, since when has Carson known anything of importance?"

	Nick shrugged, but continued in Carson's direction despite Brian's
lack of faith.

	"Carson, how are you man?" Nick shook his hand firmly.

	"Nick, good to see you guys. How are you?"

	"Not bad. I was wondering if you knew where the Manson camp was
holding court?"

	"Why are you looking for the freak show?"

	"I wanted to see my future father-in-laws why else." He glared at
Carson briefly.

	"Actually Allison wanted to see her dad, so we thought we would ask
instead of searching for days like idiots."

	Nick let the freak show comment pass. Carson had a bad run-in with
Marilyn and the rest of the guys a few years ago and was still bitter.

	"Okay, well I really haven't seen them since the band talked to
Kurt earlier. I bet he would know. If you go upstairs you can ask him.  Hey
and you can do a meet and greet at the same time."

	"Let me ask them. Hold on." Carson was grinning like an idiot at
Nick. He had always had a slight crush on Nick in the past. Apparently he
still did.

	"Do we want to do a quick interview with Kurt? Carson said he would
know where Marilyn is at."

	The other three groaned at the thought, but reluctantly nodded.

	"Yeah we will. Can we do it now though?"

	"Let me check." Carson spoke quietly into the headset he had on.
He was silent for a moment, waiting for an answer.

	"Yeah, Kurt is just finishing up with Brandy now. I'll take you
over to him."

	They followed Carson to the balcony overlooking the entrance to the
Met where Kurt was doing brief interviews with the celebrities. Kurt shook
everyone's hand and exchanged pleasantries with them. They were handed
microphones and ushered into chairs opposite Kurt.

	"Before we start, Kurt do you know where the Manson camp is at?"

	He shook his head. "No, but I can have someone check the seating
chart. I'm pretty sure he is already inside. There were some last minute
problems with his surprise performance."

	"Was my father with him?" Allie asked hopefully.

	"Yeah, he was here when I interviewed them earlier. So I would
assume he still is with them. You and Shelley can sit with the guys if you
want. I have to get that outfit on TV."

	Allie and Shelley giggled and sat down next to Nick and Brian.

	"I'm Kurt Loder and I am here now with four out of five Backstreet
Boys. Where is Howie tonight guys?"

	"Howie is at home with his wife and his new baby girl Luna. He
sends his love with us." Brian answered using the pre-agreed upon 'okay'
answer.

	"You guys have had quite an eventful summer haven't you?"

	AJ chuckled. "Eventful isn't even the word for it Kurt. Nuts is
more like it. However the support Kevin and I, especially, have gotten from
the fans has been incredible. We love all of you!"

	"The two of you have an anniversary coming up don't you?"

	"In January, AJ and I will hit five years together. It's hard for
us to even believe, but its true." Kevin leaned over and gave AJ a quick
kiss.

	Kurt turned his attention to Nick now.

	"That's a very different look for you Nick. Who did it?"

	Nick smiled and put his arm around Allie.

	"My beautiful fiancee Allison chopped my hair a few weeks ago for
me. And she dressed me tonight so I didn't clash with her outfit."

	"And who dressed Allison in that incredible outfit? Could you stand
and show everyone Allison?"

	She giggled and did a quick pirouette. Nick handed her the
microphone after she sat back down.

	"My stepfather sent me the outfit from Germany. He was there for a
couple of concerts and saw it and thought of me. I couldn't think of a
better place to wear it then the Video Music Awards."

	"Who is your stepfather Allison, for those out there who don't
recognize you."

	"I am the pseudo-stepdaughter of the head the Manson family,
Marilyn Manson."

	"So what's happening for the group in the next few months?"

	Brian answered this one. He had offered earlier to step into
Howie's shoes tonight and actually be the one to talk about group stuff.
Only Howie really enjoyed it and it showed.

	"We are still in the studio recording as of now. The album should
be finished in late November/early December and ready for release around
Christmas time. Right after the New Year, we are kicking off another world
tour in France with Britney Spears and 'N sync."

	"We wish the five of you the best of luck. Now back to Chloe Mains
and John Norris."

	The cameraman signaled that they were finished and the guys put the
microphones down. Kurt walked over to them with a piece of paper.

	"Okay, here's the seating arrangement inside. The Manson camp is
over here in the lower left hand corner. You guys are over here right about
center stage. I had one of the ushers come up here to take you guys to
them."

	Allie gave Kurt a hug. "Thank you so much."

	"No problem. Also, I heard about Luna being sick. Please tell Howie
and Ameena that we are all praying for her and them." Brian gave Kurt a
hug.

	"Thanks Kurt, I'll be sure to tell them."

	They followed a young man dressed in a tuxedo down the stairs. He
led them through the crowd to a side entrance.

	"Mr. Manson is having some last minute problems, so he isn't at his
seat. They are all backstage in a hidden dressing room. I am allowed to
take you to them though."

	He knocked on the door and showed a pass to the guy who opened it.
They followed him in past two huge security guards to a door marked: Do Not
Enter. He opened the door and walked inside.

	"Here's the hidden dressing room. He's a little mad right now. I'm
not opening that door. One of you guys can. He scares me."

	The usher left them in front of the door. They could hear the
screaming in the hallway. Allie took a deep breath and opened the door.
She ducked as a glass came hurtling out of nowhere. It hit the wall next to
her.

	"Gee, Brian. Something wrong?" She asked nervously.

	Allie walked inside, followed slowly by the other five. Marilyn was
sitting on a couch, visibly seething. His face was bright red and his hair
and clothes were all messed up. The other band members were standing off to
the side so not to be in the path of any hurled objects.

	"Allie!" Her father came running over to her and swept her into a
huge hug. The two of them clutched each other tightly.

	"Hi daddy. I missed you so much!"

	"I missed you too baby. How's school going?"

	The two of them sat on another couch, also out of Marilyn's
throwing path. MW pulled the others away from the doorway.

	"Stay out of the way. He's really mad. Won't even let Mikel near
him right now."

	"What happened?" Kevin asked MW quietly.

	"Fucking bastard pigs. Think they can tell me what to do. Fuck
them!" Marilyn hurled another glass at the door with quite some force.

	"Well for one, they won't let him perform the song he wanted to
perform. They failed to mention that until about 20 minutes ago. And two,
his dancer, Priskilla broke her arm working on the routine this
afternoon. So his performance is blown and his is just a little mad.  He's
threatening not to go on."

	"What song won't they let him do?"

	"Strangulation."

	Kevin drew in a breath. "He was actually going to try and perform
that on live TV? What was he thinking?"

	Kevin watched as Mikel got up and talked to Twiggy. Twiggy nodded
and handed something to him in a small bag. Mikel put it in his pocket and
walked back over to Allison.

	"I know, but he wouldn't listen. We're trying to get him to do
Cohersion or Dreams of an Escape, but so far no luck."

	Marilyn stood up and walked over to the mirror over the dressing
table. He put his fist through it, while shouting obscenties. Mikel walked
over and smacked him in the face.

	"You idiot! Now you have blood all over your clothes. Now calm the
fuck down. I'm getting tired of this."

	Marilyn stared down at Mikel, his eyes smoldering. The room was
silent as they waited for some sort of retaliation. Marilyn's shoulders
slumped and he looked away.

	"I'm sorry." He mumbled and held his injured hand out to Mikel.

	"Come on, let's clean your hand up." Mikel led him into the
bathroom and washed his hand off. They returned a minute later to a still
silent room.

	"I think we'll do Cohersion." He was still speaking very quietly.

	Allie looked excited. "Your doing Cohersion. Please, can I sing my
part since I'm here? Please Brian."
	
	Nick looked at Allie, shocked.

	"I didn't know you sang on the album. I didn't know you sang
period."

	She shrugged her shoulders. "Surprise. So can I Brian?"

	He nodded, still upset over the situation.

	Allie jumped up and hugged him tightly. He didn't even respond to
her movements, standing with his arms at his side and his eyes glazed
over. She looked at him, slightly confused.

	Mikel pulled her aside and whispered something into her ear. She
looked back at Marilyn and then over to Twiggy, who gave her a thumbs up.

	"Okay, I'll head back here when the guys go to present the Viewer's
Choice Award. Damn that leaves Shelley alone. I don't want to do that to
her." Allison put her hands on her hips thinking.

	Marilyn roused himself out of his drug-induced stupor. "Can Shelley
dance?"

	"Well kind of. I used to dance when I was younger, but I haven't."

	"Great. I need someone to dance in a cage since Priskilla hurt
herself. Stupid bitch." He mumbled under his breath. Mikel smacked him
again. "Sorry."

	Brian turned to look at Shelley, who seemed to be weighing the idea
in her mind.

	"No. I won't let her dance in a cage Marilyn." Shelley spun around,
her eyes blazing.

	"Oh no you don't. I am my own person and I want to do this Brian
Thomas Littrell."

	"But Shell..." That was as far as he had gotten. She stared him
down, embarrassing him fully in front of everyone.

	"Fine, Shelley will dance so she will come back here when I do.
Let's go to our seats." Allie grabbed Nick's hand and pulled him out of the
room. Brian followed, still trying to recover from his public chastizing.

	"Hey Twiggy, before we head out there, do you happen to have any
herbal stress relievers?" AJ winked at him. Twiggy giggled and walked over
to his bag.

	"What can I get you AJ? I have a few premium joints that are just
shouting to be smoked, a couple doses of acid, some great coke, and my
personal fav, which Mikel just slipped to Marilyn, the hash."

	AJ turned to Kevin and stared at his eyes, looking for
disapproval. Finding none, he turned back to Twiggy. "A joint please."
Twiggy handed it to AJ along with a lighter. He lit it up and took a drag.

	"Are you going to share or are you going to keep it for yourself?"
Kevin asked grinning at AJ.

	Shocked, AJ passed the joint to Kevin who took a drag. No one in
the room had ever seen Kevin take anything resembling a drug besides
alcohol.

	"What? I felt like it. Can't I be irresponsible for once?"

	"Sure Kevin. We are just a little surprised." Mikel answered for
everyone.

	"I really don't feel like being here tonight. I just want to be at
home in my bed, holding AJ as I fall asleep. Why can't I do that?  Someone
please tell me why I can't do that!" Kevin fell to the ground and began to
cry.

	Confused, AJ dropped down next to him and held him as he cried.

	"This...is...why I don't smoke!" Kevin whailed as he cried on AJ's
shoulder. AJ stroked his back and took the joint from Kevin's hand. He
handed it to Twiggy, who quickly put it out and put it back in his bag.

	"Okay...shhh Kev, calm down. Nothing is wrong. We have to go out
and go to our seats now. Are you going to stop crying or am I going to have
to drag you crying out there and embarrass you in front of everyone?"

	Kevin sniffled a little and then shook his head. AJ wiped the tears
from his face and kissed him softly.

	"I love you Kev." Kevin nodded and stood up with AJ's help. The
Manson guys slowly filed out of the room, leaving Kevin and AJ alone.

	"You okay beautiful man?" AJ asked him, wrapping his arms around
Kevin's waist. Kevin leaned over and kissed him passionatly.

	"I guess that's a yes." AJ gasped as Kevin moved to his neck and
began to plant kisses on his adam's apple. Kevin's hands roamed all over
AJ's body.

	"We can't do this here. Or now." AJ protested slightly.

	"Why not?" Kevin growled sexily. He looked into AJ's eyes, holding
him captive.

	"Fuck it. Let's do it." AJ pulled Kevin's sweater off and began to
suck on his nipples. Kevin threw his head back and moaned loudly. Kevin
grabbed AJ's ass, kneading it in his hands.

	"Will you fuck me AJ?" Kevin asked him almost pleadingly. AJ began
to unzip Kevin's pants, biting his nipple at the same time. Kevin groaned
so loud, he swore someone would hear him.

	AJ reached into Kevin's boxers and began to massage his hard cock.
Kevin drew in a deep breath as AJ pushed down his boxers and took his cock
in his mouth.

	AJ began to push Kevin backwards as he sucked on his cock.
Stumbling, Kevin reached behind himself and felt around for the couch he
knew was nearby. AJ gave him one last push and came off of his cock as he
fell backwards. Kevin landed on the couch, staring up at AJ who had a huge
grin on his face.

	"So you want me to fuck you Kevin?" Kevin nodded, stroking his cock
with one hand. AJ slowly lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it
across the room. He quickly unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down,
revealing the fact he had on no boxers.

	AJ slid his hand down Kevin's chest, kissing his soft lips gently.

	"I'm not going to fuck you Kevin." Kevin groaned as AJ's hand
circled his dick tightly. "I will happily make love to you though."  Kevin
smiled up at him and hugged him close.

	"Do you have any lube?" AJ asked, looking around. Kevin shook his
head. "I don't care. I just want you in me AJ." AJ shook his head.

	"I have a better idea." He finished taking off Kevin's pants and
boxers, tossing them around the room as well. He took Kevin's hand and led
him into the bathroom. He turned on the shower, adjusting it so it was
warm, but not too hot.

	He stepped inside and motioned for Kevin to follow him. Kevin
stepped into the small shower and wrapped his arms around AJ's body.  They
stood under the shower, holding each other tightly letting the warm water
cascade over their bodies. They had forgotten where they were and what they
had to do. All that mattered was each other.

	AJ began to suck on Kevin's neck, tracing the muscles in his back
with his hands. Kevin's hands began to caress AJ's firm ass. AJ's hands
slipped down to Kevin's ass, pulling him closer to him.

	Kevin moaned loudly as AJ slipped a finger into his ass.

	"Please AJ." Kevin asked pleadingly, his voice cracking with lust.

	AJ turned him around and lifted one of Kevin's legs, holding it
up. Kevin pressed his body against the wall in the tiny stall. AJ
positioned himself with his cock resting against Kevin's hole.

	Kevin pushed backwards as AJ held his cock in place, letting Kevin
take control of the pace. Slowly, Kevin's ass took all of AJ's cock. AJ
began to take over, slowly pushing his cock in and out of Kevin's body.

	He wrapped his arms around Kevin's chest, just thrusting his hips,
keeping the rest of his body motionless. Soon both of them were moaning
loudly, sweating and dripping wet from the shower. AJ kissed the back of
Kevin's neck as he began to thrust harder.

	Kevin began to stroke his own cock as AJ's thrusting increased. He
groaned softly as he felt AJ's cock expand and send cum into his ass. AJ
sighed and kissed the back of his neck again.

	He reached around Kevin's body and grabbed Kevin's cock. He began
to slowly jerk it off. Kevin grabbed AJ's hand and jerked his cock off with
him. Together they brought Kevin to a shattering orgasm.

	Exhausted, AJ slipped out of Kevin's ass and turned him around. He
cuddled up against his chest, holding him tightly. They stood there in the
warm water, holding each other for an eternity.

	"Where the fuck are they?" Brian whispered to Nick.

	"I have no clue. Should we go find them?" Brian shrugged. "I don't
know. We present soon and if they aren't here there will be hell to pay."

	"Do you think they are still in the dressing room?" Brian shook his
head.

	"No way. They are probably sitting somewhere else or something.
It's a damn good thing we haven't won any awards yet."

	"Shut up Brian. You're going to jinx us."

	"And the winner for best dance video is...Backstreet Boys: When
Dreams Come True."

	Both Nick and Brian looked up, shocked. They hadn't even realized
they were up for an award right then.

	"What do we do?" Brian put a huge fake smile on his face and hugged
Shelley tightly as he talked to Nick through his teeth. "No choice. We have
to go up." Nick answered through his teeth as he hugged Allie.

	Brian and Nick headed up to the stage, shaking hands and hugging
people on the way. They hugged the presenters; Lisa Loeb and Paul Grady and
Brian stepped in front of the microphone.

	"Wow, this is such a shock. I never would have thought we would win
this one. We had a speech prepared, but Kevin and AJ stepped out to go to
the bathroom right before this award and Kevin had our speech. So I'll try
to wing this. We would like to thank God first off. Without him we would be
nothing. I would also like to thank all our families for their continued
support. Thanks to our management everyone at Jive and all the people who
worked on this video. The director Jake Pearsons. And our incredible
coreographer Fatima. Did I forget anyone? If I did I'm sorry. Shelley I
love you baby. Thank you for being here for me."

	Nick stepped up to the microphone.

	"Allie I love you so much. Without you in my life, it would be
meaningless. I also want to thank all of our fans. It's been a rough few
months for us and all of our fans have stood beside us. You all deserve a
round of applause."

	The audience clapped politely until Nick held up his hand to stop
them.

	"Before we go, can I get all of you to send out a silent prayer for
Howie's daughter, Luna Grey. She was born two and a half months premature
and is still in the hospital. Please send your prayers and love out to
her."

	The audience bowed their heads for a moment of silence, led by Nick
and Brian.

	"Thank you everyone!" Nick and Brian waved happily and walked
offstage.

	"Okay where the fuck are Kevin and AJ?" Brian shouted to no one in
particular. Nick grabbed his arm and pulled him aside. "Don't draw any
fucking attention to the problem okay. We'll find them."

	Nick felt a tap on his shoulder. A tall man with a headset on was
standing behind them.

	"Backstreet Boys right?" Nick nodded a little confused. "Great, we
had to move up your presentation. The last act needed more time and we have
to switch your presentation with a musical act. You guys ready? Hey aren't
they're five of you?"

	"Uh, yeah. Well only four of us are here. We are going to go get
them. Be right back." Brian grabbed Nick's arm and pulled him down the
hall.

	"Where the fuck was Marilyn's dressing room?"

	Mikel unlocked the dressing room door for the guys and went
inside. He could hear the shower running in the small bathroom.  Confused,
he opened the door and walked in.

	"Shit! Mikel!" AJ wrapped the curtain around him and Kevin.

	"What the hell are you two still doing here? You are supposed to be
onstage in like two minutes and you just won an award. Nick and Brian had
to accept it without you."

Kevin jumped out of the shower and ran back into the main room with AJ
close behind. He threw on clothing and tossed AJ some clothes as well. They
took off down the hall as soon as they were clothed and ran as fast as they
could.

	AJ saw Nick and Brian ahead arguing with each other. He skidded to
a stop, Kevin bumping into him. Brian and Nick turned towards them.

	"Where the fuck have you two been? Nevermind we don't have the
fucking time. We have to be onstage." Brian screamed at them.

	"Where are your shoes? And do you know that you are wearing each
others clothes!" Nick was totally shocked at Kevin and AJ.

	Brian let out a scream of anger. His eyes blazing he turned to
Kevin and AJ. "You two have fucking responsibilities! You can't just fuck
anytime you want! We are talking about this later. Right now we have to go
do our jobs!"

	They all put on huge smiles as their names were called. Kevin and
AJ hid in the back, letting Brian and Nick do all the presenting. They
barely even heard what was going on. Brian turned to them when they
finished and were safely backstage.

	"I don't want to talk to either of you until we get back to
Orlando. I don't even want to see you." He walked away leaving Kevin and AJ
standing with Nick.

	"Sorry." AJ said meekly to Nick. "Save it for later okay. I want to
go see my girlfriend perform." Nick walked away, shaking his head.

	"So we really fucked up didn't we?" Kevin said to AJ. Nodding, AJ
grabbed Kevin's hand and they walked back to the dressing room to change
back into their own clothes.
	
  




Chapter 16


	Brian sat down at Nick's kitchen table and folded his hands. Nick
sat next to him and Kevin and AJ sat across from them.

	"Now, we need to talk about what happened four days ago at the
awards. Would you like to start Kevin?"

	"We are really sorry. We really messed up this time."

	"Nick and I are already aware that you fucked up. Would you care to
tell us why? Don't apologize. We know you are sorry. Just tell us why."

	AJ and Kevin exchanged glances before looking back at Brian and
Nick.

	"Well after the two of you left, I asked Twiggy if he had a joint.
I'm usually drunk at these things so I don't have to worry about what I do,
but since I don't drink I wanted something to relax me. So he gave me one
and I had a few drags. And then Kevin had a few drags."

	"WHAT!?!" Nick exclaimed loudly. Kevin nodded looking down at the
table. AJ put up his hand, quieting Nick.

	"Well, Kevin broke down crying in front of all of us. The Manson
guys left and I calmed Kev down. Then one thing led to another and we ended
up having sex. We had no clue where we were and what was going on.  The
next thing I rememeber was Mikel walking in on us in the shower and telling
us we had to be onstage in two minutes and had just won an award. Why we
did it, I don't really know. It just happened."

	Nick got up and reached into the cabinet. He took out a bag of
cookies and sat back down. Brian closed his eyes and leaned back in his
chair. The only sound was Nick eating the cookies. Neither AJ nor Kevin
made any attempt to interrupt either of their train of thoughts. From years
of experience, they knew that both of them were in serious thought right
now.

	"Okay. You explained yourselves. Let me just tell you something
though. You two fucked us big time. I don't know about Nick, but it will
take me awhile to forgive you for this. I'm not going to let it affect how
I treat you both, but understand that my trust for you two is in jeopardy."

	Kevin felt himself getting angrier as Brian spoke to him.

	"How dare you sit there and act like you are so perfect Brian? You
put AJ and me down for one mistake. One! We have covered up your screw- ups
for years now. Trust! Let's talk about trust. How many times did you
promise to not skip out of meetings? And how many times did I end up doing
double duty on meetings because you convinently forgot to go!  And that's
not even a big thing. Screw you Brian!"

	"Kevin calm down. Brian wasn't.." Nick tried to interject, but
instead Kevin turned on him.

	"And you Nick! I am sooo tired of taking care of you. Grow up
finally. You are 21 years old. Act like it! And stop sticking up for
Brian. He drops your ass so fast everytime he starts to date someone
new. You come sulking back to AJ and me because Brian stops spending time
with you. I am so sick of this!"

	Kevin turned and put his fist through the door. Shaking he turned
back to the three sitting at the table and smiled painfully.

	"I want to go home now AJ. Can we go home?" AJ nodded and tried to
stand up. He pushed his chair back and pushed himself up. He was so scared
of Kevin right now.

	Nick grabbed AJ's arm and pulled him aside. "Are you going to be
okay?" AJ nodded. "If you need anything AJ, anything come to me. I am here
for both of you." He hugged AJ tightly.

	AJ followed Kevin out the door and to the car. Kevin climbed into
the passenger seat, waiting patiently for AJ to take him home.

	Neither of them said a word the whole way home. AJ unlocked the
door and they walked inside. Tears began to stream down Kevin's face as
soon as he stepped through the door.

	"What did I just do AJ?" He sat on the steps and cried. AJ sat next
to him, putting his arm around his shoulder.

	"I don't know Kev. I don't know."




	Nick looked at the hole in the door again. Now he had to get a new
door. Great. He turned back to the table and looked at Brian, who was still
just sitting there.

	"So Brian whatcha' thinking?"

	"Did I over-react Nick? Did I push Kevin that hard? Did I make him
do that?" Brian gestured towards the door.

	Nick sighed and sat back down.

	"I really don't know. I was mad at them for not holding up their
end of the deal for a while. Did you think about all the press conferences
AJ and Kevin have done because we haven't felt like it? Or all the times
they covered for us when we had something better to do?  They don't do one
thing and we flipped on them. I don't think that was fair."

	"But it wasn't a little thing. It was MTV. And they wore each
other's clothes onstage. How about just wearing a sign that said 'hey
world, we just fucked' for those who are slow."

	"Brian, you've known Kevin your whole life. He's your family. A few
years ago, you told me a story about when the two of you were
younger. Kevin had been under a lot of stress with school and work. You
came to him with a problem and he promised to help you as much as he
could. But when he couldn't, you got mad at him, telling him he was
irresponsible and couldn't be trusted."

	Brian hung his head. He knew where this story was going obviously
and he knew Nick was right.

	"Kevin went to school the next day, upset at you, upset at
everyone. Someone said the wrong thing to him and he ended up turning on
him, smashing his head into a locker. Generally just kicking his ass.  Let
me give you something to think about here Brian. What have you just done to
AJ?"

	Brian's head shot up in surprise.

	"Kevin would never lay a finger on AJ. He loves him too much."

	"Kevin has been unstable lately. If you can't see that, you're
blind. I think you may have just pushed him over the edge by telling him
you couldn't trust him."

	"But I do trust him. I think. I was just acting like an idiot,
trying to make them see they had done something wrong. I was trying to do
what Kevin would do to any of us."

	"Kevin never treats any of us like that Brian, even when he is
really mad at us. And they knew they did something wrong. Don't you think
they are hearing it enough from management and Jive? Do they really need to
hear it from us?"

	Brian looked down, staring at the tablecloth's pattern. He shook
his head slowly.

	"What do I do now?"

	"Apologize."



	Howie sat down on the couch and closed his eyes. Luna had been home
for four days now and he and Ameena had gotten about 3 hours of sleep
between them.

	The phone next to him rang insistently. He reached around for it
with his eyes closed, finally grabbing it.

	"Hello?" He mumbled into the reciever.

	"Howie can we talk?"

	"You can. I don't think I rememeber how."

	"Kevin flipped today when we confronted him about the video
awards. He put a hole through my kitchen door."

	"Shit. Want me to talk to him once I get some sleep?"

	"I don't think it's going to help. He needs to work through this on
his own."

	"AJ okay?"

	"I hope so. I told him to come to me if he needed anything."

	"We'll work this all out okay Nick. Tomorrow, we'll go to Kevin and
AJ's and we will all talk. Just talk okay."

	"I'll tell Brian. Thanks Howie."

	"Bye Nick."

	Howie hit the button on the phone and dropped it. He was just
asleep when Luna began to cry again. Howie pushed himself off of the couch
and stumbled up the stairs.


	
	Howie knocked on the door, half-asleep. AJ opened it a crack and
peered outside.

	"Howie! What are you doing here?"

	"Can we talk? Kevin up?" Howie opened his eyes wider to try and
look more awake.

	"Ummm actually he's asleep. I can wake him though. Come on in."

	Howie walked inside and headed right for the kitchen. AJ followed
him, a little curious about why Howie was here.

	"Should I get Kevin now?" AJ asked him as he watched Howie make
coffee.

	"Not yet. I want to talk to you without Kevin here to interrupt."

	"What do you mean by that?" AJ asked indignatly.

	"Nothing bad, but most of the time I don't get to talk just to
you. We used to talk a lot AJ."

	"Both of us have been busy with our own lives."

	Howie sat down next to AJ with a big mug of coffee.

	"I know AJ. I've been worried about you lately. How are you? And
please be honest. No pat answers to spare feelings."

	AJ looked down at the table. "Scared."

	"Why are you scared?"

	"Kevin." AJ whispered so softly Howie could barely hear him.

	"Has Kevin hit you AJ? Because if he has I will kill him." Howie's
voice meant business.

	AJ shook his head quickly.

	"No, nothing like that. I'm not really scared for me, I'm scared
for him. He has never turned his anger towards me. Every night, he has
terrible nightmares. He wakes up shaking and screaming. He can never
rememeber what they are about and why he is scared. It takes hours to calm
him down after that."

	"How come none of us have heard about this?"

	Howie watched as AJ shrunk even further into his chair.

	"He doesn't want any of you to think he is weak. Kevin's cracking
up because of this. He made me promise to help him keep up appearances
until this goes away."

	Tears began to slowly drip down AJ's face. He didn't even bother to
wipe them away. Howie hugged AJ to him, rubbing his back as he cried.

	"AJ, you need to get away for a few days. This is going to destroy
both of you. You are going to end up losing Kevin if this continues."

	AJ sobbed loudly. "I can't leave him. I can't lose Kevin."

	"I'm not telling you to leave him. I'm just saying take a break.
You both are miserable everytime I see you. This isn't healthy."

	"Brian called earlier and talked to Kevin. He apologized for
everything he said to him and told him he was really sorry. That may have
helped. It might be fine. He's been asleep for awhile now and he has slept
fine."

	Suddenly, screaming could be heard throughout the house. AJ jumped
up and wiped away the tears. He started towards the steps and stopped,
rememebering Howie was there.

	"Go home Howie. Please, leave now."

	Violent cursing and shouting was coming from the bedroom. There was
a thud and a shattering crash. AJ knew from experience that Kevin had just
thrown the lamp against the wall.

	Howie shook his head, trying to follow AJ. AJ pushed him backwards.

	"Go Howie! Now!"

	Scared at the look on AJ's face, Howie backed down the steps and
headed for the front door. Shaking, AJ went into the bedroom to calm Kevin.

	He opened the door, stepped over the broken lamp and walked over to
the bed. Kevin was curled in a little ball sobbing. As soon as AJ sat on
the bed, Kevin had wrapped his arms around AJ for dear life.

	"What's happening to me? Please AJ help me."

	AJ hugged Kevin closely, trying not to cry himself. He stroked the
back of Kevin's neck softly, soothingly. He sang to him like he did every
night after this happened.

	He was torn to pieces inside. Howie was right. This was killing
him. Right before Howie had knocked on the door, he had been tearing the
house apart looking for some alcohol, any alcohol. Cursing Kevin for being
so thorough, he had been about to go buy some. Then Howie had knocked on
the door.

	He guessed that was a good thing somehow. He didn't want to slip.
Getting drunk now, with all the shit that was going on inside Kevin, would
just make things worse.

	Kevin reached up and touched AJ's cheek. AJ seemed lost in deep
thought, oblivious to Kevin's touch. Still scared and upset, Kevin snuggled
closer to AJ, resting his head on his lap and wrapping his arms around his
legs.

	Trapped in an uncomfortable position, AJ sat thinking about
scotch. How warm it felt when it traveled down his throat. How perfect he
felt once it was safely in his stomach. How much clearer life seemed
through a scotch-filled haze. And how he could never have it again.




	Kevin turned on his laptop and sat down. AJ opened up his and
joined him at the table.

	"How come we get to do this?" AJ complained.

	"Because I'm Kevin and you're AJ. Why else?" Kevin smiled at him.

	"So tomorrow 'N sync and Britney join us at the studio for a
meeting about the tour?" Kevin nodded, concentrating on the memo in front
of him. AJ typed that in his datebook.

	"Whose week is it to do the e-mail?" AJ asked as he connected to
the website.

	"Hmmm?" Kevin mumbled, not really listening to AJ.

	"Nevermind. I'll just take care of it."

AJ groaned as he downloaded the 300 messages he had to answer from just
today. Disgusted with the fact that someone wasn't answering the e- mail
for the group, he popped his e-mail schedule up and checked whose week it
was. Nick's, of course. Nick always forgot to do the e-mail.

	AJ quickly scanned the list to see if anything was pressing. Not
really. He checked his private mailbox and found one from Justine. It was a
rambling note written while she was high about her flowerbeds and the bugs
in them. AJ chuckled as he read it. He forwarded it to Kevin's mailbox and
began to answer the group e-mails.

	As he typed out pat answers, he thought over the past few weeks.
Since the night Howie came to visit, Kevin had withdrawn further whenever
they were at home, but continued to act like nothing was wrong in public.

	AJ had talked to Howie on the phone the next morning and managed to
elict a forced promise that he wouldn't say a word about what AJ had told
him and what he heard.

	Neither he nor Kevin were sleeping more then 3 hours a night if
that. AJ's nerves were at the breaking point and it was starting to affect
his singing. Brian and Nick were growing more and more suspicious of him
and Kevin as the days passed. Howie just kept his mouth shut.

	Brian refused to confront Kevin on anything anymore after the day
in Nick's kitchen, despite the fact he had apologized. He had admitted to
Nick that he was afraid of his cousin's temper. Nick had told AJ.

	Daily, Nick took AJ out of the house to get him away from Kevin.
AJ never told Nick what was happening, but Nick could tell that something
was very wrong with Kevin. He was only doing what he could to help AJ. He
wished he could do more then take AJ shopping or to the beach. He wished he
could fix what was wrong.

	Two hours later, AJ stretched, moving for the first time since he
began. He looked up and saw that Kevin had fallen asleep on the table.
Must've been a really dry memo. He could hear Kevin snoring slightly as he
drooled on the table.

	AJ smiled. Even fast asleep, drooling and snoring, Kevin was still
so incredibly handsome. He kissed Kevin on the cheek and picked him up.  He
grunted slightly as he lifted him. AJ rarely carried Kevin since he was at
least 20lbs heavier and about 3 inches taller.

	Kevin began to nuzzle AJ's shoulder in his sleep, snuggling into
his arms. AJ kissed his forehead as he laid him onto the bed. He quickly
undressed him, leaving his boxers on to sleep in. Kevin curled up into a
ball, hugging his knees to his chest. AJ looked down at him with a
frown. Something was wrong. Kevin never slept like that, unless he was
about to have a nightmare. AJ prayed that he wouldn't. He couldn't take it
tonight. They had to sleep.

	AJ shook his head and went into the bathroom to wash his face and
get ready for bed. He had just finished brushing his teeth when he heard
Kevin scream.

	He ran back into the bedroom and saw Kevin wide-eyed, sweating, and
shaking, trying to climb the wall to get away from something. He was trying
to push something off of him, swinging his fists at the air.

	"Kevin, calm down! Kev!" AJ tried to grab Kevin's hands, but he was
pushed away, accidentally being hit in the face by one of Kevin's flying
fists. AJ fell backwards only now noticing that Kevin was still fast
asleep.

	"NO! NO! AJ! NO! GET AWAY! I HATE YOU AJ!" Kevin burst into tears
and slumped down the wall, landing on the bed. He buried his head in the
pillow and sobbed. AJ froze at his words, his heart breaking.

	"I'm sorry, so sorry. AJ." Kevin continued to sob, but still seemed
asleep. AJ lay down next to him and pulled him close, unsure of what to do.

Kevin rolled over and opened his eyes. He saw AJ staring back at him with a
scared look on his face. Kevin blinked, slowly waking up.

	"Hey AJ." Kevin said sleepily. AJ pulled him close, burying his
face in Kevin's shoulder.

	"What's the matter?" Kevin stroked AJ's hair, trying to soothe him.

	"Kevin, what were you dreaming about? You have got to rememeber
this time." AJ sat up and looked down at Kevin, who still looked pale and
drawn. Kevin sighed and sat up as well.

	"I don't know. Why do you ask?"

	"You were acting whatever it was out. You scared the living
daylights out of me. Kev, you don't usually do that." AJ's voice shook,
betraying how frightened he still was and how confused he was. Why had
Kevin said he hated him?

	"Oh god, I'm sorry. I had no idea. I don't even know what it was
that scared me." Kevin saw a bruise beginning to form on AJ's cheek. He
touched it with his fingertips. AJ flinched at his touch.

	"Did I hit you?" AJ nodded, looking at his hands. Kevin shuddered
at the thought and took AJ's face in his hands. AJ tried to pull away,
still slightly frightened. Kevin let him, not wanting to force the issue.

	"I'm sorry AJ. I didn't mean it." AJ nodded and lay back down with
his back to Kevin. "Let's just go to bed. We have a long day tomorrow."

	Kevin wrapped his arms around AJ. He could feel his body stiffen at
his touch and Kevin removed his arms, not wanting to make it worse for
AJ. He rolled over and tried to sleep without AJ in his arms.




Chapter 17


	Kevin and AJ sat across from each other lost in their own worlds as
the other three guys laughed and joked around them. They had barely spoken
to each other since they had woken up this morning. Kevin had gotten into
the shower without AJ while AJ ate breakfast alone. They had driven
separate cars to the studio, Kevin leaving way before AJ did.

	"So what do you think Kev?" Kevin shook his head as he heard his
name being said through the fog.

	"What Brian?" Kevin glanced in AJ's direction and caught him
looking in his direction over his sunglasses. He quickly looked away.

	"I asked if you wanted to have dinner at my place tonight? Howie
and Nick already said yes. So do you and AJ want to join us?"

	"Can I get back to you Bri?" Brian nodded, a little confused by
Kevin's actions.

	"When are the others getting here?" Nick asked Kevin excitedly. He
loved to spend time with the guys from 'N sync.

	"What Nick?" Nick frowned, exchanging worried glances with Howie
and Brian.

	"What's going on? You and AJ are on another planet today." Howie
asked Kevin gently. He watched as Kevin's eyes flicked to AJ who just
looked away.

	"Nothing Howie, nothing." Kevin's eyes clouded over and AJ excused
himself from the table.

	Brian, Howie and Nick were even more confused then before they
started asking questions. Unfortunately before they could do anything else,
the door to the room opened and Joey Fatone walked in.

	"Hey so this is where you goofballs are hiding? We've been
wandering around for like the past 10 minutes."

	"Hi Joey, come on in." Nick waved him into the room. Joey jumped
over the couch and sat down next to Nick.

	"Where's everyone else?"

	"Wandering around. We lost Britney awhile back and Justin went
looking for her. I'm not complaining mind you." He grinned at Nick, who
laughed.

	"So Britney hasn't changed any?" Brian asked Joey.

	"Not one bit. If anything living with Justin has made her more
hyper. Together the two of them are a deadly combination." Joey grabbed a
piece of toast from the plate on the table.

	JC stuck his head in the room.

	"Found 'em. Hey guys."

	He walked over and sat on the couch.

	"Hey JC." Brian, Nick and Howie said simultaneously. Kevin
continued to stare into space. AJ hadn't returned.

	The other guys filed in, talking and laughing amongst themselves.
Britney and Justin were giggling uncontrollably barely able to walk.  Chris
sat down next to Joey and helped himself to some food. Justin and Britney
sat on the couch with JC. Lance and Jean-Michel sat in a chair together.

"So...anybody else have deja vu?" Chris asked trying to break the
silence. Kevin got up and walked out of the room, leaving everyone else
staring at his retreating back.

	"Is Kevin okay?" Lance asked the room in general.

	"We couldn't tell you. When we saw him and AJ yesterday everything
was cool. But this morning they weren't speaking to each other or anyone
else. And they drove in different cars." Brian informed everyone in the
room.

	Lance stood up. "Be right back." He left before anyone could stop
him. He walked down the hallway, trying to figure out where Kevin could
have gone.

	Passing a doorway, he heard sobbing. Lance looked inside and saw
Kevin crying. He opened the door and walked in. Kevin immediately
straightened up and wiped his face.

	"Lance, hi. What can I do for you?" He sniffled, trying to hold
back more tears.

	"I came to see if you were okay. I'm going to take a wild guess and
say no."

	Kevin shook his head. "I'm fine Lance."

	Lance crossed his arms and stared back at him. "Sure everyone
leaves a room without saying anything to go cry in private. Perfectly
normal. Of course your fine."

	Kevin stared at the blond kid in front of him. He looked into
Lance's pale green eyes defiantly. What stared back at him was a person as
stubborn as he was. He had forgotten about that quality in Lance.

	"I just need to talk to AJ that's all. Everything will be fine
after we talk."

	AJ stood up from the chair he was sitting in and turned to Kevin
and Lance.

	"Maybe we should talk Kevin." Both of them gasped in surprise.
AJ's small bruise by his eye had turned into a huge shiner. Kevin hadn't
seen the extent of what his fist had done until now. Lance was speechless.

	"I'm sorry, so sorry. AJ." Kevin began to cry again, holding his
arms out to AJ. AJ didn't move. Kevin's body began to sag against the table
as he sobbed.

	"Could you excuse us Lance? And don't tell anyone what you saw."

	Lance nodded in response to AJ, unable to speak yet. He backed out
of the room, leaving them alone.

	"What did I say or do AJ? Please tell me." Kevin begged.

	"Besides giving me this lovely black eye?"

	"I was asleep!" Kevin sobbed, tears streaming down his face.

	"You screamed that you hated me Kevin. Why did you say that?"

	"I don't know AJ. It was just a dream." He wiped his face, wishing
with all his heart he could remember what his dream was about.

	"I wouldn't call that a dream Kevin. More like a nightmare. And
worse then any of the ones before." AJ walked over and cradled him in his
arms.

	"Hey Nicky, where's the Nintendo at? I want to kick your sorry ass
in Mario Kart Extreme." Joey looked around the room, noticing that there
was nothing in the room of much interest.

	"Two rooms over. Wanna go play?" He and Joey stood up and started
walking towards the door when Lance walked back in.

	"Hey Lance did you find Kev?" Nick asked worriedly. Lance nodded,
still a little shook up.

	"Well where is he?" He asked Lance impatiently.

	"Two rooms down, but don't bother him. He and AJ are having a
talk." Joey and Nick exchanged glances. "Let me guess, Nintendo room?"
Nick nodded and they both went to sit back down.

	Lance sat back down next to Jean-Michel. He grabbed his hand and
squeezed tightly.

	"Are you okay James?" He whispered. Lance shook his head. "I'll
tell you later." Jean-Michel nodded and rested his head on Lance's
shoulder.

	Chris poured himself a cup of coffee and sat back down next to
Howie.

	"So how's Luna doing?" Howie broke into a huge grin at the mention
of his daughter.

	"She's doing great. Ameena and me on the other hand are another
story. I can't get used to sleeping an hour every three days."

	Chris laughed, almost spitting out his coffee. "Tell me about it.
The first night the twins slept all the way through, Danielle and I had a
sleeping party. We slept soundly all night long. It was great."

	Suprisingly, Chris had been the first of the 'N sync guys to really
settle down. His longtime girlfriend Danielle gave birth to twin girls in
March.

	"How are the girls doing Chris?" Brian sat back down next to them
and joined in the conversation. Chris smiled and whipped his wallet out.
He began to show off pictures to the two of them.

	JC shifted uncomfortably on the couch, attempting to ignore Justin
and Britney making out next to him. He swore that they couldn't go more
then five minutes without touching each other. Where the hell was Kevin?

	"So what's going on?" JC asked the room.

	"Well Kev is the one who knows most of the details. Unless of
course Lance was told too." All eyes turned to Lance, who was paying
attention to nothing. Jean-Michel poked him in the side. He jumped and
looked around.

	"What?" He blushed deeply at the sudden attention.

	"Do you know what's going on or are we just stuck waiting for
Kevin?" JC asked him impatiently.

	"Well, they are keeping things under wraps. But I missed the
meetings anyway because we were visiting Jean-Michel's parents in
France. Sorry."

	JC sighed and sat back again. Justin began to tickle Britney,
sending her into gales of high-pitched giggling. JC began to feel
nauseous. Chris, Brian, and Howie continued to talk about children. Nick
was telling Joey what he and Allie had already planned for the wedding in
May. Lance was cuddling with Jean-Michel. Yet again JC was left to sit
alone. He had to get out of there.

	"I'm going to go take a walk." JC announced to no one in
particular. Getting no response, he sighed and just walked out. He should
be used to this by now. He didn't really have anyone to hang out with when
the two groups got together. At least not since Britney and Jean-Michel had
come into the picture.

	He missed Justin and Lance. They had been his closest friends. Now
they barely paid him any attention. He could only imagine what it would be
like once Britney and Justin were married. He would never see Justin
again. At least Lance still talked to him.

	He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and scuffed his feet
along the ground as he walked. Everyone was always too busy with family or
relationships. As the only unattached member of 'N sync, he was lonely. And
heading out on tour with the BSB was no better. They were all attached as
well. What was wrong with him? Every girl or guy he dated ended up dumping
him.

	JC went through the list in his mind of the people on tour and
their significant others. Justin had Britney, Lance had Jean-Michel, Joey
had Kimmie, Chris had Danielle, Howie had Ameena, Brian had Shelley, and
Nick had Allie. The last time they had all gone on tour together two years
back, the only couple was Kevin and AJ. Ameena and Danielle hadn't been a
major part of the picture until the very end of the tour.

	Maybe it would be better if he just stopped looking. Did he really
need someone to be happy?

	JC heard hushed voices near him. He looked up to see that he had
walked in a circle and was now two doors away from the room where everyone
was. He looked around, trying to find where the noise was coming from. He
peered through the window in the door and saw Kevin and AJ talking. So this
is where they had run off to. He was about to open the door to say hi when
he noticed that Kevin was crying and AJ had a black eye. What was this?

	"Kevin, I love you very much and I never want to lose you. Please
understand where I am coming from here."

	Kevin continued to cry, his heart breaking from AJ's suggestion, as
he shook his head.

	"Fine, I guess I can't expect you to understand. I don't even
really care. Just listen to me then. I am scared. In the four and a half
years we have been together, I have never been scared. I have always felt
very safe. The past month has been slowly getting worse. Last night when
you flipped out and hit me I saw a horrible vision of what could be. I
don't want that."

	"AJ it was a dream. I wish I knew what it was about, but I don't.
I would never ever hit you when I was awake. I love you so much." AJ
stroked Kevin's neck as he cried on his shoulder.

	"I know you do and I love you. That's why we have to do this."

	"Please don't make me leave you. Even for a few days."

	AJ took Kevin's face in his hands. He kissed his forehead and
looked directly into his eyes.

	"Three days Kev. That's all I'm asking for is three days. Then we
can see where we are."

	Kevin choked on a sob. AJ wiped tears from Kevin's face lovingly.

	"Be strong baby. This isn't the end of us. It's just a break. A
short break."

	Kevin nodded slowly.

	"I don't seem to have a choice here, so I guess I'll do it. I don't
like this at all AJ."

	"I know Kev."

	"Can you go get Nick?"

	AJ nodded and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. He put his
sunglasses back on to hide his eye. JC backed away from the door and ran
down the hallway so AJ wouldn't know he had heard them. AJ looked back at
Kevin, who was sitting with his hand touching the cheek AJ had just kissed,
and walked out the door.

	AJ opened the door to the main room. He had barely made it through
the door before Chris had jumped out of his chair.

"Hey AJ!!" Chris came bouncing over to hug him, knocking AJ's sunglasses
off in the process.

	The glasses hit the ground before AJ could react. A gasp was heard
from all around as they took in AJ's eye.

	"AJ! What happened?" Howie asked protectivly, immediately
rememebering their conversation a few weeks ago. AJ picked up the
sunglasses and put them in his pocket.

	"I'm fine. I walked into a door last night. Stupid me. Can I talk
to you outside Nick?" AJ spoke very fast, trying to get out of the room as
quick as possible. Nick stood up and walked over to him. AJ turned and
headed out the door with Nick following. They passed JC as he walked back
in. He and AJ exchanged nods, JC avoiding looking at AJ's eye.

	As soon as the door was shut, Nick grabbed AJ's arm.

	"AJ what really happened? Tell me the truth." AJ looked at the
ground, avoiding Nick's gaze.

	"I told you. I walked into a door." AJ answered trying to wrench
his arm away from the firm grasp Nick had on his arm.

	"Don't lie for me AJ. I did it Nick." They turned to see Kevin
standing in the doorway watching them. Nick let go of AJ and turned to
Kevin in a rage. He raised his fist to hit Kevin, but held back, shaking
from the effort.

	"What the fuck do you mean, you did it?" Both of them hung their
heads in shame as Nick screamed.

	"Please come inside so we can talk to you. I don't want to draw any
attention from the other guys. You're the only one I trust right now."

	Nick brushed past Kevin, resisting the urge to push him aside. He
had never been so angry with Kevin before in his life. He sat on the couch
and folded his arms, waiting for the explanation. AJ sat down next to
Nick. Kevin began to pace as he talked.

	"Last night, I fell asleep while reading some proposals for the
group. I haven't been sleeping very well and they just put me right out.
So instead of waking me, AJ carried me upstairs and put me to bed. While he
was in the bathroom, I had another nightmare."

	Nick looked at AJ quizzically. AJ just pointed back to Kevin.
	
	"I was screaming and shouting, trying to get away from something or
someone. While I was screaming, I said some horrible things about AJ.  He
reached out to try to calm me, and I ended up hitting him."

	Nick sat silently, digesting what he had heard.

	"Why are you telling me this? Why not Howie or Brian?"

	Kevin glanced at AJ helplessly.

	"AJ wants me to leave for a few days so we can see what's going on
in ourselves. Can I stay at your place?" He quietly asked Nick.

	Nick's eyes bugged out, shocked at the request. He gulped audibly.

	"Of course you can Kevin. My door is always open to you. Either of
you. I'm here for you."

	Nick stood up and walked over to the TV. He ran his hand across the
Nintendo, thinking.

	"When do you want to move in?"

	"Now. Today. What's convienent for you?" Kevin twisted his hands
together, visibly shaken.

	"We have to get through the meeting with 'N sync and Britney. Kev,
you have to come and be you. Lance doesn't know anything and you are the
only one with all the details."

	Kevin sighed. "I don't think I can."

	"What do you mean Kev? You have to. This is what you do."

	AJ shut his eyes. "I can do it. Kevin has been filling me in lately
about the details."

	"Great!" Nick headed to the door, anxious to leave the room. "Are
you two coming?"

	"In a minute." AJ answered from the couch. Nick shut the door,
leaving them alone.

	"Jessie is going to stay with me at the house. I talked to her this
morning."

	Kevin just nodded.

	"So I guess I will see you tomorrow at the studio."

	"I'll go pack after the meeting. I'll have Nick come with me."

	"I packed some stuff this morning, but you can obviously pack your
own if you don't like what I packed."

	Kevin's face fell even more, knowing that AJ had planned so well
for this. How long had he been thinking about this?

	"Oh, okay. Well, I guess I'll just pick it up."

	AJ stood up and offered his hand to Kevin to help him up. Kevin
shook his head, refusing AJ's help and stood up. He took a deep breath and
opened the door, walking back to the other room. AJ followed him, shaking
his head slightly, knowing that Kevin was going to go back in there and put
on a 'nothing happened' face.



	Kevin dropped his bags on the unfamiliar bed and looked around. He
felt so lost without AJ near him. Nick's house was so strange. It didn't
have any of his stuff. This wasn't his bed. This wasn't where he was
supposed to be.

	"Kevin, do you want to talk about anything?" Nick stood in the
doorway, looking in at Kevin as he stood staring at nothing.

	"No. Thanks Nick." He opened the bags AJ had packed for him and
began to put the clothing away. Nick turned and shut the door, leaving him
alone.

	Sitting on the top of the pile of clothes in the second bag, was an
envelope. Kevin immediately recognized AJ's handwriting on the outside.

	Kevin sat on the bed, holding the envelope in his hand. He wanted
to read it, but couldn't bring himself to open it. Maybe Nick would read it
for him.

	Kevin walked down the hall to Nick's room to see if he was there.
Finding it empty he headed to the next most likely location, the
kitchen. Whenever Nick was even a little upset, he ate. And Nick was upset
now.

	Getting closer to the kitchen, Kevin smelled food cooking. He
wasn't hungry at all. His appetite had disappeared lately. In fact the
thought of eating made him feel a little sick.

	Kevin pushed open the kitchen door, noticing the hole that was
there. Nick hadn't fixed it yet.

	Nick was making grilled cheese, trying to keep his mind off of
everything. He was supposed to call Allie in twenty minutes and was
watching the clock. He turned to see Kevin walk in. He smiled at him,
trying to be friendly.

	"I made some grilled cheese. Do you want some?"

	Kevin shook his head and sat at the table, glumly.

	"Can I get you anything Kevin?"

	"Do you have any beer?"

	Nick reached into the fridge and handed him a Killian's. Kevin
opened it and took a long drink. Nick sat down and started to eat his
grilled cheese.

	Kevin held the envelope in his hand, feeling the weight of it.

	"Nick?" He said softly.

	"Yeah Kevin?"

	"Can you read this for me?" He held the envelope out to Nick, his
hands shaking. Nick wiped his hands and took it from him.

	"Are you sure you want me to read this Kev? It's most likely
private."

	"I want to know what it says, but I can't make myself open it. I
need you to do it for me."

	Nick opened it and skimmed the letter quickly before reading it out
loud.

	"Dear Kevin. I don't know how to start this letter. I love you very
much. I hope by now you are feeling a little better and have calmed
down. Knowing you as well as I do, I know that you are not reading this.
Nick is reading it to you. And I understand that. I'm fine with that. So
instead of babbling anymore, let me cut to the chase. Tomorrow at 2:30 you
have an appointment with Karen Dwyer at the Medical Center. Please, please
go. We have to find out what is wrong so we can fix this and make you
better. I can't live without you, but right now I can't live with you. I
love you Kevin. Love always, Alexander."

	Kevin looked at Nick in disbelief when he finished reading.

	"He decided I needed help! How is it his place to decide when I
need help! Fuck him! I'm not going."

	Before Nick could say anything, Kevin had stalked out. Nick sighed
and finished eating his grilled cheese. He put the letter away, noticing
another piece of paper in the envelope. Curious, he pulled it out and read
it.

	Dear Nick,
	  I know you just read the letter for Kevin and knowing Kevin, he
just stalked out refusing to go. Nick, please take him to the appointment
tomorrow. He really needs to go. What I didn't tell him was that I have an
appointment with her tomorrow at 1pm. We both need help to keep this
relationship together. I don't want to lose him. I want to marry Kevin and
grow old and gray with him. I want to have children with him. Please help
me get that Nick. Please help me have what you will have with Allie.
   Love,
      AJ

	Nick folded up the letter and put it in his pocket. He sat and
thought about what was going on. How did he end up being the one Kevin and
AJ were relying upon? This was a totally foreign role for Nick. As the
youngest one in the group, he was always the last person who anyone turned
to for help. When he really thought about, he knew why. Howie was busy with
Luna and Ameena. Brian wasn't really getting along with either of them
right now. He and Kevin were barely beyond pleasentries still.

	The phone rang, jolting him out of his ponderings, and he looked at
his watch.

	"Shit. I was supposed to call Allie ten minutes ago."

	Nick picked up the phone and headed to the living room.

	"Hey sexy."

	"Nikolas?" The voice on the other end questioned.

	"Mom!?"



	Jessie handed AJ another tissue. It was almost time for another box
already. He'd already cried and snotted through two boxes since she had
gotten there. The guilt for what he had done was tearing him apart.

	"Tell me again I did the right thing Jessie. Please tell me I did
the right thing."

	She pulled him close to her and stroked his hair soothingly.

	"You did the right thing AJ. Nick will take good care of him."

	"He's going to flip when he sees what I did though. He's not going
to forgive me."

	"Yes he will. The therapy will help him with that. You said
yourself that you were more scared for him then you were for yourself.
Kevin will get through this."

	AJ sat up and blew his nose again.

	"Would it be a bad idea to go see him?"

	Jessie sighed heavily. "Yes it would be AJ. But I'm not going to
stop you and neither is Nick. If you want to go see him, you can."

	AJ stood up uncertaintly. He looked at Jessie and knew the answer
she wanted to give. He shouldn't go see Kevin tonight. It would only make
things worse. He would see him tomorrow at the studio. Brian and Howie
didn't know Kevin was at Nick's and he didn't plan on telling them. It was
up to Kevin. Everything was up to Kevin.



***There we go. Three more chapters down. Three more to go until I hit the
magic number of 20. Can I do it? Who knows? Only time will tell. I added 'N
sync and Britney Spears a little bit, but I'm not sure if I want to keep
them. They seem to be throwing off the tone of the story. I do have some
interesting plans for JC that would work really well with this
story. Please e-mail me with comments and suggestions. If you blast me, I
will post it on my website, so make sure your grammer and spelling are
correct, because people will read it and we wouldn't want them to laugh at
you now would we. :)