Date: Sat, 29 Jul 2000 09:25:02 -0700 (PDT) From: Darren LeVanelle <levanelle@yahoo.com> Subject: Everything I Said 4 *********************************************************************** This is a work of fiction. I am in no way implying or stating anything about the real life sexuality of the member of 'N Sync. This story involves homosexuality, and male/male romance. If you are offended by this type of material please leave now. Also if you are under the age of 18, or this type of material is illegal in your state or country, please leave too. All comments and suggestions can be sent to levanelle@yahoo.com as I love to hear EVERYTHING from my readers. Check out my SlashPage for more information about me and my stories at: http://www.angelfire.com/celeb/DLeVanelle/index.html Also you can try and catch me online. My AIM name is DLeVanelle. I'm always up to chatting with my fans. Hope you enjoy. Later! -Darren *********************************************************************** EVERYTHING I SAID - Chapter 4 - Written by Darren LeVanelle LAST CHAPTER ******************** "You're gay?" I asked. I must have had a bad tone in my voice because Lance ran through to the other side of the 'Game Room' and disappeared through another door, leaving me looking like a retard with the rest of the guys. "See what happens when you open you BIG mouth!" Joey finally spoke up to Justin. CHAPTER 4 *********************** I stood there looking at the four of them still in shock. Joey was pacing back and forth around the room as the bus still made it's way through the greater Houston area. After the shock of Lance's sexuality had worn off I started to feel really stupid. JC was still sitting quietly on the couch. He hadn't said a word. Chris was still shaking his head. And Justin? Well, I always said he was the bitch of the group. "So help me if you say one word about this to the media Jeremy, I'm gonna..." OK. That had done it. As many of my friends put it I was the nicest guy they had ever met. I was constantly the nice, sweet one that almost never had an attitude. But as a friend put it to me one time, you'd hate to see me in a bad mood because it is, quite frankly, a very sordid sight! I ran into the center of the room and forcefully pushed Justin down onto the couch while he was still speaking. "Shut up right now or your friends here will have to end up taking us both to the emergency room to surgically remove my foot from your ass!" My voice practically echoed through the entire bus, to the point that we shook suddenly; the driver must have lost it for a moment. Whether from fear or laughter I couldn't say. Chris just stood there quietly. Joey was almost exactly the same way. JC however, had this funny little grin on his face. I'd have to ask him about later...if I'd ever talk to him at all. "Y'know I could have your ass fired in a quick..." I see Justin never learned. What a little punk! It didn't matter though. "I'll have you know," I interrupted him rather rudely, not even allowing him to speak at this point, "That I'd gladly lose my job any day of the year for sticking to my conscience than to keep it and let what you did just slide away like it didn't happen." I was clenching my fists now, the avid anger expressive on my face in the room. To my surprise I caught a glimpse of Joey and Chris slowly backing away from me. Hey. I may be a short little guy but others have learned the lesson. Don't fuck with me. Even Justin seemed to be losing his confidence in standing his ground with me. Not that I was all that intimidating or anything, just that that anger almost glowed from my body. His mouth was hanging slightly open, his eyes hand that small glint of fear in them. Good. Cause I wasn't about to have this conversation with him again. "I don't care who you are or what famous band you belong to Justin. That was the most appalling, most disrespectful thing you could have said!" I screamed out at him. "To someone you claim to be your friend. Somebody that you've worked with for a very long time! And it doesn't matter if he's gay! That was just WRONG!" Justin didn't even reply to my statement. Good. I hope he understood what I was so upset about. I wasn't about to tell them I was gay too cause that could make a bad situation worse. Not to mention it wouldn't have solved anything. I took a step back from him and muttered out. "You little fuck. So help me if you EVER talk to him like that again, there won't be enough surgeons in the world to reconstruct your face back to something resembling somewhat human." I turned around and headed towards the door Lance had just rushed through just a few minutes ago. As I passed through it I added in. "And that's not a threat Justin." He almost appeared to gulp down hard. "That's a promise." I followed the soft sound of Lance's hushed whimpers coming from the bunk bed area. Poor guy. Yes, I know I don't even like them but I'm a kind, gentle man at heart and just the reaction from him made me want to comfort the poor guy. I softly tiptoed down the walkway, coming up to the bunk the cries were coming from. He sounded pretty emotional. I softly rapped upon the wall near his bunk. I could hear him as he jumped suddenly at my knocking. "Lance." I spoke softly towards the bedding area. "Lance are you ok?" "Go away!" I heard him screeching back through the curtain. Well this wasn't going very well. I pulled the curtain aside and saw him with his knees clutched into his chest, rocking back and forth slightly on the bed. His face was drenched with the tears he had been crying. "Afraid I can't do that buddy." He looked up towards me, a little fury in his eyes but still the same warm, friendly face that led me into the back area of the tour bus. "You see when I asked if you were gay," I started speaking while taking a seat next to him, "I think you got the wrong idea from the tone in my voice. It's not that I care if you're gay or not, I just wanted to know if it was true." Lance continued to stare silently off towards the wall, not even acknowledging the fact that I was there. "I'm judging from your silence that you are. That's cool." His head then turned my direction. Yep. Got his attention that way. "That's cool?" he asked me, looking very confused. And that made him almost look cute to me for the first time. "I know what you're thinking. You're wondering how this almost stranger can just walk on in and be fine with something you've been denying for years." Lance's tears started to fade somewhat as I started my analysis, which it wasn't. I was speaking from my own experience. Although mine would not have made as much of an impact, considering that I'm not all famous and stuff. Well not yet anyways. "You're thinking 'How can he not hate me. I didn't even get the chance to say it to him.' Well it doesn't matter. I don't really know you Lance and I know you don't really know me. And I'm sorry that Justin had to act like such a child over something that is your business and not everyone else's." He smiled a bit as I spoke to him. That made me feel a little better, but not a whole lot. I should be revealing the fact that I'm gay too, and that he's not alone. That's something I should be doing. It was the right thing to do. But I didn't feel like offering the information. If he wanted to know I wanted him to ask. "So how is it that you know what I'm feeling?" he got out between the small whimpers he was still making. "Have you had someone come out to you before?" And that was all I needed. "I know what you're thinking because..." I had to turn my gaze away from him as I spoke. "Because I've been where you are right now." I wasn't about to even bother to look at him to see his reaction. That wasn't important. "Feeling alone. Secluded. Wondering what everyone is saying about. What they think about you. Does the fact that I fall in love with guys really make that much of a difference between them and me?" I finally gave in and turned to face the blonde. His tears had returned, but this time for different reasons. "And the truth of it all is that it doesn't matter. You're not alone. There are thousands of other guys out there who go through the same things we do every day. It's a struggle you have to face. But I don't want you to have to face it the way I did. Alienated. Feeling unwanted. Feeling unloved." His eyes swelled again at my words. I would have never guessed that I could help a person out the way I was helping Lance out at that very moment. It made me want to cry to. "You don't have to face it alone Lance. I may not be your friend yet, but I can be your shoulder. And it's here if you ever need it." Right then he practically jumped into a hug with me. He was crying really hard again. I just let him continue to sob into my shirt. It was all I could do. He had to let the pain he was holding in out. It took several minutes for his cries to finally subside. He even looked a little better. After he was able to sit up straight again I asked him another question. "So have you ever told the other guys about you being gay or was Justin making assumptions as usual?" "No. I've...never said anything." He looked ashamed right then. "Do you want to tell them?" He nodded at me, somewhat reluctantly, but still a very brave act. I admired his courage. That was something that took me months to do after I'd finally come to terms with being gay. "I just have one thing to ask of you. You can't say anything about me." His head shot in my direction in such a quick response to my words that it took me by surprise. "If you want the guys to know about you that's fine. After all they are your friends. But I have to be able to tell the rest of my 'employers' only when I feel it necessary. It has to be my choice." I asked him again softly. "Is that alright?" "Yeah." He stuttered out. "I understand what you mean." I gave him a smile before the two of us got out of his bunk and headed back towards the game room. As I slid back in through the doorway, Lance was just a few feet behind me, I heard Justin muttering. "About damn time. What were they doin? Fucking?" I had to restrain myself from just knocking him in the face right then. I can't stand intolerant people. Up until today I didn't hate any of the guys of 'N Sync. But Justin made it to my shit list pretty damn quickly. And for the most part, shit list inductee's are life time memberships. If I didn't want to kick his ass, I'd probably feel sorry for him. "No we weren't Justin." I said directly to him. He had so many 'Gay Classic' looks. You know what I mean. His jaw dropped slightly after being caught saying something he didn't think anyone would hear. I'm a recording engineer for Christ's sakes. Hearing is my life! "Now I think you all need to sit down for a minute. Lance has something he wants to say to you." After that I saw him turn a little red, feeling embarrassed that he was actually going to tell them about himself. I took a seat next to Joey, the most comfortable place in the bus by far at the moment, as Lance walked towards the middle of the room. "This..." he started out, unsure of how to say what he wanted to. "This...is pretty important but I've got to come clean and say it for once. I'm tired of hearing all the comments," Justin's head shook a bit as he said that, "about me being gay from Justin and having to constantly defend myself. So I'll just say it. It's true." "I'm gay." "I KNEW IT!" Justin gawked out and rose to his feet as soon as Lance had said the 'G' word. "Shut up Justin." Wow. Impressing me today aren't we JC? I've always heard those two were pretty close and they even acted that way since I started this job. It was quickly becoming the job from hell. But that's already apparent. The simple statement that JC made towards Justin took me by utter astonishment. I would never have guessed that JC would be such a sensitive guy about a subject such as homosexuality. God I hate that damn word. But enough about my observations and trying-to-be-witty one- liners. This was serious. "Yeah Curly." Joey said from my side. "Can't you see this is hard for him to do?" Way to go Joe. I knew there was a reason why we hit it off so well. But Lance hadn't finished yet. "Guys. There isn't really any reason to argue about this. I just thought I should be honest with all of you. I can't keep pretending around the people who mean the most to me. I understand that for the public I have to be something I'm not. I can deal with that. But I don't want to be ashamed in front of my best friends." Now this was a Kodak moment. All of the guys, even Justin so I have to give him some credit, got up from their seats and gave Lance a big group hug. "We're stronger than that." Chris said in Lance's ear. Yes. I heard it. Good ears remember? The hug slowly ended after a few minutes and everyone seemed to be at ease again. I guess they were a really close group. My friends were never THAT supportive. "So you guys are all cool with it?" Lance asked. "Of course we are Scoop." JC said. Another bonus point for the boy today. Stop it Mr. Chasez. You may start to grow on me too. And I can't end up liking too many members of 'N Sync. It'll ruin my stellar reputation. And then there was Justin. Sigh. Can I kill you now? "As long as you don't start dragging guys on the bus and make out with them in front of me I'm cool! YUCK! I don't wanna see any of that faggot shit!" Just when you thought he could be a man and just deal with it he has to go back and ruin it all for you. And I thought soap-opera villains were evil. "Don't you dare talk about my friend like that again!" I barked out, completely unaware of what I was saying. This was instinct talking. There's only so much my poor psyche can put up with in a day. And Lance looked over at me...and smiled. Damnit! I made another 'N Sync friend. That's two in two days. I really have to slow down. Things were all right after that. We all sat down and watched 'Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me'. I've seen the movie too many times but what else was there to do. After that some of the guys, myself included, started to get tired from having to be up so early and decided to hit the hay for a while. I got up with Lance, JC, and Chris. Joey and Justin decided that they were gonna stay up a little bit longer. Joey said he wanted to play some Nintendo 64 and Justin said he had 'something to do and it doesn't involve groups'. Miss Bitch is at it again already. Can't we be civil for more than two hours at a time? "Jeremy?" Lance questioned softly after JC had went down the walkway to the bunking area. "This may sound a little strange but, um, do ya...ummmmm..." "What is it?" I asked sincerely. "Do you think you could stay with me in my bunk. I just don't want to sleep alone right now." How sweet. I was getting a toothache just listening to the boy. "Sure. But no funny business." "Deal." "Hey Jere." Must have been Joey asking cause he's the only one who calls me 'Jere'. Lance looked over at me somewhat confused. "Same bunk?" He nodded. "I'll be there in a minute." He bounded down the walkway and disappeared behind the curtain. "Yes Joey." "I just thought you were a cool technician dude before," he started out saying to me, "But it turns out you're still a real person. Thanks for sticking up for Lance like that. Any other roadie here would have never bothered." "But I'm not any other roadie now am I?" Sometimes questioning is so much fun. It tells you a lot about the person you're asking. "Nope. Cause you're not a roadie. You're my friend. And his." He said, motioning with his head down the walkway. "And no one other than us has ever said that about him. We're gonna have ta hang out more often now. Cause I dig a guy with conviction." He turned back around and sat in front of the TV. Was he hitting on me? Prolly just my imagination. So I turned around and headed down to take a nap with Lance. Whoa! What I said just kicked in. But the funny thing was as I walked out the doorway I noticed something that set my mind in motion. Justin was opening up a laptop computer. Hmm. Made it into Lance's bunk no problem. I though I told him no funny business but he was wearing just a pair of boxers and a white t- shirt. O'well. I crawled in beside him and tried to get comfortable. "Don't tell me you sleep with your clothes on?" he asked me while I took my shoes off and set them on the floor. "No. I normally sleep naked or I can't sleep very well. But for you it will just be the boxers." I took of my pants and shirt and snuggled up close beside him and started to doze off. The last thing I noticed before I fell asleep was the feeling of movement and a sensation around my body. Lance had snuggled up against me and had one of his arms draped over my chest with his hand holding onto the side of my torso. *********************************************************************** TO BE CONTINUED??? I am just SO proud of myself!!! Four Chapters in FOUR days. Let's see how long I can keep going at this rate. Yes I know the chapters are small but at least you avid readers have a bit to read each day. I hate the long delays anyways! Hope you guys and gals liked this one. Trying to develop it the way it feels to me! TeeHee. On another note I'd like to say this has been a nice change for me. I also do the story in the celebrity section 'Night In The Novak' based on the TV show Popular and I needed a little distraction while I was working on my Season Finale and I have gotten so many positive response on this that I just can't seem to help myself! I LOVE writing this story. So please forgive me if later down the line the chapters are longer and more delayed apart. I can't do this ALL the time. Thanks again for reading and please send in your thoughts. I actually do respond to EVERY e-mail I get. The least I can do. Later people! -Darren ***********************************************************************