Date: Thu, 18 Jan 2001 23:25:51 EST
From: Angel36745@aol.com
Subject: Falling6

Disclaimer: I do not know the BSB I have never met the BSB. This is just a
story in other words it's not true. I do not work for anyone that has
contact with the BSB and so on this is just a story I hope you like it

 Authors note: I have noticed that not many people write BSB stories. So I
have decided that I will write as many BSB stories as I can. I might right
a few stories about different bands. But don't count on it to much. Ok I
use a few different symbol's in my story to help it. These *** mean a
character change, right after the *** a name will follow. When I am
starting a story off either from the beginning or from the start of another
chapter. I will put the name between these ***. Now I'm going to try and
stay away from using this but it has happened in the past. These (( )) mean
a note from me or a time change. Most of the time I'll just write out the
time change. But there are times when I'll get a little lazy so please
understand. I will not give my main character any weird powers like my
other stories. So this will be the first time that I'll write a normal
human story. Which mean's no Sryin's or anything else. I would also like to
add that if I start to slip to yell at me to stop. I hope you enjoy the
story.

Warning: This story isn't like my other stories it's a lot darker. it
involves Rape and a few other things later in the story. You've been
warned.
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****Richie****

  What my sister didn't know was that the stunts I had pulled never really
happened. I use to come home with bruises all over my body. I would make up
something and tell her that. I just didn't have the heart to tell her that
I was getting beat up. I had left that behind me and I planed on keeping it
that way. I did do a few dumb things but mostly it was the beatings I would
get from Eric. I had never told her what had been happening in my life. I
was afraid she would freak out, or hate me. I knew different now but still
it would hurt that I had kept so much. "I need to tell you a few things,
that I didn't when we left." She looked concerned and took a seat on my
bed. "A lot of those times I came home with bruises and cuts?" Her mouth
opened slightly like she knew what I was about to tell her. "Those didn't
happen because I fell out of a tree or anything. It was Eric, he would beat
me up, I didn't want anyone to know." Her hand slowly moved toward her
mouth. I could see the tears forming in her eyes, her head was shaking
slightly. "Why, why couldn't you tell me, I would have stopped him." I
walked to her side and wrapped her in a hug. "I was afraid you'd hate me,
and I thought it was my fault. I know now that it wasn't, but then I did. I
wanted to be loved to much I didn't care if pain came with it." The words
seemed to hurt more than I thought they would.

  She was shaking gently in my arms, and tears were falling from her
eyes. "I'm sorry, but I wouldn't take it back. If I did then I wouldn't
have met Nick, everything happens for a reason. Even the bad stuff, it
makes us who we are Rave, take your singing for instance. You couldn't sing
to save your life, but you dance better than anyone I've ever met." I got a
punch from the singing comment but that's what I wanted. Her soft giggles
seemed to ease the pain I was feeling. I didn't know why those memories
still hurt me. I guess that I wasn't as over it as I had thought. "So I
just wanted you to know that before you started talking to the guys. Nick
knows about the beating's and so on, so I didn't want you to find out like
that." She nodded and then pulled away from me slowly. "No more secrets,
and if theirs anything else I need to know tell me now." I moved up the
head of the bed to lean against the head board. I told her everything that
I could think of, even about Kevin. She was ready to kill him by the time I
was done, but that was ok. I knew that she couldn't really pull it off. On
the other hand he was going to get smacked by the master. The thought made
me laugh a little, you just had to see it yourself to believe it. One of
the main reasons I had stopped her before she Brian was that it really
hurt. It was like getting stung by a bee ten times.

  Besides that she was really harmless, as far as I knew. We both still had
a lot of catching up to do, but that had to wait. I had to see Nick, it had
been to long since I was in his arms. "I have to go and see my boyfriend
now, it's been to long. I'll show you your room in a little while ok?" She
nodded and I stood and left the room, soon to be followed by her. Nick was
sitting in the living room with the rest of the guys minus Kevin. "I have
gotten my sister to swear that she wouldn't tell you anything." All of them
started laughing their asses off. Their laughter got louder and louder
until I turned around to see my sister smiling sweetly. I should have known
better than to hope for her help in this matter. I laughed walking toward
Nick who's lap I was soon in. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed
him. His arms were soon holding me tightly, I felt so at peace with
myself. The rest of the world faded away and I lived in this moment
forever. Our hearts beat as one, my lives would be together. I could tell
that Nick was in the same place that I was. Our souls soared to the heavens
searching out the star light. I had once heard of a bird that lived it's
life on the ground. It wasn't because it didn't have wings, it was because
it was only half of a bird. For hundreds of years the bird walked the earth
in search of it's counter part.

  One day the bird found what it had been missing. When the two became one
they flew for the first time. They reached out and touched the stars in the
heavens. I felt what that bird felt then, I could touch the stars. All
because of my one and only love in the world, all because of Nick. When I
opened my eyes I noticed that Nick had at the same time. I could see my
future in his eyes. I just hoped that he saw the very same thing. No matter
where I went for the rest of my life I would have Nick, and he would have
me. The room was silent, I turned to see four sets of eyes on us, I blushed
lightly. I could see tears hanging in my sisters eyes. "That was the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen, it was so pure." She had no idea how much
that kiss really carried with it. It was like finding myself all over
again. I took a deep breath and turned my body so I could lay against
him. His arms were wrapped around me tightly as we looked at the others in
the room. "So what are we going to do tonight?" Everyone just looked from
one another to the other. "I was thinking welcome home party." AJ said
smiling moving toward my sisters side. "Sounds like a good idea, but I have
one question." I tilted my head so I could face Nick. "How long are you
going to be home?" I smiled brightly, he really was sweet. "For as long as
you can stand me." He kissed me again and it was like the forth of July in
my mind.

  I found myself at the same club that I had met Nick in. It was AJ's idea
since Nick and I both had fond memories of the place. We danced the night
away with the guys that night, it was wonderful. AJ had stayed close to my
sister the whole night while Howie stayed mostly to himself. I was going to
hook that boy up with a girl I had met in Paris. She was really sweet and
wanted to settle down and build a family. I think that's what Howie had
been looking for. "I'm going to get some drinks, want anything?" I nodded
and walked with Nick to the bar. I ordered a coke and Nick got a
screwdriver, he really liked being twenty-one. I smiled to myself as we
moved back to the dance floor. Everything was going great so far. My sister
looked like she was having the time of her life with AJ. I had already
called my agent and set up a meeting for my sister. I hoped that I could
get her some jobs soon. I knew that she wouldn't like living with me rent
free. She had thrown a fit when I told she wouldn't have to pay for
anything. She told me that she would get a job and pay some of the
bills. At least with her working the runway she would have a lot of
money. When everyone was finally ready to leave we jumped into our cars. I
was driving myself, Nick, and Brian while my sister drove Howie and AJ's
car. We were the only ones that hadn't drink anything that night.

   It had been a month since I had been home. Nick and Brian were getting
ready to go back on tour. I didn't like the idea of sitting around so I
decided that I would go with them. My sister wasn't even in the same area
code anymore. Jake had liked her so much he had sent her to LA for a
month. I had jumped his hide for it after I heard the news. I was happy for
my sister don't get me wrong, I was just worried about her. She was new at
all of this and I had planed on helping her. Now I couldn't she was to far
away, and the phone calls rarely came. She didn't have time for to many
calls anymore, I understood but it still hurt a little. So I packed my
bag's and talked it over with Nick who was as happy as a peacock. Brian had
voiced his worries about me and Kevin crossing paths again. I told him not
to worry, that Kevin would most likely stay out of my way. I had almost
felt sorry for him when I saw him, he looked like hell. When I looked into
his eyes I could see pain. I had never thought that it would touch my heart
the way it did. I was never a person that enjoyed someone else's pain, this
was no different. No one had gone near him in nine months. He had stayed
away from family thinking I would tell them what happened. He had lived the
last nine months alone, it was worse than prison.

  I could tell that I wasn't the only one that felt sorry for him. I could
read it in the way Howie looked at him. Nick and Brian held no pity for
Kevin, and with good reason. I stayed close to them both hoping it would
rub off. When he sang it was so full of pain and sadness. He had deep bags
under his eyes from sleepless nights. Sometimes when I passed his room on
the way to Nick's I could hear soft cries. I had every right to hate him,
but I found myself letting it go slowly. If it hadn't been for Brian I
would have let him off. But it wasn't just my choice, not now or ever. I
hadn't been the only person to be attacked. That meant I didn't control
Kevin's fate alone it was up to me and Brian. I didn't have the heart to
ask Brian to forgive Kevin. It would never be my place to do so, it was
Kevin's place to ask for forgiveness. But he feared the outcome, I could
tell from the way he looked away. He had only made eye contact with me
twice and both times he turned away. As the tour kicked into high gear
Kevin got worse then before. I decided that I would keep a close eye on
him. I didn't want him to kill himself over this that's why I had
threatened him the way I did. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I
was cause of a death. To make someone pay for their crimes was one thing,
but to kill was another. Even if I wasn't the one to pull the trigger, I
had loaded the gun.

  I found myself standing on the outside of Kevin's door, I had been
feeling weird for a while. I stood there for ten minutes, I kept asking
myself what I was doing here. He had hurt me in so many ways, why should I
care about him? I slowly raised my hand and knocked gently at first. When
there was no answer I beat on the door until he opened it. When he saw it
was me he backed away quickly. I entered his room and closed the door
behind me. He was shaking slightly, he was truly afraid of me, of what I
could do. I could see tears hanging in his eyes, and so much pain. I moved
past him to the table that was sitting in his room. I took a seat and
looked at him closely, he had lost a lot of weight. He was dying slowly
from the inside out, I shook my head lightly. I pointed to the other chair
and nodded toward him. He walked to it and sat down he looked away from
me. "Look at me Kevin, I'm not here to hurt you." His eyes slowly met mine,
I searched for an answer. "Tell me why, tell me how you could do what you
have done." I wanted reasons, maybe in them I could find the answer to my
own questions. "I don't have any reasons, I just did it." His voice was
shaking slightly as he spoke, he was hiding something.

  I had gotten better at reading people over the last couple of
months. Kevin was no different, he had reasons even if he didn't know them
himself. His reasons could be something evil and hard to understand. Then
again his reasons could light up a path to the truth. I no longer had
nightmares about that night, but I did remember that he had tried to be
gentle. The damage he had caused me had been more mental than anything
else. The reason it had done so much damage to was simple, it had happened
before. Eric had done things to me, that I could never forget. When Kevin
had raped me it brought those memories flooding back. "Tell me why you
decided to rape your own cousin, what happened that first night?" He didn't
react the way I had hoped, it didn't shock him. In other words I had asked
the wrong question. "I got drunk one night and went to his room to
talk. When he answered the door he only had a towel around his waist. He
invited me in, then dropped his towel and walked to the bed. He then
started to get dressed, he didn't get that far. After I had done the deed,
I threatened him, it's all I knew to do." That was what I was waiting to
hear, something like this had happened to Kevin. Kevin still had a lost
look in his eyes, almost like he was reliving something. I had to pick my
next question very well. "Tell me about your father Kevin, if you wouldn't
mind." Kevin's head shot up and I could see the wall's slamming closed.

  He was taking deep breaths, his eyes had turned to ice. His whole body
seemed to change, along with his face. I had chosen the perfect question,
but did I really want the answer. I knew now that I didn't need to know
anymore, his face said everything. "Theirs nothing to tell, nothing at
all." His voice was so filled with pain, then it was like he reverted to
something else. I nodded slowly and started to stand, he could talk if
chose to. As I moved toward the door it was like he wanted to say something
but wouldn't. I opened the door and stepped out then started closing the
door. "Wait, please I haven't really talked to anyone in a while." I opened
the door and walked back in, he looked like a child. He had tears in his
eyes, his whole body seemed to shake. "I'm so sorry for what I've
done. Could you please just sit and talk for a while? It would mean a lot
to me, even if you just listened." It took a lot to hold myself together, I
couldn't let him see a weakness. I nodded since my voice would have broke
if I had spoken. I went back to the table and listened to Kevin talk for
two hours. Every once and a while I would say something back. When I left
the room he was asleep, I had moved him to his bed. I walked down to Nick's
room and knocked on the door. He opened it and took me in his arms.

  I felt kind of bad since I had made Nick worry so much. "Where were you,
I was about to send out a search party?" I took his hand in mine and pulled
him to the bed. "I was in Kevin's room talking to him." Nick looked highly
confused and a little upset, but more confused. "I'm sorry Nick, but it's
not in me to hate anymore. When I look into his eyes I see so much pain. I
wanted that at first but now things have changed. I think there are reasons
why Kevin is the way he is. That doesn't give him any right to do what he
did. But I think he needs help, not punishment. I'm not letting him off the
hook it's not my choice alone. I need to talk to Brian and you before hand,
we all need to decide." Nick was shaking his head lightly. "How do you do
it? I mean you've already forgiven him, I can see it in your eyes. What
could have happened to him that made you change your mind? What did he tell
you, I'm sure it was a lie?" I looked into his eyes and wondered if it was
my place. "It wasn't what he told me Nick, it's what he didn't. Sometimes
you have to look deeper than the surface. He's in more pain than I thought
he could be. If thing's don't change he'll kill himself and I will not be
responsible for that. I will not cost anyone there life, it's not in me to
do that." Nick leaned his forehead against mine and closed his eyes.

  We didn't talk about it anymore that night. The next morning Kevin looked
a little better, but not much. He kept his distance from everyone but me,
he wouldn't talk but he stayed close. No one but Nick noticed how Kevin
tried to stay close to me. Everyone else didn't know what I did. I had
forgiven Kevin for his crimes, but I would never forget. I had an idea, but
it was up to Nick and Brian. I was thinking that maybe if Kevin went to a
doctor he could get better. And maybe in time, everyone could forgive
him. It was a long shot but it was his only shot. He couldn't last much
longer at this rate, no one could. It's one thing to chose to be alone it's
another to be forced. I asked Brian and Nick to meet me in Nick's room at
two. They both agreed and went on with what they were doing. I kept a close
eye on Kevin until it was time for a brake, we all headed back to the
hotel. I noticed that Kevin stayed pretty far away from everyone, even
me. We got out and I went straight to the room. The guys would take a
little longer, they had screaming fans. I had a hat and sun glasses on, my
hair was in a braid and under my shirt. I had to make sure no one knew who
I was, it would endanger the band. I sat in the room and tried to find the
right words.

  When Nick and Brian walked I was in the middle of a deep thought. I
didn't really see or hear them, my mind was rolling. Nick tapped me on my
shoulder and I jumped up looking around. I took a few deep breaths and
looked at them, they laughed at me. "Ok both of you calm down, I have
something serious to talk about." Nick instantly stopped looking into my
eyes, it took Brian a few seconds. "Ok I'm better now, what is it you want
to talk about Richie?" Ok so this was a little harder than I thought it
would be. "It's about Kevin, and we have a choice to make." Brian looked at
me then Nick, his mind must have been shattered. "Did he do something to
you Rich, I mean if he did do what ever you have to." I took a few deep
breaths and then looked to Nick, I hoped he was behind me on this. "Kevin
didn't do anything Bri, I did something to him. I talked with him last
night, he has a lot of problems." Brian looked confused, he kept looking
from Nick to me. "I think we should stop what we are doing to Kevin. I have
a lot of reasons, but none of those matter if either of you are against
it. I think he needs to see a doctor, a shrink in other words. He's needs
help not punishment, I think Kevin's dad raped him. I believe it's the main
reason he did what he did to us." Brain's face had changed, but he didn't
look angry, he looked sick.

  Brain was taking deep breaths and sitting on the bed. "Did he tell you
that Rich, I mean if he did?" He just left the sentence hanging in the
air. "No, he didn't tell me that, but I asked him. I've been feeling really
bad lately, and even when I shouldn't care about Kev, I do. I find myself
looking for answers and only finding more questions. I tried to get some
answers last night, but that was in vain. But when I asked about his father
Kevin changed, it was like walls slamming closed. His eyes filled with ice
and pain, untold pain. I decided that it would be a good time to leave,
when I was outside the door he stopped me. Not by force or anything, he
cried out for me to stay just a little while. I listened to him talk for a
while. He didn't really talk about anything important he just talked."
Brian was looking at the floor, his eyes were brimming with tears. "I asked
him why he had done what he did to you, it wasn't my place but I asked. He
told me what happened that night, not the details. He said that he didn't
have any reasons for his actions. I can't believe that, not of him,
something inside my heart screams that he needs help. That's why I asked
both of you here, I'm not making this call on my own. It's up to us, as a
family, it's what we are to one another. I know Nick is the one looking in
from the outside. But you and me Bri, we've both been there in the same
place. I know it was different for you, I won't pretend other wise." I
stopped for a few seconds, I had to give Brian a chance to take it all in.

  Nick was sitting a little away from us, but watching closely. I needed
Nick more than he thought, he could see things differently than I could. I
was letting myself follow my heart and soul. While Nick was still thinking
with his head, not his heart. Brian could be pushed into agreeing with me,
I didn't want that. I wanted him to really make the choice himself. With
Nick here he would make a choice that was right for him. "I'm not trying to
presser you Bri, really I'm not. I just keep seeing the pain in his eyes, I
know I don't have to look. I just can't help myself, he looks so alone, so
lost." I had to stop, if I went on it would change Brian's mind. I could
make him feel as guilty as I felt, I could tell him that I thought Kevin
would kill himself. I couldn't do that to him, it wouldn't be right, it
takes his choice away. I waited, hoping that Brian would chose soon even if
it was not to care. "Are you sure about his dad doing that, I mean could
that have really happened? That alone would be reason enough for him to get
help. But I would have to know for sure that was the reason." I looked at
Brian, he had his rights and now I had to find out myself. "No, I don't
know for sure, but I'll find out tonight after the concert." Brian looked
up at me and shook his head. "No, you can't face him alone, he might lose
it." I shook my head I had already faced Kevin alone.

  That night I stood outside Kevin's door again. This time I knocked
normally, he answered seconds later. He moved out of my way and invited me
in, he was smiling. I could see light in his eyes, something like hope. In
just a few seconds I had found that I liked that feeling. He was hopeful
that he wouldn't be alone anymore. "We need to talk Kev, and I mean really
talk. I have some really important questions to ask you and I need the
truth." Kevin was nodding, while walking toward the table. He sat down and
looked at me with a smile. It wasn't a smile that I had ever seen on an
adults face. It looked more like the smile of a child. "Last night I asked
you about your father and you closed up on me. I can understand that, but
not now, a lot is riding on this Kev." He looked lost for a few seconds. He
had tears falling from his eyes and his body was shaking. I wanted to hug
him but I couldn't force myself to get that close to him. I sat down across
from and looked into his eyes. He was fighting a battle, one that I hoped
he won. "He was my father, theirs not much else to tell." His voice had
cracked five times in the short sentience. I put my hand in his and held it
there, his eyes focused on my hand. He looked into my eyes and the tears
fell quicker. "It wasn't my father that raped me Richie it was........."

To Be Continued
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I know I'm evil and most likely you are going to yell at me. Well, I would
love to hear from you anyway. I'm sure you know my e-mail address, and if
you don't scroll down a little bit. The next part is going to take a little
time, I have to do some research. I bet you all thought it was Kevin's
father well guess again. Ok I'm off to write more, my insanity has kicked
in full gear.

E-mail: Angel36745@aol.com