Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2000 21:08:43 -0400 (EDT)
From: JT
Subject: Fated Love Chapter 7: Last call for JC

       	I just wanted to go home so bad but I couldn't.  I wanted
to goback to my room, my refuge, my sanctuary to cry my heart out but I
couldn't.  I couldn't face anybody at home right now, and I didn't think I
would have the strength to tell them what happened if they ask.  I was
getting more depressed as I sat there waiting for my flight.  I was so
happy when I heard my flight boarding.  This distracted me a little as I
got up and dragged my exhausted body into the plane.
	As soon as the stewardess showed me my seat, I sat down, closed my
eyes and tried to block out everything.  I tried not to think of him.  I
tried not to cry, but I couldn't control my emotion as tears began to roll
down my face.  Luckily I got a window seat so I turned my face out to the
window and cried myself to sleep.
	When I arrived at the airport, my cousin Melissa was waiting for
me.  I was so happy that we were really close to each other.  She was the
only person I could turn to right now.  Melissa quickly pulled me in a hug
the second she saw me "God! I haven't seen you so long.  Where have you
been all this summer? Where are Kenny and Amy? How come they are not with
you?  How come you are here by yourself?" Melissa bombarded me with
questions.
	"I come here alone. They are still at home. Can we leave now? I'm
so exhausted.  You know flying does this to me.  I'll tell you everything
later.  So please move your ass and get me out of here already"
	"Ok! Ok! What got into your pants? Why are you so grouchy? You're
never like this before.  Oh my god! Something happened right? This is why
you're here alone"
	All I could do was nodded.  She looked at me for a few seconds the
said "Let's go Tommy!"
	"Thanks Mel." I muttered.
	"For what?"
	"For coming here and picking me up.  I don't know where to go
anymore.  I don't want to go home and I don't want to go anywhere
either.  I'm so glad that I have you"  I thought about what I just said
and realized it's so true.  The earth is so big, yet there was no place
for me.
	"Let's go honey! We'll talk later" with that she grabbed my arms
and dragged me out of the airport.
	We walked to the parking lot where she parked her car.  She opened
the trunk for me to put my luggage in, then we drove off.
	"You and JC have a fight?" Melissa asked me suddenly when we were
in the car.
	"No, we didn't have a fight.  I wish we had a fight.  It would
have been better and easier for me to deal with" I sighed.
	"What do you mean Tommy?"
	"He wanted to take sometime off to sort out his feelings" I
answered her.
	"Why? The last time you told me was you two are going great, and
it wasn't that long ago"
	"Yeah! I know. But so many things have happened in such a short
period of time."
	"What's happened?"
	"Can we not talk about it now? I'm so tired, and I don't feel like
talking about it now.  I'll tell you everything later."

	"Here you can stay in this room Tommy.  It's a little messy, I
didn't have enough time to clean it up" Melissa told me when she showed me
the room I usually stay when I'm there.
	"It's ok! Thanks Mel." I said as I dropped my bags on the floor
and flopped down on the bed.
	"So can we talk now?" she asked impatiently.
	"I guess so.  I never tell you that Justin loves JC right?"
	"No, you haven't.  He came between you two?"
	"Yes" I sighed.  Then I slowly told Mel. everything that has
happened "I need to stay here for a few days till JC tells me his decision
Mel."
	"What would you do if he told you that he has decided to choose to
be with Justin?"
	Melissa's question struck me.  I've never thought about that
possibility.  I couldn't answer her as I stared in blank space.  I could
feel the tears slowly blurred my vision "I don't know Mel.  I don't know
what I would do.  I never thought about that"
	"I'm sorry Tommy.  I shouldn't have asked you that" Melissa
apologized "Don't worry! JC won't leave you" she assured me.
	"I don't know Mel.  I'm not sure anymore.  Even if we get back
together, it won't be the same.  My love and trust for him won't be the
same." I turned away to look at the window, and quickly wiped away the
tears in my eyes.  I didn't want Melissa to see me crying "This is why I
never want to fall in love in the first place.  I know that love is
beautiful and everybody should experience it once in their lives.  But the
heartbreak is also incredibly painful Mel.  Why did he do it to me? He
promised me that he wouldn't let Justin come between us.  He promised me
that he would never hurt me or leave me, and look what he did.   I guess
promises are only meant to be broken" my body shook slightly as I felt a
tear rolled down on my face.
	"Oh Tommy!" Melissa pulled me into a hug "Don't worry
honey! Everything will work out fine.  Why don't you stay here and relax
for a couple days? That would be enough time for him to sort out his
feelings and he would probably give you an answer by then.  There's no
point in stressing over it now"
	"I know that there's no point in stressing over it, but I couldn't
help it.  I just hate it when I couldn't do anything but sitting here and
wait for his answer.  I feel so helpless Mel., and I hate that."
	"I know Tom" Melissa said as she stood up "Are you hungry? You
want me to make you something to eat?"
	"Na, I'm fine.  Thank you.  I'm going to take a little nap.  Maybe
I will feel better after the nap"
	"Ok! I'll see you later then" Melissa exited the room and closed
the door behind her.

	"Hi baby!" JC greeted me as he entered.  He was wearing Khaki
pants and a blue shirt.  The 2 top and bottom buttons of his shirt were
unbuttoned to expose his well-defined chest and his flat stomach.
	"Hi JC! How are you doing?" I asked.
	"Very good! He leaned in to kiss me.  He put his hand behind my
neck to pull me gently forward.  Soon I found a pair of soft, moist lips
pressed against mine.
	"Hmm!" I moaned as I opened my mouth to invite his tongue to
enter.  His hands were one my face, pulling me more into the kiss.  The
kissing was getting more passionate.  He suddenly pulled back and looked
behind me.
	I was surprised by his action so I turned my head to see what he
was looking at.  My face became white as I saw Justin stood by the door
waving for JC.  When I turned around to look at JC, he had a confused look
on his face.  He didn't know if he should stay here with me or go with
Justin.   Then an expression appeared on his face telling me he has made
up his mind.  He looked at me tenderly and mouthed the words "I'm
sorry" as he slowly walked away with Justin as he has come and stood next
to JC and held JC's wrist.  The two of them slowly walked away.
	"Please don't JC!" was all I could mutter as I felt his fingers
slowly slipped from mine.  My grip of his hand was loosen as Justin pulled
him harder and they both walked out of the room.  JC turned back and spoke
softly "I love you" before he disappeared.
	"NO!" I screamed as I quickly sat up.  I was soaked with sweats as
I looked around and realized that I was at my cousin's house.  I turned to
look at the direction for the door, but it was closed.  The image of JC
was no where to be seen.  I realized that I just had a dream, but it was
so vivid, so real.  I grabbed my head with both hands in pain "Why
JC? Why?"
	For the next two days, I was waiting impatiently for JC to call
me.  I couldn't do anything but thinking about him.  Melissa tried her
best to cheer me up in vain.  I couldn't sleep at all because every time I
closed my eyes, the image of his face appeared.  It was getting harder and
harder for me, and I couldn't take it anymore.  I decided to go back home
on the third day.  Go back to the place where I always go to when I have
problems, my uncle's cabin.
	I was sitting by the lake, enjoying the gentle breezes when my
cell phone rang.  I quickly took it out and answered it "Hello?"
	"Hello Tom! This is Brian"
	"Oh hi Brian! How are you doing?" I asked disappointedly.
	"Very good! Are you doing anything tomorrow Tom?"
	"No, I'm not doing anything tomorrow.  Why Brian?" I wondered.
	"Oh because I'm in Orlando and I'll be free tomorrow.  I was
wondering if you want to go with me to visit somebody and hang out
together."
	"Sure Brian!" I said.
	"Cool! Where are you now?"
	"I'm staying at my uncle's cabin right now"
	"Give me the address so I can come and pick you up"
	"K!"
	"Take care Tom.  I'll see you tomorrow" Brian spoke after I gave
him the address.
	"I'll see you tomorrow Brian" I was feeling a little better after
talking to Brian, and I was actually looking forward to spending the day
with him.

	"So where are we going Brian?" I asked him when we were in the
car.
	"We don't have to go if you don't want to go, but we are visiting
this lady.  Her name is Julia Wesley.  She's a hundred and six years old"
	"Really?"
	"Yeah! I knew her a couple years ago, and I want to introduce you
to her"
	"Cool!  I can't wait to see somebody who lives that long" I said
quietly.
	"Tom cheer up will you?  It's not the end of the world, and he
will call you soon" Brian spoke suddenly when he saw the gloomy expression
on my face as I was thinking about JC.
	"I'm sorry Brian, but I can't stop thinking about him, no matter
how much I tried."
	"You don't have to apologize Tom.  But I want you to try and have
fun today, and stop thinking about him.  I know it's hard but there's no
point for you in being depressed.  How about I tell you a joke to cheer
you up?"
	"Sure!" I smiled feeling happy and lucky that I got to know Brian.
	"Ok! Here it goes.  A mad had dinner at a restaurant.  He ordered
a steak.  When his steak came out, he saw a hair on his steak so he made
the waiter to take it back and make him another one.  When his second
steak came out, he still saw a hair on his steak again.  This time the man
was so mad.  He wanted to talk to the manager of the restaurant, and he
demanded to see how the chef makes his steak.  He stood in the kitchen
watching the chef cooking.  He saw that when the steak was done, the chef
took the steak and put it under his armpit.  The man was so furious when
he saw this.  He turned to the manager and said 'Did you see that? Did you
see what he did to my steak?' The manager was speechless.  He couldn't say
anything but the chef looked at the man and said 'Mister, you should have
come here on Wednesday.  That's when we serve donuts'
	"That was funny, but it's a little dirty" I chuckled.
       "You call that dirty, wait till you hear this one.  This one is
even more perverted and twisted." Brian snickered "There were two gay
guys.  They've been together for so long, and both of them decided to have
a child.  But they didn't want to adopt so they found a surrogated mother
to carry their child.  They mixed their sperms together so no matter whose
child it is, it will be fair and square.  Nine months later, they had a
boy.  Both of them were so happy when they stood watching their son
through the glass in a room full of newborn babies.  One of the gay guy
said 'Oh look at our baby!  He looks so cute and happy.  He's smiling
while all the other babies are crying.'  A nearby nurse heard what he
said.  She turned to look at them and said 'Yeah he's happy alright.  Wait
till we take the pacifier out of his ass' "
       "Oh my god! That was really mean and perverted.  But I love
it.  Where do you get these jokes Brian?" I laughed.
       "AJ told me these joke.  He told me lots of them."
       "I know that you're a good singer, but I didn't know you're a good
storyteller too."
       "Since I'm so hot today you want to hear another one?" Brian
grinned.
       "Sure! Why not?" I looked at him smiling.  I couldn't help but took
a good look at him.  He's so handsome.  I love the structure of his
cheekbone, his deep, small eyes.  I was brought back to reality by the
sound of his voice.
      "Ok! A black man and his wife are going to a Halloween party in a
couple days.  The husband tells his wife to go to the store and get
costumes for them to wear.  When he comes home that night, he goes to the
bedroom where laid out on the bed was a Superman costume.  The husband
yell at his wife, 'What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black
Superman?  Take thisback and get me something else I can wear.'  The nest day the wife was not
too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement.  The husband comes
home from work once more and there laid out on the bed was a Batman
costume.  He again yells at his wife, 'What the hell are you doing? Have
you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I
can wear to the party.'  By this time the wife is furious, so the next day
she goes shopping again.  When the husband comes home from work, there
laid out on the bed three items.  One is a set of three white buttons,
another is a white belt and the third item is a 2x4 piece of wood.  The
husband yells at his wife, 'What the hell are these for?'   The wife yells
back 'You can take off your clothes and take the three white buttons and
put them on the front of you and go as a domino.  If you don't like that
one, you can take the belt and put it on and go as an Oreo cookie.  And if
you don't like that one either, you can stick this 2x4 up your ass and go
as a fudgesickle!"
       "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" I was laughing so hard with tears "It is so
funny.  Where did you hear this joke Brian?"
       "Fatima, our choreographer told me this one.  I'm glad that you
like this joke Tom" I could see the smile on his face.
       "Like it?  I don't like it.  I love it.  It's so funny.  I can't
wait to tell it to Kenny and Amy."

       The rest of the drive was also very pleasant for me.  We talked
about anything and everything.  He told me so many things about himself and his
bandmates.  Not even once that he brought up the subject of JC, and I
momentarily forgot about him.
       "Here we are!" Brian spoke as he pulled in a drive of a beautiful
house.  We got out of the car and walked up the front door as Brian rang the
bell.  A middle age woman answered the door "Hi Brian!  How are you
doing?  Haven't seen you for a long time.  Oh and who do we have here?"
       "Hi Rose!  Haven't seen you for a long time either" he leaned
forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek "This is my friend Tom.  Tom this is
Rose" Brian introduced us.
       "Nice to meet you Rose" I greeted the lady as I shook her hand.
       "Nice to meet you too Tom.  Come on in you two" Rose said as she
opened the door wider to let us enter.
       We walked into the living room and saw an old lady sitting on a
chair.  Brian approached her and pulled her into a hug "Hello
Mrs. Wesley! How are you doing?"
       "Never been better Brian.  How are about you? How have you been?"
       "Very good Mrs. Wesley! Just a little busy with my schedule.  I
want to introduce you to a friend of mine.  His name is Tom"
       "It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Wesley!" I shook the old lady's
hand.  I couldn't help but took a good look at her.  For a hundred and six years
old, she looked mighty healthy and strong.
       "It's a pleasure to meet you too Tom!"
       For the next hour, I sat there silently watching Mrs. Wesley and
Brian talking.  I was fascinated by Brian's charm.


       "So what do you think about Mrs. Wesley?" Brian asked me when we
were in the car on the way back.
       "She's a very nice lady, and she looks really good at hundred and
six" i commented.
       "Yeah! I agree with you.  I wish I could live as long as she
is.  She has everything."
       "Not me.  I don't think living as long as Mrs. Wesley is a
blessing.  I rather consider it's a punishment" I said.
       "What do you mean Tom?  Doesn't everybody wish to live long and
healthy?"
       "Yes, but not that long Brian.  Answer me one question Brian.  Have
you and Mrs. Wesley ever talked about her family?"
       "Hmm! No, we never talk about her family.  I know her for a long
time, but never once she mentions about her family" Brian pondered.
       "K! Some more questions, why do you think Mrs. Wesley have so many
cats? I mean if you want to have a pet, one or two cats should be enough.  But why
would a hundred and six year-old woman want to have as many as sixty four
cats?  Doesn't this look strange for you?"
       "Yeah! It never occurs to me till you told me"
       "Imagine how many things a person who has lived more than a century
witnesses and experiences Brian.  Surely Mrs. Wesley has many
relatives.  But do they all live as long as she does?  I couldn't imagine
anything more horrible than watching your loved ones die one by one
Brian.  I believe that's why Mrs. Wesley never wants to talk about her
family.  Talking about it only brings back the sadness, the memories that
she tries to block away.  That's why I also believe why Mrs. Wesley has so
many cats.  In a way, they remind her of her family members.  The only
difference is it would be less painful for Mrs. Wesley when a cat dies
than one of her family member dies.  The cats are there to fill in the
emptiness, the void that her family members left for her.  Therefore I
don't think I'm wrong when I say living as long as Mrs. Wesley is not a
blessing, but a punishment."
       "Yeah! I agree with you now.  You're really observant Tom" Brian
commented.
       "Yeah! Thanks to JC" I muttered lowly only myself could hear.  I
didn't mean to blame JC but after the heartbreak with JC, I seemed to judge and
look at everything on negative aspects.

       "So what are we doing now?" I asked when we were sitting and
talking in my uncle's cabin.
       "I don't know.  How about we just hang around here and talk?"
       "Ok!" I replied half-heartedly.
       "How have you been the last few days Tom?"
I knew we would eventually come to this topic "I'm fine Brian! Why are you
asking?"
       "I'm just concerned about you.  What are you gonna do?  Just
waiting for him like this?"
"Yes, that's the only thing I could do right now.  He left me no choice
but waiting for his answer, waiting for him to tell me about his
decision.  Can you tell me what I can do Brian?"
"I'm sorry Tom if I hurt you in my questions.  I didn't mean
anything.   It's just I don't like seeing you hurting" Brian sighed.
"I'm ok! I can still handle it.  Thanks though!"
"The guys and I always thought Justin and JC are a couple by the way they
act around each other.  I was so surprised when I found out about him and
you" Brian said suddenly.
I grimaced after hearing what he said.  I felt a sharp pain to my chest.
"I'm sorry Tom.  I'm so sorry" Brian apologized after realizing what he
just did.
"It's ok Brian! I wondered about it myself all the time" I quickly cut him
off "I just hope he will give me the answer soon.  I don't think I can
wait for much longer.  The pain is too much Brian" I poured myself out to
Brian.
"Tom...I...I...think I am...fallll" he was stuttering when he was trying
to tell me
something.
By the look on Brian's face, I knew what he's gonna tell me.  I looked at
him intensely and desperately pleading him silently not to say it.  "You
want something to drink Brian?" I said as I stood up to avoid hearing what
he's gonna tell me.
"No, thanks.  I'm fine"
"K! Hold on.  I have to get a drink" I said as I walked away quickly.  I
heard him sighed lowly, almost inaudible.  I tried to compose myself as I
walked away.  Not now Brian, not right now I thought.  I didn't think I
could handle or digest what he was about to tell me "So when do you have
to go Brian?" I asked him when I came back with the drink.  I felt sorry I
did that to him, but that was the only way I could think of.
"I guess I have to go soon" Brian spoke as he got up "I wish I have more
free time so I could take you around, and hang out with you."
"Me too Brian.  It's really nice seeing you again.  I'm really glad I got
to know you"
"I'm really glad I got to know you too Tom.  Take care Tom.  I'll see you
sometime" Brian said as he pulled me in a hug.
"Take care Brian!"


Have you ever sat still and watched the sun goes down?  I never have a
chance to sit silently and observe the whole time the sun goes down.  I
never realize how beautiful it is until now, but I didn't like the beauty
of the sunset because it's a fading beauty.  It's a short, ending beauty
just like JC and my relationship.  It was beautiful but it was so
short.  I sighed and closed my eyes as I enjoyed the gentle breezes
blowing on my face.  It was so quiet, and I felt so alone as I sat there
on the bank of the lake.  Now I truly understood the meaning of the word
loneliness.  In my definition, loneliness is being without the person you
love, and that was exactly how I felt at that moment.  I wondered if I
could turn back time, what should I do?  Would there any way I could
prevent this from happening?  I was so deep in my thought I didn't notice
someone just has sat down next to me.
"It's so beautiful and calming!" he spoke.
I was startled and turned around to look at the person next to me "What
are you doing here?  How do you know I'm here?"
"You told me that you come here every time you have problems Tom.  You
gave me the address remember? And it's not that hard to get here once you
have the address.  So how have you been buddy?  How are you handling?"
"I've been miserable.  I never feel like this before.  I hope this is the
first time, but also the last time for me."
"I know how you feel Tom.  Heartbreak's never been easy to deal with,
especially if it's your first time" he commented.
"Have you ever have your heart broken Lance?" I asked.
"No, I haven't.  But I experience something even worse, something that not
less painful, if not even more" he sighed.
"Yeah?"
"Yes Tom.  At least you and JC love each other.  You have been together
even though it's only a short period of time.  And you know that you will
have a chance to be together again, not me Tom.  I've been in love with
this person for so long, so long that I can remember when it first
started.  But you know something?  He doesn't even notice.  Sometimes I
have a feeling that he doesn't even know if I exist.  With you and JC,
your love is reciprocated.  Mine is a one way, unreturned love.  And the
hardest thing is I am around him all the time, yet I can't tell him how I
feel" he forced a smile.  He sounded so vulnerable at that moment.  He
wasn't Lance that I used to know, the one who is so confident, so happy.
"God! I never thought this could happen to you Lance.  You always seem so
happy.  I could never imagine underneath that disguise there's a
tremendous amount of pain you're feeling" I sighed, feeling so bad for him
"I could never imagine how I would be if JC told me that he doesn't love
me anymore.  Who is this person you're talking about?" I asked Lance as I
looked at him.
He just smiled sadly and looked out to the lake.  Then it hit me.  I knew
who that person is "OH MY GOD!  I know who he is.  I should have known
it.  I should have noticed it.  Every time he comes in the room your face
lit up, and you always want to hang around him.  I didn't know you have it
bad for him" I laughed and punched him in the shoulder "You know you two
would look really cute together"
"You know who he is?" Lance asked.
I nodded.
"You just found out my biggest secret that no one knows Tom"
"Don't worry!  I won't tell anyone.  It sucks to be us isn't it?  Here we
are, sitting right here, telling each other how hurt we feel while they
are somewhere.  They are together aren't they?" I asked.
Lance didn't say anything again.  He kept his silence and continued to
look out to the lake, but he understood perfectly who I was asking
about.  Even though Lance didn't say anything, but his silence has
answered my question.
"So do you have anything plan?" Lance asked me suddenly "Do you know what
you're gonna do next?"
"You mean what I'm gonna do when JC actually breaks up with me?"
He nodded "Have you ever thought about that possibility Tom?" he asked me
sadly.  When I looked at him, I could see the concern, the sympathy in his
eyes.
"Yes, I've been thinking about it, and thanks to Melissa, my cousin, for
putting that thought in my mind.  To tell you the truth, it never occurred
to me that JC would break up with me.  I always assume that he just needs
to take sometime off to sort out his feeling.  To tell Justin that he
doesn't love Justin.  Then we get back together.  How nave am I heh?" I
forced a laugh "Not till Melissa asked me what I would do if he chooses
Justin over me.  I've been thinking about it a lot.  If that's what he
wants, then there's nothing I could do Lance."
"He won't leave you, and he won't choose Justin over you" Lance spoke
confidently.
"How can you be so sure Lance? After all the things have happened, I'm not
sure about it anymore"
"I'm sure he won't.  He loves you very much Tom.  I could tell that.  I
can assure you that I've never seen JC loves anybody as much as he loves
you."
"Thanks so much Lance!  You don't know how much that mean to me.  You give
me so much hope, but you know something?"
"What?"
"I've come to a decision.  I'm not sitting here waiting for him
forever.  He has to make up his decision quick.  If he doesn't call when
the clock hits twelve o'clock midnight on the seventh day we broke up, it
will be over between us.  Seven days are long enough for him.  Seven days
may not be long for him, but it seems like an eternity for me Lance.  The
longer he takes, the more he shows me that I'm not important to him.  The
more he shows me that he's not sure about our relationship.  As much as I
love him, I can't be with him if he doesn't know what he wants after all
the things we have gone through."
"Doesn't matter what happens between you and JC, we will always be friends
right?"
"Off course Lance!" I quickly answered.
"Good because I don't want to lose a friend like you Tom.  It's so easy to
talk to you.  I can talk to you openly without worrying about
anything.  It's not the same with the guys because I have to worry about
their reactions.  This is one of the reasons why I feel so alone
sometimes.  I'm surrounded by so many people, but there's nobody I can
confide in" Lance sighed sadly.
"I don't want to lose a friend like you either Lance.  You also make it so
easy for me to talk to, and thanks Lance.  You help me a lot with my
relationship with JC."

Lance stayed over that night.  We stayed up so late and talked about
everything and anything.  I'm so glad he has come.  He came just at the
right moment when I needed to talk to somebody the most.  He has come just
in time to give me the confidence and the strength I needed.  After he
left, I was back in my dramatic state.  It was also the seventh day after
JC and I took some time off.  Time has never seemed to fly so slowly to
me.  I counted every second, every minute waiting impatiently for him to
call me.
"Hello Kenny?" I asked.
"Yes, who is this?" Kenny grumbled in his sleepy state.
"It's me Tom.  How are you doing buddy?"
"I'm good Tom.  You better have a good reason for waking me up at this
hour"
"I need you to do me a favor Kenny"
"What's it?  What's so important that you can't wait till morning?"
"Can you come and pick me up? I'm at my uncle's cabin right now."
"Why are you at your uncle's cabin?  Why are you there right now? Has
something happened between you and JC?" Kenny began to bombard me with
questions.
"Can you come and pick me up?  I'll tell you later.  I don't want to tell
you all this over the phone."
"Sure Tom! I'll go there in five minutes.  I'll see you later buddy"
"K! See you later Kenny"


"You want to take a shower before you go to sleep Tommy? If you want I'll
go and get the water ready for you" Kenny asked while I was lying on my
bed at home.
"No thanks Kenny.  I'm fine" I replied as I stared blankly at the ceiling.
He got on the bed and lay down beside me "Are you ok bro?"
I didn't answer him and silently caressed the heart pendant on my
chest.  I wondered what JC was doing at that moment.  I wondered if he was
thinking about me like I was thinking about him at that moment.  This
wasn't how it's supposed to be.  We were supposed to be together "I'm fine
Kenny" I suddenly spoke.
"You don't look fine Tom.  You look like shit" Kenny chuckled.
"And I feel like shit too" I snickered "Thanks for cheering me up Kenny" I
said sarcastically.
"You are welcome anytime" Kenny laughed as he pulled me closer to him and
rested my head on his chest "Now go to sleep and don't think about
anything.  You will feel better in the morning."
I wrapped my arm around him and sighed contentedly "I hope so Kenny.  I
hope so"
Sleep didn't come easily for me even though I was lying comfortably and
feeling pretty secure with Kenny beside me.  But I still felt something
was missing, and I realized what that emptiness was.  As much as I love
Kenny, he wasn't JC.  No matter how comforting he made me feel, he
couldn't fill in the void, the emptiness JC left me.

"I never see you smoke before"
I was startled and disrupted in my chains of thoughts "There's a first
time for everything" I replied shortly "I'm going to take a shower, and go
shopping.  You want to go?" I asked as I got up.
"Yeah sure! I don't have anything to do anyway"
"Are you gonna take a shower too? If you are then you can use the other
bathroom.  And call Amy if she wants to go with us" I said as I walked to
my closet to choose what I was gonna wear.
"K!" was all Kenny muttered.
"What time is it" I called out to Kenny through the door of the bathroom.
"It's almost 10:30" he replied.
"I wondered what he's doing now, probably still sleeping" I said to myself
as I stood there looking at myself in the mirror.

"Let's go in here guys.  I want to buy some CDs" I said to Amy and Kenny.
"Yeah! I want to buy some CDs too" Kenny said excitedly "It's been a long
time since I've bought any CD."
"Yeah sure Kenny!  You just bought some last week"
"Shut up woman!" Kenny giggled "It's not my fault that you have a boring
life.  So you don't have to spoil all my fun you know" he joked.
"Yeah! I must have a boring life for hanging around with 2 loser like
you" Amy countered back.
"Hey! Leave me out of this.  I didn't do anything" I said as I searched
for CDs that I like.  Suddenly my attention was captured by the song
played by the store.

       Don't leave me in all this pain
       Don't leave me out in the rain
       Come back and bring back the smile
       Come back and take these tears away
       I need your arms to hold me now
       The nights are so unkind
       Bring back the nights when you held me beside you

       Unbreak my heart.  Say you love me again
       Undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door
       And walked out of my life
       Un-cry these tears
       I cried so many nights
       Un-break my heart
       My heart

       Take back that sad word good-bye
       Bring back the joy to my life
       Don't leave me with these tears
       Come and kiss this pain away
       I can't forget the day you left
       Time is so unkind
       And life is cruel without you here beside me

       Un-break my heart
       Say you love me again
       Undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door
       And walked outta my life
       Un-cry these tears
       I cried so many nights
       Un-break my heart
       My heart

       Don't leave me in all this pain
       Don't leave me out in the rain
       Bring back those nights when you held me beside you
       Un-break my heart
       Say you'll love me again
       Undo this hurt you cause when you walked out the door.
       And walked outta my life
       Un-cry these tears
       I cried so many, many nights
       Un-break my

       Un-break my heart
       Come back and say you love me
       Un-break my heart
       Sweet darling
       Without you I just can't go on
       Can't go on.

       I just stood there staring at the CD I was holding while absorbing
every single word of the song.  It perfectly described the feeling, the emotions
I felt at that moment.  I felt a hand on my shoulder.  I turned around to
look at the person with my teary eyes.
"We have this CD at home right?" I asked.
He nodded.
"Good! I want to listen to it when we go home."
"You want to go home now Tom?"
"Not yet Kenny.  I'm not finished with shopping yet.  Actually wait here,
I have to go and look for that CD in case I don't find it home" I smiled
sadly at Kenny "You want to go clubbing tonight? I need a little
excitement.  I haven't gone out for so long.  Yeah! I definitely will go
to club tonight" I half talked to Kenny and to myself.  When I walked away
I heard Kenny talked to Amy "I'm worried about him Amy."  He has said
something else but I couldn't hear as I continued walking away.

       "Are you guys ready yet? Jesus! What take you so long?" I yelled
out to Amy and Kenny.
"We're almost ready.  Will you stop rushing us every five damn
seconds" Amy yelled back.
"Not if you're not hurry" I chuckled.  I continuously flicked the channels
on the TV watching nothing in particular.
"Damn! You're looking hot boy.  What happened to my old Tommy?  You're not
Tommy.  My Tommy doesn't dress like this.  You have sex written all over
you boy, and are we going to a Black and Blue party or what?  What's with
all the black and leather clothes?"
I couldn't help but laughed "Thanks God you're ready! You're not looking
bad yourself either Kenny.  Where's that fish? Is she ready yet?  Doesn't
she know that no matter how much time she spend she's still butt ugly" I
talked loudly so Amy could hear me.  And I knew she definitely did because
I already heard her footstep.
"I'm not butt ugly.  You should have looked at yourself when you said that
boy" Amy answered as she smacked me on the head.
"Not the head! You know how long it took me to do my hair" I complained
"Ok! We're set? Let's go"
"Yes, mommy" Amy said grabbing my butts as she walked past me "Hmm! Nice
and firm" she giggled.
I laughed "Watch out Amy!  That area is off limit"
"Not the way I see it!  With the way you dress, I'm sure you will get laid
tonight" Kenny joked.
"Now move your butts and get in the car already bitch!" I laughed pushing
Kenny forward.
"I'm moving. I'm moving.  Geesh! Are you sure your mom didn't give birth
to you during a war? Rush, rush, rush."
"Buckle up everybody!  We are ready to go" I said as I hit the gas pedal
and sped out of the driveway "Yee ha! Watch out world! Here we come!"
"You're so stupid Tom!" Amy laughed.

"Let's have another drink" I said.
"I think we have enough Tom.  You shouldn't drink anymore if you don't
want to be drunk" Amy replied.
"It's set then.  You're driving home Amy.  I'm getting another drink" I
said "You want one Kenny?"
"Sure! Let's go!"
"What the hell? I'm coming too"
"That's the spirit Amy! We're supposed to have fun here.  We can take a
cab home later if we have to.  What you guys want to drink?  I want
another Jack Daniels"
"Wow! How many have you have already Tom?"
"I don't know and I don't care" I muttered feeling a little tipsy "After
this drink, I'm gonna hit the dance floor."
"Three Jack Daniels with coke please!" Kenny ordered.
"Hmm! I love this shit even though it will give me a fucking headache in
the morning" I laughed as I felt a little spinning by the alcohol already.

"Phew! That's enough dancing for me.  I'm going to sit down a little
bit" I screamed to Kenny over the loud music.
"Yeah! It's enough for me too.  Let's go and sit down for a while.  Where
the hell is Amy?  I haven't seen her"
"Me neither.  The last time I saw her was when she was sucking face with
some guy" I laughed.
"Wow! Look at my sweat!" Kenny said as he wiped his forehead with his
hands.
"Tell me about it! I'm soaked too"
"Hi! How are you doing?"
We were interrupted by somebody "Good! How you doing?" I asked.
"I'm good.  Thank you" he smiled "Sorry! My name is Scott" he extended his
hand.
"The name is Tom, and this is my friend Kenny" I said as I shook his hand.
"I saw you on the dance floor.  You dance really good" he said after
shaking hand with Kenny.
"Thanks!" I replied shortly.
"I'm sorry it's none of my business, but are you two together?"
I cocked my eyebrows and laughed "Me and him? No we are not.  We are just
friends"
"Cool! So what do you do Tom? Do you live near here?"
"I'm sorry I don't know you, and I don't want to know you either.  If
you're looking for somebody to talk or if you're looking for a boyfriend,
I think you got the wrong person.  If you're looking for a one night stand
or a quick fuck, I might be interested later, but not now."
"I'm sorry I just wanted to talk to you.  I'm sorry if I disturb
you" Scott spoke quickly and walked away.
"Are you ok Tom?" Kenny asked me as he was looking at me sadly.
"Off course I am.  Why are you asking me that Kenny?"
"Because you don't act like yourself at all. You smoke, and you seem to be
so mean and cynical.  Don't do this to yourself Tommy.  He's not worth
it." Kenny said as he placed his hand on my shoulder.
"And don't forget about drinking too Kenny" I said shortly "Talking about
drinking, I'm gonna go and get myself another drink" I said as I walked to
the bar.


I was waking up with a killing headache.  My head felt like exploding.  I
didn't want to open my eyes because I was afraid of the
sunlight.  Suddenly I felt somebody caressed my cheeks with the back of
his hand.  His thumb rubbed gently on my lips "Why?  Why are you torturing
yourself baby?" I heard this person whispered softly.  I knew that
voice.  I recognized that voice.  The moment I knew who that person was, I
shut my eyes tightly to prevent the tears from rolling out the corners of
my eyes.
"Why are you here? What are you doing here?" I said harshly.
"I come here to say I'm sorry for the way I treated you.  I'm coming here
to ask for your forgiveness.  I'm coming here to ask you to be with me
again baby.  I'm sorry that I hurt you but why are you torturing yourself
like this baby? It's killing me to see you are like this because of
me.  You never smoke TT.  You hate smoking and you don't drink.  Why are
you doing them now"
"Because they help to lessen the pain I feel in my heart.  I don't like
smoking, but do you know that smoking help to calm me down.  I don't like
drink, but do you know that drinking numbs my body and my brain.  So that
I don't have to think about you.  So that I could pass out and go to sleep
without thinking about you.  Do you know how much it hurts every night
when I couldn't sleep while trying not to think of you?" I shook my head
"I'm sorry but I don't think we should be together anymore.  We're not
meant for each other JC.  Look at all the things that have happened in
such a short period of time since we dated.  Our love wasn't strong enough
to go through all these."
"Then give our love a chance to nourish.  Give it a chance to strengthen
baby" JC spoke poetically.
I shook my head again "I'm sorry I can't talk right now.  I have to take a
shower and go out to lunch.  I'm meeting somebody for lunch" I lied as I
quickly got up and walked to the bathroom.  As I closed the door behind me
I heard him said "I'll wait here for you." I pressed my back against the
wall and sighed "You have to be strong.  You have to end it.  It may be
painful but it will help you in the end" I said to myself.  I turned on
the water and took a shower.
When I came out of the bathroom, JC was still sitting on the bed waiting
for me.  I ignored him and went to my closet to pick out some clothes to
wear.  I could feel his eyes on me "You can wait for as long as you want,
but I won't be home for a long time" I said when I finished and walked out
of my bedroom.
"Can we talk later when you come back?" JC asked.
"I don't know" I answered as I walked quickly downstairs to get out of the
house.  I saw Kenny and Amy on my way out, but I didn't say anything to
them beside hello and goodbye.
I didn't know where to go, I was lying when I told him that I'm meeting
somebody for lunch.  I drove around aimlessly.  After I got myself
something to eat, I went to a mall and wandering around killing
time.  Then went into a movie theater and watched almost single movie they
played.  By the time I got out, it was almost midnight.  I figured he
would have left by now so I decided to go home.
"Where have you been Tommy?  He's been waiting here for you for the whole
day.  He just left about 15 minutes ago" Kenny told me.
"Good! Then I don't have to see him" I said as I walked upstairs to my
room.  I flopped down on my bed.  I felt so exhausted.  Kenny walked into
the room and sat down on the bed beside me.
"Are you gonna run away from him forever?  You have to make up your mind
if you want to be with him or not Tom."
"I already made up my mind Kenny.  Thanks for your concern, but I don't
want to talk right now.  I'm so tired.  I want to sleep.  Can we talk at
another time?"
"Ok! We can talk whenever you want to.  Promise me that you come to me or
Amy if you need help or anything Tom" Kenny pleaded.
I nodded.
"K! I'm going home.  I'll see you later. Take care Tommy!" he leaned in
and gave me a kiss on the forehead.
"Take care Kenny!"

The next few days were hell for me.  I knew I said that I have made up my
mind.  I knew that I have told myself to end this relationship, but I
couldn't bring myself to do it.  A part of me still wants to be with
him.  One morning, I was sitting in a caf drinking my coffee and reading a
paper, when somebody sat on the opposite chair of my table.  I looked up
to look at the person.  I was so shock when I saw that person.  He was the
last person on earth I expected to see.
"Hi Tom! how are you doing?"
"Good!" I replied shortly and went back to read the paper again ignoring
him.
"Can we talk?"
"Do we have anything to talk about? Even if we do, I still don't want to
talk to you"
"I'm sorry if I hurt you Tom, but I'm not here to fight with you or
aggravate you.  I'm here to ask you some questions.  Did you have a fight
with JC?"
"What does it matter to you?  Isn't it what you want?  If we have a fight
and don't get back together then you can have him all for yourself" I said
angrily.
"I guess I deserve that" he sighed "Can I tell you something?"
"Sorry I don't have time.  I have to go" I said as I got up.
"Please Tom! Just hear me out and then you can go" he pleaded.
I sat back down.
"I'm sorry that I caused the breakup between you and JC.  I really mean it
when I say sorry Tom" he said sincerely "I've been in love with him for a
long time.  I believe that he's the one for me.  I want to spend the rest
of my life with him.  I just have to have the courage to tell him that I
love him.  I believe that we are meant for each other."
I turned my head to look away in disgust feeling angrier every second of
this.
"But over the past week, JC has changed my mind.  He has convinced me that
he's not the one for me.  He has convinced me that we are not meant for
each other.  He told me so many things about you Tom.  He told me how much
you love him.  He told me that you love him so much that you would be
willing to do anything even giving him to me" he stopped looking at me and
smiled "He made me realized that love is not seizing but love is
giving.  He made me realize that when you love a person, his happiness is
your happiness even if he's not with you.  I'm sorry that I caused the
breakup between you two.  But you have to know this Tom.  He doesn't love
me.  He loves you.  You're the only person that he loves.  He talked about
you all the time.  Did you two have a fight or what? He was devastated
after he came back from seeing you."
I couldn't say anything as I just sat there silently.
"Let's start all over again.  Let me be your friend Tom.  I will never
betray you.  I will never hurt you.  I never do that to my friends.  I
really want us to be friends" he said sincerely as he squeezed my hands.
I was touched by his words as I nodded.  He smiled brightly "Thanks
Tom! Thanks for giving me a chance.  Now that we are friend, can you do me
a favor?" he said excitedly.
"What Justin?"
"Will you go and see him?  He's been miserable from the last few days."
I nodded.
"YES!" Justin said loudly "I knew I will be able to persuade you" he said
proudly.
I smiled at him and his innocence.
"Ok! Let's go!  We have to go back to your house to get your clothes and
go to the airport."
"Huh?" I was confused.
"I already book a flight for you" he chuckled.
"How do you know that I would go with you?" I asked.
"I know because you love him" he replied flatly "I already booked a ticket
for you, and I already reserved a room in the same hotel if you don't want
to stay with him."
"Thanks Justin!"
"You're welcome Tom! It's the least I could do to make it up to
you.  Oh! Here's your flight ticket, and your hotel card key.  Hurry
up!  We have to move" Justin said as he got up and dragged me out of the
caf
"Oh! How do you know I'm here?"
"Kenny told me you're here!"
"K! One more thing, please don't tell him that I'm coming to see him.  I
want to surprise him"
"Sure Tom!  I would love to see the expression on his face when he sees
you."
"Thanks Justin!"

"K! Here we go!  Are you ready to go and meet your man?" Justin asked me
as we got off the cab.
"Long time Justin" I said nervously.
"Hihihi! You know your voice sounds shaky.  Are you nervous Tom?" Justin
chuckled.
"Off course I am! I don't know what to say when I see him"
"Say what's in your heart!  Just tell him what you think and how you
feel.  And you shouldn't be nervous Tom"
"It's easy for you to say" I said as I nervously tapped my shoe on the
floor while waiting for the elevator to reach our floor.
"This is his room!" Justin whispered lowly "I'll go back to my room.  Call
me if you need anything from me ok?"
"Thanks Justin" I said.
"K! See you later Tom!" he said as he pulled me in a hug.
"See you later Justin!"  I waited for Justin to get in to his room already
then knocked on JC's door.
"Who's it?"
"It's me!" I replied
"Me who?" JC asked again before he opened the door.  He stopped in his
track to look at me.
"Hi! How are you doing?" I asked.
"Good! Good! I'm good!  How are you doing Tom?  You want to come in?" he
quickly replied.
"No thanks.  I just come here to get something.  I know that I gave it to
you but I really want it back.  Since we are not together anymore, can you
give me the heart pendant back?"
JC didn't say anything as he just stood there looking down the
floor.  After a while, he looked.  He looked so sad, and he looked like he
was about to cry "I understand" he said softly "But I'm not taking it
off.  I promised you that I would never take it off.  You put it on for me
so if you want it.  You have to take it off yourself Tom" he sounded so
vulnerable.
"Thanks JC" I said as I moved up a little and put my hands forward around
his neck to remove the necklace.
JC quickly stepped back as he pressed his back against the wall in
disbelief "You...You really are going to take it off aren't you?" he asked
me as his body shook lightly.  i couldn't even bear to look at his face at
that moment.



That's it for now everybody.  I'm sorry it takes me a long time to finish
this chapter.  I've been really busy with school and work.  I hope the
next chapter won't take this long.  I don't like cliffhanger when I read
the stories on nifty. But I couldn't help doing it in this chapter.  Who
is "him" that Lance's been in love with for a long time? And what will
happen to JC and Tom? Will they be together?  At first I want to give
their relationship another chance but I received some suggestions telling
me to put Brian and Tom together.  I kinda like those suggestions.  So I'm
really indecisive now.  Take care everybody and see you next time.