Date: Sun, 18 Jun 2000 23:28:35 +0100 (GMT+01:00)
From: dreamer@beautifulboy.co.uk
Subject: Finding a Belief #2 {} { MM Celebrity Boy-Bands } [2!?]

WARNING: This story contains relationships between adults
of the same sex. If you are too young (18 or 21 dependent on
local area laws) or if this isn't your thing, then go read some of
Virgil's Georgics. If that proves too much, then try Thomas the
Tank Engine.

DISCLAIMER: This story is FICTION, which means it really isn't
true. It doesn't imply anything about the sexuality of Nick Carter,
or any other Backstreet Boy, nor does it imply that their characters
and/or behaviour are as portrayed.

Well, here's part two. Definitely a little livelier than the first.
I got some things sorted out in my head as to whither the story was
headed, (meaning I found a plot), and so it's less boring. Umm...
Oh yeah, I do have exams at the moment, so the next instalment
may be a little late. It may not be, but just in case...
I guess that's it for now, but feedback, as ever, is appreciated greatly.
So, if you don't like it, or even if you do, I'd love to hear from you!
Anyway, the address is: dreamer@beautifulboy.co.uk


Finding a Belief-2:


	The place Dan had selected was just off on a side street. Nick
picked pistachio, and winced at the strong saffron influence in the
dessert. Dan noticed and smiled. "Indian ice-cream can take a little
getting used to."
	"Mm..." said Nick, pulling his spoon through his lips. He
didn't want to talk at all, the more he thought about it. He was about to
say so, when:
	"You don't want to talk about it do you?" asked Dan.
	Nick shook his head apologetically. "How could you tell?" he
asked.
	Dan's smile faded. "I didn't want to either."
	"What?"
	"I didn't want to either. But I had to."
	"Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about," Nick was
honestly perplexed.
	Dan shook his head in wonder at the curiousness of the world.
"No. You probably don't. Never mind. If you wanna go back in...
Rather ironically, it's probably cooler." Nick rose, and Dan looked up at
him. "I'm sorry you felt you couldn't talk to me," he said. He didn't
mean anything spiteful by it, but he was truly sorry. "Promise me you'll
tell someone?"
	Nick frowned, still unsure of his meaning, but nodded.

	When they got inside, they found the boys surrounded by a sea
of papers, and the girl from the reception -- Padma? -- kneeling in the
centre, pointing things out to Kevin. She looked accusatorily at Dan.
	"Daniel? Care to explain why I'm doing your job for you?" she
asked bitingly. The Boys looked at him with grins on their faces. Dan
stuck his tongue out at her. "Ah," continued Padma. "Well, next time
you decide to get frisky, do it on your own time, hm?" Dan gave her a
look that would have boiled the Pacific. Padma's mouth twitched.
	"You'll have to excuse Padma," he explained. "It's bad enough
that she's one of these modern, liberated females --" This garnered more
grins from the Boys, and she looked sharply round at them, whence
they promptly disappeared. "-- but she lives with me too. Imagine." Dan
rolled his eyes. Padma stood up and swatted him between the eyes with
a sheaf of papers.
	"What Daniel here means to say, is that we live in the same
building. Hardly living together," she said, with an irritated look in her
eyes.
	"That's not what old Mr and Mrs Sheth from downstairs.
They're convinced you sneak into my place in the middle of the night,
and we enjoy all kinds of debauchery," Dan told her with a grin.
	"Oh do they?" she said. "Well, we both know it's pretty
unlikely, don't we, Daniel?"
	Now it was his turn to look irritated and swat her with papers.
"Shush, you!" She grinned in triumph, and patted his cheek lovingly.
	"Don't stop now!" complained AJ. Kevin laughed. Even Nick
had a big grin on his face.
	"Say, you lot," began Dan.
	"They have names too, you know," Padma informed him.
	"How long are you staying for?"
	"Well, it says on these forms that you've been making us fill
out," said Brian, a little petulantly.
	"Oh, yes of course, er... oh, a week," said Dan. "Well, do you
know anyone else here?"
	"No, only the execs from the label over here," said Kevin.
	"'Cause I was wondering..." Padma began to giggle, and
pressed a hand to her mouth. "...if you'd like to have a free person who
knows the best clubs and restaurants and malls? Why are you
laughing?!" This last was addressed to Padma. The Boys looked
askance at her too, but all she told them was: "You'll see."
	"That sounds cool Dan!" said Howie enthusiastically. "We
were wondering what we'd be doing anyway, and this is the perfect
solution." Kevin and AJ and Brian nodded in agreement. They sorted
out the forms, and then on leaving, Kevin, having given Dan their
schedule, gave Padma a little peck on the cheek, causing her to blush
and prompting cheers from the others.

	The rest of the day was filled with shopping and the rehearsals
for the next day's concert at the stadium. The night came on dense and
heavy, and induced the usual laments from the Boys.
	"Kevi-i-in," moaned AJ, taking off his jacket to reveal a blue
silk shirt. "Why didn't we know this was going to be like this?"
	Kevin laughed. "Fine, next time *you* sort out the touring
arrangements, and I'll laze around on my ass all day, and maybe do a
little shopping."
	"On second thoughts..." considered AJ. They were travelling
in the limo to go to meet Dan and Padma outside a club called the
Promise. It sounded fairly lame on the face of it, but Dan and Padma
insisted it was good, so they agreed. Outside, the city was still alive, and
rickshaws sputtered their way around, beside, and across them. The
limo came to a halt, and the Boys got out. They were greeted
immediately by Dan and Padma, who received a peck on the cheek
from them all this time, and more than a couple of words of approval
on her clothing. She smiled humbly and brushed her hair over her
shoulder; she had dispensed with the sari, and was now wearing a white
dress and a tight blouse that left her midriff bare, while the thick breeze
blew the airy tails of a diaphanous scarf behind her. The Boys looked
around at the queue.
	"No, that's okay," explained Dan. "I spoke to the management
already, and he said we could go straight in -- the bouncers are ready."
Kevin nodded in agreement and taking Padma's hand, led them in.
Inside, it was very western -- indeed, the Boys could have easily
mistaken it for a club back home. And their hosts had been right, it was
a good club.
	The club was the general shape of a circle, with three tiered
levels, arranged rising rings around the centre. In the centre was the
main dancefloor, the bar was on the next level, and the DJs on the top,
which was also the street level. There were, sensibly, no stairs, but
ramps instead. It was already buzzing with activity, and judging by the
queue outside, there would be yet more activity on its way in.
	"We'd better grab a table," suggested Brian loudly, looking
around. "Are they on the second level?" Dan nodded, and led them
down the ramp, and to a large table in an alcove set back from the main
gangway. The music pounded about their ears -- a strange mish-mash of
music it was to them: synths and drum machines for your usual
westernizing techno, but with foreign melodies and distinctly eastern
singing.
	AJ was already smiling and tapping his foot along with the
melody. "I like this stuff," he announced to the group. "Padma," he
said, overplaying the exoticism on her name. She smirked. "Care to
dance?" She nodded, and they were off down toward the dancefloor.
	Kevin looked around. "Pretty good mix of people in here, no?"
	The rest looked around them, while Dan explained. "Yeah, this
is pretty much the haunt of all the pardesis --"
	"Excuse me -- pardesis?" interrupted Howie, cheerfully
mangling the word.
	Dan laughed. "Foreigners," he explained. "They like to have
somewhere to go to that reminds them that they're not really thousands
of miles away from home."
	"What about you?" asked Nick quietly.
	"Me?" blinked Dan.
	"Well, you said 'they'. You don't consider yourself a foreigner?"
asked Howie.
	"I'm far too acclimatised to being here. Four years will do that
to you," he said.
	Howie gave a low whistle. "Four years, huh? Jeez, that's a long
time. Don't you miss your family and stuff?"
	Dan shook his head a little sombrely. "I don't have much
family any more. Just a sister living in the States. Illinois, I think. We
don't really talk a lot."
	Brian laid a comforting hand on his arm. "I'm sorry." Dan
smiled wanly, but was grateful deep down. He knew there wouldn't be
more questions asked. At that moment AJ and Padma surfaced, both
bearing fruity looking cocktails with little paper parasols that attacked
them each time they stooped to take a sip.
	"I'll tell you one thing, man," said AJ breathlessly to Dan, who
looked up at him ingratiatingly. "This girl can dance!" Padma, for the
first time, gave an uninhibited smile, and that set the others off.
	"Yeah, Padma's quite the modern woman, aren't you, darling?"
said Dan, pulling her down on to his lap.
	"Not quite that modern, thank you Dan," she said with a grin,
pulling herself off his lap. "I'm not quite a fa--" She was checked by
Dan's hand on her mouth.
	"Run along dear, there's a good girl," proposed Dan. Padma
knew she'd won, turned her nose up at him, and then grabbed Kevin's
arm, and towed him off, ignoring his protestations.
	"So what's with you two?" asked AJ.
	"What's with us?" echoed Dan. "She didn't really let on much
that she's more of my flatmate than 'someone who lives in the same
building.' See, our apartments are on the top floor, and they're the only
two on that storey, so we pretty much use each other's apartments as
we please."
	"Wouldn't it just be easier to get a place together?" asked AJ.
	"Yeah, we're thinking about that right now, in fact. But this is
India, and two unmarried people of the opposite sex moving in
together is *severely* frowned upon. No matter how liberal her family
is, they're still going to need some real heavy persuasion before they let
us move into a place of our own."
	AJ put down his drink. "Well," he announced, "I'm all set to go
find some beautiful ladeez. Who's coming?" Everyone rose and headed
away except Nick, and Howie, lingering behind, looked at him
worriedly.
	"You sure you won't come?" he asked, knowing the answer.
	"No, it's okay How. Maybe later?" offered Nick as a
compromise. Howie knew it was the best he could get, so he nodded
and ran after the others. Nick shifted round to a seat where he could
see the dancefloor better, and smiled as he saw AJ weave his way
expertly in. Soon they had disappeared, and even AJ's shimmery
turquoise shirt had disappeared. Sitting back in the chair, he sighed,
running a hand through his hair and closing his eyes for a few minutes.
When he opened them, there was a young man smoking a cigarette at
the table. Glancing at his watch, Nick looked across at him.
	"I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind..." said the newcomer. Nick
smiled and shook his head. "It's just that all the other tables are full,
and I'm sort of waiting for someone." Nick didn't want to say much, so
he didn't. They sat in a semi-companionable silence for several minutes.
The stranger didn't seem to be going anywhere, so Nick politely
excused himself and went to look for the toilets.

	He stared at his image in the mirror, shutting out the hustle
and bustle around him. 'What the fuck's wrong with you, Nick?' he
wondered. 'Aren't you grateful for your life, for the fact that you've got
money, privileges, freedom, status?' Cupping some water in his palms,
he doused his hair. The water woke him up, and to some extent
extracted him from the deluge of his self-pity. He still couldn't help that
there was something missing, something he was missing. But no matter
how he tried, he couldn't force it to come, and he sighed again, shaking
his head, and watching absently as the droplets hit the mirror and
dribbled down its polished face.

	When he returned to the table, it was abandoned, but within
minutes of his arrival, Dan emerged with the young man who had been
sitting there earlier.
	"Hi there," said Dan. Nick brightened, but said nothing. Dan
hauled his friend forward. "This is Alex," he introduced. Alex smiled at
Nick. "He's a diplomat's son from Washington -- something
ambassadorial, he tells me." This caught Nick's attention, and he sat up
a little. "This is Nick." AJ appeared, plucked Dan's elbow, and tugged
him back into the crowd.
	"Hi," said Alex shyly.
	"Hey there," said Nick. "You having fun tonight?"
	Alex's mouth twitched a little. "Not really; Dan enjoys dragging
me to these places -- well, this place, but it's not really my thing."
	"Hmm. It might help if I was *allowed* to drink," Nick
grumbled with a wry smile.
	"Huh? Ohh, I see! Kevin playing daddy, huh?" said Alex with a
twinkle in his eye.
	Nick grinned. There was only one way he'd know that. "Oh,
you're a fan!"
	Alex looked ashamed, but the open laughing in his warm
brown eyes showed he was only putting it on. "So?" he said defensively.
	Nick chuckled as if he'd just discovered something really
interesting. "Nothing, nothing..."
	Alex didn't buy it for a second. "What nothing?!"
	"Just not that many male fans out there," observed Nick,
deliberately keeping his voice level.
	"Really. And those male fans that there are, you think they like
you because of the same reasons as the females?"
	"What, the classy music and singing?"
	Alex shrugged. "Yes, I'm sure it's that." He plainly showed his
disbelief.
	Nick raised an eyebrow. "Oh? So what do you think it is then?"
	Alex was saved from having to answer by the emergence of
Kevin and Padma, the latter of whom, having hugged Alex, willingly
sat in his lap. Kevin frowned. "Are you two...?"
	Padma laughed and shook her head. "No-o-o, just good
friends. He comes here every few months and stays for a few months at
a time too. I don't think we'd really be able to get involved like that. I
may be emancipated, but I don't think I could stand to use this
sweetheart like that." She ran her hand lovingly over Alex's close-
cropped honey hair, who smiled and put his head on her shoulder. Nick
hadn't noticed how short it was. A rather rowdy piece of music came
on and this time Kevin dragged Padma off to dance. As they were
leaving, Nick called out to them.
	"Did you see the others anywhere?"
	Kevin had just enough time to shake his head before
disappearing from view once more.
	Alex looked evenly at him. "Isn't my company good enough?"
Nick opened his mouth and shut it again. "Good answer!" said Alex.
Nick pulled a face at him. "So d'you not dance?"
	"Not really, doing it for a living kind of takes the fun out of it
for me. Don't you?" Nick asked in turn.
	"No. I've got two left feet me." He snorted good naturedly. "I
get dragged to these places and then they leave me without anyone to
talk to --"
	Nick started waving his arms in front of Alex's face. "What am
I, the table?" he complained.
	"This is the exception -- usually I just sit and watch the other
people. That's okay by me though, I'd rather be happy not dancing, than
the other way round." He fiddled with his glass. It was empty, and there
was only a suggestion of the liquid it once held. "I need another drink."
	Nick looked pleadingly at him. "Get me one?"
	Alex frowned. "If I can get one, why can't you? I'm eighteen,
and you're older."
	Nick looked ashamed. "Kev won't let me."
	"Dan told me that Kevin had warned him to not let you -- I
heard what happened last time."
	Nick turned red. "Yeah, well, this girl just kept buying me
stuff. By the time Kevin got there, I didn't know how to stop."
	"I think you just proved my case..."
	"No, but now I have you to look after me, don't I?"
	"Hm. One, just one, okay? I'm not going to be responsible for
the consequences if you drink too much this time, yeah? What drink?"
	"Double Vodka and Coke?"
	Alex walked off shaking his head in despair. The kid was
incorrigible. Nick stared at Alex's retreating back for a moment, and
closed his eyes again, leaning his head back. With more than a little
surprise, he realized he was feeling a little less sullen.

	He was being watched. Dan stood at one side of the club,
leaning with his hot arms on the cold steel of the railing, staring at the
heart-throb. The dancing had gotten him sweaty and he was aware of
various disagreeable damp spots all over him: the small of his back, his
chest, his armpits. The blond hair stood out, even in a club full of
Westerners, and it every now and then one of the lights would hit it,
making it glow with a lustre that was enthralling. He gazed and gazed,
unable to tear his eyes away from the pure beauty of the boy, seduced
by the tall but athletic frame, and just damn stuck on his angelic face.
	Padma appeared at his elbow. "Hey you," she said. "How you
bearing up?"
	He wondered how she was always able to know what he was
thinking. It was downright annoying, but he wouldn't have had it any
other way. Her choice of words wasn't accidental either. 'Bearing up'
was probably the best phrase to describe what he was having to do.
"'Bearing up'?" he asked anyway.
	"You know. Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink."
she replied obscurely. She placed a comforting arm around his waist.
"It's not everyday that five gorgeous famous boys come into your life."
She had, as usual, just gone and arrowed straight to the heart of the
problem.
	"I'm okay. You know me anyway, I don't go out with people,"
he said. Padma brushed her hair back over her shoulders and looked at
him frankly. It was enough, he had to tell her the truth. "It's hell.
Sometimes, I wish to God I'd never seen him. Bad enough I've had a
year old crush on him like...like..."
	"Like you were his age," supplied Padma.
	He looked for a moment as though he were about to retort, but
in the end just sighed and nodded. "Like I was his age. Damn, I *want*
to be his age again. I'm twenty-seven, and hating every minute of it.
And he, he's just so... so... young and beautiful and free, and it's like
what I don't have, and I want it so badly, god do I ever want it..." His
shoulders slumped. "And that's why I followed him when he went off
looking like he'd just lost his best-friend, I wanted to touch him, and
hold him, and tell him everything would be all right, only I couldn't."
	"Well, there's no harm in trying," she suggested fairly.
	"I did..." he trailed off as her meaning became clear, and was
faintly horrified by the thought.
	"What?" she asked ingenously to his expression. "If you can't
have what he's got, then you might as well have him, no?"
	"There's just a little problem -- ?"
	"Like I said. No harm in trying."
	He shook his head and grinned in spite of himself. "Padma,
you're something else, you know?"
	"I know. And that's why you love me," she reminded him.
	He hugged her. "Go on, go off and dance. I'm fine."
	She knew he was lying through his teeth, but she went away
anyway.

	Some hours later, they were all in the limo, the Boys, Alex, Dan
and Padma; Alex was next to Nick, Padma next to Kevin, and Dan
positioned rather awkwardly between Brian and AJ.
	"So y'all coming back up to the hotel?" asked Brian. He threw
a look at Padma, who had her head on his cousin's shoulder. Alex and
Padma both nodded, but Dan glimpsed the surroundings out of the
window, recognized them and said, "No, I've got an early start
tomorrow." Padma stirred, but said nothing. "You can just drop me
here, it's pretty close to my apartment."
	"You sure?" asked Brian, tapping on the driver's window to
give directions.
	Dan nodded. "It'll be cool. I'm sure Padma will wangle her way
into making me see you lot again," he said as the car slowed to a stop.
And with that, he stepped out into the thick black night.
	"Gee, that was kind of abrupt," commented Howie, as they
started up again and the city began to bolt past.
	"He was just a little down earlier," explained Padma vaguely.
She seemed to be about to explain further, but instead glanced at Nick
and shrugged, falling silent and settling back down on to Kevin's
shoulder. Staring out of the window, she watched the city fly past with
dizzying speed, and remembered a quote from a movie she'd seen. 'In
India nowadays, I reckon 80 percent are SKP. SKP? Before marriage,
you know...' She wondered if she was about to join that percentage
tonight. The thought frightened her, as millennia-old traditions instilled
in her by her parents rolled through her head like a funeral march. She
sighed. Once again, culture had reared its ugly head. She stole a glance
at Kevin and wondered if maybe, just maybe...

	The limo pulled up at the hotel, and they all tumbled out, some
more than others. Padma was strangely quiet on the way up in the
elevator, driving Alex to nudge her and ask quietly if everything was all
right. She just nodded and smiled her thanks, but didn't explain any
further. They got to their floor, and they all piled into AJ and Brian's
joint suite, since there was most room there, but both of them
announced their exhaustion and retired almost immediately to their
bedrooms. Kevin looked down at Padma, and got a brave, but
quavering smile in return. They disappeared out to Kevin's room.
	"Yo, 'lex!" called Nick. "Wanna play some Nintendo?"
	Alex grinned. "Best offer I've had today. I'm in."
	"How, you comin'?" invited Nick.
	"Nah, you young people go. We old-timers need our sleep."
	"Don't forget your bed-pan!" The door shut.

	"I call the floor!" called Nick, sliding down in front of the TV.
He took off his shirt and shoes and socks. His tight white t-shirt
reflected the colours on the screen
	Alex looked puzzled. "No argument here... uh, why exactly?"
He sat on the bed, then, changing his mind, pulled off his shoes,
tossing them on the floor and lay on his front.
	"Heh, it's just my lucky place. I play better down here. See,
now you have to prepare for having your ass whipped!"
	"Damn, and me without my handcuffs."
	Nick giggled. "You're weird, you know that?"
	"I try."

	They played and they played, and Alex lost. Finally, he dropped
his controller on to the mattress and sighed. "You know, it's really
demoralizing losing fourteen times in a row."
	"Wouldn't know. Never happened to me," said Nick smugly.
	"Not even when you weren't sitting on the floor?"
	"Hey, I never said I played badly, just less phenomenally."
	"Never let it be said that you have a big head."
	"That rhymes. You're a--"
	"Don't you dare say it!" warned Alex, but he was smiling.
	"-- poet and you don't know it," finished Nick smugly.
	"Oh, you in trouble now, boy!"
	"Yeah?"
	"Yeah!" Alex pulled Nick on to the bed and threw him down,
tickling him remorselessly. Nick's giggles turned into howls of pained
laughter as Alex expertly tortured him with his fingers.
	"Promise me something, and I'll stop?" asked Alex.
	"A-a-anything," gasped Nick.
	"Promise you'll never say that again. Ever."
	"Done," said Nick, in a second. Alex's torment subsided, and
Nick sat there in silence for a moment, recapturing his breath. The
sweat trickled down the side of his head. Then: "Are you gonna get off
me?" Alex was still siting astride him, and he looked almost
embarrassed as he settled down beside him.
	"Ha, got ya!" said Nick, and before Alex could even wonder
what he meant, *he* was now on the receiving end of the punishment.
	"Now..." began Nick, speaking deliberately slowly as his
fingers worked their mischief.
	"What?!" shouted Ales, prompting Howie next door to bang
on the wall.
	Nick tutted. "You'll wake the neighbours. Keep it down!"
	"Just...uh, stop, please?" begged Alex.
	"Say this then. 'Nick is the absolute god, 'cause he rules at
Nintendo, and is the smartest and best looking of all the Backstreet
Boys.'"
	"Never! I still have my pride," yelled Alex. Nick increased the
intensity. "Okay! Okay, NickistheabsolutegodcauseherulesatNintendo
andisthesmartestandbestestlookingofallthebackstreetboys!"
	"There," said Nick, stopping. "That wasn't so hard?"
	They both collapsed back on the bed, drained by their
exertions. Nick gave way to the tiredness that the still-flickering screen
of the television had caused in his eyelids, and closed them. His
breathing grew even and rhythmical, and he fell asleep. Alex regarded
him for a moment, then rising as softly as he could, turned the
television off. He crossed to the sofa, stripped down to his boxers, and
settled down for the night.

---ooo000ooo---

Guesses for what's gonna happen now? Feel free to send them!
dreamer@beautifulboy.co.uk